Stopspot (+rep him if you can) does his "150 thoughts on Smackdown" thing. This is my "Probably Closer to 500 thoughts on Impact", coming to you via the youtubes since I was gone visiting friends last night
-"Previously on Impact: Clair dropped a bombshell that rocked AJ Styles's world": It's only been 8 seconds and this show's already a 0/10
-Kelly Kelly is jealous of that botched first impression
-This storyline has gotten to the point where it's just comical
-Sting's the new GM? Wonderful, That's the perfect way to use him
-He's in Crow mode too. Good
-Aries is out, and it's all about Aces and Eights
-I still don't care about it, probably because TNA does this every year
-It's not like Eric Bischoff can book anything else
-Then Angle comes out, this seems familiar
-Roode, ya know, because he deserves his own bullet
-Teddy Long announces a tag team match for later. Playa.
-Roode says that Storm's the leader of Aces and Eights... I have a hunch about this, not sure, but I'll spoil it just in case
-Babyface Storm attacks Roode from behind... I love this. Storm's acting like a human being should. +1 for that alone
-This doesn't feel the same without Roode being champ
-Are they seriously acting like Chavo Guerrero is a star? The dude just lost a feud to Hornswoggle! Casuals are loling hard at you
-The best woman's wrestler in the world is tagging with a now-comic relief character
-YAY TARA'S BACK! So is Mickie.
-It's a lot of fun watching Gail, Tara, and Mickie wrestle. These three should be competing every week. Good match.
-Fuck, spoke too soon, Madison was tagged in. Match sucks now
-Didn't really catch that, did Taz just say that there will be a fatal-4-way #1 contenders' match next week?
-I love Tara's moveset, hate her new ring attire, but love how revealing it is
-Madison remembered her panties this time
-TNA Knockouts not only give you wrestling ability, but leg-scissoring too!
-What the fuck was that finish? Rewatching
-Still can't tell
-Oh, so it's a crooked referee angle. God dammit.
-Velvet Sky just quit, so congrats to Madison Rayne for being the worst knockout TNA has.
-Wait, so THIS was the #1 contenders match? GREAT JOB TAZ AND TENAY! Jackasses
-Gail Kim couldn't carry Maddie to a good match, what makes you think Tessmacher can?
-This would be so much better if Winter was doing it. Bring her back already
-The cameraman is chasing down Roode. Live TV that feels live. TNA > WWE
-Bully Ray making a Chavo segment awesome. Pretty sure he can make the AJ/Claire crap good.
-So they're doing two weeks of Open Fight Night now? One week of callouts and another of the bonus stuff? Great idea
-Gut Check time. Sam Shaw gets Douglas Williams? Lucky him.
-Guy doesn't look too bad, but nothing special
-YES YES YES JOEY RYAN! SIGN THIS MOTHERF***ER ALREADY! 87%! 87%!
-Yeah, Smack Al Snow like the bitch he is!
-Rolling Chaos Theory, such an awesome finisher.
-Can Doug Williams get in shape and get back on TV?
-That wasn't enough of a showcase of Shaw, not even close. 3 minutes?
-Aries is trying to find an opponent from Ion? Not sure if this is more Aries TV time, or just more pointless shit
-Get Dakota Darsow and Rashad Cameron off my TV
-"Rashad Bowel Movement" lolololol
-Here's Chavo. He's still not a star
-And, they're throwing the unused Kash and the jobber Gunner at him? Wow.
-Not a bad promo from the guy, bad content imo. Kid Kash's heel work certainly helped.
-Hernandez botched jumping in the ring, then botched a clothesline. Rob Terry is in awe of this guy
-Mexican America 2.0, or LAX 3.0?
-Al Snow is pissed! "JACKASSES HAD TO GET IN THE WAY!"
-Decision is later? That's fine
-Claire recap!
1::upset::dafuq::haha::finger: My emotions are just conflicted, not sure if morbidly amused or just pissed off
-Styles vs Storm? Come on TNA, you can't screw this up.
-Claire's in the audience... never mind, they screwed it up
-Trying to pay attention, but after telegraphing a BS finish it's really hard
-It's also hard not to because, well, AJ Styles and James Storm
-AJ's offense always looks incredibly real
-Eye of the Storm! Haven't seen that in forever! Will we see a Spiral Tap?
-This kinda feels like a Punk/Bryan match. Not anything groundbreaking, the moves are mostly predictable, but damn this is good.
-Last Call! Sidestep! Pele'! Marking like crazy! Amazing match
-Aces and Eights... :facepalm1: Fuck's sake. That couldn't be a bigger anti-climax if they tried
-Then again, Claire was at ringside, so it actually could have been worse
-Nobody buys that James Storm is the guy behind this
-HEY JACKASSES: WAS IT A NO CONTEST OR WHAT? NO POINTS FOR ANYONE? OR A DQ? TELL US SOMETHING TAZ AND TENAY!
-Storm attacked the interviewer! Human beings ftw
-"You know, Sam, because of that jackass I couldn't see what you did tonight, but I'd love nothing more than to stick it up that punk Joey Ryan's ass and say yes"
1: But he said no for no reason
-Shaw stole his promo from Joey Ryan's Youtube page.
-He got the contract, so I guess he'll join Taelor Hendricks and Alex Silva on their collective couches.
-Sonjay Dutt, Kenny King, Zema Ion, Doug Williams, Kazarian, Kid Kash, Sabin, Sorenson... The X-Division is looking pretty good right now.
-Kenny King gets the shot, and the process of getting there made sense. Thanks for starting to get your heads out of your asses with this.
-Now go all the way and cut it down to one segment or have a Fatal-4-way
-To the idiots who don't say that cruiserweights can get over, I give you Ion and King. So much star power
-Is it just me, or does this same ref get all the Ion and EY matches?
-I take back everything bad I said about King, this guy's fucking awesome.
-I'd love to say more about this match but can't take my eyes off of it
-Bobby Roode? Why? This show feels Russo-booked
-Interference for no reason, a pointless swerve with Storm, a crooked referee angle, a faction storyline, matches being too short...
-"You get opportunities, the It Factor takes them away"
-This doesn't really advance the feud tbh
-They should get a second show just for Bully Ray to rant for 2 hours
-Ion and Roode vs Aries and King? inb4acesandeightsruinthat
-Now give us the real finish on PPV please
-Oh, so the AJ/Storm match counted as a double DQ and 2 points for both?
-HEY JACKASSES: TELL US THIS. IT'S NOT THAT HARD
-That doesn't even make sense. Wouldn't that be a -10 for both?
-Bully seemed impossible to have a technical match against, but dammit, Kurt Angle can do it
-A piledriver? Shocking
-Angle always kicks out of finishers, but his finishers aren't effective either. It always leads to an unpredictable finish.
-WHAT AN ANGLE SLAM! And Bully kicked out. Called it.
-Surprised by the match quality, and the clean finish.
-Le Obligatory Aces and Eights Appear
-I still don't care
-Tenay keeps saying that someone is letting them in... maybe they're letting Joey Ryan in too?
-Like how Aces and Eights are playing along with James Storm. Nice psychology setting up a fall guy like that.
-Angle vs Storm next week? Cool.
-It's hard to feel optimistic though, I can't help but feel that Aces and Eights will interfere.
+1 for AJ/Storm
+1 for Ion/King
+1 for Bully/Angle
+1 for TNA's booking of wrestlers like they're real people
+5 for NO FUCKING LIVE CLAIRE LYNCH SHITFEST
-2 for all the Russo crap
-2 for overexposure of Aces and Eights
-1 for no Joseph Park or (to a lesser extent) Devon
-1 for Taz and Tenay's ineptitude
4/10
-"Previously on Impact: Clair dropped a bombshell that rocked AJ Styles's world": It's only been 8 seconds and this show's already a 0/10
-Kelly Kelly is jealous of that botched first impression
-This storyline has gotten to the point where it's just comical
-Sting's the new GM? Wonderful, That's the perfect way to use him
-He's in Crow mode too. Good
-Aries is out, and it's all about Aces and Eights
-I still don't care about it, probably because TNA does this every year
-It's not like Eric Bischoff can book anything else
-Then Angle comes out, this seems familiar
-Roode, ya know, because he deserves his own bullet
-Teddy Long announces a tag team match for later. Playa.
-Roode says that Storm's the leader of Aces and Eights... I have a hunch about this, not sure, but I'll spoil it just in case
It's not James Storm
-This doesn't feel the same without Roode being champ
-Are they seriously acting like Chavo Guerrero is a star? The dude just lost a feud to Hornswoggle! Casuals are loling hard at you
-The best woman's wrestler in the world is tagging with a now-comic relief character
-YAY TARA'S BACK! So is Mickie.
-It's a lot of fun watching Gail, Tara, and Mickie wrestle. These three should be competing every week. Good match.
-Fuck, spoke too soon, Madison was tagged in. Match sucks now
-Didn't really catch that, did Taz just say that there will be a fatal-4-way #1 contenders' match next week?
-I love Tara's moveset, hate her new ring attire, but love how revealing it is
-Madison remembered her panties this time
-TNA Knockouts not only give you wrestling ability, but leg-scissoring too!
-What the fuck was that finish? Rewatching
-Still can't tell
-Oh, so it's a crooked referee angle. God dammit.
-Velvet Sky just quit, so congrats to Madison Rayne for being the worst knockout TNA has.
-Wait, so THIS was the #1 contenders match? GREAT JOB TAZ AND TENAY! Jackasses
-Gail Kim couldn't carry Maddie to a good match, what makes you think Tessmacher can?
-This would be so much better if Winter was doing it. Bring her back already
-The cameraman is chasing down Roode. Live TV that feels live. TNA > WWE
-Bully Ray making a Chavo segment awesome. Pretty sure he can make the AJ/Claire crap good.
-So they're doing two weeks of Open Fight Night now? One week of callouts and another of the bonus stuff? Great idea
-Gut Check time. Sam Shaw gets Douglas Williams? Lucky him.
-Guy doesn't look too bad, but nothing special
-YES YES YES JOEY RYAN! SIGN THIS MOTHERF***ER ALREADY! 87%! 87%!
-Yeah, Smack Al Snow like the bitch he is!
-Rolling Chaos Theory, such an awesome finisher.
-Can Doug Williams get in shape and get back on TV?
-That wasn't enough of a showcase of Shaw, not even close. 3 minutes?
-Aries is trying to find an opponent from Ion? Not sure if this is more Aries TV time, or just more pointless shit
-Get Dakota Darsow and Rashad Cameron off my TV
-"Rashad Bowel Movement" lolololol
-Here's Chavo. He's still not a star
-And, they're throwing the unused Kash and the jobber Gunner at him? Wow.
-Not a bad promo from the guy, bad content imo. Kid Kash's heel work certainly helped.
-Hernandez botched jumping in the ring, then botched a clothesline. Rob Terry is in awe of this guy
-Mexican America 2.0, or LAX 3.0?
-Al Snow is pissed! "JACKASSES HAD TO GET IN THE WAY!"
-Decision is later? That's fine
-Claire recap!

-Styles vs Storm? Come on TNA, you can't screw this up.
-Claire's in the audience... never mind, they screwed it up
-Trying to pay attention, but after telegraphing a BS finish it's really hard
-It's also hard not to because, well, AJ Styles and James Storm
-AJ's offense always looks incredibly real
-Eye of the Storm! Haven't seen that in forever! Will we see a Spiral Tap?
-This kinda feels like a Punk/Bryan match. Not anything groundbreaking, the moves are mostly predictable, but damn this is good.
-Last Call! Sidestep! Pele'! Marking like crazy! Amazing match
-Aces and Eights... :facepalm1: Fuck's sake. That couldn't be a bigger anti-climax if they tried
-Then again, Claire was at ringside, so it actually could have been worse
-Nobody buys that James Storm is the guy behind this
-HEY JACKASSES: WAS IT A NO CONTEST OR WHAT? NO POINTS FOR ANYONE? OR A DQ? TELL US SOMETHING TAZ AND TENAY!
-Storm attacked the interviewer! Human beings ftw
-"You know, Sam, because of that jackass I couldn't see what you did tonight, but I'd love nothing more than to stick it up that punk Joey Ryan's ass and say yes"

-Shaw stole his promo from Joey Ryan's Youtube page.
-He got the contract, so I guess he'll join Taelor Hendricks and Alex Silva on their collective couches.
-Sonjay Dutt, Kenny King, Zema Ion, Doug Williams, Kazarian, Kid Kash, Sabin, Sorenson... The X-Division is looking pretty good right now.
-Kenny King gets the shot, and the process of getting there made sense. Thanks for starting to get your heads out of your asses with this.
-Now go all the way and cut it down to one segment or have a Fatal-4-way
-To the idiots who don't say that cruiserweights can get over, I give you Ion and King. So much star power
-Is it just me, or does this same ref get all the Ion and EY matches?
-I take back everything bad I said about King, this guy's fucking awesome.
-I'd love to say more about this match but can't take my eyes off of it
-Bobby Roode? Why? This show feels Russo-booked
-Interference for no reason, a pointless swerve with Storm, a crooked referee angle, a faction storyline, matches being too short...
-"You get opportunities, the It Factor takes them away"
-This doesn't really advance the feud tbh
-They should get a second show just for Bully Ray to rant for 2 hours
-Ion and Roode vs Aries and King? inb4acesandeightsruinthat
-Now give us the real finish on PPV please
-Oh, so the AJ/Storm match counted as a double DQ and 2 points for both?
-HEY JACKASSES: TELL US THIS. IT'S NOT THAT HARD
-That doesn't even make sense. Wouldn't that be a -10 for both?
-Bully seemed impossible to have a technical match against, but dammit, Kurt Angle can do it
-A piledriver? Shocking
-Angle always kicks out of finishers, but his finishers aren't effective either. It always leads to an unpredictable finish.
-WHAT AN ANGLE SLAM! And Bully kicked out. Called it.
-Surprised by the match quality, and the clean finish.
-Le Obligatory Aces and Eights Appear
-I still don't care
-Tenay keeps saying that someone is letting them in... maybe they're letting Joey Ryan in too?
-Like how Aces and Eights are playing along with James Storm. Nice psychology setting up a fall guy like that.
-Angle vs Storm next week? Cool.
-It's hard to feel optimistic though, I can't help but feel that Aces and Eights will interfere.
+1 for AJ/Storm
+1 for Ion/King
+1 for Bully/Angle
+1 for TNA's booking of wrestlers like they're real people
+5 for NO FUCKING LIVE CLAIRE LYNCH SHITFEST
-2 for all the Russo crap
-2 for overexposure of Aces and Eights
-1 for no Joseph Park or (to a lesser extent) Devon
-1 for Taz and Tenay's ineptitude
4/10