WCW RETURNS! RAW vs. SD! vs. ECW vs. WCW vs. ESWSP

[ndqw]

3/26/01 – MONDAY NIGHT NITRO

“Hey Dad, you think you bought WCW, but I actually did!â€￾

“NOOOOO!â€￾

“And we are going to attack the WWF!â€￾

“NOOOOO!â€￾


11/18/01 – SURVIVOR SERIES 2001

“You’re going down cookie puss!â€￾

“What?â€￾

The Rock hits Stone Cold with a Rock Bottom! The Rock gets the pin!

“TEAM WWF WINS THEY TAKE IT ALL! BAH GAWD,â€￾ shouts Jim Ross!


6/11/07 – MONDAY NIGHT RAW

Vince McMahon gets in a limo.

BOOMCRASHBOOM!

“OH NO VINCENT KENNEDY MCMAHON’S LIMO JUST BLEW TO SMITHEREENS, BAH GAWD,â€￾ shouts Jim Ross!

“Dogs,â€￾ says Jerry Lawler.

“Hey everyone next week we are having a memorial for my dead dad,â€￾ says Stephanie McMahon!


6/18/07 – MONDAY NIGHT RAW – VINCE MCMAHON’S VIDEO WILL

“Hey, I’m Vince McMahon and if you are watching this it means I’m dead.â€￾

Stephanie, Shane, and Triple H start crying.

“STOP CRYING! Now I’m going to tell you who gets my stuff! I am giving my baseball card collection to Shane,â€￾

“Yes!â€￾ shouts Shane, “In your face Hunter!â€￾

“I want John Cena to have my car! I guess Linda can have the other stuff!â€￾

“So we get nothing?â€￾ asks Stephanie to Trips, but Trips tells her to shut the flip up.

“I’m giving the keys to my Time Machine to Edge, if someone kills their family, Edge, I expect you to fix it no matter what,â€￾

“Time Machine, eh?â€￾ says Edge because he is Canadian

“Okay, I’m just going to cut to the chase, wrestling is really boring now, so I want to spice things up. I’m going to be honest here I don’t give a flipping ship what the flip happens to this piece of ship anymore since I’m dead, so, I decided to give the rights to the WCW name and all that ship to the one man who made WCW great, and the only reason I have it in the first place. Will Shane McMahon please step forward? NOW BEND OVER AND KISS THE ROCK’S ACE CAUSE I PICK HIM TO RUN WCWâ€￾

“NOOOOO!â€￾ shouts Shane, “I wanted to be the WCW guy,â€￾

“Isn’t that joke funny? It was on a George Lopez Show episode that hasn’t even been produced yet, it’s historically inaccurate but I don’t give three flips. I’m going to give the rights to ECW to, well the one guy who made ECW cool back in the 90s the new owner of ECW will be Ric Flair!â€￾

“WOOO!â€￾

“That means we get WWE, right Vince?â€￾ asks Trips really nicely.

“No, flip you, the new CEO of WWE is one of the guys that made WWE what it is today. The best WWE champion to ever wrestle ever. The new owner will be THE UNDERTAKER!â€￾

Undertaker walks in, he looks scary and pleased.

“I’ve decided that WWE means Raw, so I’ll let Triple H run Smackdown!â€￾ says Vince.

“Oh, we can run it as a team honey,â€￾ says Steph, but Triple H shakes his head and tells her to do crunches because she is getting fat.

“And, I will have a fifth brand called EXPLOSION SUPER WRESTLING SIBLING POWER, I want my kids to run that one together as a team.â€￾

“Stop touching me SHANE!â€￾ yells Steph, “Go play with your baseball cards,â€￾

“Okay there is going to be a draft next week and everyone will have awesome rosters, no matter what, even if someone dies, EDGE! Remember to fix it if someone kills their family and offs themselves,â€￾ orders McMahon

“I’ll do my best, eh.â€￾


6/25/07 – MONDAY NIGHT RAW – THE DRAFT

Triple H, Stephanie McMahon and Shane McMahon, The Rock, The Undertaker, and Ric Flair all stand at a table wearing suits. A video of Vincent McMahon appears on the ceiling.

“WELCOME TO THE DRAFT, AS OF NOW, all the title belts have been vacated. Each brand will have seven titles, and each brand will have a special rule for the draft or how the brand must be run. ESWSP’s rule is they get two draft picks each time they pick, but the wrestlers must be siblings. WCW’s rule is that every match must have a title on the line. ECW’s rule is that every match must be an EXTREME RULES OR LADDER MATCH. Raw’s rule is that you can only draft wrestlers under the age of 30. And Smackdown’s rule will be that it has 2 more titles than everyone else, and it must have 3 title matches on every show.â€￾

Triple H slams his fist on the table, he is mad that he has more titles!

“Now I will give you 3 hours to meet with smart people and people you know to make up title names, at the end of those three hours I want you to meet here and announce your title names, then I’ll make more announcements and the draft can begin.â€￾

3 hours pass and everyone comes back to the room, with sheets of paper that have the names of the titles.

“OKAY NOW THAT YOU ARE ALL BACK I WANT THE ROCK TO NAME HIS BELTS FIRST! Just a rule of thumb the most important title goes in all caps,â€￾

“The Rock, made a list of cool titles that will be in WCW,â€￾ says The Rock, and then he lists off the seven championships. His list follows.

WCW Brahma Bull Championship
WCW Jabroni Championship
WCW Supernova Championship
WCW Lightningweight Championship
WCW Finally Championship
WCW Rock and Sock Championship
WCW SUPER COOKIE PUSS ROCK BOTTOM JABRONI MEGA CHAMPIONSHIP

“Those are good championships, I want ESWSP to go next, I expect good title names from my children.â€￾

Shane starts to list the names but Stephanie shoves him and starts listing the names herself. They follow.

ESWSP Undisputed Tag Team Championship
ESWSP Fire Championship
ESWSP Mixed Tag Team Championship
ESWSP White Horse Championship
ESWSP SIBLING RIVALRY CHAMPIONSHIP
ESWSP Ladies Championship
ESWSP Men’s Championship

“Now I want to hear Taker’s titles,â€￾

Taker said the names of Raw’s Titles.

RAW World Championship
RAW Tag Team Championship
RAW Intercontinental Championship
RAW European Championship
RAW United States Championship
RAW Tombstone Championship
RAW REST IN PIECE CHAMPIONSHIP

“Cool, now Flair I want to hear your belts,â€￾

“WOOO!â€￾

Ric Flair then listed the ECW Titles.

ECW Tag Team Championships
ECW Television Championship
ECW United States Championship
ECW Four Horseman Championship
ECW Ladder Match Championship
ECW Extreme Rules Match Championship
ECW WORLD CHAMPIONSHIP

“Last and least, Hunter’s championships,â€￾ says VKM!

Triple H slams his hand on the table, he is mad that it is his turn! Then he lists his titles.

SD! WRESTLEMANIA XIX CHAMPIONSHIP
SD! WrestleMania 18 Championship
SD! WrestleMania 2000 Championship
SD! WrestleMania XIV Championship
SD! WrestleMania 13 Championship
SD! Pedigree Championship
SD! This Business Championship
SD! Degeneration-X Championship
SD! Buried Championship

“Now that all the titles have been named will Edge please step forward!â€￾

Edge steps forward!

“Edge, use the time machine and take these people to June 1st 2013 and we will continue the draft then,â€￾

Triple H slams his fist on the table!

“I like this time! What will happen in seven years without me, Vince? Did you think of that Vince?â€￾ shouts Triple H.

Vince doesn’t answer because he is a tape and he can’t answer questions. He is dead because his limo blew up.

“I am the best wrestler in all of wrestling!â€￾ says Triple H as he slams his fist on the desk.

The Rock tells Triple H to shut up so Triple H challenges him to a fight!

“Let’s go hamster style right now home dog! Smackdown is going to rip WCW a new one in the acehole!â€￾

“You are a jabroni piece of poopy! I AM THE ROCK RAWR ROCK!â€￾

“I have a lot of money take that!â€￾

“Well I am in movies! Ever seen The Toothfairy?â€￾

“That’s not even in the theaters yet, so no punk ship mouth I haven’t!â€￾

“Well you should, I act in it, flip head!â€￾

“I’m going to hit you with a sledgehammer or my finisher!â€￾

“You have a cookie Plessy, I bet your name stands for Humper Humpy Humpface because you remind me of a dog ropist!â€￾

“Well I think you are gee!â€￾

“I know you are gee because you sucked my big black cook,â€￾

“Yeah but you liked it gee lord,â€￾

“No I didn’t,â€￾

“Yeah you did,â€￾

“No I didn’t,â€￾

“Yeah you did,â€￾

“No I didn’t,â€￾

“Yeah you did,â€￾

“No I didn’t,â€￾

“Yeah you did,â€￾

“No I didn’t,â€￾

“Yeah you did,â€￾

“No I didn’t,â€￾

“Yeah you did,â€￾

“No I didn’t,â€￾

“Yeah you did,â€￾

“No I didn’t,â€￾

“Yeah you did,â€￾

“No I didn’t,â€￾

“Yeah you did,â€￾

“No I didn’t,â€￾

“Yeah you did,â€￾

“No I didn’t,â€￾

“Yeah you did,â€￾

“No I didn’t,â€￾

“Yeah you did,â€￾

“No I didn’t,â€￾

“Yeah you did,â€￾

“So what, there ain’t nothing wrong with being gee,â€￾

“Yeah there is, you people can never beat me because people like you aren’t winners!â€￾

“I’ve won title belts, beach face,â€￾

“No you haven’t those were imaginary brass rings,â€￾

“No they weren’t,â€￾

“They are because I say they are punk! This is a blood feud, I’m going to legit kill you in a wrestling match,â€￾

“Go rub oil on your chest and have your husband rub your pig back then,â€￾

“Come on Steph do what Rock says,â€￾

Steph starts rubbing Triple H’s pig’s back.

“We’re going to be late to the future if you guys don’t hurry the flip up, eh,â€￾ says Edge because he is Canadian.

All the GMs and Edge go into the time machine and go to June 1st 2013.


6/1/13 – Saturday before CLASH OF THE BRANDS

“Okay now that we are in the future we can start THE DRAFT!â€￾ shouts VKM from the ceiling!

Triple H slams his fist on the table. “I don’t like the future!â€￾

“Okay Steph and Shane get their two picks first,â€￾ says Mr. McMahon.

“We pick Cody Rhodes and Goldust!â€￾ says Shane.

“Triple H gets pick #2,â€￾

“I pick my best friend Shawn Michaels!â€￾ says Triple H as he slams his fist on the table!

“’Taker’s turn, remember, younger than 30!â€￾

“I don’t know anyone under 30,â€￾ says Undertaker, but Triple H tells him to shut the flip up and pick someone! So he picks Seth Rollins!

“Okay Rock’s Turn!â€￾

“I pick John Cena!â€￾

“Flair!â€￾

“Terry Funk, wooo!â€￾

The GMs kept drafting here are their rosters!

ESWSP:
Shane McMahon (General Manager)
Stephanie McMahon (General Manager)
Cody Rhodes
Goldust
Brie Bella
Nikki Bella
Dolph Ziggler
Briley Pierce
Edge
Christian
Jey Uso
Jimmy Uso
Primo
Carlito
Brett DiBiase
Ted DiBiase
Alicia Fox
Cameron Lynn
Paul Burchill
Katie Lea Burchill
Hannah Blossom
Holly Blossom
Mark Briscoe
Jay Briscoe
Robbie McAllister
Rory McAllister
Nick Jackson
Matt Jackson
David Flair
Charlotte Flair
Zak Zodiac
Zebra Kid
Sim Snuka
Tamina Snuka
Doug Basham
Danny Basham
Chuck Taylor
Brian Cage-Taylor
Rick Steiner
Scott Steiner
Roderick Strong
Sedrick Strong
El Hijo Del Ice Cream
Ice Cream Jr.


SD!:
Triple H (General Manager)
Shawn Michaels
Daniel Bryan
Kane
Brock Lesnar
Chris Benoit
Sheamus
Antonio Cesaro
Big Show
The Great Khali
Mark Henry
Kassius Ohno
Darren Young
Titus O’Neil
Kofi Kingston
Paul Heyman
Justin Gabriel
Ezekiel Jackson
Epico
Steve Austin
Layla El
Linda McMahon
Natalya Neidhart
Trish Stratus
Rosa Mendes

RAW:
Undertaker (General Manager)
Seth Rollins
Roman Reigns
Dean Ambrose
Zack Ryder
Drew McIntyre
Heath Slater
Big E Langston
Bo Dallas
AJ Lee
Jinder Mahal
JTG
Brad Maddox
Hornswoggle
Curt Hawkins
Paige
Naomi Night
Camacho
Kaitlyn
Richie Steamboat
Xavier Woods
Adrian Neville
Rebecca Knox

WCW:
The Rock (General Manager)
John Cena
CM Punk
Dusty Rhodes
Evan Bourne
Michael McGillicutty
Chris Jericho
Wade Barrett
Mick Foley
David Otunga
Kevin Nash
Alberto Del Rio
Ricardo Rodriguez
Fandango
Mason Ryan
Summer Rae
El Luchador (El Generico)
Tyson Kidd
Ryback
Damien Sandow
John Laurinaitis
R-Truth
Matt Striker
Theodore Long

ECW:
Ric Flair (General Manager)
Terry Funk
The Miz
Rey Mysterio
Zeb Colter
Jack Swagger
Finlay
William Regal
The Sandman
Booker T
Jerry Lawler
Billy Gunn
Road Dogg
Tensai
Brodus Clay
Alex Riley
John Morrison
Joey Mercury
Sin Cara
Hunico
John Bradshaw Layfield
Santino Marella
Sean Waltman
Vickie Guerrero

“Now that all the rosters are set, I will now announce that tomorrow will be a super PPV with all five brands. The show will be called Clash of The Brands. You guys have 30 minutes to decide the card. GO!â€￾ says VKM.

Triple H slams his fist on the table. “Rock, me and you are fighting in the main event beach and I’m going to kick your flipping dumb axe!â€￾

“You are a jabroni!â€￾

“It will be a Last Man Standing Heck in a Cell Match, for the biggest title on Smackdown!â€￾

“You are on! I’ll kick your stupid face with my foot.â€￾

Triple H slammed his fist on the table several more times throughout the meeting and the final card was set.

Clash of The Brands!

ECW Four Horsemen Championship – Ladder Match
Super Dance Squad (Brodus Clay, Tensai, Santino Marella, and Sean Waltman) vs. MRMM (The Miz, Alex Riley, John Morrison, and Joey Mercury)

RAW World Championship
Dean Ambrose /w AJ Lee, Seth Rollins, and Roman Reigns vs. Zack Ryder /w Curt Hawkins

WCW SCPRBJM Championship
Chris Jericho vs. John Cena vs. Ryback vs. CM Punk

ESWSP Sibling Rivalry Championship – Whoever Gets The Pin Becomes Champion
Edge and Christian vs. Scott Steiner and Rick Steiner

ECW World Championship – Extreme Rules Match
Terry Funk vs. William Regal

Main Event!
SD! WrestleMania XIX Championship – Last Man Standing Heck in a Cell Match
SD! General Manager Triple H vs. WCW General Manager The Rock

Predictions welcome!

 

[ndqw]

WWE Presents – CLASH OF THE BRANDS – 6/2/13 – “A Clash of Brands” – “but only really the main event, in the rest of the matches that brands stay segregated”

In the Dark Match, David Flair took on Zak Zodiac. David Flair won the match when he locked in the Figure Four Leglock and used the ropes for leverage forcing Zak Zodiac to submit. A hype video for the show then started playing. (42,34,51) (44)

“The entire card was literally announced one day ago.” A meeting with Ric Flair, Undertaker, The Rock, Triple H, Shane McMahon, and Stephanie McMahonis shown. There is a video of Vince McMahon on the ceiling; Triple H shouts and slams his fist on the table. “Terry Funk is an absolute beast of wrestling.” Terry Funk hits a Closeline to John Cena. Terry Funk licks blood off of Rey Mysterio’s face.

“I am going to legit kill you in a wrestling match.” Triple H slams his fist on the table and The Rock raises an eyebrow. “I am the best WRESTLER!” CM Punk spits on John Cena. Punk hits Mark Henry with a Backfist.

“We like justice, a lot!” Dean Ambrose, Roman Reigns, Seth Rollins, and AJ Lee hit a Quadruple Powerbomb to Mick Foley into a hole in the ground and then cover it with dirt. “I’m going to be honest here I don’t give a flipping ship what the flip happens to this piece of ship anymore since I’m dead.” Chris Jericho and Fandango compete in a chicken wing eating contest. Terry Funk takes a ship on the announcer’s desk. Brock Lesnar does a really stupid looking move to John Cena during a match at Extreme Rules 2012.

“It will be a Last Man Standing Heck in a Cell Match, for the biggest title on Smackdown!” A cell lowers. The Rock and Triple H punch each other like they did in the ladder match they had once. Triple H slams his fist on the table. Another angle of Tripe H slamming his fist on the table. An overhead shot of Triple H slamming his fist on the table. A shot from Triple H’s point of view while slamming his fist on the table.


“Michael Cole and Jerry “The King” Lawler are here to welcome you to a fan-tab PPV event!” says Michael Cole!

“Yeah it’s Clash of The Brands! I am attracted to teenage women!”

“Aren’t we all? Anyway, “The People’s Champion” The Rock is in the ring right now! Maybe he’ll have some words about Triple H for us!”

“Hey, he’s the GM of WCW right now right? I was always a WWE guy, but there was one thing I liked about WCW,”

“What?”

“The Nitro Girls! They had dog babies!”

“Oh Jerry,”

The Rock is standing in the ring; he has a microphone!

“Finally…THE ROCK HAS COME BACK TO THE WWE!”

The crowd is, like, excited and they, like, cheer.

“Now I’m going to tell you all a story about the “King of Kings” Triple H! The Great One, me, had to share a time machine with this poser FOR SEVEN YEARS! You guys know how many days dat der is? THE ROCK is pooped! You guys probably don’t know this ‘cause you never been in a tight space with Humper, but HE SMELLS BAD! “The Game” more like “The Stinky Guy”, amirihit?”

The crowd starts chanting, “Stinky Guy”. The Rock smiles! Triple H is shown watching the promo backstage, he is shaking his head and frowning. Triple H slams his fist into the table as The Rock continues.

“NOW TRENDING ON MYSPACE!” shouts The Rock! “And I was next to his husband too; he kept beaching on and on about how I was handsome and how he wanted a man like me. YO THE ROCK DOESN’T SWING THAT WAY! Just that one time with Trips that all man, it was college all right!”

The crowd starts chanting, “Okay to be gee”. The Rock nods.

“STINKY GUY AND OKAY TO BE GEE ARE NOW TRENDING ON TWITTER! WE ARE A CULTURAL PHENOMENON RIGHT NOW!” SHOUTS MICHAEL COLE!

“That’s right! DANG 7 YEARS! Probs even longer then that cause when I went to Vince’s service I didn’t get to say hi to you folk! I love you guys, man, happy moments like this almost make THE ROCK cry! BUT NO TEARS TONIGHT! TONIGHT IS SERIOUS!”

The crowd gasps, all of them, THEY WEREN’T EXPECTING TO SEE THIS SIDE OF THE ROCK!

“Triple Hump, we are going to have a match tonight, and I am going to win it, that’s The Rock’s promise. The Rock has never broken a promise. The Rock is awesome. The Rock is in movies. Humper, I’m going to hit you with my finishing move! THE ROCK IS BACK! WCW WILL BE THE BEST BRAND IN WRESTLING EVER! Last Man Standing Heck in a Cell, Humpface, THE ROCK is gonna hurt your candy axe, oh he’s gonna hurt it bad!”

The Rock’s music starts playing!

“And we’ll see The Rock in the main event Last Man Standing Heck in a Cell Match!” (94) (457)

ECW Four Horsemen Championship – LADDER MATCH!
The Super Dance Crew (Sean Waltman, Brodus Clay, Santino Marella, and Tensai) VERSUS
MRMM (The Miz, Alex Riley, John Morrison, and Joey Mercury)

The match started off sort of like the bar fights in cowboy movies, The Miz broke a beer bottle over Sean “Waltz” Waltman’s head and the rest of the members of the teams erupted into a wild brawl. Santino Marella got so caught up in the action that he even began to assault his teammates with a 5000 year-old vase. After breaking the vase over Clay’s head, Marella quickly hit Tensai with The Cobra and immediately pinned him. He was soon reminded that it was a ladder match. While Santino wasn’t attacking his own partners, his partners were attacked by their opponents as well. John Morrison hit a bunch of really cool moves including a kick. He even did some really cool par-core stuff, if that’s how you write it I’ve never seen it written.

It got even more interesting when the participants realized it was a ladder match. Joey Mercury was the first to get a ladder, but when he slid it into the ring it got dropkicked by “Waltz” Waltman right into his face busting him open. Mercury spent the rest of the match with EMTs trying to fix his bleeding face.

However, the apparent loss of a man didn’t really effect MRMM’s chance at victory. Santino Marella worked mostly as an individual working against his team mates, at one point he hit everyone with The Cobra and attempted to take the four championship belts for his team, but Alex Riley springboarded and drop-kicked the ladder sending Santino toppling to the floor. This move caused Santino to bleed and he spent the rest of the match with EMTs.

Everyone struggled to their feet, and an impromptu six-man knife-edge chop-off began. Morrison chopped Clay who chopped Miz who chopped Waltman who chopped Riley who chopped Tensai who chopped Morrison who chopped Waltman who chopped Miz who chopped Clay who chopped Riley who chopped Tensai who chopped Morrison. The cycle continued as previously mentioned until MRMM got sick of routine and hit the Super Dance Squad with Stereo Closelines! The Miz and Riley shoved each-other then Miz ordered Riley to get tables! Riley set up eleven tables on the ramp side of the ring and one more on each turnbuckle. The tables provided a nice feeling of warmth to MRMM and boosted their morale quite a bit. But when Tensai speared Morrison through the table on one of the turnbuckles Miz wondered if having fifteen tables around really was a good idea. Eleven more tables broke as all six competitors battled on the ramp side of the ring, and soon each remaining member of both teams had been put through two tables a piece.

Triple H is shown backstage; he is visibly angry. “They are just breaking a bunch of tables!”, he gets so mad that he slams his fist on the table, snapping it in two.

After hitting Starship Pain to Tensai through a table, John Morrison quickly rolled into the ring and begun to climb the ladder but was soon stopped when Sean Waltman waltzed into the ring and pulled John down by the foot. The two through clubby blows at one another, Riley rolled in and attempted to give Morrison the upper hand, but Waltman quickly disposed of Riley after hitting him with The Bronco Buster. Clay was in next but Morrison took him away with a Flying Chuck!

Morrison and Waltman continued to brawl until Morrison caught him with an eye rake. While Waltman felt at his eyes Morrison could take a breath, and then noticed a shard of the 5000 year old vase from earlier. Morrison immediately picked it up and stabbed Waltman in the eye with it! Waltman began to bleed so EMTs leaped into the ring and tackled him!

Morrison thought that his only obstacle was finished off until he turned around right into The Claw! Tensai laughed then took the three remaining turnbuckle tables and set them up on top of each other; he then turned and began to climb up the ladder. The Miz joined him in the ring and started to climb the ladder as well. The two met at the top of the ladder, but Miz quickly hit an uppercut sending Tensai through the tables he set up just a second before. Miz unhooked the four belts, claiming the titles for MRMM and winning the match. The new ECW Four Horsemen Champions shared an emotional group hug and went to the back. (69,71,67) (744)

RAW World Championship
Dean Ambrose /w The Rest of The Shield (AJ Lee, Roman Reigns, and Seth Rollins)
VERSUS
Zack Ryder /w Curt Hawkins

Before the match began, The Shield entered through the crowd all badace and AJ Lee made sure to make-out with the other members of the team. Dean Ambrose took some time to grace the WWE Universe with his brilliant microphone work. He touched on why he and Zack Ryder were selected to compete for the second best title on RAW, justice, and then gave us the inside scoop on the after party that would take place in their hotel room.

“Seth’ll get the front door, Roman will be in the talk hole, and I’ll get AJ’s back door, and under us will be the RAW World Championship!”

Zack Ryder then entered and told The Shield that sharing a woman is gee. Dean disagreed stating maybe he was just more comfortable with his sexuality than Zack and asked if he could tell us anything about Curt Hawkins since obviously he had something to hide. Curt rolled into the ring and came to Zack’s aid. “Nah we ain’t gee,” said Curt, but The Shield were not convinced.

“If you’re not gee then kiss,” suggested AJ Lee, but Zack and Curt shook their heads then stated that it would only cause more sexual tension between them. They then opened up to each other about their feelings about one another, as human beings, and possible lovers. Curt and Zack decided it was best to remain friends, then the match could finally begin. After some circling, Zack and Dean locked up; Dean quickly took the advantage hitting the One Hitter (Vertical Suplex Dropped Into A DDT). The Shield then took offensive positions, Roman Reigns speared the ship out of bystander Curt Hawkins while AJ Lee leaped onto apron and took off her shirt exposing her white-lace bra and distracted Mike Chioda with her feminine wiles. Reins and Rollins rolled into the ring and hoisted Zack Ryder up and hit him with a Triple Powerbomb. Reigns and Rollins swiftly exited the ring and AJ covered up causing Chioda to turn away from “The Meaningless Six Object”. Dean covered Ryder for the three count, which gained him the coveted RAW World Championship. The bell tolled, and The Shield celebrated in the ring by hitting Mike Chioda, Curt Hawkins, and Zack Ryder with three consecutive Quadruple Powerbombs apiece.

Triple H is shown backstage watching the onslaught, and becomes very angered after seeing his favorite referee Mike Chioda get powerbombed. In response he slammed his first on the table.

Dean Ambrose tossed the RAW World Championship over the top rope and down to the floor and then AJ, Seth, and him stood over it. Reigns stepped onto the apron and AJ began to lick the outside of his tights while Dean and Seth sandwiched and dry-humped her, Dean in the backdoor and Seth in the front.

“Isn’t that nice? The Shield are giving us a preview of what you can see for just eighteen dollars a month on shieldxxx dot com, they will start streaming at eleven PM so get there in time to see AJ Lee have at least one organism live!” says Michael Cole while reading off an index card.

“AJ Lee kind of reminds me of a teenage girl, I’ll definitely be tuning in!” says Jerry Lawler. (77,79,75) (542)

WCW Super Cookie Puss Rock Bottom Jabroni Mega Championship
Chris Jericho
VERSUS
Ryback
VERSUS
John Cena
VERSUS
CM Punk

If a WWE fan was ever to ask “What is WCW?”, the answer would be this match. CM Punk, John Cena, and Ryback were all perfect examples of WCW legends back in the 90s WCW glory days. Except Jericho, Jericho in WCW sucked, and this match showed just that. Jericho spent the entire match botching moves and showing no charisma in every movement, eventually the other competitors grew tired of all the missed timed dropkicks, obnoxious shouting, and constantly being dropped on their heads so they triple teamed him and hit him with multiple assisted unprotected piledrivers. Jericho was eventually split open the hard way causing EMTs to treat him and take him out of the match.

Triple H is shown backstage watching Jericho taken out of the ring by EMTs, “Jericho was who I picked to win!” he shouted as he slammed his fist into the table.

After the three real WCW Legends took care of that piece of trash, they continued the fight against each other. Cena was an immovable object throughout the match, CM Punk and Ryback kept attempting to hit him with Irish Whips but he was able to hold his ground. The match got really exciting when Cena hit Punk and THE RYBACK with a Double DDT followed by a Double Five Knuckle Shuffle. Cena pinned both competitors but they both kicked out at one. Cena picked them both up and attempted to hit a Double Suplex but resounding hissing from the crowd forced him to stop mid-move.

Then Cena made his infamous mean-face to the camera, Michael Cole wasn’t sure if this meant he was determined or angry, so he decided to let Lawler make the call here. “If The Bella Twins were about ten years younger I’d flip both of them.”

Despite the crowd being against him, Cena lifted Ryback and Punk off the ground! However two knees into his head stopped his momentum! Ryback immediately got Cena in the nuts while Punk got a running start. Cena hunched over a bit while Ryback caught Punk and threw him into Cena, driving both of Punk’s feet into the left side of Cena’s face. John Cena falls to the ground and Ryback feeds on him; Ryback hits him with a volley of Brainbusters, German Suplexes, and Rolling Big Boots whiles Punk exits the ring and starts tossing in weapons. Michael Cole makes sure to remind us that four-way matches are no disqualification.

Ryback makes a five chair high stack and hits Cena with a Powerbomb onto all the chairs much to the audience’s satisfaction, but while pinning Cena, Punk delivers a kick to Ryback’s face and pins Cena himself. Somehow, Cena is able to lift his shoulder and kickout of the pin at two. Punk hits the mat really hard with his fist, then decides that’s not enough so he rolls out of the ring and slams his fist on the announcers desk.

Punk returns to the ring and puts Cena on his shoulders, he is about to hit the GTS, but Ryback got up and put Punk on his shoulders, dropping Cena in the process. Ryback begins to march around the ring, but before he can hit the Shellshock (Samoan Drop), “The Common Man” “The Commander and Chief of The CenaNation” “The Prototype” John Cena puts Ryback on his shoulders while he keeps Punk on his. Cena proceeds to hit Ryback with an Attitude Adjustment (FU (Standing Fireman’s Carry Slam)) causing Ryback to hit Punk with The Shellshock. Cena notices that Punk took the brunt of the damage and pins Punk, however Jericho hits Cena with a Codebreaker (Double Knee Facebuster) and returns to the match while breaking up the pin.

Triple H retracts slamming his fist on the table, excited that his favorite is still in this, until Jericho takes a vivaciously vicious MEATHOOK (DEATH CLOSELINE OF ABSOLUTE MURDER) leaving him twitching on the mat. Ryback pulls Jericho onto his feet and hooks his arm over, and lifts Jericho onto his shoulders while Punk and John Cena trade punches! Cena and Punk punch their way to the top turnbuckle; Punk gets a lucky shot knocking Cena off the top rope onto Ryback’s shoulders joining an unconscious Chris Jericho. The punch Punk utilized to put Cena in this position of precariousness involved a step that Punk wasn’t exactly ready for causing him to stumble and fall on top of Cena, Jericho, and Ryback’s shoulders.

With a wicked smile on his face Ryback begins to thrash around the ring wearing boots. The Triple Shellshock (Samoan Drop To Three Opponents) hit to a stunned silence from the crowd causing an indent in the ring. Ryback got to his feet and pulled all three of his opponents out of the dip in the ring by the legs and pinned all three of them simultaneously. The referee’s hand hit the mat three times and he declared Ryback the winner. Ryback stood over all three of his opponents with the WCW Super Cookie Puss Rock Bottom Jabroni Championship draped over his shoulder, leaving only one thought in everyone’s mind. “Ryback Rules, These Guys Drool”. (87,94,73) (853)

ESWSP Sibling Rivalry Championship – The Wrestler Who Pins An Opponent Will Become Champion
“Icon or Legend?” Edge and “Captain Charisma” Christian
VERSUS
Scott Steiner and Rick Steiner

The Steiner Brothers used their 90s badaceness to control the early goings and keep the match in their favor. They kept the icon Edge down with Shoulder Tackles and Suplexes, basically all of the cool moves. Business picked up when a closeline from Scott Steiner caused Edge to do a back flip and land on his feet. Edge quickly tagged out to Christian who hit the Steiners with several back-elbows.

Christian hits Rick Steiner with the Killswitch (Inverted Double Underhook Facebuster (Unprettier)), but Rick Steiner just leaps to his feet and starts barking. Christian takes a step back; he’d always been afraid of dogs so this would be a nice time to tag out. That was when he realized Edge was barely breathing as he lied on the apron. Christian was forced to face his fears or be viciously mauled.

Rick Steiner viciously mauled Christian after he attempted to run away. The referee pulled Rick off of Christian, but the damage was done, bite marks covered Christian’s ripped flesh. EMTs quickly rolled in the ring and took Christian out of the match when one of the marks bled. This made Edge the legal man, but was he ready for this? Edge struggled to his feet from the apron and pulled the referee towards him. “I don’t think I can do it, you’re going to have to st-,” but just then Edge made eye contact with his brother Christian. They were filled with tears, sorrow, and barely gleamed. At that point Edge knew he had to continue. For Christian.

Triple H is shown backstage and he slams his fist on the table; he is excited about Edge’s comeback.

Edge leaps through the ropes and hits a Double Spear to both Scott Steiner and Rick Steiner. “The Ultimate Opportunist” rolls to his feet and sees Christian on the apron, with his last breath he tags him in. Christian re-enters the ring with the intent of putting down the dog. Christian picks up Rick Steiner by the face and slaps him several times before hitting him with a second Killswitch. Christian was about to pin Rick when Edge force tagged himself in and speared Christian, then he immediately pinned Rick to pick up the win and the championship. Christian got up and was all like “What the flip?”, but Edge explained that it was the whole point of this match, you know to steal the pin from your partner. He then said it was why they call him “The Ultimate Opportunist”. Christian and Edge shook hands to prove to everyone that they won’t let the title come between them. “The Genetic Freak” Scott Steiner proceeded to attack both Edge and Christian with a metal pipe, then he started smoking it, after a huff he said that he wants a title shot. (81,85,75) (468)

ECW World Championship – Extreme Rules Match
William Regal
VERSUS
Terry Funk

The ring crew fills the ring with hardcore weapons and ship as William Regal and Terry Funk make their entrances. There is a bunch of cool weapons, like I could give examples, but I won’t. Terry Funk and William Regal shake hands and the Extreme Rules Match officially kicks off. Regal starts the match off trying to use submissions and all that technical wrestling crop, but it doesn’t last after he takes a Glass Trashcan Lid shot to the face!

Funk picks up a shard of glass and cuts into Regal back with it. Cole states that this is “Vintage Funk”. The referee asks Regal if he wants to tap but Regal says no. Terry smiles and sets the shard onto Regal’s back and stomps on it, then he throws a few steel chairs onto him and hits a Running Splash after bouncing off the ropes.

Or he intended too, Funk didn’t realize that particular set of ropes was wrapped with barbed wire and rigged with explosives! There is an explosion and Terry falls to the mat, without gaining any momentum he thought he would. Regal throws a few chairs off of himself and crawls onto Funk, but he kicks out at two. Regal and Funk both favor their backs as they struggle to their feet. They both reach into their tights and pull out Brass Knuckles and slide them over their hand.

Regal and Funk begin to exchange brass knuckled punches, until they are both busted open. EMTs slide into the ring through one of the sides that doesn’t have barbed wire exploding ropes and tackle the wrestler to the ground and start trying to remove the blood so little kids don’t get scared. The crowd starts booing and throwing trash into the ring.

Triple H is shown backstage watching the fans throw their programs and half-empty soda cups into the ring and outside area. You can sense his building rage; with the force of ten gods Triple H slams his fist into the table. “Those programs have my face on them! How dare they throw them!”

Cole covers up for the almost rioting by saying the fans want to see a real old school ECW fight with blood and ship. The EMTs continue to do the job they were paid to do while dodging the ugly-faced programs and spiraling cups of Mountain Dew. Once all the blood is gone the EMTs leave the ring and let the match continue. Regal immediately takes advantage of the situation and starts punching Funk in the head repeatedly with the brass knuckles. Terry Funk doesn’t get a shot in as Regal keeps knocking him in the face.

Terry Funk is once again busted open causing the EMTs to once again enter the ring and clean the blood, but Regal isn’t having any of this! William tosses several uppercuts at the interfering EMTs to the crowd’s amusement. Once they are all dealt with Regal continues his vicious brass assault on the other veteran. After nine or eleven more punches Funk’s face is covered in blood and Regal pins him.

But, Funk kicks out at two and seven eighths. William Regal wastes no time and gets to his feet, then he begins to stomp off Funk’s head over and over pushing it deeper and deeper into the puddle of his own blood. Regal is about to pin Funk again when a second wave of EMTs floods into the ring. Regal attempts to fight them off but one of the EMTs tases him, so they can tend Funk and clean up the blood.

The zap gets Regal right in the nipple and takes him down a peg. Once the blood is cleaned off of Terry, the EMTs exit the ring and Funk develops a second wind. Regal is still feeling the effects of being tased so Funk is easily able to hoist him up and hit him with a piledriver onto three panes of glass and a steel chair.

Funk pins Regal’s shoulders to the mat, but he uses his veteran instincts to kick out at two. Triple H is shown backstage watching the match; he slams his fist into the table. Triple H knows his match is next and is ready to face The Rock.

Funk stands Regal up onto his feet and then checks if they ropes he is about to bounce off of are barbed wire ones, they aren’t so Terry runs and bounces off the ropes and run and jumps at Regal. Regal catches him in mid-air and tosses him into the barbed wire ropes! There is another explosion leaving Terry Funk lifeless. Regal drops onto Funk to get the three and become champion.

The referee hands the ECW World Championship to Regal as he struggles to his feet. Regal waves to the audience and starts a “Thank you Funk” chant because this was rumored to be his retirement match. Terry Funk limps to his feet with his eyes full of tears and ship. Regal extends his hand to Funk and Terry nods and shakes Regal’s hand. They hug as we head backstage with “The Game” Triple H. (73,74,74) (857)

“The Game” Triple H is shown backstage; he is sitting at a table. The table is red, this is meant to be a symbol of his love of wrestling. Triple H takes a breath, then he starts talking and ship.

“The Rock? THIS BUSINESS NEEDS ME,”

Triple H slams his fist on the table.

“I flipping invented wrestling, I taught some of the best wrestler how to succeed in THIS BUSINESS. I didn’t even try to, they just learned.”

Triple H slams his fist on the table.

“I remember when ‘The Great One’ was just a little rookie, all the other veterans that I taught how to wrestle and I would lock him in the bathroom and tell him ‘Rocky Sucks’ he’d get so pee’d off. Sometimes he’d try to tell on us, but Vince would tell him to shut the flip up and stop being a beach.”

Triple H slams his fist on the table.

“I tried to teach The Cook how to wrestle, I really did, but then one day when he couldn’t even hit me with a drop kick, I realized that gee flags won’t ever be able to wrestle. And, yeah once we did the oral six thing in college, but so what? I can wrestle so obviously I’m not a gee flag.”

Triple H slams his fist on the table.

“I INVENTED THIS BUSINESS and that’s why The Rock is getting to get his ugly ace kicked tonight. I’m going to teach him that no one tells me to shut up. I’m going to teach him about THIS BUSINESS. That’s why Vince made me the GM of Smackdown. He knew that I’d come up with the best title names and the most exciting matches.”

Triple H slams his fist on the table.

“It’s kind of weird that the big guy knew that it had to be me. This is my destiny, it’s my destiny to destroy The Rock.”

Triple H slams his fist on the table.

“But, I’ll have help as well. The Last Man Standing Heck In A Cell Match for the WrestleMania XIX Championship will have a special referee. Let’s just say he’s a Sexy Boy.”

Triple H slams his fist on the table. Another angle of Tripe H slamming his fist on the table. An overhead shot of Triple H slamming his fist on the table. A shot from Triple H’s point of view while slamming his fist on the table. (97) (409)

SD! WrestleMania XIX Championship – Last Man Standing Heck In A Cell Match
Special Referee: “The Heart Break Kid” Shawn Michaels!
“The Game” “The Cerebral Assassin” “The Connecticut Blueblood” “The King of Kings” “The Ultimate Icon” “The Legendary Wrestler” “The Unfathomable Being” “The Legendest Legend” “The Man Who Doesn’t Need Nicknames” TRIPLE “MOTHERFLIPPING” H
VERSUS
The Rock

Shawn Michaels signals to ring the bell as the cell begins to lower over the ring and the competitors. The dramatic cell lowering music makes The Rock and Triple H circling each other a lot cooler. But this is a blood feud though so the circling doesn’t last long! Triple H quickly charges and throws rights and lefts at The Rock, and then he tries to break his neck with a Sleeper Hold. The Rock is slowly fading out, but suddenly Shawn Michaels superkicks Triple H sending him flying out of the ring.

Shawn Michaels begins the count but both competitors are on their feet in no time. The Rock favors his neck while Triple H sets up a table on the outside and slams his fist into it. Triple H slides into the ring and is all like, “The flip Shawn, we’re brothers!”, but Shawn just looks down with a sullen look. The Rock runs over and hits them with a Double Closeline. The Rock starts prancing around and then he takes off one of his elbow pads!

The Rock bounces off the ropes and goes for a Double People’s Elbow, but Triple H and Shawn Michaels use their veteran instincts to move out of the way. Then Triple H superkicks Shawn Michaels and kneels over him. “THIS BUSINESS is important to me, you son of a beach, and I’m prepared to run it without you, you need to realize the most important wrestler in wrestling history is me. The future of THIS BUSINESS relies on it, Shawn. Officiate this match down the middle or in my favor or I’ll make sure you end up flipping homeless!”

Triple H leans out of the ring and slams his fist into the table. The match then spirals into what you’d expect from two of the biggest iconlegends in wrestling to be. Triple H and The Rock take turns stroking each others egos, “Vintage Rock” says Cole after he hits a Spinebuster, but Triple H’s unstoppable courage, fortitude, and wrestling prowess allowed him dodge another attempt at The People’s Elbow and rolled out of the ring.

The Rock smirked, he knew Triple H thought he was safe, he knew Triple H thought he found sanctuary, and he knew he’d never taken a risk this great before. The Rock leaps over the top rope and onto Triple H taking him into the cage wall. Shawn Michaels goes to count for Triple H, but The Rock isn’t satisfied. The Rock pulls Triple H to his feet and bangs his head on the cell a couple times.

The Rock and Humper find themselves in front of the table set up earlier. The Rock holds Triple H by the head and looks him the eyes before spitting in his face and hitting him with a Rock Bottom (Fall Forward Lifting Side Slam) through the table. As Triple H falls he slams his fist on the table.

Triple H wallows in pain while The Rock quickly returns to his feet and Shawn Michaels starts the count. Triple H struggles to his feet when Michaels reaches a count of seven. The Rock gets right on him and holds him by the head at his own waist, it’s a position similar to their college days.

Triple H and The Rock take a moment to revel in the moment and begin to silently reminisce. The Rock remembers the strange new feelings of pleasure from a man. About how it was so weird, but at the same time felt so right. Triple H recalls to new tastes, how hard they were, and how hard they were to swallow. The gooey substances filling his willing mouth. The sequence of experimentation, it was almost a science project. It wasn’t for a class, no, it was between two men, two lovers, but Triple H was married now and too important to deal with gee flags like him. “He isn’t even a winner,” thought Triple H, “Unless you count imaginary brass rings.” Then Triple H remembered a promise he made.

“I’m going to hit you with a sledgehammer or my finisher!”

Humper Humpy Humpface had yet to do either of those things. He made a promise to THIS BUSINESS and motherflipper; he’s going to motherflipping keep it. “The Game” (which you just lost) Triple H pushes The Rock away and slams his fist on the remains of the table. Triple H charges at The Rock and hits a Jumping Knee to The Rock taking him out momentarily and pulls “The Hammer of Justice” out from under the ring.

“Vintage The Best Wrestler of All Flipping Time, Our Humble, Extremely Attractive, General Manager of Smackdown!”

The Rock gets to his knees just in time to take a sledgehammer shot to the face busting him open. An army of EMTs rushes through the cells door, but Triple H clobbers them with sledgehammer shots and Pedigrees making sure to taught after each brutal strike. Triple H then licks the blood off of The Rock’s face and tosses him into the ring like a rag doll. Humpface pulls a table out from under the ring garnering a roaring coo from the WWE Universe. “They really like me,” thought Triple H as he smiled both sadistically and self-importantly. Triple H slid the table into the ring and set it up in one of the corners. Triple H then prances over The Rock and tries to pull him to his feet, but The Rock does a three hundred and sixty degree spin and cuts Humpy with a glass shard left behind from the ECW World Title match. Shawn Michaels smells the blood and immediately tackles The Rock and wrestles the shard of glass from his hand while EMTs rush to Triple H.

But, Triple H doesn’t need their help. He motherflipping invented THIS BUSINESS gosh digit. Triple H cleans the blood off of himself and beats the ship out of the EMTs with his sledgehammer, a rescue dog jumps at him but he catches by its head and snaps its neck then hits the dead dog with a Pedigree, but that doesn’t feed it.

Triple H tells Shawn Michaels that if they are really friends he will hold The Rock down for a bit. Michaels agrees and Triple H discards the sledgehammer. Triple H slams his fist onto the table then exits the ring. Triple H turns to the cell and laughs. He begins to climb up the cell and once he reaches the top he pulls out from the structure another sledgehammer. The crowd doesn’t pop because that is pretty flipping gee, but Triple H basks in the glory anyway and leaps off the cell wall into the ring.

Triple H does a few practice swings while Shawn Michaels puts The Rock in position, then Triple H lines up with The Rocks head and prepares to swing. It seems to be wasted effort as The Rock springs to his feet and grabs Triple H for The Rock Bottom. Before Rock can slam humper into the mat Triple H twists away and keeps his arm and immediately locks in the Kimura.

The Rock immediately submits which prompts Michael Cole to say, “Triple H does a better Kimura than Brock Lesnar!” Triple H laughs and keeps the hold locked in torturing his college Miss Pennywise. Triple H drops The Rock finally after what feels like hours of sick torture. Shawn Michaels begins to count The Rock down as he struggles to get to his feet, unable to post on his right arm. When Michaels reaches six Triple H just yawns and pulls The Rock to his feet, however The Rock is able to shove him away and hit him with a Rock Bottom with the opposite arm.

The Rock gets to his feet and demands Michaels to count for his best friend. Michaels obliges but only gets to one before Triple H springs to his feet and hits a Rock Bottom of his own to The Rock. Michaels begins the count, but noticeably counts slower. The Rock isn’t moving at all though so it really has little effect as it only gives him a bit more time that he isn’t using at all.

“Triple H’s Rock Bottom is better than The Rock’s or Booker T’s!” shouts Michael Cole.

“Triple H is a lucky man, he gets to see his wife’s breasts,” states Jerry Lawler

Michaels manages to get to a nine count before Triple H decides he isn’t done yet and pulls The Rock to his feet. “I’ve already done what I promised to do Rock, except one thing,” Triple H kicks The Rock in the mid-section and hits him with The Pedigree, before standing up again Triple H notices his shoe is untied and begins to tie it on one knee.

Michaels begins the count at a normal pace and Triple H realizes what a horrible job he did lacing his boots and lays on his back and re-laces them. Michaels counts the ten while Triple H is lying on his back tying his shoes. So since both men were down for the full duration of the ten count, Shawn Michaels has no choice but to call the match a draw.

Triple H gets to his feet and grabs Michaels by the collar. Michael Cole calls Shawn Michaels a dirty piece ship. Triple H demands Michaels to reverse his decision but Shawn tells him that he was the referee. “Shut up you gee flag, now we have a blood feud just as much as The Rock and I, you better watch your back because I will do whatever necessary to keep THIS BUSINESS running strong.” Triple H tosses Shawn Michaels into the barbed-wire exploding ropes that were left from the previous match and not utilized at all in this one.

The explosion decimates Michaels and Cole states that it was exactly what a crooked horrible person deserves. Triple H turns to the table he set up against the turnbuckle. Tears begin to roll down his eyes as he slams his fist into table repeatedly until it is broken into cell-sized crumbs of fistdust. Triple H weeps as he breaks the table with his bare hands.

The hands that invented THIS BUSINESS. The hands that could of won the championship that represents his greatest triumph in his life. The hands that proved that he was above people like Booker T and Martin Luther King. The hands of a god. The hands that he possessed for the sole purpose of carrying out his own will; the ones he can’t trust in the hands of others. The hands that fingerflip his wife when Prince Hardasrock is soft and staying that way.

THIS BUSINESS had screwed him over for the last time.

Triple H gathered the fistdust and dropped it into a water bottle and shouted out, “This sacred bottle contains the bits of hope, and the bits of joy, and the bits of love I have shared with both of you. Rock, this bottle contains our wild college night. Shawn, this bottle contains all the wild nights we had until I met Stephanie and there were a lot of them. You have both betrayed me and done unthinkable things to my trust. So now you’re nothing more than water to me. Something I never drink but spit out to look cool in my entrance. YOU’RE JUST FISTDUST WHO THREATEN THIS BUSINESS AND I WILL NOT STOP UNTIL BOTH OF YOUR EVIL HEARTS CEASE TO BEAT!”

Triple H pours the fistdust onto the mat.

Triple H slams his fist on the fistdust. Another angle of Tripe H slamming his fist on the fistdust. An overhead shot of Triple H slamming his fist on the fistdust. A shot from Triple H’s point of view while slamming his fist on the fistdust.

The PPV ends and the scene fades to black. (91,98,77) (1985)

 

[ndqw]

6/3/12 – Day After Clash of The Brands – “Trap Door With Hammers”

Triple H slams his fist on the table. “Let’s hurry this up I have a dance class to catch,”

All the general managers have gathered at WWE Headquarters for a morning briefing with A Hologram of Vincent Kennedy McMahon.

“Good morning, it’s the day after that big event now, so I have a few announcements to make. First, I have moved from the ceiling screen to hologram form, this is less cramped and it’s inconvenient to always meet in the room with the ceiling television. Now that I’m a hologram I can be moved pretty much anywhere.”

Triple H slams his fist into the table, “I liked meeting here.”

“Shut up cook flag, second, the rules I have made for your brand are not set in stone and can be changed at any time by me, if fact, Taker, you cannot sign any wrestler over the age of thirty to work for your brand except, I will allow you to sign one wrestler between 30 and however ever old Michelle McCool is once a year.”

Triple H slams his fist on the table, “That isn’t fair,”

“Flip you, and the final announcement, each brand will have its own two hour broadcast every week, Undertaker’s Raw on Monday, Steph and Shane’s ESWSP on Tuesday, Rock’s WCW on Wednesday, Flair’s ECW on Thursday, and whoever that other guy is’ Smackdown on Friday,”

Triple H slams his fist on the table, “My show is last? I am outraged! What if everyone else’s sucks dock and they just don’t bother with mine? Vince, did you think of that?”

The Rock smirks. “You’re the only person here we’d have to worry about sucking dock, Humper.”

“Stop your bickering. Taker, use this extension of your rules wisely, and I’m sure your show tonight will be wonderful. For the rest of you, goodbye, I hope death doesn’t take you as well.” Vince McMahon waves as his hologram disappears.

“You know what, Rock, I beat your dumbace last night really dang hard. I buried you. I haven’t had enough SO ON WCW LET’S FIGHT AGAIN! On Wednesday, on your show, I’ll break more than tables, I’ll break your pretty face.”

“You are a Jabroni!”

“Flip you beach,” Triple H tries to hit The Rock, but Shane and Stephanie hold him back, “This is a blood feud Rock,” Triple H turns away and slams his fist on the table.

“You’re a cookie puss!”

“I’ll snap your neck, I’ve done it to a dog and I’m not afraid to do it to you because people like you aren’t winners! I proved it at WrestleMania XIX!”

“I’m not like Booker T, Triple Hump; he was full-on-gee, I’m only half-gee.”

“Your brass rings are imaginary all the same, want to know something, Rock. I think all your title belts are lame. My title belts are important I named most of them after the greatest WrestleManias in history, like WrestleMania 2000. You know what made that WrestleMania important, right?”

“N-,”

“It was me pinning you in a 4-Way match! Because you suck and you are gee. I’ve already beaten you at WrestleMania, cleanly, no interference, no weapons involved at all, one, two, three. No gimmicks, just me draped over you, my body on yours, and I pinned you for three seconds. All by myself, no help from that guy who died and made us go forward in time, he didn’t help me. The only thing that helped me was THIS BUSINESS!” Triple H slams his fist on the table. “So when I debut the WrestleMania 2000 Championship on Friday the match will be amazing.

It will be the most unique concept of all time. Four men will be selected by me to compete for the belt in a 4-Way match. Whoever gets the pin will become champion, and whoever takes the pin will have to win a #1 contender 4-Way before they can get into the next title match.

And, every champion, will be someone who counts as better than you, Rock, because you suck at 4-Way matches and they are good at them!” monologues Triple H as he slams his fist on the table between the paragraphs.

“You know Humper, that’s a pretty good idea, a 4-Way belt. I think I’ll use that and I’ll make what the WCW Jabroni Championship is, because you are a jabroni!”

Triple H slams his fist on the table. “How dare you steal my idea, Rock! I’ll find a way to get you for that! You’re the real jabroni not me, I am the best wrestler ever. I am a legend, I am an icon, I am undefeated at WrestleMania, I have never not won a match, I have never drawn a match, I have never given oral six, I have never been bested, I hav-,”

Undertaker makes the lights go on and off by using his demonic powers. “SHUT THE FLIP UP!”

Triple H stares at The Undertaker and then in slow-motion slams his fist into the table. He grabs Undertaker by the nose and pulls him between his legs and hits him with The Pedigree. Then he hits a Pedigree to Ric Flair. Then he hits a Pedigree to Shane McMahon.

“No one tells me to shut up,” shouts Triple H as he slams his fist on the table, The Rock cowers hoping not to be Pedigreed next, but cowering just made it easier.

Triple H looked down at his fellow male GMs bodies on the floor and turned to his wife Stephanie. “The Cerebral Assassin” smiled and slammed his fist on the table causing a hatch on the ceiling to open up and drop a dozen sledgehammers onto his wife.

Triple H slammed his fist on the table again to close the hatch.

“Undertaker may have been the only one to say it, but I know you were all thinking it. In my mind thought crimes are a thing and you are all guilty. I want justice. I’m in a blood feud with all of you now, I will be at every show watching every match you guys book. I will be looking for weak points to exploit. You are all dead to me. You too Shawn, don’t think I’ve forgotten about you. I will break every single one of you, but Steph I still will be expecting my morning hamjog.”

Triple H slams his fist on the table one more time before walking away.

While Triple H and The Rock were arguing The Undertaker confirmed the following for Raw!

A wrestler between the ages of 30 and however old Michelle McCool is will make their WWE Return (Guess who!)

RAW Tombstone Championship
Adrian Neville vs. Seth Rollins /w Dean Ambrose, AJ Lee, and Roman Reigns

RAW Tag Team Championship
Heath Slater and Drew McIntyre /w Jinder Mahal vs. Dean Ambrose and Roman Reigns /w Seth Rollins and AJ Lee

RAW’s General Manager The Undertaker vs. Big E. Langston

Predictions Welcome!