April 1st, 2002
Pepsi Arena, Albany, New York
The scene opens to a hot crowd in the Pepsi Arena in Albany, New York. We are welcomed by the ever familiar voice of Jim Ross on the mic.
Jim Ross: Hello everyone, and welcome to Monday Night RAW!!! A new era has begun for us here in the WWF as last week the first ever WWE Brand Split Draft occurred! Tonight you’re gonna see action like none you’ve ever witnessed. I’m joined here by my broadcast colleague, the one, the only, Jerry “The King” Lawler!
Jerry Lawler: That’s right, what an electric atmosphere out here, JR! I’m excited alongside all these fans and we want action now!
JR: Well I don’t think we’ll have long to wait, because here comes the Commissioner of Monday Night RAW, the son of Vince McMahon, Shane McMahon!
From the back comes Shane O’ Mac in a fine crimson suit, fitting for WWE’s Red Brand. To raucous cheers of the crowd, he makes his way to the ring.
King: Woah mama, check out that suit, JR. You gonna get a suit like that? I bet you’d look spiffy in one.
JR: I’m fine with what I have, King. Shane however does look a little dapper in that, I must admit.
The crowd chants “RAW is War” as Shane grabs a microphone and waits for the chants to die down before speaking, wearing a huge grin all the while.
Shane: Thank you, thank you! How do you like the new set, everyone? We on RAW spared no expense to give you a presentation unique to our, shall we say, “compatriots”. I won’t be keeping you guys in waiting, I only have a few things to say, so let’s get the show on the road! First things first, there’s a few things to address. So number one on the list: I will be taking care of the business side of Monday Night RAW, and as such, I need help making sure the matches happen and the wrestlers are kept in line. I’m sure you've heard about him last week at the draft, so without further ado… The official General Manager of Monday Night Raw… “The Heartbreak Kid” Shawn Michaels!!!
King: What!?
JR: Well I’ll be damned. We haven’t seen Shawn Michaels since almost a year and a half! Now he’s the General Manager of RAW!?
King: Well, you know what they say, “good things come to those who wait”!
JR: You’re telling me. I’m more concerned with what he has in his hands though.
Out comes Shawn Michaels to a huge applause, fans excited to see the return of the Heartbreak Kid. Shawn carries “something” in his hands, covered by a small, thin velvet blanket.
HBK: Shane, man. I gotta tell you, it feels great to be back! I missed this, them, and the WWE! I promise to do my best and keep the peace as best I can, Shane. You can trust me, Shane O’. People will be bending to the Heartbreak Kid’s will, I guarantee it. I’m your man for the job, I-
Shane: We got it, Shawn.
HBK: Oh-! Too much? Can ya tell I’m excited?
Shane: I can tell. While you’re here, why don’t you address the second big issue we have.
HBK: Don’t mind if I do! Ladies and gentlemen, we have a major issue here on Monday Night RAW. We… have no WWE Champion. I know! I know! Shocking! How dare Triple H not get drafted.
HBK turns his head and looks at Shane facetiously before speaking again. Shane gives him a look, as if to say he’s slightly offended.
HBK: So what do we do, ladies and gentlemen? Well, we have an idea, I’m sure you guys will love it. First allow me to present the WWE Championship, if you didn't see it at WrestleMania!
Shawn pulls the blanket to reveal the gorgeous and brand new golden championship belt. The crowd cheers at the sight of the Winged Eagle design, reminiscent of the 90's Championship Belt.
HBK: What we have planned for the WWE Championship will surely impress! Tonight-
JR: Well it looks like The Rock is not gonna wait long for this! The #2 Official Draft Pick of the Brand Split Draft is making his way down to the ring!
King: It’s The Most Electrifying Man in Sports Entertainment, JR, and he looks like he means business.
JR: No doubt about that, King. He looks focused and as intense as ever.
The Rock makes his way down to the ring and poses for the fans before turning over and staring down Shawn Michaels.
The Rock: FINALLY… The Rock has come back… to Albany! Well, well, well… what have we here in The Rock’s ring? The Heartbreak Kid, I don’t believe my eyes. Where have you been, Shawn? Don’t answer that, I don’t care. The better question is, why do you think The Rock came out here as soon as the WWE Championship was mentioned?
HBK: Well-
The Rock: It doesn’t matter what you think!!!
The crowd "oohs" at the sight of Shawn getting roasted.
HBK: I walked into that one.
The Rock: No no, you know your role and shut your mouth while The Rock talks. Now then; The Rock is here for one reason. One reason only… well two, the first one is I’m legally obligated to.
HBK: He’s talking about you Shane, better do something!
The Rock looks over at Shane, who points to himself and mouths, “Me?” He then looks back to Shawn. The Rock points over to the WWE Championship that Shawn Michaels is holding.
The Rock: The second is that right there. The WWE Championship. I want it. Now tell me, Shawn, which roody-poo candy ass Jabroni does The Rock have to kick between the legs to get that belt.
HBK: Very good question, Rock. However, I wouldn’t advise kicking anyone between the legs, or you might just not get the WWE Championship, if you know what I mean.
The two stare each other down and The Rock steps right up to Shawn.
HBK: I’m a fair minded man, but you step outta line, Rocky-boy, and I’ll make sure your ass is grass.
The Rock: You’re lucky you’re retired, Shawn, or I’d beat your candy-ass all over this building.
HBK: Well, you know what they say, some things just don’t last forever. It’s funny, though Rocky. We never did have a wrestling match. Maybe you were just afraid I’d show you up like the Heartbreak Kid shows everyone up?
King: Is our General Manager really antagonizing The Rock like that!?
JR: It definitely seems like it. Shawn’s been retired for four years now, but he sure knows how to fire people up.
JR: Uh-oh, here we go.
King: It’s my favorite wrestler, JR! Kurt Angle is in the building!
Kurt Angle walks down the aisle but stays out of the ring, a safe distance away from The Rock.
Angle: Isn’t this precious? A lovers spat! Rock, Shawn, you’re gonna make me cry.
JR: Oh,
please.
Angle: Cry of laughter of course. Rock, you really think you’re gonna be the new WWE Champion? Not on my watch. You’re not an Olympic Gold Medalist, are you? No, you aren’t.
The Rock: Angle, you’re absolutely right. I’m not a Gold Medalist. We all know your story, won a Gold Medal with a broken neck-
Angle: A broken fricken neck! Gotta put the frick in there. It’s very important.
The Rock: … What you said. But you know what else you’re a Gold Medalist in?
Angle: Oh, oh! Don’t tell me! Is it the Gold Medal for the best smile in WWE? I do have a great smile, don’t I?
HBK: I don’t think that’s what Rocky-boy means, Kurt.
Angle: How can’t it? Everyone knows it’s true. It’s damn true. Well if that isn’t it, is it the Gold Medal for healthiest lifestyle!? Most American? I give up, Rock, tell me.
The Rock: You are a certified Gold Medalist in getting your jabroni ass beaten by “The Most Electrifying Man in Sports Entertainment”!
The crowd chants and uproariously laughs at the expense of Kurt Angle, who huffs about in a state of embarrassment and anger.
HBK: Are you gonna take that, Angle?
Angle: N-no!? I’ll show you, Rock, just get in the ring with me tonight, I’ll show you who deserves to be WWE Champion-
JR: People are coming out of the damn woodwork! What the hell does that snake Jericho want!?
King: What else, JR!? He wants to be WWE Champion! He’s beaten The Rock and Stone Cold Steve Austin before for it, who says he can’t beat Angle too?
JR: You bring up a good point, King. Who knows?
Jericho comes out, looking absolutely disgusted with what's been going on out here. He walks over to Angle and shakes his head at him.
Jericho: Will you all PLEASE, shut the hell up!? You all sound like a bunch of assclowns! If anyone is worthy of being the WWE Champion, it’s me, I beat you, Rocky, and Stone Cold in the same night to become Undisputed Champion, and the only reason I "lost" was because Stephanie McMahon is a god damn snake. I main evented WrestleMania too, something you didn’t get to do, Rock, because everyone knows I’m a bigger star than you.
HBK: That’s fighting words, Rocky-boy. How do you react?
JR: Good lord, Shawn’s antagonizing everyone!
The Rock: You two want to step in the ring with The Great One? So be it, I’ll shove my boot up both of your asses.
Jericho: Brave words for a stupid idiot. When I get done kicking yours and Gold Medal Masturbator over there’s asses, hopefully everyone will finally see that I’m most definitely deserving of the WWE Championship.
HBK: If you say so, Jericho.
Jericho: I wouldn’t talk if I were you, Heartbreak Kid. You’re just here because Shane knows we’d all kick his ass.
HBK: So you’re saying you won’t be able to beat little ol’ me if we fight?
Jericho: W-wait- Shut up, you assclown!
Angle: What am I, chopped liver?!
The Rock, HBK, and Jericho: Yes!
Angle: O-oh. B-but-
JR: DDP!? How many people are gonna come out here?!
DDP comes out with a big grin on his face and mic in hand. He walks over to Angle and pats his back, putting an arm around his shoulder.
DDP: Look, Angle, being chopped liver is not a bad thing. It’s a good thing! First of all, you taste great, and second of all, you don’t have to be bothered by anyone! You’re a Gold Medalist, after all, and what else matters?
Angle: But… the WWE Championship-
DDP: You don’t need that! You’re already a winner in everyone’s eyes!
Angle: Y-you really mean that, Dallas?
HBK: No, he doesn’t, Angle. He just doesn’t want you competing for the WWE Championship.
DDP: Now, now, Shawn, why would I… D… D… P… ever lie to someone?!
Angle: He does have a point, Shawn.
HBK: There’s your “Gold Medalist” everyone.
Jericho: DDP, what are you even doing here? I thought for sure you would have gone to WCW.
Shane McMahon interjects and looks a bit surprised.
Shane: D-Did you not pay attention to the draft after you were picked, Jericho?
There's an awkward silence in the air as Jericho shifts a look at everyone around him.
Jericho: Of course I did… I knew you picked him-
The Rock: Let me guess, Dallas, you want to be the WWE Champion.
DDP: What? Me, D… D… P? No- I’m just a motivational speaker!
HBK: I didn’t know RAW needed one of those; back when I was wrestling we had dr-
JR: Well, people want the WWE Championship, and I can understand why. I never expected Eddie Guerrero to come back into the fold, though!
Eddie Guerrero makes his return to the WWE to a standing ovation, he gives a big cheesy smirk and struts down to the ring, standing before The Rock.
Eddie: Orale! Holmes, you all bicker like a bunch of chihuahuas, mang! I’m no Chihuahua, I’m a pitbull and if you all wanna step up, I’ll put you all down to size, chicos.
HBK: It’s the Mexican Jumping Bean, everyone!
Eddie: Real funny, Kid mang. I’m so scared- You’re about as intimidating as Mr. Broken Fricken’ Neck over there, holmes.
Angle: See, he puts the “frick” in there! Also I’ll snap you in half, Eddie, you wanna go? I’ll show you intimidating.
Eddie: Woah, don’t blow a gasket, chico. You might hurt your neck again. Now then, I’ve dreamed of getting my little hands on that WWE Championship. Orale guey, if you don’t make me WWE Champion, I’ll have to take it by force.
The Rock: You’ll get that championship over The Rock’s dead body.
Eddie commits to faux retreat, acting "scared".
Eddie: Woah, holmes, I guess I better back off.
King: Look, it’s Mr. Perfect! I guess he’s looking to become the “perfect” WWE Champion!
JR: Well it’s certainly not surprising, Mr. Perfect is a former Intercontinental Champion with nearly 20 years of experience.
Mr. Perfect stands up at the entrance way, and after a few moments of looking out at the crowd, spits and hits the gum he had in his mouth out (perfectly, of course).
Mr. Perfect: If anyone is gonna take the WWE Championship home with them, it’s gonna be me. Who else is more deserving than me?
HBK: Everyone else here, Curt.
Perfect: Shawn, Shawn, Shawn. Remember who named you “The Heartbreak Kid”.
HBK: Well… well, that was you!
Perfect: I made you, Shawn. Perfectly, I might add, and I made people’s careers. Yours, Bret Hart’s-
The crowd cheers raucously and on cue starts to chant “You Screwed Bret” at Shawn Michaels. Shawn just rolls his eyes and lets the fans have their fun.
Perfect: ...and I made Scott Hall who he was. These other guys? Only one man’s beaten me. DDP, I know you know. But I won’t let you beat me again.
DDP: Curt, baby, losing to me isn’t a bad thing-
Jericho: Jesus Christ, this guy’s a broken record-
Perfect: Funny you mention that, Jericho. You can thank me for you not having a broken neck like Kurt over there-
Angle: I won a Gold Medal with one! You forgot the “frick” too!
Everyone But Angle: Shut up!
Angle: You know what? No, I won’t shut-
JR: Well I guess he’s gonna have to, because here comes Goldust!
King: I didn’t realize they still allowed freaks in the WWE!
JR: Trust me when I say, King, Goldust may be bizarre, but he’s a wily veteran of many years.
Goldust comes past, Perfect and over to where DDP and Angle are standing.
Goldust: Ooooh, Angle, you’re so tense. What you need to do is relax, take some… deep breaths.
Angle: What.
Goldust: Here, I’ll show you. You breathe in… then you breath out.
Goldust does his usual pose as he talks, and DDP nods in approval.
Angle: Don’t do that again-
Goldust: Do what?
HBK: Stop being a freak, Goldust.
Goldust: A freak? No, just… bizarre.
Shawn: Alright, I’ll bite. Why are you here?
Goldust: Well, I am a man of… gold… who better to wear the gold, than Gol… dust…
JR: Oh man. I somehow knew he was gonna show up. Ric Flair has a lot of tension with Shane McMahon, as Flair should have been the RAW General Manager.
King: I bet he's here to stick it to Shane.
JR: Who knows, King. One thing is for certain, the air has gotten heavy, the tension has risen and now Flair and Shane are staring each other in the eye!
Flair walks down the aisle, and brushes up roughly against Goldust, staring him down before getting in the ring and turning his attention to Shane McMahon. He's not styling or profiling. The tension is palpable as Shane and Flair lock eyes.
Flair: …
Shane: Now, Ric, I understand there's a lot of tension between us, but you lost fair and square. You don't have any power here.
Flair: It's a disgrace is what this is.
Shane: Excuse me?
Flair: You thought I would just lie down and die, did you? After losing at WrestleMania, I'd just flop like I do and stay down? You know me better than that, Shane.
Shane: Oh great...
Flair: These seven guys? They're great names. They're some of the best of the best. But. None of them are… "The Man."
HBK: Flair, with all due respect-
Flair: I wasn't finished, Shawn. You look at The Rock, he's the "People's Champion"-
DDP: Hold up, Ric. I know he says a lot about being such and such, but he ain't nothing but a corporate milktank.
Rock: You want to step inside the ring and say that?
DDP: Careful, Rocky. You might feel the bang before you even know what's going on.
Ric: -but The Rock is not "The Man". DDP- You never had a chance against "The Man". Then we have Chris Jericho and Eddie Guerrero…
Jericho: Old man, cram it. You know better than anyone else Eddie and I were held down from reaching our potential in that shithole, WCW. Speaking of, it's nice to know "The Whore" is running it.
Eddie: Holmes, Flair, mang, it's true you beat me on many occasions, but I was naive then, chico. I'm not now.
Flair: Then prove it, you two. Until then, you are nothing. Of course, Kurt Angle is here.
Angle: Finally, some acknowledgement!
Flair: You may be an Olympic Gold Medalist, but one thing you will never be is "The Man".
Angle: Aww, c'mon, man. Give me a chance, at least.
Flair: Of course there's Curt Hennig himself. A man I think of as a brother and a friend. I respect you, brother. You're one of the greatest technical wrestlers in the business today. But ten years is a long time since we were friends, brother. You will not beat “The Man” again, Curt.
Perfect: Hm. We’ll just see about that, Ric. I drove you out of the WWE once, I can do it again.
JR: Mr. Perfect of course talking about that legendary “Loser Leaves Town” match on the third ever episode of Monday Night Raw, of course.
Flair: Bold words, old friend. But I’m not here for any of you. No… I’m here for… “That”.
Ric Flair points to Goldust who looks a bit surprised.
Flair: Look at you. What the hell are you. You look like a joke. You are a joke. I remember Dustin Rhodes. He was a great wrestler. He was the son of my biggest rival ever. He was a man who could whoop ass. Goldust can’t even whoop a rookie’s ass. I hate you for what you are, and I’m here to make your life a living hell until I get Dustin back.
Goldust: Hmn. Is that so? I don’t know who this “Dustin” is, man, but I wish you luck in finding him.
Flair: Exactly what I’m talking about. You forget who you are. As long as you wear that shit on you, you’re never going to be a champion. I have a better chance of becoming WWE Champion than you… speaking of… Shawn.
HBK: Hm? Oh right! I think we can finally announce our plans for the WWE Championship.
Shane: By all means, Shawn, go ahead!
HBK: Well you got it, boss. You eight gentlemen are lucky, because you all get an opportunity to challenge for the WWE Championship. Tonight, you all will face off in one-on-one matches, with the winners moving on to a Fatal Four Way at RAW’s upcoming Pay-Per-View… BACKLASH!!!
JR: What a huge opportunity for these eight superstars of RAW!
King: What a great decision, I don’t know who to choose from, but I think it’ll be Kurt Angle that pulls out the win!
The crowd applauses the decision of HBK and company.
HBK: That’s not all, though. The losers, worry not. Next week, four of you will get another opportunity. The winner of next week’s Fatal Four Way will get to contend for the Intercontinental Championship at Backlash!
JR: Shawn Michaels holding true to the sentiment that he’s a fair-minded man, but I have a feeling that Intercontinental Champion William Regal is less than pleased at the news.
King: Rightfully so, JR! You just don’t plop something like that down on the champion!
JR: Well, the champion always has to be prepared for situations like this!
King: It’s not fair, JR!
HBK: So let’s get the matches started right away! Let’s start tonight off on the right foot, with Mr. Perfect facing off against… Diamond Dallas Page!!!
JR: A stellar bout between two legends of the squared circle! Let’s get it on!
King: Here we go, JR! Mr. Perfect and DDP, what a match!
JR: We’ll be back right after this commercial break!
~~~~
Mr. Perfect vs. DDP
The match begins with Perfect taking control and dominating DDP with wrist-locks and technical prowess. DDP attempts to mount a comeback but is continually cut-off.
Curt becomes overconfident and continually toys with DDP, and as soon as he tries to put him away, DDP pushes Curt headfirst into the turnbuckle, busting him open and finally gaining the upper hand.
Hennig is overtaken by DDP and in one last gasp of technical prowess, almost hits the Perfect-Plex, but gets countered into the Diamond Cutter for the 1-2-3 victory.
Jericho takes control in the early-going, outmaneuvering Goldust on every level and starts toying with him. Overconfident to the umpth degree. However his overconfidence would be his undoing as an attempted Lionsault was missed after Goldust got out of the way in time.
Goldust starts mounting a comeback after Jericho’s botched maneuver. He runs through his signature move set before finishing up with everyone’s favorite Shattered Dreams kick to the groin (while the ref is distracted, of course).
Goldust looks to have the match in hand when Ric Flair comes from the back and starts jaw-jacking with Goldust and the referee, allowing enough of a distraction for Jericho to hit a low blow on Goldust (returning the favor) and lock in the Walls of Jericho, forcing Goldust to submit; Flair celebrates to himself outside the ring and heads to the back, feeling accomplished.
Flair and Angle start off in a technical standoff, both men not backing down one step, Flair using his veteran wiles to get the better of Angle.
Angle hits a surprise Angle-Slam, but Flair just barely kicks out in time. Frustrated, Angle attempts a moonsault, only for Flair to move out of the way in the nick of time. Angle is knocked out momentarily.
Flair is about to lock in the Figure Four, but Angle smartly counters into his signature Angle-Lock and forces Flair to tap out from pain.
The start of the match sees Regal stall for as much time as possible, much to the chagrin of Bam Bam Bigelow, the fans, and the ref himself. When they finally get around to it, Bam Bam is strongly overpowering Regal in every way, using brutal throws and hoss punches to put down Regal.
Regal, however the veteran, uses a variety of dirty maneuvers to try and get ahead of Bam Bam. However, Bam Bam continues to beat down Regal time and time again.
It looks like Bigelow has the match won, but out of nowhere comes Dave Taylor, who blatantly attacks Bam Bam and forces a DQ as Regal finally recovers and both he and Taylor put the boots to Bam Bam.
It’s a back and forth affair between these two incredibly popular superstars. Eddie Guerrero uses most of his cruiserweight abilities to outmaneuver The Rock, but Rocky comes back with massive grapples and tough strikes on Eddie.
The Rock manages to get some leverage in and starts running through his signature moves. As he prepares the Rock Bottom, Guerrero manages to escape and push him right into the ref. With the ref down, Guerrero takes advantage and pokes the eyes of The Rock, and slams him down to the mat. He takes the initiative and hits the Frog Splash on Rocky.
Wanting to make sure he has this match absolutely won, he waves to the back, and out comes Chavo Guerrero, Eddie’s nephew. He runs into the ring with a steel chair, as Eddie props Rocky up to take the shot. Chavo swings, and misses! The Rock moved out of the way and pushed Eddie into the trajectory of the chair, knocking him straight out cold. Chavo freaks out and in his state of panic walks right into a SPINEBUSTER FROM THE ROCK!!! THE HAS IT SET UP AND HE HITS THE PEOPLE’S ELBOW!!! He picks up Chavo and starts pummeling him, before throwing him out of the ring and jaw jacks with him. While he’s distracted, Eddie comes to and attempts to take advantage of the situation, pulling Rocky towards him… AND GETS HIT WITH A ROCK BOTTOM FOR HIS TROUBLE!!! EDDIE IS OUT! The ref is finally back to consciousness and gets back up. The Rock goes for the pin and gets the 1-2-3.
