UWF 2013 Starrcade Trashtalking

[Nate]

Kurt Angle eyes both Shark Boy then Goldust, then goes 'pfft' and begins to speak.

Kurt Angle: I was expecting Roger Ebert to be risen from the dead when I heard that a guy who loves to quote friggin movies was coming to the UWF, but you've taken it one step further down Goldust; your probably at the level of the critics that post at the IMDB, which stands for I Might Die from Boredom, as in that's the reaction that everyone says there at the good movies. Of course they also say that I suck, but what do they know? I've never been one to become a couch potato and watch nothing but movies all day. Nah, I envison myself as someone that would take life by the horns and break it's friggin neck off for allowing morons like you to live. Hey come on now people, don't think I forgot about you. Of course I want you to watch my shows, I mean come on, how else am I going to pay for my new house, right? But in terms of impressing me with your movie knowlege, I think I'd be more impressed with your wrestling skills and talking trash to me. And quite frankly I don't think any of you have the guts to take me one on one.

The crowd boos at Angle, but Angle still has his smile on his face but then yells to the crowd in a sudden fury of anger.

I don't think anyone understands how frustrated I am right now. I mean I've decided to come back from my break and my big PPV match is taking place.... in Canada? Give me a freakin' break! At least have it in Toronto so I can brag that I won my match in a friggin piece of trash town that half of America knows, not some two bit dump like Vancouver. I mean you guys aren't even the freaking capitol of British Columbia, who why the hell are we even here? The only thing that's remotely special about this dump is the mentally Blue clinic that's down the streets, and I bet half of you in this very arena has a monthly appointment with Dr. Special. Get a grip on reality people, you are nothing to me and you are nothing to my people in America. Just like this walking artistic disaster and mutated fish that's standing right in front of me.

Goldust and Shark Boy both look at each other, then back to Angle who's still going on a tangent as per usual.

Now I know I probably struck a cord with my very harsh choice of words. So please allow me to say one thing: suck it up and get over it! I'm not excatly known to keep my thoughts to myself so you better get used to me being around. I follow my moral code; the Three 'I's, and I'm never afraid to speak my mind; because I am probably one of the most intelligent people in the UWF right now. I mean I chose a pretty damn good time to come back to the UWF. But that's enough promoting my greatness to you wannabes watching me, it's time to get back to buisness, and Goldust there's nothing else I can say to you without repeating myself; not like that you do that with your constant meaningless quotes from some of history's most boring movies ever produced. Kurt Angle looks at Shark Boy. It's now time to tear you apart; scale by scale.

Kurt Angle clears his throat and tries to silence the boos from the crowd, without much success.

I'm going to be quite honest with you pal, I see a small amount of potential in you. Of course when I use the term 'small amount' very loosely, because while you do possess some of the skills needed to go far in this industry, you do also make some pretty stupid choices. Just to name a couple of things that stick out of my mind; the mask you wear and pretending to be a shark is pretty damn strange on it's own, but trying to portray Stone Cold Steve Austin by developing a fake attitude and drinking that fish water is just plain pathetic. If you want to really show off your skills bucko, then you'll drop the fake crap that you possess and reveal your true colours in the ring with me. That is if you can best the best at what he does. Oh it's true, it's damn true!

Kurt Angle lowers his mic down as he waits for somebody else to speak up.​

 

[The Hoov]

As soon as Kurt lowers his microphone, he and Cody look at each other and give off the same evil smirk. Shark Boy is about to retort but Goldust places a hand on his mic and shakes his head. Goldust then lifts his microphone back up and looks at their opponents.

Goldust: "I find your lack of faith disturbing" Star Wars. 1977. Kurt......oh my dear sweet Kurtis......I also find your lack of calmness disturbing. Have I struck a nerve? Was it me or are you just normally uptight? Everything is upsetting you. It seems to me that maybe.......just maybe......you need a stress reliever. Well have no fear because I.....am here. Kurt, I want you to feel free to use me to relieve stress. Put your hands on me. I can see into those.....gorgeous eyes of yours that you have some pain behind them. Don't worry, Kurt. I can let that pain out. At Starrcade, it doesn't matter what kind of pain you have behind those eyes because that pain will pale in comparison to the kind of pain I will put you in. You see, at Starrcade, this isn't some Olympic-style wrestling match. This isn't a milk and cookies eating contest. No, Kurt, this is going to be warfare. There are no disqualifications. No count-outs. No escape. Kurt, mock me all you want, get yourself all.....worked......up, just for me, big boy, and I promise you that I'll put you down and out of your constant misery. Your world of Truths and your creedo of the "3 I's", they will fail you, Kurt, and you will fall at my golden feet, defeated and vulnerable. And just like the movies, it will be a wrap on the career of Kurt Angle, even before it truly begins here on SmackDown. Do I have the guts? Do I have the "testicular fortitude" ? Well, I'll just have to whip it out......and show you.......at Starrcade........


Goldust then looks over at his brother Cody before snarling at him. Goldust then continues speaking as the crowd is cheering him on.


Goldust: ......and you, baby brother, continuing to mock. Continuing to not see the bigger picture. Cody, I'm not sure if it's pure ignorance or denial that fuel your hateful words but I do know that they are misguided and ill-informed. I understand you, Cody, but it hurts knowing that you don't understand me. Cody, I'm here for your own good. Don't you see that? Deep down, down into that dark abyss you've created for yourself, take a look and you'll see what I'm trying to say. I'm not trying to relate to these people. I'm trying to relate to you. I know I haven't been the best older brother to you, Cody, but I'm here now to fix what I feel responsible for. The way you are.....the voices.......the never-ending voices......I know them. I know all too well what you go through. Your defense mechanisms are your way of dealing with your problems but I say, baby brother, don't fight them. Instead of resisting......instead of avoiding that deep dark abyss, I say dive head first into it. It's the only way, Cody........It's the only way to feel truly.....free. Free from ridicule. Free from criticism. At Starrcade, I will help you. "It's all part of the plan" baby brother. You can either fight it or you can accept it. Regardless, at Starrcade, I will hold no punches because that's the way it has to be. Cody, at Starrcade, we're gonna make Dad proud. We will lift the world high above our heads and with every minute of the match, as the seconds tick away, we will tear it apart until all that is left is you.....and me.......and it will be glorious......


Goldust then turns and looks at his partner Shark Boy before looking back at Cody and Kurt one last time.


Goldust: .....And, alongside my fishy friend here, the tandem of my baby brother and the gold medalist, they will fall. Shark Boy, I know you are ready to whip some bass and you might say, but Sharky, Starrcade means so much more than that. It's much more than a no disqualification match. It's much more than brothers on opposing sides. This match is the beginning of something.....transcendental. It's the birth of a movement. When Shark Boy and yours truly team together for the first time in history, the world, as Cody Rhodes and Kurt Angle know it, will be over. This time, Shark Boy and myself are here for good and we make the biggest statement we could possibly ever make.....and we do it at your expense and we will make damn sure you take us seriously. At Starrcade, when that bell rings and the match begins, you won't forget Shark Boy but you also will NEVER forget the name....... *inhales and exhales* Golllllllldusssssssst...........


Goldust lowers his mic as Shark Boy lifts his up again.​

 

[Sam]

Shark Boy raises his microphone.

Shark Boy: Damn straight, and you better listen up to yer big brother Cody because I sure as hell ain't repeatin' any of the freaky crap he's spoutin'. But let me put what I think Goldy here was trying to say in a way that all us Shark-O-Holics here in Vancouver can understand. At Starrcade we're gonna hear it, we're gonna hear... 'WOAH OH!. And I ain't doin' that again. But that's what we're gonna hear and out'll come little ol' Cody Rhodes in his dumb jacket with his fifty cent haircut and he'll stand there and he'll think to himself 'by golly, I've got an easy night tonight beatin' up a bunch of freaks'. Well Cody, I've just got one thing to say to you and that's that that thought right there?, well it's all wrong. Because the way I'm thinkin' is... while you and yer little buddy Angle are sittin' there thinkin' about all the Appletini's you're gon' drink after the show in one of those bars I think Goldy might frequent... no offence... I'm thinkin' about one thing and one thing only and that's openin' up a big ol' can of bass whip on your stupid bass!.

The crowd are going wild for Shark Boy

Now all this crap about rootin' for Shark Boy?, about bein' on Shark Boy's side?, well you can take all that and shove it straight up yer bass because all yer doin' is pissin' me off. Now I don't know 'bout you or what you get upto in yer spare time but I'll assume you've seen one of these nature documentaries. Maybe you've seen Shark Week on the Discovery Channel. Well you'll know then that two things you do not want is to be in the shark's waters... and you sure as hell don't want to piss the damn thing off. Well, son.. you've gone and done both!. You're standin' right now in Shark Boy's waters, and he's pissed off so all this fishcrap about rootin' for Shark Boy and all the bull about who you are and who you've beaten?, it goes out the window and you're gon' be left face to face with a man who don't give a damn about what you've done, who you've beaten and how many titles you've held in this industry... nah, you'll be standing face to face with a man with one objective and that's kickin' you two sumbitches asses with the help of this big Gold bastard right here.

Shark Boy points to Goldust who nods along ready for the fight ahead

And as for you Kurt, well I heard you come out here and talk about how Shark Boy's just a parody, how Shark Boy's some sort of act. Well Kurt, let me put it to you this way... yeah Shark Boy wears a costume, yeah Shark Boy likes to have fun, get down with all sorts of shenanigans and shit, he even talks in a Texas accent but I assure you right now, at Starrcade?, Sharky ain't jokin' 'round no more, at Starrcade it's all business and it's all about the bass-whoopin'. You can talk about how you can outwrestle Shark Boy, how you can outwrestle anybody on the roster and I'll give you that, but let me just remind ya that this ain't no Greco-Roman contest, this ain't no Amateur wrestlin' mat, this is the UWF and in UWF it ain't about how many pins you can get in a time limit, it ain't about two men grapplin' each other... it's about grown ass men gettin' in between these ropes into the squared circle and havin' a fight. Havin' a brawl, beatin' the hell out of each other to see who's tough enough, who has the heart and I'm tellin' ya right now Kurt, I am tough enough and I've got the heart to take it to you bell to bell and I've got what it takes to whip your bass all over Vancouver, Canada if I want to!

The crowd cheer at Shark Boy's promise to kick Angle's ass all over their city. Shark Boy walks over to Goldust and places his hand on his shoulder and continues to speak.

And this big gold freaky sumbitch sure as hell does too!. So fellas bring yer best, bring all you've got because we sure as hell win. All the blindsidin', all the attacks they all end with my boot directly implanted in both yer basses. And hell Goldy, I ain't got no problem with you comin' out to celebrate with me after we whip their basses. I mean you know what Canadian's and Shark Boy have in common don't ya?... that's right we all love crisp, clean, delicious cold beers!, and after we're done with these two sorry sumbitches I say we paint the town gold and blue and let the whole damn town know that at Starrcade Shark Boy and Goldust strolled in with the intention of being the resident Shellraisers and left with two sorry sumbitches left behind, basses whipped, can of bass whip opened and shell raised... AND THAT'S THE FISHIN LIIIINE... BECAUSE SHARK BOY... and Goldust... SAID SO!

Shark Boy throws the mic down flips off both Cody and Angle before he and Goldust drop out of the ring and up the ramp. Cody and Angle keep their eyes on their opponents as the dysfunctional pair stand at the top of the ramp and stare down at them.



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