The No Smark Zone 2: The One AFTER The Grandaddy Of Them All
Welcome to the second edition of the No Smark Zone. In today’s edition we have a review of Wrestlemania, the first ever No Smark Zone “Fact or Fiction” and a look into the future of the WWE.
The Wrestlemania Review
Before I get too far into this, I wanted to say I thought the set was phenomenal. It changed for almost everyone and it came off as looking fucking awesome on TV! I will always be amazed at the production of the WWE. They always find a way to top themselves, year after year, PPV after PPV. Ok now onto the show…
We start off with a slightly more robust Aretha Franklin and a kick ass Gospel Choir singing “America The Beautiful.” This lead to the text message of the night from my best friend Kevin “I didn’t know Jabba The Hut could sing.” Bwahahahaaha. I know its mean, but that doesn’t make it less funny.
Mr. Kennedy defeated Edge, Jeff Hardy, Matt Hardy, Randy Orton, Booker T, Finlay and CM Punk in the Money In The Bank Ladder Match
I was kinda surprised this one started out the show. In all honesty, it was a good choice, however I woulda saved it for later in the card. I was unsure as to how the match would start. Would they pair off? Would everyone go for a ladder? Or would everyone just jump start the match. We essentially got the jump start with Kennedy going for a ladder and Orton giving chase. Throughout the match, we see almost everyone get a flurry of offense in. Orton, The Hardys, Punk, even Booker T and Finlay. The match also had its share of interesting spots. An RKO off the top of the ladder, a Bookend from the middle of the ladder, and the Celtic Cross on a fallen ladder. The sick spot with Jeff and Edge was just recockulous. I didn’t think the WWE would go that far again, but I was wrong, and boy was I glad I was. That was really refreshing to see again. The match also had its share of comedy as Hornswaggle’s step ladder came into play early and the little bastard took a Green Bay Plunge off the ladder from fellow Wisconsinite (w00t w00t) Ken Kennedy. The tease at Punk winning was a nice touch as it had me out of my seat yelling at the damn TV “SOMEONE STOP HIM!!!” (as I had picked Kennedy in a 5 dollar pool). Overall, I thought this was a great match, though I am not sure if it was good enough to top the first one.
9.5/10
The Great Khali defeated Kane
This wasn’t what I would call a memorable Wrestlemania match. I mean I’ll be damned if Kane didn’t try his best to have the match come off looking good, but christ does Khali suck. I try to find SOMETHING good in every wrestler, but other than him being so damn massive and therefore a believeable unstoppable heel, he is essentially worthless. The match itself, as I said was as good as it probably could have been for a standard rules match. Nice meat hook tease but I really would have loved to see Khali get that thing shoved up his ass. Khali wins with his ONE wrestling move.
Match Rating: 3/10
Chris Benoit defeated Montell Vontavious Porter to retain the United States Title
Wooooo time for my boy Benoit. I have been a fan of Benoit since I first saw him in WCW. I, literally, have tapes upon tapes of his matches. I recorded everything he did on screen for about a 2 year period just so I could watch and study it. Tonight he’s got Terrell Owens, I mean MVP. This was a pretty average match to be honest. It wasn’t by any means bad, however it wasn’t anything spectacular. It was your typical WWE match quite frankly. I liked how MVP was wrestling hold for hold with Benoit. Maybe all of his smark critics can now shut the fuck up. Then again, they always find a reason to bitch. Anyway, MVP actually worked an body part, something you don’t see in wrestling now a days. The match ends with Benoit winning with a headbutt, which was another very NICE SURPRISE! Some may feel that I am over rating this one, but I love Benoit so…
Match Rating: 7/10
The Undertaker defeated Batista to win the World Heavyweight Championship
Once again, Smackdown gets SHIT UPON as the fourth match of the night is Taker vs. Batista. Finally, all of the rumors would be put to rest. I don’t have to hear anymore about how dumb the WWE is for ending Taker’s streak (Notice all of your fucking spoilers were wrong (not that spoilers are very definitive anyway)). The match itself was, without question, the best Batista match I have ever seen. His match with HHH at 22 sucked. His first match with JBL sucked hard. His match with Booker T sucked. This was, what Good Ol JR would call a SLOBBERKNOCKER. These 2 men went into that ring and literally beat the living shit out of each other. And let me say this, I am truly amazed that Taker is doing what he is doing at his age. Not only is he still DIVING OVER THE FUCKING TOP ROPE he took that fucked up powerslam through the ECW table. Really, does he need to do that? Hell no, but he does. So all of you critics out there who say he is too old and needs to hang it up can STFU. I just loved this match. Love the beginning with Batista charging. Loved the middle spots, like the table one, the top rope one, and we even got to see big Dave fly. That had even the smarks who were watching with us going “god damn, I didn’t know he could fly.” Taker wins it with a Tombstone. I wanted to get something out right away. I hear people saying bullshit like “You knew as soon as he hit the tombstone it was over” which I can understand. However these are the same morons who say “Well Cena getting a quick roll up on Umaga at New Years Revolution was so dumb”. WHICH IS IT PEOPLE!? DO YOU WANT SOMETHING TO MAKE SENSE OR DO YOU WANT IT TO BE UNPREDICTABLE!!!!! I have said it before and I will say it again, smarks suck ALL OF THE FUN out of wrestling. This match SHOULD have been the main event, but alas it wasn’t. This was however my second favorite match of the night.
Match Rating: 9/10
The ECW Originals defeated The New Breed
Aerial is fucking hot, but THERE IS NO SUCH THING AS A TANNED VAMPIRE!!!! Another solid, yet unspectacular match. And I’m not really high on any of the ECW originals anyway but they all meshed really well during this match. This match actually had very good old school booking. The big man from the heel team did the most damage. Everyone got a chance to get some great offense in, especially Elijah Burke, who is supposedly the “star” of the new ECW. Then again, the same report that said that, said that the New Breed was gonna win, so take that for what its worth. Sabu almost broke his own neck again when he took his tumble outside, I was actually a little scared for a second but I should know by now, it takes more than that to hold down a guy like that. BTW, that Dreamer DDT/Neck Breaker combo, just awesome. RVD gets the 5-Star and the win.
Match Rating: 7/10
Bobby Lashley w/ Donald Trump defeated Umaga w/Vince McMahon in the Battle Of The Billionaires
I love straight up fist fights, and that’s what we got here. Bobby Lashley pretty much dominated early. He wouldn’t get Umaga get up and Stone Cold asserted his authority. Armando tries to interfere but Stone Cold allows Bobby to huck his ass out of the ring. Umaga tries to get Lashley from behind but Lashley sends him flying out of the ring in a way I didn’t think Umaga could fly. Lashley tries a speak on Umaga which sends Bobby out much in the same way, again, I didn’t know he could do that. The match then went back and forth from there on out. Vince tries to get involved and gets knocked off the apron for his trouble. Shane comes in to check on daddy. The match goes back and forth until Austin grabs Umaga to pull him off Lashley again. Shane gets up and interferes allowing Umaga to score with the Samoan Spike on Austin. Shane gets in the ring and goes coast to coast on Lashley. Shane pulls off his nice shirt to reveal a refs shirt. Shane counts to 2 before Austin pulls him out and drills him. Austin tries to get back in again but is taken out again. This leads to the Don jumping on Vince, Lashley getting the spear on Umaga and Vince getting his head shaved. That was perhaps the greatest moment in Wrestlemania history! It all ends with Stunners all around (except on Lashley), even on the Don. Great match.
Match Rating: 8/10
Melina defeated Ashley in a Lumberjill Match to retain the WWE Women’s Title
My first question is, who the hell were some of those women out there. There about 4 I didn’t recognize. Anyway, this match was not so good. Melina tries to run away at the beginning, good luck with that. To be honest there was a lot of sloppy wrestling in this match, but you can tell these 2 girls were at least trying to make it look good. BTW, how many raccoons do you think died to make Melina’s coat? Anyway it ended shortly and abruptly with Melina getting a quick pin. Good, I like surprises. After its all over, we have a giant CAT FIGHT, CAT FIGHT, CAT FIGHT! No boobie slips though. Sad story.
Match Rating: 4/10
John Cena defeated Shawn Michaels to retain the WWE Title
Before the festivities can begin we get a streaker. Good for him, he got taken out and Shawn waved bye bye and then the two stared down leading to an HBK bitch slap. I wont go with a spot by spot breakdown as the match was very long however I will say this was classic wrestling yet again. HBK worked over a body part, being Cena’s knee for a good portion of the match. Cena tried to fend him off however it didn’t really work. We got an Assiee moonsault to the table from HBK and then a piledriver on the steps. We see tease after tease after tease of finishers. Cena eventually gets the win with the STFU. This would have been the match of the night for me had it not been for Cena fucking no selling his leg after it was worked on for damn near a half hour. I couldn’t believe it. I seriously fucking hate it when people do that shit. It is my biggest pet peeve while I watch wrestling because it just throws me off. Its like you are looking at a beautiful white wall and there is one little black spot and you cant take your god damn eyes off of it. It was a great match regardless, but man did that piss me off.
Match Rating: 8.5/10
Now the final grade came out to a C on my scale but that is a very deceptive grade. In all honesty, this is now my 3rd favorite Wrestlemania behind WM 8 and WM 20 respectively. I think it will DEFINITELY be worth the 19.99 I pay for it on DVD.
NSZ Fact or Fiction
Welcome to the first installment of Fact Or Fiction. For those of you who don’t know how this works, I will give each panelist a statement and they will give their opinion on whether or not it is Fact or Fiction and why they believe that. Its rather simple. On our panel we have Moderators 3lions, and Soulpower. We also have a longtime poster on these forums in Axis. And finally rounding out the panel we have me! Now that we have introductions out of the way, LETS GET IT ON!
Fact or Fiction: Wrestlemania 23 was hurt by booking both of the main event title matches as face vs. face
Soulpower: Fiction... Nowadays the fans decide who to boo and who to cheer for, so this doesn't make much of a difference. If anything WM 23 is hurt by the booking of the undercard. Matches like Khali-Kane and Ashley vs Melina don't exactly make me think of the grandest stage of them all.
Kaedon: I say Fiction. I don’t think it has been hurt that much, if at all. It also leaves the door open for someone to turn as well. That being said, I like a nice heel/face feud. I think it would have been awesome to have Batista turn monster heel because I believe that is the role he is best suited for. A guy who just destroys people. Then again face/face feuds have been done well in the past. While I hated the match, I cant think of many bigger feuds than Hogan/Warrior.
Axis: Fiction. WrestleMania wasn’t hurt by face vs face per se. It was hurt by who was in the face vs face matches. You can’t pit Batista against Undertaker and expect both to get monstrous face pops. The same could be said for Cena vs Michaels, though to a lesser extent. I think that a double face vs face Main Event could have been huge, but only if the individual matches were huge in and of themselves. Triple H vs Shawn Michaels and Undertaker vs Chris Benoit is more like it.
3lions: Imo, WWE were not hurt at hurt by booking the two ME's as face/face battles. This is actually a refreshing change, as most ME's have consisted of the classic heel/face battles. WWE has been stuck in a funk the past few years, where the WM ME's have be by-and-large, very similar (heel/face and triple threat matches), so I feel WWE have made the correct move in booking face/face ME's. Also, the WWE's current target audience is the younger generation, who are largely fans and supporters of the ME faces in the company. By booking the top four babyfaces in the company to face off in the two ME's at the biggest PPV on the year, it almost guarantees increased buyrates and ensures that interest in the ME's are the highest possible (in theory anyway). Also, it isn't necessarily who is booked for the ME matches, whether they be face/heel. The main issue is how well the feuds are booked and, imo, this years ME's have been built up very well and I am genuinely interested and excited to see these matches take place.
To conclude:Fiction
Fact or Fiction: The WWE will continue with the interbrand matches but it will eventually forego the roster split and combine BACK into one WWE.
Soulpower: Fiction... Vince makes more money as long as the rosters remain the way they are. Two guys from RAW will compete in a SD show and vice versa, but that's about as far as it will go... for now.
Kaedon: For now I’m going to say Fiction and for one reason. That is because there is just TOO MUCH talent to cram all onto one show under one giant flag. There simply wouldn’t be enough TV time to try and make bigger stars as opposed to just shuffling the ones we have now all over and over. I honestly think this is way better than the days when we had 4 hours of programming with the same guys main eventing. You run the risk of overexposure.
Axis: Fiction. The WWE will continue the interbrand matches, but we will still have two separate brands. Vince knows that by creating more than one identity, he’s able to grab hold of a larger fanbase. If the entire WWE was Smackdown, they could have trouble hooking in teenagers. If it was all Raw, they’d have trouble getting younger fans and pure wrestling fans. The way he has it now isn’t great for either side, but it’s good for both.
3lions: Although there is a possiblity that the interbranding of PPV's in WWE could signal the end of the brand extension, I find it highly unlikely. This decision has been very successful for WWE since 2001 and has ensures that new stars are able to be made and can progress at a more natural pace (as they don't necessarily need to be thrown into the ME straight away (although this does occur)). Also, if the brand extension were to be cancelled, it would result in the release of a large amount of the current WWE roster and could possibly hurt the ratings/buyrates WWE recieve, as viewers could see their 'favourites' get released and thus lose interest in the product. Also, there is a bigger issue which could dictate the future of the brand extension. There are rumours that the WWE could be branching out into other markets, with the vision of creating a Global brand, with several WWE Brands operating in different markets (e.g. WWE Europe, WWE Asia, etc). If this move were to happen, the brand extension would end in America and would see the stars compete on Raw/SD!/ECW ... but would see much of the roster being sent to other 'Brands.' So although the brand extension (as we currently know it) would end, it would continue in another capacity.
To conclude: Fiction
Fact or Fiction: The release of Joey Mercury was solely a reaction to the SI article and would not have happened had the article not been released.
Soulpower: Fact... After the bad publicity, the WWE needed to do something. Mercury had failed a drug test before, but the fact that article came out probably led Vince to fire Joey instead of just suspending him for a certain amount of time.
Kaedon: Fact. I believe this wholeheartedly. Had it not been for that damn article, we would get more MNM/Hardyz/London and Kendrick matches in the future. I like Joey Mercury and Johnny Nitro. I think if he would have gotten over that severe lack of charisma and ring presence with the fans, he could have had a kick ass run in the WWE.
Axis: Fiction. I don’t think we know enough about the story to make an assumption like that. I’m not totally doing away with the idea that the article could have been a deciding factor, but I assume there’s far more to it.
3lions:There is no way to prove this theory either way, although it is highly plausable that this is the case. Reports have stated that WWE made an example of Joey Mercury, as a publicity stunt. They also stated that once he cleans himself up, he has a spot in the company. That is another suggestion that his release came as a result of the SI article. However, it is common knowledge that WWE are high on Nitro as a singles star and are reluctant to keep MNM as a unit, so Joey's release could be down to this too (as WWE had no ideas how to use Mercury).
To conclude: (undecided, so) Fiction
Fact or Fiction: Owen Hart is more deserving of a Hall Of Fame spot beside his brother Bret than Eddie Guerrero.
Soulpower: I'm torn on this one because I've always been a fan of Owen... I'll say Fiction because both guys had long careers, but only Eddie won the world title, not only that but he was scheduled to win the title back on the days of his death. Owen while great in the ring could never manage to get over that hump.
Kaedon:Definitely Fiction. Look, I like Owen as much as the next person. I remember the night he died very vividly. I even put an O.H. on my backpack for the next 2 years. But I don’t think he disserves the HOF over Eddie Guerrero. He never won the WWE title and he was a midcarder at best. The only time he ever, in my eyes, got a legit main event run was when he was feuding with his own brother. Face facts, he wasn’t a main event wrestler. Eddie Guerrero on the other hand had the ability to make anybody, and I mean ANYBODY look good. Do you think Owen Hart could have made JBL look as good as Eddie did? I seriously doubt it.
Axis: Fiction. Really, I don’t think Eddie should have gotten in this soon, but there’s no doubt he belongs in front of Owen Hart. The Hall of Fame is all about legacy, or at least that’s what I think it should be about. Eddie Guerrero is a former World, US, European, Intercontinental, and tag team champion. He’s done it all. People will watch a match and remember him, and that’s what it’s about. We’ll never again see three suplexes in a row, a frog splash, or a staged DQ of an opponent without thinking about Eddie. What do we have to remember Owen? Bret? That’s about it. A last name isn’t enough to plant somebody into the HOF.
3lions: The key word in this statement is “deserving.” That changes the outlook of this statement greatly. Owen had a very good career in WWE and had the ability to go on and become a ME player in the company. However, due to his fatal accident, he could never fulfill his potential. However, there are those who believe Owen weren't ME worthy and is only considered to be ME-potential, because he died in the WWE ring. However, Eddie won every major title there was to win in WWE and was a major player towards the end of his career/life and wrestled for the three biggest wrestling companies the US have seen (WWE/WCW/ECW). He went out at the top of his game and was a legit legend in this industry. Imo, Eddie is more deserving of the spot, as he had a much longer career and fulfilled his ability. It is unfair to say that Owen 'deserves' his spot more than Eddie, just because he died in a WWE ring. Bottom line is, they both deserve their spot in the HOF.
To conclude: Fiction
Fact or Fiction: As of right now, Bobby Lashley has the best chance of winning the 2008 Royal Rumble.
Soulpower: Fiction... If anything Lashley will be contending for one of the World Titles at the RR, so he won't even be in the match. And with the way that Vince loves his big men, it wouldn't be a stretch to have Lashley remain the ECW champ until January.
Kaedon: Fact, without a doubt. I think after this Battle Of The Billionaires he is going to be solidified as a legit main event threat for the coming year and next and I see him main eventing WM 24 after flat out destroying everyone in the Royal Rumble ala Brock Lesnar.
Axis: Much to my chagrin, Fact. Granted, a whole lot of things could change between now and then, I just don’t see anybody else grabbing it. With the WWE’s euphoric nature the last few years, I don’t see a heel winning it. With a legend winning it in ’07, I think Vince will want to use ’08 to push somebody to the moon. That really only leaves Lashley and John Cena, who will probably be holding the title at that point.
3lions: There is no proof to suggest this. The RR is NINE months away and there is no way to tell who will win the RR. Nobody would have thought that the Undertaker would win this years RR (not many anyway) and the same applies for next years RR. There is a long road until that event and many, many things could happen until that event takes place (injuries, suspensions, releases, loss of interest, other rising stars, etc.).
To conclude: Fiction
So that does it for the first edition of Fact Or Fiction, I hope you all enjoyed it. I sure had a lot of fun writing it and I bet you asked my cohorts, theyd say the same. Id like to thank them for taking the time from their probably busy schedules to help make my column better. I truly am greatful. Now before I get done here, Id like to take you somewhere. And that somewhere is....THE FUTURE!!!! OOOOOOOOOOOOOOEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO
Predictions for 2007/Early 2008
Unfortunately, I will not be here to give you these predictions so I am turning it over to my good friend “Karnack The Great”.
YEEEES and welcome to The No Smark Zone’s predictions for the next year. My year starts and ends with Wrestlemania so lets get on with it…*holds an envelope up to his head*
-Bobby Lashley and Randy Orton will BOTH main event Wrestlemania 24
-Ric Flair will be inducted into the WWE Hall Of Fame
-The Undertaker will have a WWE Title or WHC run.
-Ken Kennedy will challenge and defeat John Cena for the WWE Title.
-Johnny Nitro will be promoted to a legit upper midcard status
-Mickey James will regain the WWE Women’s Title
-The Highlanders will be released
-The WWE will continue with its interbrand matches on a regular basis which will lead to the big titles switching brands.
-The Undertaker will NOT retire like so many have speculated
-Johnny Nitro and Melina will split
-Carlito will turn heel
-Deuce and Domino will have a short lived comeback and will then be released
-Paul London and Brian Kendrick will split up after being the longest reigning tag team champions in WWE history.
-TNA will NOT go above a 1.5 in the ratings
-The Great Khali will be released
-John Cena will lose the WWE title and not regain it for the rest of the year
-Batista will lose his title and WILL regain it before Wrestlemania
-Umaga will have AT LEAST a 6 month reign as the Intercontinental Champion after Wrestlemania
-The Boogeyman, Hornswaggle, and The Miz will all be released
-JBL will make a return for ONE match
-The Rock and Hulk Hogan will NOT return to the WWE
-MVP will win WWE gold.
Thank you Karnack. And that’s it for this edition of the No Smark Zone. I know this is a lot to digest and I do appreciate you reading all the way to the end. I want to thank all of you who leave comments as well as my fellow Fact or Fictionites for contributing because this column would have sucked without them. Until next time…see you on the flip side!
Welcome to the second edition of the No Smark Zone. In today’s edition we have a review of Wrestlemania, the first ever No Smark Zone “Fact or Fiction” and a look into the future of the WWE.
The Wrestlemania Review
Before I get too far into this, I wanted to say I thought the set was phenomenal. It changed for almost everyone and it came off as looking fucking awesome on TV! I will always be amazed at the production of the WWE. They always find a way to top themselves, year after year, PPV after PPV. Ok now onto the show…
We start off with a slightly more robust Aretha Franklin and a kick ass Gospel Choir singing “America The Beautiful.” This lead to the text message of the night from my best friend Kevin “I didn’t know Jabba The Hut could sing.” Bwahahahaaha. I know its mean, but that doesn’t make it less funny.
Mr. Kennedy defeated Edge, Jeff Hardy, Matt Hardy, Randy Orton, Booker T, Finlay and CM Punk in the Money In The Bank Ladder Match
I was kinda surprised this one started out the show. In all honesty, it was a good choice, however I woulda saved it for later in the card. I was unsure as to how the match would start. Would they pair off? Would everyone go for a ladder? Or would everyone just jump start the match. We essentially got the jump start with Kennedy going for a ladder and Orton giving chase. Throughout the match, we see almost everyone get a flurry of offense in. Orton, The Hardys, Punk, even Booker T and Finlay. The match also had its share of interesting spots. An RKO off the top of the ladder, a Bookend from the middle of the ladder, and the Celtic Cross on a fallen ladder. The sick spot with Jeff and Edge was just recockulous. I didn’t think the WWE would go that far again, but I was wrong, and boy was I glad I was. That was really refreshing to see again. The match also had its share of comedy as Hornswaggle’s step ladder came into play early and the little bastard took a Green Bay Plunge off the ladder from fellow Wisconsinite (w00t w00t) Ken Kennedy. The tease at Punk winning was a nice touch as it had me out of my seat yelling at the damn TV “SOMEONE STOP HIM!!!” (as I had picked Kennedy in a 5 dollar pool). Overall, I thought this was a great match, though I am not sure if it was good enough to top the first one.
9.5/10
The Great Khali defeated Kane
This wasn’t what I would call a memorable Wrestlemania match. I mean I’ll be damned if Kane didn’t try his best to have the match come off looking good, but christ does Khali suck. I try to find SOMETHING good in every wrestler, but other than him being so damn massive and therefore a believeable unstoppable heel, he is essentially worthless. The match itself, as I said was as good as it probably could have been for a standard rules match. Nice meat hook tease but I really would have loved to see Khali get that thing shoved up his ass. Khali wins with his ONE wrestling move.
Match Rating: 3/10
Chris Benoit defeated Montell Vontavious Porter to retain the United States Title
Wooooo time for my boy Benoit. I have been a fan of Benoit since I first saw him in WCW. I, literally, have tapes upon tapes of his matches. I recorded everything he did on screen for about a 2 year period just so I could watch and study it. Tonight he’s got Terrell Owens, I mean MVP. This was a pretty average match to be honest. It wasn’t by any means bad, however it wasn’t anything spectacular. It was your typical WWE match quite frankly. I liked how MVP was wrestling hold for hold with Benoit. Maybe all of his smark critics can now shut the fuck up. Then again, they always find a reason to bitch. Anyway, MVP actually worked an body part, something you don’t see in wrestling now a days. The match ends with Benoit winning with a headbutt, which was another very NICE SURPRISE! Some may feel that I am over rating this one, but I love Benoit so…
Match Rating: 7/10
The Undertaker defeated Batista to win the World Heavyweight Championship
Once again, Smackdown gets SHIT UPON as the fourth match of the night is Taker vs. Batista. Finally, all of the rumors would be put to rest. I don’t have to hear anymore about how dumb the WWE is for ending Taker’s streak (Notice all of your fucking spoilers were wrong (not that spoilers are very definitive anyway)). The match itself was, without question, the best Batista match I have ever seen. His match with HHH at 22 sucked. His first match with JBL sucked hard. His match with Booker T sucked. This was, what Good Ol JR would call a SLOBBERKNOCKER. These 2 men went into that ring and literally beat the living shit out of each other. And let me say this, I am truly amazed that Taker is doing what he is doing at his age. Not only is he still DIVING OVER THE FUCKING TOP ROPE he took that fucked up powerslam through the ECW table. Really, does he need to do that? Hell no, but he does. So all of you critics out there who say he is too old and needs to hang it up can STFU. I just loved this match. Love the beginning with Batista charging. Loved the middle spots, like the table one, the top rope one, and we even got to see big Dave fly. That had even the smarks who were watching with us going “god damn, I didn’t know he could fly.” Taker wins it with a Tombstone. I wanted to get something out right away. I hear people saying bullshit like “You knew as soon as he hit the tombstone it was over” which I can understand. However these are the same morons who say “Well Cena getting a quick roll up on Umaga at New Years Revolution was so dumb”. WHICH IS IT PEOPLE!? DO YOU WANT SOMETHING TO MAKE SENSE OR DO YOU WANT IT TO BE UNPREDICTABLE!!!!! I have said it before and I will say it again, smarks suck ALL OF THE FUN out of wrestling. This match SHOULD have been the main event, but alas it wasn’t. This was however my second favorite match of the night.
Match Rating: 9/10
The ECW Originals defeated The New Breed
Aerial is fucking hot, but THERE IS NO SUCH THING AS A TANNED VAMPIRE!!!! Another solid, yet unspectacular match. And I’m not really high on any of the ECW originals anyway but they all meshed really well during this match. This match actually had very good old school booking. The big man from the heel team did the most damage. Everyone got a chance to get some great offense in, especially Elijah Burke, who is supposedly the “star” of the new ECW. Then again, the same report that said that, said that the New Breed was gonna win, so take that for what its worth. Sabu almost broke his own neck again when he took his tumble outside, I was actually a little scared for a second but I should know by now, it takes more than that to hold down a guy like that. BTW, that Dreamer DDT/Neck Breaker combo, just awesome. RVD gets the 5-Star and the win.
Match Rating: 7/10
Bobby Lashley w/ Donald Trump defeated Umaga w/Vince McMahon in the Battle Of The Billionaires
I love straight up fist fights, and that’s what we got here. Bobby Lashley pretty much dominated early. He wouldn’t get Umaga get up and Stone Cold asserted his authority. Armando tries to interfere but Stone Cold allows Bobby to huck his ass out of the ring. Umaga tries to get Lashley from behind but Lashley sends him flying out of the ring in a way I didn’t think Umaga could fly. Lashley tries a speak on Umaga which sends Bobby out much in the same way, again, I didn’t know he could do that. The match then went back and forth from there on out. Vince tries to get involved and gets knocked off the apron for his trouble. Shane comes in to check on daddy. The match goes back and forth until Austin grabs Umaga to pull him off Lashley again. Shane gets up and interferes allowing Umaga to score with the Samoan Spike on Austin. Shane gets in the ring and goes coast to coast on Lashley. Shane pulls off his nice shirt to reveal a refs shirt. Shane counts to 2 before Austin pulls him out and drills him. Austin tries to get back in again but is taken out again. This leads to the Don jumping on Vince, Lashley getting the spear on Umaga and Vince getting his head shaved. That was perhaps the greatest moment in Wrestlemania history! It all ends with Stunners all around (except on Lashley), even on the Don. Great match.
Match Rating: 8/10
Melina defeated Ashley in a Lumberjill Match to retain the WWE Women’s Title
My first question is, who the hell were some of those women out there. There about 4 I didn’t recognize. Anyway, this match was not so good. Melina tries to run away at the beginning, good luck with that. To be honest there was a lot of sloppy wrestling in this match, but you can tell these 2 girls were at least trying to make it look good. BTW, how many raccoons do you think died to make Melina’s coat? Anyway it ended shortly and abruptly with Melina getting a quick pin. Good, I like surprises. After its all over, we have a giant CAT FIGHT, CAT FIGHT, CAT FIGHT! No boobie slips though. Sad story.
Match Rating: 4/10
John Cena defeated Shawn Michaels to retain the WWE Title
Before the festivities can begin we get a streaker. Good for him, he got taken out and Shawn waved bye bye and then the two stared down leading to an HBK bitch slap. I wont go with a spot by spot breakdown as the match was very long however I will say this was classic wrestling yet again. HBK worked over a body part, being Cena’s knee for a good portion of the match. Cena tried to fend him off however it didn’t really work. We got an Assiee moonsault to the table from HBK and then a piledriver on the steps. We see tease after tease after tease of finishers. Cena eventually gets the win with the STFU. This would have been the match of the night for me had it not been for Cena fucking no selling his leg after it was worked on for damn near a half hour. I couldn’t believe it. I seriously fucking hate it when people do that shit. It is my biggest pet peeve while I watch wrestling because it just throws me off. Its like you are looking at a beautiful white wall and there is one little black spot and you cant take your god damn eyes off of it. It was a great match regardless, but man did that piss me off.
Match Rating: 8.5/10
Now the final grade came out to a C on my scale but that is a very deceptive grade. In all honesty, this is now my 3rd favorite Wrestlemania behind WM 8 and WM 20 respectively. I think it will DEFINITELY be worth the 19.99 I pay for it on DVD.
NSZ Fact or Fiction
Welcome to the first installment of Fact Or Fiction. For those of you who don’t know how this works, I will give each panelist a statement and they will give their opinion on whether or not it is Fact or Fiction and why they believe that. Its rather simple. On our panel we have Moderators 3lions, and Soulpower. We also have a longtime poster on these forums in Axis. And finally rounding out the panel we have me! Now that we have introductions out of the way, LETS GET IT ON!
Fact or Fiction: Wrestlemania 23 was hurt by booking both of the main event title matches as face vs. face
Soulpower: Fiction... Nowadays the fans decide who to boo and who to cheer for, so this doesn't make much of a difference. If anything WM 23 is hurt by the booking of the undercard. Matches like Khali-Kane and Ashley vs Melina don't exactly make me think of the grandest stage of them all.
Kaedon: I say Fiction. I don’t think it has been hurt that much, if at all. It also leaves the door open for someone to turn as well. That being said, I like a nice heel/face feud. I think it would have been awesome to have Batista turn monster heel because I believe that is the role he is best suited for. A guy who just destroys people. Then again face/face feuds have been done well in the past. While I hated the match, I cant think of many bigger feuds than Hogan/Warrior.
Axis: Fiction. WrestleMania wasn’t hurt by face vs face per se. It was hurt by who was in the face vs face matches. You can’t pit Batista against Undertaker and expect both to get monstrous face pops. The same could be said for Cena vs Michaels, though to a lesser extent. I think that a double face vs face Main Event could have been huge, but only if the individual matches were huge in and of themselves. Triple H vs Shawn Michaels and Undertaker vs Chris Benoit is more like it.
3lions: Imo, WWE were not hurt at hurt by booking the two ME's as face/face battles. This is actually a refreshing change, as most ME's have consisted of the classic heel/face battles. WWE has been stuck in a funk the past few years, where the WM ME's have be by-and-large, very similar (heel/face and triple threat matches), so I feel WWE have made the correct move in booking face/face ME's. Also, the WWE's current target audience is the younger generation, who are largely fans and supporters of the ME faces in the company. By booking the top four babyfaces in the company to face off in the two ME's at the biggest PPV on the year, it almost guarantees increased buyrates and ensures that interest in the ME's are the highest possible (in theory anyway). Also, it isn't necessarily who is booked for the ME matches, whether they be face/heel. The main issue is how well the feuds are booked and, imo, this years ME's have been built up very well and I am genuinely interested and excited to see these matches take place.
To conclude:Fiction
Fact or Fiction: The WWE will continue with the interbrand matches but it will eventually forego the roster split and combine BACK into one WWE.
Soulpower: Fiction... Vince makes more money as long as the rosters remain the way they are. Two guys from RAW will compete in a SD show and vice versa, but that's about as far as it will go... for now.
Kaedon: For now I’m going to say Fiction and for one reason. That is because there is just TOO MUCH talent to cram all onto one show under one giant flag. There simply wouldn’t be enough TV time to try and make bigger stars as opposed to just shuffling the ones we have now all over and over. I honestly think this is way better than the days when we had 4 hours of programming with the same guys main eventing. You run the risk of overexposure.
Axis: Fiction. The WWE will continue the interbrand matches, but we will still have two separate brands. Vince knows that by creating more than one identity, he’s able to grab hold of a larger fanbase. If the entire WWE was Smackdown, they could have trouble hooking in teenagers. If it was all Raw, they’d have trouble getting younger fans and pure wrestling fans. The way he has it now isn’t great for either side, but it’s good for both.
3lions: Although there is a possiblity that the interbranding of PPV's in WWE could signal the end of the brand extension, I find it highly unlikely. This decision has been very successful for WWE since 2001 and has ensures that new stars are able to be made and can progress at a more natural pace (as they don't necessarily need to be thrown into the ME straight away (although this does occur)). Also, if the brand extension were to be cancelled, it would result in the release of a large amount of the current WWE roster and could possibly hurt the ratings/buyrates WWE recieve, as viewers could see their 'favourites' get released and thus lose interest in the product. Also, there is a bigger issue which could dictate the future of the brand extension. There are rumours that the WWE could be branching out into other markets, with the vision of creating a Global brand, with several WWE Brands operating in different markets (e.g. WWE Europe, WWE Asia, etc). If this move were to happen, the brand extension would end in America and would see the stars compete on Raw/SD!/ECW ... but would see much of the roster being sent to other 'Brands.' So although the brand extension (as we currently know it) would end, it would continue in another capacity.
To conclude: Fiction
Fact or Fiction: The release of Joey Mercury was solely a reaction to the SI article and would not have happened had the article not been released.
Soulpower: Fact... After the bad publicity, the WWE needed to do something. Mercury had failed a drug test before, but the fact that article came out probably led Vince to fire Joey instead of just suspending him for a certain amount of time.
Kaedon: Fact. I believe this wholeheartedly. Had it not been for that damn article, we would get more MNM/Hardyz/London and Kendrick matches in the future. I like Joey Mercury and Johnny Nitro. I think if he would have gotten over that severe lack of charisma and ring presence with the fans, he could have had a kick ass run in the WWE.
Axis: Fiction. I don’t think we know enough about the story to make an assumption like that. I’m not totally doing away with the idea that the article could have been a deciding factor, but I assume there’s far more to it.
3lions:There is no way to prove this theory either way, although it is highly plausable that this is the case. Reports have stated that WWE made an example of Joey Mercury, as a publicity stunt. They also stated that once he cleans himself up, he has a spot in the company. That is another suggestion that his release came as a result of the SI article. However, it is common knowledge that WWE are high on Nitro as a singles star and are reluctant to keep MNM as a unit, so Joey's release could be down to this too (as WWE had no ideas how to use Mercury).
To conclude: (undecided, so) Fiction
Fact or Fiction: Owen Hart is more deserving of a Hall Of Fame spot beside his brother Bret than Eddie Guerrero.
Soulpower: I'm torn on this one because I've always been a fan of Owen... I'll say Fiction because both guys had long careers, but only Eddie won the world title, not only that but he was scheduled to win the title back on the days of his death. Owen while great in the ring could never manage to get over that hump.
Kaedon:Definitely Fiction. Look, I like Owen as much as the next person. I remember the night he died very vividly. I even put an O.H. on my backpack for the next 2 years. But I don’t think he disserves the HOF over Eddie Guerrero. He never won the WWE title and he was a midcarder at best. The only time he ever, in my eyes, got a legit main event run was when he was feuding with his own brother. Face facts, he wasn’t a main event wrestler. Eddie Guerrero on the other hand had the ability to make anybody, and I mean ANYBODY look good. Do you think Owen Hart could have made JBL look as good as Eddie did? I seriously doubt it.
Axis: Fiction. Really, I don’t think Eddie should have gotten in this soon, but there’s no doubt he belongs in front of Owen Hart. The Hall of Fame is all about legacy, or at least that’s what I think it should be about. Eddie Guerrero is a former World, US, European, Intercontinental, and tag team champion. He’s done it all. People will watch a match and remember him, and that’s what it’s about. We’ll never again see three suplexes in a row, a frog splash, or a staged DQ of an opponent without thinking about Eddie. What do we have to remember Owen? Bret? That’s about it. A last name isn’t enough to plant somebody into the HOF.
3lions: The key word in this statement is “deserving.” That changes the outlook of this statement greatly. Owen had a very good career in WWE and had the ability to go on and become a ME player in the company. However, due to his fatal accident, he could never fulfill his potential. However, there are those who believe Owen weren't ME worthy and is only considered to be ME-potential, because he died in the WWE ring. However, Eddie won every major title there was to win in WWE and was a major player towards the end of his career/life and wrestled for the three biggest wrestling companies the US have seen (WWE/WCW/ECW). He went out at the top of his game and was a legit legend in this industry. Imo, Eddie is more deserving of the spot, as he had a much longer career and fulfilled his ability. It is unfair to say that Owen 'deserves' his spot more than Eddie, just because he died in a WWE ring. Bottom line is, they both deserve their spot in the HOF.
To conclude: Fiction
Fact or Fiction: As of right now, Bobby Lashley has the best chance of winning the 2008 Royal Rumble.
Soulpower: Fiction... If anything Lashley will be contending for one of the World Titles at the RR, so he won't even be in the match. And with the way that Vince loves his big men, it wouldn't be a stretch to have Lashley remain the ECW champ until January.
Kaedon: Fact, without a doubt. I think after this Battle Of The Billionaires he is going to be solidified as a legit main event threat for the coming year and next and I see him main eventing WM 24 after flat out destroying everyone in the Royal Rumble ala Brock Lesnar.
Axis: Much to my chagrin, Fact. Granted, a whole lot of things could change between now and then, I just don’t see anybody else grabbing it. With the WWE’s euphoric nature the last few years, I don’t see a heel winning it. With a legend winning it in ’07, I think Vince will want to use ’08 to push somebody to the moon. That really only leaves Lashley and John Cena, who will probably be holding the title at that point.
3lions: There is no proof to suggest this. The RR is NINE months away and there is no way to tell who will win the RR. Nobody would have thought that the Undertaker would win this years RR (not many anyway) and the same applies for next years RR. There is a long road until that event and many, many things could happen until that event takes place (injuries, suspensions, releases, loss of interest, other rising stars, etc.).
To conclude: Fiction
So that does it for the first edition of Fact Or Fiction, I hope you all enjoyed it. I sure had a lot of fun writing it and I bet you asked my cohorts, theyd say the same. Id like to thank them for taking the time from their probably busy schedules to help make my column better. I truly am greatful. Now before I get done here, Id like to take you somewhere. And that somewhere is....THE FUTURE!!!! OOOOOOOOOOOOOOEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO
Predictions for 2007/Early 2008
Unfortunately, I will not be here to give you these predictions so I am turning it over to my good friend “Karnack The Great”.
YEEEES and welcome to The No Smark Zone’s predictions for the next year. My year starts and ends with Wrestlemania so lets get on with it…*holds an envelope up to his head*
-Bobby Lashley and Randy Orton will BOTH main event Wrestlemania 24
-Ric Flair will be inducted into the WWE Hall Of Fame
-The Undertaker will have a WWE Title or WHC run.
-Ken Kennedy will challenge and defeat John Cena for the WWE Title.
-Johnny Nitro will be promoted to a legit upper midcard status
-Mickey James will regain the WWE Women’s Title
-The Highlanders will be released
-The WWE will continue with its interbrand matches on a regular basis which will lead to the big titles switching brands.
-The Undertaker will NOT retire like so many have speculated
-Johnny Nitro and Melina will split
-Carlito will turn heel
-Deuce and Domino will have a short lived comeback and will then be released
-Paul London and Brian Kendrick will split up after being the longest reigning tag team champions in WWE history.
-TNA will NOT go above a 1.5 in the ratings
-The Great Khali will be released
-John Cena will lose the WWE title and not regain it for the rest of the year
-Batista will lose his title and WILL regain it before Wrestlemania
-Umaga will have AT LEAST a 6 month reign as the Intercontinental Champion after Wrestlemania
-The Boogeyman, Hornswaggle, and The Miz will all be released
-JBL will make a return for ONE match
-The Rock and Hulk Hogan will NOT return to the WWE
-MVP will win WWE gold.
Thank you Karnack. And that’s it for this edition of the No Smark Zone. I know this is a lot to digest and I do appreciate you reading all the way to the end. I want to thank all of you who leave comments as well as my fellow Fact or Fictionites for contributing because this column would have sucked without them. Until next time…see you on the flip side!
and can you also change the 1 to a 2 in the title?