Oh yeah, what would I know, right? I am just a Wrestling Smark member. I have absolutely no history in booking for a wrestling promotion, ever. I have no idea what I am talking about. Here is the difference between you and me, I am a true Wrestling Smark, and not just a member. Folks, I am the WWE Rantist.
And tonight! Tonight we will be discussing what I would have done for tonight's episode of WWE Monday Night Raw.
Segment One: Vickie's Fat, And Annoying. AJ Is Not.
Instead of the total bullshit we saw with Vickie Guerrero and the giving away of a main event on the start of a Monday Night Raw, I say we completely scrap that. Vickie Guerrero comes out to the ring and announces, like it's a big deal, that she is going to be in a stupid battle royal tonight. Well, AJ's music hits and says that she also wants to be in that battle royal. Vickie says no and AJ flips out, about to kick the crap out of Vickie when then Vickie tells her to calm down, or she is going to suspend her. AJ seemingly doesn't care until Kane comes out. Guerrero thinks she is going to get Tombstone'd to Hell or something and that makes her put AJ in the battle royal, and makes her leave the ring before Kane can do any damage. Kane starts to leave the ring, after he didn't do a damn thing to anybody, when AJ gets the mic and thanks him, acting sexual and cute. Kane grabs the mic, and says basically what he said to her backstage. That she's fuckin' nuts, and that he wants nothing to do with her. He leaves. AJ's in the battle royal. Whoop-Dee-Do.
Segment Two: Epico/Hunico vs. Sin Cara/Marella
Nobody cares about any of these people, and if you are going to put Cara and Hunico in the same ring again, might as well make a tag team match so the spots are in and Epico and Marella can be taped without taking their own spot in the show wasting time. Two different time wasters of singles matches or in Epico's case, tag team matches are squashed and over with. They have earned their paycheck this week. Cara pins Hunico. Did you expect anything else?
Segment Three: Big Show scares the shit out of the Funkadatcals
I spelled that wrong. No one cares. Those girls are useless, and if Big Show is shown messing with them, it gives him more heat. He goes into the area where Brodus usually is, scares them, and they run off. This gives Brodus a reason not to do his usual Rikishi-like routine later on in the show against Big Show, which is what I am going to be keeping from tonight's event of Raw.
Segment Four: Daniel Bryan vs. Kofi Kingston
It would be a good match and Daniel Bryan would have definitely won. It makes him look strong from all the losses as of late. It just makes sense to me. Kofi isn't about to get pushed to the moon so it doesn't hurt him much.
Segment Five: Brodus is ready
Brodus Clay is walking to make his entrance and an interview chases him trying to get his thoughts on Big Show and Big Show scaring off his bitches. He ignores, and looks pissed off. Hadn't seen that in quite awhile.
Segment Six: Brodus Clay vs. Big Show
Big Show loses to Brodus Clay. C'mon. No one believes the hype with Big Show, even less now after his loss to Cena. Brodus wins after a match with a commercial break, so it was long. I think it would be nice for Brodus to look serious and to come up with a victory and have a dance off with the big booty brauds afterward.
Segment Seven: John Cena's Announcement, Vickie's Still Annoying
Pretty much the same without the Jericho bit. John Cena is going to announce that he heard Big Show is going to be in the Money In The Bank match, and says he is going to be damned if he is going to allow Big Show to continue on without dealing with Cena. Cena also says that if he wins the Money In The Bank, he is cashing it in at Summerslam. Vickie comes out with her stupid bullshit and says Cena vs. Kane is tonight, and Kane is also in the MITB. Also mentions the whole former WWE champs are allowed only, or whatever.
Segment Eight: Punk, Christian and Sheamus, more Vickie, Ziggler, Swagger and Del Rio, and ???
Punk, Christian, and Sheamus are talking shit about Vickie Guerrero. Says she smells like mexican food or something, I don't know. Use your imagination. Vickie appears and starts acting very badly, because she's a bad actor and shouldn't be on television, getting paid to act so bad. She She says she has Del Rio, and Ziggler ready to go against them. Swagger is behind Ziggler and Del Rio like "Holy shit! Me too?!", and Vickie says no, and basically wants him to eat out of a dead skunk's ass. He goes away. So it's a handicap match? Uh, nope. Not at all. Tune in, numbnuts. It's next.
Segment Nine: Six-Man Match - Punk/Christian/Sheamus vs. Ziggler/Del Rio/Chris Jericho Returns!
So Jericho comes out as the last entrant and everyone is like, holy shit! Our pants are smelly! And are all brown and stuff! The fuck happened?! Oh, Jericho! That's what happened! YEAH! So Jericho is all heelish, he and Punk start battling, all that good jazz. Well, Dolph slaps him too hard for a tag, so Jericho's like, fuck that shit, and gives him a code breaker. Jericho leaves the ring, and so does Ziggler. They end up battling on the entrance ramp and disappear somewhere. Del Rio's by himself. Punk, the ref, and Sheamus are distracted as Jack Swagger comes out from backstage and hits Christian with the intercontinental championship. There we go. We got something for Christian and Swagger to do now. Rhodes should be working with someone else, not Christian. We also got a feud goin' with Ziggler and Chris Jericho, as Jericho will be turning face now. Del Rio pins Christian and has won the match. Punk gets into the ring, and GTS. Sheamus gets into the ring, and Brogue Kick. They celebrate nonetheless while Christian leaves the ring to find Swagger. All of a sudden Daniel Bryan gets into the ring and clotheslines Punk over the top rope. They brawl on the outside while Sheamus is like, what the fuck? They get into the crowd and brawl until they cannot be seen. Sheamus's music hits, he walks up the ramp, and out comes Tensai. Tensai beats the crap out of Sheamus, and throws him off the ramp. That'll keep him off T.V. for a good week or two, while Tensai keeps destroying people. Tensai leaves, Del Rio is in the ring. You think we'd be done with all the run-in's, right? Nope! Let's finally give Sin Cara something to do. Del Rio's music hits as Ricardo stands him up and he does that stupid ass cheesy smile, then Sin Cara's music hits. He comes out, annihilates both Ricardo and Del Rio. We got another new feud. Cara vs. Del Rio. So that's DB vs. CM, Sheamus vs. Tensai, Ziggler vs. Chris Jericho, and Christian vs. Swagger.
Segment Ten: Battle of the Bitches
Everything happens the same except for the end. I'd have AJ eliminate herself. Let Vickie win. AJ can skip around afterwards. It'll add to the "What the fuck is wrong with her?" thing.
Segment Eleven: Slater vs. Psycho Sid
Haha, this was awesome. I wouldn't change a thing about it. It just needs to be closer to the end of the show, that's all. Loved it.
Segment Twelve: Cena vs. Kane
Match would be interrupted pretty quickly. Big Show's music hits. Cena tries to fight off Big Show and Kane, but gets his ass kicked. Kane and Big Show stare each other down, and begin to fight as well. Then Brodus hits the ring. He fights with Show and it gets out of of the ring and decimates into nothing. They're backstage somewhere now as Y2J comes out. The fans are all excited to see Jericho face off with Kane, but Ziggler comes out. Ziggler wants more. Jericho and Ziggler brawl on the outside when Kane turns around, and wham! Attitude Adjustment. Ziggler gets into the ring and wham! Ziggler hits his finisher. Chris Jericho gets into the ring and WHAM! Codebreaker. Then all of a sudden The Miz's music starts. The Miz hits the ring, faces off with Jericho. They begin to fight and Kane wakes up, taking them both down. Kane tosses Miz to the side, hits a Chokeslam on Jericho. He does his pose, the fire is in the air and the lights are dim, but then Miz sneaks from behind and hits the Skull Crushing Finale to end off the show. Miz standing, everybody else knocked out, welcome back Miz and Jericho, hello to a new feud; Kane vs. face Miz.
I am a brilliant booker, and an amazing wrestling mind. You can express your opinion of my opinion, give me an idea of your's, whatever you want, but most importantly, do not take this greatness for granted as this has been your very first addition of What Would The Rantist Do! I hope you enjoyed this article, as much as I enjoyed writing it.
And tonight! Tonight we will be discussing what I would have done for tonight's episode of WWE Monday Night Raw.
Segment One: Vickie's Fat, And Annoying. AJ Is Not.
Instead of the total bullshit we saw with Vickie Guerrero and the giving away of a main event on the start of a Monday Night Raw, I say we completely scrap that. Vickie Guerrero comes out to the ring and announces, like it's a big deal, that she is going to be in a stupid battle royal tonight. Well, AJ's music hits and says that she also wants to be in that battle royal. Vickie says no and AJ flips out, about to kick the crap out of Vickie when then Vickie tells her to calm down, or she is going to suspend her. AJ seemingly doesn't care until Kane comes out. Guerrero thinks she is going to get Tombstone'd to Hell or something and that makes her put AJ in the battle royal, and makes her leave the ring before Kane can do any damage. Kane starts to leave the ring, after he didn't do a damn thing to anybody, when AJ gets the mic and thanks him, acting sexual and cute. Kane grabs the mic, and says basically what he said to her backstage. That she's fuckin' nuts, and that he wants nothing to do with her. He leaves. AJ's in the battle royal. Whoop-Dee-Do.
Segment Two: Epico/Hunico vs. Sin Cara/Marella
Nobody cares about any of these people, and if you are going to put Cara and Hunico in the same ring again, might as well make a tag team match so the spots are in and Epico and Marella can be taped without taking their own spot in the show wasting time. Two different time wasters of singles matches or in Epico's case, tag team matches are squashed and over with. They have earned their paycheck this week. Cara pins Hunico. Did you expect anything else?
Segment Three: Big Show scares the shit out of the Funkadatcals
I spelled that wrong. No one cares. Those girls are useless, and if Big Show is shown messing with them, it gives him more heat. He goes into the area where Brodus usually is, scares them, and they run off. This gives Brodus a reason not to do his usual Rikishi-like routine later on in the show against Big Show, which is what I am going to be keeping from tonight's event of Raw.
Segment Four: Daniel Bryan vs. Kofi Kingston
It would be a good match and Daniel Bryan would have definitely won. It makes him look strong from all the losses as of late. It just makes sense to me. Kofi isn't about to get pushed to the moon so it doesn't hurt him much.
Segment Five: Brodus is ready
Brodus Clay is walking to make his entrance and an interview chases him trying to get his thoughts on Big Show and Big Show scaring off his bitches. He ignores, and looks pissed off. Hadn't seen that in quite awhile.
Segment Six: Brodus Clay vs. Big Show
Big Show loses to Brodus Clay. C'mon. No one believes the hype with Big Show, even less now after his loss to Cena. Brodus wins after a match with a commercial break, so it was long. I think it would be nice for Brodus to look serious and to come up with a victory and have a dance off with the big booty brauds afterward.
Segment Seven: John Cena's Announcement, Vickie's Still Annoying
Pretty much the same without the Jericho bit. John Cena is going to announce that he heard Big Show is going to be in the Money In The Bank match, and says he is going to be damned if he is going to allow Big Show to continue on without dealing with Cena. Cena also says that if he wins the Money In The Bank, he is cashing it in at Summerslam. Vickie comes out with her stupid bullshit and says Cena vs. Kane is tonight, and Kane is also in the MITB. Also mentions the whole former WWE champs are allowed only, or whatever.
Segment Eight: Punk, Christian and Sheamus, more Vickie, Ziggler, Swagger and Del Rio, and ???
Punk, Christian, and Sheamus are talking shit about Vickie Guerrero. Says she smells like mexican food or something, I don't know. Use your imagination. Vickie appears and starts acting very badly, because she's a bad actor and shouldn't be on television, getting paid to act so bad. She She says she has Del Rio, and Ziggler ready to go against them. Swagger is behind Ziggler and Del Rio like "Holy shit! Me too?!", and Vickie says no, and basically wants him to eat out of a dead skunk's ass. He goes away. So it's a handicap match? Uh, nope. Not at all. Tune in, numbnuts. It's next.
Segment Nine: Six-Man Match - Punk/Christian/Sheamus vs. Ziggler/Del Rio/Chris Jericho Returns!
So Jericho comes out as the last entrant and everyone is like, holy shit! Our pants are smelly! And are all brown and stuff! The fuck happened?! Oh, Jericho! That's what happened! YEAH! So Jericho is all heelish, he and Punk start battling, all that good jazz. Well, Dolph slaps him too hard for a tag, so Jericho's like, fuck that shit, and gives him a code breaker. Jericho leaves the ring, and so does Ziggler. They end up battling on the entrance ramp and disappear somewhere. Del Rio's by himself. Punk, the ref, and Sheamus are distracted as Jack Swagger comes out from backstage and hits Christian with the intercontinental championship. There we go. We got something for Christian and Swagger to do now. Rhodes should be working with someone else, not Christian. We also got a feud goin' with Ziggler and Chris Jericho, as Jericho will be turning face now. Del Rio pins Christian and has won the match. Punk gets into the ring, and GTS. Sheamus gets into the ring, and Brogue Kick. They celebrate nonetheless while Christian leaves the ring to find Swagger. All of a sudden Daniel Bryan gets into the ring and clotheslines Punk over the top rope. They brawl on the outside while Sheamus is like, what the fuck? They get into the crowd and brawl until they cannot be seen. Sheamus's music hits, he walks up the ramp, and out comes Tensai. Tensai beats the crap out of Sheamus, and throws him off the ramp. That'll keep him off T.V. for a good week or two, while Tensai keeps destroying people. Tensai leaves, Del Rio is in the ring. You think we'd be done with all the run-in's, right? Nope! Let's finally give Sin Cara something to do. Del Rio's music hits as Ricardo stands him up and he does that stupid ass cheesy smile, then Sin Cara's music hits. He comes out, annihilates both Ricardo and Del Rio. We got another new feud. Cara vs. Del Rio. So that's DB vs. CM, Sheamus vs. Tensai, Ziggler vs. Chris Jericho, and Christian vs. Swagger.
Segment Ten: Battle of the Bitches
Everything happens the same except for the end. I'd have AJ eliminate herself. Let Vickie win. AJ can skip around afterwards. It'll add to the "What the fuck is wrong with her?" thing.
Segment Eleven: Slater vs. Psycho Sid
Haha, this was awesome. I wouldn't change a thing about it. It just needs to be closer to the end of the show, that's all. Loved it.
Segment Twelve: Cena vs. Kane
Match would be interrupted pretty quickly. Big Show's music hits. Cena tries to fight off Big Show and Kane, but gets his ass kicked. Kane and Big Show stare each other down, and begin to fight as well. Then Brodus hits the ring. He fights with Show and it gets out of of the ring and decimates into nothing. They're backstage somewhere now as Y2J comes out. The fans are all excited to see Jericho face off with Kane, but Ziggler comes out. Ziggler wants more. Jericho and Ziggler brawl on the outside when Kane turns around, and wham! Attitude Adjustment. Ziggler gets into the ring and wham! Ziggler hits his finisher. Chris Jericho gets into the ring and WHAM! Codebreaker. Then all of a sudden The Miz's music starts. The Miz hits the ring, faces off with Jericho. They begin to fight and Kane wakes up, taking them both down. Kane tosses Miz to the side, hits a Chokeslam on Jericho. He does his pose, the fire is in the air and the lights are dim, but then Miz sneaks from behind and hits the Skull Crushing Finale to end off the show. Miz standing, everybody else knocked out, welcome back Miz and Jericho, hello to a new feud; Kane vs. face Miz.
I am a brilliant booker, and an amazing wrestling mind. You can express your opinion of my opinion, give me an idea of your's, whatever you want, but most importantly, do not take this greatness for granted as this has been your very first addition of What Would The Rantist Do! I hope you enjoyed this article, as much as I enjoyed writing it.
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