S.H.I.T. Reborn - Superstars Having International Tussles (The New Sim League)

[Sky]

Sorry for the week of nothing... stuff has been difficult. SHIT Shadow Work coming soon

 

[Sky]

SHIT Shadow Work

SHIT Chaotic Championship - All Around The (Previous) Arena Match
Tyson Kidd (c) (Roy Mustang) vs. Jake Roberts (Crocker)
Starting in the men's room of the previous arena, it soon becomes an absolute mess, with it spilling out through the aisles, in the concessions... Highlights include: Roberts smashing Kidd's face into a toilet; Kidd doing an elbow drop off a hot dog stand; both men being stopped by security guys and then brawling with them; and finally... it spills into the arena itself! Where, believe it or not, a concert by Taylor Swift is taking place! Roberts goes out, grabs a loudhailer... then tells all the Swifties that Kidd thinks Kim Kardashian was right! Several minutes of Tyson Kidd being beaten to within an inch of his life, Roberts pins the bloody wreck and takes his title.
Winner: Jake Roberts - Time: 24:57

Special Six-Man Tag Team Match
My Dark Son/Hirooki Goto (Jeff/Cake/DC) vs. Bad to Worse/Biff Busick (Booty/Cwalker/BookerMan)
Some fairly straight wrestling to break up the chaos that we've just seen. In the end, UltraMantis Black is just about to get the pin, but... THE MACHINE comes out! The Machine attacks everyone... except Goto. He just stares at Goto, and then stacks up Goto's opponents to hand over the win. Dan and UMB have won too, but they're not happy...
Winners: My Dark Son/Hirooki Goto - Time: 9:23

Special Tag Team Match
The World's Fattest Tag Team (Chris/RSF) vs. JOB Squad International: Brooklyn Brawler/Rockstar Spud (Wang/Gipper)
Complete extended slaughter. It's only not two minutes long because each of them wanted to take turns destroying each of their opponents. Double splash to Spud ends it.
Winner: The World's Fattest Tag Team - Time: 6:43

Post-match, Haystacks Calhoun calls out James Ellsworth... and they splash him too! James Ellsworth is stretchered out... But suddenly the World's Fattest Tag Team are attacked from behind by IRS! And Roddy Piper is with them! They brawl to the back.

SHIT Tag Team Championship
DIFQ (c) (Barry/Gurry) vs. Samoan Murder Party (RDT/Mando)
Obviously, Jimmy Jacobs gets to play the role of face-in-peril here, being among three huge dudes. Earthquake's just making his big comeback when a man in a Jey Uso mask and shirt jumps the barricade! He attacks Quake from behind and gives him an Uso Splash in full view of the referee before running off. A disqualification... so DIFQ keep their titles!
Winner: DIFQ - Time: 17:17

Special... Tag Team... Match?
Yeet My Meat (Butters/Storm) vs. Maven/Naked Dominik Mysterio (BSE/Jimmy King)
Jey Uso hasn't seen the previous match, so he's especially confused as to why he's being booed. Top Militia come out to provide guest commentary... imagine how annoying that French accent from Dupree must be on the desk. Anyway... Naked Dom pulls something out of his fanny pack... brass knuckles, smashing Mideon in the face with it! Jey comes in, drags Mideon to his corner, makes the hot tag... Superkicks for everyone! Maven eats the pin.
Winner: Yeet My Meat - Time: 8:38

SHIT Chaotic Championship #1 Contender No Disqualification Match
The British Bulldog (Dale) vs. Darby Allin (Skyefire)
Weapons everywhere! Ill-advised hardcore spots everywhere! Darby wins with a Coffin Drop off a ladder! He then grabs a mic and threatens Jake Roberts (who is several states over right now).
Winner: Darby Allin - Time: 12:46

Battle for Momentum
Jason Jordan (OMB) vs. Test (Y2Jayne)
Fairly standard cooldown match. Test goes for the big boot early but crotches himself on the top rope. Jordan targets the leg and wins with an ankle lock.
Winner: Jason Jordan - Time: 4:32

SHIT Supreme Championship
Brian Adams (c) (BattleTank) vs. Wade Barrett (Nostradamus)
Bryan Clark and HOOK, respectively, are seconding. HOOK alone, though, can't overcome the interference. Especially when Fake "Jey Uso" comes out and blasts him with a steel chair! From there, Barrett's fighting 2-on-1, and the result is never in doubt. The KroniK era rages on.
Winner: Brian Adams - Time: 15:35

Thanks for watching...​

 

[Sky]

A Note from Commissioner Sky

A big part of KIF's Sim League back in the day was the interactivity, and I want to bring that back with SHIT. So, you can feel free to cut your own promos in this thread, try to strike up feuds, and who knows, I might even work the things you come up with into my creative!

Next event name: SHIT St. Anger​

 

[Bobby Barrows]

I want you all to know who the best team in the world is. It's DIFQ, baby.

RESPECT THE QUAKE-MUFFIN!

 

[Butters]

 

[Roy Mustang]

Jake you are truly a snake. You had to turn the swifites of the world against me to even have a chance! They are calling my wife a BOAT! WHO CALLS SOMEONE A BOAT! It is time you face the fact that I want my title back!

 

[Rosie]

*insert French stuff here*

 

[Canadian Dragon]

As a proud father of a former Grand Champion and a 6 man champion, I am appalled by the actions of The Machine interfering in our 6 man tag match. Now sure, another man may be thrilled to get to the pay window and bring home that check and be fine with simply feeding his family. However, in this household, we like to make sure we learn life lessons. We win the right way and without assistance, we pull ourselves up by our bootstraps and we work hard everyday. The Machine took that lesson away from me. He stuck his nose in my son and I's business, and for that, he deserves a spanking. I usually don't believe in spanking children, but The Machine is no child nor man, and therefor will have to pay the price. After I'm done my morning coffee and reading the paper, of course.

 

[Butters]

....YEET

 

[Vegeta]

*eats potato chips* Who wants to fight?

 

[Canadian Dragon]

IM COMING FOR YOU

 

[The Gipper]

Owwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwww ow ow ow ow. Why the double splash??? Ow ow ow ow ow. owwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwww.

 

[Sky]

SHIT St. Anger
In our main event, Wade Barrett takes on Bryan Clark in a match with everyone banned from ringside. The Supreme Champion, Brian Adams, will be watching this one closely, no doubt.
After the disqualification in their previous match, DIFQ and the Samoan Murder Party will have a Tag Team Championship rematch! And this time, it's in a steel cage!
Jake Roberts defends his newly-won Chaotic Championship against Darby Allin... and Darby has chosen a skate park as the location!
Jason Jordan takes on Hirooki Goto... but will the Machine interfere again?
Naked Mideon will finally finish his rivalry with Naked Dominik Mysterio. Their fists will be taped, but neither man will wear a stitch of clothing. And the loser is banned from SHIT!
While Naked Mideon is busy, the unusual team of HOOK and Jey Uso will battle Bad to Worse!
IRS and Roddy Piper team for the first time to take on the World's Fattest Tag Team!

Coming soon...​

 

[Sky]

SHIT St. Anger

SHIT Chaotic Championship - Skate or Die Match
Jake Roberts (c) (Crocker) vs. Darby Allin (Skyefire)
There's gonna be no helmets or pads for this shitfest in a skate park! Both men's bodies take a huge amount of punishment. Roberts DDT's Darby on to a skateboard, which does a perfect kickflip in the air and lands on Roberts' face. Darby skates over the champion's leg. In the end. Roberts pushes Darby off a (gimmicked) tall half-pipe, which collapses. Roberts can easily cover him after that.
Winner: Jake Roberts - Time: 17:36

Stalked by the Machine
Hirooki Goto (DC) vs. Jason Jordan (OMB)
Fairly even until the Machine once again comes out. This serves as too much of a distraction for Jordan, allowing Goto to get a roll-up and win.
Winner: Hirooki Goto - Time: 10:03

Post-match, Goto and the Machine stare each other down (as much as the Machine can, in a mask), until Dan the Dad and UltraMantis Black come out to attack the Machine! Goto does nothing to help, but doesn't join the beatdown either...

Taped Fists, Loser is Banned from SHIT
Naked Mideon (Storm) vs. Naked Dominik Mysterio (Jimmy King)
Both men are wearing wrist tape, fanny packs, and nothing else. A bizarre spectacle that quickly devolves into punching each other really hard in the dick over and over again... until Dom gets a lucky punch to the face that knocks Naked Mideon down and out... Naked Mideon is banned from SHIT.
Winner: Naked Dominik Mysterio - Time: 9:46

Special Tag Team Match
Jey Uso/HOOK (Butters/Blaze) vs. Bad to Worse (Cwalker/Booty)
The makeshift team of Jey and HOOK have a fairly even battle with these two, regular tag team structure, you know. Jey is once again about to go for a splash, but he can't bring himself to do so, Until... Top Militia jump out of the crowd, in street clothes, and shove Jey off the top rope! This, by some miracle, allows him to land front-first on Bad News Brown!
Winners: Jey Uso/HOOK - Time: 7:57

We go to backstage, where JOB Squad International is brawling with Test and the British Bulldog! Maven makes the save, breaking it all up... six-man tag next show confirmed.

SHIT Tag Team Championship Steel Cage Match
DIFQ (c) (Barry/Gurry) vs. Samoan Murder Party (RDT/Mando)
No chance for the fake "Jey Uso" to interfere, but there is chance for much more violence! Both men get colour, and once again Jimmy Jacobs is thrown to the wolves. Earthquake gets the hot tag on Rikishi, but runs into a Samoan Spike! Umaga uses Quake's body to tag in Jacobs, then hits the pop-up Samoan drop for the win! New champs!
Winners: Samoan Murder Party - Time: 15:32

We see HOOK backstage... when he's suddenly attacked by the fake "Jey Uso"!!

Debut of a New Team
The World's Fattest Tag Team (Chris/RSF) vs. IRS/Roddy Piper (LHR/Lethal)
Haystacks Calhoun is at his violentest here, attacking both men and laying them out on the outside... while in the process, getting counted out.
Winners: Draw (Double Count-Out) - Time: 6:19

Everyone Banned from Ringside
Wade Barrett (Nostradamus) vs. Bryan Clark (Looch)
Brian Adams is definitely watching from the back... Wade Barrett has the match won with two straight Wastelands, but... his knee collapses! What happened there? Clark can recover enough to hit a chokeslam and get the win!
Winner: Bryan Clark - Time: 14:32

Post-match, Brian Adams comes out to celebrate with Clark. And they shake hands with... HARDCORE HOLLY?? Yes, it seems they've paid off Holly to cripple Barrett! What the hell? There are no depths KroniK will not sink to reach the highest highs. And then they give the High Times to Holly. Thanks for the money, jackass.​

 

[Rosie]

Rene Dupree demands to be booked against someone in a French-Canadian rules match.

Same as a normal one.

But instead, the official needs to count in French.