Pissing off telemarketers

[We Are Legion]

I worked as a telemarketer in high school for about 3 months, and it was unquestionably the worst job I've ever had. Your whole job is practically getting bitched out by everyone in town all day long, and with good reason.

So I stumbled on this list of ways to piss them off when they call you, and wanted to know if anyone here has ever had some fun with those fuck bags.

Telemarketing system: 71 ways to piss off telemarketers

1. Tell them that you are busy "right now". and should call later in 10 minutes. Tell him the same thing next time he calls for 20 times in a row. If he is persistent and calls again the 21st time tell him you are busy becouse you are dead and go kill himself to join you.

2. Prepare a recording with a child voice screaming...HELP HEEEEELP...leave me my money! and tell the telemarketer to hold the line. After 15 minutes if he is still there, hang up.

3. Tell the telemarketer that the person he is looking for is in the shower and put on hold as long as you can

4. Tell the telemarketer : "common man, i'm in the middle of a robbery here. Don't waste my time"

5. If the telemarketer is a male ask him if he enjoy playing sexual games with old ladies. If she is a lady tell her you are a virgin and need help.

6. Tell long stories about your dog and how beautiful is his skin. Everytime the telemarketer tries to speak from the script say: "just a second..just a second this story is amazing"

7. When you realize the voice on the phone is a telemarketer's ..start laughing and laughing land laughing like this guy here then after 5 minutes if he is still there, suddenly ask seriously: "Can i help you?"

8. Act like this guy. Guaranteed results.

9. Pretend to be someone else and say "God, i'm too fat" every five words.

10. Tell the telemarketer you are alone and you need a hug. Then start crying : "Maaaamaaaaa"

11. Ask the telemarkter if he/she is "gay". Please be gay. You can be Gay. My dog is gay.

12. Ask who is looking for, then say the person was killed in a homicide and you are a policeman investigating the case. This example made me fart

13. Act like a fool.

14. Answer to his questions using a soundboard. Like Al Pacino in Scarface?

15. Beware of testimonials that you have no way of verifying. Say George Bush is your uncle.

16. Register your number in Do-not-call registry

17. Keep him on the line as long as possible. If he speaks about mortgages ask him about a lot of detalis such as: mortgage refinance, what is the adjustable mortgage rate if he knows anything about mortgage taxes and so on.

18. You answer the phone normally, and upon hearing it's a telemarketer, you ask them to hold for a second while you put "Albert" on. Albert is your automated attendant.

19. You're listening intently to the telemarketer's scripted speech and apologize as you are performing an important surgical procedure

20. Try putting this on the robot. If you want to spend some money for more samples..visit A.T.A.K

21. Give the telemarketer your "bad-times e-mail adress" and after receiving his email spam back.

22. Suddenly speak in another language when you realize you speak with a telemarketer.

23. Ask the telemarketer when he/she is born, then read their horoscope from

24. if they ask you if you'd like a new free credit card, say, "I'm sorry, My mommy won't let me have a Credit Card." or "Can I use the card to pay my crack dealer?"

25. When the telemarketer says they're from an insurance company respond that you have many death threats against you and you wish to take out their highest paying insurance policy, immediately.

26. Say in perfect English, "I don't speak English, sorry"

27. Say "Want to hear a cool noise?" ... then hang up.

28. Tell them to please hold while you do your buisness. Then making farting sounds in the phone and after 30sec come back breathing hard.

29. When they start talking, begin to listen. Then, in the middle of their speech, moan and say "(name of same gender), Stop it! I'm on the phone!" Apologize to the telemarketer and let them continue to talk. Moan sensually again, and say any of the fun phrases you can think of. Example: "Oh honey don't stop it feels so GOOD!"

30. When the telemarketer calls, act very interested. Say you'll order the product, and then when they ask for your address say "1600 Pennsylvania Avenue, Washington DC"

31. This is good: say "Oh they moved, and give them the number of someone you hate."

32. Question the legality of every statement they make, ex. "Are you sure vacuum's are legal in my state?" ... "Are you sure I can travel without being arested?"

33. If they tell you you have won a prize (these always fake), tell them that when you entered you decided that you like the prize so much you already went out and bought it. If they ask you which model/type, tell them that you couldn't decide and bought them all.

34. Simply say "no thank you" and then smoothly offer to sell your 1988 ford f150.

35. When a telemarketer calls say: "Hey, I am on the fifth level of (game name here) and if you could just wait on hold for 5 minutes that would be great!"

36. If it is a travel agency say that you are a pothead and you want to go to Columbia. Keep asking him how much he pays for weed in Columbia, until he hangs up

37. Sing in a Mentally Insane Voice at every question they ask: "I'll never tell...I'll Never Tell, I'LL NEVER TELL!"

38. If the telemarketer asks if your parents are there, act like you get them, and then start swearing at the kid for giving the phone because it was a telemarketer.

39. Talk to them as is you are interested, then put the phone close to the toilet and simply flush.

40. Pretend to be an old man who can't hear well and speaks with a heavy accent. This gets the telemarketer yelling and repeating themselves. Every time they start to hang up begin saying how much you like the product to keep them on.

41. When the telemarketer starts talking, interupt by saying: "Wanna play the Penis game?" Then without wating for a response say: "I'll start" and scream "PENIS" as loud as you can.

42. Tell them it is dinner time, BUT ask if they would please hold. Put them on speaker phone while you continue to eat at your leisure. Smack your food loudly and continue with your dinner conversation.

43. When they attempt to sell you a product, tell them you're sorry, but you're going to jail the following day. If they wanted to call back in 4 years, you'd be happy to talk business with them.

44. If they say they're John Doe from XYZ Company, ask them to spell their name. Then ask them to spell the company name. Then ask them where it is located, how long it has been in business, how many people work there, how they got into this line of work if they are married, how many kids they have, etc. Continue asking them personal questions or questions about their company for as long as necessary.

45. Tell them you are hard of hearing and that they need to speak up . . . louder . . . louder

46. Tell them to talk very slowly, because you want to write every word down.

47. Play the Telemarketer Fun Game

48. When they ask you how was your day. Explain in much detail every event and thought of your day. Example: Well my alarm went off this morning at 6:00 and I really didn't feel like getting up but I had to...Then, I stumbled into the shower...

49. It doesn't matter what they say, but after they say it. Say something funny like "I see black dots"

50. Ask what company they represent, then say "Oh I'm sorry, that must be a horible place to work!

51. Every time they say something bang something against the phone and wait a few seconds and say "oops I dropped the phone". Then talk to them a few seconds then do it again. When they're done ask them repeat the whole thing because you fell asleep.

52. Wait for the telemarketer to go half way through his discription and say: "I lowered my cholesterol!"

53. Cry out in surprise, "Bob, IS that you? Oh my God Bob, how have you been?" Hopefully this will give Bob a few brief moments of terror as he tries to figure out where the heck he could know you from.

54. When they're done explaining what they have to say, loudly yell into the phone "ahhh I just got hit in the balls, let me go check if they're all there!" whisper in to the pone just loud enough so they can hear"1...2...3...4...5" then yell "Alright! they're all there!!!"

55. Tell them you have to translate for the person they asked for because they don't speak English. Continue to "translate" by saying gobble-de-gook in the background, then scream "WE DONT WANT ANY"

56. When they ask you to buy something, say "Fine, but only if you buy my little brother. How's two dollars sound?"

57. When they start talking say something like, "Hello? Hello! Is anyone there? I can't hear you! What? I'm sorry, what was that? The signal isn't going through! I don't understand you sir? Hello? Are you there?" And then hang up.

58. Tell the telemarketer you have someone on the other line and to hold on a second, press a button on the phone and say "Hey Susan, I'll have to call you back I have one of those stupid telemarketers on the other line" press a button again and say, "Now what was it you wanted?"

59. Respond "Shhhh!!! (name they ask for) is sleeping, your too loud please be quiet" After they quiet down, say again "You're still too loud!" do this until they get to a very quiet whisper and then scream "IM SORRY I CANT HEAR YOU, YOUR TOO QUIET!!!"

60. During their speech ask "Why?" after every sentence they speak.

61. Repeat what they say. Keep repeating them until they ask you to stop, when they ask why. Reply that you are training to be a telemarketer.

62. Say "yo momma" after everything they say.

63. After every question they ask, say "maybe"

64. Say in a whisper loud enough to be heard "do you have the weed?" If the telemarketer says he's calling the police offer him some for free.

65. Say, "Hold on one second" find a large metal object and slam in on the ground as hard as you can, after doing so, yell "MY LEG" as loud as possible. Keep screaming until they hang up

66. When a telemarketer calls say : "OH, CRAP I LEFT MY BABY BROTHER ON THE MICROWAVE AGAIN" and hang up.

67. When telemarketer asks you how you are say "not so good, I just found out I have cancer, my dog got hit by a car, and my friend hung himself." Then ask "How are you?"

68. When the telemarketer calls say, "I didn't kill him, it was accident, what do you want from me?" Keep screaming the same response until they hang up.

69. Hello, you have reached the Public Safety Department, We specialize in the termination of Telemarketers. This is (your name), How may I help you today ?

70. When you answer the phone, say hello in a really low voice like the volume on your phone is down...and keep saying hello in a low voice until they hang up.

71. If you discover you are speaking with a telemarketer say : I'm sorry the number you are trying to reach is out of service, please hang up and DON'T try again.

From experience, the worst one I ever heard when I was a telemarketer was an old lady saying, "He's been DEAD for 6 years and no one ever calls here unless they want MONEY." and then she started crying. Pretty much ruined my whole day.

 

[PHX]

I always just hang up on them without warning or one time just kept saying no every few seconds. I get it's their jobs but they make me not want a house phone.

 

[Deezy]

I just tell them to get a better job like working for Apple for 30 cents an hour making Ipads and shit.

 

[The Wrestling Addict]

I'll just tell them there getting on my fuckin nerves, so leave me the hell alone.

 

[Heisenberg]

I usually just tell them to fuck off and hang up.

 

[Defiant]

I work in a call center, but in a market research facility where I'm recruiting people (that have signed up with us and are in our database) to come in for 30-60 minutes to try a product and get paid for their time. People are obviously a lot more co-operative over the phone. In this line of work, the ones that still tell you to fuck off are actually the dumb ones.

As for telemarketing and sales, I have a couple of friends doing that and yes, they get bitched out all day. And I get paid more than them. Its hilarious.

 

[We Are Legion]

Yeah telemarketers don't usually get paid jack shit.

I made a cool $130 a week back in '01 doing that nonsense. And it was in a terrible part of town.

 

[Killswitch]

They never pronounce my last name right, and when they don't I usually lash out swearing and threatening them of their life if they call back again.

 

[Deuce]

Will be using most of these, telemarketers piss me off.