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As the familiar sound of glass shattering emits from the speakers of the PA system, the arena literally shakes from the reception of the crowd, a sea of fans that are cheering their hearts out for the Texas Rattlesnake. As this goes on, Stone Cold himself storms out from behind the curtain and begins to make his way down the ramp towards the ring.
Austin ascends the steps in a quick manner and walks along the apron, stepping through the ropes to enter the ring. He walks over to the other side of the ring and motions to the ringside official that he wants a microphone, and is then granted one. Austin turns around and walks to the center of the ring as his music fades out and he raises the microphone.
Stone Cold: Lemme tell ya a story about a man named Stone Cold Steve Austin. December eighteenth, nineteen sixty-four I was born into this world in Victoria, Texas which makes me forty-seven years old. Now that's not what I would call old for a human bein', but it is old for an athlete, especially an athlete that does what I do. And what I do, in case yer out of the loop, is wrestle professionally, been doin' it for twenty-three years now.
In that twenty-three year span, I've done just about everything there is ta' do. I've worked or appeared for nearly every wrestling promotion that's come along, making more money than I know what ta' do with and stepping into the ring with just about anyone you can think of. As I've sat here and looked back at all those facts, reminiscing on all of my accomplishments, I realize that at forty-seven years old, after twenty-three years in the wrestling business, there isn't much left to accomplish.
As I noted before, I have faced just about anyone you can think of. Cody Rhodes. (What?) Raven. (What?) C.M. Punk. (What?) Randy Orton. (What?) Kane. (What?) John Cena. (What?) Alberto Del Rio. (What?) John Morrison. (What?) Big Show. (What?) Batista. (What?) Dolph Ziggler. (What?) Brian Pillman. (What?) Undertaker. (What?) The Dudley Boyz. (What?) AJ Styles. (What?) Sheamus. (What?) Abyss. (What?) Desmond Wolfe. (What?) Shark Boy. (What?) Kurt Angle. (What?) Muhammad Hassan. (What?) Mr. Perfect. (What?) Mr. Anderson. (What?) James Storm. (What?) Triple H. (What?) Shawn Michaels. (What?) Evan Bourne. (What?) D'Angelo Dinero. (What?) Christian. (What?) ICP. (What?) Chris Jericho. (What?) Jeff Hardy. (What?) JTG. (What?) Homicide. (What?) Santino Marella. (What?) Sting. (What?) Edge. (What?) Bobby Roode. (What?) Al Snow. (What?) Perry Saturn. (What?) Drew McIntyre. (What?) Ted DiBiase Jr. (What?) Lance Storm. (What?) DH Smith. (What?) Rhino. (What?) The Rock. (What?) And that was all in You See Dubya and You Dubya Eff so truly, the list goes on and on.
Now there's a lot of men Stone Cold hasn't faced, in fact that list's probably as big as the list containing the men I have. But that doesn't matter, because as long as that list is, only one name stands out ta' me as a match that has ta' happen. And when I sat down and looked at that name, the gears upstairs started turnin' and Stone Cold got ta' thinkin', how can I make this match happen? Well it just so happens someone had an idea ta' have a reunion show of sorts, a wrestling card that would take superstars that've never faced off and pit them against each other for the world ta' see.
Stone Cold knew he had ta' become part of the event somehow, so he gave the man behind it a call. (What?) I said he gave him a call. (What?) I said Stone Cold put his beer down. (What?) He picked the phone up. (What?) Dialed the number that was available. (What?) Listened to the phone ring. (What?) It rang again. (What?) It rang again. (What?)Then finally someone answered. (What?) They said, hello? (What?) And I said this is Stone Cold Steve Austin. (What?) They said, why ya callin'? (What?) I told 'em I saw their little poster and wanted ta' get in on this Showdown of Dreams. (What?) They said okay, and asked me who I wanted ta' face. (What?)I told 'em the name on the list, and they agreed ta' make the match happen. Wanna know why?(What?) I said do ya wanna know why?
They did it because Stone Cold said so! Not only that, but apparently the man Stone Cold's been lookin' ta' have a match with has also been lookin' ta' have a match with Stone Cold. So now that it's all booked and official, Stone Cold's gonna tell ya who it is he's goin' up against. On Sunday, June the third in a two out of three falls match, it's gonna be the "Texas Rattlesnake" Stone Cold Steve Austin takin' on the self-proclaimed "Wrestling God" Jay Bee Ell!
The fans give a mixed reaction, as many of them are not fond of JBL.
Now I know some of you smartasses are askin' yerselves why anyone would wanna see this match, I'm just a broken down drunk son of a bitch with a bum neck and ruined knees and Bradshaw's just a washed up golf playin' son of a bitch with a bad back that doesn't even wrestle anymore. Well yer half right, Bradshaw is a washed up golf playin' son of a bitch with a bad back that doesn't wrestle anymore, that's not up for debate. But Stone Cold's neck, it hasn't caused me any pain or discomfort and years. And my knees, well, they certainly aren't what they used ta' be, but if you'd turn on You Dubya Eff every once and a while, you'd know that hasn't cost me a solitary step!
The crowd cheers in excitement and in support of Stone Cold, some of them beginning an "Austin!" chant.
The rest of ya are aren't askin' who wants ta' see the match, instead yer wondrin' why I chose John over anyone else I could've picked. Well, the reasoning is quite simple. As far as I'm concerned, there's only enough room for one loud mouthed Texan in this business, and I'm done sittin' idly by and allowing there ta' be two. Admittedly I'm a little disappointed I can't have Bradshaw, the beer drinkin' Hardcore brawlin' redneck ass kickin' Acolyte, that'd be a hell of a brawl. But on the other hand, when he's bein' Jay Bee Ell, he represents things that make me sick instead of things that make me happy, and that's a more satisfyin' taste ta' slap out of someone's mouth than somethin' that reminds me a' me.
Besides, if he was still an Acolyte, he'd probly try ta' hide behind someone in The Ministry or Ron Simmons. The only thing you can slink behind now son is yer goofy little limousine, and all I gotta do is repo that piece of shit. Then whaddya got? A few piles a' cash? A cigar? Ya little cowboy hat and suit? You make me sick with all that trash, thinkin' yer better than folks that act like you used ta', like yer better than the place ya came from. Well lemme tell ya somethin' son, you aren't better than anywhere that ya came from. But it's not just the way ya dress, it's the way ya act too, the things that come out of yer mouth when ya talk.
I mean, referring to yerself as a, "Wrestling God" is probably the most arrogant thing I've ever heard someone say. Answer me this kid, how's it feel knowin' Ric Flair hijacked that schtick and took it ta' Tee In Aye with him? This is a war you an' I are fixin' ta' have, John, and that's why the stipulation is what it is. One fall simply won't do our unresolved issues justice. In one month's time, we are going to beat the hell out of each other. We will blow not only the roof off of Madison Square Garden, but the entire structure is gonna come apart. And when that happens, just like the Beer Drinking Contest, and just like the Raw before Wrestlemania 27, I'm gonna put you down with a Stunner before I pin your ass!
And if you've got any thoughts of getting up after that, I will gladly Stunner you again and pin you for the second time, winning the match and proving not only am I the Toughest S.O.B. to ever do this, but that I am forever superior to you and the greatest Texan that ever lived. And THAT'S the bottom line...
Before Stone Cold can finish his trademark line, he is cut off by the opening sounds of JBL's entrance theme as the crowd erupts into boos.
As JBLs theme continues to play there seems to be a moment of pause as the whole crowd including Austin are looking at the entrance way for a sign of JBL, the music dies down and there is no sign of him when over the P.A a voice is heard*
Hey Austin, up here.
*The titantron lights up this time with a feed from backstage as JBL is looking straight into the camera, the crowd boos seeing JBL*
John Bradshaw Layfield:
I'm Sorry to interrupt, but I think I speak for everyone when I say I've grown tired of that little catchphrase of yours.
*The crowd boos in disagreement as JBL gives a smug look to the camera before continuing*
I'd also like to apologize for not being able to go to the ring personally right now, as you see before I got the call to appear for this show I was still being successful in business having my own company, so while I'm just getting here I am still finalizing the terms of my contract for Showcase of Dreams as I need to make sure someone of my caliber is treated right and lets face it there is no hurry for me to waste my time being in the same ring with such a lesser talent. Simply because out of all the people appearing on the show... I am the biggest star of them all, if you don't believe that just look at my shoulder, as you can clearly see that is the UCW Championship. The UCW Championship I won by defeating the Entire Raw Roster in one night, the UCW Championship I never lost. See Austin people like you, like Rock, and even Dinero you all hide your time. The difference is I was the Last UCW Champion, that means unlike all of you I am undoubtedly the greatest Champion there ever was because no one could compete with me. And I remember this time well because when I was becoming UCW Champion...you were busy contemplating retirement from a bad knee injury you had over on Smackdown. Now you alluded to something earlier, that I wanted this match as well and that is true. But did you ever get around to wondering just why, why did someone like me want to soil my hands with filth like you? I'll tell you why Austin.
*JBL takes the title of his shoulder and holds it up showing it to the camera directly*
This right here, this means I am the best. And yet no matter what, people like Stone Cold Steve Austin always get top billing. I keep my options open and I've gotten phone calls, so I've kept my eye on UWF and I see Stone Cold still one of their top guys. I see listings of the greatest of all time and near the top is Stone Cold Steve Austin while JBLs name is often forgotten, and I am damn sick of people like you ranking higher up the ladder than myself. What have you done recently Austin? UCW TNA heavyweight champion? that's starting at sea level and reaching the level of dirt and think your actually something. I was the man who Created ETW, if it weren't for me it wouldn't have lasted another week I was the first ETW Champion and then I took the scum of ETW, Heat and I became the Global Champion and made it the must see brand. And guess what, I left and what happened? ETW Died. and then I came to UCW I became UCW Champion and I never lost it, that is the difference between people like me and people like you. I make things better, and bring back prestige to the leather strap the UCW Championship had become and made it into something again, and yet you people you hate me. Because I am exactly what I say I am, because you people you think yourselves better you think yourself good people but then you see a True AMERICAN Hero like me and you realize your nothing more a lazy good for nothing disgraces to this country. I make you look at yourselves and you hate what you see so you take it out on me, but I accept that because I don't let you people get to me. My life is Success, I breath it, my blood flows with it, I am the epitome of Success. But you people you cheer That man in the ring, you cheer that man because he's like you. Because he drinks beer, he likes to hunt, he says what he wants and flips off whoever disagree and you love that...
*JBL take off his hat*
You cheer the common because that is what you know, And you soil my good name by tossing it aside. I've accomplished more than anyone else on this show, who have had their runs only in a single company, and yet on the posters you see The Rock and Dinero. two men who don't even belong in the same sentence with JBL and yet they are the main event, and Austin this is just you coming in from UWF to give the card some more star power. The Reason I want to face you Austin is because this isn't some fun show, this isn't a little treat for those ignorant fans I couldn't give a damn about, This is about JBL cementing his name in this industry. This is to show everyone just who the hell JBL is, a man who like you came out of Texas but unlike you became good enough to move out of that hell hole and go to the greatest city in the world...New York City. Isn't it ironic, the place I won this championship, the place I came to after leaving Texas, is the place I show where Stone Cold Steve Austin really ranks against JBL.
*JBL takes a breath and puts his hate back one calming down*
I traded Beer for Champagne, poker cards for cold hard cash, Texas for New York, and "having Fun" for being the best. I get my haircut with Mr. McMahon you shave it when you wake up in the morning, I buy my suits from the most expensive and fine tailors in this country you probably go down to Wal-Mart and buy some jeans before you call up UWF and tell them to send over some more of your shirts. I am High class and you are just white trash and it is high time people realize that it all doesn't end there, because in this ring you may raise hell but boy I smell like smoke because I've been through fire. From the Stings, and Goldbergs, to the Big Shows and Undertakers, to the John Cenas to the Rey Mysterios, the list goes on and on I Have beaten them all I was the face of ETW and I was the face of UCW the last thing you saw on UCW Television was this image...put it up
*The tron goes to a picture of UCW No Mercy*
What was the last thing we saw Stone Cold do? oh that's right you were in UWF, losing a tournament to some punk kid who ended up losing at the end. I wanted this match because I was tired of people overlooking my accomplishments, I am THE star of this "showcase of dreams" and yet I'm playing second fiddle to Stone Cold Steve Austin, The Rock and some punk who calls himself The Pope. But after our match, they are going to see the truth. That their little heroes are nothing compared to a true hero, and when you are in the middle of this ring beaten not once but twice you will have no other alternative than to admit what everyone deep down already knows to be true. That John Bradshaw Layfield, no matter how much you hate him, no matter how much you wish you could deny it, Is and forever will be A WRESTLINGA...
*JBL pauses looking up as the crowd boos heavily in the arena, he slowly moves his head back down looking right into the camera*
...God
*JBL gets a smirk on his face as the feed goes to black*
The crowd is still booing JBL as the camera pans back to Austin standing in the ring, holding his microphone at his side, as he shakes his head in disappointment before raising his microphone back to his mouth to give his rebuttal.
Stone Cold: Look everyone, it's Jay Bee Ell, live and in...well he's not here in person quite yet, but as you heard he has his reasons for that. Listen here ya coif-haired, primp-suited, slick-talkin', stupid son of a bitch, you might have some people buyin' that ya just got here or that yer in the midst of contract negotiations, but Stone Cold's not one of 'em. Ya see, I know the truth, John, I know the real reason yer still occupyin' the dressing rooms instead of this ring. Not because yer yella' necessarily, although me standin' out here in front of thousands speaking my mind fearlessly while you not only choose not to direct my comments in person but rather outright refuse to address them at all isn't exactly helping yer case in that department.
No, it's not that at all. Like I said, I know the real reason, and while it's fairer that I allow it ta' be yer place ta' tell these people, we both know yer not gonna do that, so instead good ol' Stone Cold's gonna tell 'em. As you and I both addressed, you used ta' be a lot like Stone Cold early in yer career (What?) Ya drank beer. (What?) Ya raised hell. (What?) Started fights. (What?) Defied authority. (What?) Drank more beer. (What?) Whooped some ass hardcore style. (What?) Played poker. (What?) Whooped even more ass. (What?) And ya did it all cuz it made ya happy. Unfortunately, when you have a soup-er-star that has such a passion for these business, they have something else connected to this business they're just as passionate about.
For some it's the alcohol bottle, that's why I drink out of cans by the way, but I digress. For some it's the pill bottle, others it's the sirenge, be it steroids or other substances. For other guys, it's sex, for some it's marijuana. Then there's those that can be filed under all those categories, but not you John, your vice with different. You were in this profession because ya loved it, because it made ya happy, but you also loved money. At first it was just a traditional love of it, loving the ability to buy what you wanted, loving being able to provide for yourself, and then greed set in. And over time, that love mutated, and that greed grew, until things finally came to a head and you self-destructed under the weight of your own selfish desires and aspirations. You knew you weren't going any higher on the card than you already were, and you couldn't take it, but instead of doing it in a way that stayed true to yerself, you sold out.
You lost the long hair and changed the color of it, went clean shaven, traded in yer t-shirts for business suits, yer pick-up truck for a limb-uh-zeen, put the beers down, broke up the APA, and went out on yer own. THAT is why you aren't out here, Bradshaw, because just like yer hunger for power eventually turned you into something yer not, tonight the shame from all of it has finally caught up ta' you. Ever since the first time you came out to those New York Stock Exchange sounds, you've been sick in the pit of yer stomach, hating yourself because you couldn't reach what you were then achieving on your own merit, you couldn't do it by being yourself. You were just a character, another face in a crowd of backstage politicians.
All the cockiness, the bravado, the pompous ego stroking, it's all been a front. You want the world to think everything's fine even though yer decaying to nothin' on the inside. You'd rather have these people hate you because they think yer arrogant rather than hate you because you're a fraud that sold his Texas soul to the devil. If there's one thing Stone Cold can see through it's bullshit, and you've been doin' it for years. The sad thing is, you'll never admit it. Even though I know it to be true and I can see it in yer beady little eyes, you'll never confess to it. You've been living the lie so long you believe it to be true, which is why this battle isn't about crowning the better Texan in your eyes, instead you see it as New York versus Texas. The rich versus the poor, the high class versus the white trash.
Because you'll never admit that I'm on to something, you'll never let the true driving force behind you wanting this match out of the bag. The main reason you want this match is so you can silence me. As much as you wanted this to one day happen, you hoped it never did just as much, because you knew once it did I would call you out on everything and bring your wall of lies crashing down. Well now we're going to fight, and here I am exposing the truth, just as we both knew I would, just as fate intended and destiny requires. So now you have two choices, you can admit that you've been wrong and let me face the true Bradshaw, or you can keep doing this schtick and piss me off more than you already have and I can beat your phony ass at Showdown of Dreams more viciously than I intended to.
So right now, I'm gonna have the boys in the production truck fire up yer little entrance theme, except this time it's gonna be the real Bradshaw's theme. We'll see if you've got the balls ta' take me up on my challenge and bring yerself out here. And if that's not enough ta' motivate ya, hell, do some calisthenics, do a lap around the parking garage, drink ya some Mamajuana. Whatever you gotta do, do it, then bring yer ass out here and face me like a man, cuz I'm gettin' tired a' waitin', kid. Go ahead, boys!
Austin watches the titantron screen as the entrance video of Bradshaw begins to roll and his entrance music begins to play, per Stone Cold's request.
*JBLs theme hits, And from behind the curtain JBL emerges with a cold look on his face, he holds the UCW title in his hand as he steps on the stage looking down towards the ring at Austin*
*He begins to walk down the ramp lifting up his microphone in the process*
John Bradshaw Layfield:
Oh what a tangled web we weave, When first we practice to deceive. Simpletons like yourself may not fully grasp what that means, however I do not intend to waste my time trying to teach you all something new when it will go through one ear and out the other, all I've got to say to Mr. Austin is that I almost feel sorry for you. For in you great epiphany of my situation you've actually been staring into a mirror, which is exactly what I do. I hold up a mirror to these people, and when they don't like what they see they get angry, but let’s talk about what you saw. You saw someone who wasn't themselves, someone who was lying to the world, Ego, Bravado, just another character. Look at Me Austin, when I came into the wrestling world I changed my look I changed my attitude. All because I thought it was more important to have a good time, to drink beer like you, to play cards with Ron, to visit our troops. Do you know what that got me Austin? it got me nothing, that was what you think I am now, just another character. The man you see before you is the Real John Bradshaw Layfield, These suits were not provided by the sponsors of Showcase for Dreams, the company I have isn't like some J-Tex Corporation Gimmick it is a real company, the millions I've earned are not some storyline it is real cold hard cash. I am John Bradshaw Layfield, what I do I do very very well. But look at you Austin.
*JBL steps up the steel steps and climbs into the ring before continuing*
How many times a week you have to shave that head of the blonde hair growing out to make sure you keep that bald look? How many shirts has the company you work for at any given time given you the shirt on sale for you so you can wear it? Better yet let’s look at something a little more subtle, you used to be known as the ringmaster you could wrestle I mean really wrestle and then what? Then you traded gutwrench suplexes for punches, Boston crabs for Stomps, Technical prowess for brawling. You called me just another character while you are the biggest lie of them all, now don’t get me wrong you truly are white trash that isn’t fit to even be in my presence but because you’ve made something of it. These people they all like you because they can relate to you, but how much true relation is there? How many of you sheep have sold over millions in merchandise? How many of you people have water bottles, t-shirts, hats, vest, mask costumes, bobble heads all with your face on them? Hell you even have a championship belt sold with your logo on it, you are the Mickey Mouse of the wrestling business. Because just like that round head and round ears, you can see the smoking skull on anything with a price tag on it. Everything you said about me, was only partly grounded in fact, like saying I did all those things to make myself happy. Fact is I did all that to make these people happy, I pandered to the masses and yet I got nothing in return so I changed. Instead of pandering I did the same thing I did to become a self-made millionaire, I became ruthless and took down anyone who stood in my way and I became not only the longest reigning champion in Smackdown Television History I became the first ETW Champion, ETW Global Champion, and the final UCW Champion in history.
*JBL looks up towards the lights remembering his crowning achievements before looking back down at Austin*
And as far as me wanting this match to silence you, that is partly correct as well. Because I don’t want to silence you because you’ve somehow learned the shocking truth about me Jesse Ventura, No I want to silence you because You have never been worthy to talk the game you talk. You are synonymous with this business which means you represent this industry to the outside world, And what is it that the world sees. A bald headed, jean short wearing, middle finger raising, beer drinking, trailer park trash loud mouth, You are in a spot I deserve and that I why I want this match. To take you off your pedestal, To show the McMahons who have always listed you as the best, to show the crowds who’ve followed to through whatever you’ve been through and whatever you’ve said about them. To show everyone what the Great Stone Cold Steve Austin is really made of, because for all the hype that surrounds you. You are just a Rattlesnake, 98 percent of the world see one they cower they jump, they turn and they run away from the big bad snake making so much noise. But people like me, we know why you make so much noise. Because you’re scared, we catch rattlesnakes take the venom all out and make you into a pair of boots.
*As JBL talks he notices Austin somewhat step back as if he’s stopped listening*
Hey! Do you know what your problem is? You don’t listen, rules, authority, what have you, you think your above that because hell what guy in a suit can’t you take in a fight. Everyone loved you for doing what you did to Mr. McMahon, but at the end of the day I always saw it for what it truly was. You were a bully, and older man who isn’t a wrestler and has gotten enough money to never ever had to get his hands dirty for the rest of his life and you bullied him. You slapped him around you assaulted him, these people they loved that but I…I don’t like bullies. I am going to put you in your place, and your place is below me in the food chain. So that after the Showcase of Dreams, Everyone will realize that there is a reason the Stone Colds of this world work for the JBLs of the world. And when I’ve opened all those eyes by closing yours, you all will be able to say JBL truly is what he says he is. So Save your ticket stubs, mark the date on your calendar, for I shall forever change the perspective to what it always should have been. Showcase of Dreams just like this industry has it’s share of Legends, hall of famers, and greats but there is and forever will be one and ONLY One Wrestling God. And that Austin, is the Bottom line.
*JBL gets a smirk on his face as he flips the championship over his shoulder looking at Austin*
As JBL smirks and pats the championship belt over his shoulder, Austin looks at him calmly and asks one question.
Stone Cold: Want a beer?
The crowd, despite their intense dislike of JBL, cheers the fact that Austin asked him that question. Bradshaw, however, is angered by this as he audibly asks, "What are you tryna' pull? Do you think I'm stupid?"
Stone Cold: Yer smart not ta' trust me but don't get yer panties in a square knot, I was simply offering you a cold beverage. No alterior motives, no evil intent in my mind, I just figured after all the self-sucking you just did, you might enjoy washing the taste of dick out of your mouth. Not that it's the first time you've ever found it occupying your tastebuds, but that's all beside the point. The point is you and I might be wasting our time with this verbal back and forth. This here event was announced on May the fourth, and it's scheduled ta' happen on June the 3rd. That's a full month for everyone ta' talk as much trash as humanly possible and hype their match to the fullest extent. Well, here we are over three weeks later, with seven days ta' go til' the event, and we've seen very little.
Matt and Jeff Hardy versus The Miz and MVP? Nothing about being stronger than death or being reborn, (What?) or popping someone's head off their shoulders like it was a cork on a champagne bottle via Twist of Fate, (What?) or soaring to heights not taken by the fearful in order to deliver a leg drop from the atmosphere. No speaking to the creatures of the night, (What?) or talking about modesty, (What?) or referring to the numerous tag championships he and his brother have won, (What?) and no warning of the inevitable Swanton. Absolutely zilch about being awesome, (What?) or being the most must-see champion, (What?) or overcoming being labeled as someone that could never achieve his dream because of his days as a reality star. And zero talk of balling, being half-man half amazing, and big things popping as well as lil' things stopping. (What?) Nothing.
Austin Aries versus Wade Barrett versus See Em Punk? Nothing about being the only two-time Are Oh Aitch Champion in history, (What?) or being the "Greatest Man That Ever Lived", (What?) or being a dominant Tee In Aye X-Division Champion. Nothing about being the former leader of both Nexus and The Corre, rendering the Dubya Dubya E helpless. (What?) Also no mention of the straight edge lifestyle, and no pipe bombs. (What?) Once again, nothing. (What?) Kevin Thorn versus Hayabusa? Nothing. (What?) The Hell in a Cell? Only three of 'em seem ta' give a damn.
I've heard the backstage discussions, if there's no interest on the part of the talent involved to make the audience care about their match, then the match will be scrapped from the card altogether. That's all well and good, but yer a businessman John, no one's gonna pay full pay-per-view or ticket price for a two match event, regardless of how high caliber those match-ups are. I feel like we're puttin' work into somethin' that's not gonna have any pay-off, John, and it doesn't make me happy.
In fact it angers me to the point that my desire ta' beat yer ass in this ring is gradually being replaced by a stronger desire ta' beat the asses of these other pieces of trash. I mean, what are they doing that makes them too busy ta' honor their obligations to this thing? Has Matt stumbled upon a can't-ignore idea for his next YouTube video? (What?) Has inspiration struck to the point that Jeff can't pull himself away from his easel? (What?) Maybe MVP's in the recording studio laying down a track that's ironically about why he hasn't shown his face, and with him is The Miz, who can't tear himself away from a mirror. (What?) What about Austin Aries, is he in court with the Muppet Studios in regard to his brutal defamation of Animal to make that coat of his? (What?) Did someone brew Wade Barrett a pot of tea that he can't quit drinking from? (What?) Did C.M. Punk sit down in the pizzeria that named a dish after him with a series of comic books and forget about the event? (What?) Perhaps Kevin Thorn reverted back to his Mordecai gimmick, and refuses to portray the vampire gimmick, while the management behind Showdown of Dreams refuses to let him compete as Mordecai when they've advertised him for a month as appearing as Thorn. (What?) Maybe Cactus Jack's crazy ass saw Hayabusa in a Walgreen's and hit him with a damn tandem bike, deciding it was okay ta' relive their See Dubya Aye rivalry. (What?) Could Big Show be occupied shooting the sequel to Knucklehead? (What?)
As for Desmond Wolfe, I'm convinced that after years of talking about dinosaurs, he went out to the biggest toy store he could find and bought him a bunch, erecting a playset in his house in an area that he couldn't be disturbed while he was playing with them. Feel free ta' formulate your own opinions. Your thoughts, Bradshaw?
Austin lowers his microphone, leaving the floor open for JBL to speak again.
Might be? I am wasting my time, I am the biggest star in this here showcase and I am stuck talking to to some redneck who can't focus on something for more than two minutes before he starts rambling on about other people. What are my thoughts, my thoughts are Good! Great actually, I feel great that those bottom feeders aren't going to be allowed to soil the show I'm on. In fact if it were up to me, The Rock and Pope, for all the hype they ahve as talkers wouldn't be allowed near my show let alone main event it. Which they are not, they might go on last but John Bradshaw Layfield is and will always be The Main Event. And that Bonafide Stunt show called Hell in the Cell has no place in a show made to showcase JBL.
*The crowd boos JBL theory as he goes on*
The fact that four people I don't care about won't show up, the fact that three people I care even less about, and the fact that two people I don't even know aren't showing up to ride the coattails of JBL is a dream come true. Because the people running this show already hooked up the wagon back on JBL, because I'm Pulling the Whole... Damn...Show. And you know Austin I'll go along with you're little deflection tactic, because I am a business man like you said. In being the Longest reigning champion in Smackdown Television history, in being the greatest ETW and ETW Global champion there ever was, and in being the definitive UCW Champion. I've learned that people pay for the main course, everything else is just an appetizer. This show aint about appetizers, this show aint about giving everyone on the roster a fair shot at making a name out of themselves at the expense of the quality of MY show. This show is about The Main Course, and of course the salad before it was just a hunk of lettuce cut at the end, kind of brown, tasteless, and yet still able to make you gag. And the Desert had a lot of talk about it, making you think it was sweet but once you actually bit into it You knew you couldn't take another second of it. And the side was salty, undercooked, and way past it's expiration date, oh but that steak. That main course, it excused every horrible thing you sat through, it was worth every cent spent. JBL is the main course and there was no body waiting in line to pay money to see any of those people anyways, the fans are paying the price of admission Austin, and they are paying it to see their true American! Hero their home town boy, their true Champion compete one more time and put Stone Cold Steve Austin in his place just like Texas is so far below New York, Stone Cold Steve Austin will forever be remembered as the man JBL embarrassed.
*JBL looks down at Austins hand*
And as far as you're offer goes, No thank you. I rarely drink beer now and when I do I get it from Canada to get some really good beer cause you can't get it here, So go ahead and drink up son. pop the steveweisers, pose for your fans, hug unto that UWF title ya picked up and keep doing the song and dance for the sheep. Because no matter how far in your career you go, from here on out every time you lift up that title, every time you raise your middle finger in the air and you talk about being the toughest S.O.B in this industry. All anyone will see you as, is JBLs Lackey. JBL takes his rightful spot on the pedestal, JBL shows everyone that he is truly what he always has said he is. A Wrestling God, not a Snake, not a bull, not a pope, not a wolfe, not a show, not an animal, not an oxymoron like a Mexican Aristocrat, not so called "phenomenal", None of that for I am simply a god amongst men. I don't need a cage to bring any sort of interest in my match, I don't need a whole hell of a lot of hyping on the microphone to get interest in my match, All you need is JBLs Name on the marquee and that venue is sold out. Drink up all the liquid courage you got, becausewhen the lights are on bright, when the stage is set and JBL is in the main event one fact has always ranged true. Whether it be the Debut of Friday nights Main Event on ETW, whether it be another Smackdown in which aside from me no one remembers anything about, whether it be me soiling my hands by pulling out the brand Heat from the gutters and making it into the crown jewel of ETW, Whether it was GUW where I took under my wing Ted DiBiase and Cody Rhodes and now they are prominent stars in UWF one of which has beaten the mighty Stone Cold Steve Austin before, or whether it be UCW. JBL is in the main event, JBL walks into the match, and then JBL wins. That isn't hype, that isn't a prediction, that is a cold hard fact that is a guran-damn-tee that JBL beats Stone Cold 2 falls and forever cements his name in this industry. And that...is All I've got to say about that.
*JBL lowers his mic looking out at the booing crowd.*
