Deathmatch Rules 60-Minute Iron Man - Chris Candido (Chris) vs. Jon Moxley (MG)
No one told you where this match would actually be, did they? We cut to a McDonald's, where Candido and Mox are both visibly confused and unable to process what's going on. Guess they gotta fight anyway, though!
They're on a tour of the area, with Candido tossing Mox through a window, before Mox grabs a frozen burger, smashes Candido in the head, then drags him to a kids' play area. They battle among the ball pit, slides, and a rock-climbing wall, before where Moxley hits a Paradigm Shift on to an exposed, rusty nail for the pinfall. Fall 1: Candido 0-1 Moxley at 9:49
Candido, after recovering, ends up spearing Mox through the plastic window, sending them through a McDonald's table! It takes about two minutes to get to his feet, after which he plugs the bleeding nail-hole in his head with a French fry. They battle into the backrooms and head to the roof, where Candido hits the Blond Bombshell through the roof! Right on top of Psycho Killer and Lance Archer's table. The two are just... casually drinking beer together, and look especially displeased as the impact caused each man to spill his beer. They leave... for now. Fall 2: Candido 1-1 Moxley at 21:19
It takes some time for both men to get back to their feet, but soon they're straight at it again, beating lumps out of each other. They reach a zipline area... A zipline area? At McDonald's?? They do shit different in America. Candido attaches both of them to zipliners... but makes the mistake of putting himself in one set to go before Moxley's so Mox pushes him away before following him. With the momentum, Moxley knees Candido in the face, knocking him out cold. When the two zipliners reach the end, Mox detaches both of them and hits a merciful Paradigm Shift to take fall three. Fall 3: Candido 1-2 Moxley at 33:02
Moxley proceeds just to kick Candido while he's down, which feels.... so cathartic to him. It takes several minutes for Candido to recover, and at this point, both men are exhausted and bloodied. They're just throwing whatever they can at each other. Including a lead pipe, in Candido's case. However, he takes so long to reach the prone Moxley that his opponent is able to kick out. The writing seems on the wall for Mox in the final minute, with Candido about to hit him with a Blond Bombshell through a final table.... but Archer and Psycho Killer appear once again, with kendo sticks! They're thrashing Candido! Don't spill their beer! As the clock runs to zero, a near-dead Moxley smiles a bloody smile.
Winner: Jon Moxley by 2-1 in 1:00:00. Rating: ***** with fries and a Coke.
Rose Summers.
she was the only friend of someone’s freak character who lived in the boiler room lmao
