I mean, rate Raw.
Results:
Stephanie McMahon kicks off Raw tonight. Stephanie is beaming from ear to ear. Stephanie says she has been waiting to do this for weeks. She attempts to welcome everyone to Monday Night Raw, but Shane McMahon’s music hits. Shane gets in the ring and says hello to the crowd. Shane welcomes everyone to Monday Night Raw. Stephanie says she has a piece offering for Shane. She wants to show him that she is trying to embrace this new partnership. Stephanie hands him a bag and Shane pulls out the photo that Mr. McMahon stepped on a few weeks ago. Stephanie says let’s hear Shane’s ideas for tonight’s show. Shane says he is touched, so she can go first. Stephanie says, no now is about Shane. She does Shane’s crowd poll and predictably the crowd wants to hear from Shane.
Kevin Owens interrupts. Owens says it’s great to see Shane and Stephanie getting along. He says he has an idea since they can’t decide whose ideas should be heard. Owens goes on to say that he should get a shot at the Intercontinental title tonight. He destroyed Sami Zayn yesterday so he is entitled to it. Owens tells Shane he knows he won’t do the right thing, but Stephanie would. Owens is owed a title shot. Both Stephanie and Shane agree. Before they make a decision, Cesaro comes out and says the resident complainer interfered in his title match last night and he deserves another shot. Shane says Cesaro and Owens will face off to determine the number one contender. Owens is livid. He still hasn’t gotten his rematch from when he lost the title.
Cesaro vs Kevin Owens
As soon as the bell rings Cesaro puts Owens on the European uppercut train. Cesaro follows that with a running boot to Owen’s face. Cesaro tries to set up the swing, but Owens fights it. Cesaro double foot stomps Owens. Cesaro whips Owens into the corner, but Owens gets and elbow up, followed by a superkick. Owens gets crotched on the top rope. Cesaro hops up and suplexes Owens off the top rope. Owens whips Cesaro into the ropes, but Cesaro flips over the rope to the apron. Owens knocks Cesaro off the apron. Owens frog splashes Cesaro off the apron.
After a short break Owens German suplexes Cesaro. Owens follows that up with a cannonball in the corner. Owens whips Cesaro but Cesaro springboards off the ropes into a spinning European uppercut. Owens rolls to the outside. Cesaro follows and hits another roaring European uppercut, sending Owens over the barricade. Owens tries to grab the IC title to hit Cesaro with it, but Miz grabs it. Cesaro punches Miz and slides back into the ring. Cesaro swings Owens, but Miz jumps in the ring and attacks Cesaro
Winner- Cesaro vis DQ
After the match Owens and Miz attack Cesaro. Sami Zayn hits the ring to make the save. Zayn exploder suplexes Miz into the corner. Zayn hits the helluva kick on Owens. Zayn almost hits the helluva kick on Miz, but Maryse pulls him out of the ring. Zayn grabs the IC title and poses with
Backstage Stephanie runs into Dean Ambrose. Ambrose says he doesn’t buy it. At the end of the day she may be smiling, but she is still the same Stephanie. Stephanie says if she expected anyone to be willing to accept her it would be Ambrose. Stephanie says she will come on the Ambrose Asylum and answer any questions he might have for her.
Backstage Tyler Breeze is looking at himself in his phone. R-Truth has a stick with his cell phone duct taped to it. R-Truth is trying to form a team with Breeze. Goldust walks in and asks if R-Truth is trying to make him jealous. Goldust says he has his own partner. Fandango walks in. Breeze will face off with Goldust later tonight.
In the locker room AJ Styles tells Doc Gallows and Karl Anderson they are his friends and he appreciate them. Anderson says there is no way Reigns will be champion after Extreme Rules. Reigns walks in and says after last night he respects Styles. He doesn’t respect Gallows and Anderson. Reigns and the Usos challenge the former Bullet Club members to a match tonight.
Tyler Breeze vs Goldust
Before the match start, R-Truth hands Breeze a do-rag to put on. Breeze walks right into a right hand by Goldust. R-Truth is posing on the ring apron. Goldust gets distracted long enough for Breeze to roll him up from behind for the win.
Winner- Tyler Breeze
The New Day are in the ring. They note that Enzo Amore is ok. The Vaudevillains walk out to the ramp. Aiden English says what happened last night was tragic, but things happen. A real man would have gotten back up. English claims they are the number one contenders. Simon Gotch says last night he made Amore the realest guy in the emergency room. The Dudley Boyz come out and say that English and Gotch didn’t beat anyone yesterday. As far as they are concerned we need to restart the entire tournament right now. Big Cass comes out and says The Vaudevillains messed with his family. He is going to have finish what they started last night. Cass gets in the ring and everyone starts to brawl.
The New Day and Big Cass vs The Vaudevillains and The Dudley Boyz
Xavier Woods takes English over with a flying head scissors. Woods follows that with a basement clothesline. Big E. splashes English. Unicorn stampede in the corner by New Day. Woods floors Gotch with an elbow. Blind tag by Bubba Ray. Woods eats a big boot by Bubba Ray. The Vaudevillains and The Dudley Boyz take turns beating down Woods. D-Von misses a diving head-butt off the top. Woods tags in Kofi Kingston, who hits the boom drop on D-Von. English distracts Kingston long enough for Bubba Ray to dump him over the top rope. English drives Kingston head first into the ring post.
After a short break English has a side headlock locked on Kingston. Kingston fights out of it but ends up getting kicked in his head. English tags in Gotch, who lands a few stiff elbows to Kingston’s head. The heels have cut off the ring once again. Tagging in and out beating down Kingston. Huge vertical suplex by D-Von to Kingston for a long two count. The heels are putting on a clinic at this point. The Vaudevillains knock Big E and Woods off the apron. As soon as they both turn around, Kingston drop kicks them both. Kingston tags in Big Cass. Cass clears the ring. Cass picks up Gotch and tosses him clear across the ring with a fall away slam. Cass hits the empire elbow, but Bubba Ray pulls Cass off before the referee can count to three. Woods takes out Bubba Ray with a roaring elbow. Gotch knocks Woods out of the ring. The Dudley Boys call for 3D, but Kingston takes out Bubba Ray with a springboard cross body. Cass destroys D-Von with the east river crossing for the pin fall victory.
Winners- The New Day and Big Cass
Becky Lynch vs Emma
Becky tosses Emma over with multiple arm drags, followed by a drop kick. Emma retreats to the outside. Becky runs off the apron and hits a Thez press off the apron. Becky sits on the top rope, but Emma pulls her down by her foot. Becky hits her head hard on the mat. Snap mare followed by Emma’s signature hair pull. Butterfly suplex by Emma for a two count. Big boot to the face by Emma for another near fall. Emma-mite sandwich for yet a two count. Becky surprises Emma with a clothesline. Becky follows that with another clothesline. Beck-sploder suplex for another near fall. Becky tries to set up the dis-arm-her, but Emma rolls to the ropes. Emma poked Becky in the eye while the referee had his back turned. Emma obliterated Becky with a Michinoku driver for the win.
Winner- Emma
Dean Ambrose is in the ring and he welcomes us to the Ambrose Asylum. Ambrose calls Stephanie to the ring. Ambrose tells Stephanie he doesn’t believe for a second that she is as happy-go-lucky as she claims to be. Ambrose puts up a picture of Stephanie getting speared at WrestleMania. Stephanie says she was in the ring and she shouldn’t have been. Reigns taught her a valuable lesson. Ambrose notes that it has to sting that Shane has been gone for seven years but when he comes back he gets a hero’s welcome. She says it does a little, but the WWE Universe is a loyal bunch. Ambrose asks Stephanie if it bothers her that she has made so sacrifices over the years and Shane hasn’t. It has to sting. Stephanie says her father has taught her a lot of lessons. She is going to teach Ambrose one now: It’s time for a change. Stephanie cancels the Ambrose Asylum. Stephanie says they can’t leave a hole in the show, so she welcomes back Chris Jericho and “The Highlight Reel”. Jericho walks out and he and Ambrose get into a brawl. Jericho hits the code breaker. As Jericho is leaving the ring he picks up Mitch the plant and hits Ambrose with it.
Battle Royale to Determine the Number One Contender for the U.S. Title
Titus O’Neil eliminated Viktor as soon as the bell rings.
Titus O’Neil eliminated Damien Sandow.
Apollo Crews eliminated Stardust.
Curtis Axel and Bo Dallas eliminated Darren Young.
Sheamus eliminated Apollo Crews via a brogue kick.
Dolph Ziggler eliminated Baron Corbin. Corbin pulled Ziggler under the bottom rope and beat the heck out of him. Corbin rolls Ziggler back in the ring and tell Rusev to toss him.
Rusev eliminated Ziggler.
Sheamus eliminated Titus O’Neil.
Sin Cara eliminated Bo Dallas.
Sheamus and Alberto Del Rio team up to beat down Sin Cara. They whip him into the ropes, but hit takes them both out with a spring board moonsault. Rusev attacks Sin Cara from behind. Sheamus Irish Curse backbreakers Sin Cara.
Sheamus eliminates Sin Cara.
Rusev, Sheamus, and Del Rio team up and beat down Zack Ryder. They toss Ryder over the top ripe, but he hangs on. Sheamus tries to toss out both Rusev and Del Rio but they hang on. Del Rio kicks Sheamus in the head knocking him off the apron.
Del Rio eliminated Sheamus.
Ryder drop kicked Del Rio over the top rope.
Zack Ryder eliminated Del Rio.
Rusev eliminated Zack Ryder.
Winner and NEW number one contender for the U.S. title, Rusev!
Charlotte and Ric Flair are in the ring to address the “Chicago Screw Job”. Charlotte says Natalya pushed her to the limit last night, but she is still the women’s champion. Charlotte says there is no controversy: Natalya quit last night. She doesn’t want her title reign to have any controversy so the only person that can validate that Natalya quit needs to come to the ring. Referee Charles Robinson comes to the ring. Robinson says Natalya didn’t tap out, she verbally said, “stop it, stop it”. Charlotte ask if his relationship with her family had anything to do with what happened last night. Robinson says, “yes”, but then he says, “no”. Charlotte reiterates that Robinson’s decision was final.
Natalya sprints to the ring and grabs the mic out of Charlotte’s hand. Natalya says this isn’t Robinson or Charlotte, this is about Ric Flair. He paid a referee to help Charlotte win a match. Deep down, Flair knows the Harts are the best there is, the best there was, and the best there ever will be. Charlotte swings at Natalya, but Natalya decks her and kicks her out of the ring. Ric Flair takes off his jacket and gets in Natalya’s face. Natalya smacks him in the face and puts him in the Sharpshooter. Charlotte pulls her father out of the ring.
Backstage Charlotte and Ric Flair run into Stephanie. Stephanie tells Charlotte that she is going to face Natalya at Extreme Rules in a submissions match. Ric Flair is banned from ringside.
AJ Styles, Doc Gallows, and Karl Anderson vs Roman Reigns and The Usos
Reigns and Styles lock up. Styles goes behind Reigns and rolls him up for a two count. Reigns destroys Styles with a clothesline. Gallows tags himself in. Gallows drives Reigns into the corner. Reigns drives Gallows into the opposite corner. After a ten punch combo Reigns Samoan drops Gallows. Jey Uso tags in and dives off the top rope right into a big boot by Gallows....
(I think the guy doing the Raw results fell asleep so...)
AJ, Doc, Karl win
"Gallows and Anderson attacked Reigns and AJ was about to hit Reigns with a chair. AJ declined, however to do it. Gallows and Anderson preceded to beat up on Reigns on their own. The Usos came into the ring and attacked AJ, Gallows and Anderson with chairs. AJ defending himself, Gallows and Anderson by hitting the Usos with a chair. Reigns, despite AJ showing him mercy, speared AJ and hen beat him down, culminating in him putting AJ through the announce table" - Jacob Fox
Kevin Owens interrupts. Owens says it’s great to see Shane and Stephanie getting along. He says he has an idea since they can’t decide whose ideas should be heard. Owens goes on to say that he should get a shot at the Intercontinental title tonight. He destroyed Sami Zayn yesterday so he is entitled to it. Owens tells Shane he knows he won’t do the right thing, but Stephanie would. Owens is owed a title shot. Both Stephanie and Shane agree. Before they make a decision, Cesaro comes out and says the resident complainer interfered in his title match last night and he deserves another shot. Shane says Cesaro and Owens will face off to determine the number one contender. Owens is livid. He still hasn’t gotten his rematch from when he lost the title.
Cesaro vs Kevin Owens
As soon as the bell rings Cesaro puts Owens on the European uppercut train. Cesaro follows that with a running boot to Owen’s face. Cesaro tries to set up the swing, but Owens fights it. Cesaro double foot stomps Owens. Cesaro whips Owens into the corner, but Owens gets and elbow up, followed by a superkick. Owens gets crotched on the top rope. Cesaro hops up and suplexes Owens off the top rope. Owens whips Cesaro into the ropes, but Cesaro flips over the rope to the apron. Owens knocks Cesaro off the apron. Owens frog splashes Cesaro off the apron.
After a short break Owens German suplexes Cesaro. Owens follows that up with a cannonball in the corner. Owens whips Cesaro but Cesaro springboards off the ropes into a spinning European uppercut. Owens rolls to the outside. Cesaro follows and hits another roaring European uppercut, sending Owens over the barricade. Owens tries to grab the IC title to hit Cesaro with it, but Miz grabs it. Cesaro punches Miz and slides back into the ring. Cesaro swings Owens, but Miz jumps in the ring and attacks Cesaro
Winner- Cesaro vis DQ
After the match Owens and Miz attack Cesaro. Sami Zayn hits the ring to make the save. Zayn exploder suplexes Miz into the corner. Zayn hits the helluva kick on Owens. Zayn almost hits the helluva kick on Miz, but Maryse pulls him out of the ring. Zayn grabs the IC title and poses with
Backstage Stephanie runs into Dean Ambrose. Ambrose says he doesn’t buy it. At the end of the day she may be smiling, but she is still the same Stephanie. Stephanie says if she expected anyone to be willing to accept her it would be Ambrose. Stephanie says she will come on the Ambrose Asylum and answer any questions he might have for her.
Backstage Tyler Breeze is looking at himself in his phone. R-Truth has a stick with his cell phone duct taped to it. R-Truth is trying to form a team with Breeze. Goldust walks in and asks if R-Truth is trying to make him jealous. Goldust says he has his own partner. Fandango walks in. Breeze will face off with Goldust later tonight.
In the locker room AJ Styles tells Doc Gallows and Karl Anderson they are his friends and he appreciate them. Anderson says there is no way Reigns will be champion after Extreme Rules. Reigns walks in and says after last night he respects Styles. He doesn’t respect Gallows and Anderson. Reigns and the Usos challenge the former Bullet Club members to a match tonight.
Tyler Breeze vs Goldust
Before the match start, R-Truth hands Breeze a do-rag to put on. Breeze walks right into a right hand by Goldust. R-Truth is posing on the ring apron. Goldust gets distracted long enough for Breeze to roll him up from behind for the win.
Winner- Tyler Breeze
The New Day are in the ring. They note that Enzo Amore is ok. The Vaudevillains walk out to the ramp. Aiden English says what happened last night was tragic, but things happen. A real man would have gotten back up. English claims they are the number one contenders. Simon Gotch says last night he made Amore the realest guy in the emergency room. The Dudley Boyz come out and say that English and Gotch didn’t beat anyone yesterday. As far as they are concerned we need to restart the entire tournament right now. Big Cass comes out and says The Vaudevillains messed with his family. He is going to have finish what they started last night. Cass gets in the ring and everyone starts to brawl.
The New Day and Big Cass vs The Vaudevillains and The Dudley Boyz
Xavier Woods takes English over with a flying head scissors. Woods follows that with a basement clothesline. Big E. splashes English. Unicorn stampede in the corner by New Day. Woods floors Gotch with an elbow. Blind tag by Bubba Ray. Woods eats a big boot by Bubba Ray. The Vaudevillains and The Dudley Boyz take turns beating down Woods. D-Von misses a diving head-butt off the top. Woods tags in Kofi Kingston, who hits the boom drop on D-Von. English distracts Kingston long enough for Bubba Ray to dump him over the top rope. English drives Kingston head first into the ring post.
After a short break English has a side headlock locked on Kingston. Kingston fights out of it but ends up getting kicked in his head. English tags in Gotch, who lands a few stiff elbows to Kingston’s head. The heels have cut off the ring once again. Tagging in and out beating down Kingston. Huge vertical suplex by D-Von to Kingston for a long two count. The heels are putting on a clinic at this point. The Vaudevillains knock Big E and Woods off the apron. As soon as they both turn around, Kingston drop kicks them both. Kingston tags in Big Cass. Cass clears the ring. Cass picks up Gotch and tosses him clear across the ring with a fall away slam. Cass hits the empire elbow, but Bubba Ray pulls Cass off before the referee can count to three. Woods takes out Bubba Ray with a roaring elbow. Gotch knocks Woods out of the ring. The Dudley Boys call for 3D, but Kingston takes out Bubba Ray with a springboard cross body. Cass destroys D-Von with the east river crossing for the pin fall victory.
Winners- The New Day and Big Cass
Becky Lynch vs Emma
Becky tosses Emma over with multiple arm drags, followed by a drop kick. Emma retreats to the outside. Becky runs off the apron and hits a Thez press off the apron. Becky sits on the top rope, but Emma pulls her down by her foot. Becky hits her head hard on the mat. Snap mare followed by Emma’s signature hair pull. Butterfly suplex by Emma for a two count. Big boot to the face by Emma for another near fall. Emma-mite sandwich for yet a two count. Becky surprises Emma with a clothesline. Becky follows that with another clothesline. Beck-sploder suplex for another near fall. Becky tries to set up the dis-arm-her, but Emma rolls to the ropes. Emma poked Becky in the eye while the referee had his back turned. Emma obliterated Becky with a Michinoku driver for the win.
Winner- Emma
Dean Ambrose is in the ring and he welcomes us to the Ambrose Asylum. Ambrose calls Stephanie to the ring. Ambrose tells Stephanie he doesn’t believe for a second that she is as happy-go-lucky as she claims to be. Ambrose puts up a picture of Stephanie getting speared at WrestleMania. Stephanie says she was in the ring and she shouldn’t have been. Reigns taught her a valuable lesson. Ambrose notes that it has to sting that Shane has been gone for seven years but when he comes back he gets a hero’s welcome. She says it does a little, but the WWE Universe is a loyal bunch. Ambrose asks Stephanie if it bothers her that she has made so sacrifices over the years and Shane hasn’t. It has to sting. Stephanie says her father has taught her a lot of lessons. She is going to teach Ambrose one now: It’s time for a change. Stephanie cancels the Ambrose Asylum. Stephanie says they can’t leave a hole in the show, so she welcomes back Chris Jericho and “The Highlight Reel”. Jericho walks out and he and Ambrose get into a brawl. Jericho hits the code breaker. As Jericho is leaving the ring he picks up Mitch the plant and hits Ambrose with it.
Battle Royale to Determine the Number One Contender for the U.S. Title
Titus O’Neil eliminated Viktor as soon as the bell rings.
Titus O’Neil eliminated Damien Sandow.
Apollo Crews eliminated Stardust.
Curtis Axel and Bo Dallas eliminated Darren Young.
Sheamus eliminated Apollo Crews via a brogue kick.
Dolph Ziggler eliminated Baron Corbin. Corbin pulled Ziggler under the bottom rope and beat the heck out of him. Corbin rolls Ziggler back in the ring and tell Rusev to toss him.
Rusev eliminated Ziggler.
Sheamus eliminated Titus O’Neil.
Sin Cara eliminated Bo Dallas.
Sheamus and Alberto Del Rio team up to beat down Sin Cara. They whip him into the ropes, but hit takes them both out with a spring board moonsault. Rusev attacks Sin Cara from behind. Sheamus Irish Curse backbreakers Sin Cara.
Sheamus eliminates Sin Cara.
Rusev, Sheamus, and Del Rio team up and beat down Zack Ryder. They toss Ryder over the top ripe, but he hangs on. Sheamus tries to toss out both Rusev and Del Rio but they hang on. Del Rio kicks Sheamus in the head knocking him off the apron.
Del Rio eliminated Sheamus.
Ryder drop kicked Del Rio over the top rope.
Zack Ryder eliminated Del Rio.
Rusev eliminated Zack Ryder.
Winner and NEW number one contender for the U.S. title, Rusev!
Charlotte and Ric Flair are in the ring to address the “Chicago Screw Job”. Charlotte says Natalya pushed her to the limit last night, but she is still the women’s champion. Charlotte says there is no controversy: Natalya quit last night. She doesn’t want her title reign to have any controversy so the only person that can validate that Natalya quit needs to come to the ring. Referee Charles Robinson comes to the ring. Robinson says Natalya didn’t tap out, she verbally said, “stop it, stop it”. Charlotte ask if his relationship with her family had anything to do with what happened last night. Robinson says, “yes”, but then he says, “no”. Charlotte reiterates that Robinson’s decision was final.
Natalya sprints to the ring and grabs the mic out of Charlotte’s hand. Natalya says this isn’t Robinson or Charlotte, this is about Ric Flair. He paid a referee to help Charlotte win a match. Deep down, Flair knows the Harts are the best there is, the best there was, and the best there ever will be. Charlotte swings at Natalya, but Natalya decks her and kicks her out of the ring. Ric Flair takes off his jacket and gets in Natalya’s face. Natalya smacks him in the face and puts him in the Sharpshooter. Charlotte pulls her father out of the ring.
Backstage Charlotte and Ric Flair run into Stephanie. Stephanie tells Charlotte that she is going to face Natalya at Extreme Rules in a submissions match. Ric Flair is banned from ringside.
AJ Styles, Doc Gallows, and Karl Anderson vs Roman Reigns and The Usos
Reigns and Styles lock up. Styles goes behind Reigns and rolls him up for a two count. Reigns destroys Styles with a clothesline. Gallows tags himself in. Gallows drives Reigns into the corner. Reigns drives Gallows into the opposite corner. After a ten punch combo Reigns Samoan drops Gallows. Jey Uso tags in and dives off the top rope right into a big boot by Gallows....
(I think the guy doing the Raw results fell asleep so...)
AJ, Doc, Karl win
"Gallows and Anderson attacked Reigns and AJ was about to hit Reigns with a chair. AJ declined, however to do it. Gallows and Anderson preceded to beat up on Reigns on their own. The Usos came into the ring and attacked AJ, Gallows and Anderson with chairs. AJ defending himself, Gallows and Anderson by hitting the Usos with a chair. Reigns, despite AJ showing him mercy, speared AJ and hen beat him down, culminating in him putting AJ through the announce table" - Jacob Fox
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