Holy shit on a shingle, it’s almost our 10 week anniversary. I cant express how much gratitude I have for all of you out there who read my column. Though I would like it if more of you all commented 
. Aaaaaaaaaaaaaanyways, this week we have a lot of ground to cover. There is a ton of fallout coming from One Night Stand as well as the whole Cena/Truth thing. I will also debut a new feature called “I’m Not Buying It.†But first I am going to review NBC’s Saturday Nights Main Event, so lets get rollin!!
John Cena vs. The Great Khali
I think the WWE were running everything in reverse as we get John Cena vs. The Great Khali FIRST! Were in Canada where Cena beat Edge so he might as well be HBK. I guess the booing works as John Cena is essentially DOMINATED for the whole match. I honestly haven’t seen such a one sided match since the WWE did away with jobbers being on TV. Well if you were trying to shock me, you sure did it. People are already saying this was “predictableâ€. It’s funny because a lot of these same people say “Cena never loses cleanly.†Well, there you go smarks, John Cena just got his ass handed to him, did it make you feel better about yourselves? I bet not because the match itself was very lackluster and didn’t really have much. Then again, we are talking about Khali here. And then the fans had the GAUL to chant “you cant wrestle†at JOHN CENA when that 7ft 400lb waste of life was just out there in the ring. If you needed anymore proof that Canadian fans are morons, you just got it. And I, by the way, don’t have a problem with John Cena losing, or losing cleanly. I can see the reasoning for it and it doesn’t affect me personally, unlike the rest of the IWC who have a minor heart attack every time Shelton loses.
Winner- The Great Khali
Match Rating: 5/10
Vince McMahon vs. Bobby Lashley in an Arm Wrestling Match
Next up is a good ol fashioned arm wrestling contest. Vince comes out and does some heel stalling for a good few minutes until he then brings out the big fat ape, Mark Henry. I still cant get over the fact that this man is calling himself a monkey. Mark comes out and he and Bobby arm wrestle. Bob-O is about to win when Mizark jacks him in the face. The 2 fight and Vince ends up cracking a chair over Lashley and he and the Corporate Gorilla run away. Could this be a foreshadowing of Mark going to ECW next week? Maybe!
Winner- Bobby Lashley (I think by DQ)
Segment Rating: 6/10
Edge and MVP vs. Benoit and Batista
The next match was the best of the night as Batista and Chris Benoit take on Edge and MVP. Really, I cant say a damn bad thing about this match. Everyone meshed really well together and they pretty much made the match flow like clockwork. I guess one complaint I could give is that it was a little one sided towards the faces. They essentially dominated the whole time and then when it came time for the finish, they just dominated there too as Edge took the cowards way out and left MVP to face The Animal and the Wolverine all by his lonesome.
Winners- Batista and Chris Benoit
Match Rating: 8.5/10
Finlay and Hornswaggle vs. The Boogeymen
For me, this was the most entertaining match of the night. I find midgets to be hilarious when properly used. And tonight, they were properly used. We see some good (as good as we can get with the Old Booger) action from everyone involved. My favorite moments in the match where when Little Booger and Finlay were in the match at a same time. I mean I know Finlay isn’t too hot in new comers, but man was he stiffing the shit out of the midget. I couldn’t believe how hard he was hitting the little guy. I was literally wincing anytime Finlay hit him. But as much as I would wince, I would immediately laugh my ass off. It was truly a fun time in this match. The actual technical quality really wasn’t that good. However, I am going to give it a nice rating.
Winners: Finlay and Hornswaggle
Match Rating- 7/10
Extreme Expose
This is the perfect place for titties. See WWE, this is how you do it. You have a stacked 2 hour show, you give us 5 minutes of boobies! Not only do we get this, we get MORE MIDGETS!! Awesome!! And a chicken fight!!! Damn funny stuff as the midgets from the last match come out and pick up Leyla and Kelly Kelly to start a chicken fight that ends in a tie.
Segment Rating- 5/10
Kane, Doink, and Eugene vs. Umaga, Viscera, and Kevin Thorn
Our….uh…main event is Kane, Super Eugene, and Doink, yes you heard me, DOINK, vs. Umaga, Kevin Thorn, and Viscera. Why the fuck this was the main event, I will never know. I know the WWE want to get some got ratings at the top hour, but Jesus Christ son, THIS is your main event? And don’t get me wrong, I’m not pissing on the match either, as it was damn entertaining, but I ask again, THIS IS YOUR MAIN EVENT!!?? So the match itself was pretty entertaining. Doink started out by working the crowd really well. See this guys in TNA? THIS is called WORKING THE CROWD!! Doink had them eating out of the palm of his hand and he didn’t do one god damned high spot. After it started, it was your typical match with the heels dominating for most of the match until Kane gets the tag and destroys everyone. Pretty good match, but not main event stuff.
Winners- Kane, Eugene, and Doink
Match Rating: 7/10
So there you have it. It was a decent show, definitely worth the watch. I’m sure a lot of you think I have over rated this, but its cool.
ECW One Night Stand 2007 has come and gone. And just as I had expected, there are tons of mixed reviews. I cant personally account for the validity or rationality of these reviews as I haven’t seen it myself yet. However, much like I did with Backlash, I will talk about the fallout and ramifications of the PPV.
The World Tag Team Titles- After a tough match with the WGTT, the Hardyz retained, only to lose to the Cowboys the next night on Raw. This could mean one of two things…Either 1: Jeff and Matt are going to start a feud with Haas and Benjamin while the Cowboys run roughshod over the Raw tag division. Or 2: The Hardyz will continue their feud with the newly heeled Cowboys. Either way is cool with me. If the WWE go with option 1, who are the Cowboys going to feud with? Perhaps a new tag team on Raw?
Vince McMahon- I have no idea where this thing with him is going. Cancer? Another now incarnation? How about he kills the WWE with DX? Nah, they are too loved. And Umaga pretty devastating all on his own. I don’t know where this is going but it sure will be interesting to see. And btw folks, just because he said something about cancer a few YEARS ago doesn’t make it the same storyline. People fucking complain too damn much. Then tonight in SD he…was, I guess the word is bi-polar. He seems to be just destroying the lives of anyone, face or heel and that’s damn cool.
John Cena/Edge and their titles- This is really dependant on what happens in the draft. More than likely, some fresh opponent(s) will be drafted to Raw to face Cena for a while. On the SD side of things, they are completely stacked as far as I am concerned. Benoit, Batista, Taker, Kane, Mark Henry, Booker T, Rey Mysterio, and Ken Kennedy; any one of those men could challenge for the title. If anything, someone from that pool will be moved to Raw to challenge the champ. If the WWE continue the monster route, the smart money is on Mark, but we will wait and see. Then again, there is a new and underutilized monster over on ECW. And he does have a need for some new….blood. So after the draft, SD will go on and probably will see Edge still feuding with Batista for the remainder of the year or until Kennedy comes back, whichever happens first.
Bobby Lashley- I honestly have no idea what is next for the current ECW champion. More than likely though, he is either going to get into a feud with Snitsky or, much like Cena, someone is going to be drafted to be his opponent. Considering what happened at SNME, Mark Henry is as good a choice as any. Some people night say Umaga, but if the rumors of his injury are true, they don’t want him getting into the ring with Lashley as they have already had some slobberknockers in the past and the WWE can only go to that well so many times. I guess Khali is a long shot to head over as well. Can you imagine a running powerslam with a 7ft4in man? Wow. The WWE could also look within ECW and see guys like Elijah Burke Marcus Cor Von. Add to that Snitsky and Kevin Thorn (who I am almost positive is gonna get drafted elsewhere) and you don’t really have that bad of depth to the heel side of the roster.
ECW itself- This draft could be just what the WWE needs to get ECW some attention. They could add some much needed depth to their roster. I mean they only have an hour and all, but they still need to have talent. Benoit used to be in ECW and he really isn’t doing anything, so why not send him over? I heard some other columnists mention Johnny Nitro’s name as well as he has a somewhat “edgy†character. With Punk being as good as gone, Johnny would be perfect to take his spot as the best newer talent in ECW.
Other wrestlers I see fitting in well in ECW include London and Kendrick, Randy Orton, Edge, Rey Mysterio, Carlito, The Hardyz, and even the Boogeyman. Whether or not any of these guys end up going remains to be seen.
There have been rumors flying all over the internet about a supposed “staredown†between WWE Champion John Cena, and former WWE wrestler, and current wrestling joke, Ron “The Truth†Killings. So here is the skinny, supposedly Cena and Truth saw each other at an airport and Cena got in his face. According to one “source†it “got pretty heated†between the two stars. Well, Killings is more a half star, if that. After this happened, Killings got on MYSPACE of all places and threw down the gauntlet so to speak. He said Cena was a wanna be Truth and that Cena can’t rap, and that he’s fake, blah blah blah. First of all, why is Truth responding to this “major incident†on a place where shitty bands, pedophiles, and the pre-teens who love them hang out? If this was such a big deal, wouldn’t it be on his personal website? Secondly, I doubt there was even that big a confrontation, if any. I bet they walked by each other, glanced the others way, and that was it. What was hilarious was a few smark sites were saying things to the effect of “Cena is lucky he didn’t get into a confrontation as it would look bad for the WWE Champion to be taken down by a TNA midcarder.†How do I dissect the bullshit in that sentence. First of all, who is to say who would have won in a fight? If they would have thrown down right there, I would have threw one stiff kick to Truths bum knee, and that would have been it. But a lot of people (morons) seem to be jumping on the Truth bandwagon. “He would kick Cena’s ass†blah blah blah. People are now backing a guy who sells less offense than The Great Khali. A man who is, more than likely, jealous of the fame and fortune of John Cena. If he wasn’t jealous and he didn’t care about money and fame, he would be a bad rapper and an even worse wrestler. You don’t get into wrestling to do it for free. The guy is obviously green with envy and since he can’t do anything about it as he is stuck in a failed wrestling career, he starts trying to bring others down. It’s really quite sad really…..Here is the bottom line, Killings sucks, and that’s the TRUTH!
The last segment this week is a new one that I was inspired to do by, you guessed it, ESPN. It’s called “I’m Not Buying It.†In the wrestling business, people get ideas and try to sell the people on it. “Cena is overcoming the oddsâ€, “This Italian guy is really from the Middle Eastâ€, or “The Undertaker is really ‘dead’â€. But sometimes there are things people don’t “buy†or accept and I’m going to tell you the things I don’t.
The 9 titles in the WWE- There are too many damn belts in the WWE. And as much as I hate Jeff Jarrett, he is very right when he says (if he said it) is that the more titles there are, the less they are worth. If I had it my way, I would have 3 big belts for each brand one, midcard belt, and one tag team title along with the specialty divisions. That’s 3 less belts, and trust me, it’d make a world of difference.
Johnny Nitro and Kenny Dykstra as a tag team- I know they have nothing to do right now, but they just clash. They don’t work now and they wont in the future. Don’t get me wrong, I have no problems with people getting paired up. Unlike a lot of other fucking complainers, I remember some of the most fun AND successful tag teams in history were simply paired up. Kane/Hurricane, Kane/X-Pac, Mankind/Austin, Mankind/Rock, The Hollywood Blonds, The Hart Foundation, The Rock/Jericho. The problem most people have is that they are using lower tier guys. You know, God forbid the WWE try to get wrestlers exposure. It just doesn’t work in this case.
Vince as a Southern preacher- I know he is acting crazy, but don’t ever do that again. It just sucked. Leave the Southern accents to Col. Robert Parker and Blubber Love.
The Great Khali as a professional wrestler- Umm, if you’ve read my work, you know my objections to this waste of life. He sucks. He cant sell. He cant promo. He has no moves. He has no charisma. He has nothing. He’s just a large pile of shit.
Randy Orton as a vicious heel- Orton is falling to what I am now calling the “Christian Syndrome.†This is when a heel is thrown into a part he obviously cant pull off. Randy Orton doesn’t have the look of a vicious heel. I look in his eyes and it’s just not there. That killer look from Taker, HHH, HBK, or Benoit. So after HHH comes back and kills the legend of Randy Orton…again…drop the “stalker†shtick ok WWE?
That’s it for this weeks No Smark Zone . My Smackdown review will be up tomorrow sometime and I apologize in advance for the lateness. Next week will be some predictions for Vengeance, draft fallout, and the 3rd installment of FACT or FICTION. Until then, see ya on the flipside.
:w00t1:
. Aaaaaaaaaaaaaanyways, this week we have a lot of ground to cover. There is a ton of fallout coming from One Night Stand as well as the whole Cena/Truth thing. I will also debut a new feature called “I’m Not Buying It.†But first I am going to review NBC’s Saturday Nights Main Event, so lets get rollin!!John Cena vs. The Great Khali
I think the WWE were running everything in reverse as we get John Cena vs. The Great Khali FIRST! Were in Canada where Cena beat Edge so he might as well be HBK. I guess the booing works as John Cena is essentially DOMINATED for the whole match. I honestly haven’t seen such a one sided match since the WWE did away with jobbers being on TV. Well if you were trying to shock me, you sure did it. People are already saying this was “predictableâ€. It’s funny because a lot of these same people say “Cena never loses cleanly.†Well, there you go smarks, John Cena just got his ass handed to him, did it make you feel better about yourselves? I bet not because the match itself was very lackluster and didn’t really have much. Then again, we are talking about Khali here. And then the fans had the GAUL to chant “you cant wrestle†at JOHN CENA when that 7ft 400lb waste of life was just out there in the ring. If you needed anymore proof that Canadian fans are morons, you just got it. And I, by the way, don’t have a problem with John Cena losing, or losing cleanly. I can see the reasoning for it and it doesn’t affect me personally, unlike the rest of the IWC who have a minor heart attack every time Shelton loses.
Winner- The Great Khali
Match Rating: 5/10
Vince McMahon vs. Bobby Lashley in an Arm Wrestling Match
Next up is a good ol fashioned arm wrestling contest. Vince comes out and does some heel stalling for a good few minutes until he then brings out the big fat ape, Mark Henry. I still cant get over the fact that this man is calling himself a monkey. Mark comes out and he and Bobby arm wrestle. Bob-O is about to win when Mizark jacks him in the face. The 2 fight and Vince ends up cracking a chair over Lashley and he and the Corporate Gorilla run away. Could this be a foreshadowing of Mark going to ECW next week? Maybe!
Winner- Bobby Lashley (I think by DQ)
Segment Rating: 6/10
Edge and MVP vs. Benoit and Batista
The next match was the best of the night as Batista and Chris Benoit take on Edge and MVP. Really, I cant say a damn bad thing about this match. Everyone meshed really well together and they pretty much made the match flow like clockwork. I guess one complaint I could give is that it was a little one sided towards the faces. They essentially dominated the whole time and then when it came time for the finish, they just dominated there too as Edge took the cowards way out and left MVP to face The Animal and the Wolverine all by his lonesome.
Winners- Batista and Chris Benoit
Match Rating: 8.5/10
Finlay and Hornswaggle vs. The Boogeymen
For me, this was the most entertaining match of the night. I find midgets to be hilarious when properly used. And tonight, they were properly used. We see some good (as good as we can get with the Old Booger) action from everyone involved. My favorite moments in the match where when Little Booger and Finlay were in the match at a same time. I mean I know Finlay isn’t too hot in new comers, but man was he stiffing the shit out of the midget. I couldn’t believe how hard he was hitting the little guy. I was literally wincing anytime Finlay hit him. But as much as I would wince, I would immediately laugh my ass off. It was truly a fun time in this match. The actual technical quality really wasn’t that good. However, I am going to give it a nice rating.
Winners: Finlay and Hornswaggle
Match Rating- 7/10
Extreme Expose
This is the perfect place for titties. See WWE, this is how you do it. You have a stacked 2 hour show, you give us 5 minutes of boobies! Not only do we get this, we get MORE MIDGETS!! Awesome!! And a chicken fight!!! Damn funny stuff as the midgets from the last match come out and pick up Leyla and Kelly Kelly to start a chicken fight that ends in a tie.
Segment Rating- 5/10
Kane, Doink, and Eugene vs. Umaga, Viscera, and Kevin Thorn
Our….uh…main event is Kane, Super Eugene, and Doink, yes you heard me, DOINK, vs. Umaga, Kevin Thorn, and Viscera. Why the fuck this was the main event, I will never know. I know the WWE want to get some got ratings at the top hour, but Jesus Christ son, THIS is your main event? And don’t get me wrong, I’m not pissing on the match either, as it was damn entertaining, but I ask again, THIS IS YOUR MAIN EVENT!!?? So the match itself was pretty entertaining. Doink started out by working the crowd really well. See this guys in TNA? THIS is called WORKING THE CROWD!! Doink had them eating out of the palm of his hand and he didn’t do one god damned high spot. After it started, it was your typical match with the heels dominating for most of the match until Kane gets the tag and destroys everyone. Pretty good match, but not main event stuff.
Winners- Kane, Eugene, and Doink
Match Rating: 7/10
So there you have it. It was a decent show, definitely worth the watch. I’m sure a lot of you think I have over rated this, but its cool.
ECW One Night Stand 2007 has come and gone. And just as I had expected, there are tons of mixed reviews. I cant personally account for the validity or rationality of these reviews as I haven’t seen it myself yet. However, much like I did with Backlash, I will talk about the fallout and ramifications of the PPV.
The World Tag Team Titles- After a tough match with the WGTT, the Hardyz retained, only to lose to the Cowboys the next night on Raw. This could mean one of two things…Either 1: Jeff and Matt are going to start a feud with Haas and Benjamin while the Cowboys run roughshod over the Raw tag division. Or 2: The Hardyz will continue their feud with the newly heeled Cowboys. Either way is cool with me. If the WWE go with option 1, who are the Cowboys going to feud with? Perhaps a new tag team on Raw?
Vince McMahon- I have no idea where this thing with him is going. Cancer? Another now incarnation? How about he kills the WWE with DX? Nah, they are too loved. And Umaga pretty devastating all on his own. I don’t know where this is going but it sure will be interesting to see. And btw folks, just because he said something about cancer a few YEARS ago doesn’t make it the same storyline. People fucking complain too damn much. Then tonight in SD he…was, I guess the word is bi-polar. He seems to be just destroying the lives of anyone, face or heel and that’s damn cool.
John Cena/Edge and their titles- This is really dependant on what happens in the draft. More than likely, some fresh opponent(s) will be drafted to Raw to face Cena for a while. On the SD side of things, they are completely stacked as far as I am concerned. Benoit, Batista, Taker, Kane, Mark Henry, Booker T, Rey Mysterio, and Ken Kennedy; any one of those men could challenge for the title. If anything, someone from that pool will be moved to Raw to challenge the champ. If the WWE continue the monster route, the smart money is on Mark, but we will wait and see. Then again, there is a new and underutilized monster over on ECW. And he does have a need for some new….blood. So after the draft, SD will go on and probably will see Edge still feuding with Batista for the remainder of the year or until Kennedy comes back, whichever happens first.
Bobby Lashley- I honestly have no idea what is next for the current ECW champion. More than likely though, he is either going to get into a feud with Snitsky or, much like Cena, someone is going to be drafted to be his opponent. Considering what happened at SNME, Mark Henry is as good a choice as any. Some people night say Umaga, but if the rumors of his injury are true, they don’t want him getting into the ring with Lashley as they have already had some slobberknockers in the past and the WWE can only go to that well so many times. I guess Khali is a long shot to head over as well. Can you imagine a running powerslam with a 7ft4in man? Wow. The WWE could also look within ECW and see guys like Elijah Burke Marcus Cor Von. Add to that Snitsky and Kevin Thorn (who I am almost positive is gonna get drafted elsewhere) and you don’t really have that bad of depth to the heel side of the roster.
ECW itself- This draft could be just what the WWE needs to get ECW some attention. They could add some much needed depth to their roster. I mean they only have an hour and all, but they still need to have talent. Benoit used to be in ECW and he really isn’t doing anything, so why not send him over? I heard some other columnists mention Johnny Nitro’s name as well as he has a somewhat “edgy†character. With Punk being as good as gone, Johnny would be perfect to take his spot as the best newer talent in ECW.
Other wrestlers I see fitting in well in ECW include London and Kendrick, Randy Orton, Edge, Rey Mysterio, Carlito, The Hardyz, and even the Boogeyman. Whether or not any of these guys end up going remains to be seen.
There have been rumors flying all over the internet about a supposed “staredown†between WWE Champion John Cena, and former WWE wrestler, and current wrestling joke, Ron “The Truth†Killings. So here is the skinny, supposedly Cena and Truth saw each other at an airport and Cena got in his face. According to one “source†it “got pretty heated†between the two stars. Well, Killings is more a half star, if that. After this happened, Killings got on MYSPACE of all places and threw down the gauntlet so to speak. He said Cena was a wanna be Truth and that Cena can’t rap, and that he’s fake, blah blah blah. First of all, why is Truth responding to this “major incident†on a place where shitty bands, pedophiles, and the pre-teens who love them hang out? If this was such a big deal, wouldn’t it be on his personal website? Secondly, I doubt there was even that big a confrontation, if any. I bet they walked by each other, glanced the others way, and that was it. What was hilarious was a few smark sites were saying things to the effect of “Cena is lucky he didn’t get into a confrontation as it would look bad for the WWE Champion to be taken down by a TNA midcarder.†How do I dissect the bullshit in that sentence. First of all, who is to say who would have won in a fight? If they would have thrown down right there, I would have threw one stiff kick to Truths bum knee, and that would have been it. But a lot of people (morons) seem to be jumping on the Truth bandwagon. “He would kick Cena’s ass†blah blah blah. People are now backing a guy who sells less offense than The Great Khali. A man who is, more than likely, jealous of the fame and fortune of John Cena. If he wasn’t jealous and he didn’t care about money and fame, he would be a bad rapper and an even worse wrestler. You don’t get into wrestling to do it for free. The guy is obviously green with envy and since he can’t do anything about it as he is stuck in a failed wrestling career, he starts trying to bring others down. It’s really quite sad really…..Here is the bottom line, Killings sucks, and that’s the TRUTH!
The last segment this week is a new one that I was inspired to do by, you guessed it, ESPN. It’s called “I’m Not Buying It.†In the wrestling business, people get ideas and try to sell the people on it. “Cena is overcoming the oddsâ€, “This Italian guy is really from the Middle Eastâ€, or “The Undertaker is really ‘dead’â€. But sometimes there are things people don’t “buy†or accept and I’m going to tell you the things I don’t.
The 9 titles in the WWE- There are too many damn belts in the WWE. And as much as I hate Jeff Jarrett, he is very right when he says (if he said it) is that the more titles there are, the less they are worth. If I had it my way, I would have 3 big belts for each brand one, midcard belt, and one tag team title along with the specialty divisions. That’s 3 less belts, and trust me, it’d make a world of difference.
Johnny Nitro and Kenny Dykstra as a tag team- I know they have nothing to do right now, but they just clash. They don’t work now and they wont in the future. Don’t get me wrong, I have no problems with people getting paired up. Unlike a lot of other fucking complainers, I remember some of the most fun AND successful tag teams in history were simply paired up. Kane/Hurricane, Kane/X-Pac, Mankind/Austin, Mankind/Rock, The Hollywood Blonds, The Hart Foundation, The Rock/Jericho. The problem most people have is that they are using lower tier guys. You know, God forbid the WWE try to get wrestlers exposure. It just doesn’t work in this case.
Vince as a Southern preacher- I know he is acting crazy, but don’t ever do that again. It just sucked. Leave the Southern accents to Col. Robert Parker and Blubber Love.
The Great Khali as a professional wrestler- Umm, if you’ve read my work, you know my objections to this waste of life. He sucks. He cant sell. He cant promo. He has no moves. He has no charisma. He has nothing. He’s just a large pile of shit.
Randy Orton as a vicious heel- Orton is falling to what I am now calling the “Christian Syndrome.†This is when a heel is thrown into a part he obviously cant pull off. Randy Orton doesn’t have the look of a vicious heel. I look in his eyes and it’s just not there. That killer look from Taker, HHH, HBK, or Benoit. So after HHH comes back and kills the legend of Randy Orton…again…drop the “stalker†shtick ok WWE?
That’s it for this weeks No Smark Zone . My Smackdown review will be up tomorrow sometime and I apologize in advance for the lateness. Next week will be some predictions for Vengeance, draft fallout, and the 3rd installment of FACT or FICTION. Until then, see ya on the flipside.
:w00t1:
