Pure Pressure

[Starlight]

Normally I would stray away from posting this, but I feel like I need some advice. At the moment my head is filled with a millions things..why you ask..well here is the thing, my husband of 3 years is pressuring me into having another child. My current one is 1, and a handful in it itself, and everytime that convo has came back I would tell him No that I wont want anymore kids..I just dont have the patience for them anymore, so he would say no relax just take time to think it through then he would go over all the good things it is to have one. In the back of my mind I do think kids are a blessings, but I'm not ready for the second.

I would get annoyed because everyday that subject would come up, and with me saying no he would use the excuse that "how come its only your choice, and not mine?" Lately I've been giving him mixed signals just to make him happy which I know I shouldnt be doing. Am I selfish?? Last night we went over all the other reasons why I didnt want to bring another child into this world, then he would get mad and say that I'm going to destroy our relationship which makes me feel horrible He also mentions how he is going to leave me and have someone else's kid. Though I'm not sure if he was joking or being serious (Seeing as he has an odd sense of humor) What shall I do? I'm gonna have an nervous breakdown thinking about it.....

 

[Chris Michaels]

This is a simple situation. It does not seem that he is taking your thoughts about this into consideration. You are the one who has to go through all of the rough stuff with having a child, and while you are doing so, he is only going to sit back and tell you how sorry he is for getting you pregnant. You have to go through morning sickness, you have to go through mood swings, and you have to go through the actual child labor, so if you are not ready for that, plus the all night motions of having a newborn then he is being petty and selfish. I understand wanting a baby because the first is getting a little older, but your opinion is counted more than his based on what you have to deal with. If he told you he would leave you and have another womans child, regardless if he was joking or not, that is fucked up. If I was straight I would never tell a woman that because she didnt want to have my kid.

I dont mean to lash out on him, but you asked for an opinion and this happens to be my own. Try asking him what his major reasons are for wanting another child, and see if they are really an important one, or something to bide his time while home from work, and weigh out your options, but overall, it is your decision. Dont feel bad because you are not ready right now, you have to go through the rough stuff...not him...

 

[Starlight]

Yeah it was pretty f'd up what he said, and it upset me. He wants another one because he claims he missed those times, but saying and doing is a whole different story. I agree what you said overrall.

 

[Chris Michaels]

its fine to miss the experiences of raising an infant child, hell, i dont have kids, but i helped my aunt raise her two boys, and i loved it and i miss it. Changing diapers, rocking them to sleep, and seeing those cute little baby smiles meant everything to me, it helped mold me into an adult alot quicker than i expected, but that does not mean creating an argument with your loved one about it because they dont want a child at that moment. I am sure you would have another, but you are not interested right now, and he needs to take that into consideration too.

 

[Postman Dave]

Sounds like he''s being a bit of a dick tbh.

It's alright him saying he wants another, that's great, but you're the one who has to carry the child for 9 months and go through the pains of childbirth, so him being like this is out of order. You could perhaps suggested not right now rather than never, but that bridge has been crossed at this point and is possibly why he's acting this way. Not so much the fact you don't want another now, but you don't want another ever.

 

[Starlight]

Thanks everyone! I'll keep these words in mind

 

[Cyrus Riddle]

Judging from everything, I would say that your husband is definitely going off the deep end with his feelings. I can understand your situation given the fact that I would like to have another child and my wife doesn't. Honestly, I feel that it is solely the choice of the woman whether or not she is ready to put her body through pregnancy and child birth all over again. Having a one year old, your plate is pretty full, and not wanting to add another child to the mix is more than understandable. I feel that you are not being selfish at all, and in fact, I would venture to say that your husband is being selfish by acting out like a child when you tell him you don't want another kid right now. The best things to do is to compromise with one another. Obviously both of you are on opposite ends of the spectrum, so you need to find a middle ground and come to an agreement. If you don't want to have another child right now, he should be understanding and support that decision, and hopefully you two can agree to have one in a couple of years or so.

Also, for him to tell you that you would destroy your relationship and he will have a baby by another woman is insensitive and unfair to say to you, so for that he should be lucky I can't talk to him directly. Having an attitude like that will get him nowhere, and you shouldn't feel the need to cater to his wants and needs just because he feels that what he wants or needs. Ultimately, you make the decision and that's that, he can't use your body as some factory whenever he wants another child, and I would suggest that you hold your ground so he doesn't feel like he will win everytime you two argue...it will only make him believe that the hurtful things he said to you worked.

 

[Starlight]

Looks like thinks took a turn for the worse...:'( not sure if nothing could help me at this point.

 

[Petty]

Well, I don't think he should force it on you. But also you shouldn't have ever told him NEVER ever. It seems both of you aren't on the same page and the best way to get on the same page, is to talk. Talk it out. Don't tell him what he wants to hear, be honest. And he should be more considerate of your feelings. A one year old is a handful. And that's that. But communication is everything. And sometimes, guys say things when they are mad. You tell your husband you don't wanna have anymore of his kids ever, may make some people upset. That's normal, but not okay to go off the deep end and say what he said. Moreso, how has things taken a turn for the worst if you don't me asking?