2 Master review threads in 2 days. You people are too lucky.
Kurt Angle & Braun Strowman & Samoa Joe segment
…Jason Jordan is Angle’s son. That’s how we open this show off. This is WWE in 2017. Great Khali returns, Jinder Mahal is WWE Champion and Jason FREAKING Jordan is Kurt Angle’s son. Anyway so Kurt Angle does his thing about his kid. Angle then goes to announce Brocks opponent at Summerslam but Braun interrupts him and does his thing about not fearing Brock. Then Joe comes out and suddenly it’s so obvious that a certain number 1 contenders match is about to happen. So he says stuff before Roman Reigns comes out. Is he face? Is he heel? I think the writing team has given up with which one he is. So this is clearly gonna be a triple threat unless someone random like Jordan shows up. Jason ain’t showing up is he? Awh. Reigns says stuff…..And I’ve just realised Reigns has been here 5 years. That makes me cry. OKAY NEVERMIND. WWE’s just gonna book themselves into a corner. Kurt Angle books a FATAL 4 WAY MATCH for Summerslam. K. Now Reigns suddenly starts a brawl which he didn’t need to. They brawl and Braun takes out a couple of security guards. Before the RAW roster comes down to try and separate them. Anyone else feel like they use the raw roster as security way too much.
Elias Sampson vs Finn Balor in a no disqualification match
This is the first I have seen Sampson on a show and I’m genuinely intrigued. And now he’s started to sing. So…is this like the Rock Concert but as a gimmick? And every week? Huh. And here’s mr overrated! I just don’t like him. His gimmick is just some guy who puts some facepaint on every now and then. I’m atleast glad that they sell Guitar shots better than Jarrett. So the match goes on for a while until Balor hits the coup de grace or whatever it’s called. Suddenly BRAY WYATT APPEARS! Bray sister Abigails Balor! Which allows Sampson to pin for the win. Afterwards Bray gives Balor the lick of death! Wait, wrong promotion. Dammit. Well atleast Balor’s gonna win this rivalry.
Sidenote. I forgot how many adverts there was on a episode of Raw. And they’re all American while I’m British. So these adverts make even less sense to me.
Emma & Angle segment
Kurt Angle did the thing as he encouraged Jordan. Yay. Then Emma showed up! Emma showing her frustration and stuff then suggests that she should start dating Jordan! LET THE FANFICS AND THE SHIPPING FLY! WOOOO! Anyway Angle doesn’t approve so he puts Emma against Nia Jax. Because how dare other women get on the card other than Bayley, Sasha, Bliss & Jax! Emma makes me sick. Also Grievous might be happy with this.
Enzo Amore vs Big Cass
How long will this take? I will have a timer go on in the background of whatever this man is saying. Talking about keys to engines. Don’t know but Enzo took 3 minutes with that promo. I hate you Enzo! The match starts as Enzo gets surprisingly more offense than Great Balls of F- ITS STILL SUCH A STUPID NAME! WHY!? But of course, Cass reverses Enzo’s dropkick and then brutalises Enzo brutally. Cass wins with a big boot. Then Cass continues to beat down Amore until Big Show shows up and beats up Cass. Why is this fake friendship between Enzo & Show a thing?
Nia Jax vs Emma
Nia squash. There was no point of this match.
Akira vs Davari
Cruiserweights! FLIPPY STUFF! Except from the fact that it’s a interview, it’s pretty much a recap until Titus shows up and reveals that he removed the match. Tozawa went out instead. Tozawa ends up pushing away Titus and titus goes backstage. Cruiserweights don’t get this much screen time on raw, what is this? Oh and suddenly, Neville comes out. The man who once tagged with the Green Arrow, now is one of the best parts of RAW. Neville does a alright promo until Akira attacks Neville and hits his top rope senton thing before Davari comes in and takes out everyone! Because reasons!
Bayley and Sasha segment
Sasha teases a heel turn. That’s all I care about in this segment.
Ambrose and Rollins segment
WHAT IS THAT T-SHIRT! BURN THAT T-SHIRT NOW! Anyway Ambrose and Rollins talk and talk and talk and turns out there’s a handicap match with them two against Miz & Dallas & Axel
BAYLEY VS SASHA
Bayley’s theme is underrated. Just want to point that out. So Sasha and Bayley are fighting so they get a titleshot at Bliss at Summerslam. And speaking of Alexa, she’s on commentary. Great, she added nothing. Long story short. Bayley reversed the frog splash by Sasha into a pin. And I swear, Sasha don’t turn Heel. You know it would be a bad idea. Okay good. Bliss just walks in and raises the title. I want Bayley out of the title picture plz. [HASHTAG]#Sashadeservesbetter[/HASHTAG] Not the first time, that hashtag will be used in this thread.
Curt Hawkins Interview
A jobber is given microphone time?! It’s James Ellsworth all over again but this time with Curt Hawkins.
Jason Jordan vs Curt Hawkins
I wanna point out something. Curt Hawkins has been linked to Edge for all of his career. Jordan’s now linked to Kurt Angle. Kurt Angle vs Edge. BOOOOOO. Anyway Jordan squash with Jordan ending it with a backsuplex into a neckbreaker thing.
Revival vs The Club
Revival came out and talked. The Club came out and interrupted them. I am so bored. They have a match which is surprisingly decent. But at the end, Hardyz come out, distract Revival then Club throws them out of the ring but then Hardyz distracts The Club and that means that the Revival get the victory. Then Hardyz clear house.
The members of the Shield that people actually like vs the Miztourage
I’ll be honest….I wouldn’t have minded it if they just shoe horned Reigns into this. He had nothing better to do so why not? He had his Universal championship build up. Hell, we could have had The Shield vs Miztourage and have Braun vs Joe. Make it a bit more exciting. Anyway Dean and Rollins worked together alrighty. I’m waiting for Ambrose to hit the dirty deeds to Rollins afterwards. Also the ending came when Rollins hit that high knee off the turnbuckle then Ambrose capitalised and hit the dirty deeds. No dirty deeds to rollins but Seth did try to do the Shield thing and it failed as Ambrose blanked him. Get rekt m8
…Jason Jordan is Angle’s son. That’s how we open this show off. This is WWE in 2017. Great Khali returns, Jinder Mahal is WWE Champion and Jason FREAKING Jordan is Kurt Angle’s son. Anyway so Kurt Angle does his thing about his kid. Angle then goes to announce Brocks opponent at Summerslam but Braun interrupts him and does his thing about not fearing Brock. Then Joe comes out and suddenly it’s so obvious that a certain number 1 contenders match is about to happen. So he says stuff before Roman Reigns comes out. Is he face? Is he heel? I think the writing team has given up with which one he is. So this is clearly gonna be a triple threat unless someone random like Jordan shows up. Jason ain’t showing up is he? Awh. Reigns says stuff…..And I’ve just realised Reigns has been here 5 years. That makes me cry. OKAY NEVERMIND. WWE’s just gonna book themselves into a corner. Kurt Angle books a FATAL 4 WAY MATCH for Summerslam. K. Now Reigns suddenly starts a brawl which he didn’t need to. They brawl and Braun takes out a couple of security guards. Before the RAW roster comes down to try and separate them. Anyone else feel like they use the raw roster as security way too much.
Elias Sampson vs Finn Balor in a no disqualification match
This is the first I have seen Sampson on a show and I’m genuinely intrigued. And now he’s started to sing. So…is this like the Rock Concert but as a gimmick? And every week? Huh. And here’s mr overrated! I just don’t like him. His gimmick is just some guy who puts some facepaint on every now and then. I’m atleast glad that they sell Guitar shots better than Jarrett. So the match goes on for a while until Balor hits the coup de grace or whatever it’s called. Suddenly BRAY WYATT APPEARS! Bray sister Abigails Balor! Which allows Sampson to pin for the win. Afterwards Bray gives Balor the lick of death! Wait, wrong promotion. Dammit. Well atleast Balor’s gonna win this rivalry.
Sidenote. I forgot how many adverts there was on a episode of Raw. And they’re all American while I’m British. So these adverts make even less sense to me.
Emma & Angle segment
Kurt Angle did the thing as he encouraged Jordan. Yay. Then Emma showed up! Emma showing her frustration and stuff then suggests that she should start dating Jordan! LET THE FANFICS AND THE SHIPPING FLY! WOOOO! Anyway Angle doesn’t approve so he puts Emma against Nia Jax. Because how dare other women get on the card other than Bayley, Sasha, Bliss & Jax! Emma makes me sick. Also Grievous might be happy with this.
Enzo Amore vs Big Cass
How long will this take? I will have a timer go on in the background of whatever this man is saying. Talking about keys to engines. Don’t know but Enzo took 3 minutes with that promo. I hate you Enzo! The match starts as Enzo gets surprisingly more offense than Great Balls of F- ITS STILL SUCH A STUPID NAME! WHY!? But of course, Cass reverses Enzo’s dropkick and then brutalises Enzo brutally. Cass wins with a big boot. Then Cass continues to beat down Amore until Big Show shows up and beats up Cass. Why is this fake friendship between Enzo & Show a thing?
Nia Jax vs Emma
Nia squash. There was no point of this match.
Akira vs Davari
Cruiserweights! FLIPPY STUFF! Except from the fact that it’s a interview, it’s pretty much a recap until Titus shows up and reveals that he removed the match. Tozawa went out instead. Tozawa ends up pushing away Titus and titus goes backstage. Cruiserweights don’t get this much screen time on raw, what is this? Oh and suddenly, Neville comes out. The man who once tagged with the Green Arrow, now is one of the best parts of RAW. Neville does a alright promo until Akira attacks Neville and hits his top rope senton thing before Davari comes in and takes out everyone! Because reasons!
Bayley and Sasha segment
Sasha teases a heel turn. That’s all I care about in this segment.
Ambrose and Rollins segment
WHAT IS THAT T-SHIRT! BURN THAT T-SHIRT NOW! Anyway Ambrose and Rollins talk and talk and talk and turns out there’s a handicap match with them two against Miz & Dallas & Axel
BAYLEY VS SASHA
Bayley’s theme is underrated. Just want to point that out. So Sasha and Bayley are fighting so they get a titleshot at Bliss at Summerslam. And speaking of Alexa, she’s on commentary. Great, she added nothing. Long story short. Bayley reversed the frog splash by Sasha into a pin. And I swear, Sasha don’t turn Heel. You know it would be a bad idea. Okay good. Bliss just walks in and raises the title. I want Bayley out of the title picture plz. [HASHTAG]#Sashadeservesbetter[/HASHTAG] Not the first time, that hashtag will be used in this thread.
Curt Hawkins Interview
A jobber is given microphone time?! It’s James Ellsworth all over again but this time with Curt Hawkins.
Jason Jordan vs Curt Hawkins
I wanna point out something. Curt Hawkins has been linked to Edge for all of his career. Jordan’s now linked to Kurt Angle. Kurt Angle vs Edge. BOOOOOO. Anyway Jordan squash with Jordan ending it with a backsuplex into a neckbreaker thing.
Revival vs The Club
Revival came out and talked. The Club came out and interrupted them. I am so bored. They have a match which is surprisingly decent. But at the end, Hardyz come out, distract Revival then Club throws them out of the ring but then Hardyz distracts The Club and that means that the Revival get the victory. Then Hardyz clear house.
The members of the Shield that people actually like vs the Miztourage
I’ll be honest….I wouldn’t have minded it if they just shoe horned Reigns into this. He had nothing better to do so why not? He had his Universal championship build up. Hell, we could have had The Shield vs Miztourage and have Braun vs Joe. Make it a bit more exciting. Anyway Dean and Rollins worked together alrighty. I’m waiting for Ambrose to hit the dirty deeds to Rollins afterwards. Also the ending came when Rollins hit that high knee off the turnbuckle then Ambrose capitalised and hit the dirty deeds. No dirty deeds to rollins but Seth did try to do the Shield thing and it failed as Ambrose blanked him. Get rekt m8
