Santino's Foreign Exchange - Thoughts on Bound For Glory

[Andrew]

The titantron comes to life as we see a picture of Santino and the logo of Foreign Exchange as he walks up to Hornswoggle.

Santino Marella: Hello Hornswoggle, its-a my new tee-vee show and I am-a interviewings you!

Hornswoggle: Uhh... Uhh.... Uhh...

Santino Marella: Its-a ok! You can speakings about this pay-per-viewings! The Bound for Glories! I have-a selectings you to be my first official guest because I cannot finding Mister Roman!

Hornswoggle: Er... Okay. Here... Here!

Hornswoggle pulls out a paper that has the match listings.

Official Card:

UWF Championship Match:
The UWF Champion, Edge versus CM Punk

Hornswoggle: Ehh... Punky not here. Maybe he run off?

Santino Marella: This-a disappointings, I shall-a be fightings Edge. This-a too easy for Edge! He will just doings a spear and Punk's head will become like Al-a Snow's head. Ha-ha!

Hornswoggle: Ha-ha! That's a funny!

Santino Marella: Oh-ho yes! I sayings Edge will be winnings this match so very easily. This-a not a true competition because I have not seeing See-Em Punk around lately, maybe he has been a-secretly hidings in the bar. What if he is not-a straight-edge like he sayings? Oh God!

Hornswoggle: Eh. I like Guiness. Maybe he is getting me my drink.

Santino Marella: I don't think you should be-a drinkings achoo-hols. You should stickings to a Pepsi.

Yoshi Tatsu is then seen walking past, he overhears the conversation.

Yoshi Tatsu: CM Punk? Have you checked the Pepsi machine?

Yoshi Tatsu walks off as Hornswoggle points at the paper indicating we should talk about the next match.

World Heavyweight Championship Match:
The World Heavyweight Champion, Daniel Bryan versus AJ Styles

Hornswoggle: Ooh! Ooh! Goat-face! Goat-face!

Santino Marella: Horns-a-woggle, you shouldn't be a rude about Mister Daniel. He's-a very great wrestler! But uh, we must pickings a wrestler to winnings here. I see you has a coin, you better flippings the coin. If it's-a landings on head then Daniel Bryan is my pickings but if it's-a tail then it's-a AJ Stylings.

Hornswoggle flips the coin.

Hornswoggle: Phenomenal!

Santino Marella: Well I then makings my decision, it is AJ Stylings. I do not understandings why he is not-a modellings because his-a last name is Styles. But I do seeing why they say he is a-phenomenals!

Hornswoggle then looks and gasps as he screams "AH, AH, AH. Big Monsters"!

UWF Global Championship Match:
The UWF Global Champion, The Great Khali w/Ranjin Singh versus Kane w/Paul Bearer

Hornswoggle: Scary! Big! Big!

Santino Marella: Oh no! These-a two big men, one is-a scary with his mask. He remindings me of Freddy ver-suhings Jason, but the mask is-a different. I do not likings the mask, I do not likings Khali as he is a big and-a very scary man. He's always yelling, its-a hurtings my ear. Eh, I say the maskings will be a winner because Khali do not understandings English and does not knowings the count of five. It is so easy!

Hornswoggle: One, Two, Three, Four, Five! I count to five Santino!

Hornswoggle then looks at the paper as he begins humming Fandango's theme song as he begins dancing with Santino.

UWF International Championship defended in a Flag Match:
The UWF International Champion, Fandango versus Homicide

Hornswoggle: Ok stop Santino! We must pick!

Santino Marella: Don't you doings that again, the song is a very-catchy like a Italia music! But, Fandangoings is not going to be a winner. I do not seeing the Fandangoings capturing the America flag because Homicide has his friends. Those friends are going to be a helpings Homicide to a victorria! This isn't fair, but Homicide is-a bad bad man.

I Quit Match:
Dean Ambrose versus The Corporation's Cody Rhodes

Hornswoggle: I QUIT, I QUIT!

Santino Marella: Hey, you cannot be-a runnings away! You come back-a here now!

Hornswoggle has ran off after misunderstanding the word "I QUIT". He thinks he is no longer a part of the interview, however Eve comes into the picture.

Eve: Sweet Santino, how are you?

Santino Marella: I'm-a very good thankings you! I am doings a predictings on Bound for Glories, who do you think will be a-winnings between Deanie Ambrosings and Cody Road?

Eve: I love your accent.

Santino Marella: Oh ha-ha, I am-a Italian Stallion after all. Ha.

Eve: You're so cute Santino, but seeing you've asked me this question. I'm going to go with Dean Ambrose, he is just so gorgeous... I don't really like Cody Rhodes, he had the mask... then he claimed he was dashing. Ugh! The guy needs a complete make-over!

Santino Marella: He would not likings to hear you sayings this Eve! I thinkings Cody Rhodes will be a-winnings this matchings because he is-a part of the Corporations, they will findings a way to make Ambrose say those words "I Quit".

Eve: Ugh! I can't believe you'd pick Cody Rhodes, I'm out of here!

Santino Marella: Oh no! Who can I interviewings now?

Santino looks annoyed, he takes off his t-shirt which reveals his wrestling attire. Brodus Clay and the Funkadactyls are behind him now. They look at the TV as it shows a video package of the four guys in the Fatal-Four-Way Number One Contendership match.

Number One Contendership for the UWF Championship, Fatal Four Way Match:
Enzo Amore versus Damien Sandow versus The COO, Triple H versus Dvon Dudley*

Santino Marella: This-a tough pickings. I do not likings the look of-a Enzo Amore, he trying to be a-Italian but there can only being one! That's-a me Santino Marella!

Brodus Clay: Well, Enzo seems to getting down and funky and there ain't no wrong in that 'Tino! But I've been seeing Damien Sandow has been impressive man. I'm gonna have to go with Sandow here. D'Von could win it but I don't know man, I ain't too sure on Triple H. He's the COO... He could just insert himself as the number one contender!

Santino Marella: Oh yes! Well maybe I followings you, I pickings Damien Sandings. Will you be-a staying for this predictings?

Brodus Clay: I suppose...

Santino Marella: You makings me happy. I going to letting your girlfriends predictings this matchings now. This-a big tag-a match! It's a between The Miz and Ice-Cold Steve Austins as he facing a John Cena and Batty!

Raw versus The Corporation Tag Team Match:
Representing Raw, Stone Cold Steve Austin & The Miz w/Ric Flair versus Dave Batista & John Cena w/Stephanie McMahon

Naomi: I'm going to pick Batista and Cena, they're just great looking guys. The Miz has this... ugh! Baby-face look.

Brodus Clay: You're not going for the good guys?

Cameron: Think about it Brodus, The Corporation will do everything to make Stone Cold and The Miz lose.

Santino Marella: I do not wanting a fightings between us, we all friends here, ehh-k! But I do agreeings, I feeling John Cena and Batty will be a vittoria!

Brodus Clay: I wish I was wrestling these two chumps!

UWF Extreme Championship to defend in a Last Man Standing Match:
The UWF Extreme Champion, Umaga w/Trish Stratus versus The Big Show

Santino Marella: Well, I do liking the Big Show. He can be nice sometimes, but now he not so nice. But Umaga is a very scary man, I do not likings scary. I pickings Big Show.

Brodus Clay: Either way, I dislike the both of them. This next one scares me, Vampiro and Undertaker are two zombies and then you've got Chris Jericho.

UWF United States Championship to be defended in a Two Falls Match:
The UWF United States Champion, Chris Jericho versus The Undertaker versus Vampiro
First Fall: Three Way Dance (Eliminator round)
Second Fall: Steel Cage Match (1v1 Match)

Santino Marella: Ah, tut, tut, tut! I have been told by the boardings of directors that I am not allowings to be talking about this-a matchings. So we must skipping to Juvie and Christian!

Brodus Clay: I like Christian but I ain't seen him around lately, Juventud's been winning so yeah Juvie.

UWF Intercontinental Championship Finals, Ladder Match:
Christian versus Juventud

Santino Marella: Juicy! Juice Juice!

UWF Ironman Championship to be defended in a 30 Minute Ironman Match:
UWF Ironman Champion, Dolph Ziggler versus Chris Masters

Santino Marella: Oh-ho! A thirty minute matchings, this-a toughie but I be pickings a draw because I do not seeings the both wrestlings for so long, the crowd may falling asleep. Perhaps both guys will fallings sleep like Snorlax from a Pok-e-monings and we callings this one a draw eh?

Brodus Clay: Word has it we cannot talk about the next match too 'Tino.

Santino Marella: Who's-a telling us what to doings, I do not a-likings this! Eddie is a tough son-of-a-

Brodus Clay: 'Tino, no swearing dude! Ya gotta keep funky, but I'm gonna be hoping Kennedy retains man.

UWF Hardcore Championship to be defended in a Hardcore Match:
The UWF Hardcore Champion, Mister Kennedy versus Eddie Guerrero

Singles Match:
Brock Lesnar w/Jim Cornette versus Chris Sabin

Santino Marella: This-a nobody speakings about this-a match but The Beast is so big, he may hurtings Sabin. I pickings the Lesnar.

Tag Team Match:
Muhammad Hassan w/Daviari & David Otunga w/Brad Maddox versus Sting & The Ultimate Warrior

Brodus Clay: Can we be quick? I'm busting for the toilet dude. Hassan and Otunga here.

Singles Match:
Carlito versus Derrick Bateman

Brodus Clay: I'm gonna go with the 'fro! He's got the funk look bro!

Santino Marella: Oh-kaay, you may goings to the toilet now Brodus. But you better not-a causings a big stinky! I'm-a almost finishings my pick!

King of the Ring Finals Match
Kurt Angle versus Austin Aries

Santino Marella: Well-a this a tough one, but I seeings the Olympia man Mister Angle winnings this-a fightings!

Grudge Match
Jeff Hardy versus Matt Morgan

Santino Marella: The very lastings match of the evenings, I am-a pickings Jeffie Hardings because he is-a so nice to me!


​

 

[ShanegoFett]

While the pairing of Reigns and Santino is real fucking weird

This was pretty damn good. You keep up your work with Santino and I think you'll have a blast when you get more practice with him. Good stuff Andrew

 

[Chase]

I agree with Shane very good job here Andrew was a fun interesting read.