Northern Skies Smart Mark Review - Uncensored 2000
- Live from The American Airlines Arena in Miami, Florida.
- Commentary team of Tony, Bobby, and Mike.
- They REALLY want us to know there's going to be ten matches. I smell a big-time swerve~! where we only end up having nine matches. All of them are wacky gimmicks including a Grandma's Kitchen Street Fight (where you have to ask why Grandma is cooking outdoors) alongside some other more regular gimmicky match types like Ladders, First Blood, and NO DQ. At this point we would benefit knowing which matches ARE DQ.
- Cruiserweight Title Ladder Match: LA Parka (c) vs. Chavo Guerrero --> Los Villanos and Super Cali rep the C.A.L.P merch and to back up Chavo, LA Parka just needs a chair. Lots of interference that Parka can overcome, and lots of really fun spots actually involving the ladder, so kudos there. The dropkick onto the wobbly ladder was wild as Parka could have landed anywhere, but then they one-up it immediately with a moonsault ladder spot taking out the entire heely crew. LA Parka's weight gets brought into it, which actually makes sense for the finish, as both men tire, Chavo is just able to fight against the pull of gravity with more ease. Chavo grabs the belt, La Parka looked like a million bucks, and they open the door for a potential rematch down the road. ***1/2 - Really good match to open the show, some creative spots, and everyone came out of it looking good.
- David Flair shows up and whenever you tease Ric, you're low balling me with David. Basically he wants to show up in a limousine, because that's what Flair's do I guess.
- JJ drops a Chekhov's Gun on us demanding nobody gets pinned, although I don't know if KroniK ever learned a submission during their time at the Power Plant. Guess we'll find out, NEXT!
- Kronik vs. The Harris Brothers --> Ron and Don get that x-pac heat, but it works perfectly for Kronik who are over like rover. They've barely been here 3 weeks and already the crowd are liking what they're dishing out. We get some sand in the eyes and I immediately check my calendar to ensure it's not suddenly 1973 again. Clarke ducks the sand, the referee gets nailed in the eyes, and calls for the DQ. KroniK win and they even beat up fifty-one year old Col. Robert Parker - heck, if The Dudleyz could put Mae Young through a table six days ago, this is more than okay. * - JJ's foreshadowing meant this was rather predictable and this one could have ended with a variety of finishes that would have worked better, but it does leave a rematch open. Also, if someone can tell me where Parker got his gimmicked shoes to blow off like that, hook me up.
- Hardcore Title: Meng (c) vs. David Flair and Crowbar w/ Daffney. David Flair continues to drive around and MENG SNATCHES HIM. Oh my. I hope from here we find out that the reason Meng is hanging out with the referee's is that really that's all he ever wanted to be. A WCW referee. Of course that wont happen, he's just the kinda guy who's in the right place at the right time. Apparently this starts the Hardcore Title handicap match, so it's really fortunate that they were at the referee's gaff. Lots of car on human violence, Crowbar uses his crowbar and hits stuff, and Crowbar actually gets thrown through the windshield of a full speed limousine and somehow didn't die. Flair pepper sprays Crowbar who tases Flair, BUT THEY DIDNT REALISE!! Meng stacks them up, gets the win, and then he steals the limo. 1/2* - This was wacky and totally bonkers but in true WCW style the overbooking became a clusterfuck and the finish was outrageous. I'm hoping for a Meng the referee storyline in the near future or else nearly murdering Crowbar on Pay Per View wasn't worth it.
- The announcers say Flair hasn't lived up to his father's name there, which feels harsh, but the bar has been set pretty high.
- Paulie flirts with Miss Hancock, who can blame him, and then VK Stock tries to convince him to turn on his nephew but, yep, you guessed it, HE AINT NO RAT!
- Ahh yes the TV Title Tournament which, to be fair, has been thoroughly excellent, will come to end tonight as Buff Bagwell (accompanied by JUDY) will face Billy Kidman and he takes the opportunity to tell Torrie to be with a real man. Good way to get the heat.
- TV Title: Billy Kidman vs Buff Bagwell --> Arn Anderson keeps the belt company at ringside throughout this one. Some really good near-falls and the crowd were super into it, which is not something we see for Billy Kidman matches. No powerbomb attempt on Kidman because Bagwell knows you can't powerbomb Billy, but Evan Karagias commits sexual assault on the outside onto Torrie, so she slaps him, and he sells it like he's been shot with a pump action and rebounds into the ropes. Kidman gets crotched, my eyes roll, HANGAMN DDT. Kidman is out cold but Buff decides that's not enough so he goes up top, waits an eternity for Kidman to get up, and then hits the Blockbuster. ** - I assume they mixed the finish up, but either way this was a solid match that allows them to have Kidman/Karagias as a program, and Bagwell can do his thing with the TV Title.
- NITRO COLOGNE IS A THING. If only Karagias was watching this on cable he might have a chance of getting a woman without breaking the law.
- We get the usual 'sold out' promo, which is immediately thrown into question when the back of the arena is shrouded in darkness. I haven't got the attendance figures, but unless they started giving tickets away outside the Arena earlier today, the projected numbers last week were somewhere over half full. It leads straight into a promo for Spring Stampede, so that explains why they wanted to bump the numbers for tonight.
- US Title: Jeff Jarrett (c) vs. Booker T vs. Shane Douglas vs. Ken Shamrock --> The sensible prediction here is JJ cheats to win, but I also like the way they've handled Booker T over the past few weeks, so perhaps that's a program worth exploring. JJ does his impression of a kid on prom night and busts out the Guitar Spot early. Shamrock gets nailed and sells it like a dream for all of three seconds before rolling JJ over with ground and pound. Lots of near-falls here, which seems to be exactly what the audience ordered as they get super into this one which adds to the atmosphere of the match. This almost descends into chaos at one point before it gets pulled back together for the finish. Col. Parker shakes off the KroniK attack and uses the rest of THE SAND they had from earlier, blinding Shamrock. Shamrock no-sells the sand and kills Parker on the outside. This company hate old people, unless you made your name in the WWF of course. My dreams are crushed when Stevie Ray attacks Booker with a tire iron, Douglas tries to pin him but gets put in an ankle lock by Ken, who takes ANOTHER GUITAR SHOT (where were they hiding that one?) and then pins Booker T for the win. **1/2 - Overbooked and crazy but the crowd were super into it and the heat JJ got for retaining was massive. He could main event with that kind of heat.
- Grandma's Kitchen Street Fight is next, VK gets some good heat, the crowd are loving shouting abuse at him. I don't know why they want to call a Singapore Cane a Roman Cane, isn't that cultural appropriation? Somebody's going to social jail! More chaotic madness occurs, and I'm left wondering when the wrestling is going to resume, because this one is spot after spot after spot, and therefore none of the individual moments really standout against the background noise. The laptop build was probably my favourite if I had to pick one, but maybe thats because I'm a mark for Miss Hancock. The Outfit win after a top rope leg drop onto VK Stock through a table, and all four of them pin VK simultaneously. - * for Miss Hancock and her laptop.
- Kidman attacks Karagias backstage, which seems fair. Torrie seems to be the catalyst amongst all of this, and she briefly tends to Evan before leaving with Kidman.
- First Blood Tag team Titles Match: Sting & Vampiro (c) vs. The Outsiders (Nash & Hall) w/ Luger. Prep the Vaseline boys. Nash and Hall go full heel mode and jump the champions from the off. Nash is full of psychology as he tries to reopen the 17 staples on Vampiro's forehead, but Vampiro is too quick for Big Daddy Cool. Sting and Vampiro sadly play the "do wrestling moves" babyfaces whilst Nash and Hall go for nothing but head shots. It is a first blood match after all - although I guess you could try and stab them with a nail or something in the shoulder and break the skin? Oh wait, no, we get a stereo Jacknife Powerbomb and Outsider's Edge which is a really cool visual, but neither are very facially focussed. Anyway, incase you didn't know from the pre-match promo, Luger turns babyface, screws The Outsider's, and despite both Hall and Vampiro getting busted open AT THE SAME TIME, the referee only saw Hall bleeding and he calls for the bell. The babyface's retain. Luger turns on The Outsider's, and this story MUST CONTINUE. **1/2 - a few psychology issues aside, this was done well and whilst Luger getting beat down in the Parking Lot after was a shame, this was solid storytelling and the fans got the babyface win they wanted, whilst also giving the heels an excuse since both men were bleeding.
- Solid JJ Promo, he knows what he wants and he gon' get it!
- Phanton vs. Alex Wright --> Obligatory pre-main event squash match on Phantom's debut with a win inside a minute. - N/A
- Tony Marinara and Chavo as a future feud? Suits me.
- Nash and Hall, never ones to do the job without immediately getting the heat back, make Luger look dumb when they attack him and lay him out with a Jacknife on the parking lot's concrete floor. Don't turn your back on the wolfpack. They shout a warning to Bret Hart.
- Wild and fun Steiner's promo, love both of them. Heels they may be, but damnit if they aren't entertaining.
- No DQ Tag Match: Sid Vicious & Macho Man vs. The Steiner's --> More chaos and I think I'm ready for bed, I have had too much adrenaline for one evening! This one is all action and Randy Savage sells like it's 1991 and he's getting beat down by the Ultimate Warrior for half an hour. However, this time he takes the beating but after a Sid Powerbomb on Rick Steiner, Savage follows up with the beautiful Top Rope Flying Elbow Drop and as Steiner slides in to break up the hold with a lead pipe, he's too late! Sid Vicious and Macho Man win. How does one respond? By blasting Lil Naitch with a German Suplex. *** - The Steiner's are probably the best in the world right now in tag team action, and whilst this was a bit all over the place, they made it work.
- Vampiro and Kanyon get groomed by Father James. Sting aint buying it, but the other two seem interested. Not another turn on this show?
- WCW World Title: Goldberg (c) vs. Diamond Dallas Page w/ Kimberly --> Damn, Michael Buffer's introductions always make everything feel like a real deal main event. Adds a touch of class to proceedings. Kimberly slaps Goldberg and DDP gets the advantage, but you know how this one goes. Spear. Jackhammer. Cover. Goldberg wins. JJ shows up after the match and attacks Goldberg WITH ANOTHER GUITAR. I hope none of those were custom made. The show goes off the air as JJ stands tall, clearly intent on capturing the WCW World Title too. *** - The right booking, Page bumped like a madman, Kimberly did her part, Goldberg went over, and a new challenger was established all in one go. The shine is slightly taken off by all the interference all night, but this worked really well.
The Bottom Line: Overall the show was a success despite some moments of booking insanity where it seemed like two or three different things were trying to be put across at once, minimising all three, rather than being greater as a whole. Goldberg vs Jeff Jarrett is fun, although surely just another notch in Goldberg's belt.
---
Note: All comments are given in-character in the above review. I really liked the show, it's clear you've got a handle on the absolute chaos of what WCW was like back then, and I respect you for not just changing it wholesale and pretending that it wasn't the wild wild west with a million ideas everywhere. Overtime I hope we move away from the sheer volume of overbooking, but this was a wild ride of a show and kudos to you for being able to book and write it. Really enjoyed that.
- Live from The American Airlines Arena in Miami, Florida.
- Commentary team of Tony, Bobby, and Mike.
- They REALLY want us to know there's going to be ten matches. I smell a big-time swerve~! where we only end up having nine matches. All of them are wacky gimmicks including a Grandma's Kitchen Street Fight (where you have to ask why Grandma is cooking outdoors) alongside some other more regular gimmicky match types like Ladders, First Blood, and NO DQ. At this point we would benefit knowing which matches ARE DQ.
- Cruiserweight Title Ladder Match: LA Parka (c) vs. Chavo Guerrero --> Los Villanos and Super Cali rep the C.A.L.P merch and to back up Chavo, LA Parka just needs a chair. Lots of interference that Parka can overcome, and lots of really fun spots actually involving the ladder, so kudos there. The dropkick onto the wobbly ladder was wild as Parka could have landed anywhere, but then they one-up it immediately with a moonsault ladder spot taking out the entire heely crew. LA Parka's weight gets brought into it, which actually makes sense for the finish, as both men tire, Chavo is just able to fight against the pull of gravity with more ease. Chavo grabs the belt, La Parka looked like a million bucks, and they open the door for a potential rematch down the road. ***1/2 - Really good match to open the show, some creative spots, and everyone came out of it looking good.
- David Flair shows up and whenever you tease Ric, you're low balling me with David. Basically he wants to show up in a limousine, because that's what Flair's do I guess.
- JJ drops a Chekhov's Gun on us demanding nobody gets pinned, although I don't know if KroniK ever learned a submission during their time at the Power Plant. Guess we'll find out, NEXT!
- Kronik vs. The Harris Brothers --> Ron and Don get that x-pac heat, but it works perfectly for Kronik who are over like rover. They've barely been here 3 weeks and already the crowd are liking what they're dishing out. We get some sand in the eyes and I immediately check my calendar to ensure it's not suddenly 1973 again. Clarke ducks the sand, the referee gets nailed in the eyes, and calls for the DQ. KroniK win and they even beat up fifty-one year old Col. Robert Parker - heck, if The Dudleyz could put Mae Young through a table six days ago, this is more than okay. * - JJ's foreshadowing meant this was rather predictable and this one could have ended with a variety of finishes that would have worked better, but it does leave a rematch open. Also, if someone can tell me where Parker got his gimmicked shoes to blow off like that, hook me up.
- Hardcore Title: Meng (c) vs. David Flair and Crowbar w/ Daffney. David Flair continues to drive around and MENG SNATCHES HIM. Oh my. I hope from here we find out that the reason Meng is hanging out with the referee's is that really that's all he ever wanted to be. A WCW referee. Of course that wont happen, he's just the kinda guy who's in the right place at the right time. Apparently this starts the Hardcore Title handicap match, so it's really fortunate that they were at the referee's gaff. Lots of car on human violence, Crowbar uses his crowbar and hits stuff, and Crowbar actually gets thrown through the windshield of a full speed limousine and somehow didn't die. Flair pepper sprays Crowbar who tases Flair, BUT THEY DIDNT REALISE!! Meng stacks them up, gets the win, and then he steals the limo. 1/2* - This was wacky and totally bonkers but in true WCW style the overbooking became a clusterfuck and the finish was outrageous. I'm hoping for a Meng the referee storyline in the near future or else nearly murdering Crowbar on Pay Per View wasn't worth it.
- The announcers say Flair hasn't lived up to his father's name there, which feels harsh, but the bar has been set pretty high.
- Paulie flirts with Miss Hancock, who can blame him, and then VK Stock tries to convince him to turn on his nephew but, yep, you guessed it, HE AINT NO RAT!
- Ahh yes the TV Title Tournament which, to be fair, has been thoroughly excellent, will come to end tonight as Buff Bagwell (accompanied by JUDY) will face Billy Kidman and he takes the opportunity to tell Torrie to be with a real man. Good way to get the heat.
- TV Title: Billy Kidman vs Buff Bagwell --> Arn Anderson keeps the belt company at ringside throughout this one. Some really good near-falls and the crowd were super into it, which is not something we see for Billy Kidman matches. No powerbomb attempt on Kidman because Bagwell knows you can't powerbomb Billy, but Evan Karagias commits sexual assault on the outside onto Torrie, so she slaps him, and he sells it like he's been shot with a pump action and rebounds into the ropes. Kidman gets crotched, my eyes roll, HANGAMN DDT. Kidman is out cold but Buff decides that's not enough so he goes up top, waits an eternity for Kidman to get up, and then hits the Blockbuster. ** - I assume they mixed the finish up, but either way this was a solid match that allows them to have Kidman/Karagias as a program, and Bagwell can do his thing with the TV Title.
- NITRO COLOGNE IS A THING. If only Karagias was watching this on cable he might have a chance of getting a woman without breaking the law.
- We get the usual 'sold out' promo, which is immediately thrown into question when the back of the arena is shrouded in darkness. I haven't got the attendance figures, but unless they started giving tickets away outside the Arena earlier today, the projected numbers last week were somewhere over half full. It leads straight into a promo for Spring Stampede, so that explains why they wanted to bump the numbers for tonight.
- US Title: Jeff Jarrett (c) vs. Booker T vs. Shane Douglas vs. Ken Shamrock --> The sensible prediction here is JJ cheats to win, but I also like the way they've handled Booker T over the past few weeks, so perhaps that's a program worth exploring. JJ does his impression of a kid on prom night and busts out the Guitar Spot early. Shamrock gets nailed and sells it like a dream for all of three seconds before rolling JJ over with ground and pound. Lots of near-falls here, which seems to be exactly what the audience ordered as they get super into this one which adds to the atmosphere of the match. This almost descends into chaos at one point before it gets pulled back together for the finish. Col. Parker shakes off the KroniK attack and uses the rest of THE SAND they had from earlier, blinding Shamrock. Shamrock no-sells the sand and kills Parker on the outside. This company hate old people, unless you made your name in the WWF of course. My dreams are crushed when Stevie Ray attacks Booker with a tire iron, Douglas tries to pin him but gets put in an ankle lock by Ken, who takes ANOTHER GUITAR SHOT (where were they hiding that one?) and then pins Booker T for the win. **1/2 - Overbooked and crazy but the crowd were super into it and the heat JJ got for retaining was massive. He could main event with that kind of heat.
- Grandma's Kitchen Street Fight is next, VK gets some good heat, the crowd are loving shouting abuse at him. I don't know why they want to call a Singapore Cane a Roman Cane, isn't that cultural appropriation? Somebody's going to social jail! More chaotic madness occurs, and I'm left wondering when the wrestling is going to resume, because this one is spot after spot after spot, and therefore none of the individual moments really standout against the background noise. The laptop build was probably my favourite if I had to pick one, but maybe thats because I'm a mark for Miss Hancock. The Outfit win after a top rope leg drop onto VK Stock through a table, and all four of them pin VK simultaneously. - * for Miss Hancock and her laptop.
- Kidman attacks Karagias backstage, which seems fair. Torrie seems to be the catalyst amongst all of this, and she briefly tends to Evan before leaving with Kidman.
- First Blood Tag team Titles Match: Sting & Vampiro (c) vs. The Outsiders (Nash & Hall) w/ Luger. Prep the Vaseline boys. Nash and Hall go full heel mode and jump the champions from the off. Nash is full of psychology as he tries to reopen the 17 staples on Vampiro's forehead, but Vampiro is too quick for Big Daddy Cool. Sting and Vampiro sadly play the "do wrestling moves" babyfaces whilst Nash and Hall go for nothing but head shots. It is a first blood match after all - although I guess you could try and stab them with a nail or something in the shoulder and break the skin? Oh wait, no, we get a stereo Jacknife Powerbomb and Outsider's Edge which is a really cool visual, but neither are very facially focussed. Anyway, incase you didn't know from the pre-match promo, Luger turns babyface, screws The Outsider's, and despite both Hall and Vampiro getting busted open AT THE SAME TIME, the referee only saw Hall bleeding and he calls for the bell. The babyface's retain. Luger turns on The Outsider's, and this story MUST CONTINUE. **1/2 - a few psychology issues aside, this was done well and whilst Luger getting beat down in the Parking Lot after was a shame, this was solid storytelling and the fans got the babyface win they wanted, whilst also giving the heels an excuse since both men were bleeding.
- Solid JJ Promo, he knows what he wants and he gon' get it!
- Phanton vs. Alex Wright --> Obligatory pre-main event squash match on Phantom's debut with a win inside a minute. - N/A
- Tony Marinara and Chavo as a future feud? Suits me.
- Nash and Hall, never ones to do the job without immediately getting the heat back, make Luger look dumb when they attack him and lay him out with a Jacknife on the parking lot's concrete floor. Don't turn your back on the wolfpack. They shout a warning to Bret Hart.
- Wild and fun Steiner's promo, love both of them. Heels they may be, but damnit if they aren't entertaining.
- No DQ Tag Match: Sid Vicious & Macho Man vs. The Steiner's --> More chaos and I think I'm ready for bed, I have had too much adrenaline for one evening! This one is all action and Randy Savage sells like it's 1991 and he's getting beat down by the Ultimate Warrior for half an hour. However, this time he takes the beating but after a Sid Powerbomb on Rick Steiner, Savage follows up with the beautiful Top Rope Flying Elbow Drop and as Steiner slides in to break up the hold with a lead pipe, he's too late! Sid Vicious and Macho Man win. How does one respond? By blasting Lil Naitch with a German Suplex. *** - The Steiner's are probably the best in the world right now in tag team action, and whilst this was a bit all over the place, they made it work.
- Vampiro and Kanyon get groomed by Father James. Sting aint buying it, but the other two seem interested. Not another turn on this show?
- WCW World Title: Goldberg (c) vs. Diamond Dallas Page w/ Kimberly --> Damn, Michael Buffer's introductions always make everything feel like a real deal main event. Adds a touch of class to proceedings. Kimberly slaps Goldberg and DDP gets the advantage, but you know how this one goes. Spear. Jackhammer. Cover. Goldberg wins. JJ shows up after the match and attacks Goldberg WITH ANOTHER GUITAR. I hope none of those were custom made. The show goes off the air as JJ stands tall, clearly intent on capturing the WCW World Title too. *** - The right booking, Page bumped like a madman, Kimberly did her part, Goldberg went over, and a new challenger was established all in one go. The shine is slightly taken off by all the interference all night, but this worked really well.
The Bottom Line: Overall the show was a success despite some moments of booking insanity where it seemed like two or three different things were trying to be put across at once, minimising all three, rather than being greater as a whole. Goldberg vs Jeff Jarrett is fun, although surely just another notch in Goldberg's belt.
---
Note: All comments are given in-character in the above review. I really liked the show, it's clear you've got a handle on the absolute chaos of what WCW was like back then, and I respect you for not just changing it wholesale and pretending that it wasn't the wild wild west with a million ideas everywhere. Overtime I hope we move away from the sheer volume of overbooking, but this was a wild ride of a show and kudos to you for being able to book and write it. Really enjoyed that.
