Damien Sandow:
Gentleman, let’s attempt to keep some decorum. If not for the lady present, then for yourselves as it seems you’ve all lost perspective. You’ve all come out here or appeared on the screen to speak about this bout and yet in doing so, it appears you’ve all revealed more than you think. As the majority of you skimmed over my name whenever you spoke, from the good reverend to the happy couple to the two men with nicknames that are laughably misplaced as their phenomenon and charisma levels are debatable. Even the most nonsensical one of the bunch, the one who can bad mouth anyone for he lives in his own abhorrent world, only spoke to me when referring to Daniel Bryan as well. The reason for that is quite simply, You all realize what I spoke was truth. You all, whether you like to admit it or not, recognize that this bout is in fact Damien Sandows to lose, and because of that you made sure not to overtly focus on the strongest possibility. Sure you all made your claim to be victorious, but by not actively seeking me out you’ve attempted to protect yourselves from fully being proven wrong and simply having an off night. It’s a defensive mechanism, one that is not present in two individuals and those two ironically are the ones who can’t seem to halt their rate of speech.
Sandow turns to Daniel, getting a somewhat angered look on his face as he bends over slightly to get to his level.
You Daniel…You’re the one who has no earthly idea what I’m capable of. But I know what you are, I’ve seen all your bouts and taken note on your threshold for pain and marked the weaker points. That’s what I do Mr. Bryan, I do not kick heads in…I use mine…shall I go through the List? Prior knee injury, weight within range to pick off floor and throw out. Torn Labrum, otherwise known as a small part of the Shoulder, able to aggravate while keeping at a vertical base easier to tip over the ropes and unable to hold on. Fractured Ankle, Bicep tear, remove power from equation and leave a proverbial sitting duck. Ankle Injury, diminutive stature, easy elimination. Whole slew of injuries to choose from, avoid initial outburst and slow down to eliminate. Hip injury, championship held allows for easier target for injury. And the final two have caused one another so much injury all needed is to target what I please, but what about Daniel Bryan. I know each and every kink in your armor Mr. Bryan, but most importantly I see the weakness for the human being itself, Hot headedness while useful for an elimination or two is a way to lose focus. So while you “kick heads in”, I shall eradicate, and while you pander to the audience I shall be waiting and planning…I know all your tricks, Your holds, your capabilities, you’ve spent the majority of your life learning how to be the best in the ring but You never accounted for someone outsmarting you as a person instead of as a wrestler and that, my poor lost friend, is what will mark your downfall.
Sandow smirks as he turns his head to the other person he alluded, Steve Borden.
And it brings me to you, Mr…Borden is it? At least this week correct? And the gentleman by your side I believe is known as one Mr. Bloom, now what have you both in common? There is one common thread, you switch personas at the drop of a hat, one week you could be some surfer like charlatan or a self-described Hip…Hop…Hippopotamus, the next you could be dropped from the rafters with a bat in hand or with Japanese markings scrolled across your face. What does this precisely state about you both? That you’re ever changing, you change with the times and therefore never become stale? No, what it truly says is that Steven Borden and Matthew Bloom are just the children wearing to change their entire wardrobe and manner of speech to fit in. That you as people are nothing of interest and so you must constantly change so that in your mind you don’t become stale, but do trust me Gentleman You became stale a long time ago, and Mr. Bloom you may hold the record for fastest metamorphosis to staleness in our companies history. Mr. Borden allow me to shine a light on the issue at hand, these poor ignorant people can only state one thing about you a thousand different ways not by fault of their own. Simply because there isn’t anything else to you…your lack of wrestling ability has already been established with your mediocre rise and fall in UWF, your lack of intelligence has almost been heralded by you alone in a cavalcade of ineptitude, and your questionable status as an Icon has been debunked time and time again. Now what have they to aim at? Simply you as a person, and you as a person just as you’ve always feared is not much to write home about, that’s precisely why you’ve changed so much, so do forgive them they really have no other alternative.
Sandow shakes his head almost in disgust before he turns his attention else world.
With that stated, there is one individual who boasted about his Charismatic personality. One Mr. Christian, the man who only has one notable accomplishment to his name and that is maintaining constant employ here in UWF. Perhaps it is unfair to judge you for your past, perhaps now you believe yourself to be different, that NOW is the time to rise. But let us be realistic, how many times has it been “the time”? And how many times have you fallen short of your claims and left only to reemerge the following month beginning the cycle once again. Christian I am sad to be the one to inform you of this, but enlightenment can also bring about clarity over things you did not want to know. You are simply here, because this bout did not remain 20 superstars like it originally began. You are in UWF, because the Raw Roster and the Smackdown Rosters must remain as even as possible. In other words, to everyone around you, you are simply a number and no matter how much these “peeps” cheer you on or even reject you, you will never break through the glass window because you are several stories below it without any idea how to reach it. My word, would do wonders for you, my salvation would allow you to reach the potential everyone states you have yet you never seem to show, but that is simply my position on your lack of one.
Damien cocks an eyebrow as he remembers someone who spoke via the tron.
The same position I hold for the good reverend, for you are no stranger to changing to attempt to stay relevant. You’ve lost your way and become just another abhorrent “hardcore” cretin, and now you have settled back into your position quoting the self-proclaimed “good book”. It’s disheartening to see, for should you join my word with your family, and experience the books I have to parlay instead of holding all your eggs on one basket with just one. There would be no telling the possibilities for you lot, alas some lost souls are so convinced they have found their way when they find the same path so many others have beaten into the ground they cannot fathom the large percentage of ignoramuses that inhabit our world. Either way your lack of true vision only reveals your true chances in this bout.
Chances similar to those of one Mr. Styles, who holds this companies most abhorrent and despondent title the…”hardcore” championship... believes himself to be phenomenal yet I have having trouble finding anything extraordinary or remarkable about him. Mr. Styles is more lost than the lot of you, and as such all I could really state is how sad it is that he is separated by the brands so as to not be directly influenced by my word. But even if this is the case I insist Mr. Styles to accept me as his savior, for my enlightenment reaches far and even once as lost as him can be saved.
Sandow turns his gaze to one side, looking at Shark Boy and pauses for a moment.
…For some however the road to enlightenment passes through many obstacles and in this case spans the length of seas. But Mr…I’m sorry…Mr. Boy?...
Sandow rubs his eyes as if trying not to get a headache
I’m not sure what could have possibly occurred in your…”life” for it to end up this way, but in being an ever forgiving savior I cannot see anyone as too lost…even one of your stature. Perhaps your need to be viewed as a sea creature points towards how deeply rooted your lack of an identity is…perhaps behind that…fin…there is a mind needed to be molded.
Damien cringes a little, not sure what to make of Sharkboy, and quickly moves on.
Moving on, Mr. Masters and Ms. Layla. While so many here I only see as people who can be saved, both of you I see as simply people who need my word. I don’t see you two as infected by the disease of incompetence as the rest of the world, however I see a lack of focus on the bigger picture and while you may have the tools to accomplish something you need the intellect I offer to truly go anywhere. Either way, unlike the other abhorrent representatives of your brand, I wish you the best of luck on your Smackdown endeavors…for while you may not have the main event of Wrestlemania you two shall still have each other.
Sandow turns to the audience speaking out to the world
And that leaves only…well the rest of the Royal Rumble participants ready to emerge and make their own claims. Before you do so, allow me to reiterate: I, Damien Sandow, am going to win the Royal Rumble. I, Damien Sandow, am main-eventing Wrestlemania. And I, Damien Sandow, shall become your Worlds Heavyweight Champion. And while 29 people shall feel defeated, shall feel as if they failed, let me personally reassure you all. For in the loss of 29 shall come the actual victory of many, for in the ashes of your dreams rises a phoenix named Salvation. So in a way, all of you are assisting the future of intellect by being defeated…which means that thanks to my victory there isn’t only one like so many advertisements for this bout state…thanks to my victory we as a human race…win…You’re Welcome.