Garbage thread

[GARBAGE]

for Garbage people!

(I'll just be writing about matches in here I think)

Genichiro Tenryu/Masao Orihara vs. The Great Kabuki/Koki Kitahara (WAR 7/14/92)
I hope these motherfuckers had beers together after this. Kitahara and Kabuki were totally relentless kicking heads in and levelling throats with lariats, and making exactly none of it look flashy. Orihara when selling for all that shucked out about as good a Never Say Die showing as I can remember, even with some of the flubbed moves and that random pointless backflip. His exchanges looked really unruly when he was just swinging wildly at any body part in the way before being minced. He somehow sold to make a swinging neckbreaker look violent, and that thing usually looks like garbage. The Ganso Bomb looked utterly fucked; like CCTV footage of an assault and battery from that angle. Also on the lariats he took late in the match, there were women in the front row clasping their hands in front of their mouths and made a great visual. I thought it was pretty brilliant how they didn't immediately let Tenryu come in hot after the first Orihara FIP bit either; Kabuki blindsiding him really allowed the second hot tag to feel like The Big One instead. Tenryu obviously doesn't take kindly to that though and starts breaking up half of every pinfall, which helped the match fly further into a chaotic spectacle. The ref didn't need to squeeze in a cardio workout that week, let's say that much. And Tenryu breaking up the pinfalls with the most unpretty kicks to the head looked possibly even more disgustingly violent than anything, especially thanks to how Kitahara didn't bump or turn for them, but instead just jolted his head and stayed in place. Deranged classic.

Masao Orihara vs. Shinjiro Otani (WAR 1/16/94)
What if you spend 20 minutes in the eleventh gear? There are definitely some moments of this that could have used more selling (Orihara post-leglock) but I think what separates this from a mindless spotfest (or whatever) is that it very much felt to me like these two were throwing moves around in spite of - maybe even as a response to - the punishment taken, and not just to surprise everybody and make it a reversal-fest. There was more of a defiance to pain as oppose to an absence of it. Not to mention there was a large amount of selling anyway, tons of drunken stumbling, exhausted head-bobbling and heavy breathing; every move looked like it took hell to execute. Otani had one great miss where he went for a slap and hit wind because he groggily fell backward on his ass as it was happening. Even in the piledriver trading bit they both looked like crumpled messes (and one of the piledrivers that Orihara took holy FUCK). But anyway, the match was stiff as fuck and it takes a lot to make even your usual headlock/off the ropes/leapfrog bits look not only rugged, but really nasty and hateful. It was basically a 20 minute battle over who could better physically say "fuck you" as they continually laid each other out and kept giving cheapshots even as they lay there on the mat after a hit. Otani going for the leg initially came off as smart strategy because he clearly needed a break from being on his feet, but sadly for him he was in position for Orihara to stomp on his head while in the hold. If back and forth junior wrestling had to be popularised, I wish it was more influenced by something like this than Tiger Mask vs. Dynamite Kid. No beers after it that's for sure.

Shinjiro Otani vs. Yoshihiro Tajiri (NJPW Best of the Super Juniors 5/20/97)
Maybe Otani does in fact just hate everybody. Utterly vicious offensive showing from him, repeatedly digging his heel into Tajiri's face, stomping the shit out of him in the corner, grinding his forearm across the cheek, etc. He even does Tajiri's tree of woe sliding dropkick (maybe that's where Tajiri got it!) and we get a close up of Tajiri's squished face after it. Tajiri gets a few hope spots in those first few minutes but it's usually killed by Otani using his superior size and tenacity. Tajiri's actual competitive comeback starts with a fucking awesome spot where Otani blocks a high kick with his forearms, but only manages to hit a limp slap in retaliation, so Tajiri uses the ropes for momentum and launches his feet at Otani's leg. Can't believe how much heat they managed to create within eight minutes, and I can't believe what has to be one of the best Tajiri matches happens in 1997. Must-watch.

Rey Mysterio vs. CM Punk (Smackdown 2/12/10)
I still love this so much. I don't know whether it qualifies as a "sprint" but with the amount they crammed into the time they had, and how quickly they moved from moment-to-moment (e.g. Rey on bottom usually lasts a lot longer than this), I wouldn't think it's a stretch to say it is one. I honestly don't remember a more compelling heel Punk match than this one, just for how tenacious he is beelining for any opportunity to smash Rey to bits. Once that barricade backdrop hits (a spot that's been burned in my memory since I saw this in 2010) he takes no chances in unleashing, smashing Rey with a clothesline on the outside, dropping him a vicious backbreaker, shoving him off of the ropes, trying to keep the match grounded with holds. He throws in some talk too because of course he does. "I CAN SAVE YOU!" Like I said Rey on bottom doesn't last very long but that I think makes it more unpredictable because it's out of the norm for him to start dodging around this successfully, this early. Absolutely loved how they managed to integrate Gallows and Deeb at the end without having them just sloppily run in and ruin the match, too. From what I remember I thought this was actually better than any of their PPV matches back when, but I will watch those again. I'd be a-ok with this being the best though because it is indeed the fuckin best. I might call it a top ten SmackDown match.

 

[GARBAGE]

Randy Savage vs. Bret Hart (Saturday Night's Main Event 11/28/87)
Very good match that could have been elevated a bit more had it been more logical. It's just, I think Savage hurting his leg and taking his boot off to further expose the leg (especially the ankle), especially against a technician, is a bit of a dumb move. Hart is kind of dull on top before the leg injury but is much more fun being flung into the ring post and bumping into the turnbuckle pads and whatnot. For a heel he's not a very theatrical bumper but he'll take some rough shots to make his opponent look great (something he obviously continued becoming WWF's #1 throughout the early 90s). The guardrail shot off the apron looked particularly good; big fan of wrestlers flying into things and flopping down while holding onto said thing. Again not a fan of Savage's boot being off because it becomes a more vulnerable target, but Hart is naturally good working a limb and I dig the flash finish a lot as a convincing way for a one legged man to pull off the victory.


Luke Harper vs. Dolph Ziggler (TLC 12/14/14)
I can safely say I'll never be an actual Dolph Ziggler fan but he's good at more than a couple things, and babyface selling is where I find myself closest to becoming a fan (see also: Payback vs. Del Rio). I tend to think he oversells but when you got such a big guy and such a dangerous environment it makes each noodle-bodied bump feel warranted. It helps this type of match when a guy's not afraid to fall off of a ladder in a horizontal 270 motion and catch his arm on the ropes on the way down. Ladder matches being mostly dominated by one guy aren't totally uncommon, but I can't remember one that I'd call closer to an actual mauling than this. Some of the spots in were nuts and unlike a lot of ladder matches, the offense mixed creativity with interesting ideas really well. Harper placing Ziggler under the ladder and doing a catapult with both of them into one of the ropes looked brutal as hell; if watching live I may have been worried Ziggler destroyed part of his neck. Even worse, I legit googled in 2021 AD whether or not Harper broke his arm on that tope landing. Disgusting especially on the replays. I would have to watch the entire match again to count exactly how many areas of the body these two got lacerated on, it felt like every second camera angle there was a new spot on a finger or elbow where we'd see some blood.
I loved how infrequently they actually climbed the ladder, too, putting over Ziggler never saying die, Harper having to maul him harder to try to make him. Also because it means each climb up the ladder feels actually big, and I thought Ziggler's scurrying toward a climbing Harper was as good as anyone's, too. Pretty great match.


Dean Ambrose vs. Bray Wyatt (Raw 1/4/15)
A GOOD AMBULANCE MATCH. Late to the party on Ambrose in 2014 but he was as awesome as everyone said he was, and I would have never watched this (especially with the gimmick that's.....not usually as good as a lot of other gimmicks....attached to it) unless that was the case. And THAT would have been a shame because I can't remember a match with this gimmick that came close to this. Seeing babyface shine start the match was great for multiple reasons; (a) it's not always promised in WWE hate feuds, sadly, (b) Ambrose has a wild man approach to his offense that can easily get a crowd going, and (c) Wyatt has an especially dangerous rep so watching him caught early is a nice rarity. Seeing Wyatt resort to focusing on the leg was appropriately desperate from him at the time, and Ambrose was selling that leg the entire match even long after Wyatt had stopped targeting it. That did a great job of putting over the damage Wyatt had already done to it, and made Ambrose's own already risky offense even more risky. You never realise how much an AMULANCE MATCH can be helped by a guy who's willing to hurl himself into things. They had me a few times in the final moments; I was pretty sure it was over a good three times when it wasn't, and that involved some actually really good use of the ambulance-y weapons they had (including the ambulance table...a WWE table painting white with a red cross on the top). This makes three really good matches these two had around 2014 (this is close to 2014 so w/e), I might need to look for more just in case.


Brock Lesnar vs. Rey Mysterio (SmackDown 10/31/02)
I love this match so much. 4 minutes of basically perfect Tom & Jerry wrestling. Rey looked as spry as ever, and despite being able to dodge around Lesnar like a bug - and there being an actual moment where he narrowly avoids getting stepped on LIKE a bug - he stills throws his offense around enough for us buy him taking Lesnar by surprise. You see a match like this and think they probably shouldn't squeeze even a tiny slice of comedy into it without it becoming stupid, but Rey sprinting around everywhere, including under the ring, leading Lesnar to get lost and kicking the steps in anger like a rabid bulldog always gets me. Lesnar swinging Rey against the ring post actually sounded gross, like the ring post gave Rey a WALTER chop or something. I'd have to play-by-play this thing move for move to describe every good moment in it. The non finish might be seen as disappointing, but considering what the non finish actually IS, I am alllll for it, and no I won't say it because that would spoil the fun. Again it's maybe 4 minutes long, but I think it's still a really overlooked little match.

 

[GARBAGE]

Tamon Honda vs. Daisuke Ikeda (NOAH 9/1/01)
Badass match initially based around Honda's superior ground work before they start trying to finish each other off with suplexes and lariats. Ikeda's first real chance comes minutes after Honda keeping him in check. Ikeda starts blasting Honda with kicks and forearm blows (that first kick looked stiff as hell, too), which at least wore Honda down, but Honda just keeps going low and bringing him lateral to give himself a breather. Honda had some strikes of his own but he was against the Potato King himself so he had to be smart in tying up Ikeda's limbs instead. Ikeda, finding any opening he could, delivered a GREAT counter where he was holding onto the ropes to prevent a German, but then instead improvises by pushing on the rope with his boot, going down with Honda and from what I could tell landing on Honda's HEAD. Awesome end stretch filled with almost each move, no matter how basic, being a potential ender. This is the kind of match that makes you respect every suplex or takedown. Great finish, too, thanks to Honda actually kind of slipping up on that STF and having to change gears. I gotta watch more 2001 Honda because the Akiyama match this same week is a MOTYC and he can't have just decided to try to build a WOTYC case in September. Then again, Bryan Danielson's done it in 2021 so who knows.


Shawn Michaels vs. Steve Austin (WWF at Stockton, CA 1/4/97)
This handheld was put online recently with this as the main event, and I've been wanting to see what these two were doing at live events for years so fuck yeah. Austin gets the mic before the match (might have even been after the bell rang?) but I can't hear a thing which a damn shame because every word that guy said on tv in 1997 was pretty much diamond. It looked like a lot of crowd taunting though based on his pointing. He starts walking down the entrance (...exit) way, which I think was for trying to trick Michaels and catch him from behind quickly. He then begins to directly walk over to people in the front row and flip them off before actually beginning a tie up with Michaels. Diamond. The match isn't anything you haven't seen before and Austin sits in that chin lock for too long but it's worth watching for the personality. Its the total Austin Show with a lot of pointing and mouthing off and anger and cockiness and hair pulling and using the ropes during said too-long chin lock. He misses his jump-on-dude-while-they're-hung-up-on-second-rope move and just gets back on his feet and flips a double bird. It's easy to forget how floppy and twisty he was bumping/selling before his neck broke, too. Watching something like this it's easy to understand why Austin is critical of people not making their own opportunities, because he just wasted absolutely no time getting himself over through late 96 and 97 with attention-grabbing performances like this one. I questioned a couple times whether Michaels was having one of his "special moments" during this, because after he took a long time to get out of the chin lock, he also seemingly almost took a count out loss when he wasn't supposed to. Even at his worst he's usually very very energetic and he came off pretty pedestrian here.


Kazushi Sakuraba vs. Hiromitsu Kanehara (Kingdom 12/2/97)
This is the first Kingdom match I think I've ever watched, and I liked the format of only 5 rope breaks and/or downs each creating quick but escalating drama. They're also wearing gloves which is pretty unlike any other shoot style promotion (not even Vader wore gloves in UWFi) but thank god they were because they fucking HANDED it to each other when throwing blows. I actually said "fuck me" aloud at one of the bursts. They mostly spent the match grappling though, which I was enamoured with. Really quick chess game of steering with the skid, slapping on a submission no matter how close to the ropes to force a point loss, and gripping onto to themselves to try to stop a hold. The cross-armbreaker played a strong part, being the first rope break and being responsible for a couple more down the road. Was a really easy to create tension (physically and dramatically) because the guy in it would rush for the ropes like a cat every time, once their own vice grip was busted. The only actual down of the match comes when Sakuraba tries to duck a kick, I think not realising Kanehara is actually aiming pretty low, and catches it square in the face - and let me tell you, people - this is straight up as nasty and violent a kick I can remember in a match (outside of Akira Maeda actually trying to injure people, I guess). I wouldn't wish it on anybody but it sure as hell made for a perfect surprise down, especially because Sakuraba was looking exhausted by then and looked to let his guard down by a bit. Sakuraba tries to return to submissions after getting up from that - including a cross-armbreaker attempt - even to try to whittle away Kanehara's score (Sakuraba was down 3-1 by now) which really helped put the kick over. I won't spoil the last few minutes but it ties in the rest of the match really, really well, including the finish. I will note Kanehara trying and failing to swing near the end, as a desperate attempt to finish it because he got the only down in the match earlier. Wouldn't surprise me if the first Kingdom match I watched is the best of them all.


Kazushi Sakuraba vs. Hiromitsu Kanehara (Kingdom 12/8/97)
Maybe this company fell so quickly because they kept asking people who already brutalised each other to do it again six days later. This gets less time than the previous match (like before I won't spoilt the finish, though I'll say it's pretty abrupt) and maybe it's because of that the grappling is actually quicker in the earlier goings than before. I'd have to go back to them both to really know but I think Sakuraba spent more time on his back here, playing defensive and catching Kanehara in more traps. There's even a bit where Kanehara flips Sakuraba from his back to his knees, almost like someone would for a powerbomb. Kanehara delivers another fucker of a kick right after trying to level Sakuraba with elbows and even knee lifts to the head, all of which looked obviously rough. I don't even know how hard Sakuraba may have feel had one of the knees connected. It's less complete than the previous match thanks to the finish, leaving the match feel a bit like it's nuts were cut off, but still very much worth a look.

 

[Chris]

This is good shit

 

[GARBAGE]

Thanks dood~


Rey Mysterio vs. Chris Kanyon (WWE Velocity 10/11/03)
Fun, fun match. Kanyon bumps really well for Rey shine (!!including a classic Arn Anderson style "head bash into each turnbuckle" spot!!) and, being the innovaty guy people know him as, the big cut off spot was pretty unique. Kanyon could have easily just run Rey into the ring post since he already had Rey in that horizontal hold, but he instead chucks Rey vertically in the air so he lands on the barricade. Unique while not being desperate or silly. He keeps his focus on the back and Rey sells it consistently, even taking chances against a high risk offense and improvising. E.g., Kanyon caught him on his shoulder and instead of twisting out of it, trying a hurricanrana, etc, he just shifts his weight and drops down with a reverse DDT. He uses Kanyon's momentum against him too by holding his boot up while keeping himself up with the ropes. Funny spot where he actually I think does a baseball slide low blow, but after it, on the apron, tells a baffled ref it was in the midsection. His 619 set up is one I can't ever remember seeing before too and he should have done it way more often. It was like a bulldog from one rope to the other, way better and less criticisable than some of "oh look where the heel wound up!" 619 set ups. I've been (slowly) going through Velocity episode-by-episode since 2019 (I said slowly) and this might be as good as anything in these first 16 months.


Yoshihiro Takayama vs. Yuji Nagata (NJPW 5/2/03)
No I did not write that date incorrectly, these two had a rematch exactly one year to the date after their 2002 epic, and I had to find out for myself. Now that I've seen it I can't say I'm terribly surprised, it's definitely a disappointing rematch, albeit certainly not bad. The opening stages are pretty standard though well worked, with Takayama overpowering Nagata on hammerlocks and tests of strength. It isn't until Takayama backs him up into the ropes and delivers a surprise high kick that Nagata begins to suffer something similar to the fate of your usual Takayama opponent around this time. The kick itself wasn't Kanehara-on-Sakuraba loud but that's no shot at it; I definitely went back in the video to check if Takayama did a thigh slap (or, boot slap, didn't sound like flesh-on-flesh). Takayama doesn't gain full control because of that, and Nagata even has his own awesome little flurry of kicks, but it doesn't take long for Takayama to dominate with strikes. I don't really ever remember finding Nagata to be a compelling seller but his vocal sells on Takayama's kicks and knees here were excellent. There was one running knee in the corner in particular that made him go off like he'd had a baseball bat swung at his ribs. It's only until an Everest German attempt that Nagata gets actual momentum, focusing on the left arm. He delivers some pretty stiff kicks and puts force behind the.....ok what is that move called where you drop your opponent's arm on your own shoulder? The commentator was just calling them "armbreakers"......yeah that, even if it gets a little repetitive to watch. Some of his prone elbows and this one corner knee looked pretty soft, too, which isn't great when he's trying to convince me he's resisting a Takayama onslaught. Takayama gets a great knee that flips Nagata over but then they just have a forearm battle and a punch war. The latter was pretty cool it's just....come on....am I suppose to believe Nagata wouldn't get wiped out? I can buy kicks to the head tipping the mountain over, not those punches when the mountain is punching back. The Everest that landed could have had a better build up. This had it's moments and I'd call it pretty good. Still, after watching it I can't say I mind it being a little forgotten.


Sangre Chicana vs. Brazo de Oro (CMLL 6/14/92)
CABELLERA!! What a super Chicana performance. In his 40s, a rudo, and nowhere near as mobile as he used to be (or his colleagues are in 1992), so it's covered by having a bum leg. Even then he had a couple limber dropkick sells that fuckin ruled. You know how wrestlers jump to catch/sell a crossbody? He was kind of doing that for the dropkicks. I'll emphasise "kind of" because the VQ is bad enough I won't say that confidently.
Two very small falls which seem almost meaningless, lead up to being very much not meaningless during the third fall. Chicana (the rudo here) pins Oro with a top rope knee drop to get the first, and then misses it in the second fall to get the loss. And he's limping baaaad based on that one miss. Brazo misses nothing, and no opportunities ripping at the leg and applying holds, even having the ref have to pull him away at certain points, and just saying fuck it and pulling Chicana away on a rope break. Chicana's selling was really great, and I thought he pulled off being too in pain to even begin to mount an offense again, while being kind of subdued and not theatrical. Example, there was one moment he was caught in a figure four and just trying to reach out at Brazo in a desperate flurry, but it proved fruitless so he begins sadly reaching for the ropes. It looked kind of pathetic. Brazo, of course, did not care and kept the hold on. Such an interesting way they built to the rudo being the one having to survive the near falls and try to get a comeback. The finish involves both men's second (Super Porky and Bestia Salvaje) and I'll have to agree with the "increíble"s coming from commentary because it's goddamn increíble that some seemingly minor interference actually added heat to, and capped off, a big match satisfyingly (at least I thought so). This really was an awesome, fascinating match; I'm unsure how many apuestas have been done like it, but they'd be foreign to me, so it felt like quite the spectacle.

 

[Josh Drake]

I think this user is as Paranoid As Heaven Is Wide.

 

[GARBAGE]

I vow to make this my idea of a good time. Push it until this old dog with new tricks just don't care any more.


America's Most Wanted vs. Slash/Brian Lee (NWA TNA 1/8/03)
Asked a friend for an old TNA rec so she gave me this, and it was exactly the kind of under-the-radar thing I wanted. Like damn did NWA TNA actually have tag matches that felt like NWA tag matches? Watching this in a vacuum I'd almost be fooled into thinking they were actually, quality-wise, a great competitor/alternative to WWE at the time. First few minutes are spent brawling out of the ring with low blows and wire chokes and concrete suplexes, with AMW ultimately losing the upperhand they had with a Michinoku Driver on the ramp by Slash. They work a pretty classic FIP following that and Slash & Lee (in a group called The Disciples of...whatever, I forget, look it up) mix up their offense pretty creatively. Slash (who is Wolfie D btw) has some really cool running headbutts/shoulder tackles, and at one point just kind of steps all over Storm with both boots. Storm's best chance came when hitting an enzuigiri to Slash, but Slash actually swings left and accidentally (!?) headbutts the ref in the fucking stomach, leading to the ref being blind to the hot tag. What a weird and cool little spot. Harris has the ref accidentally (!) distracted because of that and Lee levels Storm with the belt outside. The finish stretch is stuffed with tons of kick outs and a chair and POWDER and BELT WHIPPING and a SPIKE and interference and the ref just straight up not doing his job and I thought it dragged a bit but not enough to complain about it. Super fun tag, good enough that there's a sick part of me that believe a Best of TNA list/poll would actually be an enjoyable endeavour.


Genichiro Tenryu vs. Nobutaka Araya (WAR 1/14/98)
Did 1998 Tenryu vs. 2005 Necro Butcher just become my dream match? I don't really know what the deal is here but when Tenryu has no cool and sprints for his opponent then something must have gone down between them previously. There were a lot of moments that, on paper, might read like flashy highlight video package bait, but in execution was just ugly, gritty, hateful violence. Like, Tenryu takes a moonsault while standing, and his spleen might have gotten the worst of it because of the landing. Araya goes ham with a kendo stick (even smashing it against the ring post to loosen the bamboo) and Tenryu blades his own arm to put the whacks over. He starts jamming it into Tenryu's throat too and I half-wondered if Tenryu would start blading his neck. Tenryu getting a moment during an Araya run-up to lift a boot allows him to chop the guy dead in the fucking throat, which looked more violent than any smash with a foreign object possibly could. When I tell you he looked to THROW his arm about as hard as he could, please believe me. I swear if the match had ended here we'd have probably the greatest five minute match of all time on our hands with a 10/10 finish. Tenryu isn't entirely on top following that, but still just finds an opportunity to chuck chairs into Araya's head, and dive on him by also basically just landing on his noggin. He barely looked like he could execute the dives he was doing but the end result definitely came off as a guy with a fat ass throwing all his weight onto somebody to try to win a legit battle. Tenryu mostly has Araya where he wants him (even Araya's nose is bloody by the looks of it) so he brings it back in the ring and starts throwing the usual chops and kicks, but Araya doesn't need weapons to build an offensive again either, so we get a pretty even last few minutes. Tenryu might do one of the best facial sells of a SLAP ever during. What a wild clash of cellulite and muscle. I went over to PWO to read thoughts on this and couldn't believe how low most of them are rating it, I'm pretty sure I'd call it at least a middle MOTYC for '98.


Jun Akiyama vs. Katsuyori Shibata (Wrestle-1 Grand Prix 8/4/05)
Really, really awesome start that set the tone for the whole match. Shibata, the young'un, tries steam-rolling the legend and actually busts Akiyama open on a few kicks to the head. Akiyama gets absolutely furious and they wind up outside, with Akiyama chucking chairs down at Shibata like a madman. Not folding chairs either; like, Shibata was eating LEG. He was even more violent later after more Shibata offense. Shibata swings a kick and hits pole instead, but doesn't allow himself to fall over so to not leave Akiyama any oxygen. The damage, unfortunately for him, is already done, and Akiyama sees the opening. I actually loved that Akiyama didn't just predictably target the leg from that point in a major way (other than one chair swing), instead dropping him on the announce table, giving him a piledriver on the concrete, and brutalising his upper area with chair shots. He really appeared to just be too angry to go with the obvious "limb work" strategy and let his emotions fight for him for a bit. Even when Shibata tries getting back in the ring, Akiyama just sprints at him with some sort of ballistic, uncouth knee smash that looked like it almost made Akiyama himself fly out of the ring. Shibata doesn't get any less rowdy because of all this; fighting out of a front facelock with blows to the mid-section, and persisting with the kicks. Speaking of the facelock, the crowd were sadly pretty heatless for all submission moves; I feel like, with the blood, they should have been taken seriously as moves that could have knocked the opponent out. I wish some of those exploders were sold a bit more, too. Though Shibata at least does the "surprise get up from big move" better than almost anybody in the 21st Century because of his in-between selling, but I've spoken on that before. And those little negatives didn't stop it being a really, really good match.


Shinya Hashimoto/Tadao Yasuda vs. Masao Inoue/Tamon Honda (Zero-One 4/18/01)
It's Zero-One vs. NOAH! And, I hear, Tadao Yasuda is a NJPW guy but I don't really know much about him beside what I just read now on wikipedia. Been both a sumo wrestler and an MMA fighter in addition to a puroresu-ra, turns out. He is wearing gloves here, but more importantly has "SOUL" on his trucks and I swore it said "SOUP" before coming to the sad realisation it did not.
Pretty subdued Hashimoto performance. When he wasn't chopping or kicking it almost looked like he was just waiting for his opponent to do something. He and Honda almost came to blows before the match begun, so their initial show down should have felt big. Alas, Honda comes in to interfere while Hashimoto and Inoue are squaring off, leading to it feeling like I'd lost a sneeze. If Honda was gonna rush in then, at least let the match totally go to bonkers city. They did do a great little tentative dance around each other when actually both legal, but didn't have too memorable an exchange. Honestly, I can say that about the whole match. It had highlights, was enjoyable enough, I was excited to see more 2001 Honda (like I said writing about Honda vs. Ikeda), especially opposite Hashimoto, but didn't deliver anything close to greatness. Didn't help the finish was total trash, I have no idea what even happened. Yasuda had this semi-limp leg lock on (he even let one of his arms go and looked away at one point), and the ref just called for the bell. Inoue submitted? I don't want to make it sound as if this is a bad overall match, but I'd be disappointed if this isn't the worst of inter-promotional Hashimoto. Surprised, too, actually.

 

[GARBAGE]

Mitsuharu Misawa vs. KENTA (NOAH 8/28/04)
Misawa was clearly more physically limited by this point than his prime, but a simple structure and an awesome, super motivated KENTA, not to mention Misawa himself still obviously giving a shit, made for a really cool 13 minutes. KENTA really was badass here, constantly going between desperate, speedy attempts at offense and foggy-eyed stupors. There was a great sense of defiance to everything he did, right down to copying some of the moves Misawa did himself, obnoxiously starting the match with his own elbows, and even doing the fucking Kawada kicks which Misawa promptly and hilariously no sells before giving him a look of "are you fucking kidding me?" KENTA even mocks the way Misawa wipes sweat off of his face which was pretty hilarious. Misawa's limitations obviously doesn't cover his elbows, which were always the brakes to KENTA's acceleration. He could take a slap to the face and look you down, but hit another elbow and he folds over. I'll always be impressed with how the 90s All Japan crew could form a hot finish run out of thin air. KENTA, continuing being defiant, tries, and nearly pulls off a win with the Emerald Flowsion, but you just get the sense he would have gotten closer to a victory trying to win as KENTA. A very neat little addition to that big Misawa/Ogawa vs. KENTA/Marufuji tag from a few months prior.


Kenta Kobashi vs. Takeshi Rikio (NOAH 3/6/04)
This was long-ish and honestly not a lot happened that was worth talking about. I've seen Rikio a good few times before, but not for years now, so my memory had eaten away what he'd even looked like. I kept waiting for him to be impressive enough to justify a GHC title shot and I just never got it, at least in these 25 minutes. They start off at least establishing Rikio taking this chance best he could, and Kobashi being too much of a legendary badass for Rikio to totally dominate. Dunno if I have a spot to mention for you but Kobashi's chops are stiff so that's cool. Rikio's time comes when he goes for the leg for a bit, culminating in a scorpion death lock, and other than when he awesomely splashed onto the leg, I can't tell you he did anything interesting in all that time. The leg is totally dropped pretty much there which in most cases might be disappointed but when I already don't give a shit then well go ahead and drop it. This picks up a bit after twenty whole damn minutes when they actually start trying to win the match, resulting in me wishing they'd just thrown bombs right from the start for half the time they got. They didn't really do anything especially unique and Rikio never did impress me, but at least the match finally had some drama. Ok match but if I was told gun-to-head to watch it again, I'd risk a bullet by asking if I could at least get my phone out. It's worst offense really was just being kind of boring, not even badly done or anything. They really ended Kobashi's two year reign to give this dude the belt a year later huh. Worst Kobashi GHC defense?


Yoshinari Ogawa vs. Akira Taue (NOAH 5/26/02)
Another pretty uninteresting GHC defense in the lead up, but a much, much better end stretch than Kobashi/Rikio. This had more going on than Kobashi/Rikio even before, and I got the sense that with a hot crowd I would have at least been fooled into thinking it was more quality wrestling, but man can I not recall any pivotal moments in most of the first ten minutes. I mean I guess that's not true; Ogawa was on top a bit because of an eye poke, and Taue managed to slam Ogawa on the outside by his throat (which looked GREAT because of the lack of a real "lift"; it was kind of just a pure drag down and slam). It's just, they didn't really feel very consequential, maybe because of the lack of heat. Ogawa starting another comeback with an eye poke, and then a failed Irish whip was pretty bad. What follows that is Taue getting up continuously, and progressively more slowly, from DDTs and back drops which actually kicks off the match making some noise. They work a good run from there, especially Ogawa in the sleeper which looked impossible to get out of before his limp leg swings successfully get him the rope after multiple failed reaches. Ogawa also had an excellent pin counter to a back drop that would have made for a great finish itself. Swear to god it felt like watching a different match seeing the excitement creep in after what felt like eight minutes of autopilot. Great visual at the end of a victorious Ogawa playing dead while the defeated challenger stands beside himself with his hands on his hips. if someone JIP'ed this to it's best bits they'd just have to keep the last six or so minutes.

 

[GARBAGE]

Watched (most of) Full Gear. Muddled paragraphs incoming.

I thought really highly of Darby/MJF. Did not feel like over 20 minutes at all. Darby might have the best small man dive ever. Or at least, the most rough looking. Comes at em like a fuckin ballista shot. MJF's selling and constant yelling of "SHIT!" for the leg was greatness. What a spot that powerbomb on the knee was. Some of the pin stuff maybe came at a strange time making it too cutesy (esp it happening after the tombstone on the apron), but I thought they did a pretty excellent job meshing the chain pins and whatnot with the conflicting attitudes. Finish was awesome even after I worried it'd be some dumb sports entertainment crap where Darby WEIGHS THE CONSEQUENCES of throwing the skateboard down MJF's throat.

FTR having Midnight Express remix music ruled though they wrestled nothing like an 80s team in the match, but I couldn't tell you if they did late in the match because I skipped ahead. People I cannot fucking stand the Lucha Bros at this point. I just kind of hate the back-and-forth way they work and I'm saying that as someone who did find a decent bit of enjoyment in the cage with the Bucks. Danielson/Miro really was disappointing. Unsure I'd call it good tbh, but also unsure if part of the reason for that is Daniel Bryan (as JR called him, at least three times in the match) had maybe four of the ten best matches of the year in five weeks not long ago. I think this could have been more of a "Danielson works from the bottom" story, though I could see that happening so soon after the opener being a little redundant. Actually maybe I'm entirely wrong there and the problem is Danielson didn't get enough offense; ten years of being the Sad Goat Boy Who Could has thankfully already been undone (as good as he was at it) but this did kind of feel like a WWE Danielson main event. I'll watch this again in a vacuum one day because I sort of zoned out eventually. Finish was pretty rad. One of the Jacksons (Mick or Nat, idr) having a purple handlebar was AWESOME. Adam Cole should have come out with purple eyebrows. Can't believe Christian still has his Evanescence rip off song, hilarious considering it was his old TNA theme and Dale Oliver composed (well....) it. Match was a lot of in-and-out, spot here, spot there, thing-to-make-crowd-go-"OHH!" which is very much not my thing. I didn't have basically any feeling toward it, which I suppose is progress because years ago I would have been pissed off by it. Most likely not annoyed by it now because this kind of thing's become more common since "years ago" but hey being less annoyed period is good for the...health or something. Anyway I wound up skipping ahead to the finish. There was a thumbtack knee pad or some shit.

LMAO Cody Rhodes. Hate that guy. Loved the part during his entrance where he did a 450 off the stage just to show you he could suck his own dick all the way through the flip. Hope his baby isn't watching the entrances because the grandiosity of them is so laughable they'd be a choking hazard for somebody that young. Eat all the shit, neck tattoo douchebag. Speaking of which, why does he have a neck tattoo on his chest and a chest tattoo on his neck? How do you not look at that in the mirror and regret it every day? Too bad Stephanie Rhodes wasn't there. CHIEF BRAND OFFICER. Who wants to watch their shitty reality show with me. Remember when they had the first ever interracial baby in US-of-A history and 2Pac knocked on their door to give Cody the n-word pass? Iconic. Malakai Black's theme be like "WHAAASLAHAHAHA. TOLLARARARAAAAA. HLAAAAAASSAAWATA." Tony Schiavone saying "Cody Rhodes is a complex character too" while the audience just yells "FUCK YOU CODY!" was hilarious. PAC is always cool. I went to cagematch and held my hand across half the screen to not be spoiled for Punk/Kingston to see how long this went, and saw it was 17 minutes so I skipped to the finish. Anyone else find it weird AEW has a woman whose fake surname sounds so much like "cunty" depending on accent? Speaking of names, here's a fun fact: D.M.D. stands for Die, Meltzer, Die until Baker gets her coveted 5* match. Maybe she should learn how to throw an elbow first. By all accounts I think she's overrated as fuck, to hell with it. Boring match.

Punk/Kingston was fucking excellent, I need to do some rewatching but it's probably the best match of the year and honestly might be the best CM Punk match I can remember. Kingston was unreal in it, from selling like he was disappointed in himself, to his celebration of Punk bleeding (holy crap did Punk throw his face into the ring post btw), to almost every desperation move just being a quick series of angry strikes, to how he sold the first Go 2 Sleep before, and after, Punk ducked his backfist. On that note, Punk using the G2S as almost a flash move maybe shouldn't work on paper but was shockingly seamless. Can't believe I just watched a hate match with a tribute to John Cena, Eddie Guerrero, and Frye vs. Takayama and it didn't suck. By the way, am I wrong or was there no pin fall attempt made in the match before the actual winning one? I really have a feeling this'll be one of those where I find new things to love on every watch.

I would have watched the Inner Circle/whoever tag if I didn't start work at 6am. There is no way that many people actually enjoy Jericho's song. I felt slightly weird watching the main event because it's a really big match and I know basically shit all about Page or how this title shot even came about. Guy's got some bitchin entrance music and hey a HORSEY. Didn't really care for the match. Had a lot of my issues with a lot of Omega where he'll throw out several big, impressive moments that wind up feeling basically meaningless. Like, the sunset flip powerbomb from the top rope, the dragon suplex on the apron, and Tiger Driver 98 were all pretty close together and Page only marginally wrestled differently a few minutes later. One of those would have been fine to get the point across, it's just excessive to me. I just watch something like this and forget what was even happening five minutes ago, which is ironic given people will say Omega is the ultimate "telling a story" wrestler. I will say Omega's "look at THIS!" style of wrestling works better for me when he's a heel. Punk/Kingston was great, by the by.

 

[GARBAGE]

Eddie Guerrero vs. Rey Mysterio Jr. (WCW Nitro 12/21/98)
The LWO implodes or whatever with Eddie feeling like Rey is too much of his own man, so Eddie responds by yelling at him and beating the fucking shit out of him for the better part of a dozen minutes. This was squash match-level for most of it, and based on it, I wish we had more Eddie Guerrero squash matches. I couldn't even list the amount of interesting moves he did if I tried, and everything right down to thumping Rey on the back of the head with his fists looked tough. The powerbomb was one of THOSE kinds of powerbombs - you know, the THOSE kinds, the SPLAT, BOUNCE and FOLD kinds. These nutters even pulled off a suplex to the outside (that was Rey-on-Eddie violence, though) which Eddie sells by possibly yelling obscenities. Great opening spots with Eddie pulling Rey's tights from outside so he flies into the guardrail, and the steel steps Irish whip that made the steps sliiiide a little. Looked so cool. Later, Eddie gets tossed out the ring and Rey, composing himself, pulls a FOOL MOVE and turns his back and crouches to recuperate only for Eddie to SLIDE INTO THE RING WITH A CHOPBLOCK? How? Who even thinks of that? Rey's springs of life maybe came too easily a couple times considering all the punishment, but they never really lasted so hey whatever. Have I actually underrated Eddie Guerrero at a point in his career? I don't remember thinking he was this badass in 1998 a decade ago, makes me want to see everything he did that year.

 

[GARBAGE]

Here's every Virus singles match I could find from the 2000s. For some reason can't come across the lightning match with Valiente in 2009.

Virus vs. Ricky Marvin (CMLL 14/12/00)
Maybe the most unfortunately named wrestler to praise for the past couple years but VIRUS! A lot of the best rudo luchadores always manage to do the classiest looking grappling, while still keeping in character just by reacting to everything, and Virus just brings it. You can play-by-play some of this to me on paper and I'd be like "ehhh" but the execution is where the in-sync-yet-unco-operative magic happens. They even did some 'duck a backflip pose' thing and then Virus just dropkicks Marvin in the chest for it. First fall had a pretty great botched finish where Marvin slapped on an octopus, but Virus tripped to one knee, which looked like a potential counter until Marvin just improvised with a crucifix pin while Virus' leg was still caught up. Shout out to Virus' abdominal stretch, where he stepped backward so one of Marvin's ankles was rolled. Was pretty ugly. The second fall was great, with Marvin trying for a bum rush but after one Irish whip too many, Virus splats his face on the ground like he's shaking sand off a beach towel. I almost thought they'd go for two falls based on how kick out-heavy it was getting but Virus wasn't done bringing the face splats to tear Marvin down. The third fall started with Marvin not even being able to stand without tumbling which was a super cool dichotomy to the sprint he did to start the second. Falling flat on his face after Virus ducked the lariat was maybe a little goofy but hey he pulled it off all right. His tempo picks up throughout the fall but I thought, for the most part, he did a really good job of coming across as someone pushing themselves. Virus is unreal good at "caught off guard" selling, including somehow making dropkicks to the knee look like they should actually be flipping him 270 degrees. This was really, really good.


Virus vs. Tony Rivera (CMLL 8/11/07)
Pretty good but also not terribly good hair match. Rivera was bumping really well and had a hell of a couple dives but did this annoying thing where after taking an offensive move he'd keep trying to rally the crowd. It could be a pretty big move but he'd sit up and motion his hands like "COME ON." Virus had some great looking moves, but some of them came at frustrating times. There was one arm drag on the outside was CRAZY because of how he sprung off of the apron, but he'd just eaten a dive so it felt out of place to me. Though there was one top rope splash Rivera tried which Virus countered with an arm drag that looked fuckin awesome. I was hoping at least the third fall would rock, and it was the best fall of the match, but it didn't get much time and some of it was a bit just..."Doing Stuff." Again, pretty good, but not the easiest watch. Didn't help they kept airing Dos Caras Jr. interview packages in between, which I mean maybe I'm just used to seeing that stuff cut out if it's normally there, but it was a little distracting. Honestly the best parts of the match were Virus grabbing Rivera's hair and punching him in the face over and over again. If I saw that in a GIF or something I might've gotten expectations the match was 4*+


Virus vs. Rocky Romero (CMLL 12/11/04)
ROPPONGI VIRUS. Romero really got around in 2004 huh. The announcer and commentary were calling him "Ricky Romero," and on the graphics he was "Habana Brother I." Ok. He was decent here but sort of approached it like he was filling time. I thought Virus was clearly carrying him through it, like selling a simple wrench of the leg as if Romero could win a fall with it. A big contrast from Romero's basic bitch armbar/reversal, then selling like "no!" and staring into space waiting for the next thing to happen like every average wrestler in America does. I wish there was a term for it, I just kind of notice, especially in the early goings of a match, a lot of people seem to sell things in chain wrestling as a formality until the move changes. Like, hammerlock exchanges are the biggest offender. You know what I mean? Can you picture it? Maybe I'm just full of shit. With all that said anyway, I thought how evenly the first fall was worked was pretty pleasant. Virus reversed a fucking leapfrog somehow. Like actually reversed it, by ducking and pulling onto Romero's leg so he splat, not just whacking Romero in mid air or something. What the hell man. Romero showed a lot more tenacity in the second fall, which got basically no time at all before he submits, and was a way more believable seller in the third fall. Still, it's Virus being a great offensive wrestler that elevates it. It's like he's wearing some kind of jet-propelled boots that allow him to fling around without using the strength in his legs. And that's to say nothing of how he can roll into a submission so seamlessly. I liked how sparingly they used actual nearfalls too, compared to submission attempts; it made each kick out big. In an ideal world we'd be getting Virus vs. all the best luchadores of this time showing up online instead, but this was still definitely a goody.


Virus vs. Fuerza Guerrera (CMLL 8/30/02)
DID I SAY THE BEST LUCHADORES? This was JIP'ed because of course we can never have nice things. And in continuation of that, the first thing we see is Virus blowing like three moves after I just praised him to the moon for being smooth. I would say he was actually less crisp here than normal, though he still has the same quality of treating every move and exchange like it means something through his facial expressions, etc. Despite what I said in the first sentence Fuerza was most probably not one of the best luchadores of the mid-2000s due to age, or....due to age and not just wrestling like a deranged old brawler yet like a lot of the best grandpa luchadores. This has a chance to devolve into that when Fuerza gets a large chunk of mask ripped off and face bitten, but after a top rope slam (they were on the top rope when Virus tore at the mask), they just do a strike exchange. They get more bump heavy after that for a couple minutes which was enjoyable even if some of it felt inconsequential. Match was ok, but pretty underwhelming considering the talent. Would have almost certainly been better in a year like 2018 where Fuerza would have just tried to eat Virus alive like he did Demus that year.

 

[DammitC]

These paragraphs that nobody reads

 

[Chris]

These paragraphs that nobody reads

I'm reading them, what the fuck is your issue?

 

[Chris]

@GARBAGE Could I ask for more output and that you tag @DammitC so he doesn't miss any?

 

[GARBAGE]

Welp, you're the supervisor! I will begin my deep dive into every episode of the Bold and the Beautiful starting tomorrow.