WWE RAW Live Discussion Thread June 17th 2013

[Dolph'sZiggler]

MARKING SO HARD OH FUCK

 

[Dolph'sZiggler]

GIVE HIM THE FUCKING BELT

 

[Dolph'sZiggler]

that should have closed the show

 

[Dolph'sZiggler]

holy fuck DZ was going after ADR/RR like a goddamn wolverine

 

[Snowman1]

Super-duper long live reactions crap in spoiler, well the above spoiler anyway

Spoiler

Alrighty, as a service to alllllll the people tagging me in the Raw thread (and by "allllll" I mean "both" :alone, here's a little Raw reaction thread, and so Dolph's can be entertained when taking a dump... yep, this is off to a flying start already. Just left the store to go get some food (doritos, taquitos, cheerios, lemonade-os), ran all the way back in a fast-paced fever in the rain, got in and started swinging my arms around in excitement for such an apparently incredible Raw, then realized I was doing a "Feed Me More" taunt and went like : and stopped. Anyway, To those of you noobs expecting paragraphs of sex chat, that's not how things go around here, brother. Me and sex are like Chavo and Eddie, oh god that was a bad analogy. Lets just start the fucking review.

"Tonight, on Monday Night Raw: The fallout from Payback will be felt... will Sin Cara be punished for falling way too late on Cena's super-dive? Is Curt Hawkins leading and Aces and Eights invasion into WWE? Will the "I'm a Chris Benoit guy" get tied up and beaten by Linda backstage? Find out... on Monday... Night... Raw..." Seriously holy balls these video packages are so damn good.

Ooooh, can't wait to see how on earth this "greatest Raw ever" will start... will we get something hot to just knock us off our feet? Hey, look, it's Alberto Del Rio!

nice one WWE. The commentary's so gold when it comes to this angle. They don't feel biased, everything's organic. Thanks, Not Vince! Wait they're giving him a mic? NO! DON'T YOU DA...zzzzzzzz "Why would everyone be talking about a Man of Steel when you have a man of gold in front of you?" Umm, did you see the Main Event? The Man of Steel has gold too. ADR doing the basic "I GOT SCREWED SO I SCREWED HIM BACK" crap so double-turn confirmed, hell yeah. Wait, ADR's actually mentioning crowd reaction and not just ignoring it? :shock: We want Ziggler! *clap clap clap clap clap* Hope Triple really is booking this, dammit if we want Ziggler you better give us some damn Ziggler. Dude jobs 80% of the time and he's arguably top-5 in WWE in overness. #IWCRevolution wait, People still wear "NWO 4 LIFE" shirts? Why is Del Rio still talking? Stop talking. Del Rio end this. Jack Swagger, come on someone, anyone, come out and endPUNK! YES! :win: Look in my eyes, what do you see, a cult of personality, boy is this a contrast. Punk's hoodie has more charisma than ADR. Wait if Punk's face, why is Heyman still there? Those pops, everyone loves Punk. Come on, we want sarcastic jackass Punk, or you can just pull out your cat claws and make short work of this :yay: So punk's bringing his heel mic style to the face role? Could use a little work. He looks like New Nexus punk with this new hairstyle, it looks cool tbh. Punk turning to the defense of Ziggles "While this guy was stealing the spotlight from Dolph Ziggler I was stealing the show with Chris Jericho" good grief so much IWC fappage in this promo. WHY DOES ADR STILL HAVE A MIC? I haven't seen anyone this outclassed since RVD wrestled... well, anybody. Lol @ the crowd antagonizing Del Rio with the "Si" chants. "Do you want me to get my ass kicked by the Best in the World tonight? Si." Hey, look, it's the harpy. :gusta: Vickie comes out, announces the match, leaves. If only there were 2 more people out there we'd have a great Teddy Long situation.

Vickie's Big Surprise? :gusta:
Bryan vs Orton? Oh hell yeah.
Wait, Wade and Azel? One-on-one? Heel vs Heel and WWE not being afraid to do it? :mog: WHAT AM I WATCHING. THIS IS NOT RAW. Where in the hell did all this ballsiness, attention to detail, attention to crowd reaction, and logic come from? Holy shit, WWE is on a roll with allllll this stuff that I put past them. I must have accidentally turned on Impact, but then again Hogan would still be up there bitching about god knows what. Beats Del Rio with a mic.

"Do you have any idea how much I care for you? I'm sorry that I jumped the gun out there, it's how I feel about you punk" is Heyman reading tweets from fangirls? That was creepy. And Punk and Paul are breaking up... how heartbreaking :sad: JOBBER ENTRANCE FOR BARRETT? WHAT THE FUCK? :tough: Actual episode of Raw confirmed! :win: You know it's WWE when there's a British guy oozing star power on the TV getting squashed, but it's all okay because Wade's better off without the belt and Axel is awesome. Anyone else noticed how fast-paced that Payback match was? Jesus christ, Miz and Barrett are no athletes and Axel's green so that completely surpassed what that shoulda been, can't wait. Dammit Vickie you stupid harpie! Stop getting in-between two different guys! Ugh, so he has a new opponent to squash Wade? Oh hell, this never comes out good...

CHRISTIAN'S BACK! :yay: MARKING! *Throws down headset and runs down the stairs in sheer excitement* Captain Charisma ftw, blow yourselves haters. He should grow a beard, he'd look a lot like Chuck Norris. Hope Christian does something good in this run, and that Hardy-esque splash off the turnbuckle to the floor was a really good start! That Tornado DDT always looks awesome, he and Generico would be an awesome tag team. Do it dubya-dubya-ee. Standard stuff here and great re-introduction, and hey Barrett's just enough of a jobber to be a MITB contender!

"It's not just Vickie Guererro being large and in charge" Shut up Lawler. To think I defended you, fuck off, Vickie's hot. A hell of a lot hotter than anybody your fat ass is going to score with. I AM THE EATER OF WORLDS, God I love these Wyatt family video packages. Want at least 3 more tonight, or a debut. :gusta:

Oh boy, lookie here, it's Team Rhodes Scholars! Wonder who they're going to be "putting over" tonight that won't mean shit... It's a sheamful thing, lobster head... fuck. Sheamus should dye his face blue and he'll look like the Titans logo. Oh, it's 2 on 1 handicap style? Man, Sandow and Rhodes will never undig their own graves after this. Disaster Kick, they're getting offense in. Yay, no, just get this over with. Go ahead and give Sheamus his fluke win. Anyone remember when Rhodes was not only relevant but money? Yeah, me neither. Anyone remember when Sheamus was entertaining? I don't either... well, he did kick Lawler's head off. That counts :dawg: Sheamus dominating. End this. Roll-up? Scholars win? :shock: Does this mean this feud's continuing? God dammit. "Yeah, like I told you, 2 good men always beat 1 good man" yeah, tell Ryback's jobbers that. "2 IS BETTER THAN ONE!" Brogue Kick to Cody, fuck's sake.

Mark Henry retires... making me want to cry, man. At least things have improved to the point where the show won't be unbearable without him man. What's his legacy? Sexual Chocolate? Nation of Domination? The man who saved Smackdown's ratings from Orton's reign of terror?

Yay, a video package with early 2000's nu-metal! Nostalgia makes it not suck anymore! :win: Oh, wait, it's for RVD. Hope the next time he points at himself he doesn't hear "ROB VAN DAM", he hears "Sierra, Hotel, India..." Shield beat his ass and he's never seen again. Dude makes Chavo look like Ziggler by comparison.

Man whoever's outside drunk and crying can shut the fuck up. Don't even wanna know, actually keep it up so I can hear you over Triple H talking... never mind, a performance review? Exposing Vickie gusta as the fraud she is? She can't deal with the Shield? She let Christian sit around for so long? HHH wanting Vickie to deal with the Shield? But... the Shield aren't really an invading force, they're just people on the roster now... So we're retroactively doing this again? Oh whatever it'll be enterBRYAN! YES! MAIN EVENT TIME! Screw whatever's the last match, Bryan is always the Main Event. Poor wittle insecure ol' Bryan. Everyone loves him except him. "The only team that matters to me is Team DB!" "Makes sense since you're being a DB" 1: Screw all the Kane lovers, he's epic in this role! Ooooh, "We lost because of Daniel Bryan, he is the weak link!" from Orton there. That was so harsh but so stupid of you, hell have no fury like a pissed off goat. Come on 2/3 falls! Lets see what the people backstage WWE Universe decided... No DQ. : Aww, but this'll be so good we'll want to see it three times! How dare you think that way with Cena and Ryback but not this.. oh, yeah, the "fans" voted for it. DANIEL BRYAN! *clap clap clap clap clap* DANIEL BRYAN! *clap clap clap clap clap* Someone just sent me a video with a cat chasing a duck.. focus, Rain, focus... where was I... Oh, yeah. DANIEL BRYAN! *clap clap clap clap clap* (Lets go Orton too but shhhh I only secretly like him) I'm looking forward to seeing Vickie trying to impress Stephanie :gusta: Bryan's heating up! Backflip. His crazy clothesline. Aries' dropkick. Bryan's dropkick. Two-count. I want a Pepsi. Yes. Yes. Yes. SUICIDE DIoh Orton you bastard, ask Barrett about that one. Commentary's having so much fun. Orton speaks weak but carries a big stick and is burying it into Bryan's belly button, want to make an X-Pac joke here butt that would be lame. Mark for signature moves that are never countered being countered. DDT counter into the No Lock, countered into a catapult, countered into hanging onto the ropes countered into a boot to the face that wasn't countered at all. Video's done, turns over to Dailymotion Video 3 and see an ArmorAll ad, is anyone not sponsoring Raw now? Ooh, tough fall, here's the doctors... Called off the match? BOO! WEAK! :sad: Orton had a nice Curtis Axel moment there, and how sweet, he's going to help poor D-Bry up and give him a hug... RKO? Don't do it Orton you son of a bitch... whew. Ahh so poor wittle Bryan is going to be okay, and the "All your doctors are diseased" part of Orton's song was very badly timed :haha:.

(Geez, that last paragraph was bad, trying to pull random stuff out of your ass while actually watching a fine match doesn't work that well

This Raw has been money, man. *Goes to fix taquitos to get a break, thanks Dailymotion! :win: So much better than live Raw.* Can't wait to see what's next... "LETS LIGHT IT UP, Light It Up, Light It Tonight" :facepalm1: God dammit, gotta stop having expectations :haha:. Based on recent history Kaitlyn's tears means she's going psychotic, or she's pregnant. One or the two. STOP FUCKING SKIPPING. Aww, your baby Ziggy won't be here? Nooooooo. DAMN YOU AND YOUR REALLY SMART BOOKING. THIS IS ANGERING ME IN THE SHORT TERM :why: We Want Ziggler. Generic heel stuff from AJ, she's so creepy in a "Now I know how you ladies feel when that bearded guy behind the library says you have nice hair" way. Open challenge, yawn, generic... Wait, Steph? Dammmmmnnnn what a swerve. She's not in wrestling gear, although we all appreciate you finding a low-cut suit so you can look all business-like while showing off your tits. It's like a mullet, except slightly less Blue. "Although I don't understand why you perpetuate this stereotype that women are caniving and psychotic, I mean what you did to Kaitlyn was degrading to women everywhere" Holy shit, how did Nazi's screams of glee during this segment not wake me up? Steph speaks the truth, jesus christ ANOTHER GREAT SEGMENT ON RAW! Dammit, I wanna take a shovel and bury something, but surely Steph's hubby will be back on later for that :tough:. "Do you remember who you're talking to I'm a McMahon..." Daaaaammmmmnnnnnn. Steph 1 AJ 0. Steph throws out the McMahon insults, Steph calls them overplayed. Steph 2 AJ 0. Keep this going guys 1: Steph > Brooke Hogan. Kaitlyn's boobs are leading the whole Divas' locker room out to the ring. In NXT Season 5 Kaitlyn was money on the mic, what happened to her... aww shit, Kaitlyn's doing a bad AJ impersonation, you are no Drew Carey. BOOBS! :happy: Yeah, lets just end on that and completely skip over AJ going back into crazy immature bitch mode. Lets not discuss that. At all.

Dean Ambrose vs Kane, because this didn't suck enough at Payback apparently. Hey, look, there's a new Black Ref. Ambrose reminds me of the one good thing about RVD, he has this unique selling style that was really entertaining when RVD actually sold for people. Luckily the similarities end there. Lets go Ambrose/Ambrose Sucks, so apparently everyone has a chant like thoh the match is over, and we get a new 3-on-1 assault, so long since we've seen a triple powerbomb. VICKIE TIME! Ambrose wants a mic? No, he wants the title :downer: You'd give ADR and AJ a mic but not Ambrose? OH HELL NO!

...never mind here's Ambrose running down Harpy backstage. Cool story, ooh, Vickie's about to fire Ambrose, and Crayo will have the weirdest boner ever seen... dammit, Vince saves Dean right when that was getting excited. So VKM is heel again? Thank goodness. "RUTHLESS AGGRESSION!" So Triple and Vince are torn on the Shield too? Whatever, at least they're fighting about young talent. "You know I never liked that halloween mask wearing freak" BRAY WYoh no he's talking about Kane. Shit. WYATT FAMILY PROMO #2! :yay: Looks like we're getting more Bray than App plugs. 10/10 raw if this keeps up. Every time he says "we're coming" I say "for you, smurf".

Zeb Colter going with Cesaro and letting it make sense. Then again his political character may as well flip-flop since that's what American political types do :haha: Aww shit here's fatass William Regal. MOOBS! :downer: Regal went all the way from Florida to Michigan just to job. What a trooper. *Stands and salutes* Wouldn't it be cool to see one more small title push for Regal? I mean he's done, but damn. It would be like Jerry Lawler back in 2011 except people would actually care. Dude's dealt with so much shit over his career. What the hell was that reverse-spike-piledriver into a spike? Damn, Cesaro, you crazy. Giant Swing Headlock into a dammit the video crashed... Into nothing. :sad: Could be a cool submission finisher. Neutralizer, thanks for coming William and this commentary is classic, covering the Confedarate flag over his opponents 1: This is so offensively hilarious.

Here's John Cena with the arrow pointing to his dick shirt and almost running into a technical guy, lol'ed. Can't see Cena backstage without imagining Riley behind the corner... HOLY COW WWE USED THE SCRATCH WWF LOGO IN THE RVD RETURN PROMO! HOW HARDCORE. I really don't care. So we're 2-for-2 on Wyatt Family Promos and RVD Promos, please don't keep that equal. Cena's music hits.

And then he says "It's monday! 1 more day until Tuesday :yay:" on the stage 1: The hell was that? Rebecca Black was years ago, buddy. After that ridiculousness I'll not fast-forward through this though pretty sure it'll be hell. Come on unintentional comedy! Avoid intentional comedy! You can't do it! STOP STANDING THERE. TALK. DO SOMETHING. "Over the years you admire your honesty" like hell you do. But with all the IWC-pleasing stuff tonight hearing him mention us is pretty cool. "There's the group who knows every time I step out here I go to war for them!" *Camera cuts away to a kid in a Ryback shirt* lol'ed. "I feel as good as I've ever felt and I can take care of any challenge" yeah, we know, we call you SuperCena for a reason. "Even if I look down and out and you try to cash in I'll always be ready" :haha: Yeah, we know buddy. Music plays, no interruptions? Aww well, not a bad promo regardOH YEAH HERE'S HENRY. OH BABY. SOMEBODY GONNA GET THEY ASS KICKED! He's running out in a pink suit since he couldn't find another one in his size. Putting down the boots... oh shit. Last "retirement" we saw was Edge's (Triple H's idiotic work retirement doesn't count) so there's no reason to believe it's legit... while I legit shed a tear. Man, I'm gonna miss hearing that theme, yelling "AWW SHIT", watching Dolph's and Crayo collectively cream themselves watching the Worlds Blackest Man make some jobber shit his pants in fear. He's smiling, breaking character... going into shoot mode... this really is it, isn't it? The end of one of the greatest heels we've seen in years... lease: Talking about the history... reminiscing... the crowd yelling "THANK YOU HENRY in respect. Joking about the coat. Wish he'd stop putting over Cena he could use the spotlight himself. ONE MORE MATCH! ONE MORE MATCH! Mark holds up the title like he never did, or Regal never did. Legit shed a tear there man. So touching, so emotional... this was this guy's dream but Father Time just wouldn't do the job. "And my wife, naw not Mae Young" 1: Baby I'm coming home, and this heartfelt speech has turned into one of glWORLD'S STRONGEST SLAM! AWW SHIT! 1: OH BABY! Marking! Laughing uncontrollably! YOU THINK IT'S THAT EASY! I GOT A LOT LEFT IN THE TANK! OH SHIT MARK's HERE TO STAY! :yay: : :woo: WATCH YO ASS. IT DO MATTER. MARK HENRY COMIN FOR YOU SUCKA! Oh hell yeah! ipebomb: GOAT/10 segment!

Aww shit, much to the shagrin of Triple H here's 3MB, ironically really smart to throw them here to give us a buffer after that gold we just witnessed. BREAK THE WALLS DOWN! Never mind the hits won't stop coming. Then again Fozzy might be the only group 3MB is better than. Drew Mcintyre banging Tiffany may have ruined his career but we all can agree it was worth it. Hey, look, Slater's getting in offense! :yay: The One-Man Band Bay-bay vs COME ON BAY-BAY aww, it's over.

So Curtis is booked for the show twice? Or was that just an inside joke between Vickie and Axel to screw over Wade? At least it feels like the GM wrote the show tonight. Damn, since when did Sin Cara become Curtis' personal bitch? When is Samuray Del Sol debuting? Did they re-do Axel's theme, because this is definitely the best version yet! Stop doing the Figure Four Miz. Really, the Cara lighting is back? Boo. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE WRASSLIN IN THE DARK? Axel's looking better than ever, doesn't look as green as he did just recently. He's getting a push and doing a damn good job of deserving it. Now if the booking would help him too. DDT finish? Meh, next.

"THIS SHOW IS OUT OF CONTROL! THIS SHOW IS A DISASTER!" Man, that's wrestling! This is fairly tame compared to when Vince was in charge, remember the Attitude Era? Oh, yeah, you're a McMahon. Of course you don't. And remember the Raw Walkout, when there was "OMG UNCONTROLLABLE CHAOS EVERY WEEK" when there really wasn't shit happening? Guess it's more crazy than that at least. Aww, sad vickie is sad, might wanna move your ears Steph. Meanwhile sensitive Heyman is sensative, he's sounding like such a mark fangirl it's hilarious. Yay, ADR, I get to bury something! He comes out to the same damn reaction he's been getting for 3 years now, not a damn thing. Ricardo's bucket is more over than you, ADR. If a great Mexican superstar walks out and nobody makes a sound, is he really a superstar? If ADR set an alarm clock to get up at 7 he'd probably get up around 9 because nothing makes noise around Del Rio. Meanwhile, it's clobbering time, the return of the Best in the World, yada yada all that shit. Is that Fred Durst at ringside? ADR being a little chickenshit bitch running around everywhere. ADR to concussions is like Axel and countouts apparently. Is everyone going to have their own silly match finish? It's two guys who want to go to sleep going up against each other. How odd is it that face Punk seems much more in-your-face and relentless? ADR back to the arm moves, he just can't help himself. He loves them arms. ADR going for the ripoff Si chants for heel heat lols, GO TO SLEEP TO DELRIO! And it actually looked good this time! Yeah, you get him Punk, he deserves it. Ricardo helping ADR out... wow, ADR having trouble moving along, is this the 15th concussion angle we have going on righOH SHIT ZIGGLER'S BACK! ZIGGLER FROM OUT OF NOWHERE WITH THE PROVERBIAL HOUSE OF FIRE AND HE GOT HIS PINK SHIRT BACK FROM WWE CREATIVE AND OH HELL HE'S ON A RAMPAGE AND TEARING ADR ap... oh shit. Dun, dun, da-da-dun. What is Brock doing out here... Heyman, you son of a bitch. You weren't being a horny fangirl after all, you were just being a pissed off female stereotype. Hey, Punk, you know it's a good idea to leave when Lesnar comes out, right? Usually not a good idea to stay in the ring with him. Giving Lesnar a mic now? Can't the invisible guy at ringside give someone who can talk the mic? What's he going to say? There's only a few seconds left... F-5 TO PUNK! HOLY SHIT DAVE MELTZER WAS RIGHT ABOUT SOMETHING! Arrive. F-5. Leave. Aww shit, WWE is on fire right now. Can't wait for Raw next week.

 

[Crayo]

DZ's reaction on this page is simply beautiful. It literally goes side-by-side with mine:

Henry's interrupting :yay:
In a suit? Hmm, got to be a work!
Wait, he's crying? NOO
DON'T RETIRE MARK
MARK DON'T DO IT PLEASE
FUCK YOU CENA, DON'T USE HIS RETIREMENT TO GET OVER YOU SICK TWISTED FUCK
OMFG OMFG OMFG WEGHKOWEHNIOWEH
KICK HIS ASS MARK
WOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO
THAT'S WHAT HE DOES :henry:

 

[Lacky]

Can we invite Lacky ?

My Internet cut out- just finished watching Raw online. Thought the episode was awesome!

 

[Shadie T]

Sorry I missed the second half, Fell asleep and watching it now.

 

[Crayo]

Teflon Test would have even enjoyed this RAW

 

[GrammarNazi82]

Super-duper long live reactions crap in spoiler, well the above spoiler anyway

Spoiler

Alrighty, as a service to alllllll the people tagging me in the Raw thread (and by "allllll" I mean "both" :alone, here's a little Raw reaction thread, and so Dolph's can be entertained when taking a dump... yep, this is off to a flying start already. Just left the store to go get some food (doritos, taquitos, cheerios, lemonade-os), ran all the way back in a fast-paced fever in the rain, got in and started swinging my arms around in excitement for such an apparently incredible Raw, then realized I was doing a "Feed Me More" taunt and went like : and stopped. Anyway, To those of you noobs expecting paragraphs of sex chat, that's not how things go around here, brother. Me and sex are like Chavo and Eddie, oh god that was a bad analogy. Lets just start the fucking review.

"Tonight, on Monday Night Raw: The fallout from Payback will be felt... will Sin Cara be punished for falling way too late on Cena's super-dive? Is Curt Hawkins leading and Aces and Eights invasion into WWE? Will the "I'm a Chris Benoit guy" get tied up and beaten by Linda backstage? Find out... on Monday... Night... Raw..." Seriously holy balls these video packages are so damn good.

Ooooh, can't wait to see how on earth this "greatest Raw ever" will start... will we get something hot to just knock us off our feet? Hey, look, it's Alberto Del Rio!

nice one WWE. The commentary's so gold when it comes to this angle. They don't feel biased, everything's organic. Thanks, Not Vince! Wait they're giving him a mic? NO! DON'T YOU DA...zzzzzzzz "Why would everyone be talking about a Man of Steel when you have a man of gold in front of you?" Umm, did you see the Main Event? The Man of Steel has gold too. ADR doing the basic "I GOT SCREWED SO I SCREWED HIM BACK" crap so double-turn confirmed, hell yeah. Wait, ADR's actually mentioning crowd reaction and not just ignoring it? :shock: We want Ziggler! *clap clap clap clap clap* Hope Triple really is booking this, dammit if we want Ziggler you better give us some damn Ziggler. Dude jobs 80% of the time and he's arguably top-5 in WWE in overness. #IWCRevolution wait, People still wear "NWO 4 LIFE" shirts? Why is Del Rio still talking? Stop talking. Del Rio end this. Jack Swagger, come on someone, anyone, come out and endPUNK! YES! :win: Look in my eyes, what do you see, a cult of personality, boy is this a contrast. Punk's hoodie has more charisma than ADR. Wait if Punk's face, why is Heyman still there? Those pops, everyone loves Punk. Come on, we want sarcastic jackass Punk, or you can just pull out your cat claws and make short work of this :yay: So punk's bringing his heel mic style to the face role? Could use a little work. He looks like New Nexus punk with this new hairstyle, it looks cool tbh. Punk turning to the defense of Ziggles "While this guy was stealing the spotlight from Dolph Ziggler I was stealing the show with Chris Jericho" good grief so much IWC fappage in this promo. WHY DOES ADR STILL HAVE A MIC? I haven't seen anyone this outclassed since RVD wrestled... well, anybody. Lol @ the crowd antagonizing Del Rio with the "Si" chants. "Do you want me to get my ass kicked by the Best in the World tonight? Si." Hey, look, it's the harpy. :gusta: Vickie comes out, announces the match, leaves. If only there were 2 more people out there we'd have a great Teddy Long situation.

Vickie's Big Surprise? :gusta:
Bryan vs Orton? Oh hell yeah.
Wait, Wade and Azel? One-on-one? Heel vs Heel and WWE not being afraid to do it? :mog: WHAT AM I WATCHING. THIS IS NOT RAW. Where in the hell did all this ballsiness, attention to detail, attention to crowd reaction, and logic come from? Holy shit, WWE is on a roll with allllll this stuff that I put past them. I must have accidentally turned on Impact, but then again Hogan would still be up there bitching about god knows what. Beats Del Rio with a mic.

"Do you have any idea how much I care for you? I'm sorry that I jumped the gun out there, it's how I feel about you punk" is Heyman reading tweets from fangirls? That was creepy. And Punk and Paul are breaking up... how heartbreaking :sad: JOBBER ENTRANCE FOR BARRETT? WHAT THE FUCK? :tough: Actual episode of Raw confirmed! :win: You know it's WWE when there's a British guy oozing star power on the TV getting squashed, but it's all okay because Wade's better off without the belt and Axel is awesome. Anyone else noticed how fast-paced that Payback match was? Jesus christ, Miz and Barrett are no athletes and Axel's green so that completely surpassed what that shoulda been, can't wait. Dammit Vickie you stupid harpie! Stop getting in-between two different guys! Ugh, so he has a new opponent to squash Wade? Oh hell, this never comes out good...

CHRISTIAN'S BACK! :yay: MARKING! *Throws down headset and runs down the stairs in sheer excitement* Captain Charisma ftw, blow yourselves haters. He should grow a beard, he'd look a lot like Chuck Norris. Hope Christian does something good in this run, and that Hardy-esque splash off the turnbuckle to the floor was a really good start! That Tornado DDT always looks awesome, he and Generico would be an awesome tag team. Do it dubya-dubya-ee. Standard stuff here and great re-introduction, and hey Barrett's just enough of a jobber to be a MITB contender!

"It's not just Vickie Guererro being large and in charge" Shut up Lawler. To think I defended you, fuck off, Vickie's hot. A hell of a lot hotter than anybody your fat ass is going to score with. I AM THE EATER OF WORLDS, God I love these Wyatt family video packages. Want at least 3 more tonight, or a debut. :gusta:

Oh boy, lookie here, it's Team Rhodes Scholars! Wonder who they're going to be "putting over" tonight that won't mean shit... It's a sheamful thing, lobster head... fuck. Sheamus should dye his face blue and he'll look like the Titans logo. Oh, it's 2 on 1 handicap style? Man, Sandow and Rhodes will never undig their own graves after this. Disaster Kick, they're getting offense in. Yay, no, just get this over with. Go ahead and give Sheamus his fluke win. Anyone remember when Rhodes was not only relevant but money? Yeah, me neither. Anyone remember when Sheamus was entertaining? I don't either... well, he did kick Lawler's head off. That counts :dawg: Sheamus dominating. End this. Roll-up? Scholars win? :shock: Does this mean this feud's continuing? God dammit. "Yeah, like I told you, 2 good men always beat 1 good man" yeah, tell Ryback's jobbers that. "2 IS BETTER THAN ONE!" Brogue Kick to Cody, fuck's sake.

Mark Henry retires... making me want to cry, man. At least things have improved to the point where the show won't be unbearable without him man. What's his legacy? Sexual Chocolate? Nation of Domination? The man who saved Smackdown's ratings from Orton's reign of terror?

Yay, a video package with early 2000's nu-metal! Nostalgia makes it not suck anymore! :win: Oh, wait, it's for RVD. Hope the next time he points at himself he doesn't hear "ROB VAN DAM", he hears "Sierra, Hotel, India..." Shield beat his ass and he's never seen again. Dude makes Chavo look like Ziggler by comparison.

Man whoever's outside drunk and crying can shut the fuck up. Don't even wanna know, actually keep it up so I can hear you over Triple H talking... never mind, a performance review? Exposing Vickie gusta as the fraud she is? She can't deal with the Shield? She let Christian sit around for so long? HHH wanting Vickie to deal with the Shield? But... the Shield aren't really an invading force, they're just people on the roster now... So we're retroactively doing this again? Oh whatever it'll be enterBRYAN! YES! MAIN EVENT TIME! Screw whatever's the last match, Bryan is always the Main Event. Poor wittle insecure ol' Bryan. Everyone loves him except him. "The only team that matters to me is Team DB!" "Makes sense since you're being a DB" 1: Screw all the Kane lovers, he's epic in this role! Ooooh, "We lost because of Daniel Bryan, he is the weak link!" from Orton there. That was so harsh but so stupid of you, hell have no fury like a pissed off goat. Come on 2/3 falls! Lets see what the people backstage WWE Universe decided... No DQ. : Aww, but this'll be so good we'll want to see it three times! How dare you think that way with Cena and Ryback but not this.. oh, yeah, the "fans" voted for it. DANIEL BRYAN! *clap clap clap clap clap* DANIEL BRYAN! *clap clap clap clap clap* Someone just sent me a video with a cat chasing a duck.. focus, Rain, focus... where was I... Oh, yeah. DANIEL BRYAN! *clap clap clap clap clap* (Lets go Orton too but shhhh I only secretly like him) I'm looking forward to seeing Vickie trying to impress Stephanie :gusta: Bryan's heating up! Backflip. His crazy clothesline. Aries' dropkick. Bryan's dropkick. Two-count. I want a Pepsi. Yes. Yes. Yes. SUICIDE DIoh Orton you bastard, ask Barrett about that one. Commentary's having so much fun. Orton speaks weak but carries a big stick and is burying it into Bryan's belly button, want to make an X-Pac joke here butt that would be lame. Mark for signature moves that are never countered being countered. DDT counter into the No Lock, countered into a catapult, countered into hanging onto the ropes countered into a boot to the face that wasn't countered at all. Video's done, turns over to Dailymotion Video 3 and see an ArmorAll ad, is anyone not sponsoring Raw now? Ooh, tough fall, here's the doctors... Called off the match? BOO! WEAK! :sad: Orton had a nice Curtis Axel moment there, and how sweet, he's going to help poor D-Bry up and give him a hug... RKO? Don't do it Orton you son of a bitch... whew. Ahh so poor wittle Bryan is going to be okay, and the "All your doctors are diseased" part of Orton's song was very badly timed :haha:.

(Geez, that last paragraph was bad, trying to pull random stuff out of your ass while actually watching a fine match doesn't work that well

This Raw has been money, man. *Goes to fix taquitos to get a break, thanks Dailymotion! :win: So much better than live Raw.* Can't wait to see what's next... "LETS LIGHT IT UP, Light It Up, Light It Tonight" :facepalm1: God dammit, gotta stop having expectations :haha:. Based on recent history Kaitlyn's tears means she's going psychotic, or she's pregnant. One or the two. STOP FUCKING SKIPPING. Aww, your baby Ziggy won't be here? Nooooooo. DAMN YOU AND YOUR REALLY SMART BOOKING. THIS IS ANGERING ME IN THE SHORT TERM :why: We Want Ziggler. Generic heel stuff from AJ, she's so creepy in a "Now I know how you ladies feel when that bearded guy behind the library says you have nice hair" way. Open challenge, yawn, generic... Wait, Steph? Dammmmmnnnn what a swerve. She's not in wrestling gear, although we all appreciate you finding a low-cut suit so you can look all business-like while showing off your tits. It's like a mullet, except slightly less Blue. "Although I don't understand why you perpetuate this stereotype that women are caniving and psychotic, I mean what you did to Kaitlyn was degrading to women everywhere" Holy shit, how did Nazi's screams of glee during this segment not wake me up? Steph speaks the truth, jesus christ ANOTHER GREAT SEGMENT ON RAW! Dammit, I wanna take a shovel and bury something, but surely Steph's hubby will be back on later for that :tough:. "Do you remember who you're talking to I'm a McMahon..." Daaaaammmmmnnnnnn. Steph 1 AJ 0. Steph throws out the McMahon insults, Steph calls them overplayed. Steph 2 AJ 0. Keep this going guys 1: Steph > Brooke Hogan. Kaitlyn's boobs are leading the whole Divas' locker room out to the ring. In NXT Season 5 Kaitlyn was money on the mic, what happened to her... aww shit, Kaitlyn's doing a bad AJ impersonation, you are no Drew Carey. BOOBS! :happy: Yeah, lets just end on that and completely skip over AJ going back into crazy immature bitch mode. Lets not discuss that. At all.

Dean Ambrose vs Kane, because this didn't suck enough at Payback apparently. Hey, look, there's a new Black Ref. Ambrose reminds me of the one good thing about RVD, he has this unique selling style that was really entertaining when RVD actually sold for people. Luckily the similarities end there. Lets go Ambrose/Ambrose Sucks, so apparently everyone has a chant like thoh the match is over, and we get a new 3-on-1 assault, so long since we've seen a triple powerbomb. VICKIE TIME! Ambrose wants a mic? No, he wants the title :downer: You'd give ADR and AJ a mic but not Ambrose? OH HELL NO!

...never mind here's Ambrose running down Harpy backstage. Cool story, ooh, Vickie's about to fire Ambrose, and Crayo will have the weirdest boner ever seen... dammit, Vince saves Dean right when that was getting excited. So VKM is heel again? Thank goodness. "RUTHLESS AGGRESSION!" So Triple and Vince are torn on the Shield too? Whatever, at least they're fighting about young talent. "You know I never liked that halloween mask wearing freak" BRAY WYoh no he's talking about Kane. Shit. WYATT FAMILY PROMO #2! :yay: Looks like we're getting more Bray than App plugs. 10/10 raw if this keeps up. Every time he says "we're coming" I say "for you, smurf".

Zeb Colter going with Cesaro and letting it make sense. Then again his political character may as well flip-flop since that's what American political types do :haha: Aww shit here's fatass William Regal. MOOBS! :downer: Regal went all the way from Florida to Michigan just to job. What a trooper. *Stands and salutes* Wouldn't it be cool to see one more small title push for Regal? I mean he's done, but damn. It would be like Jerry Lawler back in 2011 except people would actually care. Dude's dealt with so much shit over his career. What the hell was that reverse-spike-piledriver into a spike? Damn, Cesaro, you crazy. Giant Swing Headlock into a dammit the video crashed... Into nothing. :sad: Could be a cool submission finisher. Neutralizer, thanks for coming William and this commentary is classic, covering the Confedarate flag over his opponents 1: This is so offensively hilarious.

Here's John Cena with the arrow pointing to his dick shirt and almost running into a technical guy, lol'ed. Can't see Cena backstage without imagining Riley behind the corner... HOLY COW WWE USED THE SCRATCH WWF LOGO IN THE RVD RETURN PROMO! HOW HARDCORE. I really don't care. So we're 2-for-2 on Wyatt Family Promos and RVD Promos, please don't keep that equal. Cena's music hits.

And then he says "It's monday! 1 more day until Tuesday :yay:" on the stage 1: The hell was that? Rebecca Black was years ago, buddy. After that ridiculousness I'll not fast-forward through this though pretty sure it'll be hell. Come on unintentional comedy! Avoid intentional comedy! You can't do it! STOP STANDING THERE. TALK. DO SOMETHING. "Over the years you admire your honesty" like hell you do. But with all the IWC-pleasing stuff tonight hearing him mention us is pretty cool. "There's the group who knows every time I step out here I go to war for them!" *Camera cuts away to a kid in a Ryback shirt* lol'ed. "I feel as good as I've ever felt and I can take care of any challenge" yeah, we know, we call you SuperCena for a reason. "Even if I look down and out and you try to cash in I'll always be ready" :haha: Yeah, we know buddy. Music plays, no interruptions? Aww well, not a bad promo regardOH YEAH HERE'S HENRY. OH BABY. SOMEBODY GONNA GET THEY ASS KICKED! He's running out in a pink suit since he couldn't find another one in his size. Putting down the boots... oh shit. Last "retirement" we saw was Edge's (Triple H's idiotic work retirement doesn't count) so there's no reason to believe it's legit... while I legit shed a tear. Man, I'm gonna miss hearing that theme, yelling "AWW SHIT", watching Dolph's and Crayo collectively cream themselves watching the Worlds Blackest Man make some jobber shit his pants in fear. He's smiling, breaking character... going into shoot mode... this really is it, isn't it? The end of one of the greatest heels we've seen in years... lease: Talking about the history... reminiscing... the crowd yelling "THANK YOU HENRY in respect. Joking about the coat. Wish he'd stop putting over Cena he could use the spotlight himself. ONE MORE MATCH! ONE MORE MATCH! Mark holds up the title like he never did, or Regal never did. Legit shed a tear there man. So touching, so emotional... this was this guy's dream but Father Time just wouldn't do the job. "And my wife, naw not Mae Young" 1: Baby I'm coming home, and this heartfelt speech has turned into one of glWORLD'S STRONGEST SLAM! AWW SHIT! 1: OH BABY! Marking! Laughing uncontrollably! YOU THINK IT'S THAT EASY! I GOT A LOT LEFT IN THE TANK! OH SHIT MARK's HERE TO STAY! :yay: : :woo: WATCH YO ASS. IT DO MATTER. MARK HENRY COMIN FOR YOU SUCKA! Oh hell yeah! ipebomb: GOAT/10 segment!

Aww shit, much to the shagrin of Triple H here's 3MB, ironically really smart to throw them here to give us a buffer after that gold we just witnessed. BREAK THE WALLS DOWN! Never mind the hits won't stop coming. Then again Fozzy might be the only group 3MB is better than. Drew Mcintyre banging Tiffany may have ruined his career but we all can agree it was worth it. Hey, look, Slater's getting in offense! :yay: The One-Man Band Bay-bay vs COME ON BAY-BAY aww, it's over.

So Curtis is booked for the show twice? Or was that just an inside joke between Vickie and Axel to screw over Wade? At least it feels like the GM wrote the show tonight. Damn, since when did Sin Cara become Curtis' personal bitch? When is Samuray Del Sol debuting? Did they re-do Axel's theme, because this is definitely the best version yet! Stop doing the Figure Four Miz. Really, the Cara lighting is back? Boo. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE WRASSLIN IN THE DARK? Axel's looking better than ever, doesn't look as green as he did just recently. He's getting a push and doing a damn good job of deserving it. Now if the booking would help him too. DDT finish? Meh, next.

"THIS SHOW IS OUT OF CONTROL! THIS SHOW IS A DISASTER!" Man, that's wrestling! This is fairly tame compared to when Vince was in charge, remember the Attitude Era? Oh, yeah, you're a McMahon. Of course you don't. And remember the Raw Walkout, when there was "OMG UNCONTROLLABLE CHAOS EVERY WEEK" when there really wasn't shit happening? Guess it's more crazy than that at least. Aww, sad vickie is sad, might wanna move your ears Steph. Meanwhile sensitive Heyman is sensative, he's sounding like such a mark fangirl it's hilarious. Yay, ADR, I get to bury something! He comes out to the same damn reaction he's been getting for 3 years now, not a damn thing. Ricardo's bucket is more over than you, ADR. If a great Mexican superstar walks out and nobody makes a sound, is he really a superstar? If ADR set an alarm clock to get up at 7 he'd probably get up around 9 because nothing makes noise around Del Rio. Meanwhile, it's clobbering time, the return of the Best in the World, yada yada all that shit. Is that Fred Durst at ringside? ADR being a little chickenshit bitch running around everywhere. ADR to concussions is like Axel and countouts apparently. Is everyone going to have their own silly match finish? It's two guys who want to go to sleep going up against each other. How odd is it that face Punk seems much more in-your-face and relentless? ADR back to the arm moves, he just can't help himself. He loves them arms. ADR going for the ripoff Si chants for heel heat lols, GO TO SLEEP TO DELRIO! And it actually looked good this time! Yeah, you get him Punk, he deserves it. Ricardo helping ADR out... wow, ADR having trouble moving along, is this the 15th concussion angle we have going on righOH SHIT ZIGGLER'S BACK! ZIGGLER FROM OUT OF NOWHERE WITH THE PROVERBIAL HOUSE OF FIRE AND HE GOT HIS PINK SHIRT BACK FROM WWE CREATIVE AND OH HELL HE'S ON A RAMPAGE AND TEARING ADR ap... oh shit. Dun, dun, da-da-dun. What is Brock doing out here... Heyman, you son of a bitch. You weren't being a horny fangirl after all, you were just being a pissed off female stereotype. Hey, Punk, you know it's a good idea to leave when Lesnar comes out, right? Usually not a good idea to stay in the ring with him. Giving Lesnar a mic now? Can't the invisible guy at ringside give someone who can talk the mic? What's he going to say? There's only a few seconds left... F-5 TO PUNK! HOLY SHIT DAVE MELTZER WAS RIGHT ABOUT SOMETHING! Arrive. F-5. Leave. Aww shit, WWE is on fire right now. Can't wait for Raw next week.

1: 1: 1: Epic Rain review is epic. So much astounding greatness. Wish I could like it repeatedly to make up for the lack of "likes" you would have been given last night, but oh well. Fantastic post and review, sir! I'm surprised my gleeful screams didn't wake you up, either. Steph was being great last night for a change. Tagging DKJames to be sure he doesn't miss your review.

Spoiler

However, one minor detail -- as a southerner I feel it is my duty to point out they did not use the Confederate flag. They used the Gadsden flag, "Don't tread on me." Carry on. :haha:

 

[wils172]

Beat you!

You missed the sarcasm..

 

[DK JAMES]

Super-duper long live reactions crap in spoiler, well the above spoiler anyway

Spoiler

Alrighty, as a service to alllllll the people tagging me in the Raw thread (and by "allllll" I mean "both" :alone, here's a little Raw reaction thread, and so Dolph's can be entertained when taking a dump... yep, this is off to a flying start already. Just left the store to go get some food (doritos, taquitos, cheerios, lemonade-os), ran all the way back in a fast-paced fever in the rain, got in and started swinging my arms around in excitement for such an apparently incredible Raw, then realized I was doing a "Feed Me More" taunt and went like : and stopped. Anyway, To those of you noobs expecting paragraphs of sex chat, that's not how things go around here, brother. Me and sex are like Chavo and Eddie, oh god that was a bad analogy. Lets just start the fucking review.

"Tonight, on Monday Night Raw: The fallout from Payback will be felt... will Sin Cara be punished for falling way too late on Cena's super-dive? Is Curt Hawkins leading and Aces and Eights invasion into WWE? Will the "I'm a Chris Benoit guy" get tied up and beaten by Linda backstage? Find out... on Monday... Night... Raw..." Seriously holy balls these video packages are so damn good.

Ooooh, can't wait to see how on earth this "greatest Raw ever" will start... will we get something hot to just knock us off our feet? Hey, look, it's Alberto Del Rio!

nice one WWE. The commentary's so gold when it comes to this angle. They don't feel biased, everything's organic. Thanks, Not Vince! Wait they're giving him a mic? NO! DON'T YOU DA...zzzzzzzz "Why would everyone be talking about a Man of Steel when you have a man of gold in front of you?" Umm, did you see the Main Event? The Man of Steel has gold too. ADR doing the basic "I GOT SCREWED SO I SCREWED HIM BACK" crap so double-turn confirmed, hell yeah. Wait, ADR's actually mentioning crowd reaction and not just ignoring it? :shock: We want Ziggler! *clap clap clap clap clap* Hope Triple really is booking this, dammit if we want Ziggler you better give us some damn Ziggler. Dude jobs 80% of the time and he's arguably top-5 in WWE in overness. #IWCRevolution wait, People still wear "NWO 4 LIFE" shirts? Why is Del Rio still talking? Stop talking. Del Rio end this. Jack Swagger, come on someone, anyone, come out and endPUNK! YES! :win: Look in my eyes, what do you see, a cult of personality, boy is this a contrast. Punk's hoodie has more charisma than ADR. Wait if Punk's face, why is Heyman still there? Those pops, everyone loves Punk. Come on, we want sarcastic jackass Punk, or you can just pull out your cat claws and make short work of this :yay: So punk's bringing his heel mic style to the face role? Could use a little work. He looks like New Nexus punk with this new hairstyle, it looks cool tbh. Punk turning to the defense of Ziggles "While this guy was stealing the spotlight from Dolph Ziggler I was stealing the show with Chris Jericho" good grief so much IWC fappage in this promo. WHY DOES ADR STILL HAVE A MIC? I haven't seen anyone this outclassed since RVD wrestled... well, anybody. Lol @ the crowd antagonizing Del Rio with the "Si" chants. "Do you want me to get my ass kicked by the Best in the World tonight? Si." Hey, look, it's the harpy. :gusta: Vickie comes out, announces the match, leaves. If only there were 2 more people out there we'd have a great Teddy Long situation.

Vickie's Big Surprise? :gusta:
Bryan vs Orton? Oh hell yeah.
Wait, Wade and Azel? One-on-one? Heel vs Heel and WWE not being afraid to do it? :mog: WHAT AM I WATCHING. THIS IS NOT RAW. Where in the hell did all this ballsiness, attention to detail, attention to crowd reaction, and logic come from? Holy shit, WWE is on a roll with allllll this stuff that I put past them. I must have accidentally turned on Impact, but then again Hogan would still be up there bitching about god knows what. Beats Del Rio with a mic.

"Do you have any idea how much I care for you? I'm sorry that I jumped the gun out there, it's how I feel about you punk" is Heyman reading tweets from fangirls? That was creepy. And Punk and Paul are breaking up... how heartbreaking :sad: JOBBER ENTRANCE FOR BARRETT? WHAT THE FUCK? :tough: Actual episode of Raw confirmed! :win: You know it's WWE when there's a British guy oozing star power on the TV getting squashed, but it's all okay because Wade's better off without the belt and Axel is awesome. Anyone else noticed how fast-paced that Payback match was? Jesus christ, Miz and Barrett are no athletes and Axel's green so that completely surpassed what that shoulda been, can't wait. Dammit Vickie you stupid harpie! Stop getting in-between two different guys! Ugh, so he has a new opponent to squash Wade? Oh hell, this never comes out good...

CHRISTIAN'S BACK! :yay: MARKING! *Throws down headset and runs down the stairs in sheer excitement* Captain Charisma ftw, blow yourselves haters. He should grow a beard, he'd look a lot like Chuck Norris. Hope Christian does something good in this run, and that Hardy-esque splash off the turnbuckle to the floor was a really good start! That Tornado DDT always looks awesome, he and Generico would be an awesome tag team. Do it dubya-dubya-ee. Standard stuff here and great re-introduction, and hey Barrett's just enough of a jobber to be a MITB contender!

"It's not just Vickie Guererro being large and in charge" Shut up Lawler. To think I defended you, fuck off, Vickie's hot. A hell of a lot hotter than anybody your fat ass is going to score with. I AM THE EATER OF WORLDS, God I love these Wyatt family video packages. Want at least 3 more tonight, or a debut. :gusta:

Oh boy, lookie here, it's Team Rhodes Scholars! Wonder who they're going to be "putting over" tonight that won't mean shit... It's a sheamful thing, lobster head... fuck. Sheamus should dye his face blue and he'll look like the Titans logo. Oh, it's 2 on 1 handicap style? Man, Sandow and Rhodes will never undig their own graves after this. Disaster Kick, they're getting offense in. Yay, no, just get this over with. Go ahead and give Sheamus his fluke win. Anyone remember when Rhodes was not only relevant but money? Yeah, me neither. Anyone remember when Sheamus was entertaining? I don't either... well, he did kick Lawler's head off. That counts :dawg: Sheamus dominating. End this. Roll-up? Scholars win? :shock: Does this mean this feud's continuing? God dammit. "Yeah, like I told you, 2 good men always beat 1 good man" yeah, tell Ryback's jobbers that. "2 IS BETTER THAN ONE!" Brogue Kick to Cody, fuck's sake.

Mark Henry retires... making me want to cry, man. At least things have improved to the point where the show won't be unbearable without him man. What's his legacy? Sexual Chocolate? Nation of Domination? The man who saved Smackdown's ratings from Orton's reign of terror?

Yay, a video package with early 2000's nu-metal! Nostalgia makes it not suck anymore! :win: Oh, wait, it's for RVD. Hope the next time he points at himself he doesn't hear "ROB VAN DAM", he hears "Sierra, Hotel, India..." Shield beat his ass and he's never seen again. Dude makes Chavo look like Ziggler by comparison.

Man whoever's outside drunk and crying can shut the fuck up. Don't even wanna know, actually keep it up so I can hear you over Triple H talking... never mind, a performance review? Exposing Vickie gusta as the fraud she is? She can't deal with the Shield? She let Christian sit around for so long? HHH wanting Vickie to deal with the Shield? But... the Shield aren't really an invading force, they're just people on the roster now... So we're retroactively doing this again? Oh whatever it'll be enterBRYAN! YES! MAIN EVENT TIME! Screw whatever's the last match, Bryan is always the Main Event. Poor wittle insecure ol' Bryan. Everyone loves him except him. "The only team that matters to me is Team DB!" "Makes sense since you're being a DB" 1: Screw all the Kane lovers, he's epic in this role! Ooooh, "We lost because of Daniel Bryan, he is the weak link!" from Orton there. That was so harsh but so stupid of you, hell have no fury like a pissed off goat. Come on 2/3 falls! Lets see what the people backstage WWE Universe decided... No DQ. : Aww, but this'll be so good we'll want to see it three times! How dare you think that way with Cena and Ryback but not this.. oh, yeah, the "fans" voted for it. DANIEL BRYAN! *clap clap clap clap clap* DANIEL BRYAN! *clap clap clap clap clap* Someone just sent me a video with a cat chasing a duck.. focus, Rain, focus... where was I... Oh, yeah. DANIEL BRYAN! *clap clap clap clap clap* (Lets go Orton too but shhhh I only secretly like him) I'm looking forward to seeing Vickie trying to impress Stephanie :gusta: Bryan's heating up! Backflip. His crazy clothesline. Aries' dropkick. Bryan's dropkick. Two-count. I want a Pepsi. Yes. Yes. Yes. SUICIDE DIoh Orton you bastard, ask Barrett about that one. Commentary's having so much fun. Orton speaks weak but carries a big stick and is burying it into Bryan's belly button, want to make an X-Pac joke here butt that would be lame. Mark for signature moves that are never countered being countered. DDT counter into the No Lock, countered into a catapult, countered into hanging onto the ropes countered into a boot to the face that wasn't countered at all. Video's done, turns over to Dailymotion Video 3 and see an ArmorAll ad, is anyone not sponsoring Raw now? Ooh, tough fall, here's the doctors... Called off the match? BOO! WEAK! :sad: Orton had a nice Curtis Axel moment there, and how sweet, he's going to help poor D-Bry up and give him a hug... RKO? Don't do it Orton you son of a bitch... whew. Ahh so poor wittle Bryan is going to be okay, and the "All your doctors are diseased" part of Orton's song was very badly timed :haha:.

(Geez, that last paragraph was bad, trying to pull random stuff out of your ass while actually watching a fine match doesn't work that well

This Raw has been money, man. *Goes to fix taquitos to get a break, thanks Dailymotion! :win: So much better than live Raw.* Can't wait to see what's next... "LETS LIGHT IT UP, Light It Up, Light It Tonight" :facepalm1: God dammit, gotta stop having expectations :haha:. Based on recent history Kaitlyn's tears means she's going psychotic, or she's pregnant. One or the two. STOP FUCKING SKIPPING. Aww, your baby Ziggy won't be here? Nooooooo. DAMN YOU AND YOUR REALLY SMART BOOKING. THIS IS ANGERING ME IN THE SHORT TERM :why: We Want Ziggler. Generic heel stuff from AJ, she's so creepy in a "Now I know how you ladies feel when that bearded guy behind the library says you have nice hair" way. Open challenge, yawn, generic... Wait, Steph? Dammmmmnnnn what a swerve. She's not in wrestling gear, although we all appreciate you finding a low-cut suit so you can look all business-like while showing off your tits. It's like a mullet, except slightly less Blue. "Although I don't understand why you perpetuate this stereotype that women are caniving and psychotic, I mean what you did to Kaitlyn was degrading to women everywhere" Holy shit, how did Nazi's screams of glee during this segment not wake me up? Steph speaks the truth, jesus christ ANOTHER GREAT SEGMENT ON RAW! Dammit, I wanna take a shovel and bury something, but surely Steph's hubby will be back on later for that :tough:. "Do you remember who you're talking to I'm a McMahon..." Daaaaammmmmnnnnnn. Steph 1 AJ 0. Steph throws out the McMahon insults, Steph calls them overplayed. Steph 2 AJ 0. Keep this going guys 1: Steph > Brooke Hogan. Kaitlyn's boobs are leading the whole Divas' locker room out to the ring. In NXT Season 5 Kaitlyn was money on the mic, what happened to her... aww shit, Kaitlyn's doing a bad AJ impersonation, you are no Drew Carey. BOOBS! :happy: Yeah, lets just end on that and completely skip over AJ going back into crazy immature bitch mode. Lets not discuss that. At all.

Dean Ambrose vs Kane, because this didn't suck enough at Payback apparently. Hey, look, there's a new Black Ref. Ambrose reminds me of the one good thing about RVD, he has this unique selling style that was really entertaining when RVD actually sold for people. Luckily the similarities end there. Lets go Ambrose/Ambrose Sucks, so apparently everyone has a chant like thoh the match is over, and we get a new 3-on-1 assault, so long since we've seen a triple powerbomb. VICKIE TIME! Ambrose wants a mic? No, he wants the title :downer: You'd give ADR and AJ a mic but not Ambrose? OH HELL NO!

...never mind here's Ambrose running down Harpy backstage. Cool story, ooh, Vickie's about to fire Ambrose, and Crayo will have the weirdest boner ever seen... dammit, Vince saves Dean right when that was getting excited. So VKM is heel again? Thank goodness. "RUTHLESS AGGRESSION!" So Triple and Vince are torn on the Shield too? Whatever, at least they're fighting about young talent. "You know I never liked that halloween mask wearing freak" BRAY WYoh no he's talking about Kane. Shit. WYATT FAMILY PROMO #2! :yay: Looks like we're getting more Bray than App plugs. 10/10 raw if this keeps up. Every time he says "we're coming" I say "for you, smurf".

Zeb Colter going with Cesaro and letting it make sense. Then again his political character may as well flip-flop since that's what American political types do :haha: Aww shit here's fatass William Regal. MOOBS! :downer: Regal went all the way from Florida to Michigan just to job. What a trooper. *Stands and salutes* Wouldn't it be cool to see one more small title push for Regal? I mean he's done, but damn. It would be like Jerry Lawler back in 2011 except people would actually care. Dude's dealt with so much shit over his career. What the hell was that reverse-spike-piledriver into a spike? Damn, Cesaro, you crazy. Giant Swing Headlock into a dammit the video crashed... Into nothing. :sad: Could be a cool submission finisher. Neutralizer, thanks for coming William and this commentary is classic, covering the Confedarate flag over his opponents 1: This is so offensively hilarious.

Here's John Cena with the arrow pointing to his dick shirt and almost running into a technical guy, lol'ed. Can't see Cena backstage without imagining Riley behind the corner... HOLY COW WWE USED THE SCRATCH WWF LOGO IN THE RVD RETURN PROMO! HOW HARDCORE. I really don't care. So we're 2-for-2 on Wyatt Family Promos and RVD Promos, please don't keep that equal. Cena's music hits.

And then he says "It's monday! 1 more day until Tuesday :yay:" on the stage 1: The hell was that? Rebecca Black was years ago, buddy. After that ridiculousness I'll not fast-forward through this though pretty sure it'll be hell. Come on unintentional comedy! Avoid intentional comedy! You can't do it! STOP STANDING THERE. TALK. DO SOMETHING. "Over the years you admire your honesty" like hell you do. But with all the IWC-pleasing stuff tonight hearing him mention us is pretty cool. "There's the group who knows every time I step out here I go to war for them!" *Camera cuts away to a kid in a Ryback shirt* lol'ed. "I feel as good as I've ever felt and I can take care of any challenge" yeah, we know, we call you SuperCena for a reason. "Even if I look down and out and you try to cash in I'll always be ready" :haha: Yeah, we know buddy. Music plays, no interruptions? Aww well, not a bad promo regardOH YEAH HERE'S HENRY. OH BABY. SOMEBODY GONNA GET THEY ASS KICKED! He's running out in a pink suit since he couldn't find another one in his size. Putting down the boots... oh shit. Last "retirement" we saw was Edge's (Triple H's idiotic work retirement doesn't count) so there's no reason to believe it's legit... while I legit shed a tear. Man, I'm gonna miss hearing that theme, yelling "AWW SHIT", watching Dolph's and Crayo collectively cream themselves watching the Worlds Blackest Man make some jobber shit his pants in fear. He's smiling, breaking character... going into shoot mode... this really is it, isn't it? The end of one of the greatest heels we've seen in years... lease: Talking about the history... reminiscing... the crowd yelling "THANK YOU HENRY in respect. Joking about the coat. Wish he'd stop putting over Cena he could use the spotlight himself. ONE MORE MATCH! ONE MORE MATCH! Mark holds up the title like he never did, or Regal never did. Legit shed a tear there man. So touching, so emotional... this was this guy's dream but Father Time just wouldn't do the job. "And my wife, naw not Mae Young" 1: Baby I'm coming home, and this heartfelt speech has turned into one of glWORLD'S STRONGEST SLAM! AWW SHIT! 1: OH BABY! Marking! Laughing uncontrollably! YOU THINK IT'S THAT EASY! I GOT A LOT LEFT IN THE TANK! OH SHIT MARK's HERE TO STAY! :yay: : :woo: WATCH YO ASS. IT DO MATTER. MARK HENRY COMIN FOR YOU SUCKA! Oh hell yeah! ipebomb: GOAT/10 segment!

Aww shit, much to the shagrin of Triple H here's 3MB, ironically really smart to throw them here to give us a buffer after that gold we just witnessed. BREAK THE WALLS DOWN! Never mind the hits won't stop coming. Then again Fozzy might be the only group 3MB is better than. Drew Mcintyre banging Tiffany may have ruined his career but we all can agree it was worth it. Hey, look, Slater's getting in offense! :yay: The One-Man Band Bay-bay vs COME ON BAY-BAY aww, it's over.

So Curtis is booked for the show twice? Or was that just an inside joke between Vickie and Axel to screw over Wade? At least it feels like the GM wrote the show tonight. Damn, since when did Sin Cara become Curtis' personal bitch? When is Samuray Del Sol debuting? Did they re-do Axel's theme, because this is definitely the best version yet! Stop doing the Figure Four Miz. Really, the Cara lighting is back? Boo. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE WRASSLIN IN THE DARK? Axel's looking better than ever, doesn't look as green as he did just recently. He's getting a push and doing a damn good job of deserving it. Now if the booking would help him too. DDT finish? Meh, next.

"THIS SHOW IS OUT OF CONTROL! THIS SHOW IS A DISASTER!" Man, that's wrestling! This is fairly tame compared to when Vince was in charge, remember the Attitude Era? Oh, yeah, you're a McMahon. Of course you don't. And remember the Raw Walkout, when there was "OMG UNCONTROLLABLE CHAOS EVERY WEEK" when there really wasn't shit happening? Guess it's more crazy than that at least. Aww, sad vickie is sad, might wanna move your ears Steph. Meanwhile sensitive Heyman is sensative, he's sounding like such a mark fangirl it's hilarious. Yay, ADR, I get to bury something! He comes out to the same damn reaction he's been getting for 3 years now, not a damn thing. Ricardo's bucket is more over than you, ADR. If a great Mexican superstar walks out and nobody makes a sound, is he really a superstar? If ADR set an alarm clock to get up at 7 he'd probably get up around 9 because nothing makes noise around Del Rio. Meanwhile, it's clobbering time, the return of the Best in the World, yada yada all that shit. Is that Fred Durst at ringside? ADR being a little chickenshit bitch running around everywhere. ADR to concussions is like Axel and countouts apparently. Is everyone going to have their own silly match finish? It's two guys who want to go to sleep going up against each other. How odd is it that face Punk seems much more in-your-face and relentless? ADR back to the arm moves, he just can't help himself. He loves them arms. ADR going for the ripoff Si chants for heel heat lols, GO TO SLEEP TO DELRIO! And it actually looked good this time! Yeah, you get him Punk, he deserves it. Ricardo helping ADR out... wow, ADR having trouble moving along, is this the 15th concussion angle we have going on righOH SHIT ZIGGLER'S BACK! ZIGGLER FROM OUT OF NOWHERE WITH THE PROVERBIAL HOUSE OF FIRE AND HE GOT HIS PINK SHIRT BACK FROM WWE CREATIVE AND OH HELL HE'S ON A RAMPAGE AND TEARING ADR ap... oh shit. Dun, dun, da-da-dun. What is Brock doing out here... Heyman, you son of a bitch. You weren't being a horny fangirl after all, you were just being a pissed off female stereotype. Hey, Punk, you know it's a good idea to leave when Lesnar comes out, right? Usually not a good idea to stay in the ring with him. Giving Lesnar a mic now? Can't the invisible guy at ringside give someone who can talk the mic? What's he going to say? There's only a few seconds left... F-5 TO PUNK! HOLY SHIT DAVE MELTZER WAS RIGHT ABOUT SOMETHING! Arrive. F-5. Leave. Aww shit, WWE is on fire right now. Can't wait for Raw next week.

You made up for not being here. :notsure:But that was brilliant. :yay:

 

[Snowman1]

I seriously wonder how either of you people read all of that lmao

 

[Danielson]

You missed the sarcasm..

Oh

 

[GrammarNazi82]

I seriously wonder how either of you people read all of that lmao

When it's that entertaining and hilarious it's easy to soldier through. :haha:

I would make a comment about your tiny buried print to prove I read it all, but I'll be nice.