Hello, my darlings!
As promised, here is my review of ACW’s latest Pay-Per-View. I know you prefer it when I don’t waffle so much, so I shall get straight into the action!
As I stated in my ACW Striking Distance Preview, the main points of interest going into this Pay-Per-View were Jacqui Monroe’s final showdown with the Demon, the three title defences, and the heavy emphasis on matches where people hit other people with weapons and other heavy objects. There was also much speculation to see where Nicky Trix would find himself when all was said and done, as well as to whom the next #1 Contender for the belt he was defending would be. All these questions and issues had answers – most of them not quite what the fans expected – and they will all be dissected and analysed below. So let’s get right on it!
Bout #1: Chase DeSanto v Donnie Trix v The Angel
No surprises here. With The Angel failing to even show up, and DeSanto yet to find his focus, Donnie Trix made mincemeat of the Australian, and had a very impressive, if somewhat short, debut. Word has it Donnie now has his eye on my boys, and apparently some sort of handicap match has been scheduled for this week. More on this as it develops.
Rating: * ½ / 5.
Bout #2: Avalanche v Jay Clement v Andrew Reynolds (T. L. C. Match)
That’s TLC as in Tables, Ladders and Chairs, darlings, not that old R&B band from the 1990s. Although I was quite fond of the band…
Anyway, a lot transpired in this match. Before it even started, John McHenry came out to announce his “Extreme Plan”, which would later be revealed to be a new hardcore-based belt, the Predator Championship. I do not predict this being my favourite division in the company, but the fans seemed to like it well enough. During the match itself, a hooded individual leapt the barricade and attacked the contestants. He then revealed himself to be Andrew Sanders, the man Andrew Reynolds supposedly impersonated in his early days in the company. The two Andrews got lost in a brawl of their own, and left the decision of the match to Avalanche and Clement.
This was where a new shining promise of the ACW roster was discovered. Jay may have lost the match, but I know first-hand that management is very, very impressed with this young man, who may leap forward in the card very soon. The fans did not seem to dislike him either, and even gave him a sympathy cheer when he got pinned by Johnny’s brother (after a positively HORRIFYING move involving a chair). In the end, the weapons ended up not detracting too much from the match, nor were they its focal point; which means I enjoyed this more than I thought I would. Good luck to Jay, who has a new fan in this old girl!
Rating: ** ½ / 5.
Bout #3: Jacqui Monroe v The Demon
Another horrifying, gruelling beatdown, which had me clutching my chest and covering my mouth more than once. Jacqui surprised us all by sporting a new, darker look (which I, personally, am not too sure about), but that was the least of the upsets in this bloodbath, which can be called a “match” only in the loosest sense. Jacqui (or Lisbeth, as she apparently wants to be called) came prepared. The Demon found himself subject to everything from spotlights to the head to electric shocks – and still, somehow, came through long enough to score what sources inform me was a ‘win’ over his jilted victim.
Again, however, this was not the biggest upset associated to this bout; that came afterwards. The ghastly, dastardly Demon turned out to be none other than the loveable, huggable Raiden Blaze – who seemed utterly confused about what was going on! Jacqui seemed similarly dazed, even as she turned on her friend in a bout of righteous, confused fury. To top off this smorgasbord of surprises, the police then interfered, arresting Jacqui for illegal possession of a taser. At the end of this segment, hardly a soul in the Irving Plaza was breathing normally, or even knew what to think. I certainly didn’t.
Rating: N/A
Bout #4: Dr. Frank Uhrwhich v Toyota Chelios v Multiplex (Barbed-Wire Hardcore Cage Match)
I was dreading this match most of all, and rightly so. It was a horrifying spectacle. Just because I am employed by this company, does not mean I have to follow the company line at all times – I am allowed to call a bad match when I see one. And this was definitely poor. When Toyota Chelios – adorable, sure, but far from the brightest bulb – comes across as the most composed person in the ring, there is certainly something to be said for the quality of the wrestling on offer. More time was spent on shenanigans than actual technical brawling, and by the time a hooded individual mercifully put everyone out of their misery, I was more than ready for this debacle to end. Chelios and Dr Uhrwhich tied for #1 contendership, after jointly pinning Multiplex, but it remains to be seen what kind of state they’ll be in for the upcoming weeks. Horrid.
Rating: */5.
At this point, someone calling himself Alexander Hamilton Clay came into the ring claiming to be a manager in search of new talent. The crowd did not take to him at all, but I, having just recently become a manager myself, will certainly be interested in trading insights with this gentleman. Call me, Alex darling!
#1 Contendership for the ACW Tag Team Championship: LWO v Starrdom Nation
Another short and underwhelming affair. The LWO kept the Sesame Street theme, mocking Robbie Starr’s love for the classic children’s show even as they brutalised him and partner Ray Price. A distinction such as #1 Contender for my boys’ title certainly deserved a better match (or a match, period), but on this pay-per-view, those were sadly few and far between.
Rating: */ 5.
#1 Contendership for the ACW International Championship: Aaron Asterisk v Stevie Starr v Brandon Banks v Dave Summers
This was probably the letdown of the night. Everyone expected an even, close-fought match. But there turned out to be no match at all. With three out of four contestants laid out or missing in action, my dear Aaron Asterisk literally got rewarded just for turning up. Nice to see a hard-working cutie like Aaron being granted a shot, but I wish he could have earned it in the match he deserved. What’s even worse, the fact that this match did not happen reduced the eye-candy in this pay-per-view to levels close to zero! An absolute shame. Congratulations to Aaron, though – let’s hope he can prove himself in upcoming weeks!
Rating: N/A
ACW Tag Team Championship: RipperCussions v The Bradleys
Ever since I accepted to become the manager of Jack Ripper and Darren Pesinger (and not Damon, as I wrote here in previous weeks – apologies, darling!), rumours have been running rampant. I have heard some rather distasteful accusations regarding my interest in the Tag Team Champions, but I assure you this is purely a professional relationship. And if this “IWC” knew the boys as well as I have come to in these last few days, they would realise just how preposterous their insinuations are!
There are also a few darlings saying, a bit more rightly, that perhaps I should not comment on this match. However, it is a journalist’s duty to report on everything in as impartial a manner as possible, and that is what I intend to do with this next paragraph; hopefully, it will be enough to dispel any notions of partiality on my part.
To be honest, my darlings did not have the best time of it. Perhaps they were over-confident, or perhaps the Bradleys were motivated by the assumptions that this would be a squash; but for a couple of minutes there, I saw things get very rough for my boys. This was by no means a walk in the park, and the Bradleys proved to be a well-oiled team, with the sort of understanding which comes from growing up together. In the end, it came down to luck and shrewd thinking on Jackie’s part, as Darren had significantly less trouble disposing of the two rednecks and retaining the belts for RipperCussions. More significantly, however, this was (finally!) an actual wrestling match!
Rating: ** ½ /5.
ACW International Championship: Nicky Trix v Abram Vance
And this was another wrestling match – and a very good one, at that! In fact, it was the highlight of the night! It was every bit as good as everyone expected, and then even that little bit better! The two contestants gave it their all, and had a fantastic back and forth bout, with plenty of chances for each to grab a much-coveted victory! In the end, the decision came down to Abram Vance’s superior experience and cunning – but the high-flying former Champion did not come out looking any worse for it!
For those predicting little Nicky Trix’s fall from grace, don’t be ridiculous! My darling put on a great showing, and management seems inclined to grant him a shot at the “big one”. As such, we may very soon be seeing Trix soar over the competition in a main event title match – and I, for one, could not be more stoked for the absolute dear!
As for Abram Vance, and although I do not much care for him as a person, I must admire his wrestling ability. This is clearly someone who has been around quite a bit in this industry, and it shows in his performance in the ring. Every move is calculated; there is none of the imprudence and bursts of passion most other wrestlers display. This became evident in the final moments of his match with Trix: while Nicky followed his heart, Vance listened to his brain, capitalising on his opponent’s mistake to secure the spot of new International Champion. In the meantime, he helped put on the best match of the night, and a welcome relief after the drudgery that came before.
Rating: ****/5.
ACW World Heavyweight Championship: Eric Snow v Syn v Zack Bronko
Because of the brilliance of what came before it, this match started off on the back foot. With the sort of participants on offer here, one could always expect a good bout, of course; but somehow, it all felt a little…underwhelming. Don’t get me wrong, darlings: all three men gave their all, and the match was entertaining enough, and much more balanced than one might have expected. But it was also much less technical than Vance/Trix, more about tough strikes and bodily damage.
Still, while I could say that Zack Bronko’s win came as no surprise, the truth is, it was much closer than what that might lead you to believe. As I had predicted, poor Eric Snow was on the back foot most of the time; even though he tried his best, this was all about Bronko and Syn, whose rivalry has been brewing and is bound to come to a head sooner rather than later. The two went at it with gusto, but in the end, Zack’s size and power surpassed Syn’s agility, speed and physical conditioning. The Champion dethroned should not be discouraged, however: he is plenty good enough to go after his title, and snatch it right back from under the big man’s nose again.
Rating: ***/5.
Overall: After the breath-taking thrills and spills of Riot Act, this pay-per-view was a bit of a disappointment. There were far too many underwhelming matches or no-shows, and that corker of a semi-main-event was overall not enough to make up for those. The only positive thing to come out of it was the reforming of Team Cutie Pie (Asterisk and Trix), who will be tagging again at Adrenaline 14, against Abram Vance and Chase DeSanto (quite a boost for him!). Let’s hope, however, that Hunting Ground delivers the goods, because this one was severely underwhelming.
Overall PPV Rating: **/5.
Well, that is all from me for now. Keep watching ACW and send in your love/hate mail to the usual address: k-bux@acw.com. Until next time, toodles!
X
K-Bux
As promised, here is my review of ACW’s latest Pay-Per-View. I know you prefer it when I don’t waffle so much, so I shall get straight into the action!
As I stated in my ACW Striking Distance Preview, the main points of interest going into this Pay-Per-View were Jacqui Monroe’s final showdown with the Demon, the three title defences, and the heavy emphasis on matches where people hit other people with weapons and other heavy objects. There was also much speculation to see where Nicky Trix would find himself when all was said and done, as well as to whom the next #1 Contender for the belt he was defending would be. All these questions and issues had answers – most of them not quite what the fans expected – and they will all be dissected and analysed below. So let’s get right on it!
Bout #1: Chase DeSanto v Donnie Trix v The Angel
No surprises here. With The Angel failing to even show up, and DeSanto yet to find his focus, Donnie Trix made mincemeat of the Australian, and had a very impressive, if somewhat short, debut. Word has it Donnie now has his eye on my boys, and apparently some sort of handicap match has been scheduled for this week. More on this as it develops.
Rating: * ½ / 5.
Bout #2: Avalanche v Jay Clement v Andrew Reynolds (T. L. C. Match)
That’s TLC as in Tables, Ladders and Chairs, darlings, not that old R&B band from the 1990s. Although I was quite fond of the band…
Anyway, a lot transpired in this match. Before it even started, John McHenry came out to announce his “Extreme Plan”, which would later be revealed to be a new hardcore-based belt, the Predator Championship. I do not predict this being my favourite division in the company, but the fans seemed to like it well enough. During the match itself, a hooded individual leapt the barricade and attacked the contestants. He then revealed himself to be Andrew Sanders, the man Andrew Reynolds supposedly impersonated in his early days in the company. The two Andrews got lost in a brawl of their own, and left the decision of the match to Avalanche and Clement.
This was where a new shining promise of the ACW roster was discovered. Jay may have lost the match, but I know first-hand that management is very, very impressed with this young man, who may leap forward in the card very soon. The fans did not seem to dislike him either, and even gave him a sympathy cheer when he got pinned by Johnny’s brother (after a positively HORRIFYING move involving a chair). In the end, the weapons ended up not detracting too much from the match, nor were they its focal point; which means I enjoyed this more than I thought I would. Good luck to Jay, who has a new fan in this old girl!
Rating: ** ½ / 5.
Bout #3: Jacqui Monroe v The Demon
Another horrifying, gruelling beatdown, which had me clutching my chest and covering my mouth more than once. Jacqui surprised us all by sporting a new, darker look (which I, personally, am not too sure about), but that was the least of the upsets in this bloodbath, which can be called a “match” only in the loosest sense. Jacqui (or Lisbeth, as she apparently wants to be called) came prepared. The Demon found himself subject to everything from spotlights to the head to electric shocks – and still, somehow, came through long enough to score what sources inform me was a ‘win’ over his jilted victim.
Again, however, this was not the biggest upset associated to this bout; that came afterwards. The ghastly, dastardly Demon turned out to be none other than the loveable, huggable Raiden Blaze – who seemed utterly confused about what was going on! Jacqui seemed similarly dazed, even as she turned on her friend in a bout of righteous, confused fury. To top off this smorgasbord of surprises, the police then interfered, arresting Jacqui for illegal possession of a taser. At the end of this segment, hardly a soul in the Irving Plaza was breathing normally, or even knew what to think. I certainly didn’t.
Rating: N/A
Bout #4: Dr. Frank Uhrwhich v Toyota Chelios v Multiplex (Barbed-Wire Hardcore Cage Match)
I was dreading this match most of all, and rightly so. It was a horrifying spectacle. Just because I am employed by this company, does not mean I have to follow the company line at all times – I am allowed to call a bad match when I see one. And this was definitely poor. When Toyota Chelios – adorable, sure, but far from the brightest bulb – comes across as the most composed person in the ring, there is certainly something to be said for the quality of the wrestling on offer. More time was spent on shenanigans than actual technical brawling, and by the time a hooded individual mercifully put everyone out of their misery, I was more than ready for this debacle to end. Chelios and Dr Uhrwhich tied for #1 contendership, after jointly pinning Multiplex, but it remains to be seen what kind of state they’ll be in for the upcoming weeks. Horrid.
Rating: */5.
At this point, someone calling himself Alexander Hamilton Clay came into the ring claiming to be a manager in search of new talent. The crowd did not take to him at all, but I, having just recently become a manager myself, will certainly be interested in trading insights with this gentleman. Call me, Alex darling!
#1 Contendership for the ACW Tag Team Championship: LWO v Starrdom Nation
Another short and underwhelming affair. The LWO kept the Sesame Street theme, mocking Robbie Starr’s love for the classic children’s show even as they brutalised him and partner Ray Price. A distinction such as #1 Contender for my boys’ title certainly deserved a better match (or a match, period), but on this pay-per-view, those were sadly few and far between.
Rating: */ 5.
#1 Contendership for the ACW International Championship: Aaron Asterisk v Stevie Starr v Brandon Banks v Dave Summers
This was probably the letdown of the night. Everyone expected an even, close-fought match. But there turned out to be no match at all. With three out of four contestants laid out or missing in action, my dear Aaron Asterisk literally got rewarded just for turning up. Nice to see a hard-working cutie like Aaron being granted a shot, but I wish he could have earned it in the match he deserved. What’s even worse, the fact that this match did not happen reduced the eye-candy in this pay-per-view to levels close to zero! An absolute shame. Congratulations to Aaron, though – let’s hope he can prove himself in upcoming weeks!
Rating: N/A
ACW Tag Team Championship: RipperCussions v The Bradleys
Ever since I accepted to become the manager of Jack Ripper and Darren Pesinger (and not Damon, as I wrote here in previous weeks – apologies, darling!), rumours have been running rampant. I have heard some rather distasteful accusations regarding my interest in the Tag Team Champions, but I assure you this is purely a professional relationship. And if this “IWC” knew the boys as well as I have come to in these last few days, they would realise just how preposterous their insinuations are!
There are also a few darlings saying, a bit more rightly, that perhaps I should not comment on this match. However, it is a journalist’s duty to report on everything in as impartial a manner as possible, and that is what I intend to do with this next paragraph; hopefully, it will be enough to dispel any notions of partiality on my part.
To be honest, my darlings did not have the best time of it. Perhaps they were over-confident, or perhaps the Bradleys were motivated by the assumptions that this would be a squash; but for a couple of minutes there, I saw things get very rough for my boys. This was by no means a walk in the park, and the Bradleys proved to be a well-oiled team, with the sort of understanding which comes from growing up together. In the end, it came down to luck and shrewd thinking on Jackie’s part, as Darren had significantly less trouble disposing of the two rednecks and retaining the belts for RipperCussions. More significantly, however, this was (finally!) an actual wrestling match!
Rating: ** ½ /5.
ACW International Championship: Nicky Trix v Abram Vance
And this was another wrestling match – and a very good one, at that! In fact, it was the highlight of the night! It was every bit as good as everyone expected, and then even that little bit better! The two contestants gave it their all, and had a fantastic back and forth bout, with plenty of chances for each to grab a much-coveted victory! In the end, the decision came down to Abram Vance’s superior experience and cunning – but the high-flying former Champion did not come out looking any worse for it!
For those predicting little Nicky Trix’s fall from grace, don’t be ridiculous! My darling put on a great showing, and management seems inclined to grant him a shot at the “big one”. As such, we may very soon be seeing Trix soar over the competition in a main event title match – and I, for one, could not be more stoked for the absolute dear!
As for Abram Vance, and although I do not much care for him as a person, I must admire his wrestling ability. This is clearly someone who has been around quite a bit in this industry, and it shows in his performance in the ring. Every move is calculated; there is none of the imprudence and bursts of passion most other wrestlers display. This became evident in the final moments of his match with Trix: while Nicky followed his heart, Vance listened to his brain, capitalising on his opponent’s mistake to secure the spot of new International Champion. In the meantime, he helped put on the best match of the night, and a welcome relief after the drudgery that came before.
Rating: ****/5.
ACW World Heavyweight Championship: Eric Snow v Syn v Zack Bronko
Because of the brilliance of what came before it, this match started off on the back foot. With the sort of participants on offer here, one could always expect a good bout, of course; but somehow, it all felt a little…underwhelming. Don’t get me wrong, darlings: all three men gave their all, and the match was entertaining enough, and much more balanced than one might have expected. But it was also much less technical than Vance/Trix, more about tough strikes and bodily damage.
Still, while I could say that Zack Bronko’s win came as no surprise, the truth is, it was much closer than what that might lead you to believe. As I had predicted, poor Eric Snow was on the back foot most of the time; even though he tried his best, this was all about Bronko and Syn, whose rivalry has been brewing and is bound to come to a head sooner rather than later. The two went at it with gusto, but in the end, Zack’s size and power surpassed Syn’s agility, speed and physical conditioning. The Champion dethroned should not be discouraged, however: he is plenty good enough to go after his title, and snatch it right back from under the big man’s nose again.
Rating: ***/5.
Overall: After the breath-taking thrills and spills of Riot Act, this pay-per-view was a bit of a disappointment. There were far too many underwhelming matches or no-shows, and that corker of a semi-main-event was overall not enough to make up for those. The only positive thing to come out of it was the reforming of Team Cutie Pie (Asterisk and Trix), who will be tagging again at Adrenaline 14, against Abram Vance and Chase DeSanto (quite a boost for him!). Let’s hope, however, that Hunting Ground delivers the goods, because this one was severely underwhelming.
Overall PPV Rating: **/5.
Well, that is all from me for now. Keep watching ACW and send in your love/hate mail to the usual address: k-bux@acw.com. Until next time, toodles!
X
K-Bux
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