Reviewing every WWE PPV in order from worst to best

[Jarf]

WrestleMania XI

This was the lowest rated WrestleMania on Cagematch, and after watching it, I can see why.

Match 1: The Allied Powers (British Bulldog & Lex Luger) def. The Blu Brothers (6:34)

I’m not gonna lie, the song that Bulldog & Luger come out to together lowkey rules. There are photographers lined up at the front and the back of the ring, and unfortunately, they are gonna be there all night.Anyway, this was such a sloppy, slow match to start the show. Already, I’m not having fun. Bulldog & Luger are fine but the Blu Brothers are not good. They looked enough like each other that they were able to get away with the twin magic bit. The finish comes after one of the brothers tries to powerbomb Luger, but Bulldog tags himself in and sunset flips the Blu into a pin. This was apparently The Blu Brothers first loss.

My Rating: *1/4

Match 2: Intercontinental Championship Match - Razor Ramon def. Jeff Jarrett (c) via DQ (13:32)

The Roadie helped Jarrett win the title from Razor at the Royal Rumble, so 1-2-3 Kid is down there with Razor to even the odds. The start of this match made me laugh because Razor charges the ring, but the photographers are in his way. The bell rings and Razor beats Jarrett, who retreats to the outside. And Razor hits his pose and the ring pyro still goes off. After the bell rang already. I did get a kick out of that to be honest. The starting bit of the match is Razor tossing Jarrett around. Jarrett tries to run away, but The Kid stops him. Jarrett eventually takes control and works over Ramon. They do the same spot three times at some point, where they’re both down, they get up and they bump heads and then they’re down for another 30 seconds. They get back up and hit each other with a punch and then they’re down again for another 30 seconds. Alright, that’s kinda lame. Razor looks to finish the match with Razor’s Edge, but the Roadie comes in and clips Razor’s knee to cause the referee to call for the DQ. A brawl ensues between all 4 men after the match, where Jarrett’s nose gets busted and bleeds

My Rating: **1/2

Match 3: The Undertaker def. King Kong Bundy (6:36)

I feel like The Undertaker has had the worst track record in this series so far. I don’t think he’s had a match that I’ve rated over half a star yet. This match is no different because this sucked. The match is almost entirely focused on the urn, which Ted DiBiase and the Million Dollar Corporation stole at the Royal Rumble. Taker takes the urn from DiBiase, but they get it back after Kama runs down, kicks Paul Bearer in the gut and steals the urn back. And then Bundy just sits on Taker for forever. Bundy hits a splash in the corner and Taker no sells it. He body slams Bundy and hits a leaping clothesline to beat Bundy. Not even a chokeslam and Taker goes 4-0 at WrestleMania.

My Rating: DUD

Match 4: WWF Tag Team Championship Match - Owen Hart & Yokozuna def. The Smoking Gunns (c) (9:42)

Owen Hart comes out and grabs the mic and Vince and Lawler talk over him on commentary. Please, one voice at a time. Owen introduces his mystery partner as Yokozuna and then The Smoking Gunns come out. This is not such a bad match. It kind of starts with The Gunns beating up Owen, but when Yokozuna gets in there, the match turns around. He flattens Billy’s head with a leg drop. They continue isolating Billy for a little bit until Owen accidentally dropkicks Yokozuna down after Billy dodges him. Billy makes the hot tag to Bart, and they begin to come back, but Bart makes the mistake of tagging Billy back in. The Gunns go for a move on Yokozuna, but Owen drops the top rope as Bart hits it and Yokozuna takes down Billy before he flattens him with a Banzai Drop. The pin is broken up by Bart, but Billy is dead by this point. He actually screams when Yoko lands on him. Owen takes Bart out again and Yoko tags in Owen, who looks like he’s gonna put the sharpshooter on Billy, but he just pins him instead, probably because he realized Billy is dead and wouldn’t be able to tap out.

My Rating: **1/2

Match 5: I Quit Match with Roddy Piper as Special Referee - Bret Hart def. Bob Backlund (9:34)

The first ever I Quit Match in WWE. On paper, this doesn’t sound bad. Bret Hart is in the conversation for the best in ring wrestler of all time. Bob Backlund is compentent so you expect this match to be good. But by god, this is a shitty match. I can break this match down in one sentence. They put submissions on each other for 10 minutes, while Piper just asks them “whaddya say.” That’s the whole match. Backlund doesn't even say I Quit either, he just screams and then Piper calls for the bell. I will admit that I may have given it a bonus half of a star for making me laugh at one point.

My Rating: *

Match 6: WWF Championship Match - Diesel (c) def. Shawn Michaels (20:35)

This match was decent. It was the best match of the night. But this is the match where the photographers become a problem. Shawn takes the bump where he gets irish whipped into the corner and falls over the rope, and he falls on one of the photographers. Shawn gets frustrated and moves the photographer out of the way. Shawn in the 90s was a prick, but this is one time I can understand his frustration. They shouldn’t be there. They get in the way again, because Diesel gets to hit Shawn against the ring post and Diesel is supposed to hit his ribs against it when Shawn dodges and there’s a photographer standing there so Diesel has to kind of avoid him while still selling his ribs. It completely takes the flow out of the match in my opinion. Shawn spends a good portion of the match targeting Diesel’s ribs. Here, Shawn pretty much exposes Diesel as a paper champion by outshining him. The match spills outside the ring and the referee follows them and apparently hurts his ankle, but it happens offscreen so Vince has to tell us that’s what happened. They get back in the ring and Shawn hits Diesel with a Superkick, and has him pinned for like 10 seconds. Sid, who I forgot to mention was Shawn’s new bodyguard at this point, throws the ref back in the ring, and Diesel kicks out of course. The way that this match ends is hilarious. Diesel comes back and he starts to “hulk up.” Not even joking, he does the arm pump thing, he knocks Shawn down twice before sending him off the ropes and hitting a big boot. He hulks up! WWE were really trying to turn Diesel into the next Hulk Hogan huh? Then Diesel hits the Jacknife Powerbomb which Shawn takes terribly and Diesel retains. So this match wasn’t bad, but it has flaws that prevents me from rating it any higher.

My Rating: ***

Main Event: Lawrence Taylor def. Bam Bam Bigelow (11:42)

The Million Dollar Corporation come out first and then LT’s crew comes out next. Now, this match is why I think Bam Bam is extremely underrated. He bumped hard for LT and did his best to try and carry the football player to a decent match. LT hits Bam Bam with a hard clothesline, and throws him across the ring to start the match. As far as celebrity matches go, this one was okay. The result was never in doubt though. The guest celebrity never loses. LT wins after hitting a clothesline off the top rope and his team come in and have to hold him up because he is so blown up. Get this man some water ASAP.

My Rating: **

Cagematch Rating: 3.30

My Rating: 1.5/10

Goddamn, what a bad show. This WrestleMania was only 2 and a half hours but it felt longer than that. I would place this above only 2 other shows that I’ve watched so far. I’d put it below all the Saudi shows. There isn’t much offensive booking on this show, but it’s just the fact that nobody expects the Saudi shows to be good. This is WrestleMania! What is supposed to be the biggest show of the year! The best match of the night is at best, a 3 star match. This, King of the Ring ‘95 and December to Dismember all sit at the bottom of the list at the moment. I have it above King of the Ring because there were at least a couple points where I laughed during this show.

Up next, is another show from the late 2010s. Backlash 2018.

 

[Jarf]

Backlash 2018

Good lord, I forgot how bad this show was. When I saw how low it was on Cagematch, I thought it was a bit harsh, but nah, it deserves the rating it has.

Match 1: Intercontinental Championship Match - Seth Rollins (c) def. The Miz (20:30)

The one shining light on this shitty show is the opening match. For the past 2 years, The Miz had elevated the Intercontinental Title to its past glory, and here he was elevating it one more time in an awesome match with Seth Rollins. The early part of the match is Miz working over Seth, but followed by a short come back by Seth. But the point where this match begins to pick up is when Seth’s knee hits the ring post after Miz dodges it. And The Miz, like a shark that smells blood in the water, wastes no time in putting the figure four on Rollins. Rollins is in this hold for a while before he reaches the bottom rope. From there, Rollins is selling his knee, he’s in bad shape. Miz goes for a Skul Crushing Finale, but Rollins escapes momentarily but, not for long. Rollins attempts to roll up Miz, but Miz scoops him back up, Rollins lands on his feet and immediately clutches his knee, allowing Miz to take advantage and hit the Skull Crushing Finale for a two. The first of two that he hits in this match, and Rollins hits the resiliency button and kicks out of the second one. Seth eventually, is able to hit Miz with a Curb Stomp and clutching his bad knee, he rolls over to cover Miz to retain. Amazing opener, starting this show off with a bang and it’s after this match where you can stop watching…

My Rating: ****1/4

Match 2: Raw Women’s Championship Match - Nia Jax (c) def. Alexa Bliss (10:20)

This was during Nia’s weird babyface run as the champion. It doesn’t last very long, but I don’t know how you put the belt on her as a babyface. This is the problem that this match has. Alexa is the heel and Nia is the face. Nia is much bigger than Alexa, so if anything, Alexa is the underdog in this match. The heel underdog. But that doesn’t stop them from trying to convince us that Alexa has a shot, because she’s in control for most of this match. The most that Alexa can do is rest holds, sleeper holds. She hits a DDT on the steps on the outside. If the roles were reversed, and Nia was the one in control, then you could’ve told a convincing story here. For this reason, this match isn’t very good because I can’t buy into Alexa dominating most of this match. Nia wins with a Samoan Drop and cuts a promo after the match saying “bullies always get their asses kicked.”

My Rating: *1/2

Match 3: United States Championship Match - Jeff Hardy (c) def. Randy Orton (12:00)

This match was fine. That’s really all I can say about it. It wasn’t bad, it’s just a very nothing important match, which is weird considering who’s in it. Orton was a babyface at this time, but he pretty plays a heel in this match, because he stays on Jeff Hardy and works over his back for a lot of this match. Orton wouldn’t officially turn heel for another two months but he works a very heel style in this match. Jeff eventually fights back into the match, and wins with a Swanton Bomb to take the win.

My Rating: **1/2

Now after this is an Elias segment, where he tries to play a song and he keeps getting interrupted by different people, including Rusev who was so damn over at this time! Rusev Day was hot! Now, this segment would’ve been fine. I would admit it’s actually entertaining. This is where the gif of Elias looking really annoyed and holding his head comes from. This is a fine segment… for an episode of Raw. This is a PPV.

Match 4: Daniel Bryan def. Big Cass (7:45)

This was during the comeback story of Daniel Bryan, who I couldn’t tell you how happy I was when I heard he was cleared. This match is basically a match where nothing happens again. Cass is in control because he’s the bigger guy. But the thing is, he ends up looking incredibly weak in the end because he beats up Bryan for most of this match, and when Bryan gets back into it, all he has to do is get Cass in the Yes Lock and Cass immediately taps out and it’s over. Okay, weird way to present someone you supposedly want to look good but whatever.

My Rating: **1/4

Match 5: SmackDown Women’s Championship Match - Carmella (c) def. Charlotte Flair (9:00)

This runs into the same problem that the other women’s title match does. Carmella’s the heel, Charlotte’s the face. And what we know about both of them is, Charlotte wins a lot. She’s very good in the ring. She’s a smart wrestler. She ended Asuka’s undefeated streak. Carmella loses a lot. She’s not good in the ring. She lucked her way to the Money in the Bank Briefcase. The only reason she’s the champion is because she cashed in. And Carmella spends most of this match in control of Charlotte. It isn’t as unconvincing as the story with Nia and Alexa, but this match goes against what we know about both these women’s canon. They at least have the finish being Carmella lucking her way through another win. Charlotte attempts a moonsault and tweaks her knee on the landing. Carmella kicks her knee out from under her and gets Charlotte in a deep pin to retain.

My Rating: *3/4

Match 6: WWE Championship No DQ Match - AJ Styles (c) vs. Shinsuke Nakamura ended in a no contest (21:05)

Fucking hell, this feud. The feud where Nakamura became the guy who liked to low blow AJ. You really would’ve thought that after it happened so many times, AJ would’ve seen it coming, or at the very least, have worn a cup. He never learns though. This match is mostly very boring, which is something that I shouldn’t be saying about an AJ Styles vs Shinsuke Nakamura match. The DQ stipulation doesn’t come into play until the latter half of the match where Nakamura brings a chair into the ring. The match starts to pick up towards the end though, when Shinsuke goes for a Kinshasa and AJ throws the chair into Nakamura’s knee. But the chair bounces off Nakamura’s knee and hits AJ right in the face, which cuts him open. Not bad enough where the ref stops the match but AJ is bleeding now. Now, I don’t like seeing people get hurt… but thank fuck something finally happened! The match picks up from there and it looks like they’re finally getting the gears to turn when Nakamura hits AJ in the dick, and AJ retaliates by doing the same. They both get back up and start throwing forearms and punches and then they kick each other in the penis at the same time. And the referee starts to count them. And I remember watching this at the time and thinking, “okay, they’re gonna get back up and starting beating each other’s ass again, it’s gonna be great.” The ref gets to 10, and he calls for the bell… what? The match is a no contest. AJ retains and I say, “say psych right now.” The match is just over… What a crock of shit.

My Rating: ***

Match 7: Braun Strowman & Bobby Lashley def. Kevin Owens & Sami Zayn (8:40)

Braun had just won the 50-Man Royal Rumble a week ago and Lashley had just made his return to the company. There was absolutely no way they were losing this match. A match which is basically a squash. Sami Zayn eventually tries to leave and Owens says “no, we stay and fight.” So Sami throws Kevin in the ring to Strowman, gets his ass beat and then he throws Sami in the ring so he can get his ass beat as well. Owens and Sami begin fighting with each other and Strowman and Lashley just watch them fall apart. Sami gets out of the ring and Owens is ganged up on by the two meaty beasts. And for some reason, Lashley’s finisher was a stalling suplex because that’s what he wins the match with… He beats Kevin Owens with a stalling suplex… What the fuck. And since Braun and Lashley are the babyfaces, they do what any babyface does which is continue beating up their much weaker opponents after the match. Kevin eats a Running Powerslam from Braun, before they go outside, bring Sami in, so Braun can give one to him too… The good guys win.

My Rating: 1/2*

Main Event: Roman Reigns def. Samoa Joe (18:10)

Holy Mary, mother of Christ. I forgot how bad the Roman Reigns propaganda was at this time. It took a real life illness for Roman to finally get some sympathy, which is what WWE had tried to do with him all fucking year in 2018. In the pre-match video package, they show Samoa Joe cutting a promo where he says “every time you get in the ring with Brock Lesnar, you end up broken and beaten and then you come out here and make excuses for why it happened.” Tell me when he starts lying. Roman Reigns’ gimmick at this point was conspiracy theorist, because he believes he was screwed out of the Universal Title at the Greatest Royal Rumble, which is fair enough, but here he was main eventing a PPV, in a match that has 0 stakes. So Joe attacks Roman before the bell even rings. He puts Roman through the announce table, and tosses him over another one. And this crowd couldn’t give two shits. They come alive for one moment during this match. That’s when Joe has Roman in the Conquina Clutch and it looks like Roman is about to pass out and the crowd cheers, hoping that its the end, and this is where this match should’ve ended. But nope, Roman’s eyes open wide and he grabs the bottom rope. Roman ends the match with a Spear and beats Samoa Joe, who missed WrestleMania and just got drafted to SmackDown and could’ve benefited from winning this match. But nah, Roman wins LOL. Michael Cole says this but all I heard was Vince saying it. “This was a must win for Roman Reigns.” Get the fuck outta here! Must win my ass! The reason that the Tribal Chief character works so well is because Roman is a bad guy, who wins all the time. The Big Dog was bad because he was a good guy who won all the time, but WWE always… ALWAYS tried to present him as an underdog when he has never been the underdog in his entire career! And the fans shit all over this, as they should've. Turns out, people don't like when you try to shove something down their throats. "Roman Reigns has overcome the odds! I can’t believe it! Please, for the love of God, cheer Roman Reigns!"

My Rating: *1/2

Cagematch Rating: 3.37

My Rating: 3/10

This show had a promising start, but the first match is the only thing worth watching on it. Admittedly, Roman winning is a preferable ending to the duel cup checks in the No DQ Match. But they could've just, and I'm just throwing this out there… not book that finish!

Next, we're going back in time. All the way back to the 80s. The 2nd WrestleMania of the series appropriately enough. WrestleMania 2.

 

[Chris]

Hahaha the worst WrestleMania of all time I can't wait

 

[Jarf]

Hahaha the worst WrestleMania of all time I can't wait

Whaddya mean? I've only heard good things about this show...

 

[Chris]

It does have a couple good tag matches I'll give it that

 

[Jarf]

WrestleMania 2

Now the thing about this WrestleMania is that it was held in three different locations, 4 matches in New York, 4 in Chicago and 4 in Los Angeles. And each portion has their own rating on cagematch for some reason. So what I did was I found the average of all 3 ratings and it averages to a 3.46.

Match 1: Paul Orndorff vs. Don Muraco ended in a double countout (4:10)

What a way to start the show. With a double countout after 4 minutes. Not that they were actually doing anything worth remembering. Orndorff just worked Muraco’s shoulder for a a bit, then some brawling before they end up outside the ring. And it doesn’t feel like they’re outside for long before the referee calls for the bell. The match is ruled a double countout, which that ref had to have counted really quick to count them out that fast. A bullshit chant gets going after the decision.

My Rating: *3/4

Match 2: Intercontinental Championship Match - Randy Savage (c) def. George Steele (5:10)

Oof, George Steele is such a rough worker. And no, I don’t mean Bruiser Brody rough, I mean bad rough. This match is pretty much George Steele taking apart Savage. Savage is only ever able to take the advantage when George gets distracted by Elizabeth at ringside. Steele makes a meal out of one of the turnbuckles and shoves the stuffing in Savage’s face. Don’t know what that’s supposed to do. There was a funny bit where Savage went outside and snatched a bouquet of flowers and slapped Steele with it. Anyway, Savage wins by deep pinning Steele with his feet on the ropes.

My Rating: *1/2

Match 3: Jake Roberts def. George Wells (3:15)

By a show of hands, does anybody remember George Well. I’m going to assume you’re not raising your hand. But that’s crazy to me how he wasn’t more relevant because he’s actually not that bad. He does a head scissors to Jake. He actually has the upper hand for a good bit until Jake hits him with a knee to the jaw followed by a DDT to win. Then Jake unleashes his massive, girthy, snake on George.

My Rating: **

Match 4: Boxing Match - Mr. T def. Roddy Piper via DQ (13:14)

God, this match is so boring to watch. It has it’s moments but for the most part it is very lame. It’s no Rocky, that’s for sure. There are 4 rounds in this match. The first round was pretty even but very unexciting. Second round is dominated by Piper, who nearly knocks T out. Third round is all Mr. T, who knocks Piper on his ass. Fourth round is when it gets good, and they start knocking the shit out of each other, until Piper says fuck it and body slams Mr. T, and he’s disqualified.

My Rating: *1/2

Match 5: Women’s Championship Match - Fabulous Moolah (c) def. Velvet McIntyre (1:25)

If you were to take a piss before this match, you probably could’ve missed the pre-match introductions and the match itself and not even know that it happened. That’s how quick it was. Velvet misses a splash off the top rope and Moolah lays on her to win.

My Rating: 1/2*

Match 6: Flag Match - Corporal Kirchner def. Nikolai Volkoff (2:05)

Another Flag Match, only there’s no special way to win. This is just a regular match, only the winner gets to show off their country’s flag… Okay? It’s another quick match thankfully, but that’s still enough time for Kirchner to bleed. Imagine blading for a 2 minute match.

My Rating: DUD

Match 7: WWF vs. NFL Battle Royal - Andre the Giant won by last eliminating Bret Hart (9:09)

I am not ashamed to admit that I giggled for 10 minutes after they introduced Dick Butkus. I know I’m 12 and I will own up to that. This match is just a lot of hugging to be honest. It ends with Andre the Giant and The Hart Foundation as the final 3 and the Harts try to double team Andre, but Andre fights back against them. He big boots Neidhart who just kinda flails over the top rope. Bret goes to the top rope, but that’s a mistake because Andre picks him up off it and throws him onto Neidhart on the floor.

My Rating: **1/4

Match 8: WWF Tag Team Championship Match - The British Bulldogs def. The Dream Team (c) (13:03)

Finally, something good. For a match in the 80s, this was fast paced and intense. Valentine is in the ring for his team for most of this match. The Bulldogs were always a great team. This match was 13 minutes and it feels like an 8 minute match. I was surprised when it was over because I was like “wow, already?” The finish made me say holy shit. Davey Boy throws Valentine into Dynamite Kid on the apron, who hits Greg with a headbutt and Dynamite goes flying off the apron and Smith pins Valentine to win the match.

My Rating: ***3/4

When we go to the Los Angeles portion of the show, we get a look at our commentary team. Jesse Ventura, Lord Alfred Hayes and ELVIRA! Dick Butkus, a fun Tag Title match and now Elvira? This show has made dramatic improvements.

Match 9: Ricky Steamboat def. Hercules Hernandez (7:34)

It’s hard to have a bad match with Ricky Steamboat. This was okay, Hercules played his role as the powerful heel in this match and it was fine, just not great or anything. Steamboat eventually wins with a flying crossbody. Fun fact, Steamboat was originally booked to wrestle Bret Hart on this show. Imagine what could’ve been…

My Rating: **3/4

Match 10: Adrian Adonis def. Uncle Elmer (3:00)

So far, the worst thing about this show is that it’s boring. There hasn’t been any offensive or egregious booking. Booking this match is offensive to me because good god that was terrible. Thankfully, it only went 3 minutes, but that’s 3 minutes more than it should’ve gotten. The one saving grace of this match is that Elmer actually fell over after he threw a punch at Adonis and it made me laugh.

My Rating: DUD

Match 11: The Funk Brothers def. Tito Santana & Junkyard Dog (13:00)

I found an underrated gem on this show. It wasn’t an amazing match but it was good. The first part of the match, Tito and JYD are beating up the Funks, until they take control and work over Tito for a good while. Tito has to dodge and weave in order to reach his corner and make the hot tag to Junkyard. And when he gets in there, the crowd goes nuts. He goes wild on the Funks. He bangs their heads together, and slams Terry on a table on the outside. Jimmy Hart (The Funk’s manager) throws Terry the megaphone, and he uses it to knock out Junkyard Dog, allowing Terry to make the pin. Not spectacular but a fun match.

My Rating: ***1/4

Main Event: WWF Championship Steel Cage Match - Hulk Hogan (c) def. King Kong Bundy (11:00)

This match wasn’t bad actually. Call me crazy but I actually thought this was good. Hogan goes into this match with injured ribs and that’s what Bundy goes after. Hogan bounces Bundy off the steel cage and the real life Humpty Dumpty is busted open, from there, Bundy struggles to fight back, but he ends up hitting a Splash in the corner on Hogan, and then later, he hits another one, which Hogan no sells. And it’s basically over at that point. Hogan body slams Bundy, Leg Drops him and begins climbing the cage out. Bobby Heenan tries to stop him, but it’s no use. Bundy tries to crawl out of the cage door but Hogan drops to the floor before he can even make it to the door. Not a bad main event, but not really WrestleMania main event worthy.

My Rating: ***

Average Cagematch Rating: 3.46

My Rating: 4/10

Now don’t let my praise for certain parts of this show fool you. This WrestleMania was hard to sit through. It’s so uninteresting, and the whole three different locations thing is a huge ripoff to everyone who bought a ticket to those shows to be honest. New York especially had it rough because the worst part of the show was easily the beginning. I still had 10x more fun with this show than I did with WrestleMania 11, so I can’t put it below that.

Next show is the next in the lineage of The Great American Bash in 2005.

 

[Jarf]

The Great American Bash 2005

Match 1: WWE Tag Team Championship Match - Road Warrior Animal & Heidenreich def. MNM (c) (6:40)

We start the show off with something really wholesome. Animal dedicates this match to Hawk, who passed away in 2003. MNM work over Heidenreich’s knee, but it’s not long before Animal gets in and he gets to work on MNM. Animal and Heidenreich win after a Doomsday Device and Anmal gets the pin. Animal grabs a mic and says “Hawk, this one was for you.” Not a good match but that doesn’t really matter. A nice moment to start the show.

My Rating: **

Match 2: Booker T def. Christian (11:35)

Christian at this time should’ve been the biggest babyface because of his theme song. How do you have a theme song like that and still be a heel? Anyway, the first half of this match isn’t really that good, but they begin to pick up the pace after Christian grabs Sharmell, who slaps Christian in the face for it. Christian charges Sharmell, but Booker intercepts him with a spinebuster. It’s a bit of a back and forth match where Booker wins after a Scissors Kick from the second rope.

My Rating: ***

Match 3: United States Championship Match - Orlando Jordan (c) def. Chris Benoit (14:11)

Say what you will about Benoit, (I’ll probably agree) but nobody can deny he was one of the best wrestlers in the ring. So when you can’t even have a good match with him, then you’re probably not very good. Orlando Jordan wasn’t good. Admittedly he does wrestle a smart match, where he targets Benoit’s neck, which was hurt on the last episode of SmackDown, and works on Benoit’s arm, to weaken it for the Crossface. It just goes on for too long. Jordan stays on Benoit for so long, showing that it was a mistake to give this match 14 minutes. Benoit of course is not helpless so he fights back, he gets some his licks in, including a superplex and a diving headbutt that made me cringe. Jordan has to resort to cheating in order to win. He takes the top turnbuckle pad off, and Benoit goes for a german suplex, but Jordan drops down and Benoit’s face hits the exposed turnbuckle and Jordan pins him to get the win. He does this in full view of the referee, so why wasn’t there a DQ?

My Rating: **1/2

Match 4: World Heavyweight Championship #1 Contenders Match - The Undertaker def. Muhammad Hassan (8:04)

I feel so bad for Hassan. He was a victim of a bad gimmick and bad circumstances. His gimmick was pretty much, “terrorist.” That’s pretty tasteless in itself. But his career is basically over the night he gets a group of masked men to attack The Undertaker on SmackDown. This was the same night when there was a bombing in London, so the TV networks basically said, “we don’t want Muhammad Hassan on your program.” So he wasn’t on TV for the rest of the buildup towards this match. And the way that they write him off here is brutal. Hassan comes down with the same group of masked men who attacked Undertaker. They have the match. He’s pretty squashed by Taker, he gets his shots in, and even gets Taker in the Camel Clutch. But Undertaker hits Hassan with a Chokeslam to win, and then Taker gets to work by taking out all of Hassan’s men including Daivari, before he turns his attention to the ring leader. Undertaker gives Hassan another Chokeslam on the stage. Then he removes two of the steel panels on the stage, before picking Hassan up and giving him a Last Ride through the stage to the concrete below! I imagine they had some sort of mat for Hassan to land on. But the cameras get a shot of Hassan laying, basically dead. They show the EMTs loading him up on a stretcher and there’s blood smeared on the floor. And this was the last time Hassan was ever on WWE TV. So in canon, he died on this show. For the second Great American Bash in a row, The Undertaker kills somebody.

My Rating: *1/2

Match 5: The Mexicools (Juventud Guerrera, Super Crazy & Psicosis) def. The bWo (Stevie Richards, Blue Meanie & Hollywood Nova) (4:55)

So after that shocking moment, we get an uneventful 6-Man Tag. Nothing really of note here. The Mexicools barely even get to show off their athleticism. Blue Meanie doesn’t really do anything for the whole match either.

My Rating: *

Match 6: Rey Mysterio def. Eddie Guerrero (15:38)

Man, oh man, how times have changed. 18 years later, Dominik is a grown boy who got to have a feud with his dad. The story going into this match is that Eddie says he has a secret that he plans to reveal unless Rey can beat him here. Eddie makes Rey bring Dominik out here with him so he can have a front row seat. This was actually a little underwhelming. This could’ve and probably should’ve been amazing and to be fair, it had a pretty good start. Eddie Guerrero was so good at every damn thing. Babyface or heel, he was superb in any role he was given. He forces Rey to shake his hand in front of Dominik, because he’s hanging this secret over his head, then he gives Rey a hug. What a prick! I love it! Then Rey attacks, and he tries to end the match quickly. He just wants this nightmare to be over. He hits the 619 and the West Coast Pop pretty early in the match and Eddie kicks out, retreating to the outside. It’s after he brings Dominik into the match that it starts to slow down. Eddie takes control by grabbing hold of Dominik and Rey pleads with Eddie to let him go. Eddie complies and Rey tries to console his son, but before he gets a chance, Eddie beats him down and throws him back in the ring. What a piece of shit! The problem with this match is that Eddie spends too much time playing around and messing with Dominik. It really kills the flow of the match. It ends after a Frog Splash from Eddie who makes a cocky cover and looking right at Dominik as he does it, but Rey grabs Eddie’s arms and rolls him over for the 1, 2, 3. Rey Mysterio celebrates with his son. Of course, we all know where this goes next. Eddie was of course, lying and spills the beans on SmackDown. He is Dominik’s real father… DUN! DUN! DUN!

My Rating: ***1/4

Match 7: Bra & Panties Match with Candice Michelle as Special Referee - Melina def. Torrie Wilson (5:00)

What… What do I even say about this match? Do I even need to say anything? Or does it speak for itself? Melina’s shirt comes off first, and Torrie’s clothes come off and Melina wins I guess. Except she gets stripped too. And because Candice is there, she has to strip too because she feels like it? There it is. There’s your breakdown of this match. I don’t know what else to tell ya.

My Rating: 1/2*

Main Event: World Heavyweight Championship Match - JBL def. Batista (c) via DQ (19:50)

This was so fucking BORING! I could’ve probably watched old people play bingo and have more fun than I did watching this match. These two had absolutely no chemistry. It’s just Batista flexing and JBL doing rest holds for 20 minutes, holy balls. The last few minutes of the match, the referee gets knocked down, and Orlando Jordan comes out and tries to help JBL. A steel chair gets brought into the ring at some point. I must’ve missed it as I was thinking about what I was gonna have for dinner. Batista uses it on Jordan and JBL. The referee sees it and calls for DQ, but I couldn’t be bothered to care because I was just glad this match was over. But I have the benefit of watching it with hindsight. There were people who bought this show and realized that they were definitely going to have to watch these two fight again. NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! Oh by the way. JBL is announced as the winner via DQ and JBL smirks and raises his hand like he won the title! STOP! STOP! YOU’RE NOT THE CHAMPION! I know it’s something most people can look past but it makes no sense to me! Why are you happy?! Batista hits both Jordan and JBL with a Batista Bomb ‘cause he’s pissed and then the show ends. Thank fuck.

My Rating: *1/4

Cagematch Rating: 3.47

My Rating: 2.5/10

Terrible show, just terrible. It had two good matches on it, but neither one is really worth seeking out. I would actually rank this lower than the 2004 PPV.

Next up is a show I was actually in person for and was involved in a crowd that made me hate Pittsburgh forever… 10, 9, 8, 7, 6, 5, 4, 3, 2, 1. AAAAAAAAA… That was a hint. Extreme Rules 2018.

 

[Jarf]

Going forward, I'll have a list here ranking every show I've watched so far that I will continue to update as I go along.

1. Survivor Series 2021 (7.5/10)
2. Hell in a Cell 2009 (7/10)
3. King of the Ring 2002 (7/10)
4. King of the Ring 1997 (7/10)
5. No Way Out 2012 (7/10)
6. Crown Jewel 2019 (6.5/10)
7. Night of Champions 2013 (6.5/10)
8. Capitol Punishment (6.5/10)
9. Battleground 2013 (6/10)
10. TLC 2014 (6/10)
11. Judgment Day 2007 (6/10)
12. SummerSlam 2021 (5.5/10)
13. WrestleMania 5 (5.5/10)
14. Armageddon 1999 (5.5/10)
15. In Your House 8: Beware of Dog (5.5/10)
16. No Way Out 2007 (5.5/10)
17. Over the Limit 2010 (5.5/10)
18. Taboo Tuesday 2004 (5.5/10)
19. No Way Out 2005 (5.5/10)
20. Fastlane 2016 (5.5/10)
21. In Your House 23: Fully Loaded (5.5/10)
22. In Your House 21: Unforgiven (5.5/10)
23. Insurrextion 2002 (5.5/10)
24. WrestleMania 27 (5.5/10)
25. Cyber Sunday 2006 (5.5/10)
26. Judgment Day 2003 (5/10)
27. Survivor Series 2015 (5/10)
28. Hell in a Cell 2019 (5/10)
29. Money in the Bank 2017 (5/10)
30. Battleground 2014 (5/10)
31. Royal Rumble 1999 (5/10)
32. SummerSlam 1995 (5/10)
33. In Your House 22: Over the Edge (5/10)
34. Hell in a Cell 2012 (5/10)
35. SummerSlam 1988 (5/10)
36. Elimination Chamber 2018 (5/10)
37. In Your House 5: Seasons Beatings (5/10)
38. Royal Rumble 2022 (5/10)
39. King of the Ring 2000 (4.5/10)
40. WrestleMania 1 (4.5/10)
41. In Your House 17: Ground Zero (4.5/10)
42. In Your House 20: No Way Out of Texas (4.5/10)
43. Royal Rumble 2012 (4.5/10)
44. Fastlane 2017 (4.5/10)
45. WrestleMania 15 (4.5/10)
46. SummerSlam 2010 (4.5/10)
47. In Your House 9: International Incident (4.5/10)
48. Royal Rumble 2015 (4/10)
49. Royal Rumble 2006 (4/10)
50. Armageddon 2004 (4/10)
51. TLC 2019 (4/10)
52. SummerSlam 2007 (4/10)
53. Bragging Rights 2010 (4/10)
54. Survivor Series 1997 (4/10)
55. Survivor Series 2008 (4/10)
56. In Your House 15: A Cold Day in Hell (4/10)
57. Survivor Series 1991 (4/10)
58. Rebellion 1999 (4/10)
59. Capital Carnage (4/10)
60. Survivor Series 1989 (4/10)
61. SummerSlam 1993 (4/10)
62. In Your House 12: It's Time (4/10)
63. Survivor Series 2013 (4/10)
64. In Your House: The Premiere (4/10)
65. Survivor Series 2006 (4/10)
66. WrestleMania 2 (4/10)
67. Battleground 2017 (3.5/10)
68. Insurrextion 2000 (3.5/10)
69. Over the Limit 2011 (3.5/10)
70. Judgment Day 2004 (3.5/10)
71. Rebellion 2000 (3.5/10)
72. Survivor Series 1993 (3.5/10)
73. Unforgiven 1999 (3.5/10)
74. King of the Ring 1999 (3/10)
75. Vengeance 2007: Night of Champions (3/10)
76. Royal Rumble 1989 (3/10)
77. This Tuesday in Texas (3/10)
78. In Your House 4: The Great White North (3/10)
79. The Great American Bash 2004 (3/10)
80. Backlash 2018 (3/10)
81. In Your House 26: Rock Bottom (3/10)
82. Extreme Rules 2018 (3/10)
83. Unforgiven 2007 (3/10)
84. Crown Jewel 2018 (2.5/10)
85. The Great American Bash 2005 (2.5/10)
86. New Years Revolution 2005 (2.5/10)
87. Insurrextion 2003 (2.5/10)
88. WrestleMania 4 (2.5/10)
89. In Your House 19: D-Generation X (2.5/10)
90. WrestleMania 9 (2/10)
91. No Mercy 1999 (UK) (2/10)
92. Survivor Series 1999 (2/10)
93. Super Showdown 2019 (2/10)
94. Super Showdown 2020 (1.5/10)
95. Elimination Chamber 2022 (1.5/10)
96. WrestleMania 11 (1.5/10)
97. King of the Ring 1995 (1/10)
98. The Wrestling Classic (1/10)
99. December to Dismember 2006 (1/10)

 

[Jarf]

Extreme Rules 2018

I’ve never seen a more extreme show in my whole life… Ah, Christ almighty.

Match 1: Raw Tag Team Championship Match - The B-Team def. The Deleters of Worlds (c) (8:00)

We start the show with a huge upset. Bo and Bray get in there and for those who may not know, Bo and Bray are brothers. Bo teases us by tagging in Curtis. We eventually get Bray and Bo to face off when Bray gets tagged back in. Matt gets tagged back in shortly and Bo takes him out to get the upset win.

My Rating: **

Match 2: Finn Balor def. Baron Corbin (8:20)

I’ve seen some pretty bad matches from Baron Corbin. This was probably the worst. He dominates this entire match. Seriously, he is on top of Finn for this whole match, Finn gets a couple shots in and the rest is Corbin just getting heat! This is your typical boring Corbin match. Rest holds and shouting at the referee every time his opponent kicks out. That’s how every Baron Corbin match goes! Finn looks extremely weak because he has to resort to a rollup in order to win. It doesn’t look like he won though, it just looked like he escaped.

My Rating: *

Match 3: SmackDown Women’s Championship Match with James Ellsworth suspended in a shark cage - Carmella (c) def. Asuka (5:25)

It annoys the fuck out of me how WWE booked Asuka after her undefeated streak ended. After she lost to Charlotte, WWE were just like “okay, she’s lost. That means we can have her lose all the time.” NO! THAT’S NOT WHAT THAT MEANS! After Goldberg lost his first match in WCW, he was still treated like a badass, and they kept him consistent because for a while, that was his only loss! There’s a reason the number of people who’ve beaten him is a short list! If you have to have Asuka lose, then at least keep her booking consistent. She was a badass who could dish out the pain as much as she could take it. That’s why she was undefeated for so long! You wouldn’t know that from watching this fucking match though! Not only do they make her look weak, they make her look fucking stupid! Ellsworth is able to unlock the door to the shark cage and ends up hanging upside down and Asuka decides that she’s going to kick Ellsworth like a pinata. They lower the cage so they can get Ellsworth off and Carmella sneaks up from behind her, throws her face first into the cage and then pins her…. It is a goddamn miracle that Asuka was able to recover from this! This made her look so bad!

My Rating: Do you even need to ask? DUUUUUUUUUUUD!

Match 4: United States Championship Match - Shinsuke Nakamura def. Jeff Hardy (c) (0:06)

Nakamura low blows Hardy before the bell rings, hits a Kinshasa and pins him… Yeah, that’s the match, moving on… Or not, Randy Orton comes out and then he stomps Hardy in the penis before leaving… Okay, now we’re moving on.

No Rating

Match 5: Steel Cage Match - Kevin Owens def. Braun Strowman (8:05)

You know what, looking back on this feud, who was really the babyface here? Braun just fucked with Owens for weeks and if Kevin had done something to warrant it, I could’ve understood. But Braun just comes off as bully. Which is consistent with his character to be fair, and that’s why he should never have been a babyface. This may go down as a win for Kevin Owens, but he doesn’t look like a winner by the end of this match. Braun tosses Owens around the cage for a while and Owens is just trying to survive. Eventually, Owens manages to handcuff Braun to the ring ropes. Owens tells Braun to suck it before he attempts to escape. Big mistake. Braun breaks the handcuffs and chases Owens up the cage. Next thing you know, they’re both standing at the top of the cage and I’ll admit, this was cool to be in person to see. Braun tosses Owens off the top of the cage through an announce table. But because Owens’ feet touched the floor first, he technically wins the match. Braun doesn’t really care though, he did what he came to do.

My Rating: **1/4

Match 6: SmackDown Tag Team Championship Match - The Bludgeon Brothers (c) def. Team Hell No (8:20)

So earlier in this night, Harper and Rowan attack Team Hell No backstage and injure Kane’s ankle. So they get all this hype around Team Hell No reuniting just to do this… Great, love it. I’m not lying when I said I was hyped when I saw this match was booked. I loved Team Hell No. So this is pretty much a Handicap Match. Harper and Rowan work on Bryan for a while until. Kane eventually comes out wearing a cast on his ankle. He hits two weak Chokeslams on the big men, tags Bryan back in and then the match is over as Harper and Rowan take him out. Thanks for getting my hopes up just to eat them right in front of me.

My Rating: **1/2

Match 7: Bobby Lashley def. Roman Reigns (14:50)

Finally, a good match. The first half of this isn’t anything to talk about. But it’s after Roman throws Lashley over the ropes to the floor below that this match starts to pick up. Lashley lands awfully too, right on his left shoulder and it looked painful. Lashley hits a couple belly to bellies on the outside, one on the floor and one on the announce table where Roman lands on his neck. Lashley goes to the top rope and he’s knocked down a Superman Punch from Roman. Roman tries for a Spear and Lashley hits a Spear to win! I remember going, “woah, he actually beat him.” Fun fact too here. This was the last time that Roman was pinned clean.

My Rating: ***1/4

Match 8: Raw Women’s Championship Extreme Rules Match - Alexa Bliss (c) def. Nia Jax (7:30)

Damn, what an overbooked mess this was. This match makes more sense then Alexa dominating Nia for 8 minutes, but it still isn’t good. Alexa starts by running from Nia and tries to throw literally every weapon she could find at Nia, who takes it and throws it into the ring. Oh yeah, Natalya comes out with Nia and Ronda Rousey is in the front row. Mickie James tries to hand weapons to Alexa, and she’s yoinked down by Natalya, and Alexa runs over to help Mickie. Ronda jumps the barricade and beats on Mickie for a solid minute before turning to Alexa and chasing her, but Mickie saves her with a kendo stick. Alexa wins after her and Mickie beat Nia with chairs. So much, yet so little happening in 7 minutes.

My Rating: *1/2

Match 9: WWE Championship Match - AJ Styles (c) def. Rusev (15:35)

No jokes, no sarcasm with this one. This match was great. Rusev was so over at this time that if it were me booking this match, I probably would’ve put the belt on him. He didn’t even need to be the champ for long either, just give him a run ‘cause he earned it. This was a nice clash of styles (no pun intended). Rusev using his size and power to wear down AJ, and AJ trying to wrestle smart. He goes after Rusev’s knees and Rusev sells it for the whole match, and it becomes very important later. Rusev is no dummy either though, and he goes after AJ’s back, working over it for the Accolade. When Rusev eventually does go for the Accolade, he can’t plant the left leg so he can’t really get the move on. That doesn’t stop him from the trying. He just plants the right leg and only wrenches half of AJ’s body back. Aiden English removed the turnbuckle pad and it ends up coming back to bite Rusev, because Rusev’s head is what hits it, followed by a springboard 450 for a two count. Styles slides through the ropes and hits Aiden English with a kick before finishing things with a Phenomenal Forearm. A simple story told here but very enjoyable.

My Rating: ****

Main Event: Intercontinental Championship Ironman Match - Dolph Ziggler (c) def. Seth Rollins (30:10)

Now I know I’ve been vocal about how terrible this show has been so far. That’s on WWE. This last part is the crowd’s fault. I’ve already said I was in person and I was not a participant in this bullshit. This was the only match that I was excited about. The one match that I was looking forward to. And this crowd ruined it. Fuck you Pittsburgh. Now it’s not just the crowd, the match was also weirdly booked. Seth gets 2 falls in the first 6 minutes and then Drew McIntyre comes in and attacks Rollins, giving him a 3rd fall by DQ. But he does it for so long that Rollins should’ve won at least 20 points here. Ziggler quickly ties things up though thanks to Drew. This crowd decides that they’re hilarious and they count down every minute like it’s a Royal Rumble. This would’ve been fine if they did it once or twice. But 5 minutes after they start I realize, they’re not going to stop. This is the point where I get angry. Eventually, WWE take away the clock and like a kid who got their favorite toy taken away, they get even worse. They start counting down randomly. Every 20 seconds! I wish I could give you some sort of commentary on this match, but I was so out of it, I couldn’t focus on the action. I want to give it a higher rating, because they were trying here, but I can’t lie about this match. I hear Ziggler was really distracted by the crowd. If you’re wondering why Vince McMahon didn’t seem to give a shit about the Intercontinental Title, this is why. They put the title in the main event of a PPV and the crowd shit all over this. They go into overtime because they’re tied, 4-4. McIntyre comes back and distracts Rollins, and Ziggler takes advantage with a Zig Zag to retain.

My Rating: ***

Cagematch Rating: 3.58

My Rating: 3/10

To be honest, this show was more fun to watch in person (at least until the end). Not so much on TV.

Anyway, that was exhausting. My face is burning. Next is Survivor Series 2015. I have no energy to segway, goodnight everybody.

 

[Jarf]

Survivor Series 2015

Everybody remembers the story going into this show. Seth Rollins goes down with an injury, he’s forced to vacate the WWE Title, and a tournament is made to crown a new champion.

Match 1: WWE World Heavyweight Championship Tournament Semi-Final Match - Roman Reigns def. Alberto Del Rio (14:05)

This was a good match to start the show. It was a back and forth match that doesn’t feel like it goes too long. Del Rio works over Roman’s arm for a portion of the match because it was targeted by Cesaro in their Quarter-Final Match. Del Rio eventually manages to get the Cross Armbreaker on Roman and wrenches back on it and hangs onto it like a boa constrictor. Del Rio tries for a move off the top rope and Roman moves out of his way, Del Rio lands on his feet and turns around into a Spear.

My Rating: ***1/2

Match 2: WWE World Heavyweight Championship Tournament Semi-Final Match - Dean Ambrose def. Kevin Owens (11:20)

Ambrose takes the fight to KO early, but Owens quickly takes control, and he puts Ambrose in a rest hold and says “chinlock city baby.” Only Kevin Owens can make a rest hold good. They kick it into gear in the last couple minutes. Ambrose’s tank top gets ripped up in this match. He goes for a Suicide Dive but Owens catches him and throws him on the announce table. Owens makes two attempts at the Pop-Up Powerbomb and Ambrose counters both times, the second time with a hurricanrana. Ambrose catches Owens in a Dirty Deeds to advance.

My Rating: ***1/4

Now I hate to be that guy, (even though I’ve been that guy this whole series, but cut me some slack. I’ve watched a lot of bad wrestling shows), both the first two matches are good, but there’s no drama to them because everybody knew it was gonna be Roman vs Dean in the finals.

Match 3: Survivor Series Tag Team Elimination Match - Ryback, The Usos & The Lucha Dragons def. The New Day, Sheamus & King Barrett (17:33)

This match had no buildup. I’m pretty sure it was announced the day of the PPV. Sheamus was Mr. Money in the Bank at this time and that becomes important later. Xavier Woods comes out here with a hairdo that I don’t even know how to describe. Eight minutes pass before there’s an elimination, that being King Barrett. Jimmy Uso is the next to go. Sheamus tags himself in and Brogue Kicks Sin Cara out of the match. The New Day take exception to Sheamus tagging himself in and Big E. gets eliminated next. Kofi and Xavier are worried about their friend and they help him to the back, leaving Sheamus with Ryback, Kalisto & Jey Uso. Sheamus puts up a fight for a few minutes, but the numbers game catches up to him and he’s eliminated by Ryback. Very lackluster Survivor Series Match.

My Rating: **3/4

Match 4: Divas Championship Match - Charlotte (c) def. Paige (14:18)

This match isn’t terrible, but I wouldn’t say it’s great because hearing “this is my house” gets old after a while. I like Paige, but we get it. It’s actually a decent match. They do some nice stuff here but the pace is a little slow. I did like when Charlotte locked in the Figure Four and had it in for ages. Paige screams in agony and tries to roll out of the ring, but Charlotte rolls out first while keeping the hold on. Paige also puts Charlotte in a painful move, where it looks like Charlotte’s heel is about to touch the back of her head. Paige gets on the barricade and tells the crowd that it’s her house, but Charlotte spears her off. Charlotte rolls Paige back in the ring and locks in the Figure 8 to make Paige tap.

My Rating: ***

Match 5: Tyler Breeze def. Dolph Ziggler (6:41)

This was really an exhibition to just show off Tyler Breeze. Another decent little match here, but it doesn’t really go anywhere other than Breeze hurting Ziggler’s knee. Breeze at one point, throws Ziggler to the ropes and Ziggler bounces off them so hard, it’s a miracle he doesn’t get whiplash. Breeze wins by kicking Ziggler in the hurt knee and hitting an Unprettier to take the win. And then WWE lose interest in him.

My Rating: **3/4

Match 6: The Brothers of Destruction def. The Wyatt Family (Bray Wyatt & Luke Harper) (10:18)

I’m not angry by this. Just very disappointed. The Brothers of Destruction pretty much jabronied the entire Wyatt Family. This was to celebrate 25 Years of The Undertaker, so it was pretty obvious Taker and Kane were winning, but just imagine the heat The Wyatt’s could’ve gotten from beating The Undertaker on his 25th anniversary. Erick Rowan runs in before the match starts and gets immediately jabronied with a double Chokeslam. It was very obvious Kane and Taker were winning when it was Bray and Harper and not Braun Strowman. Strowman was being presented as a monster back then. They didn’t give a shit about Harper though. This match is basically a squash. There’s a couple moments when The Wyatts take control, but otherwise, it is all Brothers of Destruction. I get wanting to give Undertaker the win on his 25th anniversary, but imagine what it could’ve done for The Wyatts if they had won here. If they had at least looked strong in defeat, then this would be less irritating, but they don’t.

My Rating: **

Main Event: WWE World Heavyweight Championship Tournament Final Match - Roman Reigns def. Dean Ambrose (9:01)

Because this match was so short, they had the unenviable task of trying to squeeze 20 minutes into 9. But they do just that. They had such good chemistry that I can’t believe WWE never ran a real feud between these two. Roman hits a Spear, Dean kicks out. Dean hits Dirty Deeds, Roman kicks out. The two of them sit in the middle of the ring and punch each other back and forth. Dean runs at Roman from across the ring and Roman hits one more Spear to win the WWE Championship for the first time. Ambrose gives him a hug and a fist bump after the match to let him know there’s no hard feelings.

My Rating: ***1/2

Confetti rains from the ceiling and the pyro goes off as Roman celebrates. Until Triple H comes out and tries to shake Roman’s hand. Roman refuses and hits a Spear on Triple H. But he turns around into a Brogue Kick and Sheamus cashes in the briefcase.

Impromptu Main Event: WWE World Heavyweight Championship Match - Sheamus def. Roman Reigns (c) (0:34)

Sheamus and Triple H celebrate as Roman cries in the ring. And that’s how the show ends.

Cagematch Rating: 3.59

My Rating: 5/10

Now, I don’t think this show is offensively bad. I’ve definitely seen soooo much worse in this series so far. My biggest criticism on this show is that it’s painfully predictable. I could’ve seen that ending coming from 20 miles away. I knew Roman vs Dean would be the finals, that Roman would win and Sheamus would cash in. First of all, Dean Ambrose was the most over guy in the company at this time, and while the hate for Roman was pretty minimal for the moment, I don’t think there was anyone clamoring for him to win the title. However, there were a lot of people who wanted Dean to be the champion. Me being one of them. So not only does Roman win, but it’s like they wanted us to forget that Sheamus had the briefcase and for us to be like “I can’t believe that happened.” And everybody was like “Yeah, sounds about right.” I don’t think predictable is always a bad thing, but in this case, it is.

Next time, we’re going back to 2006, this time at the beginning of the year. Royal Rumble 2006.

 

[Chris]

I don't comment on every show but great work with this thread. Match reviews are to the point, easy ratings if I only have time to skim, fair criticisms too

 

[Jarf]

I don't comment on every show but great work with this thread. Match reviews are to the point, easy ratings if I only have time to skim, fair criticisms too

Thank you. I'm putting myself through hell with this series so I appreciate it. Haha

 

[Chris]

Thank you. I'm putting myself through hell with this series so I appreciate it. Haha

I once reviewed all the best and worst shows voted by the Observer up until 2016, you've hit a few of them already on the worst side lol

 

[Jarf]

Royal Rumble 2006

Match 1: Cruiserweight Championship 6-Pack Challenge - Gregory Helms def. Kid Kash (c), Funaki, Nunzio, Jamie Noble & Paul London (7:10)

A fast paced match to start this off. This was a nice opener where everyone is frantically trying to get a pin early. There’s a couple notable spots where Paul London hits a Shooting Star Press onto his opponents on the outside. Gregory Helms hits a swinging neckbreaker on London from the top rope. Jamie Noble gets Funaki in a Dragon Sleeper and Helms throws him out before hitting Funaki with the Shining Wizard to win the championship. Nothing special, but a good way to start.

My Rating: ***

Match 2: Singles Match with Trish Stratus as Special Referee - Mickie James def. Ashley (7:38)

This was the storyline where Mickie was Trish’s number one fan. She tells Trish that she loves her before the match. This is a typical divas match with a bit of a story in it. Ashley has the upper hand in the beginning of the match, until Trish has to pull her off Mickie, who takes advantage of the distraction. Mickie works over Ashley, until Ashley fights back. The finish is kinda disgusting. Ashley is giving Mickie the punches in the corner, and Trish is telling her to get down. Mickie grabs Ashley’s shorts and yanks her off for an awkward powerbomb where Ashley nearly lands on the back of her neck. Trish counts the pin, hesitating on the three.

My Rating: *1/2

Match 3: The Boogeyman def. JBL (1:45)

JBL basically throws Jillian, his manager at the Boogeyman and he practically pins her down and drops worms on her out of his mouth…. Yeah, it’s really gross. JBL beats on Boogeyman and nothing seems to effect the worm eater. At least it’s over quickly after a Pumphandle Slam.

My Rating: 1/2*

Match 4: Royal Rumble Match - Rey Mysterio won by last eliminating Randy Orton (1:02:28)

Putting this in the middle of the show, and not making it the main event was a mistake. There was no way you could have another match after this. Rey Mysterio dedicated this match to Eddie Guerrero, who sadly passed away 2 months earlier. Triple H and Rey Mysterio are numbers 1 and 2 and they are there for the entire match. I liked after number 10, Triple H was selling the exhaustion that comes from starting early. The match isn’t anything too exciting for the first 11 entrants, but after Chris Benoit comes in at number 12, boy things heat up quick. He lights up Triple H, Rey and Carlito up with chops and throws them around with German Suplexes and hits a diving headbutt on Triple H. From here, they kind of let the ring fill up. They run out of room quick. Then, Rob Van Dam makes his return after a year off from an injury and he goes wild on everyone in the ring. Chavo comes in at number 22 and pays tribute to Eddie with the three amigos. He goes for a Frog Splash as well, but Triple H spoils that by pushing off the top. Randy Orton is number 30 and the first person he goes after is Chris Benoit, and he gets a big elimination early. Shawn Michaels makes it the final 6, which brings out Vince McMahon, who has been feuding with Shawn lately. While Shawn is distracted, Shane McMahon sneaks up behind him and tosses him out. RVD eliminates Carlito next and the final 4 is Mysterio, Triple H, Orton & RVD. Rey and RVD form an alliance and work together, until Triple H crotches RVD on the top rope. Rey runs at HHH, who tosses Mysterio over himself and into RVD, making it an accidental elimination for Rey. HHH and Orton double team Rey for a short time, but they both want to win too, so they turn on each other. Mysterio eventually manages to eliminate HHH, who also lasted over an hour in this match. That fact sometimes get lost. Triple H, in a fit of rage, pulls Rey out from under the bottom ropes and throws him into the ring steps, before throwing him back in. Orton, calm and cocky and thinking he has this in the bag, tosses Rey over his shoulder. But Rey wakes up at the last second and hurricanranas Orton out of the ring to win the Royal Rumble! This crowd goes nuts for this! Not only did Rey win this match and make Eddie proud, he set a longevity record that wouldn’t be broken until the Greatest Royal Rumble by Daniel Bryan.

My Rating: ***1/4

Match 5: WWE Championship Match - John Cena def. Edge (c) (14:02)

So after that emotional Rumble match, they expect us to sit through 2 title matches. This match is hot off the heels of Edge winning the championship by being the first person to cash in Money in the Bank, where he beat Cena after a grueling Elimination Chamber Match. This match is pretty lame actually. It’s not terrible, but it’s your typical, average match with a simple story where the heel sits on the face forever, until the face makes a comeback and gets the win. Cena hits an FU and then locks in the STF to make Edge tap out. Let me put this into perspective. Edge won Money in the Bank on the same night Cena won the WWE Championship for the first time. They both held onto their prizes the for the same amount of time. Cena was the champion for most of 2005 and after Edge finally cashes in after waiting nearly a year, he loses it immediately to John Cena in his first defense. We’re very quickly approaching Super Cena years, people…

My Rating: **1/2

Main Event: World Heavyweight Championship Match - Kurt Angle (c) def. Mark Henry (7:00)

This was such a weird way to end the show, but after the match, it’s pretty clear why this match went last. Again, another match where Henry dominates Angle for a bit, it’s very boring. Henry wasn’t very good at this time. But Angle fights back into it, and manages to get the Ankle Lock on Henry, who pushes Angle off of him and taking out the referee, who was dealing with Daivari on the apron. Angle goes back to being a heel for a few minutes and grabs a chair while the ref is out. He nails Daivari in the head, before going in and hitting Henry with 2 disgusting shots to the head with the chair. Henry still kicks out after that, so Angle takes the pad off the turnbuckle, which Henry ends up hitting, allowing Angle to roll up the big man.

My Rating: *3/4

After this match, The Undertaker comes out lead his druids who all hold up torches. Undertaker shoots lightning out of this hands at the ring, which makes it implode with Angle in it. So this is the angle that’s the reason the Rumble didn’t go on last. They still could’ve had Taker come out though, they just couldn’t do that ring explosion spot, but where’s the loss there. I can’t complain about that ending too much because it leads to that amazing match between the two at No Way Out.

Cagematch Rating: 3.62

My Rating: 4/10

The one bright spot of this show is the Royal Rumble Match, but even that gets tough to watch at times because there’s long periods of nothing really happening. It has it’s moments and it has a great ending with a great winner, though. After that match, I do not care about this show and neither does this crowd. They are burnt out and they even chant boring during the main event, which I can’t really argue with.

Next show, we’re sticking with 2006. Cyber Sunday 2006.

 

[Jarf]

Cyber Sunday 2006

In case nobody remembers what gimmick Cyber Sunday was, that was a PPV where the fans could vote on what matches happen and stipulations and such.

Match 1: Umaga def. Kane (7:40)

For the first match, the people could vote on who Umaga would face between Kane, Chris Benoit and Sandman and Kane was the winner. This was actually decent. Every year, WWE has a monster heel they like to push and Umaga fit the bill perfectly. A lot of this is Umaga punishing Kane, which normally I would find boring, but since it’s somebody who you wouldn’t expect to get their ass kicked, it makes it a little more interesting. This made Umaga look good. Of course, it’s not entirely one sided, Kane gets back into it after Umaga attempts a Samoan Spike and Kane dodges, causing Umaga’s thumb to hit the ring post. Kane makes a mistake when he tries to go for a clothesline off the top rope and Umaga catches him in the throat, followed by a leaping Samoan Spike to put Kane down. Umaga’s undefeated streak remains intact.

My Rating: ***

Match 2: Fatal 4-Way Texas Tornado Tag Team Match - Cryme Tyme def. The Highlanders, Lance Cade & Trevor Murdoch & Viscera & Charlie Haas (4:17)

I was so confused when Haas and Viscera came out. WWE were creating random frankenstein tag teams even back then. For this match, the fans could vote for a normal Fatal 4-Way with tags, Tag Team Turmoil or Tornado Tag. They voted for Tornado Tag which was the right choice. This match was pretty chaotic. Since everyone was allowed in the ring at the same time, they just got all their shit in. Cryme Tyme steals the victory after Cade & Murdoch hit one of the Highlanders with their tag finish. Cryme Tyme goes out to Lawler and JR at commentary and Shad snatches Lawler’s laptop behind his back.

My Rating: **3/4

After this is one of the best backstage segments of all time. DX are standing backstage and HHH mentions that Eric Bischoff said Shawn knows nothing about controversy. This sets Shawn off who goes on a superkicking spree on anyone who happens to be in sight. One of these guys was named Stan, aka Tye Dillinger aka Shawn Spears. Shawn kicks him and says “See? I just kicked Stan!”

Match 3: Intercontinental Championship Match - Jeff Hardy (c) def. Carlito (14:25)

For this match, you could vote for who Jeff Hardy would defend against, Carlito, Shelton Benjamin or Johnny Nitro. A solid match between these two. They get sloppy a few times but for the most part, this match is decent. Carlito works over Hardy for a while, but Hardy kicks out so much that Carlito begins resorting to a more high flying style. Hardy makes two attempts at the Swanton Bomb, but both times are thwarted by Carlito. The second time, Carlito meets Hardy on the top rope and attempts a frankensteiner off the top, but Hardy holds onto the ropes and Carlito crashes to the mat, allowing Hardy to hit the Swanton to retain.

My Rating: ***1/4

Match 4: Tag Team Match with Eric Bischoff as Special Referee - Rated RKO def. D-Generation X (18:10)

Good match here, even if it does feel like it goes too long at times. For this match, the people could vote for who would be the guest referee, Eric Bischoff, Jonathan Coachman or Vince McMahon. Bischoff won because DX hasn’t been fucking with him all summer. Interesting use of Bischoff here, because he surprisingly calls it down the middle for the most part. Edge and Orton double team Shawn for a good portion of the match, but it gets turned around after Edge accidentally Spears Bischoff after Shawn moves out of the way. All 4 men continue going at it for a bit, until Triple H hits Orton with a Pedigree. Another referee runs down and counts, but he’s yanked out of the ring by Bischoff and knocked down. Shawn sees that and chases Bischoff around the ring but he runs right into a chairshot from Edge. Edge gets back in the ring and hits Triple H with the chair and then the game is hit with an RKO onto the chair for the Rated RKO to beat DX.

My Rating: ***1/2

Match 5: Women’s Championship Tournament Final Lumberjill Match - Lita def. Mickie James (8:10)

What’s funny here is that they bring every diva out to ringside before they announce what match it’s going to be. The choices are a Divas Lumberjack Match, No DQ Match or Submission Match. Gee, all these ladies are out here already, I wonder what’s gonna win. In a huge shocker, it’s a Divas Lumberjack Match! BAH GAWD! Anyway, this match is kinda sloppy at times. They were working a competent match for a bit but it doesn’t last that long. Jerry Lawler suggests on commentary that if Lita wins, there’s gonna be a celebration threesome with Rated RKO. He doesn’t say threesome but I thought it was funny how he just went right for it. Lita wins with a DDT that Mickie sells beautifully and she’s the new Women’s Champion.

My Rating: **

Match 6: World Tag Team Championship Match - Ric Flair & Roddy Piper def. The Spirit Squad (c) (7:10)

Here, people get to decide who Flair’s partner is gonna be between Piper, Dusty Rhodes or Sgt. Slaughter. So your choices were, old man past his prime, old man past his prime or old man past his prime. That may sound harsh but Piper was not in ring shape at all. Flair has Mikey in the Figure 4 and Piper slowly stops Kenny from breaking it up and Mikey taps out. The Spirit Squad rush the ring but Dusty and Slaughter get in to back up Flair and Piper. They would only be the champions for one night I think because they lose them to Rated RKO the next night.

My Rating: 1/2*

Main Event: World Heavyweight Championship Champion of Champions Match - King Booker (c) def. John Cena & Big Show (21:15)

Now, I’ll go on record to say that this was actually a cool idea. Cena was the WWE Champion, Booker was the World Champion, Big Show was the ECW Champion. They were all fighting here to see who was the Champion of Champions. And the fans decided whose title was on the line. But when you think about it, they were pretty much choosing who would win this match because there was no way a title change was happening. This match was actually alright, Big Show dominates the beginning of the match and Cena and Booker have to momentarily work together. Cena takes Big Show out on the outside and it’s just him and Booker for a good while, but Big Show eventually comes back in and quickly begins tossing around the smaller guys again. Cena is rolling for a while and he eventually gets Booker in the STF, but Kevin Federline comes in and hits Cena in the back with the World Championship. Cena chases Kevin out of the ring and Booker hits Cena with the title to retain. A decent match with an ending that I couldn’t care for.

My Rating: **3/4

Cagematch Rating: 3.64

My Rating: 5.5/10

I’d say this was the best show I’ve watched so far. It isn’t bad but it isn’t good either and definitely not worth spending PPV money over.

Next up is a famously boring show from 1985… The Wrestling Classic… Loud groan.