AMA General Promo Discussion Thread

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Kross Rhodes

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@Kid Vicious are we supposed to PM the world title tourney promos to you?

Post your first one in the semifinals thread.

If everyone wants to post a second promo for the finals I can make a thread for it.
 

Bobby Barrows

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Post your first one in the semifinals thread.

If everyone wants to post a second promo for the finals I can make a thread for it.

Where would that be?
 

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I think both you and Jeff asked about it so I’ll just go ahead and post it since I know Jimmy will be fine.
 

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Yeah I was just wondering because I couldn't find the Semifinals match thread lol
 

Kross Rhodes

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Oh, that's this one:

 

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WTF am I just blind or something? :lol
 

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Dolph Zinger

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Well, let me tackle it properly...



I think the best way for me to go through this is to go through the criteria that the judges normally go through.

These are:


A. Spelling/Punctuation/Grammar (10pts)
- Self explanatory. We aren't spelling purists, but when these things are absent, you will be losing points.

B. Continuity (10pts)
- Does the RP in question make sense when previous RPs are taken into account?
- Does it keep with the story that has been going on?

C. Match Relevance (10pts)
- Does the RP in question spend time focusing on the match at hand?
- How much time does it spend?
- Is it enough?

D. Details (10pts)
- Were the details in the RP in question correct?
- How well did it set the scene? The clearer the picture, the better you'll score.

E. Dialogue (10pts)
- How good was the dialogue in the RP in question?
- Did it help or hurt the scene?
- Was it used to promote the match?

F. Overall Quality (10pts)
- The general impression the judges got from the RP. Originality is a huge component.
- Out of the box thinking will get you a higher mark.

G. Conviction (10pts)
- How much time and effort went into the RP in question?
- Was it posted at the last minute?
- How many RPs were submitted?


First, when it comes to spelling/grammar.

I'd probably give it a middling rank. Like 5 or 6 out of ten. It is a short promo, so there is less room for error but there are a couple issues. From saying "criss crossing" rather than "crisscrossing," and some choppy speech "We find out what they know" instead of "We'll/We will find out what they know. But, and this is something I am not sure the judges will notice but I did, is a switch from present-tense to past-tense and then back to present tense at the end. in your details. The first line was written as we are seeing it as it is happening, but then you use words like "had" and "was." This makes a promo, no matter how short or long, confusing.

So let's say 6/10

Next: Continuity:

What continuity? The promo you cut was Burgerman being confused with the dolls and the picture frame. Maybe some of the meaning behind it can be confusing in a kayfabe sense, but it is as if he has seen them for the first time. It is not, or rather probably shouldn't be.

In the thread for promos the first match we had together (the one I mentioned where you lost), we had a promo where, seeing that two out of the three opponents we had involved food (and a cowboy because why not) we had a "Family dinner"where we discussed the match. Some "guests" were puppets which all looked like our opponents. Why? Isn't super important. As for the picture frame, if you read the show, after the match while you were on the canvas knocked out, we took a "family picture" with you. The picture hanging above, was that scene as we wrote during the opening paragraph. Think of it like a post-match gimmick like how Jake Roberts sometimes put his pet snake on his opponents.

"Above, framed, is the post-match scene from their debut in AMA at Rush Hour, holding a broken Burgerman with a picture frame around him."

So it is either perfect continuity if Burgerman is somehow has literally no idea of those things and what they mean, or very little because he is acting like he never seen it before.

Oh, and what is up with the mugshots? I swear we have not done any crime shit XD.

So I'll put 3/10 as a placeholder for now.

Match Relevence:

This is once again pretty low. You discuss one team out of five you may be facing. Above mentions the teams booked in the match, and if you read the card, you can see there is another match where the winning team qualifies for the tag team turmoil. I know your character has a mild amount of history with us considering we beat you guys, but you still need to address the upcoming match and maybe at least mention the other opponents.

- Does the RP in question spend time focusing on the match at hand?

No.

- How much time does it spend?

Very little.

- Is it enough?

Probably not, and it doesn't have to be a promo as long as what Jonny and I did. Everyone is different but it just needs to build to the match and feel complete. This didn't.

2/10.

Details

Now this I'll give middle the road as well. You described the scene of him standing in a room going full detective and what was on the board. This isn't bad. But there is that issue of flopping between past and present tense, and it can be more. I'll quote what I said to Fourth for one of his promos last show:




You can do things like describe how he is pacing, his tone of voice to get emotion, maybe the outfit he is wearing, any other details of the room, etc. You don't need a novel but just that extra seasoning can create a flavour (see what I did there) to your promo and built a scene and set a tone.

I'll be nice and give a 6/10

Dialogue

This is hard to judge because it is very little but I'll go back to the three questions asked in the criteria:

How good was the dialogue in the RP in question? Did it help or hurt the scene? Was it used to promote the match? I already stated before that the promo barely mentioned the match, and honestly there is no beginning, middle, or end, it was just him going "WHAT DOES IT MEAN!?" Now the thing is, you have the potential to have a fun character with fun dialogue. Think the charm of The Hurricane but with Hamburger puns! Like imagine if he is pacing, looking at a board filled with his opponents, and he is like...

"Burger-log, January 2022, take one. The Bugerman is here in the Burgerlair researching for his match. However, Burgerman is perplexed by his upcoming opponents. While I get to fight for justice alongside my food loving friend, the competition more than cuts the mustard. If I don't wrap my head around it, the Burgerman will find himself grilled again!" Then you can do some brief talk about each time and their crimes against Burgers or whatever before concluding that you will try your best to overcome the competition and let justice prevail, whatever.

There is a lot of potential with the character but the dialogue doesn't do anything for it. I mean when I say you can have some fun promos if you actually lean into the wackiness and make him, you know... have character, personality, take a look at your opponents and have that guide your dialogue as you build the match, any BEEF you have with people and just have fun.

2/10.

Overall Quality (10pts)

I'll take the average rounded down which is about 4.5... so 4/10.

Then they usually have bonus points for conviction which includes things like being punctual in posting a promo, and putting time and effort, but I won't touch that.


So overall, buddy, it is pretty rough.

But I'll say something, maybe someone could have done more to explain how this works to you before you signed up. Also they should have probably waited for you to finish your sign up and notify you of your previous match earlier. Not saying you would have won that because the Raging Redneck also didn't cut a promo which extremely hurt your chances and Jonny and I have a fair bot of e-fed experience, but it did you no favours.

If there is a silver lining to this is that, not even joking, the idea of a Hamburger themed superhero is silly but can be a fun character where if you learn a lot of these things and lean into the potential of the character, then we can have an entertaining character on the roster, win, lose, or draw.
Wow, you suck. Never review me again
 

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Wow, you suck. Never review me again

Then learn how to write something half decent. Considering I have legit helped people over the years with this stuff, I at least have an idea what I am doing. Plus a lot of shit I said was using the criteria the judges use. So realistically, they will mostly grade you similar to me. I gave you honest feedback, I tried to explain how this shit works, and said "Hey if you improve you can have such a fun character."

But oh well, have fun never winning a single match unless someone no shows.
 

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An alarm clock sits atop a small
Table next to a bed. The clock reads:
5:59 AM and flips to 6:00 AM.

Beepbeepbeepbeep

Beepbeepbeepbeep

Beepbeepbeepbeep


The jarring beeps begin going off
Until a rises from the bed, tapping
The top of the clock, turning the
Alarm off. Slowly getting to a seated position
Is Marquise Bridges, outstretching his arms
To greet the early hours of the morning.

“I should really get a new alarm clock, ha.
Well, let’s get this day started-
Oh, hey Bax, what’s up man, morning!”

Baxter, Marquise’s small white Bichon Frise, walks up to him
And begins licking his hand. Baxter walks in a small circle
Before doing a mighty leap into Marquise’s lap.

“Someone slept as well as I did.
All full of energy to take on the day. That’s good,
I could use a little extra inspiration to prepare for my
AMA debut, so thanks little guy.”

Marquise holds Baxter and stands from his bed.
A better view of his place reveals it to be a small apartment,
Just enough for one person and a small dog. His bedroom
Leads into his kitchen, with the door to the bathroom being
Directly to the right of that. One window near his front door
Lets light in as he opens his curtains.

“Let’s get you some food and set you up with a nice walk
So I can get to the Bronx. Don’t worry Bax, I’ll pick myself up
A little something on the way before I get to Mac.”

Baxter lets out a playful little bark, jumping from Marquise’s
Arms and doing a little dance once he lands on the floor.
Marquise sets off to do exactly as he said; take care of Baxter
And get on his way to the Bronx to meet his friend Mac.
6:00 AM turns into 7:30 AM and music slowly fades in.



Marquise Bridges jogs up some old stairs into what looks like
A dusty old gym out of a movie. Large barred windows high up
On the walls illuminate the room. Various tubes and pipes
Are seen on the ceiling, along with old school ceiling fans.
Heavy bags hand from wooden support beams, old model
Treadmills are on one side of the gym, a few prison-looking
Weight benches are on the other side. Littered around are
Pieces of boxing equipment. Dead center of the gym is a
Decrepit boxing ring held together by duct tape, plywood
And the prayers of those that train in it. In the center of this ring
Shadow boxing is an average height man wearing a matching color
sweatpants/hoody combo.

“Hey yo, Mac! What’s up! I dig the classic threads,
Haven’t seen them in a while.”

-
“Yeah, pink was always more my color. Setting trends and
Breaking records and chins, you know how it is.”

-
“When you gunna admit you stole your
whole schtick from that old video game?”

-
“Haha, fuck you man. Sound like that nerd chick
You gotta fight. Whatsername, Kelly?”

-
“Uh, Cali. Cali Hayama.”
-
“Sounds like a fuckin' motorcycle.
Change into your shit and get in the ring.
Talk and train, let’s go, multitask Mr. Smiles.”

Marquise goes to a bench and puts down
A duffle bag he had been carrying. Inside of
The bag are his personal boxing gloves,
Left glove reading “Problem” and right glove
Reading “Solution” on the wrists,
A mouth guard that funnily reads “TEETH”,
And white hand wraps. Inside the ring, Mac
Has removed his hoody and put on a pair of
Very much used, but still viable, green gloves.
He’s a 39 year old man with black hair. Pretty
Normal looking, but with a bit of a grizzled,
Battle worn face. He’s been through a lot, professionally.
After getting prepared, Marquise gets in the ring.

“Alright, so same as usual then Mac?”
-
“Yessir. Headgear’s for bitches, I will tag your
Ass up in the corner, and the ropes don’t save you,
But your footwork will.”

-
“Ring the bell already then man.”

Mac rings an invisible bell in the air and says “Ding, ding”
Before throwing a sudden right hook towards Bridges,
Who steps back dodging it swiftly.

“So Smiles, tell me what you got going on in your debut
Before I knock your teeth out and you can’t.”

Mac throws a few jabs at Marquise that hit his gloves.
Marquise responds by faking a left, and throwing a right
To the body instead, connecting lightly.

“There’s six other people in the match and we’re in a cage.
You remember that old match type we saw
As kids, the Bunkhouse Stampede?”

-
“Yeah, I remember that.”

Marquise throws a quick combo; two to the body
And one to the head that only glances Mac.

“It’s one of those. I’m not going to lie Mac
Nobody in there’s a walk in the park,
But you can never be sure.”

-
“Yeah, ya gotta be alert.”

Saying that, Mac absolutely rocks Marquise near the hip,
But he doesn’t let it phase him as he manages to throw some quick
Shots that back Mac up to the ropes. He taps him on the chest
And goes back to the center of the ring.

“Yeah, I know, haha.”
-
“You got some big boys in there right? A fuckin’ cowboy
In the year of our lord, 2022, and whatever the Buffalo dude is. He an Indian?

-
“Ok first of all, it’s Indigenous People or Native American, second, no he isn’t.
As far as I know at least, I’ve heard the guy doesn’t talk much.
But from what I do know, we ain’t too different in some ways.”

Mac physically pushes Marquise back
And throws three strikes to the head,
One of which connects flush on the left cheek
Of The Solution, causing him to step back
And reevaluate the situation.

“He slow like ya, Smiles?”
-
“I let you get that one, haha. But no,
I mean that we both lost our pops, struggled for our moms,
Had it rough, albeit in different ways. Both loved wrestling
Since we were kids, but again, in different ways.
Allegedly some vague Cartel stuff, but I can’t really speak on that.
He might be, or have been, a bad guy but I don’t know man.
I really feel like I can connect with the guy. Honestly,
Buffalo Jones seems like someone that would slot great
Into the organization. He could help a lot of people.
And probably himself. A redemption story is always great.”

-
“Yeah maybe, but first you gotta kick his ass. Guy like him,
Go for the body. Birdy told me his cardio ain’t up to snuff,
Might have some lung thing, so tire him out, wind him, go for the kill.
Typical stuff, you know what to do, I gotta hold your hand?”

Mac throws a straight, Marquise ducks,
Throws a straight of his own dead center
Of the stomach, making Mac bend over slightly,
Giving Marquise the opening for an uppercut.
Mac sees it coming and moves out of the way,
Getting off a light tap on Marquise’s chin.

“Uh-uh, that’s my thing, Smiles.”
-
“Almost had you though. Anyway, yeah, Jones is definitely
Someone I’m prepared for. The other guy you mentioned-“

-
“The fuckin’ cowboy.”
-
“Raging Redneck, Mac. He might be from another time
In the way he carries himself, being a cowboy and all,
But can’t deny the fact that cowboys are tough. Dirty fighter, sure,
But can’t say I don’t respect it. Do what you have to do
To win in this world. I just hope he leaves the
Beer bottles backstage. I don’t feel like
Picking glass up out of my hair after I win.”

-
“Just make sure that when you knock his
Ten-gallon ass off his lil’ klippity-kloppity horse, he don’t get back up.
I want him hearing that old Will Smith song in his dreams
When you knock him out.”

Mac throws a four-piece combo,
But Marquise is able to block three and dodge one,
Letting off a shot to Mac’s forehead that catches him
A bit off-guard.



“And what about the motorcycle?”
-
“Cali Hayama.”
-
“Yeah, Digital Vroom-Vroom.”
-
“I kind of want her to do her thing and collab for a charity stream! Haha”
-
“She cute? Hook me up?”

Marquise drops his hands and places them on his hips.
Mac also drops his hands.
Marquise laughs and shakes his head.

“Ok, no, I will not, haha. Although that girl has some sharp wit,
She’d make you look like a little b-i-itch.”

-
“There ain’t two I’s in bitch.”
-
“I added one special for you, that’s how bad she’d get you.”
-
“Whatever Smiles. You worried about her?”
-
“Just a bit. She’s probably one of the better fighters in this.
Very experienced at her young age. Limited experience, but it’s a lot of a little bit,
You get me?”

-
“Yeah I get it. Digital Vroom-Vroom’s a lil ‘firecracker.”
-
“Sure, that works. She’s definitely one to throw caution to the wind.
That can be used to my advantage, don’t you think? All her parkour, risk-taking,
High-flying and intensity. I could probably turn it around on her.”

-
“Ah yeah, I heard of parkour, that flippy shit the kids do to look cool on YouTube
Back In 2006. Didn’t know people still did that, I thought she was
Supposed to be the hip and cool young chick?”

-
“I mean yeah it’s old stuff, but you couldn’t do it.
And I couldn’t do it like she can.”

-
“Fair enough.”
-
“So what do you think about her?”
-
“Take her legs from her, capitalize when she’s in the air or moving fast,
Hit her so hard her brain resets like a Nintendo.”

-
“You know she’s going to destroy you on twitter.”
-
“I don’t care, she can blow me like a cartridge.”

Mac puts his hands back up, as does Marquise.
They tap gloves, back up and circle around the ring.
They meet back up and get into the clinch.
Trading light taps around the head and body,
Marquise gets a good short uppercut to the rib,
Making Mac wince and stumble. Bridges follows it up
With a two-hit combo, making Mac stumble into the corner.

“Better, Smiles. Better. That was power.
Not a lot, but it was better. You’ll need that.”

-
“Think I know what you’re about to say.”
-
“Norman Namatjira. They call him The Dharawal Warrior.
I’ve heard of him. Big, tough, strong Australian bastard.
There’s a reason he’s gotten the accolades he has.
I mean I got some shit to my name too, but I’d take my time with this one.
He might not be fast, but he’s got power. Speed does beat power, any day.
But you gotta be awake to use that speed. Gotta be careful.”

-
“Yeah this guy could probably crush most of the people in the match. And he’s mean.
Great combination there. Temper and strength.”

-
“That’s right, and you know what that means?”
-
“What, I’m not following here.”
-
“You can annoy him to death! Man, you’re charismatic, sarcastic
And annoying when you want to be. That, with your speed edge over him,
That’s your ticket. Piss him off, he can’t handle his emotions.
He might be a brawler, but so are you! You can brawl with the best of them.
What you lack in power, you evenly make up for almost everywhere else.
And you’re fucking annoying. Use that.”

-
“I learned the annoying from the best, thanks Mac, your training works."
-
“Fuck you, you’re welcome.
Oh, and remember that big boys fall hard.
Add him to the list of legs to take, just like Digital Vroom-Vroom.”

Mac goes back to the center of the ring
To meet Marquise. They trade a few jabs
Until Mac does a little foot shuffle, throwing off
Marquise, and hits a killer uppercut to the chin of Bridges.
He doesn’t fall, but he backs up to take a breather and get his bearings.

“Hurt your glass jaw, drama queen?.”
-
“Nah, I’m good. My beard just itched, felt like I got tickled with a feather.
But uh, speaking of drama queen,
You just reminded me of Maxwell Marquee.”

-
“Hamilton ain’t nothin’. Streets talk. We both know who he is, he’s from here and he’s soft.
Complete disgrace to New York. He doesn’t even want to be in this business,
You’re gunna beat his fragile ass onto, and then off, Broadway.”

-
“I’ll admit, he might not be the most…tolerable. But hey, I would
Love to have some kind of performing arts instructor in the organization.
Maybe he’d be down for that after I beat him.
He’s definitely at least an amazing fit for that type of position.”

-
“If you become friends with him, I’m going to shoot you, and then myself.
I don’t care what happens to him after your match, he can go join The Wiggles World Tour
For all I care, but if I see him at Building Bridges, you lose me as a friend.”

-
“Aw, what’ll I do without you, Mac?”
-
“Get ya ass kicked.”
-
“I literally just took your best shot and had a coherent
Conversation with you afterwards.”

-
“Shut up.”

Mac throws a huge punch, Marquise sidesteps
And answers with a thunderous haymaker.
Mac gets floored and sits on the mat, looking up
At Marquise and chuckling.

“You’re right, maybe I can annoy Norman to death.”

Marquise removes his gloves and tosses
Them out of the ring. Mac removes his gloves
And places them next to him. Marquise helps his
Friend up to his feet and they show respect with a
Fist bump.

“Hey uh Smiles, that last guy, the vlogger. Daniel Christian.”
-
“What about him?”
-
“For a kid with a decent following, I know jack shit about him.
And I don’t mean that on an ‘oh he’s a wildcard, he’s the dangerous unknown’
Level. I mean it like he’s nothing, he’s a bitch. A nobody trying to be a somebody.
And who the fuck has an actual first name and then a first name as a last name.”

-
“I mean…I didn’t say that…but I won’t disagree with you.
This’ll be a good look for him, all the publicity from the selfies
Of a bruised up face? He’ll get more followers from the sympathy
And the extra bit of toughness for surviving.
So I guess that’s the positive outcome for him.”

-
“Marquise Bridges, you got this. And we know why you’re doin’ this.
You’re doin’ it for the kids. Doin’ it for the community.
Doin’ it for those that have half a chance.
Ya doin’ it to be better, right?”

-
“Correct, my man.”
-
“Who are ya!?”
-
“Marquise Bridges!”
-
“And that match, your opponents,
They a problem, so what ya gunna do!?”

-
“Be The Solution!”
-
“I said why ya gunna solve that problem!?”
-
“Because I am The Solution!”
-
“Fuck yeah you are!”

Marquise Bridges and Mac run the ropes a few times,
Tapping each other on the back each time they pass.
After a few times they stop in the center of the ring
And jump up for a big high-five.

“Woo, hell yeah!”
-
“Alright Mac, it’s time to get to the Org.
You have a class to teach, and I have some kids to counsel.”

----------
"The Solution"
Marquise
Bridges


To show I can say positive stuff, here.

You said you were a touch worried about this match, but you fucking did great buddy.

The obvious Punch out reference, ya okay, nice subtle way to reference one of your opponents. I think something I will say is that this new format you are using is something I need to get used to, but others also seem to like it. But overall the description of the scene works, and the music adds to it. I think the use of a side character helped you a bit too since it turns something from an ordinary "promo" into a conversation with Marquise trying to work out "Okay, how do I tackle this match?" with (Little) Mac pitching in and he is saying some trash talk that Marquise, being the "uber good guy" he is, wouldn't say normally... Well unless someone seriously fucked up.

Although I wonder how he can talk so well with a mouth guard in his mouth?

But great job with your promo, I think you're giving me a run for my money in this match.
 
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Rosie

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Blake Justice - Boiler Room Promo

We open with Blake Justice pacing around a boiler room, very much like the one that will be the scene of the boiler room brawl at Manifest Destiny. We just see his back, as he's pacing, scraping his trusty shovel on the ground as each scrape produces a very unnerving sound. He tilts his head back suddenly and looks at the camera that has been placed in the room. Like a scene out of a horror movie. As he turns around, he slowly slithers towards the camera with each footstep being followed by a loud and audible shovel scrape on the concrete flooring.


"This right here, this is going to be my playground come Manifest Destiny. I can hardly contain the excitement looking at all the tools at my disposal here I can use. I'm already picturing Circo's skull bouncing off these pipes. When the night is over, he'll be looking for his saviour, but it won't come. This little world here, in this very room, it plays by my rules. "

He moves towards some of the piping on the walls, lifts his shovel up and begins to tap on the piping with it. Light bulb clearly flicking in his hand as he's mulling over his upcoming match with Monstruo del Circo.

"Just imagining the rattling of Circo's skull as it connects with these pipes. It gets me all giddy. In that moment, he's going to realise why he never should have set eyes on me. His life will flash before his eyes, and when I'm done with him, when I've had enough fun with him, this boiler room will become his tomb. That moment will keep replaying in his head over and over again during his final moments. All he will picture is me, this shovel and his skull connecting with the pipes. A fucked up nightmare he can't escape, only this time, Freddy Krueger is in the real world and he's out for even more bloodshed."

Blake edges closer to the camera and grabs a hold of it, he places it down on the ground and sits down cross legged with the shovel laying neatly in front of him. Almost like he's protecting it. The wounds of the parking lot brawl still visible on his face, he puts his hood back over his face.

"The parking lot brawl was just the start, you wanna know the reason why I didn't finish Circo off then? I was savouring it. The moment needed to be right, it needs to be just me and him. I don't want him to look at anyone else as he goes. I want to be the very last thing he sees, the only last thing he can remember. Because I know, that eats him up inside to the the very core. Until he's bloodied, battered and only looking up at me. I'm not satisfied. This time he doesn't have his tag partner backing him up. He's here alone, in the trenches, out of his depth."

Blake grabs a hold of the shovel as he continues sitting on the ground. He lifts it up straight in front of him, as his face appears split by the shovel blocking the camera view partially. He grins behind it, with a sick twisted smile.

"It's funny really, you tried burying me with this shovel, and now it's going to be the reason you don't make it out of here alive. That night you tried burying me, tried to get rid of your demons once and for all. They just came back stronger and even more powerful, using your tools against you. If you learned anything from this Circo, you can't cheat death. You can't escape your inevitable fate. It was always going to be me ending you, right from the very start."

The scene fades to black as Blake just looks on staring a deep hole in to the camera.

By the way, I am only commentating to add: This promo in terms of description, which you asked about last show, already seeing a world of improvement.
 

Marty McFourth

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By the way, I am only commentating to add: This promo in terms of description, which you asked about last show, already seeing a world of improvement.

Thank you, Rosie! I tried to remember the 5 senses thing you told me. Still got a long way to go, but I'm happy you noticed improvement. :)
 
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