KIF's Sim League(Moved From VIP)

[Chris]

No I think forcing Orlando Jordan and an attractive woman showing skin on the Saudis is funnier tbh

 

[Kiffy Lube]

Will be simmin' tonight.

 

[Leon TrotSky]

KSL.COM exclusive

LVE: "Okay, Orlando and I just got off, and they told both of us our plane back home needed repairs, so would be delayed. Cool. So, I guess getting back to Immortal TV's gonna be harder than we thought."

OJ: "Lacey, Lacey, Lacey. Think of it this way. How would they know it would need repairs if it hasn't made it here yet?"

LVE: "Uh... I don't know. But we should be fine! The flight video said this place is very progressive! They've got the best female drivers here!"

OJ facepalms.

 

[Kiffy Lube]

Immortal's The Great Al-QaeDAH Bash
Live From the King Abdullah International Stadium in Jeddah, Saudi Arabia

IC Title Match: Lince Dorado(Ingonious) v.s Asuka(Grim)(c)
Winner: Lince Dorado after hittin' a Shootin' Star Press where his knee lands on Asuka's head, knockin' her out.(21:56) ****1/4

Wade Barret & Nick Aldis(Dmac) v.s Candice LeRae & John Cena(Sass & Jimmy King)
Winners: Candice LeRae & John Cena by countout after Cena hit a jumpin' FU off the apron through the announcer's table to Barrett and was the only one to make it back to the ring.(12:41) ***

Hardcore Title Match: The Undertaker(Chris) v.s Apollo Crews(Ingonious) v.s Goldberg(Juice)(c)
Winner: Goldberg after catchin' Undertaker goin' for his summersault Lariat and turnin' into a quick Jackhammer.(13:25) ***

Roddy Piper(Father Blaze) v.s Brodie Lee(OMB)
Winner: Roddy Piper after hittin' third Piledriver.(15:59) ***

No DQ, Tag Team Titles Match: Dusty Rhodes & Ricky Steamboat(Father Blaze & Keith) v.s Arn Anderson & Daniel Bryan(HoHo & Jimmy King)(c)
Winners: Arn Anderson & Daniel Bryan after a Spinebuster from Arn on Steamboat, Bryan hit a huge divin' headbutt followed by his Yes! Lock which Steamboat has to tap to.(24:26) ****1/4-****1/2

Non-Binary Title Match: Lacey Von Erich w/Orlando Jordan(Sky) v.s Kevin Owens(Jimmy King)(c)
Winner: No on when the match caused a riot and Lacey and Jordan had to be saved by security.(2:16) Wild

Submission Match: Ric Flair(Grim) v.s Shelton Benjamin(Mitch)
Winner: Shelton Benjamin after Flair was in the Dragon Sleeper for several minutes he finally gave it up.(31:53) ****3/4

Cedric Alexander(Steph) v.s Brian Knobbs(Sky)
Winner: Cedric Alexander by DQ when Orlando Jordan and Lacey run to the ring and lay out Cedric. They attempt to cut a promo over the bloody Alexander but once again the crowd tells them to fuck off and they have to run off.(7:43) **1/2

Right after that we hear Hassan's music which helps die down the hostile crowd for their savior. Hassan gets quite the elaborate entrance surrounded by women in burqas, men swingin' Al-QaeDAH flags and fake missiles deployin' fireworks.

Immortal Title Match: Muhammad Hassan w/King Bookah(Raidokken) v.s Mr. Perfect(Blaze)(c)
Winner: Mr. Perfect after Bookah messed up some interference, Perfect was able to hit three rollin' Perfect Plexes.(18:28) ***1/2

After the match, Hassan calls this a travesty on the mic and Bookah levels Perfect in the ring as he's distracted by Hassan's rantin'. Hassan and Bookah continue their beatdown and they end up throwin' him over the top rope with a rope around his neck. The scene fades to black as Mr. Perfect loses consciousness.


-Will have Bash at the Beach up soon.​

 

[Chris]

Goldberg after catchin' Undertaker goin' for his summersault Lariat and turnin' into a quick Jackhammer

What a spot Ain't even mad 'Taker lost lmao

Also hope Perfect makes it back to the States alive

 

[Kiffy Lube]

Iconic's Bash at the Beach
Live From the Nassau Coliseum in Long Island, New York

US Title Match: Johnny Gargano(Sass) v.s Jon Moxley(Mox Girl)(c)
Winner: Match was thrown out as they both attacked each other with chairs wrapped in barbwire.(28:45) ****1/2

JBL makes his way to the ring and it's clad in Red, White and Blue. He gets on the mic and says he has a lot of stuff planned and runs down Al-QaeDAH and Saudi Arabia for bein' a hell hole. Before he can get to the festivities though, he's interrupted by the King of the Ring, AJ Lee. She comes down to mock JBL and proclaims she's not only the King of the Ring but the Queen of the Ring. Just then CM Punk in a hood again knocks down JBL. He follows that up with a GTS then AJ Lee makes the cover as Punk makes the 3 count. Tim Allen has seen enough and has the cops go out and handcuff him and bring him backstage.

We then go to the titantron and Tim Allen is talkin' to one of the cops who has Punk by the arm. Tim Allen grunts a few times before pointin' and sayin' "wait.. is that your Mom?." This causes the cop to look around and Tim Allen puts a ziploc baggie full of some white powder into the front of Punk's hoodie pocket. The cop looks back around not happy with Allen's joke but escorts Punk away anyways. Allen then shouts sumthin', you better cavity search him. He returns to the camera then to proclaim that Lee's match starts next and snickers that we probably won't see Punk for a while then grunts like a wild animal as we return to the ring.

Handicap Match: AJ Lee(Smark) v.s Toni Storm(Blaze) & Hulk Hogan(Grim)
Winner: Toni Storm & Hulk Hogan after Storm hit an Air Raid Crash, Hogan followed it up with his signature Leg Drop.(10:35) ***

Ricochet, Roman Reigns & Cesaro(Pace, Mox Girl & Chris) v.s Macho Man, Bully Ray & Tessa Blanchard(Blaze, EC & Smark)
Winners: Ricochet, Roman Reigns & Cesaro by DQ when Bully Ray decides this match needs his chain and starts whippin' Ricochet's back with it.(13:56) ***1/4

Unsanctioned Match: Tommaso Ciampa(OMB) v.s Lance Archer(OMB)
Winner: Lance Archer after nailin' Ciampa with the lead pipe and then picks up Ciampa to hit a huge Razor's Edge.(20:43) ****1/4

Women's Title Match: Sasha Banks(Pace) v.s Carmella(EC)(c)
Winner: Carmella after usin' the ropes to roll back through the Bank Statement, she was able to get Banks' shoulders on the mat for a 3 count.(14:52) ***

#1 Contendership Match for the World Title: Chris Candido(Chris) v.s Chad Gable(Ingonious)
Winner: Chris Candido after hittin' his incredible top rope Powerbomb.(27:13) ****1/4

Falls Count Anywhere for the 6-Man Tag Team Titles Match: The Un-Americans of Lance Storm, William Regal & Owen Hart(Mitch & HoHo) v.s The Green Light Elite & Jeff Hardy(Juice & Sass)(c)
Winners: The Green Light Elite & Jeff Hardy after Hardy hit Twist of Fate on the concrete on Owen. He hit a Swantom Bomb from the stage down onto the prone body of Owen.(23:28) ****1/4

-Will have the SummerSlam card up later.​

 

[Chris]

what a fucking card

 

[Leon TrotSky]

@Orlandojordan on Twitter, 2 hours after GAQB...

"I am safe. Lacey is 2. Lucky we got a friend who smells like a pig. No1 would touch us!" (image of the two with Brian Knobbs)

 

[Kiffy Lube]

KSL Presents SummerSlam- 2 night event(season 5):
Live from the State Farm Arena in Phoenix, Arizona

Middle East Deathmatch(pretty much just a Texas Deathmatch) for the Immortal Title: Muhammad Hassan(Raidokken) v.s Mr. Perfect(Blaze)(c)

World Title Match: AJ Lee w/CM Punk(Smark) v.s JBL w/Bully Ray(EC)(c)

Piranha Deathmatch for the US Title: Johnny Gargano(Sass) v.s Jon Moxley(Mox Girl)(c)

6-Man Tag Team Title Match: Ricochet, Roman Reigns & Cesaro(Pace, Mox Girl & Chris) v.s The Green Light Elite & Jeff Hardy(Juice & Sass)(c)

Tag Team Titles Match: Shelton Benjamin & Cedric Alexander(Mitch & Steph) v.s Arn Anderson & Daniel Bryan(HoHo & Jimmy King)(c)

Hardcore Title Match: Apollo Crews(Ingonious) v.s Brother AbdBillah Gaddafiberg(Juice)(c)

Hair v.s Mask for the IC Title Match: Asuka(Grim) v.s Lince Dorado(Ingonious)(c)

Women's Title Match: Tegan Nox(Steph) v.s Carmella(EC)(c)

Lacey Von Erich is in a Shark Cage for the Non-Binary Title Match: Orlando Jordan(Sky) v.s Kevin Owens(Jimmy King)

The Dungeon of Deezy(Deezy) v.s The Un-Americans of William Regal, Lance Storm & Owen Hart(Mitch & HoHo)

The Undertaker(Chris) v.s Ric Flair(Grim)

Grudge Match: Chris Candido(Chris) v.s Chad Gable(Ingonious)


-This is the card so far. Candido will get his title shot at the next PPV. The Police also confiscated the tape from the event where Tim Allen framed CM Punk for drug possession. Tim Allen has been fired and will be replaced at this event.​

 

[Chris]

Poor Tim Allen

 

[Leon TrotSky]

What's Lacey Evans doing there

 

[Kiffy Lube]

It's to keep the match fair or at least supposed to.

Edit: I thought you were askin' why Lacey was in the Shark Cage. I just noticed by typo. This is just like when Grim drafted Evans by mistake. I'll fix it.

 

[CakeWalker]

An unfamiliar set of music would play at a start of a video that would would be uploaded to KSL.com. and the voice of Bill Goldberg would begin to speak in a silhouette from behind a screen.

"I want to thank Brother Hassan and Brother Booker for very much being the reason we got to visit Saudi Arabia recently - If I hadn't made the trip I would not have had the revelations that I have had recently. I would have realised how many deplorables and men with no morals run rampant in this organisation. I offer my hand in friendship to my brothers of virtue in Team Al-QaeDAH - but I alone know what is needed of me. I must exact his true work. I must purge the KSL with unspeakable, hardcore violence - and I must wash myself clean with the blood of those that have fallen. No longer am I to be referred to as Bill Goldberg - No - No - No - not even on commentary - for I am..."

At this point Goldberg would walk through the screen revealing himself for the first time.

"I am Brother AbdBillah Gaddafiberg -Salaam Alaikum!"​

 

[TOP GUY TIME]

Middle East Deathmatch(pretty much just a Texas Deathmatch) for the Immortal Title: Muhammad Hassan(Raidokken) v.s Mr. Perfect(Blaze)(c)

World Title Match: AJ Lee w/CM Punk(Smark) v.s JBL w/Bully Ray(EC)(c)

Piranha Deathmatch for the US Title: Johnny Gargano(Sass) v.s Jon Moxley(Mox Girl)(c)

6-Man Tag Team Title Match: Ricochet, Roman Reigns & Cesaro(Pace, Mox Girl & Chris) v.s The Green Light Elite & Jeff Hardy(Juice & Sass)(c)

Tag Team Titles Match: Shelton Benjamin & Cedric Alexander(Mitch & Steph) v.s Arn Anderson & Daniel Bryan(HoHo & Jimmy King)(c)

Hardcore Title Match: Apollo Crews(Ingonious) v.s Goldberg(Juice)(c)

Hair v.s Mask for the IC Title Match: Asuka(Grim) v.s Lince Dorado(Ingonious)(c)

Women's Title Match: Tegan Nox(Steph) v.s Carmella(EC)(c)

Lacey Von Erich is in a Shark Cage for the Non-Binary Title Match: Orlando Jordan(Sky) v.s Kevin Owens(Jimmy King)

The Dungeon of Deezy(Deezy) v.s The Un-Americans of William Regal, Lance Storm & Owen Hart(Mitch & HoHo)

The Undertaker(Chris) v.s Ric Flair(Grim)

And Chad Gable

 

[Chris]

An unfamiliar set of music would play at a start of a video that would would be uploaded to KSL.com. and the voice of Bill Goldberg would begin to speak in a silhouette from behind a screen.

"I want to thank Brother Hassan and Brother Booker for very much being the reason we got to visit Saudi Arabia recently - If I hadn't made the trip I would not have had the revelations that I have had recently. I would have realised how many deplorables and men with no morals run rampant in this organisation. I offer my hand in friendship to my brothers of virtue in Team Al-QaeDAH - but I alone know what is needed of me. I must exact his true work. I must purge the KSL with unspeakable, hardcore violence - and I must wash myself clean with the blood of those that have fallen. No longer am I to be referred to as Bill Goldberg - No - No - No - not even on commentary - for I am..."

At this point Goldberg would walk through the screen revealing himself for the first time.

View attachment 7252

"I am Brother AbdBillah Gaddafiberg -Salaam Alaikum!"​