Reviewing every WWE PPV in order from worst to best

[Jarf]

I realize I'm setting myself up for one of the hardest things I'll ever try to do. But I just finished watching Super Showdown 2020 and you may be asking "why would you subject yourself to such a terrible show?" Because I'm making a challenge right now to watch every WWE PPV ever and then review them. But from worst to best, according to Cagematch. Super Showdown 2020 was at the bottom of the list and rightly so because Jesus christ that was awful. But without further ado, let's get on with the review

Super Showdown 2020

Match 1: Tuwaiq Trophy Gauntlet Match - The Undertaker def. AJ Styles, R-Truth, Erick Rowan, Andrade & Bobby Lashley (21:44)

This match was 21:44. And for about 15 of those minutes, I had to watch R-Truth get beat up and luck his way through this gauntlet. For whatever reason, WWE decided to pull a Kofi with R-Truth and beat Lashley, Andrade and Rowan. 2 problems with this. 1, it's in Saudi Arabia so nobody gives a shit. 2, like I said already, Truth lucked his way through all of them, with Rowan getting himself DQ'd cause he's a hothead moron. Then AJ Styles comes out and dances, mocking Truth for THREE MINUTES! AJ beats Truth with the calf crusher and Rey Mysterio is supposed to come out next, but he's attacked by Gallows and Anderson backstage and can't make it. So AJ is about to win by forfeit until that gong hits and Undertaker comes out and is just allowed to be in the match I guess. He beats AJ with a chokeslam without taking off his hat and coat. And this "prestigious trophy" that commentary reminds us of through this whole match, The Undertaker wins, and just leaves at ringside. So I'm 30 minutes into this show and I check how long this show is and realize I've made a huge mistake.

My Rating: 1/2*

Match 2: SmackDown Tag Team Championship Match - The Miz & John Morrison def. The New Day (c) (13:15)

This match was the best on the show, but still isn’t much to write home about. There was some nice stuff between Kofi and Morrison. There was a spot that made me cringe where Kofi tried to dive on Miz on the outside and landed back first on the floor. Miz and Morrison win via cheating after Morrison hits Kofi with a chair. Solid match, but nothing special. But like I said, still the match of the night, so if that doesn’t say something about how great this show was…

My Rating: ***

Match 3: Angel Garza def. Humberto Carrillo (9:05)

This match sounded pretty good on paper, but I don’t know. These two didn’t seem to really find their stride during this match. Some solid spots, but like the last one, nothing special.

My Rating: **1/2

Match 4: Raw Tag Team Championship Match - Seth Rollins & Murphy (c) def. The Street Profits (10:40)

Like the last match, this one sounded really good on paper. I have to say, it was really weird to see Seth Rollins in his “Monday Night Messiah” gimmick coming out to The Second Coming. This had to be before they switched themes because I don’t remember that at all. But anyway, let’s talk about this match. The first few minutes are Rollins and Murphy getting heat by isolating Montez. I’m already out of this match. Admittedly though, they do start to amp things up in the last couple of minutes. But that’s it. There is a spot where Dawkins pounces Murphy over the announcer’s table which was sweet as hell. There is another cool spot where Montez attempts to dive on Seth and Murphy on the outside, but they catch him and toss him into the barricade. The ending is Rollins, the illegal man, curb stomping Angelo on THE HARDEST PART OF THE RING, MAH GAWD! And Murphy pins Dawkins to retain.

My Rating: **3/4

Match 5: Mansoor def. Dolph Ziggler (9:20)

Yet another match that never really gets the gears going. This match is mostly Dolph beating up Mansoor and taunting like it’s a 2K game. Mansoor fights back and wins with a DANGEROUS moonsault where his knees hit Dolph’s midsection. Another average match with nothing really to note.

My Rating: **1/4

Match 6: WWE Championship Match - Brock Lesnar (c) def. Ricochet (1:30)

Okay. Now we get to the first thing that pissed me off on this show. The first match was more annoying than anything, but this. Oh this was insulting. At this point, I was pretty sick of Brock Lesnar, but everyone knew Ricochet was losing. Nobody thought Brock was gonna lose the title before WrestleMania. BUT, they played a video package before this match. And it was actually a pretty great video package too. The story going into this was that no one believed Ricochet could beat Brock. So the story should’ve been obvious. Some of Brock’s best matches are against guys smaller than him. Eddie Guerrero, CM Punk, AJ Styles, Daniel Bryan. As much as I’m not a fan of Brock’s, he is great at making smaller guys look great. So this match had the potential to be incredible. The ring bells and Ricochet gets brutalized. Doesn’t even get a single move in. I believe the word “buried” gets overused by wrestling fans. Not so much in this case. This was a fucking burial. Ricochet has never recovered from this.

My Rating: DUD!

Match 7: Steel Cage Match - Roman Reigns def. King Corbin (12:50)

If I’m not mistaken, this was Roman’s final match before he left and returned to become the tribal chief. How fitting that the worst version of Roman goes out on a stinker. This match was nearly 13 minutes and I could not tell you anything that happened apart from the finish which was Roman hitting Corbin with a superman punch with a chain around his fist, and the other is when they’re both at the top of the cage and hitting each other. That’s it. I was so checked out during this match because it was so boring and nothing happens. This just might be the most boring Steel Cage Match I’ve ever seen.

My Rating: **

Match 8: SmackDown Women’s Championship Match - Bayley (c) def. Naomi (11:30)

These two were wrestling in t-shirts and I was confused by why until I remembered. Oh yeah… Saudi show… (sigh) Another match that doesn’t really go anywhere and one where I can’t remember anything that happens apart from the finish, which I’ll admit, was kinda neat. Even though the reason they were wearing t-shirts was crap, they turned it into chicken salad. Bayley trapped Naomi’s own feet in her t-shirt, trapping her and hit the rose plant for the win.

My Rating: **1/2

Main Event: Universal Championship Match - Goldberg def. “The Fiend” Bray Wyatt (c) (2:59)

I’ll start by saying this. I don’t care what anyone says. I don’t care how crap his booking became. The Fiend was the coolest thing to pop up in WWE in the last 10 years. It was interesting and it was different. And it’s part of the reason why I’ve grown to hate Vince McMahon over the years. How he takes something that you love and turns it into shit. I remember reading the results to this show, and I remember being baffled by the fact that this company will just go against whatever the fans want. Goldberg hits some spears, The Fiend temporarily pops up and puts on the Mandible Claw. Goldberg counters and hits the second worst jackhammer of all time to beat the supposedly indestructible Fiend. Now much like Brock vs Ricochet, this was insulting, but for a different reason. First of all, WWE told us for months that The Fiend was this indestructible monster and that he couldn’t be put down. And here he was being put down in 3 minutes. Second of all, once again, one of our favorites, quite possibly the most over guy in the company at the time was being jobbed out to someone who we didn’t want to see holding the title. I was so angry at the time. Now it just annoys me. I was annoyed before the match started because I knew what was about to happen.

My Rating: DUD!!!

Cagematch Rating: 0.69

My Rating: 1.5/10

I couldn’t tell you how relieved I was after this show was over. But then I saw what the next show I’d have to watch was. Crown Jewel 2018. Another Saudi show… (Laughs nervously)

 

[Jarf]

Crown Jewel 2018

Match 1: World Cup Tournament Round One Match - Rey Mysterio def. Randy Orton (5:30)

I wanna point out before I talk about this match. This was a “World Cup” tournament, but only one participant was non-american… hmmm. Anyway, this was a pretty decent match for only being 5 ½ minutes long. They started quick and tried to pack 10 minutes into that time and weirdly enough, it sorta worked. Not a spectacular match but a decent, average match. Much better than that gauntlet match which opened up the first show I watched. Rey wins with a lucky pin and Orton beats him up after the match, ensuring Rey will be wounded going to the semi-finals.

My Rating: **3/4

Match 2: World Cup Tournament Round One Match - The Miz def. Jeff Hardy (7:05)

An average match here. Not good, not bad. Just meh. These two didn’t really have chemistry which is fine. Miz gets heat on Hardy for a few minutes, before Hardy begins a comeback. Miz reverses a Twist of Fate into a Skull Crushing Finale to advance to the semi-finals against Rey.

My Rating: **1/2

Match 3: World Cup Tournament Round One Match - Seth Rollins def. Bobby Lashley (5:30)

Once again, pretty average match where Lashley tosses around Rollins for 3 minutes. Rollins hurts his neck in this match and that becomes important later. This match only gets going in the last minute of the match which isn’t enough time to do anything great. Seth beats Lashley after a Curb Stomp.

My Rating: **1/2

Match 4: World Cup Tournament Round One Match - Dolph Ziggler def. Kurt Angle (8:10)

You know what, this match was alright. I’m sure it would’ve been a lot better if Kurt was in his prime, because this match wasn’t bad at all. Kurt was still a decent worker even at 50. At some point, Angle gets Ziggler in an ankle lock, injuring Dolph’s ankle which will not be so important later. Ziggler wins after a Zig Zag and truthfully, I was a little disappointed by this outcome. If there was anyone who could’ve carried Kurt to a great match at this point, it was Seth Rollins. So I was a little upset we weren’t getting that match. Plus, Rollins and Ziggler wrestled each other about 50 thousand times over the summer and I was pretty sick of seeing that match. But watching this match now, I can see it from a different perspective. But still… Rollins vs Angle would’ve been nice to see at least once. But that’s a minor complaint, not a big deal.

My Rating: ***

Match 5: SmackDown Tag Team Championship Match - The Bar (c) def. The New Day (Kofi & Big E.) (10:30)

This was during the run of the very short lived trio of Cesaro, Sheamus and Big Show. This match was pretty good actually. Nice tag team action here. The Bar isolate Kofi for a few minutes but unlike the tag matches on the last show, they made it not boring. Eventually, Big E. gets the tag and the match gets better from there. The ending spot was Big Show hitting the weakest punch on Big E. while the ref was temporarily down followed by a Brogue Kick from Sheamus and The Bar retain the tag team titles. Pretty good match.

My Rating: ***1/4

Match 6: World Cup Tournament Semi-Final Match - The Miz def. Rey Mysterio (11:15)

A decently pased match where The Miz works over the ribs that was damaged by Orton earlier in the night. But Rey is able to keep Miz on his toes throughout the match. Miz hits a skull crushing finale which I thought was gonna end it, but Rey somehow kicked out. Yeah, I know Rey was looking at the ref but his eyes looked glazed over enough for me to believe it. Rey tries the same pin that he beat Orton with earlier on Miz, except they mess it up and Miz has to kinda fall into it. Miz wins with a small package to advance to the finals.

My Rating: ***

Match 7: World Cup Tournament Semi-Final Match - Dolph Ziggler def. Seth Rollins (13:05)

Now at this point in 2018, I was pretty sick of seeing this match, but watching it now, I can watch it where it feels fresh so I’m not as against it. Dolph starts a strategy, targeting Seth’s neck which was hurt in the match with Lashley. My one complaint about this match is that Seth only went after Dolph’s ankle once when the match started and then it wasn’t important the rest of the match. But that’s a minor thing I’m willing to look past. Pretty good match, almost the match of the night. Seth and Dolph had decent chemistry. Rollins tries to provoke Drew McIntyre (who was out with Ziggler) at ringside into hitting him, and it came back to bite him later because Drew ended up throwing Seth off the top rope while the refs back was turned. Which really should’ve been a sign to the ref that Drew did something behind his back but whatever. Dolph beats Seth with a superkick. This was a pretty shocking result, because that meant the finals was gonna be a heel vs a heel. Oh, if only we knew what WWE had in store for us…

My Rating: ***1/2

Match 8: WWE Championship Match - AJ Styles (c) def. Samoa Joe (11:15)

I will start by saying that there is no kayfabe reason Samoa Joe should’ve been in this match. These 2 had been feuding for 3 months and in every match, Joe failed to beat AJ for the title. I know the original match was supposed to be AJ vs. Daniel Bryan, and Joe was a last minute replacement, but still. I can’t complain too much though because these two had good chemistry. They always have and they delivered a good match. Not a great one, but a good one. Joe apparently went into this match with a bad knee and AJ makes sure to target that. Of course, it wouldn’t be Samoa Joe if he didn’t kick a little ass. He got his licks in as well and eventually locked in the Coquina Clutch. But AJ reaches down and bends Joe’s knee, forcing Joe to release his grip. Great and smart psychology there. AJ wins after a Phenomenal Forearm, proving once again, that Samoa Joe had no business being in another title match. I would still say this was the best match of the night.

My Rating: ***1/2

Match 9: Singles Match for the vacant Universal Championship - Brock Lesnar def. Braun Strowman (3:15)

Now, the first 3 quarters of this show was actually decent. I wouldn’t say it was a good show or PPV worthy, but it was watchable. From here on out, everything on this show is complete and utter shit. I mentioned before how I’m not a fan of Brock Lesnar’s and his first Universal Championship reign is part of the reason why. From WrestleMania 33 in 2017 to SummerSlam 2018, Brock held that title hostage and defended it in some of the laziest matches I’ve ever seen. I was elated when it was taken off him. Even if it was someone else I didn’t want the title on. Well, Roman unfortunately had to vacate the Universal Championship because of a cancer scare. I may have not liked him as a character at this time, but I never would’ve wished cancer on the man. But this was their chance to give Braun the run that he honestly should’ve gotten sooner. This was their chance to put the belt on someone who the fans were behind. And what did they do. The Universal Title was right back in the hands of Brock Lesnar. They at least tried to protect Braun by having him kick out of 3 F5s. But by that point, the damage was done. If Braun was ever gonna be the champion, nobody was gonna care and I was proven right when he finally did and once again, the title was back on someone who shouldn’t have had it. Oh I was furious.

My Rating: *

Match 10: World Cup Tournament Finals Match - Shane McMahon def. Dolph Ziggler (2:30)

Now, let’s talk about this fucking match. Believe it or not, I was actually intrigued by Miz and Ziggler being the finals. Heel vs. Heel matches were a rarity and I knew from their 2016 feud, they had good chemistry. I was interested in seeing how this match was gonna play out. Well, sadly, WWE was planting the seeds for one of the most worst heel runs of the modern era. Miz gets kayfabe injured before the match even starts by jumping off the apron. He’s taken out and carried to the back by two referees. But our hero, Shane McMahon steps up and takes his place. Shane beats Ziggler in 2 ½ minutes and is declared… “the best in the world.” And he celebrates like he didn’t just insert himself in at the finals. Now I am not stupid. I know this was done to get heat on Shane and get sympathy for The Miz. I’ll give them credit and say they were successful in that respect. The problem is, after Shane turned heel, it quickly turned into “go away” heat as opposed to proper heel heat.

My Rating: DUD

Main Event: D-Generation X def. The Brothers of Destruction (27:45)

I’ll start this review with a hot take. This match is not as bad as people say it is. With that being said, it is still bad. It is very painful and very sad to watch at times. I believe if they had shaved off about 15 minutes of this match. It wouldn’t be looked back on as badly as it is. But god dammit, 27 minutes of one of the saddest matches ever. First the positives, even in their 50s, Shawn and Undertaker’s chemistry shined through even if it was just a little bit. Now, the negatives, starting with Triple H getting hurt in the first 5 minutes. His right arm is basically rendered useless for the rest of match and it makes the Pedigrees he hits later look weak and ineffective because he can’t hook the arms. They mess up spots. It’s very sloppy and very slow. Most of this match is Kane and Undertaker isolating Shawn Michaels because Triple H is hurt and basically MIA for most of the match. It’s very sad to watch. I also have to say, I’m very disappointed in Shawn Michaels. He was one of the few people who got to have a perfect retirement match. He got to go out on his own terms. And he tarnished it to come back and do this match that is better left not remembering. If Shawn had to come back and do one more match, why couldn’t it be against AJ Styles. A match people actually wanted to see. I would much rather see a match where AJ has to carry Shawn to a great match than a match between 4 guys who can’t go anymore. I will give them credit, all 4 of them wanted this match to be good, but that’s part of what’s sad about it. Three things were sacrificed in this match, Triple H’s pec. Shawn’s integrity and Undertaker’s dignity.

My Rating: 1/2*

Cagematch Rating: 0.96

My Rating: 2.5/10

A better show than Super Showdown. Like I said, the first 3 quarters of this show was watchable. But the last three matches really made me wish I had stopped watching after Joe and AJ and they really bring the show down. Unfortunately, the saga of terribly booked tournaments continues as the next PPV to review will be… King of the Ring 1995… the dark times.

 

[Jarf]

King of the Ring 1995

Mother of fuck, this show was really bad.

Match 1: King of the Ring Round One Match - Savio Vega def. Yokozuna via countout (8:24)

So Savio Vega beat I.R.S. literally a few minutes before this match, before the show started to air to qualify for this tournament, and that’s the story for Savio throughout the night. Very boring opener, Yokozuna sits on Savio for ages, before Savio begins a comeback and hits the spinning wheel kick knocking Yokozuna down. Owen Hart, who was Yoko’s tag team partner at this time, came out to attack Razor Ramon, who was in Savio’s corner. This brings both Savio and Yoko outside where Yoko runs into the ring post accidentally and gets counted out. Savio advances.

My Rating: *1/4

Match 2: King of the Ring Round One Match - The Roadie def. Bob Holly (7:30)

It is so uncanny to see Bob Holly coming to the ring slapping hands with the fans and smiling. It just doesn’t feel right. For those who don’t know. The Roadie is Road Dogg and he was… well a roadie for Jeff Jarrett who was out at ringside with him. Again, another boring match where The Roadie taunts and sits on Holly forever. Holly gets a small comeback in but it’s short lived and the Roadie takes the win.

My Rating: **

Match 3: King of the Ring Round One Match - Shawn Michaels vs. Kama ended in a time limit draw (15:00)

You know a show is in trouble when Shawn Michaels can’t even have a good match. Seriously, this match was given 15 minutes. It went to a draw and it was average as hell. There is no reason a match with Shawn Michaels that goes 15 minutes shouldn’t be good but it just… wasn’t. Kama was definitely the wrong guy to be in there with Shawn. The last 2 minutes of this match doesn’t make any sense to me either, at 13 minutes, the announcer says that there’s 2 minutes remaining in the match. So you would expect someone with a lightning quick finisher like what Shawn Michaels had would be able to finish it. Shawn doesn’t even attempt a superkick, instead, he dicks around with Kama for the last 2 minutes. Even bothering to give him the 10 punches in the corner instead of trying to end it quickly. Absolutely awful booking. Made Shawn look like a complete idiot.

My Rating: **1/2

Match 4: King of the Ring Round One Match - Mabel def. The Undertaker (10:44)

Oh god, this was so dull. Undertaker in the early years of his career was cursed with having to wrestle big guys who just could not go in the ring. Add Mabel to that list here. This was just Mabel dominating Taker for most of the match. Was very slow, very dull. Undertaker does hit a chokeslam on Mabel, but the referee is down. So Kama runs in and kicks Taker, allowing Mabel to drop an elbow on the deadman and advance to the finals since the last match ended in a draw.

My Rating: DUD

Match 5: King of the Ring Semi-Final Match - Savio Vega def. The Roadie (6:36)

Another unexceptional match. Nothing really of note to talk about here. I can’t remember anything except for the finish and I watched this show only 2 hours ago. I’d say slightly better than the Bob Holly match earlier only due to the fact that The Roadie doesn’t taunt every 30 seconds.

My Rating: **

Match 6: Kiss My Foot Match - Bret Hart def. Jerry Lawler (9:20)

Here comes Bret Hart to save the show… is probably what most people thought when watching this. Sadly, much like Shawn Michaels earlier, it was just average. And when Bret Hart can’t even have a good match, the show can’t be saved. The thing I hated about this match is the endless taunting from Lawler. I never realized how much I hated that until I started this series. Seriously, Lawler hits 3 piledrivers on Bret and taunts to the crowd. That takes 2 minutes. And if it wasn’t I’ll be very surprised ‘cause it sure felt like it. Obviously Bret Hart fights back into it and the match starts to get better. But the match is over in a matter of minutes after that. Bret puts Lawler in the sharpshooter and forces him to tap, which we don’t even see because the camera guy zoomed out for some reason. After the match, Bret forces his toes into Lawler’s mouth and then makes Lawler kiss his own foot.

My Rating: **1/4

Match 7: King of the Ring Final Match - Mabel def. Savio Vega (8:32)

Holy shit, I thought the match with Undertaker was bad. This was somehow even worse. Mabel just bear hugs Savio for a fucking eternity and then hits the big splash and it’s over. And Mabel is crowned the King of the Ring… Why? Why did they choose this guy? In a tournament that had Shawn Michaels and The Undertaker in it, Mabel won. The coronation takes forever because Mo appears to struggle reading whatever is on the scroll he’s holding in front of his while Mabel sits there holding a sword and breathing heavy. Man, how did the WWF look at this show and think “These are all great ideas.” Something fun did happen during this match though, the audience apparently over this shit, starting chanting “EC-Dub”. And Vince on commentary apparently not understanding them, said “listen to this.” Before he, I’m assuming got what they were saying and quickly shut up.

My Rating: DUD

Main Event: Diesel & Bam Bam Bigelow def. Sid & Tatanka (17:35)

Mercifully, we get to the main event. This show is almost over. And what a way to go out. This was incredibly dull. Diesel goes into this match with a hurt elbow, and Sid and Tatanka immediately start going after that. Okay, not a bad start so far. Diesel tags in Bam Bam and he gets isolated for like 10 minutes before Diesel gets back in. Diesel hits an elbow drop on Sid with the bad elbow and immediately tags Bam Bam, who just got out. This match ends with Diesel hitting Tatanka with a Jackknife. And he goes to pin him, but he lifts Tatanka off the mat and points at Sid. He wants Sid! So what happens next? Sid gets off the apron… AND JUST LEAVES! HUH?! You’re telling me that Sid, a 6’9”, jacked up maniac is gonna run away from Diesel. I know Kevin is a big dude, but… IT’S SID!!! It makes even less sense because up until this point, Sid and Tatanka have been in control of most of this match. Diesel is hurt, Bam Bam is worn down, the advantage is in their favor. And Sid just leaves Tatanka to the wolves. Absolutely nonsensical booking.

My Rating: *1/2

Cagematch Rating: 1.27

My Rating: 1/10

Jesus christ, this show was god awful. I’ve heard that this show was terrible, but this was beyond my expectations of how bad. This was even worse than Super Showdown. That show at least had 2 good tag team title matches on it. I had no fun whatsoever with this show. The best thing that happened was the crowd chanting EC-Dub. 1995 is widely considered as the worst year in WWE history and this show is a prime example of why. Awful booking mixed with awful characters. Out of the three shows I’ve watched so far, this deserves to be at the bottom. God, why did I think taking this challenge was a good idea. Anyway, join me next time as I review… Super Showdown 2019… Back to Saudi…. Hoorayyyyyyy.

 

[Jarf]

Super Showdown 2019

It was 109 degrees where they were at for this show. So everyone came out already sweating like crazy. This had to be such a nightmare show to work.

Match 1: Universal Championship Match - Seth Rollins (c) def. Baron Corbin (11:15)

Pretty average opener to start the show. Corbin dominates and gets heat on Rollins for a while before Rollins starts his comeback and the match gets better from there. Eventually, Corbin gets so fed up with Seth kicking out, he screams at the referee repeatedly, until the ref has enough and starts yelling back. Seth rolls up Corbin from behind to get the win. Now going into this match, Seth had taped ribs from an attack by Brock Lesnar, who had the MITB briefcase at this time. Now explain to me how this makes sense. Brock had the chance to cash in on Raw and take the title from Seth there. Instead, he chooses to wait until this night, where he would have to fly halfway around the world just to cash in here. But anyway, the cash-in doesn’t happen because Heyman drops the briefcase and Seth low blows Brock before repeatedly hitting him with a chair. Seth escapes with his championship.

My Rating: **1/2

Match 2: Intercontinental Championship Match - Finn Balor (c) def. Andrade (11:35)

Really good match here. Best match of the night actually. Finn came out as the demon for this match, which is really disappointing, because after Finn went to the main roster, the demon became more of an attraction as opposed to something he would have to tap into to win. But, kudos to them, they treated Andrade like a legitimate threat to Finn’s title and said “Finn bringing out the demon shows the respect he has for Andrade.” These two came out here and put on a show. A very nice back and forth match between these two despite the intense heat. Finn wins with a Coup de Grace to retain the title.

My Rating: ***1/2

Match 3: Shane McMahon def. Roman Reigns (9:15)

The worst Shane McMahon vs the worst Roman Reigns. This match suuuuucked. Shane was in control for a good portion of this match and it never gets going. I couldn’t believe this match was only 9 minutes because it felt like 20. Side note, Drew McIntyre was out here as Shane’s bodyguard, which makes it kinda hard to believe he would be the WWE Champion a year later. Shane wins after the referee gets knocked down and Drew interferes, hitting Roman with a Claymore and allowing Shane to pin him, which is sadly, probably the closest Drew will come to ever beating Roman.

My Rating: *1/2

Match 4: 3-on-1 Handicap Match - Lars Sullivan def. Lucha House Party via DQ (5:15)

Remember when Lars Sullivan was gonna be a big deal. That feels like a million years ago. Anyway, The story in this match is pretty much the story of the big bad wolf and the three little pigs. The wolf throws the pigs around until the pigs say “fuck it” and gang up on the wolf, and the referee says, hey, you can’t do that and DQ’s the pigs. The wolf still gets his heat as he eats the pigs for breakfast.

My Rating: *1/2

Match 5: Randy Orton def. Triple H (25:45)

It’s kinda sad that this is Triple H’s last televised match. Because first of all, it was kinda boring and second, it was in Saudi Arabia. But at least it was against a guy who it would’ve been fitting to go out on. It was about as fast paced as you can expect an Orton match to be. So not at all. It also doesn’t help that it a million degrees and that was probably a factor in this match too. You can see Triple H’s face at one point and it’s like he’s saying “it’s so fucking hot” with his eyes. Another problem with this match is that it was almost half an hour. Good lord, this match just went on and on and on. I did like the spot towards the end where Triple H takes a page out of Orton’s playbook and drops him repeatedly on the announcer’s table. Triple H throws Orton back in the ring and is hit with an RKO for Orton to take the win.

My Rating: **1/2

Match 6: Braun Strowman def. Bobby Lashley (8:20)

BIG MEATY MEN SLAPPING MEAT! Anyway, pretty typical big man match where they hit their spots, they get their shit in and then they go home. Nothing really special to talk about except for the fact that Braun was sweating profusely.

My Rating: **1/4

Match 7: WWE Championship Match - Kofi Kingston (c) def. Dolph Ziggler (10:15)

I remember seeing this feud and thinking how crazy it was that these two were in a feud for the WWE Title. It brought back flashbacks to the early 2010s where it felt like they were wrestling each other on TV every other week. Anyway, another average match with nothing really to talk about. Ziggler works over Kofi until Kofi begins the comeback. The finish comes after Xavier Woods checks on Kofi at ringside, and Dolph superkicks him for it. Ziggler tosses Kofi back in the ring. The ref’s back gets turned and Xavier kicks Ziggler in retaliation for the superkick, causing Dolph to stumble back into a Trouble in Paradise and Kofi retains.

My Rating: **1/2

Match 8: 50-Man Battle Royal - Mansoor won by last eliminating Elias (18:00)

I feel so bad for everyone who was in this match. It is too damn hot to be this close to each other in such a confined space. Fun fact, EC3 was the first man eliminated. There are so many eliminations at the start that it’s hard to keep count. The final 6 come down to Mansoor, Mustafa Ali, Ricochet, Samoa Joe, Elias & Cesaro. Ali and Ricochet do some nice high flying double teaming to Cesaro, before Samoa Joe gets their attention. Ali and Ricochet work together to eliminate Joe, then Cesaro eliminates them both, before Cesaro is then eliminated by Mansoor. And I just wanna know, what would’ve happened if Elias had won this match. Because this audience was cheering for their hometown guy, which is okay, but it’s also Saudi Arabia. Thankfully we didn’t need to worry about that because Mansoor backdrops Elias out of the ring for the win.

My Rating: **3/4

Main Event: The Undertaker def. Goldberg (8:35)

The streak of bad Undertaker matches continues, and this one was the most painful and scariest to watch. For those who have never seen this match, Goldberg gets concussed by hitting the ring post, and he’s busted open. When he gets back up, he’s stumbling really badly. It was at this point where they should’ve taken it home. Hit the chokeslam or something and end it. But Taker hits the chokeslam and Goldberg kicks out… and it only gets worse. Undertaker picks Goldberg up for the Tombstone… and Goldberg gets spiked on his fucking dome and yet he still kicks out. It’s at this point where I’m begging them to stop. But nah, they keep going. Goldberg picks Taker up for the Jackhammer and nearly drops Taker on the back of his neck. Remember when I said Goldberg hit the second worst Jackhammer on the Fiend. This was the worst. Nearly crippled the man. Undertaker once again tries to hit the Tombstone, but they fall over, so Taker says fuck it and hits the weakest chokeslam on Goldberg to get the win. And the camera man gets a real good shot at Taker’s face and it is just the most upset look I’ve ever seen on the man. I knew before this show, that this match was more than likely gonna be shit, but this was a disaster.

My Rating: DUD

Cagematch Rating: 1.52

My Rating 2/10

A very boring show. The one good thing about this show was Finn Balor vs. Andrade. Other than that, there is nothing worth seeking on this show. I’d put this show above Super Showdown 2020, but slightly below Crown Jewel 2018. The booking towards the end of Crown Jewel was infuriating, but the matches on this show were much more uneventful. And yeah, that main event of Crown Jewel was terrible, but I was never afraid for someone’s life during that match, unlike the main event here, where one of them could be dead if they had made a slightly bigger oopsy.

Now I got good news and I have bad news. The good news is that the next show isn’t a Saudi show. The bad news is that it’s December to Dismember 2006… Wish me luck.

 

[Jarf]

December to Dismember 2006

I think I may have found the worst PPV people.

Match 1: The Hardy Boyz def. MNM (22:36)

This show peaks early because this match was pretty damn good. MNM spend some time isolating Matt from Jeff, and Matt makes the hot tag. Then Jeff gets in and starts a comeback, until he’s taken down by MNM and now he’s the one getting isolated. Eventually Jeff tags Matt back in the match gets better from there. From there, it’s full steam ahead between these teams. Both showed amazing teamwork in this match. There is a spot where Matt props Nitro onto Jeff’s shoulders on the turnbuckle, but Mercury makes the save, allowing Nitro to counter Jeff with a Frankensteiner. The match ends with double cutter from Matt to Nitro and Mercury, followed by a Swanton onto both men stacked onto each other. Nice opener to start the show… and that’s where my praise for this show officially ends. One annoying thing about this match wasn’t the fault of anyone in the match. Tazz would not shut up about how hot Melina is. Yes, we get it. Melina’s real fuckable. Just stop talking please.

My Rating: ***1/2

Match 2: Striker’s Rules Match - Balls Mahoney def. Matt Striker (7:24)

Now onto one of the most annoying themes of this show. For every match from now on, there is a promo. Somebody in the match has to cut a fucking promo like it’s a TV episode or something instead of a PPV. Here, Striker has the referee enforce some rules of his own, including no hair pulling (where’s the fun in that though), and no top rope moves. And the referee, for some reason obliges by Striker’s rules even though he has no authority whatsoever. Pretty boring match where Striker works over Balls’ arm. I honestly couldn’t tell you what the finish was, I was just glad it was over.

My Rating: *1/4

There’s a backstage segment after this match where some guys find Sabu, who is supposed to be in the main event by the way, laid out, unconscious. I have seen Sabu tape up his arm after having it ripped open with his muscle visible hanging out and continue the match. I don’t care what they did to him offscreen, you cannot tell me that anything would’ve kept him away from that Chamber Match. But whatever.

Match 3: Elijah Burke & Sylvester Turkay def. The FBI (6:42)

Burke and Turkay come out first and Burke cuts a really bad promo. This match wasn’t so bad actually, but it definitely wasn’t good either. Little Guido did a really good job at selling in this match and trying to make Burke and Turkay look like a million bucks. But it was still just a nothing match. Nothing to really get excited about.

My Rating: **1/4

Match 4: Daivari def. Tommy Dreamer (7:23)

Khali comes out with Daivari, but he quickly gets ejected to the back by the referee after pulling the top rope on Dreamer while he’s running on it. Daivari just puts rest holds on Dreamer the whole match, Dreamer gets a brief comeback in before Daivari rolls up Dreamer and grabs the tights to win via cheating. That bastard! Daivari goes to the back and Dreamer chases him. But he comes back out a moment later with Khali’s hands on his throat. Khali picks him up and chokeslams him on the stage. Ah, classic Tommy, getting his ass kicked and getting cheered for it.

My Rating: *

So after this match, there’s another backstage segment, with Paul Heyman and Hardcore Holly, who isn’t even booked on the show and is already in his gear, so why is he even there is what I’m thinking here. I know why he’s there in kayfabe. He was obviously the guy who took out Sabu. And WWE did not even try to hide it.

Match 5: Mixed Tag Team Match - Kevin Thorn & Ariel def. Mike Knox & Kelly Kelly (7:44)

Kelly Kelly gets on the mic and wishes CM Punk luck in the Elimination Chamber because she wants to suck him off. Mike Knox, her boyfriend doesn’t like this, and then two weirdos make their entrance, Kevin Thorn and Ariel who are vampires I guess. So Knox and Thorn are working and Ariel is just shouting the whole time and it gets on my nerves very quickly. Eventually, Ariel is tagged in, which means Kelly Kelly has to come in. And this is apparently her first match because commentary are surprised to see her wrestle… well I don’t know if wrestle is the right word. Ariel dominates Kelly with some of the weakest punches and elbows. Kelly reaches for Knox, who gets off the apron and walks away. That son of a bitch! How dare he leave his girlfriend who doesn’t hide the fact she’s trying to fuck another guy! Ariel pins Kelly Kelly by putting her ass in her face or something. She continues attacking her after the match, and who would make the save. Is it CM Punk? No, it’s The Sandman of course! Not that I’m complaining, because Punk has much better shit to do than this storyline.

My Rating: DUD

Now before the main event, they pretty much tell us “Hey, Bobby Lashley is winning this match.” Lashley has a backstage interview where they play a video of Lashley and Big Show having a match on ECW, before Lashley is ganged up on by the Heyman clan or whatever the hell they called themselves. Lashley is laid out by them in hopes of getting people to say “man, I sure hope Lashley gets his revenge.” It didn’t work.

Main Event: ECW Championship Extreme Elimination Chamber Match - Bobby Lashley def. Big Show (c), CM Punk, Rob Van Dam, Test & Hardcore Holly (24:44)

Paul Heyman cuts a promo before this match because of course, we can’t have a PPV without a promo. CM Punk comes out and gets a huge ovation from the crowd. It sure would suck if he was the first guy eliminated… Anyway, the match starts with RVD and Holly, and there’s nothing really of note to say here. Punk is the first guy to be let out of a pod, and he brings a chair with him. He throws it at Holly’s head and hits Van Dam with a springboard clothesline. Punk injecting some life into this match. Punk and RVD do a really cool callback spot to Rob’s matches with Jerry Lynn. The whole legdrop on the chair spot. Test is out next and he brings a crowbar into the match, and tries to murder Punk and RVD with it. Punk is eliminated first by the way and the crowd is not happy about that. Test big boots Holly, and pins him 1, 2… not three but Holly’s eliminated anyway? Now it’s just Test and Van Dam in the ring. RVD goes for a Five Star from the top of Big Show’s pod. The big man reaches up and grabs Rob’s foot. Test goes up, hits him with the chair twice and throws him back to the ring by the hair. Then Test eliminates RVD and the crowd begins to chant “this is bullshit.” And they’re right. Then when it’s time for Lashley to come out, the security guards, hold the door closed so Lashley can’t get out… Also ensuring that he will remain in the match and can’t be eliminated. I’m assuming this is to keep him in there until Big Show gets out but that doesn’t make it better. Lashley escapes because the weapon in his pod happens to be a table, which he uses to bust open the top of his pod, so he could climb out and beat the shit out of Test. Lashley takes Test out before Big Show can enter. So now, it’s down to Lashley and Big Show. Lashley makes Big Show bleed and basically beats the shit out of him before hitting the spear for the win. Lashley wins, as everyone wanted…

My Rating: *1/2

Cagematch Rating: 1.53

My Rating: 1/10

This is the worst show I’ve watched so far. Yes, even worse than that King of the Ring I watched. Sure this show had the Hardyz/MNM, but let me explain why I have this as the worst. I am 100% sure that this show was booked terribly on purpose. People bought this show. People paid tickets to see this show. And I honestly think Vince booked this show to be as bad as he could make it. This show is annoying on so many different levels. Starting with the obvious fact that WWE did what they do best, which is tell us what we want. The only person who wanted Lashley to win the ECW Championship was Vince McMahon. And the one good thing on this show was a tag team match between 4 guys who weren’t even on ECW. This show was a blatant middle finger to ECW fans and to Paul Heyman. This is a classic case of Vince fucking up and saying “I gave you what you wanted.” “I brought ECW back. What do you want from me?” As an event, I would still say King of the Ring is a worse show, but the fact that Vince booked this show badly on purpose when there were people who paid money to watch this show automatically makes it the worst and I don’t see anything from here on out, beating it.

Oh my god, I can’t believe I’ve made it 5 shows into this series. Join me next time for my review of Fastlane 2017.

 

[Jarf]

In case anyone is wondering, no I will not be reviewing Over the Edge 1999, as I feel like it would be in poor taste to do so.

 

[Jarf]

Fastlane 2017

Match 1: Samoa Joe def. Sami Zayn (9:45)

I remember being very excited about this match going into this show. I thought this was gonna steal the show easily. A solid opener but nothing spectacular. I will say, this made Samoa Joe look like a beast. If you want to make someone look good, have them beat up Sami Zayn. Joe dominated most of this match. Of course, Sami gets his shots in, including a Blue Thunder Bomb. His efforts are for not though as Joe makes Sami pass out in the Coquina Clutch.

My Rating: ***

Match 2: Raw Tag Team Championship Match - Luke Gallows & Karl Anderson (c) def. Enzo & Cass (8:40)

Enzo and Cass were so incredibly over that I’m surprised they never won the tag titles at some point. Anyway, this is an average tag team match. It starts out good for the babyface team, but Gallows and Anderson work over Enzo for a few minutes. There was a nice spot where Enzo dives for the hot tag but Karl cuts him off with a knee to the face in mid-air, I really liked that. Eventually Cass gets in, and makes the comeback. He tags Enzo back in so they can do their finisher that I forget the name of. Gallows saves it by pulling Enzo off the pin. Karl ends up pinning Enzo, who has his foot on the rope, but Gallows saves it again but knocking it off before the referee can notice. The Good Brothers retain.

My Rating: **3/4

Match 3: Sasha Banks def. Nia Jax (8:15)

Poor Sasha. The first few minutes are dominated by Nia, as she just tosses Sasha around like a ragdoll. It actually gets kinda boring, but I’ll give them credit because when Sasha begins to comeback, the crowd goes nuts. She even gets Nia in the Bank Statement, which gets the crowd cheering. Nia gets out of it and just whips Sasha around by her hair. Sasha ends up winning with a lucky rollup.

My Rating: **3/4

Match 4: Cesaro def. Jinder Mahal (8:20)

So apparently, Jinder and Rusev were a tag team, and they broke up on this show, and demanded Mick Foley (who was the Raw GM at the time) to give them each a match. And this is where my first problems with the show come up. You mean to tell me that you cut time from Samoa Joe and Sami Zayn for 2 matches that didn’t even matter? This is a pretty lame match, and it’s a Cesaro match. Most of it is Jinder Mahal working over Cesaro’s back, and it gets really old really fast. Seriously, Jinder dominates most of this match. His super push must have been in the works for months. Although you wouldn’t know it, because he still loses. If they wanted us to buy Jinder Mahal as a Champion, maybe they should’ve had him… you know… win a match.

My Rating: **1/4

Match 5: Big Show def. Rusev (8:45)

So after Jinder squanders his shot to show off, it’s Rusev’s turn and he gets Big Show. Big Show beats on Rusev for a while, but Rusev gets his licks in, but this isn’t really worth remembering. Good thing too because Big Show apparently had some pent up aggression here. He chokeslams Rusev three times. And at this point, he could go for a cover, but he hits the knockout punch, on an already knocked out Rusev to win. My question is, what was the point of this?

My Rating: **

Match 6: Cruiserweight Championship Match - Neville (c) def. Jack Gallagher (12:10)

OUT OF MY HEAD! YOU’RE OUT OF TIME! Sorry, I had to get that out of my system. This was a damn good match. Gallagher sells hard to make Neville look like a beast. Commentary makes sure to mention Gallagher isn’t a high flyer, which makes the fact that Gallagher flies through the ropes onto Neville surprising. It was also important to note that Neville was a heel at this point, which means he wasn’t flying around as much as he used to. Gallagher hits Neville on the top rope with a headbutt and Neville sells it like it killed him. The finish comes when Neville throws Gallagher off the top, reversing a superplex, which then allows Neville to hit the Red Arrow for the first time since he turned heel to get the win. What a great finish, and great way to put over the fact Neville’s title reign was in trouble. This was awesome.

My Rating: ***3/4

Match 7: Roman Reigns def. Braun Strowman (17:20)

The match itself was good, the result was poo. I’m not sure if this is a hot take or not, but I thought this match was very good. This was the first of many battles between the two this year. I really enjoyed the story they told throughout the match of Strowman being such a monster that even the untouchable Roman Reigns couldn’t beat him. Roman even has to psych himself up at some point during the match. The problem here is that instead of continuing that momentum that Braun had built up since the draft, he gets beaten here by Roman. And WWE couldn’t figure out why people hated Roman so much. The result shouldn’t take away from how good the match was overall, but the wrong man won here.

My Rating: ****

Match 8: Raw Women’s Championship Match - Bayley (c) def. Charlotte Flair (16:55)

This match had potential to be the match of the night, but for whatever reason, these two never really got it going. And that really wouldn’t be a bad thing if the match was shorter, but this was nearly 17 minutes. I’m not sure why these two never clicked, but they just didn’t. They botched a spot at one point, which I can normally overlook, but it’s the way they keep attempting it that makes it look worse. Not a bad match at all, just not a good one either.

My Rating: **1/2

Main Event: Universal Championship Match - Goldberg def. Kevin Owens (c) (0:22)

Now I’m assuming this is the reason this show is rated so low. Here I am again, watching Goldberg take the title off one of the hottest things going. The Universal Title match at WrestleMania 33 should’ve been Kevin Owens vs Chris Jericho and anything other than that is wrong. But if there was anyone who went into this show, thinking Kevin Owens was gonna retain, do you mind if I borrow some of your optimism? Oh, by the way, once again WWE pretty much tell us who’s winning before the match happens by pointing out that Paul Heyman was gonna be on the post show. And who was Goldberg’s opponent at WrestleMania? Oh, it was Brock Lesnar of course. Chris Jericho’s music hits, Kevin gets distracted. He turns around to a Spear and then one Jackhammer later, Goldberg was the Universal Champion… great.

My Rating: DUD

Cagematch Rating: 2.26

My Rating: 4.5/10

Despite this show’s flaws, I still think 2.26 is too harsh. But with it’s poor booking decisions, I can see why it’s rated this low. The Cruiserweight Title Match and the Roman/Braun match were good enough to bump it to a 4.5 for me, but I would recommend you watch those matches only and just skip over everything else.

Next up is another PPV from 2017, and you remember Jinder Mahal. Good news, this time he’s the WWE Champion because it’s Battleground 2017…

 

[Jarf]

Battleground 2017

Match 1: SmackDown Tag Team Championship Match - The New Day (Kofi & Xavier) def. The Usos (c) (13:50)

Great match to start the show off hot. At this point, it was usually Big E. who was one of the members representing New Day but they decided to switch it up and have it be Kofi and Xavier. It starts off quick for the New Day, but The Usos quickly take control and begin isolating Xavier in their corner. Eventually Xavier is able to tag in Kofi and they begin to comeback. Kofi tags in Xavier and goes for a dive onto The Usos, but they catch him and powerbomb him on the floor. From there, The Usos beat on Xavier, and hit him whatever they can, but Xavier toughs through it. Xavier tightropes on the rope and leaps for an elbow on Jimmy (or was it Jey?) and he’s hit with a superkick in mid-air from the other Uso. Awesome spot. It comes down to great teamwork for The New Day, Kofi hits one of the Usos with a Trouble in Paradise, and Xavier hits the elbow from all the way across the ring to win the Tag Team Titles! Awesome opener, and best match of the night. This in my opinion, was when Xavier finally showed how good he actually is.

My Rating: ****

Match 2: Shinsuke Nakamura def. Baron Corbin via DQ (12:25)

Man, this just makes me sad. Nakamura was so over at this time. Corbin was also Mr. Money in the Bank as well. A lot of things in this match haven’t aged well. Anyway, this wasn’t an eventful match, Corbin gets heat on Shinsuke for a good while. Nakamura eventually fights back with kicks and strikes. He goes for the Kinshasa, and Corbin isn’t getting up. So Shinsuke picks him and Corbin kicks Nakamura in the penis to get DQ’d. Corbin continues attacking Shinsuke after the match and hits an End of Days.

My Rating: **

Match 3: SmackDown Women’s Championship #1 Contenders Fatal 5-Way Elimination Match - Natalya def. Charlotte Flair, Becky Lynch, Lana & Tamina (11:00)

Naomi was the Women’s Champion and joins commentary here. The winner will face her for the title at SummerSlam. Lana and Tamina apparently have an alliance going into this and they beat up Charlotte together for a while, for so long in fact that you forget other people are in the match. Nattie comes back in and she puts Charlotte in a Sharpshooter, and Lana breaks it up like an idiot because it’s elimination rules. Becky comes back in and puts Lana in the Dis-Arm-Her and Tamina makes the save this time. Now that makes sense because they’re working together for now. But Becky puts Tamina in the Dis-Arm-Her and Lana doesn’t save her, causing Tamina to tap out and be the first eliminated. Lana tries to attack Becky, but then Becky makes her tap out. Natalya runs back in and rolls up Becky from behind, and uses the tights as leverage. Now it’s down to Natalya & Charlotte. It ends with Natalya rolling Charlotte, with the back of her head hitting the bottom turnbuckle. Nattie pins Charlotte to get the title shot. After the match, Naomi comes in to shake Natalya’s hand, but Natalya just walks out. Not a bad match to be honest.

My Rating: ***

Match 4: United States Championship Match - Kevin Owens def. AJ Styles (c) (17:50)

This was after AJ beat Kevin for the the title at an MSG house show, which was surprising. Commentary says that day was the most embarrassing day of Owens’ life, even though what happened to him on the last show I watched was much more embarrassing. Surprisingly, this match was just good, not the show stealer that we would expect from a match between these two. Like Bayley and Charlotte at Fastlane, this could’ve been the match of the night, but I don’t know what happened here. It isn’t a bad match by any means, it was still good. Towards the end of the match, Owens reverses a Styles Clash by lifting him up and tossing him into the referee. And while the ref is down, AJ gets KO in the calf crusher and I’m thinking they’re gonna do the predictable “heel taps out while the ref can’t see it” spot, but Owens doesn’t tap and reverses into a crossface, and then AJ reverses it into one of his own. Owens rolls AJ over into a pinning position while in the hold, and the referee counts the three, but oh no, one of AJ’s shoulders was off the mat. Owens wins via controversy.

My Rating: ***1/4

Match 5: Flag Match - John Cena def. Rusev (21:10)

Oh boy, one of my favorite wrestling tropes (Yes, that is sarcasm). Evil foreigner talks shit about America and the good American boy stands up the good ol USA. Before this match, commentary says that this may be the end of Cena’s career if he loses, no matter what he accomplished before. And it’s one of the most absurd sentences I’ve heard from commentary. The way they win this match is by placing their country’s flag in the stand on the pedestals on the stage. This match is really slow because they didn’t have enough planned to fill in 21 minutes, so it’s really just a lot of punches and nothing happening. Rusev sets up two tables next to Cena’s pedestal, and I’m sitting there going, “gee I wonder what’s gonna happen.” Turns out, Cena hits the AA on Rusev through those tables, and I am shocked. Cena places his flag in his stand to win the match. And the good guys win again. MERICA!

My Rating: **1/2

Match 6: Sami Zayn def. Mike Kanellis (7:15)

I’m assuming this was meant to be a cool down match, which makes me think they thought Cena vs Rusev was gonna be good. I always thought it was funny how WWE seemingly forgot that Maria’s gimmick during her first run with the company was airheaded bimbo. Anyway, this match isn’t really anything special. The one spot in this match I remember was Maria standing in the way of Sami hitting the exploder into the buckle, but other than that, nothing. Sami wins with a Helluva Kick and defeats the power of love, much to my delight as someone going through a rough breakup.

My Rating: **

Main Event: WWE Championship Punjabi Prison Match - Jinder Mahal (c) def. Randy Orton (27:40)

Jinder Mahal was the WWE Champion for 6 months. And that doesn’t sound like a long time, but it felt like an eternity and matches like this are the reason why. Fuck, this was bad. First of all, the absurdity of Jinder being a jobber for his whole career and suddenly being treated like he’s been a main eventer for years always rubbed me the wrong way. I’m not the brightest, I’ll admit, but I can still see through bullshit. For those who don’t know what a Punjabi Prison Match is, basically there’s two cages made of bamboo around the ring, and you have to escape both to win. They spend the first half of the match doing a lot of nothing because Jinder Mahal is a bad wrestler. Eventually, the Singh Brothers get in and pull Jinder through the doors of the first cage after he gets hit with an RKO. Orton escapes the first cage and meets Jinder halfway up the second cage. From there, this is basically a handicap match, where Orton tosses around the Singhs. The one thing from rating this match any lower is a nasty bump that Samir Singh takes where he falls off the back of the second cage through the announcer’s table. Orton eventually decides he’s had enough and decides to leave, but who would come to Jinder’s rescue. The Great Khali, he climbs up the cage and grabs Orton by the throat, preventing him from leaving. Jinder climbs up and over to retain the WWE Title and continue one of the worst WWE Championship reigns in history.

My Rating: *1/4

Cagematch Rating: 2.31

My Rating: 3.5/10

This show peaks early with the Tag Team Championship match and it only goes downhill from there until it crashes at the very end. This show is much more irritating than Fastlane and I don’t think its Cagematch rating is harsh at all.

Next time, it’s back to Saudi… Elimination Chamber 2022.

 

[Jarf]

Elimination Chamber 2022

I feel very fortunate that I was not watching at this period of time. I was pretty much done with the company at this point and it took Triple H taking creative control that made me come back. It’s a good thing I get to watch this with hindsight because I know I would’ve been very upset at the end of this show.

Match 1: Universal Championship Match - Roman Reigns (c) def. Goldberg via referee’s decision (6:00)

I was not expecting to see so much of Goldberg so early in this series. Very strange match to choose to start the show but at least they got it out of the way. I will admit this was not bad. Roman was now a much better character here, and he carried Goldberg to a decent match at least. Still not much to talk about though. Goldberg got a couple nice spears on Roman and looked to finish things with the Jackhammer, but Roman escaped and put Goldberg in the Guillotine Choke, which Roman had on Bill for a good minute and a half, forcing Goldberg to pass out and making the referee call it.

My Rating: **1/2

They play a video package hyping up Bobby Lashley, which is really funny after seeing what happens to him later.

Match 2: Raw Women’s Championship #1 Contenders Elimination Chamber Match - Bianca Belair def. Alexa Bliss, Rhea Ripley, Liv Morgan, Doudrop & Nikki A.S.H. (15:45)

“What the fuck is a doudrop?” I still ask this question to this day. Speaking of terrible name changes, Nikki comes out dressed like a superhero, reminding me of how much I hated this fucking gimmick. Thank fuck Triple H tossed that in the trash where it belongs. I didn’t know this, but Nikki and Rhea were friends at one point and betrayed her. Alexa comes out last and is one of the people entered in the pods, which confused the hell out of me because I always thought the last two people who entered were supposed to start, but whatever. She also gets a swing in her pod which makes me ask if the person in the pod during the second chamber match was also gonna get a swing. Nikki and Liv start the match and the intervals feel so short that suddenly Doudrop is out. She tosses Liv and Nikki around for a bit before Rhea Ripley is entered next. And Nikki, despite knowing that she would inevitably have to face her if she wanted to win, is shocked and tries to run away from Ripley. Ripley eliminates Nikki first, and then Alexa is next to enter. She runs wild for a solid 20 seconds. But Doudrop is eliminated next after a sunset flip powerbomb from the top rope from Liv Morgan. Bianca comes out last and her and Ripley face off, and try to make this match good. Liv hits them both with a double codebreaker, before she’s not knocked down by Alexa and hit with Twisted Bliss to eliminate Liv. Bianca eliminates Ripley with a K.O.D, and Bianca and Alexa have a mini match before Bianca takes Alexa out. Pretty uneventful Chamber Match.

My Rating: **3/4

Match 3: Ronda Rousey & Naomi def. Charlotte Flair & Sonya Deville (9:15)

The stipulation in this match is that Ronda has to wrestle with one arm tied behind her back, because Sonya’s arm is in a sling. But before the match can really get going, Sonya reveals her arm was fine! Who could’ve foreseen this?! Because Ronda has only one arm to use, Charlotte and Sonya are able to work over her for a while before Naomi gets in and she gets to show what she can do for a short while. Naomi is an underrated worker in my opinion. Ronda gets back and with one arm, teases the Armbar on Sonya, and Charlotte kinda just lets her do it for some reason. Ronda locks in the Armbar and forces Deville to tap out. Weird finish but Charlotte just saying “eh, fuck it” was kinda funny to me.

My Rating: *3/4

Match 4: Falls Count Anywhere Match - Drew McIntyre def. Madcap Moss (9:05)

It was during the video package for this match that I realized how lucky I am I was not watching at this time. Moss was Corbin’s lackey for a bit and their gimmick was making stupid, unfunny jokes. Which yeah, they’re heels, but fuck is it bad even for a heel. The match starts with Corbin and Moss double teaming Drew, which makes sense actually because there are no DQ’s. Kinda makes Drew look like a dumbass because he’s the one who asked for this match, but other than that, it makes sense. This match is still fairly even despite that stipulation because Corbin only gets involved half the time. There’s a scary fucking spot where Moss gets spiked right on his head with an Alabama Slam. Luckily he seemed fine, but damn that could’ve ended really bad. The finish is Drew almost becomes a murderer! Seriously, Corbin comes in and Drew takes a swing at him with his sword! Drew almost kills two men in the same match, holy shit. Drew hits the Claymore on Moss to get the win.

My Rating: **1/4

Match 5: Raw Women’s Championship Match - Becky Lynch (c) def. Lita (12:19)

Man, I really wanted this match to be good. As someone who thought Lita went out the very wrong way, by being humiliated, I wanted her to have a performance she could be proud to hang her hat on. Obviously, she did come back this year for a short run, but for the time, it’s kinda disappointing it wasn’t better. It’s still not a bad match, it’s just kinda average. Becky gets heat on Lita for a while before Lita makes the comeback. Becky hits the Manhandle Slam on Lita, but Lita gets her foot on the rope. Becky goes for a Moonsault on Lita, but Lita dodges and hits a Twist of Fate on Becky. She hits the Moonsault and Becky kicks out. Lita picks Becky up and Becky puts Lita down with another Manhandle Slam.

My Rating: **3/4

Now a SmackDown Tag Team Championship Match is supposed to be next. The Viking Raiders come out and are set to wrestle the Usos, but the latter jump them before the match and beat on them so the match can’t even start. Two things about this that annoyed me. One, I remember The Raiders NXT run and got really sad. Two, they flew these guys out here for this… Why? What a waste of everyone’s time. Speaking of a waste of time, they play a Seth Rollins hype package that I don’t care for. This is the third package they play in the night. The second was for The Undertaker, which was admittedly sick as hell because they have Metallica’s Sad But True playing over it.

Main Event: WWE Championship Elimination Chamber Match - Brock Lesnar def. Bobby Lashley (c) (not really), Austin Theory, AJ Styles, Riddle & Seth Rollins (14:55)

Lashley makes his entrance first and commentary mentions that he’s only been in one chamber match and that he won… which kinda makes what happens to him here feel like karma. Riddle enters the same pod that Alexa entered and there is no swing now. Bullshit! Why doesn’t Riddle get a swing? Lesnar enters last but is the last one put into a pod. Rollins and Theory start the match and Rollins powerbombs Theory into Lashley’s pod, pushing Lashley’s head into the pod. And Lashley is eliminated first via concussion, which is un-fucking-believable. Riddle enters next and he does some good stuff with Seth Rollins until AJ enters next. Riddle hits the draping DDT on both Rollins and Styles. I find it really funny that Riddle’s gimmick at this point was “Randy Orton mark.” The countdown starts and Lashley would be entering if he were still here. But Lesnar decides he’s not waiting anymore and kicks the pod open and just gets out, which makes me wonder if that’s even allowed. But from there, the match is basically over. Brock eliminates Rollins first, then quickly eliminates Riddle, followed by AJ Styles, all eliminated in a matter of 2 minutes. Which leaves Brock and Austin Theory which was the worst possible ending to this match. Theory low blows Brock, dropkicks him and DDT’s him to get a two count. Theory runs from Brock, even trying to out through the top of the Chamber, but Brock catches him and hits him with an admittedly great F5 off the top of the pod. And Brock is the WWE Champion again… Fuck! So the main event of WrestleMania will be Brock Lesnar vs Roman Reigns, Title for Title, which I’m sure is what everybody wanted… The fact that Lashley still hasn’t gotten a match against Roman is a crime.

My Rating: **1/4

Cagematch Rating: 2.58

My Rating 1.5/10

What a piece of shit show this was. Dare I say this was the worst Saudi show I’ve seen so far. That may be recency bias, but I feel like I lost brain cells watching this show. This was annoyingly paced, annoyingly booked and once again, WWE were giving us Roman vs Brock at Mania, which you know already going in, but now with the added title for title stipulation which was unnecessary. The titles are still unified to this day and for what? To make Roman look strong? How much stronger does he need to look? Not only that, but both these Chamber matches feel absolutely lifeless. The best chamber matches have some drama to them. Like the first Chamber match where Shawn Michaels was making his comeback to win the big one once again or in 2019 when Kofi was battling his way to the WWE Championship and comes so nail bitingly close, only to be beaten at the end. Both chamber matches on this show feel like they’re just going through the motions to get this show over with, the second one more so than the first because Brock is in the match for only 2 minutes when he eliminates three people. Awful show.

The next show I review, we’re going back in time… a month before this show because it’s Royal Rumble 2022.

 

[Jarf]

Royal Rumble 2022

Get ready for some hot takes.

Match 1: Universal Championship Match - Seth Rollins def. Roman Reigns (c) via DQ (14:23)

We kick this show off with a bang. A match that I believe is underrated. I love the story going into it and I love that Seth comes down with the Shield music and the Shield vest. It’s a nostalgia pop, but I love it. The match goes into high gear pretty early. Seth uses his high flying style to take down Roman. There’s a table bump early in this match, where Seth powerbombs Roman through the announcer’s table. Rollins throws Roman back in the ring, hits the buckle bomb and then the curb stomp to get a two. Rollins very much has Roman’s number, or at the very least, he’s gotten into Roman’s head. Roman takes control shortly but that doesn’t slow down the match. Roman hits a Spear on Seth on the outside. He goes for another one in the ring, but Rollins catches Roman in a Pedigree, a throwback to when Rollins beat him at Money in the Bank 2016. They get to the point where Rollins is down and puts his hand out towards Roman looking for a fist bump and he says “I’ll always love you brother” and laughing. This is the best version of Seth Rollins in my opinion. But Roman gets pissed off and puts Seth in the Guillotine Choke, Rollins manages to get over the rope and grabs hold of it. And Roman doesn’t release the hold. The referee counts to five and Roman is disqualified. Now for the first hot take here, I don’t think this DQ was that bad. I’m not a big fan of non-finishes either, they can be annoying. But they can also work that into the story. The problem is that they never continued with this story, Roman just kind of moved on and forgot about Seth and Seth forgot about Roman and that was it. That’s where the DQ finish becomes bad. But on the bright side, if they ever come back to each other, Rollins can say that Roman never beat him. Roman refuses to let go even after the bell rings and the ref is telling him to let go and Roman says “he won’t let me let go.” Talking about The Shield breaking up. Roman goes outside the ring, he grabs a chair and beats Rollins with it much like Seth did to him and Moxley when he turned on them. This was a great match despite it’s finish and it makes me want them to run it back. I think Rollins should be the one to eventually dethrone Roman if we’re being honest.

My Rating: ****1/4

Match 2: Royal Rumble Match - Ronda Rousey won by last eliminating Charlotte Flair (59:42)

This match starts with Sasha Banks, one of the favorites to win the match… remember that. And number two is Melina, who looks excited to be included. She’s not in the match for long, she’s pretty immediately eliminated by Sasha. Liv Morgan enters at number 6 and if it were me booking this rumble, she would’ve won, but she lasts a pretty long time, same with Bianca who comes in a little later and lasts until the final 4. Sasha Banks is eliminated after 10 minutes by Zelina Vega, making her the Daniel Bryan of this rumble. Someone who was eliminated sooner than she should’ve been. This was the rumble of surprise entrants which is to be expected when WWE released most of their roster in 2021! And maybe my ears were playing tricks on me, but I could’ve sworn Rhea Ripley called Nikki A.S.H. a “little twat” when she came in. One of the most surprising entrants ever in this match, was Mickie James who was the Impact Knockouts Champion at this time! She came out with the title and the name graphic said she was “Impact Knockouts Champion!” I couldn’t believe it. Another fun surprise was Ivory who came out with the Right to Censor attire and music and she cuts a promo on the women in the match. When she gets in, Rhea picks her up and Ivory is still talking shit into the mic and makes me laugh really hard. Even after Rhea eliminates her, Ivory is still talking shit and it’s hilarious. Ronda Rousey is number 28 and gets a big pop from the crowd. The final 4 is Ronda, Shayna Baszler, Bianca and the SmackDown Women’s Champion, Charlotte Flair and I can understand why people dislike this rumble. Ronda and Charlotte was a bad way to finish this match. Charlotte shouldn’t have even been in the match at all if we’re being honest. But here’s my second hot take of the show. Ronda winning wasn’t a bad idea. I truly don’t think so. She got a huge pop from the crowd, but then again that may have been just because she was gone for so long. I think Ronda’s run after this show is what makes her victory here bad in hindsight. But at the time, I can see why they went with Ronda. Sorry, that’s just what I think. An overhated Rumble in my opinion.

My Rating: ***1/4

Match 3: Raw Women’s Championship Match - Becky Lynch (c) def. Doudrop (12:58)

I have a question… What the fuck is a Doudrop? I’m still confused by this name. Again, not a terrible match. So far, I don’t think this show belongs in the worst shows. Doudrop has control of the match at the beginning, using her size and power to throw around Becky, who has to come up with something to get the gears going. Luckily for her, Doudrop was gonna help because she goes for a cannonball to Becky who was sitting against the steps, but Becky moves and Doudrop hits the steps. The match is mostly uneventful, but Becky taunts Doudrop and slaps her in the face saying “you know who you’re in here with?” Doudrop fights back and it’s kind of a back and forth match. Becky tries the Manhandle Slam, but can’t lift Doudrop up for it. Doudrop goes up the turnbuckle, presumably for a Vader Bomb, but Becky follows her and hits the Manhandle Slam from there, and pins her to retain the title.

My Rating: ***

Match 4: WWE Championship Match - Bobby Lashley def. Brock Lesnar (c) (10:14)

They hyped the fuck outta this in the video package, and to be fair, this was a legit dream match and it felt like a legit big fight. They begin with a collar and elbow and neither man can make the other budge. Lesnar hits a german suplex on Lashley, and Lashley returns one of his own. In the early stage of this match, it’s a hoss fight. Lashley goes for a Spear through the barricade, but Brock dodges him. Lesnar is in control shortly and is hitting Bobby with German after German. Brock goes for an F5, but Lashley gets out and puts Lesnar in the Hurt Lock. Brock manages to escape and he hits the F5, except Lashley’s legs take out the referee when he goes down. Lesnar covers Bobby, but there’s no ref to count the pin. Lesnar gets back up and turns into a Spear from Roman Reigns. Roman looks over to Paul Heyman, who’s holding the WWE Title and hands it to Roman, who hits Brock with it and then they leave. Lashley pins Lesnar to win the WWE Championship.

My Rating: ***

Match 5: Mixed Tag Team Match - Edge & Beth Phoenix def. The Miz & Maryse (12:29)

God, The Miz is such a lucky man… (Cough) Anyway, uh, let’s talk about this match without mentioning Maryse’s attire. To be honest, this match is pretty much what I expected from it. Edge and Miz go at it, and Maryse is going to avoid Beth as much as she can. Maryse and Beth are pretty sloppy, which is understandable, it’s been a while since they both wrestled a match. But Maryse takes control of the match after hitting Beth with her purse which was hiding a brick inside it. Beth eventually gets back into and goes for a pin and it’s broken up by Miz. Beth doesn’t take kindly to that and starts beating up Miz in plain view of the referee… which makes me confused by the fact that later in the match, Miz fakes a knee injury to distract the referee, while Maryse hits Edge with a hurricanrana. So… do you get DQ’d for attacking the opposite gender or not? Because if that’s the case, Miz and Maryse should’ve won already. This was after Beth also hit Miz with a powerbomb by the way, in front of the referee. The match ends with Edge and Beth hitting duel Spears followed by duel Glam Slams on the it couple to take the win.

My Rating: **1/2

Main Event: Royal Rumble Match - Brock Lesnar won by last eliminating Drew McIntyre (51:13)

Oof, this was a rough Rumble. This… This sucked. The match starts out fine. AJ Styles is number one and Shinsuke Nakamura is number two and they have a nice mini match to start things off. But Nakamura is eliminated at entrant number 5. Oh, ok…. Cool I guess. Omos is number 11 and he makes a few eliminations. He takes out both members of the Street Profits. The one bit of this match that I did enjoy was Chad Gable coming in and he rallies everyone in the ring to work together against Omos. Chad convinces Damian Priest to attack Omos, and he’s eliminated. But while Omos’ back is turned, they all swarm him. AJ hits the finishing blow to get Omos out and Gable throws up both hands saying “Just as planned! I’m a genius!” God, he’s so great. He’s like Kurt Angle, but without the push. AJ Styles is eliminated eventually by number 19, Madcap Moss… Boo, boo this man. Drew McIntyre makes his return after having his neck broken by Corbin and Moss, and he eliminates both of them and continues beating the shit out of them outside the ring. And… Poor Kofi Kingston, man. He comes in and he’s immediately eliminated by Kevin Owens, because he messes up his annually, “saving himself and getting back in” spot and I felt so bad for the guy. Bad Bunny is an entrant in this match and he does alright, he definitely does better than who comes out after him, which is… Shane McMahon… who is already sweating and breathing heavily, but he still eliminates Kevin Owens. Randy Orton is number 29 and he and Riddle unceremoniously eliminate Big E. who was the WWE Champion less than a month ago. Number 30 is of course Brock Lesnar because of course it is. Brock quickly gets to work. He eliminates Orton, he eliminates Bad Bunny. He eliminates Riddle, and he eliminates Shane McMahon who they somehow let make it to the final fucking three! Then he and Drew have a mini hoss fight before Brock tosses Drew out with an F5 and wins. What a shitty ending to this rumble. And of course, we’re practically promised we’re getting another Roman vs Brock match. As a wise man once said, “God dammit.”

My Rating: **

Cagematch Rating: 2.72

My Rating: 5/10

Now, my overall thoughts on this show is that it’s not as bad as it’s cagematch rating would make you think, at least in my opinion. However, I can see why this show pissed so many people off. Who the fuck was clamoring to see Roman vs Brock Part 372? Not including Vince McMahon who I’m convinced gets off on that match. Some things on the show gets overhated, so I still think it’s the best show I’ve seen so far in the series, but that’s a pretty low bar.

The next show I review will be the first In Your House of the series. We’re going back to the worst year in WWE history, 1995. In Your House 4: The Great White North.

 

[Jarf]

In Your House 4: The Great White North

What a stinker of a show this was. Before it can begin, Gorilla Monsoon announces that Shawn Michaels will be stripped of the Intercontinental Title due to a concussion and the title will be awarded to Dean Douglas, who if you’re unfamiliar with, that’s Shane Douglas, the Franchise. But there will be an Intercontinental Title match tonight.

Match 1: Hunter Hearst Helmsley def. Fatu (8:06)

For those who don’t know who Fatu is, that’s Rikishi who apparently at this time had an anti-drug gimmick question mark. Fatu’s tights had “just say no” on them so I actually don’t know. Hunter comes out looking snooty. This match is happening because Hunter sprayed Fatu with perfume… yep. Anyway, the match starts with Fatu whooping Hunter’s ass until Hunter takes control and starts wearing down Fatu. Fatu begins to comeback after he gets a DDT and no sells it because he’s samoan or something. The finish is Fatu goes for a splash from the top rope, but Hunter moves out of the way, and then hits the Pedigree to win. Lawler has some words about Fatu’s smell after the match, but Henry Godwinn sneaks up on them holding a bucket of shit (which they called slop, but it’s shit). Hunter runs away and nobody gets shit on them, what a shame.

My Rating: **3/4

Match 2: WWF Tag Team Championship Match - The Smoking Gunns (c) def. Razor Ramon & 1-2-3 Kid (12:46)

This match was really good actually. It had a bit of a weird dynamic. Both were babyface teams but they were pulling heel tactics on each other, but it weirdly works for me. It’s so surreal seeing The Kid and Billy Gunn face off here, knowing where they would both be in just 3 more years. Just goes to show that so much can change in that amount of time. There’s a point in this match where The Kid and Billy are down in the ring, and Bart pulls Billy on Kid while the ref’s back is turned. Razor tells the ref to pay attention to Bart and while the ref is reprimanding him, Razor comes in and pulls the Kid on Billy. Heel tactics from a face vs face tag team match feels weird but I can dig it. Razor Ramon hits Billy with the Razor’s Edge, and the Kid asks Razor to tag him in so he can get the pin. Razor obliges and as the Kid covers Billy, Billy rolls Kid over to get the pin. The Kid, frustrated attacks The Gunns after the match, and he’s stopped by Razor who hands the Gunns their tag titles. A good match which teases the Kid turning heel.

My Rating: ***1/2

Match 3: Goldust def. Marty Jannetty (11:45)

This is Marty’s return match and Goldust’s debut match. Goldust comes out and has the deadest look in his eyes, as if he’s thinking “what the fuck am I doing?” Goldust tries to start with a cheap shot, but Marty quickly puts the boots to Goldust in the early going. A weird way to debut someone, by having them get their ass beat. Goldust fights back, but it seems at some point they forget their spots because Goldust shoves Marty twice… then they stare at each other for a weird amount of time and then Goldust shoves him again. It’s a bit of a back and forth match, but it’s goes on for a little too long, and Goldust eventually gets the win.

My Rating: **

Match 4: Yokozuna vs. King Mabel ended in a double countout (5:12)

I’m pretty sure this match was only booked so Vince and Lawler could make fat jokes on commentary. Because that seems to be the only thing they can talk about. “Hey, these guys sure are fat as fuck, huh?” They’re also both still heel. They worked together to put the Undertaker on the shelf a few weeks before which is why they’re having this match booked by Gorilla Monsoon. They spend five minutes beating each other up, which makes the aftermath of the match make no sense. They both go outside the ring, Yokozuna throws Mabel into the ring post and Yoko for some reason falls on Jim Cornette who was his manager, and they’re both counted out. They get back in the ring and tease fighting again, but they hug and Yoko raises Mabel’s hand. So if their plan was to get a double countout from the start, why didn’t they just… why did they kick each other’s ass? Wha-? You know what, I shouldn’t try to make sense of it because there is none.

My Rating: 1/2*

Dean Douglas makes his way to the ring, standing beside Gorilla Monsoon and Dok Hendrix (aka Michael Hayes). Shawn comes out looking real sad with the Intercontinental Title. I will say, that this was great for making the Intercontinental Championship feel important. Shawn looks legitimately heartbroken by having to give it up. Now, help me out here. Was this concussion thing legit or was it kayfabe because I actually don’t know. I heard Shawn got jumped in a nightclub at some point, was that what happened to him? Anyway, Dean Douglas is the new Intercontinental Champion via forfeit.

Match 5: Intercontinental Championship Match - Razor Ramon def. Dean Douglas (c) (11:01)

Dean goes down in history as the man with the shortest Intercontinental Title reign. Even though Razor already had a match tonight, he spends most of the match putting Douglas through the ringer. He whoops Dean’s ass for so long. Dean finally gets a breather after he back drops Razor out of the ring from a Razor’s Edge position. The match ends with Razor dropping Dean with a back suplex and he drapes one arm over him. The referee counts the three, but what’s this? Dean’s foot was under the bottom rope, but the referee doesn’t see it and Razor is crowned the new champion. The first 4x Intercontinental Champion.

My Rating: *1/2

Main Event: WWF Championship Match - British Bulldog def. Diesel (c) via DQ (18:14)

Bret Hart is on commentary for this match because he will face the champion at Survivor Series. He chases off Jerry Lawler during his entrance. The Bulldog works over Diesel’s right knee which is not a bad strategy against someone as huge as Diesel. But man he does for such a long time. At some point, Bulldog puts Diesel in a Boston Crab right near the bottom rope but he doesn’t grab it for some reason… Huh… Okay. Kevin, you know the rope is right there right. It’s literally in front of your face. You could be out of this hold by now if you just grab the rope. Does Kevin grab the rope? No, he aims to exert energy by powering Bulldog off of him… Okay… Dumbass. I’ll admit, Kevin does a good job at selling his leg during this match. At the end of the match, Bulldog slaps Bret Hart in the face and Bret attacks him, causing the ref to call for a DQ. The referee announces Bulldog as the winner and Bulldog raises his arm, despite the fact that he is not the champion. The show ends with Bret and Diesel getting into a pull apart brawl. Guys from the back storm the ring to try and separate them. Now, on the last show, we had a DQ finish. That was a good example of a DQ finish. This is a bad example of a DQ finish. First of all, Roman vs Seth was the opener on that show. This was the main event. And it makes Bulldog look like a moron. He shouldn’t celebrate this win because he doesn’t win the title. Diesel is more pissed off about the finish than Bulldog was! It doesn’t make any sense whatsoever!

My Rating: *3/4

Cagematch Rating: 2.85

My Rating: 3/10

The one thing that this show has going for it, is that it’s short. That’s it. It had one good tag team match on it, and everything else is just boring. This was a waste of a PPV. But like I said, it was short, so at least it wastes my time less than any of the Saudi shows did.

The next PPV will be the first of an event that WWE took from WCW. The Great American Bash 2004.

 

[Jarf]

The Great American Bash 2004

Match 1: United States Championship Fatal 4-Way Elimination Match - John Cena (c) def. Booker T, Rob Van Dam & Rene Dupree (15:44)

Cena opens the show and raps on all three of his challengers. This match wasn’t horrible, just kinda boring. This was pretty weird, because pretty much at the start, two people would just sit outside the ring while the other two fought in the ring. Which sorta makes sense I guess. It is elimination rules, why exert more energy than you have to? It just doesn’t make for a very exciting match. They would switch out so it wasn’t the same two people, it was kinda weird. RVD hits both Dupree and Booker with a Five Star Frog Splash, and while he’s favoring his ribs, Cena comes in and rolls him up from behind and eliminates RVD first, which makes the crowd boo. Then Booker and Dupree begin working together against Cena and they both want to pin him so they break it up when the other tries to pin them. I hate that so much. Does it matter which one pins him? This allows Cena to fight back into the match and he FUs (that’s what the AA used to be called, boys and girls) Dupree. Booker hits the Scissors Kick on Cena before pinning Rene to eliminate him. Cena and Booker go at it for a few more minutes before Cena avoids another Scissors Kick and hits Booker with the FU to retain the title. Not a horrible match, just meh.

My Rating: **1/2

Match 2: Luther Reigns def. Charlie Haas (7:02)

Kurt Angle (who was the SmackDown GM at this time) confronts his old protege, Charlie Haas backstage and reprimands him for talking to John Cena and trying to get into Miss Jackie’s pants. So Angle books Charlie in a match against his new protege, Luther Reigns. It’s awfully convenient that Charlie was already in his gear. Luther Reigns makes his entrance, pushing Kurt in a wheelchair and the first thing I think is “GET ME SOME OF THEM PEAS, I’VE HAD PEAS BEFORE!” If you don’t get that reference, go watch the Thanksgiving episode of SmackDown from this same year and watch the Big Show segment. It’s hilarious. Anyway, this match is boring as fuck. Charlie gets a couple shots in but Luther is in control for pretty much the whole thing. Luther wins in a match that would’ve been better suited for SmackDown. Which is going to be a common theme on this show.

My Rating: *1/2

Match 3: Cruiserweight Championship Match - Rey Mysterio (c) def. Chavo Guerrero (19:45)

It is a damn shame that nobody seems to remember this match because this was fucking great. This was a smartly wrestled match. The match starts with some technical wrestling weirdly enough, and Rey targets Chavo’s arm. But Chavo takes control by dropkicking Rey off the top rope, and Rey hurts his knee on the way to the floor. And that’s going to be the story for this match. Chavo works over Rey’s knee for most of this match and Rey sells it amazingly. There aren’t many people much better at selling pain than Rey, which is impressive considering he wears a mask. It’s the little things he does like collapsing when Chavo irish whips him. It’s a nice, smart, back and forth match. There’s a crazy spot where they both fall from the top rope chest first. Rey eventually manages to fight through the pain to hit the 619. He attempts to follow that with a West Coast Pop, but Chavo catches him and positions Rey for a single leg Boston Crab and just wrenches back that knee and it looks disgusting. Rey manages to fight his way to the bottom rope to break it up. Chavo attempts to end things with Gory Bomb, but Rey reverses that to hit a Yoshi Tonic and pin Chavo to retain the Cruiserweight Title. A fantastic match and if you haven’t seen it, I recommend you check it out.

My Rating: ****

Match 4: Kenzo Suzuki def. Billy Gunn (8:00)

Of course, this wouldn’t be near the bottom of the list on Cagematch if everything was good. Another boring match to showcase Kenzo Suzuki. Another match not worthy of a PPV and better suited for an episode of SmackDown. Kenzo is slow and green and it’s very much a nothing happens match. Kenzo wins after low blowing Billy behind the ref’s back and hitting his finisher, whatever it was, to win.

My Rating: *

Match 5: Sable def. Torrie Wilson (6:02)

This is a women’s match during the Ruthless Aggression Era. So in my head, I’m wondering “what weird shit is Vince gonna make them do here?” The answer is… nothing. They just have a match. Not a good match, but it’s just a match. The most erotic thing that happens is Sable slaps her own ass, which is pretty tame. Sable wins by faking a head injury and it looks like the referee is about to call off the match and Torrie is looking around with a concerned look. But Sable rolls Torrie up from behind and the ref counts the pin and Sable wins with no weird “look at our women” shenanigans.

My Rating: 1/2*

Match 6: Mordecai def. Hardcore Holly (6:29)

Most people probably don’t know that this isn’t Mordecai’s first appearance in this series. Turns out, he’s repackaged 2 years later as Kevin Thorn and was on the December to Dismember PPV. His character here is some priest warrior and is looking to purge the sinners in WWE or something? I wasn’t really paying attention to his backstory to be honest. This match is better than the other showcase matches but this is yet another match that shouldn’t be on PPV and should’ve been done on SmackDown. Mordecai ends things with a “crucifix like maneuver” as Michael Cole called it. (It’s the Razor’s Edge)

My Rating: **

Match 7: WWE Championship Texas Bullrope Match - JBL def. Eddie Guerrero (c) (21:11)

The way they win this match is by touching all 4 corners of the ring without being stopped while having one end of a bullrope tied around their wrist. The rules in this are a little inconsistent. Tony Chimel makes sure to say there are no disqualifications, but then says that if either man is unattached from the bullrope, they’ll be disqualified… so there are disqualifications. JBL shows off his vicious side early, whipping Eddie with the rope, choking him with it and hitting him with the cowbell. Hopefully it can cure Eddie’s fever. Eddie fights back with a steel chair and blasts JBL in the head with it, which opens up the Texan. Eddie gets JBL back in the ring and hits him with the chair one more time before he starts to make his rounds to the 4 corners. He tries this several times, but every time, JBL finds a way to stop him, whether it be clinging to the bottom rope from across the ring or just rolling out of it. JBL launches Eddie to the spanish announce table from the top rope, and the table doesn’t break. JBL puts an exclamation on it by powerbomb Eddie through the table which breaks this time. When they get the finish, Eddie begins to make the rounds and drags JBL with him. But JBL touches the corners after Eddie does. JBL attacks Eddie when they get to the third and now they each just need to touch one more corner to win and JBL is closer. Eddie decides to risk it and charges JBL, opting to touch the buckle behind JBL. They fake us out by making us think Eddie retained and play his music, but Kurt Angle makes his way out and points out that JBL’s shoulder touched the buckle before Eddie’s hand did and JBL is crowned the new WWE Champion and a dejected Eddie Guerrero is forced to hand over the title to the referee. JBL leaves with the title and Eddie gets a standing ovation and leaves with his head low. Very sad finish to this match.

My Rating: ***1/2

Main Event: Concrete Crypt 2-on-1 Handicap Match - The Undertaker def. The Dudley Boyz (14:38)

There are so many things about this ending that makes me wanna tear my hair out. So in case you’ve never heard of this before, allow me to explain this stupid fucking angle. Paul Heyman and The Dudley Boyz kidnap Paul Bearer and try to use him as a means of making The Undertaker do whatever they want. Okay, not bad so far. Paul Heyman arranges for Taker to face The Dudleyz on this show and if Taker doesn’t “do the right thing”, then Heyman will bury Paul Bearer in cement… Huh. Turns out, Bearer is going to be imprisoned in a clear cased crypt and if Undertaker doesn’t do exactly what Heyman wants him to do, Heyman will fill up said crypt with cement and KILL PAUL BEARER! So turns out the “right thing” is Undertaker laying down for The Dudleyz, but Undertaker doesn’t do that, he fights back and Heyman yells over the mic “bad dog” before filling the crypt with cement. He stops it once the cement reaches Bearer’s waist and gives Undertaker one last warning. But Undertaker continues to fight and even starts to make his way up the ramp towards Heyman, who begins to fill up the crypt again once Taker gets too close. The Dudleyz jump Taker and Bubba stops the cement truck and tells Heyman to let them handle The Undertaker and then he can deal with Paul Bearer…. So this ultimatum is pointless is what you’re saying… The first thing that pisses me off. Taker eventually wins after a Tombstone to D-Von and Heyman is not happy. He walks back towards the cement truck and a bolt of lightning strikes the lever… second thing that pissed me off. Why didn’t Undertaker just do that sooner?! And then the third thing that pissed me off. After all that nonsense Undertaker grabs the mic and says “Paul, I have no other choice.” And he pulls the lever anyway and kills Paul Bearer… And I don’t think we ever got an explanation as to why he had no choice, so what was the point of all this?! The final image of this PPV is the crypt entirely filled with concrete with Paul Bearer no longer visible. Which leads to the 4th thing that pisses me off. Why did they choose this to end the show as opposed to the WWE Title Match. The only reason that I can think of is that Vince didn’t want to send the fans home unhappy after seeing Eddie Guerrero lose the WWE Title. So they thought… that a murder, a pretty dark murder by the way, was a better ending than JBL winning the WWE Championship….

My Rating: You know this is a motherfuckin’ DUUUUUUUUD

Cagematch Rating: 2.97

My Rating: 3/10

This show had two really good matches on it, both including a Guerrero, but that’s not enough to save it. This show was terrible, for the fact that it has several matches on it that don’t feel like a PPV match and that stupid, stupid, stupid main event angle!

Speaking of stupid main event angles, get ready for another angry rant towards the end, because the next show I have to watch is Hell in a Cell 2019… AHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!

 

[Chris]

I also reviewed that show once upon a time. The middle portion of Velocity-esque matches were the worst slog I've had to get through in any reviews, the only thing saying them were Torrie in hot tub segments in between

 

[Jarf]

I also reviewed that show once upon a time. The middle portion of Velocity-esque matches were the worst slog I've had to get through in any reviews, the only thing saying them were Torrie in hot tub segments in between

I at least got a laugh from Luther Reigns, who I imagine celebrated his victory with peas that he's had before.

 

[Jarf]

Hell in a Cell 2019

Breathe in, breathe out…. Breathe in, breathe out… Alright, let’s talk about Hell in a Cell 2019!

Match 1: Raw Women’s Championship Hell in a Cell Match - Becky Lynch (c) def. Sasha Banks (21:50)

Starting this show off with a bang is Becky Lynch and Sasha Banks which was a great match. Sasha attacks Becky before the match can start, but Becky fights back. The bell rings and Becky starts by snatching the chain out of the referee’s hand and beating Sasha with it. You can tell they wanted to pull off some creative stuff in this match. The setup to these spots is a little convoluted, but whatever, it’s fun. Becky sets a chair on three kendo sticks wedged in the corner of the cage and sits Sasha on it and hits a dropkick off the apron on Sasha. Towards the end of the match, Becky is laid out in the ring and Sasha begins throwing every chair that she could find into the ring including one that nearly hits Becky in the face if she didn’t get her hands up. The finishing spot is Becky throwing Sasha from the top rope into the pile of chairs and locking in the Dis-Arm-Her. Sasha tries to hang and reaches up to pull on Becky’s hair with her free arm, but it’s not enough and she taps out. A great match to start off the show.

My Rating: ****

Match 2: Tornado Tag Team Match - Roman Reigns & Daniel Bryan def. Luke Harper & Erick Rowan (16:45)

Man, seeing Brodie here just kind of made me sad. We miss you, big man. If I’m not mistaken, this was his last match in WWE before he left for greener pastures in AEW. And what a match to go out on. This was very enjoyable. Roman and Bryan try to get the jump on the big men and manage to do so. But the two men who’ve been teaming for years quickly take the advantage. They toss around Roman and Bryan for a bit before the two faces fight back against them. Harper hits Roman with a suicide dive and his head off the announce table. Harper and Rowan tear apart the announcer’s tables and plan to destroy Bryan. Rowan lifts Bryan onto Harper’s shoulders for a powerbomb, but Bryan reverses that into a frankensteiner off the table, and then Roman runs across the tables and spears Rowan through the last table. A this is awesome chant gets going and they’re right. Harper hits Bryan with a top rope powerbomb on the inside and gets a near fall. He tries to finish it with the Discus Clothesline, but Roman gets back in and superman punches Luke, followed by a running knee from Bryan and finally a Spear to close the book on this match. Bryan goes to shake Roman’s hand after the match and Roman is about to accept, but Bryan takes his hand away and spreads his arms and a “hug it out” chant begins. Roman teases leaving before turning around and hugging Bryan. That image was crazy to see knowing that Roman would get Bryan’s final match in the company a year and a half later.

My Rating: ***3/4

Match 3: Randy Orton def. Mustafa Ali (12:10)

For a match that had no build up to it, (Really, this show only had 4 matches advertised for it) this was really good. So far, this show has been very good. Let’s talk about this match. It starts being a typical Orton match, but the pace picks up after Orton throws Ali into the ring post. Ali has a nasty bruise on his side for the rest of this match. Ali starts the come back and uses his style to throw Orton off his game. Towards the end of this match, Orton attempts an RKO, but Ali counters it by landing on his hands and bouncing back to his feet! He rolls Orton up and gets a near fall. Ali tries for the Slingshot Rolling Thunder only for Orton to counter it into an RKO to win. He may not have won, but I thought he looked good in defeat because Orton gives him the nod and a look saying “you almost had me.”

My Rating: ***1/2

Match 4: Women’s Tag Team Championship Match - The Kabuki Warriors def. Alexa Bliss & Nikki Cross (c) (10:25)

I can’t believe they turned Kairi Sane heel. She’s too likable to be a heel. Again, another not so bad match here. Call me crazy but I thought this match was pretty decent. Asuka and Kairi work over Alexa in their corner for a while before she makes the hot tag to Nikki, who runs wild on Asuka. Nikki goes to tag Alexa, but Alexa is distracted by Kairi and takes her down, and for some reason, that concerns the referee more than the two women in the ring. But it leads to Asuka breaking out the green mist for the first time I believe on Nikki, blinding her and hitting her with a kick to the head. And Asuka, being a professional, covers Nikki’s face up as the ref counts the pin so he can’t see the mist all over her face. It’s little things like that that most people probably don’t notice that I really appreciate. A good match actually.

My Rating: ***

Match 5: The Viking Raiders & Braun Strowman def. The OC via DQ (8:15)

This was an average 6-man tag. Early on, the Raiders get to show off their athleticism, until they start isolating Erik. Erik eventually tags in Braun and he runs wild on the OC. But the OC shut that shit down and gang up on Braun, causing the referee to call for a DQ. The Raiders come back in and fight with Gallows and Anderson. Styles goes for a Phenomenal Forearm and gets hit with a lights out punch from Braun in mid-air, because they’re building to Braun vs. Tyson Fury in Saudi.

My Rating: **1/2

Match 6: Chad Gable def. King Corbin (12:40)

Here comes Baron Corbin to bring the show down. He cuts a promo on Chad Gable before the match starts and makes a bunch of short jokes and dubs him Shorty Gable, which eventually leads to the Shorty G gimmick which I fucking… Grrrrrrrrr! This was as exciting as you can expect a Baron Corbin match to be. He just works on Cable for a while, until Gable fights back into the match. Corbin tells Gable to stay down, and eventually gets so frustrated that he goes outside to grab his sceptor. The referee takes it away and Gable rolls Corbin up from behind to win.

My Rating: **1/4

Match 7: SmackDown Women’s Championship Match - Charlotte Flair def. Bayley (c) (10:15)

This is the night the hugger died. This was Bayley’s last match as the happy-go-lucky good girl who wanted to give everybody a hug. At this time, they were teasing a heel turn so she didn’t have all of her good qualities that she once did, but this is essentially the final nail in the coffin of this character. This was another decent match, A match where Bayley tries to cheat to win a couple times and she even works over Charlotte’s leg. But Charlotte works over Bayley’s leg as well and ultimately, Bayley’s forced to tap out to the Figure 8 and Charlotte takes the title from the hugger. And Bayley throws a temper tantrum after the match. She sits on the floor feeling sorry for herself as the crowd chants “you tapped out” at her, and she tells them to shut up. Charlotte wouldn’t be the champion for long because the new Bayley would beat her on SmackDown later that week.

My Rating: ***1/4

Main Event: Universal Championship Hell in a Cell Match - Seth Rollins (c) vs. The Fiend… is a match that ended in a DQ or no contest, who the fuck knows (17:30)

Fuck this match… Fuck this match. I hate this match with every fiber of my fucking soul. I haven’t seen this match since the first time it happened, and as I watched it again now, all the boiling rage that I felt back then came back to me. I don’t think the end of a PPV has ever pissed me off as much as this one did. I will say, that I feel bad for Bray and even Rollins here. They tried their best to make this good. But you can be the best actor in the world, but if the movie you’re in is poorly directed and poorly written, that movie will be bad. The same goes for this match here. Before this match begins, Jerry Lawler on commentary mentions the fact that he had a front row seat to the Cell Match between Undertaker and Mankind and says he thought Mick was dead… Remember that by the end of this match. The first half of the match is all Fiend, he physically tortures Seth Rollins and he no sells basically everything that Seth throws at him. The Fiend brings out a heavy mallet that he plans to use on Rollins… remember that too by the end of this match! Rollins hits The Fiend with Superkick after Superkick and then he starts to hit him with Stomp after Stomp after Stomp and it’s at this point where the crowd starts to boo. Rollins hits him with 11 Stomps through the whole match (yes, I counted). Rollins hits him in the head with a chair, he hits him with a ladder. He puts the ladder on The Fiend’s head and smashes him repeatedly with a toolbox. But when he brings out the sledgehammer, suddenly he’s going too far. The referee tells him this is not he is and Rollins doesn’t listen to him and hits The Fiend with the sledgehammer and the referee calls for the bell… And I remember my reaction that I had back then to this day. A couple minutes of stunned silence, followed by “are you fucking kidding me?” The Fiend is of course not dead, he gets back up and tries to kill Seth Rollins but nobody fucking cares anymore because the match is over! This is a classic case of WWE booking themselves into a corner. They booked this match because they knew The Fiend had caught fire and they wanted him in a major main event match, but they had no intentions of taking the title off Seth Rollins either and it’s a Hell in a Cell Match so they can’t do a DQ finish. And looking back on it, I should’ve expected them to pull some stupid shit like this as a way of getting out of this corner. But The Fiend was able to recover, albeit briefly. You know what hasn’t been able to recover. The Hell in a Cell Match itself. This is the night this gimmick died to me. It had taken some hits over the years before this but this was the night WWE finally put a bullet in it. Jerry Lawler talks about the Hell in a Cell Match where Mick Foley almost legitimately died before this match starts. This was the ultimate feud ender for years, at least until the first HIAC PPV. The first Hell in a Cell PPV, the gimmick had been poisoned, and on this night, WWE finally put it out of its misery.

My Rating: Super mega DUD!!!!!!

Cagematch Rating: 3.27

My Rating: 5/10

My overall thoughts on this show is that it’s decent. The main event was awful but it had that great opener, a nice tornado tag after that. Orton vs Ali was good. This show wasn’t terrible. It just goes to show how important it is to stick the landing because the thing that people will most likely remember the most is the ending. So as an event as a whole, I give it a 5. If it wasn’t for that ending, it was gonna get a 6, but WWE dropped the ball.

Next up is the first WrestleMania of the series, WrestleMania 11. Hello, 1995, it's nice to see you again.