I will take a long read of everything tonight and tomorrow and give you wtv feedback I have for sure. You and anyone are welcome to let me know what you think of the ongoing shinzo stuff too if and when you have time. cheers!
-
Welcome to "The New" Wrestling Smarks Forum!
I see that you are not currently registered on our forum. It only takes a second, and you can even login with your Facebook! If you would like to register now, pease click here: Register
Once registered please introduce yourself in our introduction thread which can be found here: Introduction Board
AMA General Promo Discussion Thread
- Thread starter Kross Rhodes
- Start date
I will take a long read of everything tonight and tomorrow and give you wtv feedback I have for sure. You and anyone are welcome to let me know what you think of the ongoing shinzo stuff too if and when you have time. cheers!
I’ll read it when I got time to sit down and read it. 
i looked and it seemed so damn long.
i looked and it seemed so damn long.
Anybody that I didn't think to ask for grades from, if you're inclined, feel free to drop them off in my inbox.
I'm changing things up - so if people want roleplay feedback, please just tag me and let me know. I don't want go out and give detailed feedback, for people that don't really care 
I'm changing things up - so if people want roleplay feedback, please just tag me and let me know. I don't want go out and give detailed feedback, for people that don't really care
@Freshly Squeezed
give me f e e d b a c kI'm changing things up - so if people want roleplay feedback, please just tag me and let me know. I don't want go out and give detailed feedback, for people that don't really care
Cast Them In Hell | Brian Zewbowski - Roleplay Feedback
- not the biggest fan of the flash forwards into time, on a creative writing side it is interesting - but in terms of been a roleplay for a wrestling character I do find it confused. It is hard to criticize, because the writing is very good and it helps build the character - but I've always struggled with flash forwards with e-fed characters.
- The scene with Harvey was interesting, a tad confusing at time but I could see there is an intent of helping create the character in a certain way. I do like that there is a clear split personality going on, I've seen people try and fail to use dual personalities, but I do actually read it like the same person is very much two different characters.
- The scene with Sarah in many ways, I think was the most important of the four scene in the roleplay. This was where I felt there was the really push promo - and where the best direction came from. On a personal level, I feel that if we had a lot more time with Sarah and Brian, and more of a balance with the backstory stuff you could make people literally shit themselves when they are booked to face you.
- The traditional promo was solid. When I imagine the cutting between Brian and Humanity, I get the supernatural vibes that you would get in the 90s in the WWF and WCW. And I like what you are doing. I do enjoy you are adding a lot of high fantasy into this character, and as much as its not always my thing I do know that some people will love what you are doing.
I am a big fan of where you are taking Brian - so keep it up.
- not the biggest fan of the flash forwards into time, on a creative writing side it is interesting - but in terms of been a roleplay for a wrestling character I do find it confused. It is hard to criticize, because the writing is very good and it helps build the character - but I've always struggled with flash forwards with e-fed characters.
- The scene with Harvey was interesting, a tad confusing at time but I could see there is an intent of helping create the character in a certain way. I do like that there is a clear split personality going on, I've seen people try and fail to use dual personalities, but I do actually read it like the same person is very much two different characters.
- The scene with Sarah in many ways, I think was the most important of the four scene in the roleplay. This was where I felt there was the really push promo - and where the best direction came from. On a personal level, I feel that if we had a lot more time with Sarah and Brian, and more of a balance with the backstory stuff you could make people literally shit themselves when they are booked to face you.
- The traditional promo was solid. When I imagine the cutting between Brian and Humanity, I get the supernatural vibes that you would get in the 90s in the WWF and WCW. And I like what you are doing. I do enjoy you are adding a lot of high fantasy into this character, and as much as its not always my thing I do know that some people will love what you are doing.
I am a big fan of where you are taking Brian - so keep it up.
vs. Norma Namatjira | Saus X - Roleplay Feedback
A pet peeve I have with speech its not on separate lines. Having to read two characters speaking in a mish mash of jumble was a struggle, to the point that I actually had to reformat it myself to read when I was originally judging it. As a young writer, I understand the desire to experiment - but it is always important that a reader doesn't have a hard time reading.
Focusing on the actual content, I liked the introduction of the George E. Brilliant and I do think that Saus benefits from having some additional characters introduced as it allows for his character to level up. I would be curious to see if Brilliant is going to be introduced at someone to come out to the ring with Saus.
The message I left with is that Saus is he wants to do this on his own despite the beating he has been taking in recent weeks. This felt like a turnaround roleplay, not only for the character Saus but also for Blaine the writer.
A pet peeve I have with speech its not on separate lines. Having to read two characters speaking in a mish mash of jumble was a struggle, to the point that I actually had to reformat it myself to read when I was originally judging it. As a young writer, I understand the desire to experiment - but it is always important that a reader doesn't have a hard time reading.
Focusing on the actual content, I liked the introduction of the George E. Brilliant and I do think that Saus benefits from having some additional characters introduced as it allows for his character to level up. I would be curious to see if Brilliant is going to be introduced at someone to come out to the ring with Saus.
The message I left with is that Saus is he wants to do this on his own despite the beating he has been taking in recent weeks. This felt like a turnaround roleplay, not only for the character Saus but also for Blaine the writer.
Kandi wouldn't mind some since I didn't need to be graded this week.I'm changing things up - so if people want roleplay feedback, please just tag me and let me know. I don't want go out and give detailed feedback, for people that don't really care
I guess I'll take some on mine this week, since this was probably my fav I wrote this week. I had an idea for a second one, but I figured I just save it for next time.
Life is a Warfare and a Stranger's Sojourn | Killer Kandi - Roleplay Feedback
The first question I have - is who the blue hell is Dash Carlisle? Trying to imagine who this character might be based on. I liked the idea of Kandi turning up and not even knowing her schedule, very much like there is a clear split between the character and the actual wrestler. The benefits of the difference between a shoot and a work is often the basis for good character development.
I liked the direction of the promo and Kandi opinion was very short and sweet, although I understand that quite often if there is no tension between two characters but I do like the direction in which Kandi is going - but would have liked a bit more flesh on the bones.
I liked the touch of being the first female champion. I mean - its a false statement but I love the confidence
The first question I have - is who the blue hell is Dash Carlisle? Trying to imagine who this character might be based on. I liked the idea of Kandi turning up and not even knowing her schedule, very much like there is a clear split between the character and the actual wrestler. The benefits of the difference between a shoot and a work is often the basis for good character development.
I liked the direction of the promo and Kandi opinion was very short and sweet, although I understand that quite often if there is no tension between two characters but I do like the direction in which Kandi is going - but would have liked a bit more flesh on the bones.
I liked the touch of being the first female champion. I mean - its a false statement but I love the confidence
Dash Carlisle was the guy who introduced the belt at Maiden Voyage. He’s based on Ric Flair and all that.
I am down for your take on Buffalo Jones. I honestly am not personally too happy with my Pariah promo this round, would rather get your take on a promo that I actually feel came out how I wanted.I'm changing things up - so if people want roleplay feedback, please just tag me and let me know. I don't want go out and give detailed feedback, for people that don't really care
So with my promo up, if anybody has any feedback I'd welcome it
No pressure, only if you have time but I'd be taking things on board for next time
From my own POV I think my descriptive writing needs work and setting the scene a bit better. I'd like to hear what you guys thought of it, and what I could do to make my next promo better. Much appreciated
No pressure, only if you have time but I'd be taking things on board for next time
From my own POV I think my descriptive writing needs work and setting the scene a bit better. I'd like to hear what you guys thought of it, and what I could do to make my next promo better. Much appreciated