Self-improvement before family

[PaulDB]

If there's one thing I've learned in my life, it's that you've got to make sure that you and your partner are both, and I can't stress the word both enough, settled down and happy with your lot in life.

I'll give you an example: I used to have young neighbours who looked like they were happy together. They had two kids, they seemed to be united, but then, one day, the wife left her husband and children and let me tell you why.

She came from a very poor country, probably landed in Spain with no papers. She met her Future husband and everything appeared to be fine. Now, after living in one region of the country for a while, they moved to another one and there, she met her exboyfriend. They got back together after having a drink together and then she abandoned the family.

Why? One reason could be that she shouldn't have had any children so soon after getting married. She'd just gotten into a relationship with a good man, but then the children came, making my former neighbours invest in them instead of her, which could've prevented her from developing a need for restitution. Before and after the birth of her children, she was getting up at six in the morning to work in a factory, packing meat for the supermarkets. He worked as a foreman, I believe. Now you see, had they worked for a number of years, saved some money, perhaps get a promotion and then have kids, the home might not have been broken. In one possible scenario, her exboyfriend offered her the chance to have a normal nine to five job instead of having to rise so early and accept the minimum wage.

So, without meaning to, the children caused an upset in the life of a woman who really needed to be bettered before she became a mother.

 

[Geese]

Was it was your neighbors and not yourself? Because you're giving in-depth info about this woman: Her job in a factory, working hours, and her ex-boyfriend. The children didn't have anything to do with it. She was having constant squabbles with her husband, separated from him so she could re-connect with her long lost flame.

 

[PaulDB]

Was it was your neighbors and not yourself? Because you're giving in-depth info about this woman: Her job in a factory, working hours, and her ex-boyfriend. The children didn't have anything to do with it. She was having constant squabbles with her husband, separated from him so she could re-connect with her long lost flame.

I never heard any arguments between them and neither did my mother. We were living in a flat that didn't have very thick walls, so we would've heard them. If there was any tension between them, we never saw it, when we visited from time to time, or met them in the street. All seemed to be well with them.

 

[Cam!]

I've heard a number of different sayings that refer to this general concept. You need to have yourself "in order" before you can be "in order" with anyone else. You have to have the confidence and self-esteem with yourself. You see far too many individuals that are insecure about themselves and are seeking the approval of others (like their significant other) to find satisfaction in life. You can't be in a healthy relationship with someone else if you aren't healthy within your own head.

 

[Vampire Quinn]

I've heard a number of different sayings that refer to this general concept. You need to have yourself "in order" before you can be "in order" with anyone else. You have to have the confidence and self-esteem with yourself. You see far too many individuals that are insecure about themselves and are seeking the approval of others (like their significant other) to find satisfaction in life. You can't be in a healthy relationship with someone else if you aren't healthy within your own head.

I USED to be insecure badly when O was in Highschool. But with all the weight and such that I've lost, I have much more confidence in myself and others around me. You also gotta learn to love yourself and then learn to love others. Get to know yourself and the things you enjoy. Your standards...etc. You will know when the time is right to have a significant other in one's life. Yes, Being married and hving kids in your 20's IS abit early yet to settle down. Young ppl like that Hvnt even had a chance to explore the world yet. Some times it's best to wait when your more of a mature stature before thinking about settling down. No need to rush into things. That way you hv some years of knowledge built up etc.... A Good steady Job that you know will help Support having a family. Etc..

 

[Roadster]

I think it goes without saying that someone needs to be mature enough to understand the commitment of children before having children.

However, I think you're placing a lot of weight on socio-economic factors, as if having it easier with a well-to-do significant other would prevent someone from abandoning their family. While it is true that well-off families are, statistically, less likely to have a parent leave, it doesn't mean that the person shouldn't be blamed for being incredibly reckless with their children's lives.

It's a psychological anomaly to abandon your children, humans (like almost every other creature) has an innate instinct to care for and be with their offspring. Someone that is willing to do away with their children because of economic reasons, beyond adoption or finding a suitable household, is someone who is probably incapable of having the mental maturity to have kids, in the first place.

 

[PaulDB]

I think it goes without saying that someone needs to be mature enough to understand the commitment of children before having children.

However, I think you're placing a lot of weight on socio-economic factors, as if having it easier with a well-to-do significant other would prevent someone from abandoning their family. While it is true that well-off families are, statistically, less likely to have a parent leave, it doesn't mean that the person shouldn't be blamed for being incredibly reckless with their children's lives.

It's a psychological anomaly to abandon your children, humans (like almost every other creature) has an innate instinct to care for and be with their offspring. Someone that is willing to do away with their children because of economic reasons, beyond adoption or finding a suitable household, is someone who is probably incapable of having the mental maturity to have kids, in the first place.

I concur. Many parents are older now, but I think that's better. They make the time to tend to their needs and wants first, satisfying themselves first. By then, they are well suited to having children, because their development, or fulfilment as adults, has been attended to.