Wrestlicious debut review
For those of who don't know what this is I'll tell you. It was founded by some money mark black asshole and Jimmy Hart and is basically an updated version of GLOW.
So it starts out ,like most debut wrestling shows do, with a sketch. Jimmy Hart is doing dishes for some rich black asshole. And for the love of God they actually have a laugh track. We then cut to a rap video introducing some of the performers. How is this interesting? How is it entertaining? My God I'm actually getting stupider while watching this. There goes my college education. There went whatever 5 times 5 equals. There went my name don't remember it anymore.
So finally after that long drawn out horseshit we get yet another stupid sketch involving Candi Kisses. Finally we get a look inside the arena as Candy Kisses is out to perform for us. And...she's singing...a wrestling themed pop song. Well not so much singing as epically failing at lip syncing.
After the break we find out that at some point there will be a 20 girl over the top rope battle royal to crown the first champion. The first three participants are two hoes I don't really give a shit about and Lacey Von Erich.
Some chick who looks an awful lot like Lisa Kudrow is the spotlight girl of the week.
So 9+ minutes into the show we finally get our first match. Toni the top whogivesashit vs. Maui the Island Princess. And what do we get for our first match. A lockup, Toni pushes Maui to the corner, some boots to the midsection and a shitty looking Juvi Driver by Toni the top for the win. Time of the match: 50 seconds.
Rating: DUD
We then get two more sketches that would wind up on the cutting room floor of any second rate local cable access variety show. After that an announcement that there will be voting to determine the name of the battle royal. Our choices are Hard Justice (coughtnacough), Hoedown Throwdown (coughmileycyruscough) and some shit in spanish.
And it's main event time as Maria Toro, Bandida and Felony take on Tyler Texas, Cousin Cassie and Charlotte the southern cousin fucker. Cassie and Bandida start out. Cassie hairmares Bandida around the ring. Bandida with a shitty looking double leg drop. Cassie finally tags out to Tyler Texas who cleans house for about 15 seconds before getting triple teamed in the corner. Felony with a cravate that would make Chris Hero roll over in his still empty grave. After several minutes of playing Ricky Morton Texas hits a flying facebuster. Texas makes the hot tag to Charlotte who cleans house for all of about 20 seconds before getting hit from behind by Bandida with a vertical suplex as Felony picks up the pin. Time of the match: 8 minutes 4 seconds.
Match Rating: 1/2 a grenade and that's being really generous. The tag team psychology was there but the hot tag comeback was too short and the faces should have won to send people home happy.
Final Thoughts: So that was Wrestlicious. How does it hold up? It doens't. Because it's ASS. The skits are stupid, the gimmick names even stupider, and I don't know who the announcer is but he is without question the most annoying cockbag I've ever heard. This show sets women's wrestling back 20 years.
Overall Rating: It descends into Fuck You territory so quickly that it's almost laughable and that bumps it up to a some ol bullshit.
EDIT: This should no doubt prove it's me because nobody else would endure this torture lol.
For those of who don't know what this is I'll tell you. It was founded by some money mark black asshole and Jimmy Hart and is basically an updated version of GLOW.
So it starts out ,like most debut wrestling shows do, with a sketch. Jimmy Hart is doing dishes for some rich black asshole. And for the love of God they actually have a laugh track. We then cut to a rap video introducing some of the performers. How is this interesting? How is it entertaining? My God I'm actually getting stupider while watching this. There goes my college education. There went whatever 5 times 5 equals. There went my name don't remember it anymore.
So finally after that long drawn out horseshit we get yet another stupid sketch involving Candi Kisses. Finally we get a look inside the arena as Candy Kisses is out to perform for us. And...she's singing...a wrestling themed pop song. Well not so much singing as epically failing at lip syncing.
After the break we find out that at some point there will be a 20 girl over the top rope battle royal to crown the first champion. The first three participants are two hoes I don't really give a shit about and Lacey Von Erich.
Some chick who looks an awful lot like Lisa Kudrow is the spotlight girl of the week.
So 9+ minutes into the show we finally get our first match. Toni the top whogivesashit vs. Maui the Island Princess. And what do we get for our first match. A lockup, Toni pushes Maui to the corner, some boots to the midsection and a shitty looking Juvi Driver by Toni the top for the win. Time of the match: 50 seconds.
Rating: DUD
We then get two more sketches that would wind up on the cutting room floor of any second rate local cable access variety show. After that an announcement that there will be voting to determine the name of the battle royal. Our choices are Hard Justice (coughtnacough), Hoedown Throwdown (coughmileycyruscough) and some shit in spanish.
And it's main event time as Maria Toro, Bandida and Felony take on Tyler Texas, Cousin Cassie and Charlotte the southern cousin fucker. Cassie and Bandida start out. Cassie hairmares Bandida around the ring. Bandida with a shitty looking double leg drop. Cassie finally tags out to Tyler Texas who cleans house for about 15 seconds before getting triple teamed in the corner. Felony with a cravate that would make Chris Hero roll over in his still empty grave. After several minutes of playing Ricky Morton Texas hits a flying facebuster. Texas makes the hot tag to Charlotte who cleans house for all of about 20 seconds before getting hit from behind by Bandida with a vertical suplex as Felony picks up the pin. Time of the match: 8 minutes 4 seconds.
Match Rating: 1/2 a grenade and that's being really generous. The tag team psychology was there but the hot tag comeback was too short and the faces should have won to send people home happy.
Final Thoughts: So that was Wrestlicious. How does it hold up? It doens't. Because it's ASS. The skits are stupid, the gimmick names even stupider, and I don't know who the announcer is but he is without question the most annoying cockbag I've ever heard. This show sets women's wrestling back 20 years.
Overall Rating: It descends into Fuck You territory so quickly that it's almost laughable and that bumps it up to a some ol bullshit.
EDIT: This should no doubt prove it's me because nobody else would endure this torture lol.