BREAKING NEWS
i've received a lot of offers this year that were immediately dismissed, but since i'm still in the holiday spirits, full of good cheer, i'm putting jarod "fundamentally fat" sullinger on the block as of this moment. u hear that, psych, u little cunt? ff is on the block, and for the right price, he could even belong to your bitch ass. the combo of being fat, and fundamentally sound is honestly unparalled in the nba, and ff embodies everything that entails. u want box outs? he knows how to use his excess weight to get perfect positioning for rebounds. u don't need to jump high when the other guy can't get to the ball. when he's on offense, u can't move him when he has his spot on the block, so he is a lock to catch it on the post 3 feet from the basket everytime. then his fundamentals kick in. the precise footwork, and picture perfect hook shots you'd find on drill tapes are a thing to see. u can't push him off, u can't stop him. there is a reason he does so well against the bigs in this league, he's smart, and he's fat. fundamentally fat.
i know some of u thought i was up to antics, that i was speaking from a fictional standpoint when i delivered this post to the office. if you're looking in the fiction section, well you're on the other wrong side of the store, because it's non fiction as it gets. he went out yesterday against supposedly the best big man in the league, anthony davis, and delivered a masterful 27-10 performance. go out and find me another big whose had as much success against davis this year. fundamentally fat is premier, and he can still be bought, if u work with me.