Randolph Raidokken @Raidokken - Unfortunately, as it's already been pointed out, you apparently never got the memo that e-fed promos traditionally don't happen in the ring. Sadly, that is a strike against you here. Not just because cutting promos in the ring is generally a no-go, but also (and maybe more importantly) because cutting a straight up promo in the ring, on the mic, is just not very interesting. To me at least. It really puts a limit on your creativity. Having said all that, I think you showed some promise. This promo is pretty brief but you did really good with the dialogue as well as the description of the actions. I feel like your guy has a lot of good one liners like "you came here for an experience, I am that experience" and "You will see that what stands in front of you is what happens when born greatness meets relentless work ethic.". I thought those were really good lines that would stand out in an actual promo so kudos. I look forward to seeing what you can create going forward.
Xavier Xplosion @gurryman - First off, I wanna say that hosting your promos on a remote site is a total 2011 move.
It's cool though. Maybe a bit uncalled for, but whatever. The big positives in your promo, I felt, were how you set the scene, described characters and quickly established an identity for XXX. In this single promo you gave us a pretty comprehensive view of XXX's background, personality and motives, while also introducing some side characters and hyping up your actual match up. Very good on those points. One thing I think could be touched up is making the dialogue seem a little less rigid, and I'm also not too sure about the actual promo you cut on Raidokken. I'm not sure what exactly you were trying to have XXX come across as, but to me it almost felt like a parody or comedic spin of a "cool guy" rather than an actual "cool guy". Really good promo all around though.
Max Maverick @Jimmy King - Possibly my favorite promo of this show. I think you nailed your character. The use of TMZ was also a great, creative touch, that also helped put over Max as the big deal he's meant to be. Rather than just sitting in front of the camera and doing a whole "I'm the greatest, I'm rich, I'm famous" bit that a lot of people with the gimmick might do, you SHOWED that Max is all those things by having paparazzi blowing him up. That's great. I also thought the infusion of comedy was fantastic. The bits like hitting on the waitress, not remembering Fushimi's name and calling him Sushi, and telling his sister "bless you" when she said Tora Fushimi cause she thought she was sneezing was awesome. It felt like something out of Austin Powers.
I also like that you did multiple scenes and across those scenes you put Max's character over, talked about the match and your opponent, and also shit on the city a little. Great stuff. On the negative side, the one criticism I have is that the character is quite derivative. At this point at least. I mean you're basically RPing as Chris Jericho. Which is great in a way, but I look forward to seeing how you can set Max apart from Chris and really make the character your own.
Dorian Declan @OMB - What I liked about your promo is that I feel you've laid the foundation for a potentially deep and textured character. I feel you can definitely make this guy into a "special" character. And I also feel you have the cult-ish evil preacher bit down pretty well. One thing that usually turns me off dark/evil/demonic characters though is that they often speak in such vague terms. I like that you took aim at Jones and brought up specific points about him, like the fact that he's gotten second chances in life. Obviously the biggest detriment to this promo is the grammar and the formatting to a lesser extent. It's just hard to really enjoy the promo and have it flow the way you want when I'm constantly stopping and thinking, "wait, did I read that right?" and just being generally aggravated by spelling, punctuation and capitalization mistakes.
Steve Sanders @Shitface Killa - Pretty good promo. The aspects of it that I thought were really good: the scene setting you did, the attention to detail, and the unique promo concept. I definitely dig the idea of having a gimmick funeral for your opponent. Your use of descriptive words was very good too. One thing that threw me off throughout the promo was your character work. It may become more clear over time, but I'm really not sure who Steve is supposed to be as a person. At times he's speaking in elaborate terms and using a very dark, almost sadistic tone. But then in the same breath, he's showing a cocky side. Part of the time he's being very eloquent, then part of the time he's being very casual. For example, I just don't feel like one character should be saying "Only on January fifth of 2020, it did become louder and more pronounced. Everything has started coming full circle. It’s fitting really. At the top of a new decade, the things that beckoned me for so long have finally become a language I could understand. The very fabrics of my being slowly being reinvigorated"
AND "I plan to beat your ass like your redneck mama used to do boy." as well as making jokes about State Farm ads. It comes across like the character is just very undefined. But I don't know, maybe that's intentional on your part. Aside from that, there were just some small nitpicks like some grammatical errors here and there, and at one point I think you switch from using third person description to first person description, and then went back to third person. (
The Franchise examines the book for a moment before reaching his right hand forward to pick the pen up off the book. The book appeared to have a lot of entries written already. It’s a shock outside close family and friends that his man had a fan base of this magnitude when he lacks the abilities of main event material much like
myself.)
Jake Wakefield @Undeniable - First thing I have to get out of the way is that I love the layout of the promo as a whole, but I do think you overdid it a bit with all the gifs and YouTube videos. Coulda stood for a lot less of those, personally. I'm also not sure the whole preamble was quite necessary but that's not a huge deal. You definitely did a killer job of promoting your match here. Maybe the best example of actually putting over the match out of all the promos this week. And on top of that, I love the presentation of the character, your dialogue, and the style of promo you did. Though it was mostly speaking into the camera, there was also a story taking place all the while, which is very important to me. I am concerned that Jake is or will become too similar to Sami Callihan, which is something I'm always against as a general rule. Never a fan of when an e-fed wrestler has someone as their pic base, and then also borrows heavily from their character. So, I guess that's something to keep an eye on. Anyways though, a real good promo. Way to use the past, tie it all in, and start a new chapter for these characters. Too bad the promo was a bit on the late side.
CM JuNk @Jeffatron - I only wish you didn't name the character CM JuNk because otherwise I love the guy. Honestly, as far as comedy e-fedders go, this is one I can really get behind. As far as the actual promo... like I said, comedy was great. I don't really mind that the promo was short, and that is wasn't much of anything special in terms of formatting. It was pretty good. Not great. But good. Looks like you're going to coast to a victory on this show, so now I'm just looking forward to seeing who you draw at the next event and what comes next for this lovable oaf.
Belly Boy @Bratwurst - Great promo. Do that again next time, but submit it before the deadline.
Brandon Roberts @Blaze - I really like how you portrayed Roberts from a character perspective. I'm pretty critical of the standard cocky heel gimmicks you see so often, but they're not inherently bad. I like this air of superiority your guy has. I also really like lines such as when you are telling Shinzo how you're going to beat him, but it's nothing personal. That's just good, fundamental heel work. Also, I really like that you spent the first paragraph building your character, and then used the second paragraph to build the match. Couple things I'm not too crazy about: the format. It isn't bad, really. It works. But I do think it could be improved. Second thing: switching from past tense to present tense. Gotta watch that. At times you're describing what IS happening (he says as he passes over his credit card before turning his attention back to the camera) and then at times your describing what DID happen (he said taking a bite as the camera fades out to black.). It should be one or the other, all the way through. All things considered, I thought this was a very strong promo though and I could see you churning out some really great ones in the future.
Shinzo @Jeffatron - You packed a big punch in a short promo I feel. I'm guessing the stoner cyborg thing is scrapped?
To me your character came across like a fusion of Braun Strowman and Abyss, or something like that. Whatever it is, I like it. There's not a whole lot more for me to say on this one. You were very concise and to the point. I hope in future promos we're able to dig more into Shinzo's past and his psychology.
Brian Zewbowski @Pepé Le Quagmire - This one is another candidate for my promo of the week/cycle/event. I have seen bits and pieces of Humanity as a lurker in his old fed so I kinda have a foundation for who he is already. I've always thought the character is great. I love the style of promo you did here. It's what I would describe as cinematic. It's more like a scene out of a movie than a wrestling promo, which I personally prefer (you can probably tell that from how I wrote my promos). Without getting into any long-winded spiels or being overly descriptive, you've painted a pretty clear picture of who Brian and Humanity are, the past troubles they've had and the dynamic of their relationship. The single thing this promo was missing was some actual hype for the match you're in. Myself, I don't think that's a really big deal considering it's the first show and right now it's very important that we all establish who our characters are.
Graves @OMB - I could basically just echo the same thing I said for Declan here. I like the pieces you have in place for the character. I like that you took things from Grim's character to use as talking points in your promo. Brian's promo was about him being tortured by the evil within him, and you drop lines like "Brian... Do you really think you have what it takes to face your fears?". Good work on that. But again, I can't stress enough how much the bad grammar takes me out of a promo.
Curt Adkins @Monday Night Mitch - Since I mentioned it to Smark and Jimmy, I think I'm obligated to toss it in here too... I would really hate to see Curt and Christopher be an exact copy of Lesnar and Heyman. Or at the very least, since Chris is the one doing the speaking apparently, I don't want him to be like Heyman. Now, aside from that, I liked the promo. I read your recent promo over on WC too, and something that I like about your style is how you narrate the promos. When you're describing the scene or setting up the situation, you write it like it's all coming off the cuff. It's like if you were speaking to me, person to person, and describing what is happening. I think that's a great trait for you. In addition to that, I thought parts of Chris Johnson's tirade were pretty entertaining. Specifically "Curt absolutely loves and respects women. Y'all should see the smokeshow that he's dating, she's an absolute dime."... that's good stuff. The promo was good, as I said, but given how short and (I hope this doesn't sound insulting) basic it was, I'm expecting you to drop some real gems in the future when you're able to put more thought and time into them.
