Horrible Music: a Celebration

[Sky]

I find myself gravitating, often, more to bad things than good ones. Maybe it's the fact that better minds than me have analysed the good things to death, and no one's touching the turds. Maybe I just like bashing shit. Whatever it is, I like bad things. Bad wrestling matches like Jenna/Sharmell (I have to watch that), bad movies, and this thread's subject: bad music. Whether it's a decision of the production that makes it unlistenable, or performers that just can't perform, or the concept was so bad that even greatness can't save it... it's not good. And that's why it's fun.

And remember: "it's bad" does not mean "I didn't enjoy it".

You can post your favourite bad music here. Just try to expand on why it sucks. I'll add my own examples to start off...

Sky's Personal Hall of Shame
Black Out Band - Video Games
Brian Wilson - Smart Girls
Dee Dee King - Funky Man
Gnesa - Wilder
Guns n' Roses - My World
Kevin Federline - PopoZão
Mötley Crüe - Brandon
Napoleon XIV - They're Coming To Take Me Away, Ha-Haaa!
The Peaches - Christmas Wrapping
Wolfmother - High On My Own Supply

WrestlingSmarks Hall of Shame Picks
Alternate Reality - The King That Never Was (Jeff)
Wing - Back In Black (Spidercanrana)

 

[Sky]

Brian Wilson - Smart Girls

Okay, this is a GREAT one to start. Brian Wilson was clearly not in a great mental state, no thanks to his infamous "therapist" Eugene Landy, and he was busily recording his second solo album, fittingly titled Sweet Insanity. This was meant to be one of the singles off it, but no idea why as it's beautifully shit. The reason why is one that will come up again and again in this: artists who shouldn't rap, rapping. The poorly-delivered lyrics are the most vapid shit that a braindead "sapiosexual" neckbeard would write on the Internet and think it's deep. (Just checking and Landy wrote them. Checks out.) The instrumental is just a cheap keyboard-preset-tier beat and out-of-tune samples of old Beach Boys songs. Awful. But I love it, because who in their right mind thought this would be a good idea? No one. Because Brian Wilson was not in his right mind.

 

[Sky]

Wolfmother - High On My Own Supply

Yes, that Wolfmother. This is a brilliantly bizarre effort where your favourite Australian stoner rock band (because you can't think of any others) decided they should toss out their instruments and do completely generic Z-tier EDM. The beat feels very much royalty-free, I was expecting the AudioJungle watermark any minute. Even still, vocalist and "mastermind" Andrew Stockdale doesn't appear to acknowledge the track exists - he sings nasally in a different key and rhythm to his backing! Pretty sure they never did anything like this again, thank fuck lol

 

[Bobby Barrows]

Brian Wilson - Smart Girls

Okay, this is a GREAT one to start. Brian Wilson was clearly not in a great mental state, no thanks to his infamous "therapist" Eugene Landy, and he was busily recording his second solo album, fittingly titled Sweet Insanity. This was meant to be one of the singles off it, but no idea why as it's beautifully shit. The reason why is one that will come up again and again in this: artists who shouldn't rap, rapping. The poorly-delivered lyrics are the most vapid shit that a braindead "sapiosexual" neckbeard would write on the Internet and think it's deep. (Just checking and Landy wrote them. Checks out.) The instrumental is just a cheap keyboard-preset-tier beat and out-of-tune samples of old Beach Boys songs. Awful. But I love it, because who in their right mind thought this would be a good idea? No one. Because Brian Wilson was not in his right mind.

All I gotta say is fuck Eugene Landy and I hope he rots in hell.

 

[Sky]

Black Out Band - Video Games

Gotta go for the low hanging fruit sometimes, and this hangs LOOOOOOOOW. A group of 12-year-old boys who barely know how to play their instruments, but presumably because of rich and pushy parents, they got an entire music video. The highlight of this pile of dogshit has to be, once again, the vocal. I really admire the embracement of microtonality and deliberate dissonance in the kid's voice. That is, assuming he's doing it on purpose and not just assuming his snotty whine is good singing in any genre. Feels like the kids composed the song and wrote the lyrics themselves with zero oversight, too.

 

[Y2Jayne]

I think the lyrics are cringe as hell and the overall song is too formated to be considered decent, yet I find myself listening to it once in a while because the chorus is quite catchy nonetheless

 

[Sky]

Kevin Federline - PopoZão

Remember when K-Fed beat John Cena on RAW? Horrible times. This was the first result of Britney Spears' ex trying to parlay the fame of once having slept with a singer into a musical career. It's inspired by Brazilian music and features lyrics about ass-shaking. How very deep. The vocal style and backing track combine to give the overall feeling of a Pitbull song, but if you put it into the PaRappa the Rapper game and then started playing badly so the instrumental turns into a sucky version of itself. Rubbish, in an inspired way, like only someone who thinks they know music but doesn't could make. K-Fed took the reaction to this song badly, cutting it from the tracklist of his album Playing with Fire. However, the remaining songs are bad in ways that aren't funny or memorable, which is ultimately worse.

 

[Canadian Dragon]

Kevin Federline - PopoZão

Remember when K-Fed beat John Cena on RAW? Horrible times. This was the first result of Britney Spears' ex trying to parlay the fame of once having slept with a singer into a musical career. It's inspired by Brazilian music and features lyrics about ass-shaking. How very deep. The vocal style and backing track combine to give the overall feeling of a Pitbull song, but if you put it into the PaRappa the Rapper game and then started playing badly so the instrumental turns into a sucky version of itself. Rubbish, in an inspired way, like only someone who thinks they know music but doesn't could make. K-Fed took the reaction to this song badly, cutting it from the tracklist of his album Playing with Fire. However, the remaining songs are bad in ways that aren't funny or memorable, which is ultimately worse.

I remember this trash lol

 

[Canadian Dragon]

this won worst video in 2011 in many places, including popular g4 at the times. mid life crisis dads in really fantasy outfits? check! complete failure at trying to be sexy and making the introduction cringy to the max? you know it! literally everything about the music is bad from production to execution. the singing. the laugh. cudos if you can get through the whole song. an internet classic though!

 

[Sky]

this won worst video in 2011 in many places, including popular g4 at the times. mid life crisis dads in really fantasy outfits? check! complete failure at trying to be sexy and making the introduction cringy to the max? you know it! literally everything about the music is bad from production to execution. the singing. the laugh. cudos if you can get through the whole song. an internet classic though!

This is quality stuff just for how shit it is. High concept, zero budget is an amazing combo. What in the FUCK is that vocal too

This goes in the OP

 

[Sky]

I think the lyrics are cringe as hell and the overall song is too formated to be considered decent

I get what you mean, that's your average Demi Lovato song tho

 

[Sky]

Dee Dee King - Funky Man

"People who shouldn't rap, but do" is going to be a common theme in this thread, I feel. What you have here is Dee Dee Ramone (from the Ramones, in case you couldn't tell), trying to start a rap career. He was still in the Ramones when he thought that this would be a good idea. It's very much the typical My-name-is-X-and-I'm-here-to-say hip-hop beat (you know the one) but Dee Dee's voice just isn't a rapper's voice. All he's doing is shouting through this. The lyrics are pretty much summed up as "I am awesome". Bizarrely, Dee Dee didn't take the hint of this sucking, and recorded an album of similarly bad rapping before returning to punk for good.

 

[Death By Looch]

Reminds me of this

 

[Spider Matthau]

Doesn't know the language, but puts her heart into it. First person I thought of for the public collection.

 

[Sky]

Doesn't know the language, but puts her heart into it. First person I thought of for the public collection.

Oh my. I'd vaguely heard of Wing but didn't know she was at this level of awful greatness. Singing to a different tune entirely, over what is pretty much just a MIDI you could download. This is the vibe I want to capture for this.