FWA 'Back In Town' || Card & Discussion Thread.

[Rosie]

Here is one from...

@The Gipper Reagan Cole, guest starring Jeffry Mason.

We'll see what I can do for feedback at night as opposed to early morning. Maybe there will be less cans of worms opened up?

I'm going to jump into the negatives first, but then do the positives because there are some genuine things I have high high high praise for. I think something you can work on is presentation. Like a small thing is including a picture of an old radio with a watermark on it, and not scaling the image down to fit a bit better visually with your promo. Also you seem to interject some almost fourth wall narration in it which, while funny, I think takes me out of it. Specifically

"as well as a Henry Cavill Superman shirt, maybe a hint to the fact that he is being forced to be someone he isn’t, YEAH YOU HEARD ME SNYDER FANS, but whatever it may hint at, it sticks out like a sore thumb"

And

"Reagan and Jeffry are opposite to each other with good old TYLER in the middle. Symbolism."

I think you don't need to outright say "You see this? IT IS SYMBOLISM!" or hit us over the head with it. But, you actually can bring attention to it more subtly. Like mention that the shirt sticks out, but don't say "It's a hint." Or say something like, I'll use example from another superhero.

Say a character is an anti-hero who is willing to use heelish tactics to get a victory. "Brandishing on his shirt is the infamous skull of The Punisher, a vigilante who uses typically heinous means in the name of fighting crime." I think that is a bit more subtle because then you go "Hmm, reminds me of this character." while still bringing attention to it if you really want them to notice. I also noticed that you had Reagan in one line crossed out. Not sure if that was intentional.

But I think where this promo shines is the interaction between Jeffry and Reagan. It... oddly paints Jeffry in a bit of a sympathetic light, though potentially could also be his manipulation, and explains his motivations in trying to get wrestlers under his "mentorship." Also since I am nostalgic for old feds, even if for the good memories there was some bad, it provides context for their history for those who may have missed it or are just tuning in. Even referencing an e-fed which I don't even consider as part of lore in my own alum from our NGW because we never posted the show (Unless Jeffry secretly did and if so, did I win!?). I also think the focus on a bit more story and character development makes sense given that this is the first step in the storyline with Bellatrix. Jeffry hints at why he wants to target her, though leaves out enough details where we can learn more. Reagan also shows some fire in this promo which is nice. And, once again, the fact that these enemies seemingly have one ground to stand on about family, Jeffry losing his and Reagan wanting to keep his, was a nice conclusion piece.

So some rough stuff around the edges in terms of presentation, but the meat and potatoes of the promo really shine and are more filling than a bowl of Beerios.

 

[Sully]

@Princess Rosé

Princess Nova - I think your scene-setting abilities are top-notch. Your details at the beginning of the promo really put me there in The Residence. Using the Fake Happy song as a way to transition us into Princess Nova's dialog was a nice touch and it worked for me overall. I played the song as I was reading it for immersion purposes. I'm not sure how many matches Nova has had so far but this is the first promo I read and I feel like it was a really great introduction or formal introduction for the character. I like how this promo isn't overcomplicated with many characters, scenes, and stories. It's sort of what I was talking about in the discord a few days ago about writing a solid monologue promo. I mentioned how it has to have a good theme behind it, and good character development.

I get some major Elsa vibes from Princess Nova. A princess who's fighting her dark past, but also embracing growth.

Of course, I do sense a bit of irony in what she's saying. The idea that when she was stripped down to her minimalist core she wasn't happy or who she was. But when she put on the fancy dresses, makeup, shoes, etc she suddenly became the princess and is all of a sudden real happy? Which feels backward because truly all the clothes and makeup are all for show.

Not to Psycho analyze an e-fed character but she's straight up masking as a coping mechanism. Hope to see more development on that in the future from her. With all that said my only real gripe is the fact that we really don't get a lot of focus on the match until the last paragraph. Which, in fairness I think for a new character that's really hard to balance. I think new character promos often require a lot of fleshing out, and so focusing more on Nova than the other opponents isn't a bad thing. Your opponents are also new or returning from a long hiatus, so you don't have a lot to go off of anyway. Just keep in mind though that as Nova goes forward making sure her story and wrestling career story are intertwined in a balanced way is important.

 

[Rosie]

Of course, I do sense a bit of irony in what she's saying. The idea that when she was stripped down to her minimalist core she wasn't happy or who she was. But when she put on the fancy dresses, makeup, shoes, etc she suddenly became the princess and is all of a sudden real happy? Which feels backward because truly all the clothes and makeup are all for show.

Trust me. @Nostradamus can confirm. The girl went through the ringer to be who she is today and had a complete change.

Or we can get Gip to have PTSD flashbacks to Garden of Eden?