The Promo Advice/Feedback Thread

[Closed]

I disagree with calling it short. Most promos are about that length, especially league wise. I can count maybe seven promos since 2k15 that exceeded 1500 words, and those were still a rarity.

@Voin I dug the promo. I can buy your character as an asshole, lol.

Probably me and the IWT promos then. I always got 1000 to 1500 words each match for each promo. Glad I decided to leave tbh

 

[Ginothony Bamtano]

Probably me and the IWT promos then. I always got 1000 to 1500 words each match for each promo. Glad I decided to leave tbh

Yeah, e-feds and leagues are two different avenues. The league is more quantity and short promos can be used to build over time. E-feds are all about getting everything out at once. Hell, in NGW there were rarely promos under 1000 words, let alone 500

 

[Filet-o-Fish]

Luminous. The moon mirrors off of the wet floor as the downpour of rain continues to fall. A sole street light stands at the end of the pavement. However, although the street light is sole, it is not the only thing visible to the camera. Tyson Blade can be seen leaning against street lamp. Wearing jeans, boots, and a leather jacket, Tyson braves the cold and the torrential rain. Blade turns his attention to the camera, which begins to zoom and focus more on his face. Since the last the time we saw him, Blade has a scar on the left side of his face going down to his neck. He also seems to have slightly grown his hair out since Wrestle Dynasty when he was last seen by the Precision fans. Quickly collecting his thoughts, Blade finally addresses the audience.

"Three months..."

Blade patrols the circular area in which the light is spread across. He looks at the ground and the reflection of himself in a puddle. He looks disgusted with himself. It seems as if he is staring down his nemesis who is looking back at him. Tyson snaps out of it and slowly looks back at the camera and continues.

"Three months. It may not seem like a long time, but for me, it has felt like a lifetime. I've been gone for that amount of time, but it all started before that. Hell in a Cell was where this all began. I was ready to finally call it quits on my career, I mean why wouldn't I have been? I'd done things in my career that people had never accomplished, except an elite few. I'd won championships, set new records and won the support of the fans, all three of those things are difficult to accomplish, but I managed to do all three."

The former champion finally breaks. The calm look disappears, as Blade looks down the lens of the camera with anger and hatred. He snarls with rage and punches the street light beside him. He looks hurt, but not physically with his hand, rather mentally because of what happened to him.

"I was betrayed by one of the only people left, that I trusted! I don't even want to say his name, he ruined everything. He tarnished my legacy. My legacy isn't some place inside "The Hall of Champions", pieces of my legacy lie in the middle of the arena where I lost at Wrestle Dynasty. The rest? Still in that building where Hell in a Cell took place. Many have compared it to the idea of teacher versus student, with the latter eventually besting his teacher. However, this is completely wrong. We never built up to that, I never doubted your trust in me. I taught you everything I knew and that was how you repaid me?!"

Now emotionally unstable, Tyson begins to pant heavily while also carrying on what he was saying.

"After everything, we had been through. All the battles we fought, together and against each other! Ever since that day, I have had to look at myself in the mirror with disgrace, disgust, and disappointment. I cut myself off with the troubles of this place, being here after what you did to me was haunting. Fans every day bringing up the topic of what you did to me and how it felt."

Tyson composes himself and takes a small break from speaking, he flows his left hand through his hair and takes a deep breath.

"You did it for what? Attention or to climb the ladder here in Precision? Whatever your reasoning you succeeded and you're now the number one contender to the World Heavyweight Championship. If you win that title, you can best believe I am gunning for you. Every time you walk around a corner, get out of your car or even enter an arena, be on the lookout. You never know when I'll be there. It's not about the championship, I could care less. I've held that title before, I just want to destroy the man who could possibly be holding it starting at Backlash. I no longer have friends or allies."

Tyson slowly steps out into the shadows, half of his face being in the light and the other half not visible to the camera.

"Only two things fuel me now, Mikey. Vengeance and hatred."

The street light suddenly goes out, along with the camera. Tyson Blade is back, but he is not the same person we last saw.

Feedback pls? First Tyson promo in a while and I know I'm not the best, but it's nice to receive feedback.

 

[Geek773]

Feedback pls? First Tyson promo in a while and I know I'm not the best, but it's nice to receive feedback.

To plagiarise a page out of your book...

*After the opening bout of Precision's Backlash, the lights in St. Louis' Scottrade Center dim slowly to darkness, as the ambient crowd noise fades with them. The silence is momentary, lasting only until the pale, bruised, masked face of Jack Rogue appears on the titantron to a cacophony of boos in the blackness. His perverse excitement is inferred from quick, heavy, raspy breathing emerging from the bright, fang-filled decal on his half-mask*

Jack: Since last week's edition of Precision, the world seems to have chosen an irrelevant observation to remember and emphasise from my match with Joseph Diamond, over the headline. I proved myself right. I said that Joseph Diamond wasn’t good enough to sail in and avenge his poor, maimed brother in victory and I was right. I said he'd have his emotional storm, I was right. And I said I would withstand it and strike him down like the moronic animal he is – I was right! And may the world never forget it.

*Despite Jack appearing only by video, the audience continue to boo him and his words, nearly drowning him out*

Jack: He had his “dark” little thoughts in his tiny, boring brain about all the things he'd do to me, to repay me for what he caused. For a long time he had the upper hand because of course he did. But he did no lasting damage, and poor little Joey couldn't close. He tried to come at me with my weapon, was poor enough at it to get caught up with the referee. I took my chance and about dented the canvas with his skull. Just like that, I cracked my second Diamond. My tear since TLC continues, and still you all refuse to believe that I will walk the blood soaked path I build with my promises. Tonight, I take another step.

Jack: Jordan Bull, to his credit, has so far been the most resilient of my victims. I took him out of action back at TLC by wounding his right arm, in our first match I submitted him with the Rogue Lock and did further damage to it. Now, sure, he’s not cleared to compete, but he signed a waiver and will face me tonight, under No Holds Barred. That was brave, and certainly resilient, but also extremely stupid. Walking into any wrestling match, any fight, with any injury less than 100% is like crawling into the ring to hand your opponent the bow to shoot that bullseye with. To do so while not even medically cleared is to render yourself unable to put that inevitability off... and to do so against a man who broke your body and spirit when it did function, where he has licence to use whatever means take his fancy, is to commit suicide on international pay-per-view.

Jack: Tonight, Jordan Bull will face the Backlash of his stupidity. I will add the briefest of finishing touches to my handiwork. I will cave in his skull and snap his arm in half, and I won’t have to break a sweat to do it. I'm walking into a playground of destruction with a physical and emotional wreck. Make no mistake: I don't need seven matches... this ends at Backlash. Tonight, Jordan Bull – for the final time in his career – will face total Annihilation.

*The video cuts, the lights spring back on abruptly and a frustrated crowd prepare for the second match of the show*

-End of segment-​

Spoiler: ”Mentions”

@CiV
@Sam?!

Spoiler: OOC

Feedback please!!!!!!

...me first. (Like for srs 7 likes is lovely but to people not have anything to say?!)

 

[Filet-o-Fish]

To plagiarise a page out of your book...

...me first. (Like for srs 7 likes is lovely but to people not have anything to say?!)

I honestly didn't think you would be able to pull off the Jack Rogue heel turn and have it work, but I was completely wrong and it shows your strength as a writer and writing for your character. This promo not only showed me the complete turn that has happened, but how he has completely changed. The idea of his opponents being victims is great and this whole feud you have with Sam is very underrated so far. Jack Rogue has gone from the loveable underdog, to the hated, dark heel which nobody expected.

 

[Geek773]

I honestly didn't think you would be able to pull off the Jack Rogue heel turn and have it work, but I was completely wrong and it shows your strength as a writer and writing for your character. This promo not only showed me the complete turn that has happened, but how he has completely changed. The idea of his opponents being victims is great and this whole feud you have with Sam is very underrated so far. Jack Rogue has gone from the loveable underdog, to the hated, dark heel which nobody expected.

Thanks man <3 any points for improvement you noticed? Don't mind minor/nitpicky points or changes to experiment with.

Luminous. The moon mirrors off of the wet floor as the downpour of rain continues to fall. A sole street light stands at the end of the pavement. However, although the street light is sole, it is not the only thing visible to the camera. Tyson Blade can be seen leaning against street lamp. Wearing jeans, boots, and a leather jacket, Tyson braves the cold and the torrential rain. Blade turns his attention to the camera, which begins to zoom and focus more on his face. Since the last the time we saw him, Blade has a scar on the left side of his face going down to his neck. He also seems to have slightly grown his hair out since Wrestle Dynasty when he was last seen by the Precision fans. Quickly collecting his thoughts, Blade finally addresses the audience.

"Three months..."

Blade patrols the circular area in which the light is spread across. He looks at the ground and the reflection of himself in a puddle. He looks disgusted with himself. It seems as if he is staring down his nemesis who is looking back at him. Tyson snaps out of it and slowly looks back at the camera and continues.

"Three months. It may not seem like a long time, but for me, it has felt like a lifetime. I've been gone for that amount of time, but it all started before that. Hell in a Cell was where this all began. I was ready to finally call it quits on my career, I mean why wouldn't I have been? I'd done things in my career that people had never accomplished, except an elite few. I'd won championships, set new records and won the support of the fans, all three of those things are difficult to accomplish, but I managed to do all three."

The former champion finally breaks. The calm look disappears, as Blade looks down the lens of the camera with anger and hatred. He snarls with rage and punches the street light beside him. He looks hurt, but not physically with his hand, rather mentally because of what happened to him.

"I was betrayed by one of the only people left, that I trusted! I don't even want to say his name, he ruined everything. He tarnished my legacy. My legacy isn't some place inside "The Hall of Champions", pieces of my legacy lie in the middle of the arena where I lost at Wrestle Dynasty. The rest? Still in that building where Hell in a Cell took place. Many have compared it to the idea of teacher versus student, with the latter eventually besting his teacher. However, this is completely wrong. We never built up to that, I never doubted your trust in me. I taught you everything I knew and that was how you repaid me?!"

Now emotionally unstable, Tyson begins to pant heavily while also carrying on what he was saying.

"After everything, we had been through. All the battles we fought, together and against each other! Ever since that day, I have had to look at myself in the mirror with disgrace, disgust, and disappointment. I cut myself off with the troubles of this place, being here after what you did to me was haunting. Fans every day bringing up the topic of what you did to me and how it felt."

Tyson composes himself and takes a small break from speaking, he flows his left hand through his hair and takes a deep breath.

"You did it for what? Attention or to climb the ladder here in Precision? Whatever your reasoning you succeeded and you're now the number one contender to the World Heavyweight Championship. If you win that title, you can best believe I am gunning for you. Every time you walk around a corner, get out of your car or even enter an arena, be on the lookout. You never know when I'll be there. It's not about the championship, I could care less. I've held that title before, I just want to destroy the man who could possibly be holding it starting at Backlash. I no longer have friends or allies."

Tyson slowly steps out into the shadows, half of his face being in the light and the other half not visible to the camera.

"Only two things fuel me now, Mikey. Vengeance and hatred."

The street light suddenly goes out, along with the camera. Tyson Blade is back, but he is not the same person we last saw.​

Whether intentional or not, I like the real-world-grounded, sporadic promotion Tyson has had, makes him feel like the outsider. Nice aesthetic with the whole "rainy moonlit evening" thing too. This is well written and does well at explaining the history between Blade and Thunder and Tyson's motives and intentions, so good work. Interested to see the continuation/follow up here, because there needs to be one as, while this serves its purpose, that purpose is very limited. Now Tyson has to do something to stay interesting, and I'm sure he will.

 

[Geek773]

*The bell rings and Jordan Bull's iconic theme hits, announcing his pinfall victory to tie the series 1-1 at Backlash. Jack Rogue slowly begins to stir on the canvas after being caught by a finisher from a near one-armed Bull, his own momentum driving him neck first into the canvas. Baseball bats and steel chairs are littered around ringside, showing the lengths Jordan had to go to for victory. The victor sees Rogue beginning to wake on the mat and rolls out of the ring, high-fiving fans with his non-padded arm on his way up the ramp to the backstage area. Jack finally sits up, realises what happened and screams in frustration as he gets to his feet*

*Rogue storms towards the referee who nearly falls out of the ring in his haste to escape, but Jack walks straight past him and picks up a microphone from the timekeeper’s area. He limps slowly around the ring, holding the back of his neck with his other hand, before sitting on the steel ramp, cross-legged, mic in hand. His quick, exhausted breathing rattles through the microphone and around the arena through the speakers. Rogue thumps the ramp and cries out in anger once more, then speaks with quiet intensity but without his usual fury*

Jack: Some things... never change. Everything always seems to go wrong for me on the big stage. To losing a US title shot at SummerSlam two years ago, to losing to Nathan Carraway on my first Precision pay-per-view, Fully Loaded, to Andersen Vega. Yeah, I got a moment at Wrestle Dynasty, I picked my moment and I won the Intercontinental Championship, but glory has been the exception, not the rule. I've proved I am a destroyer and a force to be reckoned with but when the lights are brightest, I've never been able to get it done. Maybe I invented problems with the system, with my humanity, to miss the point. Maybe even down the darkest alley, on the lowest road, at the end of a path built of bones and soaked in blood... there's still no hope for me.

*Jack looks up in cautious surprise, as patches of the previously silent crowd following the jubilation of Jordan Bull’s triumph begin to boo this idea of a destiny of failure for him. Rogue lifts his hand, places it inside of his mask, and gently pulls it off over his head. He unveils a face weathered and covered in small scratches and scars, with a large scab on his nose where he broke it against a wall*

Jack: I don’t know if this is right. I still don't feel anything I felt before... I just know that I refuse to be at the bottom on the big nights anymore. However it has to happen... I have to fix this.

*Rogue’s microphone drops to the ramp from his weary hand, as he slowly climbs to his feet and staggers to the back, leaving the Backlash arena in confused silence*

-End of segment-​

Spoiler: Mentions

@Sam?!

Tried to do something cool here, not sure how well it came off. Feedback appreciated.

 

[Welsh-Wizard-97]

Tried to do something cool here, not sure how well it came off. Feedback appreciated.

I taught you well... I'm proud of myself for how awesome of a teacher I am... Damn, I'm so good.

Seriously though, I couldn't nitpick even if I wanted too since I've all but given up trying to find flaws with any of your promos now. You said before that I was an underrated promo but in reality I was never underrated... Rather just out shined by the likes of you to the degree that people would read your promos and be amazed and then read mine straight after and go "Meh". You are, IMO, the best writer in the league ATM. Good job.

 

[Geek773]

I taught you well... I'm proud of myself for how awesome of a teacher I am... Damn, I'm so good.

Seriously though, I couldn't nitpick even if I wanted too since I've all but given up trying to find flaws with any of your promos now. You said before that I was an underrated promo but in reality I was never underrated... Rather just out shined by the likes of you to the degree that people would read your promos and be amazed and then read mine straight after and go "Meh". You are, IMO, the best writer in the league ATM. Good job.

Thanks man. <3

 

[Ginothony Bamtano]

You are, IMO, the best writer in the league ATM. Good job.

Bitch, please. Tell me somebody who writes better descriptions than your boy?

 

[The Gipper]

Bitch, please. Tell me somebody who writes better descriptions than your boy?

Me.

 

[Welsh-Wizard-97]

Bitch, please. Tell me somebody who writes better descriptions than your boy?

Descriptions? There's more to a promo than just descriptions and quite frankly, your dialog has never really been top notch... Hence why you can only brag about descriptions. Overall, as in descriptions, dialog and overall character development, geek trumps you and everyone RN, IMO.

 

[Geek773]

Bitch, please. Tell me somebody who writes better descriptions than your boy?

Gino be leik:

(Fancey descwiption. loook, meesa fancay)

JSP: Me boring. Grunt.

*End*

Spoiler

 

[The Gipper]

geek trumps you and everyone RN, IMO.

geek trumps .

Geek=Donald Trump confirmed!

 

[Geek773]

Geek=Donald Trump confirmed!

legitimately the hardest youve ever insulted me. gg