Lance Storm bitch smacks TNA. (Again)

[Tsaalyo Phoenix]

Ok CMS, you want a point-for-point? Ask and ye shall receive.

To avoid this turning into a long rant I am simply going to ask a few of the questions that ran threw my mind this week while I watched Impact.

Well then, let's hear them! After all, your opinion matters. :shifty:

- Am I the only one that noticed that TNA Impact this week had less than 18 minutes of actual wrestling on the program. Official match times totaled, I believe, 17 minutes and 55 second. ECW has had more wrestling minutes than that on their show and ECW is but half the length. If we break down the entire 120 minutes of the program we have 18 minutes of wrestling (I rounded up), 32 minutes of commercials, and 70 minutes of skits, promos, and general stupidity. Keep in mind the name of this company is Total Nonstop Action, yet only 15% of this show was action. This leaves 27% of the show for commercials, and 58% of the show skits, comedy, and talking. There was even one stretch where they went 37 minutes with out a wrestling match. Can this even be called a wrestling show anymore?

This is the time breakdown of a single show. Such breakdowns have occured on every brand in WWE, albeit rarely, but this scenario is rare for TNA as well. He's acting like this outlying variable is the norm. Kinda reminds me of when Peta published that video of the KFC chicken farmer throwing chickens against the wall, and tried to pass it off as a common occurance rather than the reality of that employee being immediately fired. And besides if you want to nitpick time, look at any three minute Smackdown main event. There are a hell of a lot more of those to choose from than there are episodes of Impact with a less than desirable amount of actual wrestling.

- Why would any sane person book Jay Lethal vs. Alex Shelley and Christy Hemme vs. Sejourner Bolt on the same show and decide to give the latter match more than twice the time as the former? We had the opportunity to see Jay Lethal and Alex Shelly wrestling in TNA (Total Nonstop Action) and they were given less than 2 minutes for their match. What a wasted opportunity to entertain fans! I guess the thought process must be that the big Sejourner Bolt heel turn will draw ratings and PPV buys. I know I’m on the edge of my seat waiting to find out where that angle goes. Are there not already more heels than faces in the Knockouts division?

Once again, trying to pass off an odd occurance as common practice. It's typically the Knockouts that get shafted for time in favor of the men, and besides that, the ratings SPIKED at Christy/Bolt. The numbers don't lie. And besides, we all know that if AJ/Shelly was given 20 minutes everyone would be criticizing TNA for putting PPV-quality matches on free TV, saying "why would anybody buy a PPV if they get THIS for free? Bad marketing, man, baaaad marketing." Pick an opinion and stick with it.

- Why are backstage segments not reshot when guys screw up and call Brother Rey, “Bubba”? Bubba isn’t his name on this show nor has it even been!

Pressed for time, maybe? Or maybe they realize that a single mixup is not going to devalue the show for anyone besides arrogant has-beens with too much time on their hands? Raise your hand if you seriously believe that the typical fan gives a damn that Ray was called Bubba. Hell, a lot of fans are new and probably don't even know why he was called Bubba at all. They probably thought it was some kind of fat joke, and it was forgotten as quickly as it was said. But I guess if you have time to graph tv shows to the milisecond, this type of thing seems like a huge issue.

- What does it mean if Samoa Joe is the last LEGIT old school bad ass? Does it mean the rest of the guys on the roster are all just a bunch of FAKE tough guys? I guess that is at least consistent with the current booking trend, as damn near everyone in the Front Line is booked like dumb pussies.

*gasps again* The HEELS are being booked like they aren't as talented as the FACES and therefore CHEAT TO WIN?! OH MY GOD, THIS CANNOT STAND!!

As for implying that Joe is the last old-school badass in front of the other faces, well, it's true. Joe is more of one than AJ, and besides that, since when does not being an old-school badass imply that you are therefore a worthless pussy? New school for life, dawg. Matt Morgan be kickin' your ass.

- I know it’s his gimmick but why the hell was James Storm allowed to come to the ring with a beer bottle in his hand, in a beer bottle on a pole match? Why bother climbing the F—king pole, when he is allowed to bring a beer bottle to ring side with him? Have you ever seen a weapon on a pole match where one of the guys in the match just comes out with the weapon to start the match?

The object of the match was the bottle on the POLE, not the one Storm drinks from to, you know, coincide with his whole gimmick. James has more than one beer bottle, you know. You can stick anything up that pole - you win the match by retrieving it! If it was a hardcore match and that was a kendo stick up there, you're still allowed to come to the ring with a kendo stick in each hand if you want. You win the match by climbing the pole and grabbing THAT one.

- Is TNA trying to appeal to the mentally challenged by booking so many unbelievably stupid people on the program? I’m not saying this is a bad idea; it might be a good target market for them because I don’t see how or why any sane people could follow this show. The Beautiful people are so incredibly stupid that they not only think this fake Sarah Pallin is the real person (and no one in TNA has pointed out to them that she is not) but they also think she and John McCain won the election. Abyss is also now apparently Blue, not knowing the difference between cartoons and real life, and I know Curry man is “Japanese” but how does that translate into him being so stupid that he actually thinks there is a Fired Championship in TNA. Perhaps he thought Booker was inventing another pointless Title.

He's criticizing The Beautiful People for being booked as though they're not smart? Wow. Next he's going to criticize Kurt Angle for being booked as though he's arrogant.

Abyss was in kayfabe therapy for months and is not mentally stable. Simple as.

As for Curry Man, his stupidity is a source of amusement. This was not done in every show - in fact, it was done sparingly at best. So now it was done one final time. If you have a problem with it, if you don't find it funny, good for you. Other people enjoyed it. This may come as a surprise, but you are not the center of the universe and your opinion is one of millions. Think about that, Lancelot.

- Who is TNA creative has the testicular fixation? Samoa Joe lost 2 PPV main events in a row because of Ball shots. Jay Lethal lost this week due to a ball shot. Matt Morgan got laid out with a Ball shot to set up the finish on the pole match. Kong should be World Champ based solely on the fat that she isn’t susceptible to ball shots.

Someone kick Lance in the balls, please, since he obviously doesn't respect how that feels. Ok, it's happening a little more often than usual, but a fan of WWE wrestling has no right to bitch about match predictability.

- WTF happened between the MEM and Mick Foley? Kurt all but threatened to kill Foley at the PPV and somehow after a 2-minute conversation they are all laughing and joking like old friends. This may have been intended to create curiosity but it just came off contradictory and unbelievable to me. This may be the fastest I’ve quit caring about a new “Superstar” addition to the company.

*gasp* A storyline occurance that you did not forsee! Invariably Blue! :disgust1: You don't know what went on in that locker room, and it certainly wasn't just two minutes, so quit grasping at straws.

- Who thought having the guy from Iran wear a towel on his head would be a good idea? Are they trying to alienate every segment of the population? Foreigners are stupid, Muslims wearing towels on their heads, this is so unbelievably offensive to me and I am neither Muslim nor Foreign.

When Shiek stops getting heat, then try this argument. If it's offensive to you, good for you; most people aren't political correctness whores and don't actually care. Why not complain that so many black wrestlers rap or do breakdance windmills? Why not complain about LAX being so stereotypical any real Latin American just laughs at it? (Key note: LAUGHS; is not offended by.) The whole World X Cup was a massive conglomeration of racial stereotypes; why doesn't Lance complain about that?

The straws. Stop grasping them.

 

[Hidden Blaze]

When I can rep again Roxxi is getting some.

But I agree alot of that crap he complained about is very rare for TNA. If he would have been talking about WWE most of you all probably would have been bitching at him for bashing WWE.(Notice I said MOST not all) Now if this was an every week thing I could see where Lance was coming from but really come on you see this on WWE also.

 

[Beer]

Lmao. Roxxi owned Lance.

 

[★Chuck Zombie★]

I thought I posted in thsi thread...

I think I had the same problem here. I posted a reply to Roxxi, and now it's not here. Hmmm.

Anyway, I just wanted to point out that I think Roxxi falls back on the "you are nobody and your opinion doesn't matter" bit a little too much. So if he's a has-been wrestler and his opinion doesn't matter, how does that justify you even responding? Other than that for the most part you're right. Except:

A storyline occurance that you did not forsee! Invariably Blue! You don't know what went on in that locker room, and it certainly wasn't just two minutes, so quit grasping at straws.

I think he's referring to the fact that no one explained why there was an attitude change. It confuses people. It's like WWE saying John Cena deserved the title match because he was at the top of the ladder when he went out when he lost a number 1 contender match. Yet Orton, who was coming back at the same time wasn't at the top of the ladder and he was injured DURING a title match? What happened in between John Cena's injury and return that put him higher than Orton AND Batista. It irks the hell out of me that they didn't explain that.

If he would have been talking about WWE most of you all probably would have been bitching at him for bashing WWE.

I don't know anyone on this forum who blindly follows WWE that much to where they deny all criticism. Let alone most of the people here. I'm not really active in that forum and I don't have a chance to see anyone like this. But yeah, if there is anyone like that, they're dumb.

 

[The Rated R CMStar]

Now if this was an every week thing I could see where Lance was coming from but really come on you see this on WWE also.

It isnt. And Lance Storm didn't say it was. He is bashing SPECIFICALLY the last iMPACT.

This is the time breakdown of a single show. Such breakdowns have occured on every brand in WWE, albeit rarely, but this scenario is rare for TNA as well. He's acting like this outlying variable is the norm. Kinda reminds me of when Peta published that video of the KFC chicken farmer throwing chickens against the wall, and tried to pass it off as a common occurance rather than the reality of that employee being immediately fired. And besides if you want to nitpick time, look at any three minute Smackdown main event. There are a hell of a lot more of those to choose from than there are episodes of Impact with a less than desirable amount of actual wrestling

First, again, he's referring to the last iMPACT. At any point he said it was a constant in TNA(altough it is, not to the extreme TNA hit on last show, but as of late they have more promos than wrestling), so in here he's right.

Second, to make this point valid you should have choose RAW, not SD, the show which has given us stellar main events since moving to MyNetwork TV.

Pressed for time, maybe? Or maybe they realize that a single mixup is not going to devalue the show for anyone besides arrogant has-beens with too much time on their hands? Raise your hand if you seriously believe that the typical fan gives a damn that Ray was called Bubba. Hell, a lot of fans are new and probably don't even know why he was called Bubba at all. They probably thought it was some kind of fat joke, and it was forgotten as quickly as it was said. But I guess if you have time to graph tv shows to the milisecond, this type of thing seems like a huge issue

First, TNA fans aren't new, they are old smarks who CHOOSE not to take importance into this. And now, it's not really important, but still, it shouldn't happen. I bet you, if they have had HHH call Edge "Sexton", a lot of people would be jumping bitching their ass out, and in other cases coughQuintasticOnecough, screaming that kayfabe is dead.

*gasps again* The HEELS are being booked like they aren't as talented as the FACES and therefore CHEAT TO WIN?! OH MY GOD, THIS CANNOT STAND!!

As for implying that Joe is the last old-school badass in front of the other faces, well, it's true. Joe is more of one than AJ, and besides that, since when does not being an old-school badass imply that you are therefore a worthless pussy? New school for life, dawg. Matt Morgan be kickin' your ass.

Storm didn't make much sense in this part anyways. However, give me a break, the heels are being booked as not being as good as the Frontline? When, between them squashing Joe or them beating AJ. The truth remains, the Frontline has been booked horribly in this feud.

The object of the match was the bottle on the POLE, not the one Storm drinks from to, you know, coincide with his whole gimmick. James has more than one beer bottle, you know. You can stick anything up that pole - you win the match by retrieving it! If it was a hardcore match and that was a kendo stick up there, you're still allowed to come to the ring with a kendo stick in each hand if you want. You win the match by climbing the pole and grabbing THAT one.

Now, I didn't watch this match, but normally the "in a pole" matches, the point is that when a wrestler grabs whatever it's hanging from the pole. If this was the case, then Storm was right, as why would Storm bother on climbing the pole when he already came down with it and should be able to use it.

He's criticizing The Beautiful People for being booked as though they're not smart? Wow. Next he's going to criticize Kurt Angle for being booked as though he's arrogant.

Abyss was in kayfabe therapy for months and is not mentally stable. Simple as.

As for Curry Man, his stupidity is a source of amusement. This was not done in every show - in fact, it was done sparingly at best. So now it was done one final time. If you have a problem with it, if you don't find it funny, good for you. Other people enjoyed it. This may come as a surprise, but you are not the center of the universe and your opinion is one of millions. Think about that, Lancelot

Again, Lance Storm is bashing the last show in particular, not the entire booking of the year, so basically you just proved Storm right, as those three angles of people being booked as stupids happened during the same show. Overkill.

Someone kick Lance in the balls, please, since he obviously doesn't respect how that feels. Ok, it's happening a little more often than usual, but a fan of WWE wrestling has no right to bitch about match predictability.

Last time WWE resolved their main events consecutively with the same ending?

Also, a fan of WWE wrestling, after the last PPVs, can bitch about match predicabilty.

*gasp* A storyline occurance that you did not forsee! Invariably Blue! You don't know what went on in that locker room, and it certainly wasn't just two minutes, so quit grasping at straws

Whatever could have happend, it still doesn't make sense that in the span of less than two hours, somebody goes from threatening someone to laughing with them. Imagine the same very thing happenign at Summerslam, with HBK and Jericho kissing on the cheek after Jericho nailed Rebecca. Also, since it seems to be your argument about it, where did Storm said the angle sucked because he didn't see it coming. He says it suck because it makes no sense. You are even having to resort to the "hey, we don't know what happened backstage" to try to explain it.


What I didn't mention in this post, Roxxi is completely right.


Another thing, Lance Storm doesn't only bash TNA. He has bashed WWE before (he had a column of the same lenght about last year ranting about how much Hornswoggle sucked and how that week's Raw (the one with HHH coming back and being on the Cabana with Carlito and Vince) had sucked.

Some things he said were nitpicking, but you can't just close your eyes and belittle what happened. TNA only put 18 minutes of wrestling in their show. That's some serious shit by itself. BTW Roxxi, the rant of Storm about the knockouts match going longer than Lethal vs Shelley wasn't exactly about it going longer than the latter, but about the fact that the latter only when for 2 MINUTES.

Also, again, at any point Lance Storm said this was a constant in TNA. He bashed only this show, so to all of you how tried to defend it saying "it's not a constant, so ha, you fail", well, fail, because he never said it was.

 

[1chiban]

I agree with the 'towel' on Bashir's head. No need for that. Glad they took the plane crash noise out of his music after the first week though.

That being said Storm himself is being mildly racist when he calls it a 'towel' isn't he?!

 

[Axis]

Oh boo hoo. Political correctness is the least of TNA's problems right now. If having a turban on hurts your feelings, then you are a pussy and probably shouldn't be watching the product of an industry that has frequently gone outside the realm of what is "right."

 

[Moonlight Drive]

I'm tired of this 'ZOMG KNOCKOUTS DRAW BIG~!' shit. They draw big because the rest of the show is just less awful. It's not hard to stand out in that rabble of mediocrity

 

[chessarmy]

It is absolutely mind boggling that you all jumped on the band wagon and actually agreed with basically everything this guy said. I thought you were better than that. So James Storm coming down to the ring with a beer bottle is wrong? Brother Ray PUTTING OVER SAMOA JOE is also not the right thing to do? Planting the seeds for what could be a huge heel turn is something to complain about? While the not enough wrestling argument is credible, why doesn't he actually take a look at what TNA has done on PPV. Every PPV this year had at the very least a *** 3/4 star match, but of course that isn't worth mentioning. TNA goes through short stretches where the shows focus more on storylines, and some weeks its more on the wrestling. Yes, he was talking about this past week's iMPACT! so I'll give him the benefit of the doubt, but there is absolutely no reason to complain about everything else.

I said it once, and I'll say it again. TNA is producing the most fast paced, high octane, exciting must see TV that everyone shits on week after week. Eventually, they're not going to listen to us anymore because of people like Lance Storm who will complain about literally ANYTHING. As far as I'm concerned, if you're going to bash a wrestling company like this just to be a part of the crowd, you're not a wrestling fan.

 

[monkeystyle]

BAAAAAAAAA....

 

[Moonlight Drive]

It is absolutely mind boggling that you all jumped on the band wagon and actually agreed with basically everything this guy said.

Because he made good points, duh.

So James Storm coming down to the ring with a beer bottle is wrong?

Heyman: Hey Sandman, we're having a Cane on a pole match!
Sandman: Hold on, lemme grab my cane!

The point was it defeated the stupid gimmick by Storm coming out with a bottle.

Planting the seeds for what could be a huge heel turn is something to complain about?

I didn't even see that, which part are you talking about?

While the not enough wrestling argument is credible, why doesn't he actually take a look at what TNA has done on PPV. Every PPV this year had at the very least a *** 3/4 star match, but of course that isn't worth mentioning

Because almost every other match is *. And name me every PPV match that was ***3/4 is you're so sure about it.

TNA goes through short stretches where the shows focus more on storylines, and some weeks its more on the wrestling.

o rly? Example please.

I said it once, and I'll say it again. TNA is producing the most fast paced, high octane, exciting must see TV that everyone shits on week after week. Eventually, they're not going to listen to us anymore because of people like Lance Storm who will complain about literally ANYTHING. As far as I'm concerned, if you're going to bash a wrestling company like this just to be a part of the crowd, you're not a wrestling fan.

Yet in a column just about 2 or 3 months ago, Storm actually praised TNA.

 

[The Rated R CMStar]

Like I said before, the argument you are using about what TNA has done in the past doesn't work for this column, as Storm wasn't bashing the entire company, he was bashing ONLY LAST iMPACT.

Chess, when did he say Brother Ray putting Joe over (lol) was wrong?

And give me a break , planting seeds? They went from wanting to kill each other to laughing backstage. That just defies logic.

BTW, ZOMG, KNOCKOUTS DRAW BIG RATINGS. They do a freaking 1.2, while the rest of the show does 1.1


Bottom line is, TNA fans, take it easy. Storm didn't say everythign TNA is doing is wrong. He's just saying that what they did on LAST SHOW was awful, and it was.

Also, if we base the theory on being wrestling fans on last iMPACT, Chessarmy would be a promo/segment fan. :shifty:


Meh, anyways, I am a SPORTS ENTERTAINMENT fan

 

[chessarmy]

:laugh:

Because he made good points, duh.

If my good points you mean opinion, not fact, then I guess you're right.

Heyman: Hey Sandman, we're having a Cane on a pole match!
Sandman: Hold on, lemme grab my cane!

The point was it defeated the stupid gimmick by Storm coming out with a bottle.

How exactly? He put the bottle on the pole anyway. The point of the match was that if you take down the beer it becomes a legal weapon, so what if he fucking came out with it? Does it matter that much?

I didn't even see that, which part are you talking about?

His complaints about Mick Foley getting along with the Main Event Mafia backstage

Because almost every other match is *. And name me every PPV match that was ***3/4 is you're so sure about it.

I'll name all the ones I can remember:

Final Resolution: Christian Cage vs Kurt Angle
Against All Odds: Judas Mesias vs Abyss, Christian Cage vs Kurt Angle, Jay Lethal and the Guns vs Team 3D
Destination X: Team Angle vs Team Joe
Lockdown: Lethal Lockdown match, Samoa Joe vs Kurt Angle, Awesome Kong and Raisha Saeed vs Gail Kim and ODB (I think ODB was her partner, I'll have to double check though). X-Divison Xscape match
Sacrifice: Team 3D vs LAX
Slammiversary: KOTM, Angle vs AJ
Victory Road: Full Metal Mayhem
Hard Justice: Angle vs AJ, Booker vs Joe, Beer Money vs LAX
No Surrender: Joe vs Angle vs Cage, Lethal vs Dutt
Bound For Glory: Monster's Ball, Sting vs Joe, Angle vs Jarrett

o rly? Example please.

Either read the spoilers for this week's iMPACT! or actually watch the show. What will you notice? More wrestling.

Yet in a column just about 2 or 3 months ago, Storm actually praised TNA.

I was mostly talking about the IWC, this is good though

 

[Headfirst For Hardcore]

if you don't like something, why don't you try to express your opinion on it? It might be bitching, but you just can't let every week pass by with every shitty show in your mind, and just say "this is fine, I <3 this promotion." Everything needs constructive criticism.

I haven't watched TNA in ages, and it looks like I might not watch it for a long time to come. They've already alienated me with something I don't care about. They don't surprise me really, which is different from everything else. I don't have a problem with more of a focus on segments, but the way they're drawn up is just horrible. And having TNA's wrestlers trying to be edgy is so corny, and so lame, I can't stand it. There's no realism to it, and it isn't like a caricature like the WWE.

But what I do like is their hype. TNA can make some piece of shit match and actually make it somewhat important and brainwash the blind marks that it's a great match.

Every PPV this year had at the very least a *** 3/4 star match, but of course that isn't worth mentioning.

Who gives a shit about Star Ratings? Why would you want to follow what someone else says about your match, when you're entitled to your own opinion?

 

[chessarmy]

^ I rated that myself based on what I consider to be a good match