You know, before Mania I was planning on coming in here and claiming that I'm like this site's Undertaker, I've been here so almost the beginning but I only show up for WrestleMania and go on way longer than I should. After witnessing the man retire, that . . . doesn't really feel appropriate anymore. I know, I'm basically just saying it anyway right now by doing this, you're not going to get an "gotcha moment" with me, I'm aware that was a safe to both pseudo-mock a legend and also place myself on his level.
Anyway, I haven't been on here since I wrote my review for WrestleMania 32 almost exactly a year ago to the date, I don't expect a whole lot of members on here to know who the hell I am. I am, I have no clue who most of the members that posted in this thread were. I feel like I should've, I mean several of you have more posts than I did, you all just changed your usernames, didn't you? Like, I saw "Solid Snake" and was like, "Solidus? Finally a familiar face" then I realized it was just Brit in disguise. Thank god for CM Punk. Anyway for the 90% of you that don't know who I am, I'm the reason the scrollbar on this page is about a pixel long. Hyperbole aside though, I write excessively long reviews which admittedly, seems to have become predominant around here. I don't know if that's just Mania but I think there's a legitimate chance I won't have the most verbose post in this thread, I like that.
As for WrestleMania, first it's important to understand where I'm coming from because I'm not the most dedicated fan of the product. Back in 2013 I reviewed every PPV on here because I'm a stubborn idiot, and considering I had lost interest in WWE around the Royal Rumble, this was a very bad decision. Since then I basically only watched WrestleMania's, skipping XXX because apparently that was the good one so of course I missed it, up until WWE did the one thing that I always said would make me give them a second chance, a brand split. The brand split absolutely reinvigorated the product, or at least Smackdown, and since them I've basically watched a little wrestling each week. By that, I mean I watch the youtube segments of the shows that appeal to me, and have seen some PPV matches all year (most of the Rumble and just the Elimination Chamber match). So I went into WrestleMania 33 actually knowing the gist of most of the feuds and wrestlers themselves.
Real quickly the pre-show because it doesn't count towards my scoring, aside from the battle royal the matches were fine. Cruiserweight Championship was entertaining and I'm glad Neville retained, I don't think he should be losing that Championship any time soon, as much as I love Aries. The Battle Royal stunk like it always does but I do like that Braun managed to shove off like twelve or so guys off him. Like he lost but he definitely didn't look weak in defeat, it took basically all the competitors to tackle him twice to eliminate him. He's being protected. Can't help but think we should've just gotten Braun/Show at Mania though. Ambrose/Corbin was actually my favorite match of the pre-show. I really liked the pacing, the End of Days countered into the Dirty Deeds was a great finish too, though I suspected Corbin was winnning (pretty sure he's going to Raw). So probably like a 7 for the title matches and a 4 for the Battle Royal? Who cares, Mania time!
WrestleMania 33 Review
I Should've Never Doubted You AJ Styles
I think everyone here can collectively agree that the prospect of AJ Styles versus Shane McMahon wasn't a thrilling one, especially since Shane McMahon put on a terrible main event last year and the only good thing about said matches was impossible to be replicated without a stipulation. Even though AJ Styles is probably my favorite thing going in WWE, I was pretty sure that the best would could hope for was a forgettable quick bout that wouldn't linger on long enough to become painful. I didn't expect a twenty minute encounter that very well might've stole the show on a really great Mania. Admittedly, Shane got a little too much offense on for my liking, it's just hard to believe that Shane's on AJ's level when Cena needs like 8 FU's to beat him but regardless this match was excellent. I loved the early-goings in the match, stuff like AJ Styles using Shane's jersey to bring him closer for attacks or doing Shane's jig. Then the match delivered with plenty of great spots and counters. At this point Shane's failed Leap of Faith through the announce table is pretty rote but all those other spots were amazing. Shane catching Styles with a Triangle Hold from a springboard 450, Styles transition that into a partial Styles Clash (I don't remember who said it but the commentator who said that Shane only kicked out because he didn't get the full move on thank you). Shane doing a Shooting Star Press? Incredible. Shane countering a Phenomenal Forearm into a Float-Over DDT? Did it way more seamless than I thought possible, incredible. AJ Styles winning? Priceless.
Match Rating: 8/10
The Finger of Friendship
Going into WrestleMania, there was no storyline I enjoyed more than JeriKO's implosion. To be honest, I was a bit upset that the direction they went was the crystal clear, "We were never best friends" route, I was hoping for something a bit nuanced and it seemed during the Festival of Friendship that Kevin Owens didn't necessary enjoy doing that. Like on some level it hurt him, it was present throughout his dialogue during the Festival of Friendship. I heard there was some meeting he had with HHH or something (they didn't upload that onto Youtube so I trusted internet comments) but if that's true I still hope an eventual reveal of what took place their shaped KO's decision. Maybe they already revealed that, honestly I don't pay much attention to Raw.
Oh yeah, they had a match, it was a really good one like I anticipated. I loved the series of high flying moves into knees and how well the built to several spots like the apron powerbomb or Lionsault. The finger spot, and I'm aware that title doesn't make a ton of sense, was really great and seemingly tied back into that painting from the Festival of Friendship. The one thing that hurts it is that the finish felt anti-climatic despite being the proper ending, I'm not really sure what they could've done to prevent this but it definitely dampened the match.
Match Rating: 7/10
Probably My Favorite Women's Match in Mania History
I know that's a bold claim with 33 years of Mania and like 3 other good women's matches but this one was just a lot of solid fun without much flaws. Obviously the biggest competition in this category was the triple threat from last year, another great match that received the same score this one will, but last year's bout was a bit sloppier than this one and had a worse finish. As for this match, it was just a lot of fun, loved the triple teams on Nia. As someone who hasn't previously placed Charlotte on that high of a pedestal, she was easily the MVP of the match. Her Corkscrew Moonsault was a thing of beauty, her trying to hi-five her rivals after eliminating Nia was hilarious, and I loved the story with the exposed turnbuckle. She wasn't perfect though, she's still doing that stupid Figure 8. She never bridges properly and here it was probably intentional, but it was so obvious that she was just pushing Sasha (? Might've been Bayley to be honest memory's kinda hazy) to the ropes that it broke immersion.
That aside, the only other problem with the match is that the build cut any impact that the ending would've had. Bayley should not have won the Women's Championship on Raw, or if she did, Charlotte should've won via DQ at Fastlane. Bayley winning this match was a pretty underwhelming result, it lacked that Mania moment because she's toppled the queen at PPV and for the belt.
Match Rating: 8/10
Quadruple Ladder Match
Doesn't have the same ring to it as triple did, so the Hardyz are back! This news was so exciting that even the Network had a seizure and my streaming suffered severely throughout the entire match. Even with that hindrance, I can't help but say that this was easily the worst of the tag team ladder matches at WrestleMania, regardless this was a fun match that allowed each team to get their highlights and more importantly Jeff's still mental and jumped off a stupid tall ladder. I'm also glad Matt kept some of the Broken gimmick in tact, even if I myself barely seen anything involving it. I'm hoping a dilapidated boat gets involved at some point in this return, I hear about that a lot.
Match Rating: 7/10
Feels Weird Being so Positive, Thankfully This Was Rubbish
There was one good thing about this Mixed Tag match, and that was during Cena's entrance when he joked about the ridiculous size of the ramp (trust me, I was worried all night about Taker's entrance). Everything else about this was boring trash. I guess I shouldn't have expected Maryse to do anything more than one or two bumps, I mean it's not like she was a wrestler before or anything right? But that aside, I certainly didn't expect the match to be Miz dominating Cena with slow-plodding and boring offense until Cena & Nikki just finished the match in the ultimate Cena fashion, getting your ass handed to you all match then hit about five moves and win. To be honest, I don't even recall Cena hitting that much. It was unbelievably dull and one of my least favorite Mania Matches.
As for the post-match proposal where Cena talks about asking for consent to a drugged up girl like that isn't creepy was alright I guess. Look I wasn't the intended audience for it and I was kinda hoping she said "No" but it was clear that that wasn't going to happen because their was so clearly planned ahead of time. Like, I've been hearing about this proposal since like January, if random schmucks like me know about it, she'd have to be pretty daft not to recognize John Cena's intentions too. I actually don'tsuspect this was a surprise, they likely both knew going in that the match was ending with a proposal. This took up too much of my time regardless but good for them. Your match still sucked though.
Match Rating: 2/10
Triple H Keeps Rollins, Rollins, Rollins
I will not apologize for that pun, it's a tribute to Taker dammit. Anyway, Seth Rollins versus Triple H was easily a better bout than Triple H's last Mania match against Roman Reigns but I'd be lying if I said it was entertaining all throughout. I think the match would've benefited from cutting five or so minutes off it, there were definitely points where I was just eager for the match to end. And while I like that the played up the story of Seth's hurt leg, seeing him replicate the spot responsible (sunset flip powerbomb) and not being able to deliver it due to his hurt leg makes him look like an idiot. And while it was highly unlikely, I'm really upset we didn't see a Curb Stomp, or even a Curb Stomp attempt. The match was non-sanctioned, you can just incorporate the moves banning into the angle. Those gripes aside, and the last ones a little unfair, this match did have several moments that made up for it. The finish was perfect and I love the Pedigree trade-off sequence, one of the best moments of the night. And while I don't know that punk rocker Stephanie McMahon is more of my fetish than last years . . . jacket wearing dominatrix (? What the hell was she is), I still very much enjoyed it so kudos for that.
Match Rating: 7/10
WyattMania Fails Again
First off, fuck this match for not being a triple threat with best big man on the roster Luke Harper. Secondly what the hell were they thinking with the rest of this match. Let's start off with the obvious of Orton winning. Orton didn't need to win, this renders Wyatt's reign as worthless. The last two title reigns were worthless. Cena won the title just to tie a record and Wyatt won the title just so Orton can win at Mania. Full disclosure, I'm not a Bray Wyatt fan, the guy's fantastic on the mic but his character direction is terrible and I don't think highly of his in-ring skills either. On the other hand, I love Randy Orton, when he's not doing rest holds for most of the match, he's one of the most exciting guys to watch with one of the best collection of moves out there. He should not have won here. As an aside to this though, Wyatt's terrible Mania record isn't as terrible as many bring up. When your opponents are John Cena, Randy Orton, and the God Damn Undertaker victories don't come by often. Being in the ring with those guy at Mania, says a lot about their opinion on him.
But that leaves us with the other greater stupidity, Wyatt's bug projection magic. This was stupid. Very stupid. Very, very stupid. Not only in a, way too over the top way either, but also in a "Boo, Bray Wyatt sure is very, very stupid". Because he looked like an idiot. Fun fact, if you're attempting to play magic mind games, make sure it effects them. The first time he did it Orton retreated from the ring, the other two times, because we needed it to be a trifecta, Orton was lying down in the ring, unable to move because Bray wrestled him and knocked him down. But why try to capitalize on that momentum when you can freak out a referee who you probably want on your side. Also, loved when JBL pointed out Bray could've won by count-out. Not being sarcastic, that made me laugh but also, Bray is dumb. Very dumb.
Match Rating: 3/10
It Was At This Point, I Worried That The Women's Match Got Cut
Brock Lesnar vs. Goldberg was not a match I was interested in when it became clear that was the plan at Survivor Series but eventually I came around to the idea and will admit, this match delivered on everything it needed to do. It was quick, entertaining, and every move a high impact. With only four moves, they put on a pretty engaging match. Brock even kicked out of the Spear/Jackhammer combination, from what I recall that's only been done once before when Hulk Hogan's tag partner missed his cue. It was everything it needed to be, which makes it tempting to score it a 10 but I just can't when I didn't enjoy it that much.
Match Rating: 8/10
Did Anyone Tell Mickie & Becky That WrestleMania Doesn't Fall on Halloween?
Seriously, why were they dressed like that. Anyway, this was fine, nothing special. Not a lot of time was devoted to it and the workers did a good job of making do. Everyone got a moment to shine and even though Naomi's win has zero impact (my only thought was that they shouldn't have had her drop it then, Alexa's second reign was pointless, it was just like they reset to pre-Elimination Chamber). Not much else to say here, Ellsworth's jacket was funny.
Match Rating: 6/10
23-2
The match kinda sucked. At first it was entertaining, I loved Taker constantly throwing Roman outside and claiming it was "my yard" then "still my yard" and that Spear through the announce table was a sick spot. After that it became a boring slog to watch with some unfortunate botches (that Tombstone reversal was embarrassing). The match essentially became a perfunctory retirement match, like it understood the formula to an effective retirement match but didn't have any of the emotion tied to it. A lot of that is because the story building into this didn't really play into that from what I seen but there were several factors going against it. Roman Reigns doesn't have any interesting connection to Undertaker like Shawn did with Flair or Taker did with Shawn. The streak was already broken so the power of an Undertaker loss at Mania has already been diminished. & finally, with the way WWE books Roman and the state Undertaker was in, the writing was on the wall for a long time. Despite getting Jim Ross to call it, the whole match didn't really feel like an emotional conclusion to Taker's career. It's a sour note to the end of perhaps the greatest of all-time.
The post match stuff was pretty much perfect though, and I'm going to include that into the score to bump it up at least a point. I will say personally I was not emotionally devastated as I would've expected from his retirement because quite frankly, I said my goodbyes at WrestleMania XXVIII when I thought he was retiring at End of an Era. I kinda wish he did retired, I haven't seen his Non-Mania bouts aside from the Rumble and I missed The Streak ending match but nothing he's done since is something I feel I would've missed out on. Like people say if the streak going to end, Orton should've done it at 21 but then you'd miss out on the story from XXV-XXVIII and that's just not worth giving up over. But lackluster bouts with Punk, Wyatt, Shane & Roman, I wouldn't be bothered. But Taker went out in what I assume was the fashion he would've loved so I won't complain any further. I'll simple say, thank you Taker.
Match Rating: 5/10
Show Rating: 6.1/10
For reference, there is no weight to my system. So a 5 second squash match with zero build against Erick Rowan would have the same influence on the final score as a thirty minute HIAC that's been built for months. Neither of those were any good but you understand. I enjoyed the show more than a 6.1 but because I'm too lazy to do a scaled system, the score reflected is a bit lower than my enjoyment. Though honestly, five hour shows are way too draining and this five hours with padding. If they cut the stupid Pitbull concert, the hype packages (just relegate those to the pre-show), didn't shows ads for their own products (Final Fantasy makes sense, but Payback?), and had a ramp that wasn't the size of a Football Field, I feel like this show could've easily been condensed into a more consumable four hours. So, maybe consider a point docked for that.
Still, for reference 6.1 is extremely good for me. WrestleMania 32 got a 4.2 from and and WrestleMania XXIX got a 3.8. As for all the PPVs in 2013, Payback 2013 got a 6.3 and SummerSlam got a 6.1, everything else this Mania beat and I do hold Mania to a higher standard since WWE does too. This is easily one of the best Mania's of the past few years. My favorite since XXVIII at least, might be better but nothing on this card touches End of an Era so I think I lean with XXVIII.
