Welcome to the 52ND No Smark Zone. This is my NSZ Awards show. I’d like to thank all of you for coming and dressing appropriately. Soulpower, couldn’t you have worn your dress poncho/sombrero outfit instead of the casual one? This IS an awards ceremony you know. KenFan is here somewhere too and its not hard to find him, just look for the guy with tourettes. Ninja*Star is in the crowd too I see. Its great he took time off from his buys job of running the worlds media and banks to be here tonight. And sadly, Monkeystyle couldn’t be here as he is busy picking out kitchen curtains while simultaneously getting his balls removed. But enough of that, ONTO THE SHOW
2008 was a great year for the business and the WWE in my opinion. We had a great crop of matches from a great crop of workers. New and fresh faces were being pushed, and it was chock full of surprises to boot. There were a few lackluster PPV’s but by and large, the WWE’s were more meaningful than they had been in the past. This year we saw the retirement of a legend, the battle of two titans, a rogue rise to the ranks and become champion, and a rated R superstar, get sent straight to hell. Love it or hate it, this year will definitely be one to remember.
Rookie Of The Year- Vladimir Kozlov
This one really shows your humble host’s impartiality. I really don’t like Kozlov. He’s got a great old school gimmick, but that’s the only upside I can see. He’s slow in the ring, he does the drunk sell from the 80s with a little less staggering, and his moveset, while broad, is still boring. He’s basically an uncharismatic Scott Steiner. And really there have been a lot of other great rookies this year like Evan Bourne and Primo Colon who both have, IMO, very bright futures as they are entertaining as hell. But other than those three, guys like Swagger and Ortiz didn’t do anything and the Bella’s, while sexy and debuting in an almost ingenious fashion, arent on par with my top three. So with those three, Kozlov, Primo, and Bourne, Kozzy clearly stands out. He’s been involved in a lot of the main event scene and serves his purpose well. His place in the triple threat leading into Survivor Series and after that in the Beat The Clock challenge was done to perfection. Add to that, he has, very hard hitting offense, which I love. I just wish it wasn’t as overly methodical as it currently is. But he is the clear stand out and he is my Rookie Of The Year.
Tag Team Of The Year- The Miz and John Morrison
Another showing of my objectivity because I really fucking hate The Miz. And I know people say they hate wrestlers a lot, but this is different. If I had a truck and the Miz was saving a puppy from peril, I would floor it and run down that bitch and to hell with the cute puppy. I really, REALLY don’t like him. But there is no denying that they were the one really good shining spot in the usually lackluster WWE tag team division. And really, they are entertaining when they want to be. Cryme Tyme are funny, but they didn’t do much. Jesse and Festus make me laugh a lot, but they also didn’t do much. Finally The Colon Brothers really had a great second half of the year, and they work well together, but I think the jury is still out on them as far as longevity. So factoring all of that in, I have to give it to MnM2k8. They have had a lot of funny moments this year, but I think the funniest moment was when they pulled the bell shtick with Festus on Smackdown.
Looking Forward Award- Montell Vontavius Porter
There were a lot of wrestlers who had very lackluster and just flat careers in the year 2008. Shelton Benjamin, while having good matches and winning the US Title over on Smackdown, didn’t do much else. Hurricane Helms just returned and I think he is set to make a big run. Carlito’s career was reinvigorated to a degree when he and his brother hooked up and are now Smackdowns premier tag team and I think 2009 could be bright for them. But one of the only undercard wrestlers right now who has a clear path he is on, is MVP. Make no mistake, do not think for one second that they are just jobbing him out for the sake of doing it. This angle is a classic “down on his luck†angle that can lead two ways. One is to turn MVP face after getting a lot of sympathy for him. Say he keeps losing and runs into a heel who makes it his lifes goal to fuck MVP over to make sure he cant get that bonus. And when he finally does, the people pop and viola, we have a face. The other way it can go is, MVP can lose a little more, and finally get his one win and revert to being the cocky prick we all know he is, but the heat is a bit stronger now because there were people who WERE feeling sorry for him, but when he starts the “Im better than you†shit up again they will go “ahh fuck you, I never liked you anyway.†It is something that wrestling is missing now a days, a simple, basic story. Instead of these 15 phase with choreographed “swerves†to keep the fans guessing.
Break Out Star Of The Year- CM Punk
A lot of underachievers and sophomores had a great year this year. Santino Marella has become the funniest character on Raw, hands down. Chris Jericho, after being fed to Randy Orton and feuding with JBL, turned heel and won the WHC twice in pretty surprising fashion. And Kofi Kingston came on like a house of fire and won the Intercontinental Title and is still one of the most over guys on the Raw undercard, if not the roster. But CM Punk really outshines them all. The day he got into the WWE, a lot of people shat all over it because he was an indy guy from ROH and the WWE would never push someone that good. He had some moderate success as the ECW Champion but no one thought in their wildest dreams, because of their cynicism, that he would be WHC let alone this early in his run in the WWE. But cynics be damned he did it. First he had an amazing MITB ladder match at WM 24. And then he held onto it. I didn’t think he was going to cash it in and win. I was dead set on him being the first person to cash it in and lose. But man was I wrong. He cashed it in at the most perfect of times, when seemingly all hope was lost for Raw. The title was leaving, what will happen? Who will save the show? Cue CM Punk who comes down and runs through a beaten Edge and we have the most shocking win of that title since it was brought back and handed to HHH.
Feud Of The Year- The Undertaker vs. Edge
This was truly a year that had a lot of great feuds that produced amazing matches. Chris Jericho and HBK had an amazing series of matches when Jericho turned heel near the middle of the year. The angle with HBKs wife and the eye injury was great old school heat getting booking. And it all pretty much culminated in what was the best ladder match ever in terms of psychology because, well look who’s in it. Jeff Hardy and HHH had a great thing going that started at Armageddon LAST year where Jeff took HHH out cleanly. It continued through No Way Out in a great Elimination Chamber match. Then when they were drafted to Smackdown, the feud picked up around Unforgiven when they both got into the SD Scramble, and finally it culminated at Armageddon. And hey, JBL vs. Punk provided solid entertainment. It was a basic “you don’t belong here†feud that is missing a lot of the time now a days because everything is so thought out.
But Edge/Taker was the feud de joure this year. It, like a few others, started at the end of last year when Edge won the WHC in Edge form in a triple threat match at Armageddon (I guess that’s becoming the staple of the PPV) He then faced Taker at Mania, after which we got a great thing where Takers “that, that, that submission move†was banned and therefore he was stripped of the title. After this, the two went on to face each other in an amazing TLC match at One Night Stand where The Undertaker was “banished†after he lost. Edge was riding high while he feuded with HHH but Vickie brought Taker back. Edge then snapped, which lead to probably the best heel performance of the year when Edge basically turned into The Joker and flipped out on his wife. Edge and The Undertaker ended their feud in classic fashion in Hell In A Cell where Undertaker prevailed and sent Edge into the fiery depths of hell. It was just great all around with very little, if any, flaws to it.
Match Of The Year- “The Heartbreak Kid†Shawn Michaels vs. “Nature Boy†Ric Flair at Wrestlemania 24
The year started out with a lot of great matches, Jeff Hardy vs. HBK on Raw was awesome. The Royal Rumble match was fucking amazing; and the Raw Elimination Chamber might be the best one ever. Then we came upon Wrestlemania. Now, I didn’t really have 00ber high expectations for the match because Ric Flair was really old and his work isnt ALWAYS what it used to be. It can be, he’s had some great matches with HHH and Randy Orton, but I didn’t know. I wasn’t thinking it was going to be the shits by any means, but there is no way I thought it was going to be THAT GOOD. The story is a classic one, old guard vs new, and the players are two of the best that the industry has ever seen, and probably will ever see. Both of them are actually seen to be the standard bearer for their generation of wrestler. And the thing that REALLY sealed it for me, wasn’t the action, because there were a few botches, but it was the absolute PERFECTION of the psychology. I cant think of more than 2 matches off the top of my head that were that sound from a psychology standpoint. Shawn Michaels got a little more vicious because when he got cocky with Flair over the past weeks, Flair fired up himself. And that came in a lot during the match. HBK was faster, younger, but Flair was the wily veteran he is. HBK even has a chance to pull the trigger early and doesn’t do it. When he gets his second chance, Ric sees his fate, and accepts it. These are the kind of moments that you see in the movies and it was more dramatic than most I have ever seen. At the end of the day, HBK does what he knows he has to do, and wins. And we see Ric Flair leave in dramatic fashion after what might be the greatest match he has ever had. Now, there were a lot of awesome matches that happened after .Hell the main event of Wrestlemania was really good. Edge and Taker also had two amazing matches later in Hell In A Cell and TLC. Shawn Michaels and Chris Jericho had an epic ladder match, Batista and John Cena had a knock down drag out between them at Summerslam, and Jeff Hardy won the biggest match of his career in quite an awesome triple threat at Armageddon. All of these matches were top notch, most of them *****, but none of them had it all like the “Retirement Match†had, and that’s why it is my Match of The Year.
Superstar Of The Year- Jeff Hardy
This was a real toss up between he and Edge because they both, arguably, had the best years of their respective careers. Edge mained his first Wrestlemania against who might be his greatest opponent of all time, The Undertaker. Edge also had a great subsequent series of matches with Taker including a great TLC match at One Night Stand and a MOTY candidate Hell In A Cell match at Summerslam. Add to that, he won the WWE Title in spectacular Edge fashion at the Survivor Series. That would be, to anyone, a career making year. But Jeff Hardy had one better. He started off the year involved in a feud with Randy Orton, having a great match up at the Royal Rumble after taking a sick dive off the Raw scaffolding weeks earlier. He also, in that time period, had just phenomenal (despite his no selling of the whole match at the end) matches with Umaga and Shawn Michaels on Raw. At No Way Out, he provided what might have been the moment of the night in the Raw Elimination Chamber doing a swanton from the top of a pod. He was, going into Mania, the odds on favorite to win Money In the Bank, but his demons crept up again and he was removed from the card, despite being advertised. While on suspension, his house burned down and he lost his dog, which is sad in and of itself. He came back and the WWE immediately seized on the “shoot†part of this life that just happened in a feud with MVP when he was traded to Smackdown. He had a great feud with HHH where he couldn’t quite get over him. There was a great Championship Scramble match at Unforgiven where Jeff almost won, and a great series of subsequent matches with HHH, all of which were always *** or more. Hardy finally, FINALLY, got to the mountain top at Armageddon in another MOTY candidate where he beat HHH and Edge to win the WWE Title.
Well I’d like to thank you all for coming. Please avoid SP when he’s driving out of the lot tonight as he drank all of the tequila at the bar. Next week its back to the regular NSZ and I will bring in the old man Karnack The Magnificent to make his predictions for 2009. Be here!!!!
2008 was a great year for the business and the WWE in my opinion. We had a great crop of matches from a great crop of workers. New and fresh faces were being pushed, and it was chock full of surprises to boot. There were a few lackluster PPV’s but by and large, the WWE’s were more meaningful than they had been in the past. This year we saw the retirement of a legend, the battle of two titans, a rogue rise to the ranks and become champion, and a rated R superstar, get sent straight to hell. Love it or hate it, this year will definitely be one to remember.
Rookie Of The Year- Vladimir Kozlov
This one really shows your humble host’s impartiality. I really don’t like Kozlov. He’s got a great old school gimmick, but that’s the only upside I can see. He’s slow in the ring, he does the drunk sell from the 80s with a little less staggering, and his moveset, while broad, is still boring. He’s basically an uncharismatic Scott Steiner. And really there have been a lot of other great rookies this year like Evan Bourne and Primo Colon who both have, IMO, very bright futures as they are entertaining as hell. But other than those three, guys like Swagger and Ortiz didn’t do anything and the Bella’s, while sexy and debuting in an almost ingenious fashion, arent on par with my top three. So with those three, Kozlov, Primo, and Bourne, Kozzy clearly stands out. He’s been involved in a lot of the main event scene and serves his purpose well. His place in the triple threat leading into Survivor Series and after that in the Beat The Clock challenge was done to perfection. Add to that, he has, very hard hitting offense, which I love. I just wish it wasn’t as overly methodical as it currently is. But he is the clear stand out and he is my Rookie Of The Year.
Tag Team Of The Year- The Miz and John Morrison
Another showing of my objectivity because I really fucking hate The Miz. And I know people say they hate wrestlers a lot, but this is different. If I had a truck and the Miz was saving a puppy from peril, I would floor it and run down that bitch and to hell with the cute puppy. I really, REALLY don’t like him. But there is no denying that they were the one really good shining spot in the usually lackluster WWE tag team division. And really, they are entertaining when they want to be. Cryme Tyme are funny, but they didn’t do much. Jesse and Festus make me laugh a lot, but they also didn’t do much. Finally The Colon Brothers really had a great second half of the year, and they work well together, but I think the jury is still out on them as far as longevity. So factoring all of that in, I have to give it to MnM2k8. They have had a lot of funny moments this year, but I think the funniest moment was when they pulled the bell shtick with Festus on Smackdown.
Looking Forward Award- Montell Vontavius Porter
There were a lot of wrestlers who had very lackluster and just flat careers in the year 2008. Shelton Benjamin, while having good matches and winning the US Title over on Smackdown, didn’t do much else. Hurricane Helms just returned and I think he is set to make a big run. Carlito’s career was reinvigorated to a degree when he and his brother hooked up and are now Smackdowns premier tag team and I think 2009 could be bright for them. But one of the only undercard wrestlers right now who has a clear path he is on, is MVP. Make no mistake, do not think for one second that they are just jobbing him out for the sake of doing it. This angle is a classic “down on his luck†angle that can lead two ways. One is to turn MVP face after getting a lot of sympathy for him. Say he keeps losing and runs into a heel who makes it his lifes goal to fuck MVP over to make sure he cant get that bonus. And when he finally does, the people pop and viola, we have a face. The other way it can go is, MVP can lose a little more, and finally get his one win and revert to being the cocky prick we all know he is, but the heat is a bit stronger now because there were people who WERE feeling sorry for him, but when he starts the “Im better than you†shit up again they will go “ahh fuck you, I never liked you anyway.†It is something that wrestling is missing now a days, a simple, basic story. Instead of these 15 phase with choreographed “swerves†to keep the fans guessing.
Break Out Star Of The Year- CM Punk
A lot of underachievers and sophomores had a great year this year. Santino Marella has become the funniest character on Raw, hands down. Chris Jericho, after being fed to Randy Orton and feuding with JBL, turned heel and won the WHC twice in pretty surprising fashion. And Kofi Kingston came on like a house of fire and won the Intercontinental Title and is still one of the most over guys on the Raw undercard, if not the roster. But CM Punk really outshines them all. The day he got into the WWE, a lot of people shat all over it because he was an indy guy from ROH and the WWE would never push someone that good. He had some moderate success as the ECW Champion but no one thought in their wildest dreams, because of their cynicism, that he would be WHC let alone this early in his run in the WWE. But cynics be damned he did it. First he had an amazing MITB ladder match at WM 24. And then he held onto it. I didn’t think he was going to cash it in and win. I was dead set on him being the first person to cash it in and lose. But man was I wrong. He cashed it in at the most perfect of times, when seemingly all hope was lost for Raw. The title was leaving, what will happen? Who will save the show? Cue CM Punk who comes down and runs through a beaten Edge and we have the most shocking win of that title since it was brought back and handed to HHH.
Feud Of The Year- The Undertaker vs. Edge
This was truly a year that had a lot of great feuds that produced amazing matches. Chris Jericho and HBK had an amazing series of matches when Jericho turned heel near the middle of the year. The angle with HBKs wife and the eye injury was great old school heat getting booking. And it all pretty much culminated in what was the best ladder match ever in terms of psychology because, well look who’s in it. Jeff Hardy and HHH had a great thing going that started at Armageddon LAST year where Jeff took HHH out cleanly. It continued through No Way Out in a great Elimination Chamber match. Then when they were drafted to Smackdown, the feud picked up around Unforgiven when they both got into the SD Scramble, and finally it culminated at Armageddon. And hey, JBL vs. Punk provided solid entertainment. It was a basic “you don’t belong here†feud that is missing a lot of the time now a days because everything is so thought out.
But Edge/Taker was the feud de joure this year. It, like a few others, started at the end of last year when Edge won the WHC in Edge form in a triple threat match at Armageddon (I guess that’s becoming the staple of the PPV) He then faced Taker at Mania, after which we got a great thing where Takers “that, that, that submission move†was banned and therefore he was stripped of the title. After this, the two went on to face each other in an amazing TLC match at One Night Stand where The Undertaker was “banished†after he lost. Edge was riding high while he feuded with HHH but Vickie brought Taker back. Edge then snapped, which lead to probably the best heel performance of the year when Edge basically turned into The Joker and flipped out on his wife. Edge and The Undertaker ended their feud in classic fashion in Hell In A Cell where Undertaker prevailed and sent Edge into the fiery depths of hell. It was just great all around with very little, if any, flaws to it.
Match Of The Year- “The Heartbreak Kid†Shawn Michaels vs. “Nature Boy†Ric Flair at Wrestlemania 24
The year started out with a lot of great matches, Jeff Hardy vs. HBK on Raw was awesome. The Royal Rumble match was fucking amazing; and the Raw Elimination Chamber might be the best one ever. Then we came upon Wrestlemania. Now, I didn’t really have 00ber high expectations for the match because Ric Flair was really old and his work isnt ALWAYS what it used to be. It can be, he’s had some great matches with HHH and Randy Orton, but I didn’t know. I wasn’t thinking it was going to be the shits by any means, but there is no way I thought it was going to be THAT GOOD. The story is a classic one, old guard vs new, and the players are two of the best that the industry has ever seen, and probably will ever see. Both of them are actually seen to be the standard bearer for their generation of wrestler. And the thing that REALLY sealed it for me, wasn’t the action, because there were a few botches, but it was the absolute PERFECTION of the psychology. I cant think of more than 2 matches off the top of my head that were that sound from a psychology standpoint. Shawn Michaels got a little more vicious because when he got cocky with Flair over the past weeks, Flair fired up himself. And that came in a lot during the match. HBK was faster, younger, but Flair was the wily veteran he is. HBK even has a chance to pull the trigger early and doesn’t do it. When he gets his second chance, Ric sees his fate, and accepts it. These are the kind of moments that you see in the movies and it was more dramatic than most I have ever seen. At the end of the day, HBK does what he knows he has to do, and wins. And we see Ric Flair leave in dramatic fashion after what might be the greatest match he has ever had. Now, there were a lot of awesome matches that happened after .Hell the main event of Wrestlemania was really good. Edge and Taker also had two amazing matches later in Hell In A Cell and TLC. Shawn Michaels and Chris Jericho had an epic ladder match, Batista and John Cena had a knock down drag out between them at Summerslam, and Jeff Hardy won the biggest match of his career in quite an awesome triple threat at Armageddon. All of these matches were top notch, most of them *****, but none of them had it all like the “Retirement Match†had, and that’s why it is my Match of The Year.
Superstar Of The Year- Jeff Hardy
This was a real toss up between he and Edge because they both, arguably, had the best years of their respective careers. Edge mained his first Wrestlemania against who might be his greatest opponent of all time, The Undertaker. Edge also had a great subsequent series of matches with Taker including a great TLC match at One Night Stand and a MOTY candidate Hell In A Cell match at Summerslam. Add to that, he won the WWE Title in spectacular Edge fashion at the Survivor Series. That would be, to anyone, a career making year. But Jeff Hardy had one better. He started off the year involved in a feud with Randy Orton, having a great match up at the Royal Rumble after taking a sick dive off the Raw scaffolding weeks earlier. He also, in that time period, had just phenomenal (despite his no selling of the whole match at the end) matches with Umaga and Shawn Michaels on Raw. At No Way Out, he provided what might have been the moment of the night in the Raw Elimination Chamber doing a swanton from the top of a pod. He was, going into Mania, the odds on favorite to win Money In the Bank, but his demons crept up again and he was removed from the card, despite being advertised. While on suspension, his house burned down and he lost his dog, which is sad in and of itself. He came back and the WWE immediately seized on the “shoot†part of this life that just happened in a feud with MVP when he was traded to Smackdown. He had a great feud with HHH where he couldn’t quite get over him. There was a great Championship Scramble match at Unforgiven where Jeff almost won, and a great series of subsequent matches with HHH, all of which were always *** or more. Hardy finally, FINALLY, got to the mountain top at Armageddon in another MOTY candidate where he beat HHH and Edge to win the WWE Title.
Well I’d like to thank you all for coming. Please avoid SP when he’s driving out of the lot tonight as he drank all of the tequila at the bar. Next week its back to the regular NSZ and I will bring in the old man Karnack The Magnificent to make his predictions for 2009. Be here!!!!
