UWF: THE RUNDOWN
1/27/14 EDITION
"DON'T BE A POPE ON MY PRIDE PARADE"
#1 FANDANGO & ETHAN CARTER III
The Modern Day Double Dragons were able to retain their tag titles on Smackdown when they faced off against the (totally fabulous) T.I.O.C. In a bout that was described as "aggressively over the top", "piranhas", and "the greatest tag team match in all of wrestling ever", the champs kept their gold at the cost of gallons and gallons of blood. And that's cool. So cool. They are also the first tag team to top THE RUNDOWN in over 400 years.
#2 EDDIE GUERRERO
The Latino Heat proved much too hot for the Dead Man when they clashed on Raw. While their bout was entertaining, though, the post match proved to be much more interesting when Kane used his powers of teleportation and total darkness to rescue his bro from Eddie's Hispanic savagery. For the record, Kane not using these same powers during his matches all the time is like that crazy red wizard lady (lover of Stanis) in Game of Thrones only using her shadow assassin baby to kill somebody on a single occasion. Any damn nerd with a golf pencil can try and explain that to me, but at the end of the day, I figure if it works, then, ya know, work it. Also, Eddie may or may not have killed Chavo.
#3 SHAWN MICHAELS
We at THE RUNDOWN can't tell if HBK is supposed to be the face of Raw or something, but disirregardless of who they "good guy" really is, we wholly support Tyson Kidd in his quest for championship gold. As such, Michael's DQ win over Sandow after an assault from said number one contender was a real treat for us, and we look forward to the stunning conclusion of this feud at the Rumble.
1/27/14 EDITION
"DON'T BE A POPE ON MY PRIDE PARADE"
#1 FANDANGO & ETHAN CARTER III
The Modern Day Double Dragons were able to retain their tag titles on Smackdown when they faced off against the (totally fabulous) T.I.O.C. In a bout that was described as "aggressively over the top", "piranhas", and "the greatest tag team match in all of wrestling ever", the champs kept their gold at the cost of gallons and gallons of blood. And that's cool. So cool. They are also the first tag team to top THE RUNDOWN in over 400 years.
#2 EDDIE GUERRERO
The Latino Heat proved much too hot for the Dead Man when they clashed on Raw. While their bout was entertaining, though, the post match proved to be much more interesting when Kane used his powers of teleportation and total darkness to rescue his bro from Eddie's Hispanic savagery. For the record, Kane not using these same powers during his matches all the time is like that crazy red wizard lady (lover of Stanis) in Game of Thrones only using her shadow assassin baby to kill somebody on a single occasion. Any damn nerd with a golf pencil can try and explain that to me, but at the end of the day, I figure if it works, then, ya know, work it. Also, Eddie may or may not have killed Chavo.
#3 SHAWN MICHAELS
We at THE RUNDOWN can't tell if HBK is supposed to be the face of Raw or something, but disirregardless of who they "good guy" really is, we wholly support Tyson Kidd in his quest for championship gold. As such, Michael's DQ win over Sandow after an assault from said number one contender was a real treat for us, and we look forward to the stunning conclusion of this feud at the Rumble.
#4 SHARK BOY & PAUL BURCHILL
66.6% of C.U.N.T. looked more than up to snuff as they took out former Hardcore Champion, Mr. Kennedy, and his life partner Johnny Gargano. These oceanic enthusiasts / frighteningly delusional psychopaths could be making the next big splash in the blue brand's tag division, hopefully in matches involving the walking of planks.
#5 CHRISTIAN
66.6% of C.U.N.T. looked more than up to snuff as they took out former Hardcore Champion, Mr. Kennedy, and his life partner Johnny Gargano. These oceanic enthusiasts / frighteningly delusional psychopaths could be making the next big splash in the blue brand's tag division, hopefully in matches involving the walking of planks.
#5 CHRISTIAN
A win over fellow Canucklehead Tyson Kidd serves as a strong reminder that Christian could be a forced to be reckoned with heading into the Mania season. Also worth noting is that Christian has had the same hair cut for over a decade now, and that's boring. Also if you think that The Killswitch is a better name for his finishing move than The Unprettier, then you should go swallow a spoon. And choke hard. And then have to go to the hospital and pay far out the butt for it with your expensive American health care system. Something Christian would never have to worry about. Cause he's Canadian. And a socialist.
#6 MARK HENRY
Black Hurley won a blindfold match. Mid-life crisis Sting hasn't won a match in like four months. Matt Bloom has a diploma in botanical studies. Look it up kids. Could Mark Henry be the next contender for Booker T's US Title? You heard it here first. Affirmative Action in the UWF. It makes sense because its real.
#6 MARK HENRY
Black Hurley won a blindfold match. Mid-life crisis Sting hasn't won a match in like four months. Matt Bloom has a diploma in botanical studies. Look it up kids. Could Mark Henry be the next contender for Booker T's US Title? You heard it here first. Affirmative Action in the UWF. It makes sense because its real.
#7 BRAY WYATT
Wyatt joins the Raw opening match regulars and picks up a decisive double-whammy win. If that's not how you spell whammy, it doesn't matter. Wyatt is creepy, and also not tall, but he has a good selection of shirts. Look for him to be in the European Title picture as WM2 approaches. Or going for the Transatlantic, if that's still a something come April.
#8 SAMOA JOE
For what some would say was the "4,834'th" time, Samoa Joe faced Kurt Angle on Smackdown and didn't lose. In fact, he even won. In Samoa, there are 50,000 cars stolen every year, far fewer than the million stolen in Detroit. That said, Detroit has 50 million cars. Samoa, 50,000. Every one stolen.
#9 KING BOOKER
SD's most royalest of stars returned to form this week with quick dispatching of new comer Kevin Steen in a first blood match. This drop Steen to 0-2 in the UWF and begs the question, why is Fauche not playing him yet? Also, Booker still has two titles, in case anybody forgot. For goodness sakes, somebody pull a Chael and call this guy out. Make a name for yourself. Looking at you Mark Henry.
Wyatt joins the Raw opening match regulars and picks up a decisive double-whammy win. If that's not how you spell whammy, it doesn't matter. Wyatt is creepy, and also not tall, but he has a good selection of shirts. Look for him to be in the European Title picture as WM2 approaches. Or going for the Transatlantic, if that's still a something come April.
#8 SAMOA JOE
For what some would say was the "4,834'th" time, Samoa Joe faced Kurt Angle on Smackdown and didn't lose. In fact, he even won. In Samoa, there are 50,000 cars stolen every year, far fewer than the million stolen in Detroit. That said, Detroit has 50 million cars. Samoa, 50,000. Every one stolen.
#9 KING BOOKER
SD's most royalest of stars returned to form this week with quick dispatching of new comer Kevin Steen in a first blood match. This drop Steen to 0-2 in the UWF and begs the question, why is Fauche not playing him yet? Also, Booker still has two titles, in case anybody forgot. For goodness sakes, somebody pull a Chael and call this guy out. Make a name for yourself. Looking at you Mark Henry.
#10 DEAN AMBROSE
We at The RUNDOWN aren't entirely sure whether the Raw tag team champs actually had a match this week, or if Rosey and The Hurricane are even a really real thing, but when the dust all cleared there were SHIELD bodies and Dudley bodies and superhero bodies all over the place, with only Dean Ambrose standing tall. Is he the favourite to win the Rumble? And does banana-flavoured ear infection medicine go down easier with chocolate milk? Any self-respecting seven-year-old would undoubtedly say yes to both.
#11 CM PUNK
Nothing beats a good ol' wedding crasher angle on a wrestling programme, and this one was a doozy. A soon to be face Chris Masters found his special night with Layla interrupted by recent tag team division disgrace, CM Punk and his bi-sexual fem-bot. The white trash stank is hot on this one kids, keep an eye out for further shenaigans.
We at The RUNDOWN aren't entirely sure whether the Raw tag team champs actually had a match this week, or if Rosey and The Hurricane are even a really real thing, but when the dust all cleared there were SHIELD bodies and Dudley bodies and superhero bodies all over the place, with only Dean Ambrose standing tall. Is he the favourite to win the Rumble? And does banana-flavoured ear infection medicine go down easier with chocolate milk? Any self-respecting seven-year-old would undoubtedly say yes to both.
#11 CM PUNK
Nothing beats a good ol' wedding crasher angle on a wrestling programme, and this one was a doozy. A soon to be face Chris Masters found his special night with Layla interrupted by recent tag team division disgrace, CM Punk and his bi-sexual fem-bot. The white trash stank is hot on this one kids, keep an eye out for further shenaigans.
----------
FRANK MIR'S MATCH OF THE WEEK
----------
The M.D.D.D. (c) vs. The T.I.O.C. - World Tag Team Championships - 10,000 Thumbtacks, 4 Corners of Fun, Barbed Wire Massacre, Tables, Ladders and Chairs, Fans Bring The Weapons, GM Brings The Weapons, Motion-Sensored Exploding, Whatever The Fuck is Left, Scaffold Texas Deathmatch
Written by Natlav
----------
UPCOMING CARDS:
----------
UPCOMING CARDS:
----------
RAW 1/28/14:
"Red vs. Blue" Match:
Christian & Damien Sandow & Dean Ambrose vs. AJ Styles & Shark Boy & Steve Borden
"UWF Tag Team Championship Tables" Match:
The Dudleys (c) vs. The SHIELD
"UWF European Championship Unification" Match:
Christopher Daniels (c) vs. Daniel Bryan (c)
"UWF Transatlantic Championship" Match:
Hulk Hogan (c) vs. Sheamus vs. Drew McIntyre vs. Test
Christian & Damien Sandow & Dean Ambrose vs. AJ Styles & Shark Boy & Steve Borden
"UWF Tag Team Championship Tables" Match:
The Dudleys (c) vs. The SHIELD
"UWF European Championship Unification" Match:
Christopher Daniels (c) vs. Daniel Bryan (c)
"UWF Transatlantic Championship" Match:
Hulk Hogan (c) vs. Sheamus vs. Drew McIntyre vs. Test
UWF ROYAL RUMBLE 2/2/14:
30 MAN ROYAL RUMBLE MATCH
RAGS TO RICHES MATCH
30 MAN ROYAL RUMBLE MATCH
RAGS TO RICHES MATCH
"UWF World Heavyweight Championship with HHH as the Ref" Match:
Shawn Michaels (c) v. Tyson Kidd
Shawn Michaels (c) v. Tyson Kidd
"UWF Championship" Match:
Matt Morgan (c) v. MVP
Matt Morgan (c) v. MVP
"UWF Global Chair-pionship" Match:
Eddie Guerrero (c) vs. Kane
Eddie Guerrero (c) vs. Kane
"Street Fight? More like a 'Rhode' Fight" Match:
Goldust v. Cody Rhodes
----------
HODGEPODGERY
----------
Goldust v. Cody Rhodes
----------
HODGEPODGERY
----------
Chillin' with Chase:http://wrestlingsmarks.com/threads/chillin-with-chase-official-thread.68223/page-31
http://wrestlingsmarks.com/threads/chillin-with-chase-official-thread.68223/page-31
The Walk:http://wrestlingsmarks.com/threads/the-walk-debut-edition.72432/
http://wrestlingsmarks.com/threads/the-walk-debut-edition.72432/
Royal Rumble Prediction Thread:
http://wrestlingsmarks.com/threads/uwf-royal-rumble-prediction-thread.72514/
http://wrestlingsmarks.com/threads/chillin-with-chase-official-thread.68223/page-31
The Walk:http://wrestlingsmarks.com/threads/the-walk-debut-edition.72432/
http://wrestlingsmarks.com/threads/the-walk-debut-edition.72432/
Royal Rumble Prediction Thread:
http://wrestlingsmarks.com/threads/uwf-royal-rumble-prediction-thread.72514/
----------
CELEBRITY QUESTION OF THE WEEK:
----------
CELEBRITY QUESTION OF THE WEEK:
----------
On this edition of the Celebrity Question of the Week, we are very fortunate to have comic book revolutionist and artistic genius, Stan Lee! Excelsior!
Stan Lee: Great to be here! Thanks for having me! I'll be interviewing the UWF Tag Team Champions this week. Fellas, first question - if you could have a superpower, what would it be?
Bubba Ray Dudley: What kinda superhero powar would I get Stan? I would say super strength, but I'm already jacked up so that ain't neccessary for me. I would get da ability ta read minds! If I ever catch somebody lyin' ta meh and I know they be lyin', I can knock der front teeth out and not feel guilty 'bout it what so eva!
Spike Dudley: But you never feel guilty Bubba.
Bubba Ray Dudley: SHUT DA FUCK UP SPIKE!!! Anyways like I said I would love nuttin' more then ta have an ability that'll let meh call out people and their stoopid bullshit, then smash their face to da ground if I catch dem lyin' ta me! Having mind readin' powers would kick so much ass! Hell I can figure out what the fuck is wrong with my wife half the time, since the dumb bitch doesn't talk to meh half the time. Maybe I can finally figure out who she's bangin' and mess him up real good, ya feelin' me?
Reverend D'Von: Mr. Stan Lee, the only power that I desire to posses is to have the ability to shock every sinner out there every time they shall commit a sin against the holy bible. The whole world shall fall to their knees and pray to the Lord that the curse that I have brought to the world. It will be glorious time where the true believers such as myself shall rejoice in the name of our Saviour and God Almighty! Testify!
Spike Dudley: The whole world will fall to the Dudleyz' feet!
Bubba Ray Dudley: JESUS CHRIST SPIKE SHADDUP!!!!
Just then somebody else pops up.
Jeff Jarrett: Alright listen up you three. Not only are you three trespassing on this interview that's reserved for the King of the Mountain, but yer talk 'bout beatin' up people and Jesus is pissing me off! Ok slapnuts, to answer your question I would have the superpower where I can fly! Not only would the boy inside of me be happy, but I could fly up, see the bastards that come on my property n' shoot down them critters that walk on my lawn much. Hell if I was able to fly I wouldn't ever drive anywhere in my entire life. I'd just float to mah destination and play mah guitar and drink mah beer in solitude, 'course if some asshole mocks me by callin' me some lil' smurf angel I'd fly over to him and break my guitar over their face!
Stan Lee: Well that's all fascinating! Next question - if you could have another superpower, what would that be?
Bubba Ray Dudley: Well to be honest if I was allowed a second superpower I would get the ability ta shoot hyperbeams from my hands so I can destroy shit much easier while looking cool at the same time. SHUT UP!!!!
Reverend D'Von: What I would love to do my brother is that I would be pleased to be able to engulf people in flames if they push their limits with me. Plenty of times I have told people that they would be burning in hell for going against the word of the Lord, but now I would be able to actually burn them alive! Oh what a time to be alive! Watching others as they perish for real under the hellfire of Satan Hahahahaha!
Spike Dudley: I can't lie I would laugh as well.
Bubba Ray Dudley: OH MY GOD WHY ARE YOU EVEN HERE WITH US!!??
Jeff Jarrett: For me I'd be able ta silence the world whenever I please so I don't have to hear no more kind of crap. Fer too many days I wished that there was no noise in this planet, and by God would I ever be a happy man! Can you imagine friend, sitting on yer rockin' chair in pure bliss, absolutely quiet and pieceful with no New Yorker's yelling in your ears.
Bubba gives a death glare to Jeff Jarrett as Stan Lee asks his final question:
Stan Lee: If a super villain stole your superpowers but an ancient cosmic entity offered you new superpowers, what would those be?
Bubba Ray Dudley: That's easy, I would easily gain super strength to fuck up the Supervillan that took mah powar's! Nobody steals from the Dudleyz and gets away with it, nobdy! I would find whoever da hell stole mah powers and I would either kill them, or kill them faster; no other options are neccessary Stan Lee. It's all about the power in my opinion.
Reverend D'Von: I'm not going to lie my brother, I am not sure what else I would require. Yes I have wants but I'm not after the wants, I'm after what I need. And right now I need you to stop asking us these ridiculous questions because Bubba and I have a title match and a PPV to prepare for. So if you could we would like to be done with this interview.
Bubba Ray Dudley: I don't need any sort of Superpower to kick ass in the UWF pal, don't forget it!
Jeff Jarrett looks confused as the Dudleyz leave the interview area.
Jeff Jarrett: Well if I can't have peace and quiet like a asked for, then I'd guess I'd get the ability to attract all the gals in the world and round 'em up in my house. If I can't relax then I may as well have some fun, know what I'm saying slapnuts?... Know what screw this I'm outta here as well.
Jeff Jarrett leaves as well, ending the interview.
Reverend D'Von: I'm not going to lie my brother, I am not sure what else I would require. Yes I have wants but I'm not after the wants, I'm after what I need. And right now I need you to stop asking us these ridiculous questions because Bubba and I have a title match and a PPV to prepare for. So if you could we would like to be done with this interview.
Bubba Ray Dudley: I don't need any sort of Superpower to kick ass in the UWF pal, don't forget it!
Jeff Jarrett looks confused as the Dudleyz leave the interview area.
Jeff Jarrett: Well if I can't have peace and quiet like a asked for, then I'd guess I'd get the ability to attract all the gals in the world and round 'em up in my house. If I can't relax then I may as well have some fun, know what I'm saying slapnuts?... Know what screw this I'm outta here as well.
Jeff Jarrett leaves as well, ending the interview.
'NUFF SAID
----------
Much love to Natlav for doing the celebrity stuff this week (and also for writing rad ass matches). Chase, you're up for next week if that still tickles your pickle. Speaking of, more people need to get on dat podcast. Next THE RUNDOWN will be up after the Rumble, which everyone should tt for at some point this week if you haven't already. You're all doing just dandy these days, and it would seem as though a slight slump in tt'ing has been paved over by THE ROAD TO WRESTLEMANIA. You're in or in the way homies, get while the gettin's good. Raw this week is gonna be rad, same with the Rumble. Live in fear, die scared, right? Right.
Also, anyone else having problems with centering text? Had to go through and do this paragraph by paragraph pretty much. So lame.
- Love Fauche
Also, anyone else having problems with centering text? Had to go through and do this paragraph by paragraph pretty much. So lame.
- Love Fauche
Last edited:
