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We open up to some commentary from Cole and Dude Love, welcoming us to the event. Production Teams made an actual Temple, so that is where all matches will take place. And opening up, we see a Not-So-Friendly 400+ pound man being carried to the ring by 8 locals. Dave Meltzer says that they are reportedly being paid thousands of dollars because nobody backstage wanted to do it.
Then out came Mojo Rawley. The Greatest Football Player in the world. We got notice that this match would be a qualifier for the "Cash In The Vault" Ladder Match @ WrestleRaid.
Last Man Standing Mojo Rawley (0-1) vs Mabel (0-0)
The Summary:
Rawley's hyper attitude combined with Mabel's slow pace made for a horrible clash of styles. Rawley at one point picked up Mabel, but almost shattered his shoulder trying to put him through a table. Mabel got the early advantage, headbutting Rawley until Mabel was busted open. Mabel set Rawley on a table as he scaled the top rope. Luckily it didn't break as Mabel dived off. Rawley rolled off the table as Mabel went straight through it.
Rawley stood at the ropes, waiting for Mabel to get up. Mabel got to his feet at a count of 9 before being sent straight through the ropes with a Shoulder Bash. This time, Mabel was out for the 10 count.
Winner: Mojo Rawley (1-1)
Star Rating: 1.25/5
Rawley celebrated his win by being knocked over by Spanky. He was running from Mosh and Thrasher with the SUPWC Championship, as he began to climb the scaffolding. Spanky managed to hit Mosh in the head with the title, sending them both tumbling down the scaffolding onto the ring mat. Spanky made his way to the top of the Scaffolding celebrating his break. He turned around to see a big bad Gangrel staring right at him.
Scaffolding Match
CWA SUPWC Championship
Spanky {c} (1-0) vs Gangrel (0-0)
Gangrel immediately tried to throw Spanky off but Spanky managed to maneuver over the the backside of Spanky. The two would proceed to fight for the next 3 minutes before Mosh and Thrasher made there way back up to the top. Mosh was on Spanky's side and Thrasher was on Gangrel's side. And Spanky and Gangrel put aside the match to hit the Headbangers with their finishers. Once that was done, Gangrel snatched the title from Spanky's hands and wacked him in the head with it. After an Impaler, Gangrel rolled Spanky off the scaffolding for the win!
Winner: Gangrel (1-0)
Star Rating: 2.75/5
Gangrel celebrated his victory by stomping on Mosh. As he scaled down a mysterious man with his hands in his pants came to the ring. And then he somehow did some Springboard Dropkick with his hands in his pocket. Listen, I don't know how Orange Cassidy works. Cassidy put one foot on Gangrel the three count.
NEW SUPWC CHAMP: ORANGE CASSIDY
Orange Cassidy simply picked up the title and went backstage as we went to who we are sponsoring
THE GRIMPACT ZONE
JORTS! LINCE DORADO
Now that were back in the ring and everyone was cleared out, Shockmaster and El Torito came to the ring, with Shockmaster holding a walking cane so he didn't fall again. Mosh and Thrasher then came out, having been thrown off Scaffolding only 5 minutes ago. But we have the "Aztec Holy Water" which can improve your body.
Buy Aztec Holy Water @ your local Walmart. This is Alcohol.Don't feed it to kids or your tag team partner who is dressed like a bull.
Then came out Ariel and Lita. They already had their evening gowns on. Somewhere, Jerry Lawler is saying "PUPPIES"
Evening Gown Ariel and Lita (0-0) vs Shockmaster and El Torito (0-1) vs The Headbangers (0-1)
Summary:
Everyone put on their evening gowns. Shockmaster's ripped so he was eliminated. Torito did some super mega luchador mini bullcrap and ripped off Lita and Ariel's evening gown' at the same time. Turns out they were naked.
The next 5 minutes is footage of the cameramen chasing them down. Finally as we get to the ring. It's El Torito and The Headbangers. And then, well. Moss accidentally ripped his own Evening gown off and Torito took off Thrasher's with his horns.
Winner: El Torito and Shockmaster (1-1)
Star Rating: .25/5
Torito celebrated as Orange Cassidy enters the ring. Cassidy was "running" fom Spanky, Gangrel, and Truth. Torito ran at Cassidy, but Cassidy simply flipped Torito into Truth and Gangrel. However Cassidy was still on the floor as Spanky covered him for the 1 2 3
New SUPWC Champion: Spanky
Spanky ran off from the crowd as we cut backstage to Kobald and Funaki fighting. Looks like this First Blood Match is underway
First Blood
Kobald vs Funaki (0-1)
The Summary:
Funaki has yet another great match. Kobald and Funaki begin to beat the everloving sh|t out of each other before Kobald pulls Cheese Grater out of a bag. Before Kobald could cut Funaki, Funaki superkicked Kobald into the Lockerroom of Vince Russo. Vince Russo is busy playing with Dan Severn's muscles to notice the two, so they slowly leave. As soon as they shut the door, Kobald lowblowwed Funaki before calling in THE BATIRI. They came into with spiked boots, looking to stomp on Funaki before
THE HARDY BOYZ SHOWED UP. The Hardy Boyz and the Batiri begin to fight as Funaki and Kobald brawl as well. Looks like we have two matches at once. The Hardy Boyz and The Batiri fight to the ring for their 60 Minute Iron Man Match.
Kobald and Funaki would fight for 22 more minutes, before the first fall in the iron man match. Funaki nailed Kobald in the skull with a Knee before going for a Piledriver. Kobald managed to escape though and slammed Funaki headfirst into a steel pillar. Funaki was busted open as Kobald continued to stomp on him.
Winner: Kobald (1-0)
Star Rating: 4.5/5
60 Minute Iron Man Match
CWA Tag Team Titles The Hardy Boyz (1-0) vs The Batiri [Obariyon and Kodama] (1-0)
Summary:
Jeff and Obariyon would mainly fight on the inside while Matt and Kodama fought on the outside. The pairs would exchange tags before the 24 minute mark. Kodama and Obariyon were pissed and threw Jeff through a table, almost killing him. Matt wanted revenge, so he hit Obariyon with a Side Effect and Kodama with a Twist Of Fate. Matt pinned Kodama for the first fall.
Fall #1: Matt Hardy {26:43}
Hardy would continue to beat on Kodama for the next ten minutes. Then pins exchanged and kick outs at two. At the 57minute mark, it was still 1-0. So the Batiri threw Matt out of the ring and hit Jeff with a Seventh Circle. But Jeff Hardy kicked out. The bell would ring after he kicked out, awarding the CWA Tag Titles to The Hardy Boyz
WINNERS; THE HARDY BOYZ (2-0)
Match Rating: 3.5
The Hardyz celebrated their win, making history.
However, we were then alerted that Moxley wouldn't be able to make it to the show for the Drunk Mans Ladder Match thanks to severe burns on his body. However, World War 4 will include an Ultimate Inferno Match between Moxley and Spears.
But now we had the Chairs Match. Gargano came out with a chair, before throwing it into the Crowd Again. You Moron. Then Brian Cage came out to get the match going
Chair Match Johnny Gargano (0-0) vs Brian Cage (0-0)
Summary: Cage immediately went after Gargano, but Gargano managed to roll out of his every move. He didn't get much offense in either, as every time he went to attack Cage, Cage sorta threw him over the top rope. Gargano's first power move came with him hitting Cage with a chair, before landing a Spike DDT onto the Chair. However, someone lurks into the dark, waiting for his moment. Gargano kept Cage grounded with stomps, and even locked in a GargaNO ESCAPE. Cage easily busted out of this move, before almost knocking Gargano straight out with a Shoulder Tackle.
For the next 6 or some minutes, Gargano was Powerbombed, Body Slammed, and brutalized. Until a miracle happened. Gargano managed to reverse a Spear into Snake Eyes. The fans began to boo as Gargano slowly locked in the GargaNO ESCAPE. But it never happened. Red mist began to appear as Gargano slowly got up. He turned into a V-TRIGGER. Schiavone shouts "KENNY OMEGA IS IN CWA!" Omega hits Gargano with 2 more V-Trigger, as we see his bloody nose. Gargano hit Omega with a chair this time. Omega left the ring as Cage hit Gargano with a Sit-Out Powerbomb for the victory.
Winner: Brian Cage
Star Rating: 4.75/5
Cage stood over Gargano. It was clear that this feud wasn't over, but now Cage has an ally. But then Vince Russo came out with Dan Severn to make an announcement.
Russo: BRIAN CAGE! Congratulations! Now, Kenny Omega, I want you to here this. At World War 4, we will have a 4 v 4 WAR GAMES MATCH between Team Gargano and Team Cage. I welcome anyone backstage to pick their side!"
Russo left as Severn went to the ring. The ropes were taken off as this would be the FINAL MATCH in the ring tonight. Then Disco Inferno came out with his Disco Divas, strutting their stuff. Inferno entered the ring with Severn, ready to win their match against Holly and Kizarny. As the two awaited Holly and Kizarny, they were attacked from behind by a flying Trash Can. Holly finally got his hands on a weapon as he chucked in a few chairs. Kizarny hit a Crossbody off the top of the cage to get this match started.
Lions Den
Dan Severn and Disco Inferno vs Kizarny and Spark Plug Holly
Summary:
Holly took the fight to Inferno quickly, hitting him with a few chairs. But it was a different story for Kizarny/Severn. Severn locked Kizarny in a Kirifuda Clutch pretty fast. Before Kizarny could tap out, Holly hit Severn with a Trash Can to the head. Severn let go on Kizarny and stumbled back as Holly went to beat down on him. Kizarny stumbled around the ring as Inferno Superkicked him to the floor. He locked Kizarny in a Boston Crab, attempting to put pressure on.
12 minutes in, Severn punched Holly, knocking him out. Kizarny then at Severn, but was quickly locked into a "Beast Choker." Kizarny passed out within 8 seconds, being eliminated.
First Eliminated: Kizarny
Before Severn could pick up Holly, Holly somehow had a knife. He held to Severn's throat, yelling at him to quit. Severn eventually yelled that he quit. What a heel move.
Second Eliminated: Dan Severn
Holly threw the knife out of the ring before being nailed in the head with a Knee from Inferno. For the next {checks watch} 10 minutes, Inferno and Holly duked it out, before Holly smashed a chair into Inferno's ribcage. Inferno fell to the floor as Holly locked in a Cattle Mutilation. Inferno tapped out after 4 minutes in the move, granting the victory to
Winners: Kizarny and Spark Plug Holly
Star Rating: 3.5/5[/SPOILER]
Holly didn't celebrate for long after Dan Severn entered the ring and locked him in a Beast Choker. Officials had to pull Severn off of Holly's limp body as we cut to a different location. Somewhere in a jungle, there were pits, rocks, snake boxes, and a whole lot of stuff. Crimson arrived first, staring at everything. He picked up a Baseball bat before hearing a noise. RVD showed up with his CWA title, before Scott Steiner approached him. Before Steiner could attack him, Orton came slivering in with an RKO. With only 4/5 people there, the chaos began!
SACRIFICE TO THE GODS MATCH
CWA TITLE
Orton and RVD began to square off, trading blows as Crimson made his way to a container full of snakes. As he opened it up, Shango appeared from behind and rolled up Crimson. Crimson kicked out at 1 and hit Shango with a Heel Kick. Steiner got himself up and went to attack RVD and Orton. They, however, instead hit Steiner with a Double DDT. RVD then climbed up a small Hill as Orton began to set up for the punt. He charged at Steiner only to be picked up and put into a Powerbomb Position. He threw Orton at RVD, who was trying to catch his balance. Both men fell to the floor as Steiner went over to Crimson and Shango.
Steiner attempted to clothesline them both, but Shango hit him with a Shoulder Breaker. Crimson joined in on the fun, hitting him with a Red Alert. Orton found his way over to Steiner and Punt kicked him. Finally, RVD came over and managed to find a platform high enough for a 5 Star Frog Splash. RVD covered Steiner to SACRIFICE HIM!
First Eliminated: Scott Steiner
The four way truce didn't last long as Crimson rolled up Shango. Shango kicked out as we skip 20 minutes of action. After twenty minutes, RVD is busted open, weakly picking Orton up. At this point, Crimson was inside a pile of dirt and Shango was barely getting up. RVD went for a Brick to the head of Orton, but Orton ducked. This hit Shango instead, knocking him clean out. As RVD stared in disbelief at him, Orton threw him into a pit and covered Shango for the 3 count.
Second Eliminated: Papa Shango
Orton stood over Shango, spitting some blood on him. He turned around into a Spining jump kick from RVD. The two would continue to fight for up to 15 minutes before Orton nailed RVD in his little Van Dams. Orton backed up to a metal box and began to set up for the Punt. Before he could hit RVD though, Crimson came up and rolled Orton up. Orton hit his head on the box as Crimson got the three count, leaving two left.
Third Eliminated: Randy Orton
RVD and Crimson stared a bloody stare at each other. The two would wait for a few seconds to catch their breath. As RVD took a step forward, Crimson leaped forward. This was a 20+ minute bloody brawl, with weapon shots a plenty. Crimson has just hit RVD with a Red Sky, before pulling the CWA World Champ up. He went for a strike to the head before ... RVD sprung back to life and hit RVD with a Uranagi into a pit. Crimson dropped 8 feet in, having the wind taken out of him. RVD sat over the pit, catching a breath. He began to set up, doing his signature taunt 2 times. He sprung into the air and came down into the pit, onto Crimson, with a 5 Star Frog Splash. It collided with Crimson, but as RVD bounced up, an adrenaline rush came. Crimson hooked RVD's legs and pulled him into a small package. The gods counted
1
2
RVD shifted the weight to his favor, leaving the gods to count.
1
2
Crimson managed to move the weight back into his favor.
1
2
3
Winner: Crimson (1-0) {1:03:37}
Star Rating: 6.5/5
Crimson let RVD go, laying in the pit for a few minutes. A ladder dropped down, as Crimson began to climb it. At the top ... was the CWA Championship. Crimson picked up the title and limped off from the battlefield .... as champion.
~~~~
World War 4 Card
{WW4 Match}
Team Gargano
{Johnny Gargano, ???, ???, ???}
vs
Team Cage
{Brian Cage, Kenny Omega, Spark Plug Holly, Kizarny}
Ask to get in
Grand Inferno Match
Jon Moxley vs Shawn Spears
{WW4 Match}
Team ???
{???,???,??,???,???}
vs
Team ???
{???,???,???,???,???}
SUPWC Championship Match
Over The Top Rope Match
Mosh vs Thrasher vs R Truth vs Gangrel vs Spanky {c}
~~~~~
[If you want a slot in the card above or want a certain match, feel free to tell me}
I believe anyone is eligible but it's a comedy league so pick accordingly. That said, I picked Dan Severn bc I think he'd be hilarious in a comedy league despite not being funny whatsoever lol
YEAH BUDDEH
