Some Advice needed

[Chris Michaels]

Okay... A select few people here know about this, but I am going to ask everyone's advice...

When I was 18, I met the guy of my dreams.. There have been a lot of rough patches, which I expected, and we broke up in November 2012. Been together for almost 7 years. He was all I knew, and he is now in Florida, im in DC. I have been SEVERELY struggling with trying to move on. I cant... I'm in another relationship now, and its good, but its not what im use to with my ex.

I cannot compare because their both different people, but every day I wake up wishing the past few months has been a nightmare only. My ex is already involved too, we love each other, but i think he is too afraid of compromising his relationship, as am I, to get back together. What do i do?

 

[Petty]

Wow. You know matters of the heart of the hardest things to deal with. I respect you for being as open as you are to ask us for some advice. But I know the feeling man. I didn't have seven years in but I fucked it up. So naturally, I had a hard time letting go, even being as weak as I was this past winter trying to rekindle that, to find out she wasn't it. There was no way to work it out. Sometimes little things remind me of her and I may end up missing her alittle, but my resolve returns and I'm sure she does the same. It's a complicated issue.


The thing is, there is no wrong way to go about this. Some people will tell you, follow your heart, some will tell you fuck him, move on. Some will be like (and I was a sucker for this line before) if you set it free, if it's meant to be it will return. No amount of advice can prepare you or spare you I'm sure heartache, sleepless nights and whatever you may do to deal with it. But you know whats the best thing, you're still friends. Not alot of people who dated and it ended bad or good can still remain friends and go on like nothing ever happened.

My advice would be take it slow, be sure this is what you want to do. Our hearts can be misleading in our decision making. I say just stay around friends, do stuff that makes you happy and be his friend. Work on things slowly and see where it goes, life has a funny way of working out. I wish I could be of more help than this but alas we don't have all the answers and this issue was the hardest thing I ever went through. It looks like you're handling it better than most it seems. I personally was a wreck. Good luck man.

 

[Fuji Vice]

Okay... A select few people here know about this, but I am going to ask everyone's advice...

When I was 18, I met the guy of my dreams.. There have been a lot of rough patches, which I expected, and we broke up inNovember 2012. Been together for almost 7 years. He was all I knew, and he is now in Florida, im in DC. I have been SEVERELY struggling with trying to move on. I cant... I'm in another relationship now, and its good, but its not what im use to with my ex. I cannot compare because their both different people, but every day I wake up wishing the past few months has been a nightmare only. My ex is already involved too, we love each other, but i think he is too afraid of compromising his relationship, as am I, to get back together. What do i do?

Alright, first off, you have to decide if your current relationship is worth being in if you still have such strong feelings for your ex. Regardless of his feelings, yours are the most important and need to be your main point of focus. As rough as this may sound, perhaps you'd be better off not being in any sort of relationship right now, as having time to yourself affords you the opportunity to reflect on who you are and what you want to be. You can then use your experience in previous relationships to form a template for what you're looking for in the next one. If that adds up to your ex, then by all means do your best to fight for it, but if it doesn't, be strong enough to move on.

Oh and if you actually take that advice, try thinking about how much you've grown as a person in the seven years since you've known him.

Some will be like (and I was a sucker for this line before) if you set it free, if it's meant to be it will return.

People only say that when they're concerned about your feelings. They've already moved on from an emotional standpoint.

Not alot of people who dated and it ended bad or good can still remain friends and go on like nothing ever happened.

Mainly due to the fact that one feels slighted by the other since there are no "mutual" breakups. However, with that being said, I still do business with an ex from a long time ago and since it's profitable there's no real animosity.

Our hearts can be misleading in our decision making.

Too true, which is all the more reason to use our heads as well.

Good luck CM, if you need us you know we're here.

 

[Petty]

Yeah, I agree with Fuji you can holla at us anytime I doubt any of us would mind being helpful. And Fuji, you're right. And if anyone is a follow his heart kind of person it's me. So this issue he is having hits home. I just got over having to deal with this. And using my mind, and not following my heart was very hard to do.

 

[The Great Cochrane]

I had a hard time letting someone go as well. Maybe not for the length of time in your situation, but I can imagine the feeling's mutual. I figure the best way to deal with something like this was to consult a professional therapist. And this was the advice that they gave me.

The best way to help move on from a situation like this is to see something negative in that person. Yes, you will destroy what you love the most about this. But would you rather destroy a small part of your mind that from the sounds is haunting you (yes, although you may not look at it, it is obsessive at this point), or eventually destroy your whole mind and create more mental problems for yourself in the long run? Besides, if you continue to let this rule your mind, you're going to let your life pass you by and miss out on so much more that life has to offer. You have to keep an open heart, and if you truly love the person you're with right now you will make the most of that. One of the hardest things I found after many years was to be happy with what you have, but the second you stop wanting more the more natural they come. And if it's not meant to be, than it's not meant to be.

I hope I didn't hurt your feelings by any stretch of the imagination, bro. But I sincerely believe you can move on from this... you just have to try.