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Just gonna take a few shots and start this shit

Discussion in 'Reviews & Columns' started by Chris, Jan 7, 2018.

  1. Admin Post
    Koutei Senshi

    Koutei Senshi You Know What Time It Is

    Seems like the only good thing about that show was the poster.
     
    Deezy and Chris like this.
  2. Chris

    Chris It's me, it's me

    And Torrie's ring attire
     
    Deezy and Koutei Senshi like this.
  3. Chris

    Chris It's me, it's me

    Event: WOW Unleashed
    Date: February 4, 2001
    Venue: Great Western Forum in Inglewood, California
    Attendance: ~9500
    Commentators: Bobby Heenan & Lee Marshall

    WOW World Champion: Danger
    WOW World Tag Team Champions: Vacant
    [​IMG]
    And I already miss WCW. They say this is the first ever all women’s wrestling PPV and I don’t care to fact check that. The ring announcer (I think) hypes up Danger defending this WOW title against Terri Gold tonight and they show her putting Terri through a table to win the title whenever ago. Also tonight Harley’s Angels/Caged Heat for the new tag titles and a “splash match” between Jungle Grrl and Becky “The Farmer’s Daughter” IDK if I can finish this one bruh. Selina and Thug are in a cage match later and don’t forget about the WOW swimsuit competition, this gets the biggest pop. Also tonight a “haircut” match where the losers get shaved bald. He introduces Lee Marshall then Bobby Heenan gets his own entrance, can’t believe he’s doing this trash show.

    Backstage some white trash roll in on bikes. Apparently it’s Harley’s Angels and Thug. They say Caged Heat are dead meat and they’re gonna make roadkill out of them or something.

    Jacklyn Hyde (w/ Dr. Sarah Bellum & Nurse Mercy) vs Randi Rah Rah
    Jacklyn is a psycho from an insane asylum and is dressed kinda like Two-Face while Randi is a cheerleader with an eye patch bc of a kayfabe eye injury by having a mirror broken over her head. They just do their character shit for two minutes until Randi hits a springboard crossbody for the win.

    Heenan tries to interview Randi after the match but the sound is fucked up all I hear is Randi tell Lana Star that she has her “eye” on her. They show Lana Star and Patti Pizzazz in a limo on their way here for their haircut match later as Heenan says “there’s nothing worse than a bald woman”

    The Beach Patrol (Sandy & Summer) vs Farah & Paradise
    Farah is a Persian princess, Paradise is an island girl from Congo and the Beach Patrol are just Baywatch clones. The only highlight of this is the hilarious ref bump about two minutes in and then one member of the Beach Patrol gets pinned while the other one gets pinned and the ref counts three bc he has no idea who’s legal so he declares it a draw :lmao Heenan is like that makes no sense but whatever. The crowd starts chanting “bullshit”

    We see Lana & Patti at the Chinese Theater signing autographs for fans that probably don’t know who they are.

    They show a video from earlier of the ring announcer trying to fuck Jeanie Buss the owner of the Lakers bc she also owns this shitty company :lmao

    Jane Blond vs Tanja the Warrior Woman
    Jane is a terrible James Bond parody ugh. Tanja’s got a sword and shit. These girls are way more committed to their characters than wrestling and it’s obvious. This is kept super short and Tanja ends up winning after a spinning heel kick that she fell down on.

    They show videos of Summer and Paradise in bikinis and you’re supposed to go online to vote for who wins the swimsuit competition.

    Heather Steele vs Nicky Law (w/ Kristy Order)
    Heather is a tool girl and Nicky is a cop and it’s also Law and Order’s debut. Nicky attacks Heather with her nightstick before the match and they announcers get all their police puns out early. Heather gets like one move of offense in before Nicky wins with a Hangman’s Neckbreaker.

    After the match Law and Order handcuff and beat Heather with a nightstick and the announcers make a shit ton of police brutality jokes bc they’re in LA.

    We see Terri Gold lifting weights in a gym and Selina comes in and sends the cameraman out. They also show a random black SUV for a few seconds for some reason before cutting to some girl named Bronco Billie on the phone and I think it’s bad news but I can’t hear shit.

    The Asian Invasion (Jade & Lotus) vs Boom Boom & Caliente
    Boom Boom is Hawaiian, Caliente is a Latina who can’t stop salsa dancing and The Asian Invasion are Asians. This goes like double the other matches so far and gets a whopping 5 minutes and it’s not as bad as everything else so far and everyone moves at a really fast pace with this Jade girl carrying it. Boom Boom ends up hitting a Samoan Drop on Jade to win and make Jade’s grandma who was watching her for the first time all sad as Heenan asks if she’s gonna get deported.

    We go back to that SUV for some reason and I think they’re trying to hint that someone is fucking in it or something. Terri and Selina are leaving that locker room and Terri says she’s got Selina’s back tonight

    Bronco Billie vs The Disciplinarian
    Disciplinarian is a bitchy strict teacher and Billie is a cowgirl who apparently just found out she lost her ranch :lmao This is okay when they keep it basic, towards the end they try a little too much too soon and these strikes are terrible but this just looks like a meh WWE women's match instead of garbage like before. Disciplinarian hits a pedigree at one point :lmao but Billie gets her foot on the ropes so while Disciplinarian is celebrating Billie rolls her up for the win.

    After the match Disciplinarian gets a mic and says she’s not done and says that SHE BOUGHT THE RANCH! :lmao If Billie isn’t on her best behavior then her and her family will be EXPELLED!

    Danger gets out of the SUV and cuts a basic promo that I can barely hear bc their sound is still fucked up.

    Swimsuit videos for Jade and Roxy Powers are shown. Jade takes her top off and the crowd pops for that. These are easily the best part of the show so far.

    Roxy Powers vs Slam Dunk
    Slam Dunk is a basketball player, black obviously and supposedly a 6’3 power forward and she cuts a shitty promo before the match. Roxy is a “total athlete” badass gimmick. This match sucks, they just do power stuff bc they’re both power wrestlers and I use that word loosely. Slam misses a diving leg drop but then Roxy hits the ref with this hilarious clothesline so Slam hits the MONSTER DUNK Chokeslam but there’s no ref so she gets pissed and chokeslams the ref :lmao Roxy hits a superkick and another ref comes down to count it but the original ref pulls him out and disqualifies both girls instead for attacking him :lmao

    The crowd chants “bullshit” again as Slam chokeslams the other ref and Roxy hits her with another superkick.

    We continue this fuckin’ skit of that ring announcer bringing flowers to Jeanie Buss and the sound is still terrible so we can’t hear them. I’m just gonna assume they fucked.

    Lana and Patti are back in their limo still nowhere close to the arena. I can hear the crowd chanting “weasel” over Lee Marshall trying to plug more matches :lmao

    Riot is a heavy metal maniac and comes out with a bat, she cuts a worse version of a modern Ruby Riot promo. Wendi is a “garage pinup girl” and comes out with a shopping cart of weapons.

    Hardcore Match: Riot vs Wendi Wheels
    LOL just garbage hardcore wrestling that isn’t too bad but anytime they try any actual wrestling it’s terrible, like the most hilarious bumps. Most of it is brawling on the outside and these girls don’t mind taking some sick shots to the head. Riot does this crazy corkscrew elbow drop but barely connects, you could tell she was super nervous before trying that one. Riot starts spraying Wendi with water or something for some reason so Wendi just hits her hard as shit with a stop sign. Riot is able to lock on a crossface but Wendi gets out with a shot to the face with a pizza pan. This starts dragging bc it gets 10 minutes but Riot gets a trash can and uses it as a weapon until hitting a powerbomb for the win, missed the trash can lid she was aiming for though. Well that was something.

    Swimsuit videos of Bronco Billie, Heather Steele, Lotus, & Sandy air. These are still solid.

    Splash Match: Beckie vs Jungle Grrrl
    You win by hitting a diving splash from the top rope. Grrrl is obviously a jungle gimmick and Beckie is a “Farmer’s Daughter” from Nebraska. This is pretty boring, it also gets 10 minutes but they just do random moves for most of it that don’t go anywhere. Grrrl hits a splash at one point early on that Beckie was supposed to dodge but she doesn’t move far enough and takes it right in the face :lmao they keep going like nothing happened though. Beckie goes for a splash but takes knees to the gut instead. I think Beckie missed it but I give her props for attempting a springboard Jericho dropkick without hurting herself. They have this really terrible counter exchange late in the match where the ref forgets the rules and counts a pin at one point. Grrrl hits a superplex followed by a super belly to belly suplex and then goes out to get a ladder and sets it up out of the ring for some reason but it’s tall enough that she ALMOST makes it all the way to Beckie :lmao Her head may have hit directly on Beckie’s knee but either way the ref counts a pin for the win.

    Heenan says he’s never seen a move like that in his life to Jungle Grrrl and she says everyone should be impressed bc she’s the queen of the jungle and the queen of the ring.

    Jeanie Buss is showing this dude all the Lakers NBA trophies and they’re talking about Shaq and Kobe but the sound is still fucked. Apparently Shaq is practicing now and they show a video of him making a free throw so Heenan says it must have been an imposter :lmao Best part of the whole show for sure.

    A limo is backstage and some cuck rolls out a red carpet for Lana Star and Patti Pizzazz and the sound is fucked but Lana says something about her not losing her hair and leaves while Patti is getting tha bags but Patti gets attacked by Ice Cold and locks her in the trunk and threatens to shave Lana Star. The limo drives off with Patti in it :lmao

    No Disqualifications Tournament Final for the vacant WOW World Tag Team Championship: Caged Heat (Delta Lotta Pain & Loca) vs Harley’s Angels (Charley Davidson & EZ Rider) (w/ Thug)
    Biker chicks vs minority prisoners COOL! Both teams cut shitty pre-match promos in the ring. This is terrible, just typical cat fighting stuff like hair pulls and shit even though these are supposed to be real fightin’ girls. The ref takes a bump so the Angels miss out on a win and then Thug accidentally clotheslines the ref to further take him out and stop Caged Heat from winning after a Drive By. Loca hits a splash on one of the Angels though and puts Delta on her for the win but WAIT there’s a third member of Caged Heat out here for some reason.

    The new girl and Thug have a stand-off and she takes out Thug who takes diving moves from the two that just won the tag titles. They attack the ref afterwards too. So do they get to bring these titles with them to jail?

    Lana is on the phone with Patti I think and accuses her of faking bc she doesn’t wanna lose her hair so she makes another call.

    We get some highlight video of Danger and Terri Gold but the voiceover is all fucked so IDK what it’s saying but Danger likes putting girls through tables.

    WOW World Championship: Danger (c) vs Terri Gold
    Danger does a Triple H water spot but with PYRO! Terri is pretty good using her speed and agility but Danger is a meh power worker and her shit is so slow and plodding even though she ain’t even that big. This only gets like 4 minutes though so they don’t have time to do much but we still get a ref bump so Riot comes running down to get revenge on Danger for taking her out a few weeks ago and botches a powerbomb at first, dropping Danger right on her neck before trying again and the table doesn’t break, it just falls :lmao get that girl a new finisher bc she can’t do powerbombs. Terri is able to capitalize and hits a springboard moonsault called the Perfect 10 for the win to regain her title. We get a shit ton of confetti for the title change.

    Swimsuit videos for Ice Cold and Lana Star

    Caged Heat are back in prison but have a mic and they introduce the third member as Vendetta. NOBODY CAN BEAT THE HEAT!

    Poison leaves what they say is Lana Star’s locker room and then Lana comes down to the ring obviously faking an injury on crutches. She gets in the ring and cuts a promo without the crutches though and says she can’t participate in the head shaving match bc Ice Cold beat up Patti who’s now in the hospital so since she had to turn her own TV on she tripped over a coffee table and hurt her ankle :lmao The dude that was hitting on Jeanie Buss earlier comes out and says that she can’t cancel the match bc unlike other organizations WOW delivers what they promised so the hair shaving match will happen. I’ve seen better acting in porn than this. Poison and Ice Cold come out for the match, they’re just parodies of Poison Ivy and Mr. Freeze from Batman.

    Handicap Hair vs Hair Match: Ice Cold & Poison vs Lana Star
    This starts as a handicap match basically and I think only who loses the fall gets their head shaved. Yeah this is bad, I think everyone is a heel and no one can wrestle at all. Lana has no choice but to work a face since she’s alone but the fans don’t like her so fuck this. How there weren’t any obvious injuries with how green everyone is on this show blows my mind. Lana and Ice brawl out by the barber’s chair and meanwhile Poison gets Lana’s crutch but accidentally hits Ice with it and then just watches Lana pin her :lmao

    That was booked so stupid you could tell they just wanted to shave a girl’s head and Ice was the one that was fine with it so they threw together something. Lana makes sure Ice is away for it by throwing water on her and this creepy looking barber shaves her head as she starts crying.

    They start lowering the cage for the main event which is more like a hell in a cell just without a roof and the only way to win is by pin and submission. Lee Marshall announces another WOW PPV on April 8th that I’m pretty sure doesn’t end up happening. Selina Majors comes out late after Charley’s Angels and she says she has a special enforcer called the gatekeeper and new WOW Champion Terri Gold comes out and she’s gonna be in the cage making sure Charley’s Angels don’t get through the door.

    Steel Cage Match: Selina Majors vs Thug (w/ Charley’s Angels (Charley Davidson & EZ Rider))
    This gets 15 fucking minutes but it’s also probably the best match of the night even if it’s still pretty meh. It’s a lot of brawling outside the ring using the cage and other things as weapons so that helps a lot. Selina blades pretty early after getting sent into the cage so Thug just beats her down for awhile. Backstage, they’re finishing shaving Ice Cold’s head with Lana laughing. This obviously starts dragging halfway through as Heenan notes that Selina has had almost no offense. Ice Cold comes running down saying someone is gonna pay for this and then just leaves as Thug takes out the ref too. Selina makes a comeback but THE FUCKING REF CLIMBS OUT OF THE CAGE BC HE SAID FUCK THIS SHIT AND LEAVES! :lmao Selina goes out ot try and get him but he ends up falling through a table on the outside I’M FUCKING DEAD! :lmao BRUH The ref is pouring blood now that looks legit but this match keeps going. Selina hits a perfect imitation of a Stone Cold Stunner but there’s no ref so Thug hits her with a chair in the face and she’s bleeding pretty bad now. Thug forces Terri to make the count since the other ref is out and wins. Fuck this.

    Some flames shoot out of the turnbuckles making me think Kane is showing up or something and then Selina attacks Terri with the chair and starts beating her down bc she’s mad she lost I guess. They brawl up the ramp as well as Selina has Terri’s belt. They finally get Selina to leave and the announcers run down this shitty show as Heenan is surprised there’s no more matches bc he was having fun.
     

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