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*We cut back from a commercial for Adrenaline Rush Ignition’s next Pay Per View event. A voice over says the words Welcome to the Syndicate. It is followed by Lord Fireshock’s theme song playing. *
*He walks out to the stage, with over whelming boos from the attendance. Lord Fireshock is very happy over the reception of his arrival, knowing that he and the other members of the Syndicate ruined Winter Wonderland. He smirks, as he pulls out a personalised microphone with the Syndicate logo on it from his suit jacket. *
Lord Fireshock: From my reception of my arrival, I can’t help but feel, like some of you are just a tiny little bitter over the destruction caused at Winter Wonderland.
*Crowd chant f*ck you Syndicate*
Lord Fireshock: Oh, sweet sweet bliss. I hope everyone enjoyed it, because Winter Wonderland was only the first chapter of our story. For a while, I have had to sit at side lines, watching undeserved fools given chance after chance. Men chosen by those in charge, who rather put them on a pedestal and make them the big faces of this company. Chris Young, Emerson Zayne, Minho and Luis Alvarado. Chosen by our deluded General Manager Jet Starr and his assistant of even more stupidity assistant Marie Quinn to be given these spotlights of frame.
*Chants of Jet Starr begin to consume the arena. *
Lord Fireshock: While, far superior talents such as War, Todd Mckay, Tyson Storm and me Lord Fireshock were undervalued for far too long. So, at Winter Wonderland we simply took matters into our own hands and your golden boys Jet were left bruised, beaten down and broken. By the end of the night people were not talking about them, they were talking about the Syndicate and about how your Pay Per View was left in shambles.
*Crowd boo*
Lord Fireshock: Tonight, Jet thinks he has one upped us by putting me against my fellow brother in arms and a diamond in the wrestling industry today Tyson Storm. Oh, Jet you never were very bright were you? For you see Mr Starr, the Syndicate always has an ace up their sleeve. You know the best part is, you won’t know when, you won’t know how and you won’t see it coming. The Syndicate is not here not take part dear peasants, we are here to take over Ignition one piece at a time.
*Fireshock puts the microphone back in his jacket. Before walking backstage, Lord Fireshock looks directly at the camera and says. *
Lord Fireshock: Jet from me to you.
*Fireshock puts his middle finger up at the camera, smiling with evil intent and turning around to walk backstage. *
When I read this the first time, I have to admit, I was pretty happy with the way you went about it, because it went along so well with my promo for Terra. You called Jet out on personal bias as well as working the system against you guys, and it works so well for my plans to come. Moving on from that though, I did like the way you went about this, as you spoke more on the whole reason that the group came together in the first place. You all felt that you were being looked over in exchange for talents like Luis, Minho, Emerson, and Chris (which also gave reason for why they were the ones that you guys attacked. Not only that, but you kinda brushed those guys aside, setting your focus on Jet, which leaves the door open for you all to get blindsided later on should any of those 4 want revenge. Also, you flaunted Lord Fireshock's assets just with the simple inclusion of him having his own personalized Syndicate microphone.
Your situation with Strowman doesn't apply, Strowman isn't a commentator, it doesn't matter if Bryce used to be anything. He shouldn't be prepared to be attacked by four guys as he is only a commentator. Fair enough if he could get one of us at a time but if Todd and War both go for him and he manages to fight us off, it makes us look like pussies and makes us look weak far too early in our groups run. That's the most realistic way to look at it. You could argue a separate point that it's making Bryce look weak if we just beat him up but .1 he's a commentator and .2 it's the newest group in ignition, we shouldn't be made to look so weak as a unit on our second week as a group.
Just because Bryce is a commentator doesn't mean he ever quit training. Plus he's also only been off for a year from competing on television. Plenty of superstars have made returns to the ring in real life after close to a year and they were still performing like they never left, if not better. Also, as I said before, it doesn't make you guys look weak. Not all groups have to be a completely dominant faction. Sometimes focusing more on the numbers, organization, and leadership can make a group look stronger than if they were just completely dominant. Because otherwise that means that the next group that comes in to take them down has to look stronger. If dominance was all your group had going and another group shows up that shows more dominance than you, then you're done. There's no coming back from that. But if your group is built on the three factors that I mentioned before, then when that more dominant group shows up later, it won't matter because you guys would be capable of bouncing back from it instead of being brushed aside.
When I read this the first time, I have to admit, I was pretty happy with the way you went about it, because it went along so well with my promo for Terra. You called Jet out on personal bias as well as working the system against you guys, and it works so well for my plans to come. Moving on from that though, I did like the way you went about this, as you spoke more on the whole reason that the group came together in the first place. You all felt that you were being looked over in exchange for talents like Luis, Minho, Emerson, and Chris (which also gave reason for why they were the ones that you guys attacked. Not only that, but you kinda brushed those guys aside, setting your focus on Jet, which leaves the door open for you all to get blindsided later on should any of those 4 want revenge. Also, you flaunted Lord Fireshock's assets just with the simple inclusion of him having his own personalized Syndicate microphone.
Just because Bryce is a commentator doesn't mean he ever quit training. Plus he's also only been off for a year from competing on television. Plenty of superstars have made returns to the ring in real life after close to a year and they were still performing like they never left, if not better. Also, as I said before, it doesn't make you guys look weak. Not all groups have to be a completely dominant faction. Sometimes focusing more on the numbers, organization, and leadership can make a group look stronger than if they were just completely dominant. Because otherwise that means that the next group that comes in to take them down has to look stronger. If dominance was all your group had going and another group shows up that shows more dominance than you, then you're done. There's no coming back from that. But if your group is built on the three factors that I mentioned before, then when that more dominant group shows up later, it won't matter because you guys would be capable of bouncing back from it instead of being brushed aside.
Bryce was one of the most dominant figures, face or heel, in the history of this league. I'd say he's in the same league as Luis Alvarado. Bryce has been in and won handicap matches. Bryce only ever lost like 3 matches, but was only ever pinned once. I spent three years building Bryce into a monster, and less than a year of commentating isn't going to magically turn him into a guy who is just going to lay down and take an ass-kicking from a group of new guys when he is a hardened veteran.
Bryce was one of the most dominant figures, face or heel, in the history of this league. I'd say he's in the same league as Luis Alvarado. Bryce has been in and won handicap matches. Bryce only ever lost like 3 matches, but was only ever pinned once. I spent three years building Bryce into a monster, and less than a year of commentating isn't going to magically turn him into a guy who is just going to lay down and take an ass-kicking from a group of new guys when he is a hardened veteran.
I'll give some feedback. I have dropped the school due to various reasons (mainly too many things on my plate, a string of having to do excuses, not as many people being part of it or too many people in it at a time to manage), but I'm still open to look at promos.
First, for the formatting, I feel as though you should probably use a less bold colour for your description font. Maybe a blue like this or a red like this can work if you want those colours
Second, something I have seen a lot for this league is not crucial but is more a bit of a pet-peeve. Not spacing your promos slightly is a bit of an eye sore as that kind of makes things look crunchy....
*Todd McKay appears on the titantron right as Jake Lott finishes his conversation with the fans and Tony Eckert. He seems visibly annoyed with the fans who have been chanting for Chris Young as the stadium began to fill up. He has a mic in his hand. He is dressed in jeans, a Bryce Frisco T-shirt and Adidas nova bounce shoes (orange and dark blue with white stripes) He waves as the crowd begin to boo, he slowly puts his arm down before beginning on his rant*
Todd McKay: You fans are so stupid! All you do is chant and cheer for the plainest most boring men in the industry when the future is standing right in front of you. Then again what can I expect from such primitive minds as those from Chicago.
*Todd pauses as the boos he is getting are too loud for anyone to hear him including himself. As we all know Todd loves his own voice so doesn't want to miss an opportunity to hear it. The boos begin to settle down as Todd raises the mic*
Todd McKay: I can take a wild guess that you guys don't really like me. Too bad I don't give a damn isn't it. You guys like wrestlers like Minho (Inexperienced), Luis Alvardo (Entertainer not wrestler) and Emerson Zayne (Just plain weird). All of those guys are here to entertain and The Syndicate. Well we're here to wrestle. We couldn't care less about the fans we're just here to win titles and go down in history.
*The fans begin to boo before Todd tells them to shut up which they surprisingly do*
Todd McKay: Someone on the opposite end of this spectrum is the IC champ Chris Young who is here to try and enchant the wrestling fans into liking him. Let me tell you now that he is a fake only trying to get the fans to love him so he can get title shots and build his brand. Now tell me, would you rather have a group of people telling you the truth about their intentions or one man trying to keep his intentions hidden. I know what I'd rather have, but I'll leave it up to you
*Todd lowers the mic before raising his hand to wave goodbye to the fans, before he can the boos start and the titantron turns back to the Adrenaline Rush logo while the commentators begin to speak about what just happened and what Todd said*
That honestly makes things look a bit more clear and more visually appealing and it separates things in paragraphs.
As well, I feel as though this promo doesn't have a clear beginning, middle, and end. You start and just jump in calling the fans stupid. Which, I get that you're a heel, but it is cheap heat for the sake of cheap heat. If you're going to insult the fans, you need to lead into it and make it connected. I get the whole idea of you're talking about people who are wrestler's vs those you call "entertainers," but I feel as though you could have gone about it another way. There needs to be a clear start, middle, and end and you need to prove your point. Like a thesis for your school papers. As well, the promo seems as though it was not well done. The end of a promo needs to hammer home a message, show intentions, make people think beyond saying "I'll leave it up to you" and that doesn't do anything for me.
Another minor issue, you have the fans cheering for Chris Young, but I think he is a heel. At least, that has pretty much has been Chris Young's disposition most the time I've known Impact. So, if I am correct, him being cheered is a bit questionable of a choice.
Also, I have a question, what is Todd McKay's character/gimmick? I would not mind knowing. I honestly didn't know what it was for a long time minus the fact previously he had the best facial hair in the world with his mutton chops and now that you're part of a stable and a heel that has changed probably. Just curious and knowing it can help a bit to see where you can improve.
Any thoughts on this promo, been thinking about this one for a while like to know what everyone thinks the good and bad sides of it ? Kayfabe - Vengeance with a Smile
Any thoughts on this promo, been thinking about this one for a while like to know what everyone thinks the good and bad sides of it ? Kayfabe - Vengeance with a Smile
I liked it, but have to say I wish you wouldn't have made it... my reasoning you'll find out once @Jet Starr decides to continue our TerraNova Show promo
I liked it, but have to say I wish you wouldn't have made it... my reasoning you'll find out once @Jet Starr decides to continue our TerraNova Show promo
