OOC: With this episode, i have tried to improve the readability of the show. I.e. centering the matches, putting the commentators in a green font and just general improvements to make it easier to read. Enjoy the show!
Date: 25th March 2009
Venue: Arena, Tampa, Florida
Attendance: 3,300
Pyro explodes in the arena.
Mike Adamle: Ladies and gentlemen, little boys and everyone in between, welcome to another edition of Wednesday Night Boredom! I am Mike Adamle and I'm aroused to be sat next to the great Jonathan Coachman!
Jonathan Coachman: You mean you're pleased to be sat next to me?
Adamle: Why? What did I say?
The crowd’s cheers turn to hostility in almost a second as the familiar entrance music of Vickie Guererro blasts over the P.A. The boo's only increase when she walks out into the arena backed by her bodyguard Danny Basham. She strides down confidently and waves lovingly towards the audience, her actions only provoke the fans to begin chants of "You suck, you suck". Vickie enters the ring after Basham pulls down the ropes so she can enter with ease. She picks up a microphone and her music ceases.
Vickie: I am disgusted with myself at present.
Crowd claps and cheers
Vickie: This place is a circus, mayhem is occurring every single week and I'm tried of it. What's worse is I feel partly responsible for the way this program has gone. In fact, scrap that, all YOU people are to blame for the way this company is going.
Crowd boo and re-kindle their hostile chants of "You suck"
Adamle: Does that include me?
Coach: I'm sure she doesn't mean you Mike.
Vickie: This especially includes YOU, Mike Adamle.
Coach: She's right Mike, I kind of hold you responsible too...
Adamle: What? Put a sock in it Coachwoman. Hey, what have I done wrong?
Vickie: Mike Adamle, your 'announcing' on this show has been dire. I have thought about many ways in which to improve this programs soundtrack and firing you has been one tempting option. However, I am a fair woman, so I won't be firing you. Instead I have made a bold decision to shake up our announcing team on this show. Jonathan, Mike, say hello to your new CO-announcer... Santino Marella!
Italian influenced music strikes the P.A and Santino Marella walks down the ramp teasing the audience. He walks around the ring and pulls up a spare chair to the announcing desk where he puts on a headset.
Santino: Ah yes! It has finally happened, Santino Marella has been a' treated right in this HWA. I was too good for in-ring announcing, I am more suited to this role.
Adamle: Well, I suppose I better welcome you to the team Santino...
Santino: I thank you and er... what is your name?
Adamle: Adamle, Mike Adamle.
Santino: How boring a' name. Your parents should be ashamed.
Coach: Haha, you'll remember me from WWE, right Santino?
Santino: Yes, Rodd Grisham if I'm not mistaken?
Coach: Actually it's...
Santino: QUIET. Vickie the Guererro is talking.
Vickie: It's not only the commentary of this program that has needed to be addressed. The only way I can do this is by bringing out all HWA talent. Wrestlers, referees, everyone please come out now.
There are a few seconds of silence until the Wednesday Night Boredom theme music fills the arena. Soon the HWA roster come out to a positive reception from the audience, they all line up on top of the entrance ramp and await for what Vickie has to say.
Vickie: Thank you all for coming out. As I have already stated tonight, this place is like a circus, it's almost ridiculous. There are many people to blame for this result. I have already blamed all the fans, but there is one particular ‘talent’ who needs to be disciplined. [COLOR]
Adamle: I wish she'd discipline me.
Santino: You are one sick man Adamle.
Vickie: And that person is none other than Hulk Hogan.
The crowd give a mixed reaction and Hogan steps forward slightly ahead of the remaining HWA roster. He is offered a microphone and he receives it with an impassive reaction on his face.
Vickie: Hogan, I TOLD you last week that if you laid a finger on our world champion, the lovely Great Khali, I would have you suspended. And last week, you persisted to throw water balloons at our champion whilst he was... getting rid of his waste.
Laughing can be heard from the audience and even some wrestlers break their composure.
Santino: I prefer to say, taking the dump.
Adamle: I say, having a poo.
Coach: I don't like to talk about such things.
Santino: You are a girl Rodd Grisham.
Vickie: Following that incident on last weeks show, it is in the interest of fairness that I suspend you indefinitely...
Hogan (interrupting): Now just hold on a minute brother. Technically, and the Hulkamaniancs in the crowd tonight can protest with me, in that, I never laid a finger on The Great Khali. I threw something at him. Big difference.
Vickie: Hmm... well okay. I understand, BUT that isn't the main reason I feel like suspending you from this company. Last week on Wednesday Night Boredom you informed the world that you and your daughter were in a sexual relationship. What kind of example are you setting for children watching our product?
The crowd begin to direct their hostility towards Hogan who, still is relatively impassive with his reaction.
Hogan: Brother, you want the facts? Well here it is. I completely, 100% condone incest on every level. So Vickie, whatcha going to do when incest runs wild on you?
Hogan is met with choruses of negative chants in what has become a bizarre atmosphere, he gives the audience a vile stare and shakes his head at Vickie Guererro before he drops his microphone. Hogan then persists to walk through the crowd of HWA talent and head straight to the back.
Vickie: As for the rest of you, you better all be on your best behaviour and stick to the rules of this company or you'll all be out of a job. Every single one of you. I'm becoming tired of the way this show is going. Now all of you, get the hell out of my sight and do your jobs by the book.
Adamle: Wow, Vickie Guererro has really made her feelings felt and has drawn the line clearly for everyone within this company!
Santino: Indeed she has. We need to take a' one of those commercial breaks, be sure to come back and watch these men in tights roll around on each other. I'm a' talking to you Orlando Jordan.
----- Commercial Break -----
Adamle: Welcome back to Wednesday Night Boredom folks, next up we have one of my favourite matches a Triple Trouble match and this should be an interesting one right Coach?
Coach: Well, it's actually called a Triple Threat match Mike but I do agree that this should be an entertaining contest.
Santino: It might... I don't a' want to put ze viewers off but I will be one the viewers are tuning in for.
The crowd pops with a generous applause as Val Venis' music strikes the arena. Venis walks out and poses for the crowd in attendance in his usual manner. He strides down the ramp and throws his towel out into the crowd, he smiles at the sight of so many people fighting over it however his smile fades as he enters the ring.
Coach: Understandably, Venis' confidence looks to be less prominent than usual.
Adamle: Can you blame him? He's lost every match he's had since he came to the HWA, Dusty Rhodes needs this win badly.
Santino: How a' the hell are you still employed Mike Adamle?
The crowd jeer as the dark music of Black Reign can be heard. He walks out into the arena through a fog of dry-ice, creating a menacing effect. He walks straight down the ramp holding his cage containing his pet rat Misty close to his chest, not making eye-contact with anyone around him. He carefully places the rat cage underneath a turnbuckle and rolls into the ring.
"I'm an ass man. Oh I'm an ass man. YEAH"
The familiar lyrics of 'Mr Ass' Billy Gunn’s theme is heard and he comes out, back turned to the audience. After a few seconds he begins to passionately feel up his ass. He turns around and claps hands with the reluctant spectators on the front row.
Santino: It comes as no surprise to Santino that the crowd do not want to touch Billy The Gunn’s hands. We saw where they had been.
Adamle: I'd probably put his hands down my pants to be frank.
Coach: What?!
Adamle: ... I said I'd have to wash his hands first before I let him touch me up, I mean clap hands with me... can I have some of your Gatorade coach? It's getting hot down here.
Coach: You're damn lucky we're sponsored by Gatorade tonight Mike.
Triple Threat: Val Venis vs. Black Reign vs. Billy Gunn
The bell sounds and the three men retreat to separate corners of the ring. Each competitor looks noticeably cautious. They begin circling each other, all apprehensive as to how they will start the contest. The crowds rallying chants of "Let's go Venis, Let's go Billy" seem to give the aforementioned wrestlers the confidence they need to begin, both Billy Gunn and Val Venis lock-up as Black Reign idly stands back, clearly waiting for his moment to step in and take advantage. Billy Gunn seemingly has more pressure and is able to push his opponent into the ropes; he breaks his hold after a four count from the referee. Venis quickly retaliates with two hard rights to Billy Gunn's sternum; Billy blocks the third and delivers two stiff shots of his own. During the exchange Black Reign has hit the opposite ropes and comes running in with a double clothesline! Both men are down!
Reign laughs maniacally, the crowd respond almost immediately with echoing boo's. Reign laps up the negativity and persists to stomp both his opponents in turn. He picks up Venis and Irish whips him into the ropes he himself bounced off earlier and smashes Venis with a solid European Uppercut. Billy Gunn manages to find his feet and runs towards Black Reign who counters Billy's clothesline attempt with drop-toe hold. Billy hits the floor hard and grimaces, expressing the pain he is enduring.
Venis quickly has gained a vertical base and has struck Reign hard with a right. He follows up with a whip into the turnbuckle and charges straight after him with impressive speed, the speed he has gathered means the elbow smash he delivers has a great effect on Black Reign who falls into a sit-down position in the turnbuckle. Venis smiles at the audience and they cheer back as Venis takes a few careful steps back. Billy Gunn is also back up and the two stare at each other, unsure of what will happen next. They exchange a brief nod to one another and both charge at Black Reign in unison, successfully hitting a double knee strike to the weakened opponent. But before any celebration can be made, the two standing opponents once again begin trading blows; Billy Gunn gains the advantage with a toe-kick to his opponent’s crotch area. Venis winces in pain and has found himself bent down, Gunn counteracts with a solid DDT and both men go crashing into the canvas. Gunn goes for the cover!
1... 2... KICK OUT!
A frustrated Billy Gunn gets up quickly and charges towards Black Reign who is still propped invitingly against the turnbuckle in a seated position. But he moves buy sliding out the ring before Billy Gunn can make contact with his knee! Billy crashes and burns into the turnbuckle! Reign regains his composure and hits a forceful spear on Venis who once again meets the canvas! Now Reign goes for the pin!
1... 2... BROKEN UP!
Luckily, Billy Gunn found the strength to break up the pin attempt. Reign rolls out of the way of Billy Gunn's attack and stumbles back to his feet but Gunn has met him halfway and hits a hard Irish whip into a distant turnbuckle! Gunn slyly follows his opponent and before Reign realises where he is, he is victim to more right hands from Billy Gunn. The crows increase in volume as Billy Gunn props Reign up into the turnbuckle! He is soon joined by Venis who instead of foiling Gunn's plan, joins in! They both grab Reign appropriately and step onto the second turnbuckle in harmony! BANG! The crowd explode with enjoyment as they have hot a perfect double Superplex!
Adamle: WOW! A Powerbomb from the tope rope! Incredible stuff!
All three men are now down on the canvas. Gunn and Venis soon begin to scramble to their feet, the both trade threatening looks to each other. Venis ducks a brisk clothesline attempt from Gunn and hits an impressive standing dropkick, the crowd are all now in full favour of the Big Valbowski who makes a brief taunt to the crowd by pointing at the turnbuckle! He grabs Billy Gunn and lays him neatly on top of Black Reign and persists to climb the turnbuckle he motioned towards earlier! The crowds excitement is lifted as Venis leaps into the air for, yes, the Moneyshot!
Coach: Here is comes!
Adamle: What's that about cum?
He hits it perfectly but Gunn has luckily rolled off in time to avoid contact! In the meantime a pin is made by Venis on Black Reign!
1... 2... BROKEN UP!
Gunn has kicked Venis cleanly off Black Reign. Venis has managed to find is feet but is in obvious pain. Gunn delivers a stiff kick to Venis' mid-section and hits the ropes, and executes an award-winning Fameasser! Gunn rolls Venis over for the pin!
1... 2... 3!
The winner: 'Mr Ass' Billy Gunn!
Santino: Ass Man wins!
Adamle: It’s all over and what a win for this man, but I do feel sorry for Val Venis on this occasion... just when will he pick up a win?
Coach: Who knows? But this epic win surely should boost Billy Gunn up the ranks in HWA!
Billy Gunn gets his arms lifted in the air by the referee and the audience show their appreciation with respectable applause. Billy breaks free from the referee and comes up close to a ringside camera. “Me and my ass are going to stars, you hear me? Khali, watch your back because the Ass Man is coming!â€
Adamle: Clearly a confident Bill Ass there, we need to take a brief commercial break, don’t go anywhere!
----- Commercial Break -----
The camera cuts straight backstage where we see HWA backstage announcer, Don West standing in a hallway, he has a microphone in hand.
Don West: Folks, this is DW, Don West here and I’m standing outside Hulk Hogan’s dressing room.
The camera pans slightly to West’s left and we see a dressing room door with ‘Hulk Hogan’ printed on neatly.
West: Now we all know that Hulk has been at the centre of much controversy as of late and hopefully he will oblige to answer a few questions, so here goes.
West looks nervously at the camera and knocks softly on Hogan’s dressing room door; he waits a few seconds before giving a stiffer knock in hope of alerting Hogan’s attention. An awkward silence is quickly broken up and Hogan’s door swings open fully, Hogan steps halfway out the door with an irritated expression painted on his face.
West: Hulk, I totally understand the pressure you’re under at present but would you be willing to answer a few questions?
Hogan runs his fingers through his bandana and takes it off revealing his bald head. Although it is difficult to make out at first, its clear Hogan is sporting a new tattoo. The new tattoo is a grossly detailed image of his daughter Brooke with her legs apart in seductive lingerie.
West: You’ve got to be kidding me.
Hogan: Brother, I am what I am.
West: Okay, okay. But Hulk, you said earlier on the broadcast that you 100% condone incest on every level, do you seriously believe that?
Hogan: I do Don West, I have fallen in love with my daughter in a sexual way and if the Hulkamaniacs can’t accept that then they can kiss my ass.
West: But what about your reputation?
Hogan: My reputation Don West? Screw my reputation. Sure some people backstage are freaked out, but brother; there are some folks back here who accept what I am. Remember that.
West: What do you mean? Who accepts it?
Hogan: As I told you last week West, this interview is over.
Hogan promptly knocks the microphone away from his face and storms back into his dressing room, slamming the door behind him. We see a stunned Don West shake his head in disapproval. The camera then cuts back to the ring.
-
The sound of smashing shell blasts the arena and the crowd explodes as the Colourful Connection storm out, brimming with confidence. Shark Boy and Curry Man hold their Tag-team titles up in the air with pride, flanked by Doink the Clown. They clap hands with ringside fans and slide into the ring to continue their posing for the audience.
Their music dies down and Hornswoggle and Deuce’s music is heard, they are immediately booed as they come out onto the ramp, trying their best to ignore the negativity they‘re under. Halfway down the ramp the two pose for their pyro, which glitters the air with green fireworks. Deuce then once again snaps at the audience, arguing with anyone he hears make a degrading comment towards him.
Adamle: And here it would seem we have an impromptu tag-team match occurring here...
Coach: I’ve just received word that Vickie Gurerro had ordered for this match backstage, I must stress that this is a non-title match...
Santino: I don’t like this at all. Shark Man and Salsa Man don’t entertain Santino in the slightest.
Adamle: Our audience love them Santino, I love them.
Santino: You love all the men that come out here...
Adamle: I do. They’re all big and are talented with their body parts.
Non-title Tag Team match
Shark Boy and Curry Man (c) vs. Deuce & Hornswoggle
All men separate to their corners, talking closely to one another, deciding as to who will start the contest. Doink gives encouragement to his fellow Colourful Connection members and rolls out the ring. Shark Boy and Deuce both step outside the ropes, signifying that Curry Man and Hornswoggle will be the ones to starts the match. The bell rings and the crowd hots up for what should be an interesting encounter.
Curry Man begins to clap and the crowd quickly involve themselves in the festivities. Hornswoggle then takes off his Irish hat and throws it at the feet of Curry Man, who proceeds to dance on the hat.
Adamle: Now this is what I call playing mind games.
Coach: This is Curry Man Mike, a master of psychology.
Hornswoggle reacts angrily by throwing his Irish coat off, frowning fiercely at Curry Man who responds briskly with his ‘C’ hand-logo taunt. The crowd feed off Curry Mans vibes and signal the taunt back to him. Hornswoggle hits breaking point and charges with all his force towards Curry Man who simply Big Boots the former champion straight to the canvas. Curry Man runs the ropes and strikes Hornswoggle stiffly with a leg-drop to the back and neck area. Curry Man feels the impact is already enough to chance a cover!
1... 2... KICK OUT!
Curry Man gives a stern look at the referee but he doesn’t his focus to be phased too greatly and he proceeds to pick Hornswoggle up with him. The groggy Hornswoggle attempts to walk towards his partner but is once again grounded by Curry Man who has given him a stiff kick to the back. The crowd up their volume as Curry Man points towards Shark Boy who is desperate for the tag.
Curry Man runs over to Shark Boy and tags him in! The two Colourful Connection members close-in on Hornswoggle who is still suffering from Curry Man’s kick. They pick him up together and whip him into the turnbuckle. Curry Man charges after him and hits him with an impressive dropkick! Shark Boy follows up with the same move!
Santino: I am impressed with how well they work together but Santino is still the best.
Adamle: That could be true; it’s nice to have some eye candy on the announcing team.
Coach: Mike?
Adamle: You’re not particularly attractive Coach okay?
Santino: Fladamle, you are starting to creep a’ me out...
Shark Boy continues to assault Hornswoggle with stiff stomps, he turns around and taunts to the crowd, proud with the punishment he’s conflicted. The crowd give positive cheers back as their show of appreciation. Shark Boy goes for more stomps but is stopped in his tracks! Hornswoggle has gotten out a water pistol and is squirting Shark Boy in the crotch area!
Santino: Where the hell did he get that from?
Coach: Hahaha, it looks like Shark Boy’s had an accident!
Adamle: Now this is entertainment, midgets squirting sharks.
Shark Boy shows his frustration by charging back at Hornswoggle but the crafty Irishman has moved! He runs as fast as he can and makes the tag to Deuce! Deuce immediately steps through the ropes and hits a stiff clothesline to the confused Shark Boy. Deuce receives serious heat from the crowd. Deuce picks his opponent back up and hurls him up for a vertical suplex, he holds Shark Boy in the air for two seconds before sending him directly into the canvas! He goes for the pin!
1... 2... KICK OUT!
Irritated, Deuce picks Shark Boy up again and hits the exact same move. He goes for another pin!
1... 2... KICK OUT!
Deuce once again picks up Shark Boy but his opponent has thrown a few hard rights to his sternum, Deuce is temporarily stunned! Shark Bout has made it to a full vertical base and hits a quick, but effective DDT to Deuce! He to get back to his feet swiftly and makes a break for his home corner where he tags in Curry Man!
Shark Boy picks up the hurt Deuce and hits a Stunner! The crowd pop with incredible volume! Deuce however does not go to the floor! Curry Man has acted quickly and hits a Space Rack on the stunned opponent!
Shark Boy runs to take care of Hornswoggle whilst Curry Man goes for the pin!
1... 2... 3!
The Winners: The Colourful Connection (Shark Boy and Curry Man)
Coach: What an incredible combination of moves at the end there!
Adamle: You must be impressed with the Colourful Connection now Santino!
Santino: No.
Doink the Clown enters the ring and hands the champions their belts. They all raise their arms in the air meanwhile Deuce and Hornswoggle make a brisk exit to the back, clearly embarrassed with their loss.
But wait! The Colourful Connection has been knocked down! It soon becomes clear that ‘The Oddballs’, Big Daddy V and the Boogeyman are the culprits! They laugh maniacally and continue their assault! Big Daddy V splashes on Doink the Clown and The Boogeyman strikes the remaining members with a steel chair! The crowd are furious and their boo’s only encourage the duo to further their attacks.
They soon stop and stare down at their victims. They smile at each other, grab the title belts from the floor and hold them high in the air. Their music hits, a dark sinister tune, and they throw the title belts onto the battered bodies of The Colourful Connection.
Coach: What have we just witnessed?
Adamle: It looks like The Colourful Connection has a new team to be worried about!
Coach: I wouldn’t like to meet them in a dark alley!
Adamle: I would.
Santino: But think what they’d do to a’ you?
Adamle: Oh, I am...
----- Commercial Break -----
As we return Eugene is standing in the middle of the ring, unsure of what he’s doing out there. The crowd have given a fair reaction since he came out. There is almost silence in the arena as his music fades out.
A few seconds later Danny Basham’s music is heard and he comes out to a highly negative reaction from the audience. Vickie Guererro isn’t far behind; she has a chair in hand. She sets it up on top of the ramp and takes a seat, she then motions for Danny Basham to walk towards the ring. Danny has an intense look in his eyes, whilst his opponent, Eugene looks absolutely terrified. Danny enters the ring and talks trash to everyone in sight, including the crowd.
Danny Basham vs. Eugene
The bell rings and Danny Basham charges straight for Eugene. Eugene runs quickly to the corner, obviously in genuine fear of Basham. Danny laughs, as does Vickie and he grabs Eugene from the hair and pulls his face close to his, “You retard†he spits in Eugene’s face. Without warning his picks up Eugene and hits a stiff Fall Away Slam!
Adamle: He calls that the ‘Fall Away Slam’
Santino: And so does everyone else Madamle, shut up your face.
Basham goes straight for the pin!
1... 2... 3!
Winner: Danny Basham
Coach: That was a quickie!
Adamle: Well I’m up for one if you are Coach...
Coach: What did you say?
Adamle: Wait, what did you say?
Coach: That match, it was a quickie...
Adamle: Oh. Erm, yes, it was...
Danny doesn’t wasted time and heads up the ramp to hug Vickie Guererro. The crowd don’t hide their disgust and jeer loudly as they exit the arena.
-
The camera cuts backstage where The Great Khali is sat on the couch in his dressing room. He grunts and eats a handful of popcorn before scratching his crotch. He laughs an appropriate amount at the television, he is watching Friends. He laughs again as Joey walks into a door.
Unbeknownst to Khali, a figure has emerged behind him. Khali continues to laugh but is silenced as the figure; a tall, masked man has struck him with a ‘STOP’ sign. The camera pans down to Khali who is lying in a pool of blood. The camera pans up again. but the figure has already vanished.
----- Program ends -----
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