Fuji Reviews TNA - The PPV's

[Fuji Vice]

In recognition of TNA's upcoming 10 year anniversary I've decided to go back and look at each and every one of their PPV shows from 2004 to the present. Hopefully these reviews will help anyone who's never seen the product before to get a feel for all the good and bad in it. I'll do my best to get one PPV up every day, or at least every other day, so make sure to check back here often.

So, with that out of the way, here we go...

TNA Victory Road 2004

The intro advertises TNA as "the new face of professional wrestling. Ah, they had such high hopes back then didn't they? Apparently they're also on the "precipice of greatness" and the best part? They still are, some 10 years later. The opening video package is pretty pretentious and way too similar to the WWE style, but then again its not like they could have done anything too original with it so I won't fault them. I did find it amusing that they mentioned this was a genesis, which it was, but that they didn't call the PPV "Genesis", a name they didn't think to use until more than a year later.

Mike Tenay and Don West are our announcers and we're READY TO GO!!!!

20-Man X-Division Gauntlet Match for the World X-Cup

The action is fast and furious here so I'll just point out a couple of highlights. I love that La Parka has to be called LA Park for reasons only my brain can fathom. Ah, good old Jerelle Clark, he of the 630. That move does look pretty impressive when he hits it, but even more impressive is Kazarian kicking him right in the face afterwards. That's what you get for showboating Jerelle! Partway through the match Hector Garza comes in and I cringe because I can't stand the guy, so of course he'll probably win this whole thing. Matt Sydal (Evan Bourne for the two or three people here who don't know that) brings some spotty offense but more importantly some stellar selling, particularly where Sonny Siaki is concerned. He eats a Siaki clothesline and does his best Rockers impression by flipping right through it. Oh, Shark Boy's in this too, which automatically makes it awesome because, hey, its Shark Boy!

Meanwhile, outside the ring there's a pointless angle going on where we're not supposed to know whether Alex Shelley has been eliminated or not. I hate these because the end result is always the same. Spanky (Brian Kendrick) comes out to perhaps the most bizarre big band music I've ever heard and its actually so bad it got a laugh out of me. There's one real nice spot towards the end where Chris Sabin tosses Kazarian off the top ropes and Kazarian flies right into Garza. It looks sweet and more importantly, it looks like it hurt Garza! Unfortunately it didn't hurt him enough as he ends up pinning Kazarian at the end and taking home the World X Cup. Kazarian was the real star of this match though, coming in as entrant number one and being the last eliminated. He probably should have gone over, particularly when you consider Garza ended up going nowhere after his legal problems.

The match itself was 26 minutes and believe me, you could tell. I would have preferred either a 10 man or an Ultimate X match to open the show as I feel that would have been more indicative of the X-Division. They were, after all, trying to sell people on it and while the match wasn't horrible, it just wasn't that memorable either. **1/4

Garza cuts a promo and he's happy..he's so happy...and the translator is too. Man do I ever hate Garza. That is all.

A Dusty Rhodes promo pops up as I remember the DOA angle that's about to permeate this PPV. Oh wow, these pseudo-political ads are turrible I say. At least Dusty approves, as he states at the end of the ad. Hearing the statement "Vince Russo has carried New York" makes me laugh for some reason. Not as much as the voting polls breaking down in Stamford, Connecticut though. Who the hell writes this stuff?

8 Man Tag - Kid Kash, Dallas and The Naturals vs The Truth, Erik Watts, Johnny B Badd and Pat Kenney

As Truth makes his way out to the ring I wonder how awesome his crazy heel from a year ago would have done back in 2004? The most impressive guy in this match though? Johnny B Badd, hands down. I've always been a Marc Mero fan, and its nice to see him show little to no lack of rust considering he's missed a good amount of time at this point. Erik Watts actually did have some sort of interesting character going on back at this time as well, but every time I look at him I just see this...

Anyhow, this match is what it is, not offensive because its not long enough to be, but not that memorable either. It moves along nicely until it breaks down, at which time its just a mess. Killings hits a weird, Pedigree-like move for the finish. Meh. **

Shane Douglas just wants to know who's in the limo.

A bizarre sequence showing Abyss going nuts in a sensory deprivation chamber, in preparation for the Monster's Ball match in a bit. This is the type of stuff I live for, and it didn't disappoint. Abyss was pretty awesome back in the day.

Mascarita Sagrada vs Pirata Morgan - Midget Match

My grandfather was a big fan of the midgets, me, not so much. I don't mind the hilarity of watching little people run around mind you, but I'd prefer it not be during a wrestling show. Sagrada's music is the worst rip off of the song Low Rider that I've ever heard and you should totally watch this match simply to hear how bad it is! He does bust out a couple of nifty little moves, but the entire affair was way too choreographed for my liking. *

Dusty Rhodes is still in the lead in the DOA election...in case anyone cares.

3 Live Kru cuts a promo backstage and Konnan hits the following line. "You've started something that you don't just know how to finish, you've started something you don't even know how to start." This man is a goddamn philosopher folks!

Scott Hall comes out and he's walking slow. He says you can't throw a party without inviting him and that he hasn't missed many parties. It shows. He then proceeds to say Big Sexy isn't here tonight, oh and mentions that he invented the ladder...match. Oh and may the best Jeff win, which Tenay notes is pretty non-committal but if you're a wrestling fan you know exactly who he means.

Team Canada (c) vs 3 Live Kru - NWA Tag Team Titles Match

It's awesome to see the Roode and Young when they were a little younger, and its even cooler that they're still with the company today. Anyhow, this match is another that's just there, though there's an amazing Konnan botch where he totally misses a kick to Bobby Roode. I honestly don't care that much about this match because Konnan really sucks, and seriously, this is the best you could do for your first PPV ever? 3LK wins the belts for the happy moment as I cringe at the thought of Konnan holding any sort of title.*3/4.

Raven cuts a crazy promo, even by his standards, which means its must see material.

A pointless Russo ad for this DOA thing, which has now had four segments devoted to it tonight.

Piper's Pit with Jimmy Snuka

See, this bothers me. First of all, the segment is a total trainwreck, which in and of itself is not necessarily a bad thing. If its completely bizarre, its usually worth a laugh, which this is. Unfortunately it seems counter-productive to me to continually reference events that happened in other companies. The focus should be solely on TNA and nothing else. If you're going to hit someone with a coconut, please don't make it take 8 minutes and please make it mean something. Yes, I realize the absurdity of that statement, but believe me, its no more absurd than this entire segment. Kid Kash eventually comes out to diss Snuka before getting choked out for his troubles. Kazarian and Michael Shane come out to do a beatdown and then Sonjay Dutt comes down to take them all out. This eventually leads to Kash hitting Dutt with a coconut and then Stevens and Kazarian tell him that wasn't cool. What the fuck? Didn't they just come in to help him beat down some legends? Wow, this was a total mess and I advise everyone to avoid it at all costs.

Monty Brown cuts a nonsensical promo about no longer having constipation (seriously) among other things. Raven and Abyss are going to feel the POUUUUNNNNNNCCCCCCCCEEEEEEE!!!

Trinity vs. Jaqueline

I'm glad TNA cares about the women's wrestling now, because they sure as hell didn't back then. Trinity wins with a nice moonsault but that doesn't save the match from being total crap. 1/2*

DOA segment number five. If I see one more I might be DOA after hanging myself.

Abyss vs. Raven vs. Monty Brown - Monster's Ball Match

The promo prior to the Monster's Ball Match has the worst music ever. It sounds like something you could do on an 80's Casio keyboard. The concept for this match is pretty cool though. They put the three men in isolation chambers for 24 hours and then let them loose in a hardcore match. They even sell this by shading their eyes when the light hits them, which is a nice touch. It's too bad they didn't sell the isolation effects after, because once this starts its a typical no-dq match. The crowd was really into this one though, which helps it out a lot. At one point they cut to the rafters and show the "spokesperson for Abyss" who is shrouded in a dark cloth. Quick, who is it? Why its James Mitchell of course, and the very idea that they tried to make this mysterious is absurd, considering Mitchell clearly voiced the Abyss promo that aired not five minutes before this!

Abyss brings in some tacks which probably means he's going to be slammed into them somehow. Yep, not one minute after spreading them on the canvas, he's powerbombed into them by Raven. Ouch. Monty wins with a SICK POUNCE on Raven through a table set up in the corner. All in all it was a spectacle. It could have been better if they'd sold the isloation and madness a little more, but hey, I'll take it. Best match thus far. **3/4

Shane Douglas gets into it with Don Harris backstage, as he still can't find out who's in the limo.

Petey Williams vs. AJ Styles - X-Division Championship

Unlike the X-Division Gauntlet at the beginning, this match simply highlights the greatest things about the X-Division and does it well. There's a great spot in the middle where Williams puts AJ in a tree of woe, steps on his balls and sings "O Canada". Now that's a heel! Unfortunately this match also has one of the stupidest endings I've ever seen. The ref is in the middle of counting when D'Amore jumps up on the apron. The ref stops the count to go yell at him even though he wasn't in the ring. I don't think I've ever seen that before and I would prefer never to again. That absolutely killed the crowd and the last two minutes, while allowing us a chance to see the awesome Canadian Destroyer, are completely underwhelming and heatless. The first 8 minutes rocked, the last two sucked. **3/4

AMW vs. XXX - Last Team Standing

So this is a last man standing elimination match. Nice brawl to start as these guys do a good job selling the heat they had at the time. Storm's leg is damaged going in, so Daniels takes the opportunity to club it with a chair, which makes him the first victim as he's unable to answer the ten count. Harris comes in and is pissy because his partner's been eliminated, so he hits a top rope legdrop which eliminates Daniels. That leaves us with Harris and Skipper, who have a mediocre mini-match until Harris hits Skipper with the Catatonic onto a steel chair. Skipper actually kicks out after two but the ref ignores it and then makes the ten count to give AMW the win. If you watch that Catatonic spot closely, it appears Skipper legit smacked his head off the back of the chair and got concussed. Not the best effort from these two teams, as we'll see, though its interesting to see the handcuffs come into play at the end here. A little foreshadowing in your booking is always a good thing. Still, the match wasn't nearly as good as it could have been given the talent involved. **

Dusty Rhodes beats Vince Russo in the safest bet since Fat Man and Little Boy were -1000 to beat Hiroshima and Nagasaki. Dusty comes out to gloat and books AMW vs. XXX in a Six Sides of Steel for Turning Point. He gets the crowd to chant TNA and then says "let them hear it all the way up North" as the WWE references just keep on coming.

Jeff Jarrett vs. Jeff Hardy - Ladder Match

Right off the bat Tenay goes on about the WWE, which is a prevalent theme tonight. I have to say, its really annoying and totally detracts from the product Tenay is SUPPOSED to be shilling for. I get making the odd mention to establish history, but Tenay goes way too far most of the time in his WWE felatio. There's a point in this match where Hardy, the supposed "Charismatic" Enigma, is so uncharismatic that some of the fans start cheering for Jarrett. You know what else this match has? Horribly contrived ladder spots that don't help tell any kind of story at all. I'm not a big fan of ladder matches at the best of times, but man does this one ever suck. However once Scott Hall comes out, the match descends into the greatest kind of insanity known to man. Hardy's already gotten into it with Hall on the floor and Hall's knocked down. Hardy and Jarrett head up a 20 foot ladder and eventually tip it over, where it lands RIGHT ON HALL! It's funny that a guy who wasn't in the actual match took the sickest bump.

Hold the phone, its Kevin Nash and what the hell is he wearing? He looks like Gator from The Other Guys and he's carrying two guitars, one of which he hands to Hall. Oh noez! Don't tell me Nash turned on Hardy? Yep, he did, and Jarett retains the belt in a total clusterfuck. Seriously, this was so overbooked it made my head spin and there was absolutely no momentum at all. *1/2

Nash cuts a promo where he makes some jokes about Hardy having a small penis (original, I know) and then babbles incoherently until he challenges some guys to come out from the back. AJ Styles comes out and takes on all three of them until he eats a boot from Nash. 3 Live Krew is out now and its turned into a total mess in the ring.

Suddenly the feet step out of the limo and then in the Impact Zone we get a horrible cover of "Pomp and Circumstance" before Macho Man Randy Savage comes out to what I'll call a mixed reaction. It's hard to blame the fans though, they just had to sit throught the idiocy of that main event, so I can see why they'd be a little demoralized. Savage tries to get into the ring as Tenay shills Impact on Thursday and we fade to black.

Overall, this was a pretty weak effort for their first PPV. Thankfully they'd pick up speed the following time around, but as the saying goes, you never get a second chance to make a first impression. There's some good here (AJ/Petey until the finish, Monsters Ball) but there's a lot more bad. Overall Rating 4/10.

 

[Postman Dave]

I did something similar I while back, I started from Genesus 2006 & got up until Genesis 2009 ironically before I had to stop. Can't wait to see your opinions once you get to those shows.

I remember hating this show at the time, too much focus on trying to be shocking when in reality it's just a bunch of old guys. The main event "swerve" was just fucking pointless in hyping, a blind man could see Nash was going to screw Hardy and side with Hall.

And I completely forgot how anti-WWE TNA were at the time. Thank god they started to grow out of this, because it was really bush league of them.

Can't wait for tomorrows show, it's a gem in TNA history.

 

[Fuji Vice]

Thanks for the comments LB. Yeah, I didn't like the "shocking" feel considering it wasn't shocking at all. The anti-WWE stuff just got so over the top at times that it really bothered me too.

I'll be watching Turning Point after Raw tonight, so I may not have the review up until Wednesday, but I'll do my best to get it up tomorrow since I know you're looking forward to it.

 

[Fuji Vice]

TNA Turning Point 2004

The opening video package features a bunch of TNA guys talking about how the love TNA and then move on to the Kings of Wrestling. Nope, not Hero and Claudio, but rather Jeff Jarrett, Scott Hall and Kevin Nash. They aren't just the Kings of Wrestling though, they're Elvis impersonators as well, which is your standard level of bizarre. They make a horrible Scott Hall drunk driving joke and then Nash fires off the absolute worst Elvis voice of all time. The rejected footage from 3000 Miles to Graceland finally ends and THIS...IS....TURNING POINT!

Mike Tenay and Don West are our announcers as the relatively cheap pyro goes off. The crowd seems pretty intense, so I hope they hold up for the whole show. Amazingly enough, we've made it 5 minutes in and Tenay hasn't referenced WWE once. It's a MIRACLE!!!

We head to the back where a limo arrives (your standard TNA gimmick) and guess who it is? Vince McMahon and Triple H! Well not really, rather some really poor impersonators. Abyss shows up with some balloons and scares Triple H who asks for his "daddy". Nice to see TNA picking up the bush league shots at WWE again, it wasn't annoying at Victory Road or anything.

3 Live Krew(c) vs. Team Canada - NWA World Tag Team Titles
BG James cuts a promo at the beginning and mentions Konnan won't be there. I immediately gain more of an interest in this match because of that, so we're off to a great start. Ron Killings subs for Konnan and Team Canada is of course Eric F'N Young and Bobby "Boss" Roode. Some highlights include Killings nailing Young with a legdrop to the crotch, Roode taking a moment to tell Killings he sucks (that's what a heel does folks, and Roode was pretty good at it even here) and a sweet axe kick in the corner from Killings to Young. The end comes when Johnny Devine sneaks into the ring while D'Amore has the fef distracted. He drills James with a hockey stick (Canadian heel wrestlers must always use hockey sticks, its too perfect) to give Team Canada the win and the belts back. It was a pretty spirited opener, and the crowd were into it, but it wasn't anything special. **

Dusty is in the back with intrepid interviewer Shane Douglas and he calls the internet a crazy machine, which seems to fit his character perfectly. Apparently he's going to show the folks in the limo from up north some sort of tape. I wish he'd show them a tape of "get the hell out of here with this constant WWE referencing" but I don't think its available in the TNA offices.

Kid Kash, Matt Bentley & Frankie Kazarian (w/Tracy Brooks) vs. Sonny Siaki, Sonjay Dutt & Hector Garza - Six Man Tag Match
Well I like everyone in this match except Garza, so there's definitely some potential here. This match was set up after the Piper's Pit fiasco from Victory Road, but the less we speak of that the better. This match is your typical X-Division showcase and its good but not great. Dutt takes a hell of a beating here, which I guess is supposed to make me get behind his character, yet I never really did. He's not the worst face-in-peril in history, but he sure as hell ain't Ricky Morton. He eventually makes the hot tag to Garza (ugh) who nails Kazarian with a moonsault and then things hit the fan big time. Tracy accidentally nails Kazarian with the Pie in the Sky which allows Garza to hit his corkscrew bomb that looks like it would hurt him more than Kazarian and gets the pin. Not too shabby from these six, but I still hate Garza. **1/2

Macho Man Randy Savage is in the back and he cuts a short promo that I think has something to do with beating down someone. I can't really tell because Savage is mumbling like crazy, but hey, its Savage so its expected...and macho.

Petey Williams is in the back and he tells Chris Sabin he's not a one-move wonder even though they usually used to run video packages of him during Impact doing just one move. Scott D'Amore adds that he's the best, or something similar to that, and they go off.

Abyss vs. Monty Brown - Serengeti Survival Match
They air a video package before the match which shows Abyss costing Monty Brown the NWA World Title. The rules for this match are that you can win by either pinfall, submission or...you guessed it, a slam onto thumbtacks. Given those stipulations and the two guys fighting, I'm pretty sure I know what the method of victory will be, and given Abyss loves to get slammed into tacks, I'm willing to bet Brown gets the win here. Brown comes out prior to the match and cuts a promo calling Abyss "Obese" (ha ha) and also a hungry, hungry hippo as I wonder if anyone will actually get that reference. They start out in the aisle and its just a big brawl until Abyss gets the upper hand by slinging Brown into the ringpost. There's some nasty stuff here for sure, like an Abyss chair splash to Brown's injured ribs and a crazy powerslam on the chair from Brown. Eventually they both get bags of thumbtacks and Brown also takes off Abyss' shirt. I'm not sure what's more frightening but I'm leaning towards the lack of shirt. Brown reverses an Abyss powerbomb attempt into the ALPHA BOMB and he slams Abyss down on the tacks for the win. That was a nice brawl with some decent spots, but it seemed to me that Abyss and Brown were more interested in setting up the next spot rather than telling the story of how much they dislike each other. If that had been played up more, this could have been a lot better. **3/4

Vince is in the back and he tries to fire someone, which of course doesn't work. He also finds a tape and has it smashed, but it was only the tape of "The Best of D-Ray 3000". I can't be the only one who would actually want to see that tape can I?

The NYC vs. Johnny B. Badd & Pat Kenney
NYC is Glen Gilberti and Johnny Swinger while Pat Kenney is Simon Diamond and Johnny B Badd is Marc Mero. Get it? Got it? Good. Jaqueline is the guest referee for this match because she had an issue with NYC at the time. Gee, that seems fair doesn't it? I'm sure she'll call it down the middle. This is a pretty blah affair, with nothing really of note but nothing awful either. The end comes when Gilberti pie faces Jaqueline, who in turn slams him and allows Johnny B Badd to hit the TKO for the win. It was what it was, though I'm not entirely sure what it was supposed to be! **

In the back, the Kings of Wrestling KIDNAP RANDY SAVAGE AND SEND HIM AWAY IN A CAR!!! OH NOEZ~! This means AJ Styles and Jeff Hardy are going to be outnumbered and outsized and basically suck compared to Macho Man. Well according to Don West they do anyway. Yeah, that's a great way to put over the young talent West.

Raven vs. Diamond Dallas Page
There's a video package prior to the match which tries to explain the angle that set this match up but doesn't really do a good job of it. Erik Watts is on commentary, so he won't be doing any dropkicks tonight, and he's putting over Page. Page is on FI-YAH to start and even the ref can't stop him, as DDP boots him right in the kisser. That was actually a pretty nice bump on the ref's part, and one of the best on this show so far, which isn't necessarily a good thing. They brawl around the outside and to the back, so apparently this is Raven's Rules though they didn't actually announce that as a stipulation. It's a typical brawl between these two and there are some good spots and some decent near falls. Then all hell breaks loose as two masked figures come down to ringside which sends Watts out to challenge them. He chokeslams them both and helps up DDP but then chokeslams him in the most obvious move of all time. He tries it again but Page hits a Diamond Cutter (West calls it a Stone Cutter). Raven attacks but he gets a Diamond Cutter as well and Page wins.

Um, what? That was completely inane booking and why the hell was Page winning after taking the beating from both Raven AND Watts? People complain about Cena, but Page was booked to look like even more of a Superman here than Cena will ever be. Just horrible, and while the match was alright, the end kills it for me. *3/4

Vince is in the back with his son in law and Tracy comes in to offer him some cookies. He gets mad and sends her out, asking for Dusty Rhodes instead. I'd probably take the cookies myself.

Petey Williams(c)(w/Scott D'Amore) vs. Chris Sabin - X-Division Title

This one was set up by Sabin proving that there was an effective counter to William's Canadian Destroyer move, which the video package before the match does a good job of explaining. It's a pretty simple concept, but its sometimes refreshing to see two guys fight over the wrestling aspect of the business rather than over a shampoo commercial or the paternal rights to a child. The beginning of the match shows an interesting twist, as Williams manages to counter Sabin's finisher, Cradle Shock, twice. That's amusing considering all the talk leading into this match was Sabin countering Williams move and a nice touch. There's a pretty nasty spot where Sabin powerbombs Williams right into the metal railing and then follows it up with a dive from the crowd OVER the railing and right into him! Crowd is alive for this one, which is good because they've been a little quiet tonight. Williams eventually gets the upper hand and does the Oh Canada crotch stand, which I always enjoy, being both Canadian and one who likes to stand on crotches.

A flurry of moves take care of the middle portion, including a Williams Tornado DDT, a Sabin enziguri and a running Liger Bomb. At this point I'd like to quickly take time to single out the direction on this show as being horrible. They continually cut to shots of D'Amore on the outside, which totally ruins the flow of the match for me. Plus there's at least one time that we actually miss seeing a move because of the change in camera. Anyhow, the ending comes when D'Amore distracts the ref, allowing Petey to put on some brass knucks and knock out Sabin to retain. I enjoyed a lot of this match, though I expected more after the video package. It's X-Division, so there's not a whole lot of story here, and while the moves were pretty sweet, they weren't enough to make this anything more than decent. ***1/4

In the back, "Vince" gets kicked in the shin by a midget. Yep, there's really nothing else to say here.

Next up, a video package of Hall and Nash including Amazing Red doing his best Rey Mysterio impersonation. I'm pretty indifferent to this angle because hey, I've seen it before and it was done better the first time.

Jeff Jarrett, Kevin Nash & Scott Hall vs. Randy Savage, AJ Styles & Jeff Hardy - Six Man Tag

Macho Man is absent to start because he's, you know, kidnapped and all. Or maybe he just flaked out and decided not to come back? Either way, it doesn't matter because his appearance probably wouldn't be enough to save this match. Thankfully I have really low expectations going in, so it could be a pleasant surprise right? This match is pretty slow and methodical, as the Outsiders and Jarrett spend most of the time dominating the smaller guys with power moves. There's a pretty cool moment where AJ calls out Nash, who obliges him by beating him down. Ah, I love watching the old guys put over the young talent. Anyhow, this all leads to Styles eventually making a hot tag to Hardy, who nails Jarrett with the Whisper in the Wind (which looks cool even if it doesn't seem to be too painful of a move to take). This allows AJ to hit Hall with a cross body but Nash has pulled the ref out of the ring. OH NO!!! Overbooking begins in earnest as Hall nails Hardy with a guitar and then SAVAGE MAKES IT TO THE RING AND....waits for a tag. That has to be one of the most lulzy Savage moments ever, right up there with attempting to pin Yokozuna in the Royal Rumble match!

This leads to a Savage hot tag and a bizarre triple sleeper spot which eventually allows Savage to get the winning pin on Jarrett. So basically what we have here is Styles and Hardy doing 99.9% of the work but Savage taking the glory. Yep, this is TNA alright. Match was decent, but again, I don't need to see Hall and Nash in the ring at this point. I'm also not a big fan of how the booking essentially made Hardy and Styles look like total knobs, or the commentary by West, which basically did the same thing. **3/4

We finally get the footage that they've been promising for the entire PPV and its called Cookiegate. This is of course the infamous video footage of Shane Douglas, 3LK, Tracy and Abyss visiting a WWE house show and stealing some food. I guess it was meant to be shocking but its more annoying than anything else. Apparently WWE actually sued TNA over this, which would be hilarious if it wasn't so sad. Either way, this backstage stuff, much like the DOA angle at Victory Road, is a total waste of my time and again makes TNA look totally bush league.

America's Most Wanted vs. XXX - Six Sides of Steel
Alright, we're finally at the meat of this particular sandwich and yeah, its freakin' tasty. A video package gets us up to speed on the well done AMW/XXX feud and what's led us to this moment. The stipulation here is that the losing team disband forever. At the time, due to the impending AMW push and the booking, there was no way they were losing this match, so the only real drama coming would be in how insane the blow off would turn out to be. Well, lets put it this way, it turns out to be quite insane! I think its supposed to be a tag match as well, but the idea of tagging your partner in goes out the window almost from the beginning. Daniels gets tossed into the cage and he's split open. He still manages to help Skipper beat down Harris in their corner and then Skipper sends him into the cage face first. After that, Skipper busts out the handcuffs and slaps them on Harris and a turnbuckle. That's showing continuity from the last show and creating a nice little story in your match and I absolutely love it. XXX beats down Storm while Harris has to watch and Tenay is using his super serious tone, so you know its super serious. Daniels dicks it up by first taunting Harris with the key to the cuffs before using it to gouge Storm's head. Now that's what I call a heel!

After some more beatdown, and a funny bit where Harris continually screams "give me the key" as if Daniels would actually do that, Storm spears Skipper, which knocks the key loose. Storm tosses it to Harris and he is not a happy man. In fact, he's a mad man and he goes MAD, MAD, MAD, pounding the ever loving crap out of both Daniels and Skipper. Storm joins in and the two of them absolutely kill XXX including Harris giving Skipper multiple suplexes into the cage. Ouch! There's blood all over the ring, most of which belongs to Harris and Daniels. This is just an insane brawl from both teams and its only getting better by the second. XXX eventually steal AMW's Death Sentence finisher but they only get two as a fan that sounds just like Scary Sherri shrieks in the audience. Skipper heads to the top again but Harris breaks loose from Daniels and hits him with a powerbomb from the TOP OF THE CAGE!!! Daniels nails the Angel's Wings but its not enough, so he heads up but Storm is quick to follow. The two of them fight at the top of the cage while Elix Skipper heads up as well. What follows is one of the defining moments of TNA and still an incredible sight to behold some eight years later....

I wish I also had Don West's reaction to play as an audio clip because I swear he has four heart attacks during it but still lives! That was just sick, and Daniels follows with an elbow from the top but really, there's just no following that. Daniels heads back up but he ends up at the top of a stacked superplex that kills him on the way down. The crowd busts out the "THIS IS AWESOME" chant and I feel like doing it along with them, this match is THAT good! Some more trading of moves and Daniels eventually gets handcuffed, which allows AMW to hit a power bomb/neck breaker move for the pin. That match was worth the price of admission...twice. Seriously one of the great TNA matches and easily the best thing they've done on PPV up to this point. There were crazy spots, the absolutely insane Skipper cage walk and hey, they managed to tell a story too. ****1/2

This show was a big step up from Victory Road and while there were still some issues none of them were strong enough to ruin it. I'd have preferred way less of the fake Vince stuff or none of it at all, but meh, I can't say I didn't chuckle a couple of times during it. The wrestling was about what you'd expect from each individual worker and outside of the stupid end to Raven/DDP, nothing flat out sucked. Oh and yeah, the main event ruled, so this is one to check out for sure. 6.5/10

 

[Postman Dave]

Ahhhh Cookiegate, I remember that nonsense. WWE filmed those awesome Royal Rumble 2005 ads (there's gonna be some trouble tonight!) in the same vicinity as a TNA taping so obviously TNA had to create a ruckus! I believe one of the blurred out WWE guys was a maskless Rey Mysterio, so at least they didn't show his face and sink THAT low.

I have the second half of this show on VHS somewhere, everything from DDP/Raven onwards. Petey/Sabin was a great match at the time, and establised a run of good X-title matches on PPV. Shows like this remind me of just how great Team Canada was.

The six man tag was.....yeah. The Kings wandering around in Elvis costumes just smacked of power abuse. AJ did his best but even he couldn't drag Nash & Hall into good match territory. The Savage deal is hilarious in hindsight. He couldn't work a six man tag, but they were willing to book him into a one on one title match at the next show?

Of course, the main event is exceptional and one of the best matches in TNA's ten year history. I loved the finish too, as it reflected on the match perfectly. Daniels was handcuffed now, and AMW used the powerplex as payback for XXX using the Death Sentence earlier. Payback's a bitch boys.

The Elix spot is still unfathomable, and it's astonishing to think that's pretty much the high point of Skipper's TNA career as he never took off as a singles guy.

Great job again Fuji, keep 'em coming. I'm enjoying remembering these shows.

 

[Fuji Vice]

Of course, the main event is exceptional and one of the best matches in TNA's ten year history. I loved the finish too, as it reflected on the match perfectly. Daniels was handcuffed now, and AMW used the powerplex as payback for XXX using the Death Sentence earlier. Payback's a bitch boys.

The Elix spot is still unfathomable, and it's astonishing to think that's pretty much the high point of Skipper's TNA career as he never took off as a singles guy.

Great job again Fuji, keep 'em coming. I'm enjoying remembering these shows.

The whole ending was great and really brought the story full circle. Skipper's rana is unbelievably impressive but yeah, his singles push pretty much fizzled out right away. I liked the guy, but like Shelton Benjamin, he's made to be a tag team wrestler, not a singles star.

Thanks for the comments though, hopefully I'll have Final Resolution 2005 up tomorrow, there's some good stuff on that card for sure.

 

[Fuji Vice]

TNA Final Resolution 2005

Yet another incredibly pretentious opening video package which highlights things like Monty Brown's quest to win the NWA Heavyweight Title from Jeff Jarrett and AMW's attempt to win the Tag belts from Team Canada. Actually, as pretentious as the voice over announcer is, the video package isn't too shabby at all and does a good job quickly hyping up the main matches on the card.

Jeff Jarrett is with The Franchise of Interviewers, Shane Douglas, and he's talking shit about his potential opponents. Apparently Jarrett earned the right to be called the King of the Mountain. In fact he earned it three times since that's how many times he says it. Jarrett's promo skills leave a little to be desired, but he got the basic point across, so I guess it was effective.

Christopher Daniels, Matt Bentley & Frankie Kazarian vs. 3LK

First off, you've got to love Tenay and West trying to sell Konnan as being great even though we all know its not true. Actually, to Konnan's credit, he does do pretty well at the beginning of this match and. for a brief moment, makes me forget how much I hate him. Things slow down significantly in the middle portion, for which I entirely blame BG James. The end comes in a clusterfuck where everyone hits their finishers and then 3LK does a triple kick spot for the pin. You know what, this was a decent enough opener, but why was Daniels in this? He'd just come off Turning Point looking like a beast and he's inserted into this mess, which if I remember correctly had something to do with NASCAR. Ugh, that's a horrible misuse of talent, and don't even get me started on Kazarian and Bentley here. *3/4

We get an annoying backstage segment (go figure) with Trinity, Tracy and Johnny Fairplay. Apparently whoever finds the hidden clue backstage gets to be Dusty's secretary. Or something like that. I don't really know because I zoned out for this entire thing. These backstage segments are not funny and I expect this one will result in something idiotic by the end of the night.

Elix Skipper vs. Sonjay Dutt

This would be the beginning of Skipper's failed singles push. It's not entirely his fault, but much like Shelton Benjamin, he's just a lot better as a tag wrestler. Anyhow, this match is better than I thought it would be, though its not a surprise considering both guys have their work boots on tonight. Dutt hits some nifty moves like a three turn headscissors and a big somersault dive. There's actually some psychology here as well, as Dutt takes control of Skipper's injured arm and, GASP, Skipper SELLS!! Since this is the X-Division and all, that's a rare feat, but one I'm glad to see no less. The end comes when Sonjay misses the Hindu Press and Skipper nails a Catatonic. Dutt did a good job but a lot of the credit has to go to Skipper for his excellent selling, something that really made this match stand out. ***1/4

We're in the back with Kevin Nash and DDP. Nash suggest the two of them form an alliance to take out Brown while DDP looks suspicious. Gee, I wonder why he'd be suspicious of Nash?

Kid Kash vs. Dustin Rhodes

Kid Kash was a disrespectful little bitch to Dustin. Obviously this pissed him off and so this match was made. Pretty simple, and sometimes that's the best way to do it. Dustin does a good job selling a leg injury and Kash does an even better job exploiting it, going as far as to frog splash the leg. Now that's just cold, but thankfully Kash rules so its cool. He also puts Rhodes into a figure-four, but Dustin elbows out and hits an atomic drop, only to re-injure his knee. Kash gets a little more offense in and the end comes when Kash argues a supposed pin to the referee and Dustin hits him with the bulldog. Damn, Kash should have gone over there, just to give him some momentum, but a good match nonetheless. Definitely one I wasn't expecting but well worth seeking out, Kash is a great heel and Dustin looked really motivated here. ***1/2

More of Johnny Fairplay in the back and wow, he's stoned and annoying. Not a good combination but in case you're interested, he found the clue. I just wish he could find some talent instead.

Erik Watts vs. Raven

There's a video package before the match which really does a great job recapping the entire angle. In fact, it does such a good job it actually makes me want to see this match, which is a shock because Watts is in it. Basically Raven tried to make Watts and DDP turn on each other but Watts realized he was lying and now wants to kick his ass. Unfortunately for Watts, he's quickly on the receiving end of an ass kicking courtesy of Raven, who hits a Russian Leg Sweep into the guard rail. That seriously looked like it might have messed Watts up, well more than he already was before the match anyway. Anyhow, Raven beats Watts, Watts beats Raven and it goes on for what seems like way too long. Towards the end there's a hilariously bad sequence where they trade submission moves which simply has to be seen to be believed. The end comes courtesy of a Watts chokeslam. Well, it was something, but it wasn't anything I'd say I was particularly into. *1/2

Post-match, Raven gets on the mic and says he's sorry to Watts and that he's his only friend. He says he respects him but still disrespects DDP, which gave me a legit laugh. This leads to Raven taking out Watts with a garbage can which knocks him off the platform. I enjoyed this post-match stuff way more than the actual match, which I don't think is how its supposed to be.

Scott Hall vs. Jeff Hardy

Whew, I was worried this match wasn't going to be crazy enough with just Hall and Hardy, so to my delight TNA decided to add Roddy Piper as the special guest referee. Now what we've got here is a potential GOAT where the T stands for Trainwrecks. Before the match even begins, Piper frisks Hall and finds a bunch of hidden objects on him while West wonders whether Hall has ever been in that position before. Ok, I admit it, I laughed a little bit, but I laughed even more when Hall turns around, frisks Piper (why is he allowed to put his hands on the ref?) and finds handcuffs. Just bizarre, as is the rest of this match, which is totally played up for comedy. The end comes after Piper pokes Hall in the eyes, which allows Hardy to hit the Twist of Fate and a Swanton Bomb. After the match is over, Abyss returns from his "serious contract negotiations" with WWE and layes out Hardy with the Black Hole Slam. This match was short enough to not be offensive, but it wasn't anything that I couldn't have lived without. *1/2

We're backstage and Tracy tries to hit on some technician, asking him if he knows where the clues are. Trinity then comes out, sends Tracy away, and tries the same thing. This is going nowhere fast, and I'm sure we're getting at least two more of these too. Yikes!

Monty Brown vs. Kevin Nash vs. Diamond Dallas Page - #1 Contenders 3-Way

I'd like to make special mention of Brown's SWANK leopard print coat that he wears to the ring. I'd buy one, but there's no way I could pull off the look as well as Brown does! This is one of those cute little matches where you can be eliminated by pin, submission or by an over-the-top toss, which I can imagine is how Nash is going to be eliminated, since there's no way he'd let one of these guys pin him. Yep, about five minutes in, he charges Page, who eliminates him. Thankfully that's a good thing because the match picks up pace with Big Lazy out of it. Monty and Page have a decent little match until Brown hits the POOOUUUNCEEEE...period, for the pin. Well, to be perfectly honest, this match both sucked and did not accomplish its goal in making Brown look good. He didn't have anything to do with the Nash elimination and he handled DDP with ease, so I really question the point. Oh, its so Nash and DDP could get some PPV time? I see, well it all makes sense now. *

Team Canada (w/Scott D'Amore) vs. America's Most Wanted - NWA World Tag Titles

Harris and Storm earned this after winning a non-title match against Team Canada. Dusty done booked this title match for the PPV and thank the LAWD above he did because its awesome. Right from the get go we have action as AMW goes after Team Canada during their little pep talk. They brawl on the ramp and Storm gives Young a tilt-o-whirl headscissors which Young sells like he's been shot. : They end up in the ring after a few minutes and wow, Young is sporting one hell of a welt on his forehead from that earlier move. Jesus, the thing totally looks like its in 3D! There's a great spot early where Roode heads to the outside so AMW throws Young out of the ring and onto him. The crowd was rabid for that and hey, it was pretty cool looking, so they should be. Once things settle down again Storm gets to play FIP while Team Canada work him over. We get the usual heel beat down for a few moments before Storm makes a comeback and gets the hot tag to Harris, who comes in on FIY-AH!! He takes out Young with Roode's body and then drills Roode with a monstrous Full Nelson Slam. We get to everyone in the ring and D'Amore pulling the ref out. This pisses off AMW, who bring out the handcuffs and cuff D'Amore to the post while he goes absolutely nuts. Man, TNA really likes handcuffs don't they?

Back in the ring, AMW hit a Hart Attack (wow) but it only gets two. Johnny Devine eventually makes himself known and takes out Roode with a hockey stick but Young only gets a two as the crowd goes nuts. We move into a series of crazy near falls including AMW hitting that seam neckbreaker/powerbomb from Turning Point but it only gets two and the crowd is PISSED!! Eventually Young gets the upper hand on Harris and tries to get Devine's attention from behind but Devine thinks he's a member of AMW and blindly hits him right in the head with a chair. Harris goes for the schoolboy pin and gets it as the crowd goes nuts and so do I. That was one hell of a match that worked really well, had a good deal of heat, a solid crowd and a fantastic finish. Just top notch stuff from everyone involved here and another great TNA tag team match. ****

Tracy and Trinity meet up with Johnny Fairplay, who taunts them with the clue until they beat him up and take it. Fairplay's horrible acting almost saves the segment, but not quite. Dusty tells the two girls that they need to find him a team and sends them running off while Fairplay looks on, dejected.

Petey Williams vs. Chris Sabin vs. AJ Styles - Ultimate X Match

This is awesome because with the three guys involved and the match stipulation itself there's just no possible way it could be bad. I normally hate gimmick matches of any kind, but I have to say that Ultimate X is one of the rare ones that I never seem to tire of watching. AJ gets the last entrance even though Petey's the champ. If I've never mentioned how much I hate that, here's where I do, because I'm old school and the champ should ALWAYS come out last. Clothesline battle to start, which Sabin wins, and then he and AJ both beat the crap out of poor Petey. It's pretty fast to call, so I'm just going to go through the highlights, but believe me, there's a few. Petey and Sabin end up on the outside so Styles hits them both with a somersault plancha that gets him some serious air miles. D'Amore comes into the ring to prevent Sabin from scaling the ropes by grabbing his feet, so the ref sends him to the back. Good, let them wrestle, I didn't want to see some kind of screwy finish anyway. Petey busts out the Oh Canada again, which as I've said already, I totally love. Petey hits a crazy rana off the cables onto Sabin. He then scissors his legs around the belt so that he won't fall but it also leaves him stuck in the wires. AJ springboards and elbows Petey in the face, causing him to fall as the crowd busts out the "THIS IS AWESOME" and I agree wholeheartedly.

Some nifty counters from Williams and Sabin lead into a spot where Williams tries an inverted DDT but AJ comes in and hits a crazy double reverse DDT which is just a sick spot. AJ climbs across the cables but Sabin jumps up and hits a missile dropkick which literally send Styles flipping down to the canvas and also provides TNA with a moment they'd show on video packages for years. Petey ends up putting AJ's arm into the supports on the side, which becomes important a little later as AJ cannot hang on to the cables after he's forced to go it with only one arm. It doesn't stop him from hitting a freakin' one armed Styles Clash in a little bit though! Holy crap, AJ is stealing the show here, but then I shouldn't be surprised right? After that nasty move he tries to get across the cables again but he falls, so Petey takes the opportunity to CRUSH him with a serious Canadian Destroyer. The end comes with Sabin and Williams both fighting for the title and AJ springboarding off the top rope to knock it out of their grasp. He then simply picks it up, giving him his fourth X-Division Championship. That was 20 minutes of pure awesome and a perfect example of an accessible X-Division match. Styles made it, but Sabin and Williams were right there with him to help propel this one into the stratosphere. ****1/4

Jeff Jarrett vs. Monty Brown - NWA Heavyweight Title

You know what's not good? The fact someone in TNA thought that this match was going to be able to follow the previous two. To the crowds credit, they're pretty into it, so props to them. This is a pretty big brawl from the beginning, with Jarrett and Brown heading towards the back and just pummelling each other with a chair. They eventually get into the ring where Jarrett does some slow offense and I start to tire. Monty eventually hits an Alpha Bomb, which wakes me back up, but he only gets two. Quick note. Even back when I watched this event for the first time, I had a sneaking suspicion that TNA wouldn't put the belt on Brown. Ref bump leads to Jarrett bringing in the guitar but even that only gets him two. The rest of the match involves Jarrett hitting Brown with a chair and the belt and he still can't get the pin. Eventually Brown hits Jarrett with the guitar, but the ref doesn't get in fast enough and he only gets two. Guess what happens next? If you said "one of the stupidest booking decisions in TNA history" you win the booby prize!

Jarett hits Brown with the leftover bits of the guitar and then hits THREE Strokes and gets the pin to retain the title. Yes, that was the finish to the match and wow did the crowd ever die for it. Seriously, this was one of the most asinine things I've ever seen and there was literally NO reason not to put the belt on Brown. I get that the money's in the chase, but this was his time, and TNA effectively killed his momentum for good by not letting him go over here. Great move TNA. The match wasn't horrible, and there were some good moments, but man that finish just deflates the entire thing. **1/2

Overall this was a great show. Outside of a weak middle portion and a horrid finish to the main event, everything else was solid. The Dutt/Skipper and Rhodes/Kash matches exceeded my expectations, AMW/Team Canada was a fantastic old-school tag match and Ultimate X was insane. Hell, I didn't even mind the Piper comedy stuff in the Hall/Hardy match. Yeah the ending sucked, and yeah the backstage skits were excruciating, but the rest is well worth a watch. 7.5/10

 

[Postman Dave]

Gonna have to disagree on killing Brown's momentum here. As asinine as this booking was, the real damage is done two shows later (boy am I ready to rant on that!). To their credit here, he got a world title shot by beating two very recognizable names and was beaten by three strokes so they were at least trying to keep him strong in defeat.

Bad booking aside, the three last matches were a good combo for TNA and showed real progression show wise from them. The Ultimate X match is a contender for best match of its type, and the tag title match is excellent.

I was so utterly confused by what was going on in the Watts/Raven feud I can't have the same optimism for it you do :

Can you imagine how different this show would have been with the originally planned main event of Savage/Jarrett?

 

[Fuji Vice]

I just feel Brown should have gone over, much like I feel Storm should have gone over at Lockdown this year. Meh, its TNA, I shouldn't be surprised or upset by any boneheaded moves they've made over the years.

As for Raven/Watts, watch the video package. It's pretty cool and does get you wanting to see the match, even if it turns out to be a total shitstorm. :

 

[Fuji Vice]

TNA Against All Odds 2005

Mr. Pretentious Voice Announcer is back, and he's telling us about the power of NOW while doing his best impression of Darth Vader. Unfortunately he's no James Earl Jones, but once again if you look past his voice the video package itself does a really good job of hyping up the matches on the card. Hell, the line about metal being stronger than flesh but not stronger than spirit really made me want to see the Hardy/Abyss Full Metal Mayhem match, so its definitely working.

Mike Tenay and Don West welcome us to the show as the dollar store fireworks go off in the background. West says you couldn't fit one more person in the building. Why? Because its full to capacity at 800 people! Oh, ha ha, I kill me sometimes. Anyhow, we begin with the Franchise of Interviewers Shane Douglas, who is in the back and he gets a word with Larry Zbyszko, who talks about Jeff Jarrett's legal issues. I'll get into this angle a bit later, so there's no need to talk about it now. Apparently Kevin Nash is hyper-focused on becoming the Heavyweight Champ. I wish he'd just be hyper-focused on putting on a good match, something he hasn't done since he's been in TNA.

Petey Williams (w/Scott D'Amore) vs. Elix Skipper

Winner of this match gets a shot at the X-Division title at the next PPV, aptly titled Destination X. It's also a chance for Elix Skipper to continue on his singles push while Williams is looking for another shot at the belt after dropping it last month. They do the mat wrestling thing for a little bit to start, but this is the X-Division so quickly Skipper nails Williams with a pretty sweet dropkick, which sends Williams out to the floor. Eventually Williams gets the upper hand and tosses Skipper out, where D'Amore is only too happy to take a cheap shot. He even grabs his hand in pain afterwards, which was good for a laugh. Williams slingshots into a hurracanrana, which looked pretty awesome. He then sends Skipper back into the ring and does the OH CANADA!! Best...move....ever. Ok, not really, but it still rocks. Anyhow, the match moves along nicely until the end, when they mess up a pinning reversal out of the Canadian Destroyer and then Skipper hits his Sudden Death finisher to pick up the win. It wasn't long enough to get real good, and the ending really hurt it, but it was a decent opener nonetheless. **1/4

BG James & Jeff Hammond vs. Matt Bentley & Frankie Kazarian

Oh man, the NASCAR feud. I remember how incredibly stupid this was back in 2005 and you know, it hasn't gotten better with age. There's a video package beforehand that shows the "high" points of this feud but I was too busy downloading porn to notice. BG James says Jeff Hammond is a winner as I try my hardest not to laugh.

This match was bad. I mean really, I don't even want to recap it because I'll have to think about what happened in it again. To make a long story short, the crowd shits all over Hammond (can't blame them for recognizing his lack of talent or personality) until he gets the win with his crappy running elbow. Seriously, what was the point of this entire feud? I guess it was to make Bentley and Kazarian look bad, which it most certainly did. In fact, the story goes that it was this entire feud and match that led to Kazarian leaving TNA. I'm not surprised, as this was a slap in the face to wrestling fans everywhere and just flat out sucked. NO RATING DUE TO SUCKAGE

We head backstage to Dusty Rhodes office, which is the back of a pickup truck. Jeff Jarrett's lawyer shows up to try and void the stipulation that if Jarrett uses the guitar in his match with Nash he loses the belt. Yep, that's an actual stipulation in the match folks! Anyhow, Rhodes tells the lawyer to fuck off (in a nice way) and he does. Wow, this may have been the worst backstage segment in any PPV yet, and we've already seen the Johnny Fairplay stuff from last show. Yowsa!



Raven vs. Dustin Rhodes

We get the obligatory promo package including Rhodes saying SHUCKY DUCKY QUACK QUACK!!! This all stemmed from Raven getting pissed off after the loss to Watts and subsequently breaking Cassidy Reilly's fingers. Dustin Rhodes didn't like this and decided to take matters into his own hands and so this is where we're at. Rhodes had his work boots on last month but this time around it appears he forgot them at home. The best part of this match? Raven spitting in Rhodes face at the beginning. Well almost, there's also some good psychology where Raven tries to further damage Rhodes knee (that was injured at last month's PPV, continutiy FTW) in order to set up his ankle lock finisher. Ending comes when Raven pins Rhodes cheaply and then puts him in a straitjacket to continue beating him. Eventually Cassidy comes out to try and stop him but he eats the Raven Effect. Ha ha, what a loser. The match was brutal...in a bad way, and its a shame to see Rhodes just going through the motions here after his superb effort at Final Resolution. *

TRYTAN.....sux. Whoever thought this guy was going to be the next big thing was smoking some of Jeff Hardy's crack, because seriously, he SUX!! Apparently he's coming to Impact THIS WEEK!! I can hardly wait.

America's Most Wanted vs. Kid Kash & Lance Hoyt - NWA Tag Team Titles

When did Dallas change his name to Lance Hoyt? Doesn't really matter, because Kash rules and I liked what I saw of Dallas Hoyt previously. Adding AMW to the mix should prove to be a winning combination and it sure as hell does. Ok, I admit that Kash and Hoyt aren't as good as Team Canada, but hey, I'll take what I can get. Hoyt is pretty impressive here, busting out a nice sidewalk slam from the top rope and later a moonsault. For a big guy, he's pretty damn graceful out there, and the fans respond by chanting his name. Continuing with a theme from previous matches, AMW busts out handcuffs and this time use them on Kash. This allows them to hit the Death Sentence on Hoyt for the win. This was a solid match that showed just how good AMW were at this point. It's almost as if they could do no wrong, but Kash and Hoyt matched up with them well and both teams really delivered at a time when the show needed it most. ***1/2

The Franchise of Interviewers is in the back and he's trying to find out who's in the limo. Yep, they're already recycling bits from their first PPV. Wonderful.

Abyss vs. Jeff Hardy - Full Metal Mayhem #1 Contenders Match

Ok, here's the skinny. Full Metal Mayhem is a ladder match where two envelopes hang above the ring. One has a contract, the other is empty. Yes, I realize that's completely inane, but it fits along with the rest of this match. I'd really like to recap it but seriously, as with the NASCAR match above, I really don't want to remember it if I don't have to. Suffice to say there's a few Hardy botches which only serve to make me hate him even more. At one point during the match, Don West provides me with the funniest moment of the show so far when he says Hardy jumped 30 feet and then, moments later, says he jumped 10 feet. MAKE UP YOUR MIND WEST!!! Anyhow, this was a total clusterfuck on every level imaginable and while I usually dislike ladder matches, I especially hate this one. It also went on WAY too long, clocking in at just over 16 minutes. That's basically 15 minutes of stupidity and 1 minute of Hardy botching. Guess what that adds up to? *

Team Canada (w/Scott D'Amore) vs. Monty Brown & Diamond Dallas Page

Right off the bat, poor Eric Young gets the crap kicked out of him by Monty Brown. Roode and DDP then have a go and work decently together until Page gets caught in the corner and becomes the requisite FIP for the match. It's weird, because even though he's supposed to be the one in trouble, DDP manages a bunch of offense, in fact even more than Team Canada, the guys who are supposed to be beating him! Wow, I don't get that, but I'm sure it had something to do with catering to Page's ego. Anyhow, Brown gets the hot tag from the not-so-in-peril Page but Roode drills him with the hockey stick. Things turn into a total clusterfuck where Roode eventuall gets hit with the POOOUUUNCEEE....period, while DDP executes Young with a Diamond Cutter. You know, outside of Page getting in too much while supposedly being "in peril", this was pretty fun. Team Canada are great and its nice to see Monty still working hard despite being shit on at last month's show. **3/4

We're in the back with Tracy and Trinity and that's all I have to say about that. Trinity tries to moon the lawyer but Tracy covers her up. BOOOOOO!!!!!

AJ Styles vs. Christopher Daniels - 30 Minute Iron Man Match

I didn't watch the Impact's leading up to the PPV, so I'm not sure how Daniels goes from curtain jerking last month to a title match this month, but hey, I'm not complaining. First fall is full of some nice chain wrestling and is highlighted by two things. One would be Daniels being super smart and working on AJ's arm (that he injured in the Ultimate X Match at last month's show). That's some solid heel psychology and Daniels makes it work well. The second thing would also lead to the first fall, with AJ attempting a 450 splash only to be met with Daniels knees and then an Angels Wings. They'd been hyping up the battle between the Styles Clash and the Wings, so its cool to see Daniels get the first fall with his move. So Daniels is up 1-0 and then hits the Blue Thunder Driver but he only gets two and then gets drilled with an awesome Pele from Styles. Styles also manages to hit the Angels Wings on Daniels during this fall, but he only gets two. This leads to Daniels trying a suplex but AJ turning it into a rollup (this is TNA after all) and getting the pin to even things at 1-1. There's only six minutes left now and both guys are going for broke. Daniels tosses AJ into the ring post, causing him to bleed, and since Daniels is insane, he takes the time to wipe some of the blood onto his forehead! Anyhow, eventually Daniels slaps in the Koji Clutch but AJ is so out of it he pretty much passes out as the bell rings, leaving us in a tie. Daniels jumps up on the mic and tells Dusty that it can't end this way so Dusty books SUDDEN DEATH! SWEET!!!

Well it would have been great if it had lasted more than 2 minutes, but hey, it was still a nice attempt. The end comes when Daniels sunset flips out of a hurracanrana attempt but AJ rolls out and hits the Styles Clash for the win. That played into the idea of the finishers being the most important thing for both men and really helped close the match out in a big way. This was a solid effort from both men that really proved they were more than just spot monkey's, as some had claimed them to be previously. Is it as good as some people make it out to be? Not really, as there have certainly been better 30 minute Iron Man matches (Steamboat/Rude instantly springs to mind) but it was nice to see these two get this much time on a big stage. ***3/4

Jeff Jarrett vs. Kevin Nash - NWA Heavyweight Title

And now we come to...this. First of all, remember that if Jarrett uses the guitar in the match he loses the title. Prior to the match we get the obligatory video package which shows us the entire KoW angle and you know, I still didn't like it as much as the original one when it was called NwO. From the get go, Tenay is going on about Nash's knee surgeries so I guess that means...yep, Jarrett starts kicking away at the knee, almost as if he was on cue. They then brawl to the back where Nash sends Jarrett through the a conveniently placed catering table sending food everywhere. Jarrett's busted open and they head back to ringside. This is where things get really good. Jarrett gets out of a Jackknife by hitting Nash with a low blow. He then reaches under the ring and pulls out...a cello. Yes, you heard that right folks, a GODDAMN CELLO!!! That seriously got a laugh out of me but an even bigger one comes moments later when he tries to wield it like a guitar only to have the neck fall off. : He's forced to throw the base of the cello into Nash's leg instead as I continue to laugh my ass off.

Back in the ring, Jarrett uses the cello case on Nash's leg and then locks in the figure four. Nash eventually gets to the ropes and kicks Jarrett with his good leg, He then gets up and nails a couple of Snake Eyes but Jarrett gets out of the third one and takes out Nash's leg once more. Jarrett heads out and tries to bring the cello back in but Nash low blow's him He wants to use the cello but the ref stops him, though I'm not sure why because he never really tried to stop Jarrett. Anyhow, this leads to Nash picking up Jarrett in the Jackknife but "accidentally" hitting the ref as well, before slamming Jarrett into the cello. In case you were wondering why the inevitable overbooking hadn't started yet, it does right here, as Kip James (Billy Gunn) runs down to the ring and hits Nash with a chair. The crowd doesn't give a crap. This only gets two and then Sean "Syxx-Pac" Waltman comes down and hits the X-Factor on Jarrett. What the hell is going on here? Nash only gets two and then James is back and he's got the belt but BG James runs down and takes it away from him. Oh my God, this is completely insane! Nash takes out James but then gets hit right in the face with the belt by Jarrett. This only gets two so Jarrett hits the Stroke but that only gets two as well. Jarrett is beside himself and Nash is up. He goes for a chokeslam but Jarrett goes for the low blow again and hits another Stroke for the pin...finally.

Wow. All I can say is wow. That was some incredibly stupid booking and in the end nobody came out of it looking good. I get that you want to be shocking, but try and have a point to it. Instead we got a pseudo-DX reunion in a match that saw the end of the NwO inspired KoW. Instead of focusing on their own stuff, TNA was once again content to remind us of the other companies out there, and that's never a good thing. Oh and yeah, this match blew. *3/4

Well, they can't all be winners now can they? This was an awful PPV that couldn't have been saved by a five star classic. Well actually, it might have been, but there wasn't one of those on this show either. I'd recommend giving the Daniels/Styles match a watch, as its not bad, and the AMW vs. Kash/Hoyt match was decent as well. Everything else is pretty avoidable and for the love of all that is holy, please avoid the Full Metal Mayhem match like the plague. 3/10

 

[Postman Dave]

I still maintain the cello tactic was genius, even if the result was botchariffic :

Totally forgettable PPV besides Daniels/AJ.

Funny fact: Trytan actually got signed by WWE too, but never made it to TV.

 

[Fuji Vice]

I still maintain the cello tactic was genius, even if the result was botchariffic :

The overbooking was on FIY-AH for sure. Speaking of that....

TNA Destination X 2005

The opening video package is actually a little less pretentious this time around, so right off the bat I'm a happy camper. Mr. Voice Over goes on about how its not the critic that counts...unless of course you're reviewing TNA's PPV's right? He continues to ramble about stuff like failing greatly and not knowing defeat and blah, blah, blah.

Cheesy fireworks and we're off with Mike Tenay and Don West. I'd just like to quickly point out the idiot in the crowd with the sign that says she'd leave her husband for Jeff Hardy. Hey lady, why not try picking a sober guy instead? I'm sure the sex would be better and you won't have to use all the money you earn at the waffle house posting bail for him every two weeks. I'd also like to make mention of West's insatiable desire for blood, as he seems to be foaming at the mouth when talking about the upcoming First Blood match between The Outlaw (Kip James, Billy Gun) and Kevin Nash. One thing's for sure, I hope there's blood too, lots of it, from both guys, as they kill each other for real and I never have to see them again. Hey, I can dream can't I?

America's Most Wanted and 3LK vs. Team Canada (w/Scott D'Amore)

Oh isn't this cute? They needed to get everyone on the card so they shoehorned this match together. While I'm glad to see everyone get a pay day, I fail to see why we couldn't just get another stellar AMW/Team Canada match instead. The match is a pretty spirited affair though, and while I normally don't like Konnan I'll certainly give him credit for trying here. Plus he throws his shoe at Team Canada in what I believe may be the debut of that very move. Things move along nicely with the heels working over Harris for a bit before he gets a lukewarm tag to Konnan. It turns into a slobberknocker and Konnan slams D'Amore which allows Roode to hit the Northern Lariat for the win. That was good for the time given and a nice way to kick things off. **3/4

We're at Dusty's office and guess who's back? Yep, good old Johnny Fairplay, and he wants another shot at becoming Dusty's secretary even though the position is already filled by two nice pairs of tits. I hated this crap the first time around, I'm not going to like it any better this time.

Chris Sabin vs. Chase Stevens

Wow, this match is the very definition of the word "random" as I honestly can't remember anything that led to it. Still, I like both guys so I assume it'll be pretty good. Stevens comes to the ring with Chris Candido and Andy Douglas so this is essentially a handicap match for Sabin. Considering the talent of both guys involved, this one actually doesn't measure up. There's some back and forth and plenty of Candido-ference before the end comes with a Sabin rollup. Seriously folks, that's about as much action as there was here. I think the match was more designed to set up the post-match angle where Shocker makes his debut. Shocking, positively shocking, but not as cool as James Bond baby! **

Dustin Rhodes vs. Raven - Bullrope Match

Oh joy of joy's, their instant classic at last month's show wasn't enough so we get these two again! You know, watching two Raven/Rhodes matches in two days is pretty hazardous to your health. It's pretty bad when you see the two guys come out and just pray that it ends quickly. : Anyhow, Raven does the heelish thing and refuses to have the rope put on his wrist. It's funny that he's supposed to be the heel because the crowd seems to like him a lot more than Rhodes. Perhaps they've realized that without Daddy Bookerman in the back, Dustin wouldn't be anywhere near this show right now? There's actually a lot of use of the rope in this match, which saves it from being a total disappointment, but at just over 6 minutes its hard to really build any momentum. The end comes with a sort of bulldog onto a chair which gives Dustin the win. What? Why the hell did Rhodes win this match? Best part of the whole thing is Team Canada coming out to kick the crap out of Rhodes after its over. I guess they didn't like the booking either, but really, who can blame them? I'll give these two credit for the constant rope use, but this was nothing to write home about otherwise. *3/4

The Disciples of Destruction (w/ Traci) vs. Phi Delta Slam (w/ Trinity)

1. This match is designed to further the "feud" between Traci and Trinity and their attempt to be Dusty's "girl".

2. Both teams absolutely suck and therefore are incapable of having good chemistry.

3. If this goes any longer than 2 minutes it'll be an easy candidate for worst TNA PPV match ever.

4. It goes 10 minutes. NO RATING DUE TO SUCKAGE

We're backstage again and Dustin and AMW and good old Johnny Fairplay comes in. I'd stop the recap now but I have to mention that AMW decides to give him "the test". What is "the test" you ask? Why its Dustin and AMW putting a saddle on Fairplay and then attempting to ride him. You heard it right folks, they try to ride Johnny Fairplay. So I see the homoeroticism has been going on since 2005, good to know.

Monty Brown vs. Trytan

From headlining the PPV two months ago to this. Wow, I really feel bad for Brown. Clearly he was just too good for this crap and yeah, Trytan totally sucks. The worst part about this match? They actually let the big lummox get a bunch of offense in on Brown, which doesn't exactly help make Monty look any good. The end is completely insane, with Brown going for a Pounce only to have the lights go out. When they come back on there's a dude in the ring dressed all in black, so what does Monty do? He hits the Pounce on this guy and pins him for the win. Lolwut? NO RATING DUE TO SUCKAGE

We're in the back with The Franchise of Interviewers, Shane Douglas, who is talking to DDP. Yeah, its me, its me, its DDP. Ok, so he doesn't get into his full schtick, instead preferring to hit a bunch of Jarrett's catchphrases. You know, that didn't really make me want to see the match any more than I already did, so yeah, fail.

Jeff Hardy vs. Abyss - Falls Count Anywhere

Ah yes, another rematch from their previous classic at Against All Odds. Let's see if they can top that gem this time around. It's called a "Full Assault" or something like that, but really its just your standard FCA match. Impact Zone crowd laces into Hardy and really, you can't blame them. The guy has been flat out crappy for the past couple of shows. They brawl all over the place, Abyss kills a cameraman, they fight with a chair, I'm getting sleepy, oh here's Abyss with a ladder, nope, still sleepy. Wow, this is as plodding as they come and I have no interest in it at all, but compared to the last two matches its a goddamn classic! Hardy eventually wins with a Twist of Fate on the ladder. After the match, Abyss is not happy with losing, so he takes the opportunity to Black Hole Slam a shirtless Hardy onto some thumbtacks that he'd just thrown into the ring. Now THAT'S what I'm talking about. Including the post-match spot, this was better than last month's snooze-fest, but that's still not saying much. **

More backstage stuff with Johnny Fairplay that I could totally have lived without.

Kevin Nash vs. The Outlaw - First Blood Match

I get it, these guys hate each other SO much after only a month that they're already going for blood. Well that's probably how they're trying to spin it but the only thing that's actually spinning is my head. Big brawl to start that shouldn't surprise anyone since neither of these guys can actually wrestle. This is excruciating to sit through until The Outlaw tries to kill Nash with a screwdriver. The crowd almost came alive for that so what do they do next? Yep, more brawling, which totally kills the crowd again. Outlaw eventually bleeds, but Jeff Jarrett's random doctor comes out to clean it off. At the same time, Jarrett hits Nash with the NWA belt and busts him open, which of course is enough for Rudy Charles to give the win to The Outlaw once he wakes up. This was worse than it sounds, if that's even possible. 1/2*

AJ Styles vs. Christopher Daniels vs. Ron Killings vs. Elix Skipper - Ultimate X Challenge for the X-Division Title

After all the crap I've had to sit through on this show, I'm really looking forward to this match. The way this works is that for the first portion of the match its a tag team affair until one person is either pinned or submitted. After that it turns into a three way dance and once one more person is gone it becomes a standard Ultimate X Match. That's actually not a bad concept and its nice to see them try and freshen things up a little after holding several Ultimate X matches already. Of course Daniels and Skipper are not allowed to tag together after being forced to disband at Turning Point (in a surprising show of continuity) and Don West even brings this up. Kudos to TNA for finally getting something right tonight, its just too bad its during the penultimate match. They play this up as AJ and Killings not liking their partners for a little bit, which does work well, before Skipper eliminates Killings with the Sudden Impact.

Second fall has Daniels hitting a moonsault from the top of the cables, AJ hitting a SSP from the cables and more, but everything seemed botchy to me. Anyhow, Skipper eventually hits the Sudden Impact on AJ but DANIELS is there to roll him up for the pin, which would also put them into a program with each other after this show. We're down to AJ and Daniels so you know business is about to pick up shortly. It sure does, and even though its really just a bunch of climbing spots its cool because of who the two guys are. The finish sees AJ grabbing the belt but the ref not being able to see it due to, you guessed it, being knocked out. This gives Daniels enough time to nail AJ with the Angel's Wings and get the three count from the conveniently re-awakened referee. Where have I seen that finish before? Oh yeah, in the match that happened RIGHT BEFORE THIS ONE!!! Anyhow, middle portion was a little weak and the ending was meh, but the rest of this was good stuff and almost saved this show from oblivion. I said almost. ***1/2

Fairplay is in the back and is in yet another pointless segment. Sadly enough, I'd rather watch Johnny Fairplay in these segments than the match that's coming up.

Jeff Jarrett vs. Diamond Dallas Page - Ringside Revenge Match for the NWA Heavyweight Championship

Ringside Revenge is basically a lumberjack match with all the guys Jarrett has pissed off getting a chance to do...nothing. Apparently they aren't allowed to actually touch the competitors, which makes me wonder why they're out there in the first place. I'll bet its for some sort of bizarre angle at the end where they do something completely stupid. I guess we'll just have to see won't we? I'd go on about how bad this match is but I'm sure you can guess on your own. We get a bunch of run in's (gee, that's a new one). some even in front of the ref, who just turns a blind eye, and some pretty bad brawling. However, its the end of this match that really cements its position as one of the all time worst TNA main events. You see, Page has Jarrett beat, but Jarrett's lawyer jumps into the ring to confront him. This sends Monty Brown in to take out the lawyer but instead he hits the Pounce on Page and then puts Jarrett on top for the pin.

What the fuck was that? Brown was one of the most over faces on the roster and you turn him heel? Who the hell came up with that brilliant decision? It's bad enough that they fucked him over in the match with Jarrett at Final Resolution, but this was just atrocious and cannot be defended by anyone. In two month's time, TNA effectively killed Monty Brown because they thought it would be more logical to keep the belt on a guy who was drawing "fuck you" heat. Of course that's alright because who cares about Brown when we've got Jarrett, DDP, Hall, Kip FUCKING James and Sean Waltman to watch? Well, for one, I cared about Brown, but after this match? Fuck it, I no longer do, and that is just bad booking no matter how you look at it. Oh and in case you were wondering, match was fucking awful as well. *

Soooo, this show was horrible. There's really only a couple of matches worth watching (Opener, Ultimate X Challenge) and even those aren't exactly stellar. This was hands down the worst TNA PPV to date and just another example of them being totally clueless when it comes to what the fans want. I'd continue on with this rant, but honestly I don't feel like wasting any more of my time on Destination X. Hopefully things get better with the next PPV, because this one just flat out killed any "momentum" TNA might have had at the time. 2/10

 

[Postman Dave]

This PPV sucked ass, too many gimmick matches to paper over shitty feuds and angles. Look at the difference in cards between this show and Turning Point and it's embarrassing.

Who's idea was it to run a PPV feud between Kevin Nash & Billy Gunn? I'd complain about the stipulation but lord knows that match needed something to make it appealing.

The X-Title match was a bit of a let down simply because of the quality that had preceded it in the months beforehand. It was alright, but the gimmick over complicated things. Notice how this match hasn't returned since?

And of course, the main event turn. Legitimately one of the stupidest fucking things TNA has ever done (and that's saying A LOT). They took whatever momentum Brown had left from Final Resolution, said "fuck you", and flushed it all down the toilet. In the space of 30 seconds, Brown went from top babyface to just another Jarrett flunky, and he'd never recover. TNA took the strongest point of Monty's career and wasted it. As bad as FR was, at least you had the vague hope of a rematch down the line, especially as the finish was seemingly designed to keep him strong. This just killed off all hope for him whatsoever.

So shock horror, TNA had the old guys crowding the main event whilst hurting the rising, homegrown stars. TNA got their reputation of pushing any WWE reject they could get for a reason, it's clear to see from these shows. In come Nash, DDP, Waltman & Gunn, and down the card goes Brown.

Thankfully, the next show is better.

 

[Fuji Vice]

And of course, the main event turn. Legitimately one of the stupidest fucking things TNA has ever done (and that's saying A LOT). They took whatever momentum Brown had left from Final Resolution, said "fuck you", and flushed it all down the toilet. In the space of 30 seconds, Brown went from top babyface to just another Jarrett flunky, and he'd never recover. TNA took the strongest point of Monty's career and wasted it. As bad as FR was, at least you had the vague hope of a rematch down the line, especially as the finish was seemingly designed to keep him strong. This just killed off all hope for him whatsoever.

Easily the stupidest thing they've done up to this point. As I said, the booking here cannot be defended by anyone because it flat out sucks and destroys a wrestler permanently. How fucking counter-productive is that? Instead of building up your next big face (and not just a WWE reject at that) you do that? Holy shit. I can see why the book was out of Dusty's hands as soon as this show was over, but the damage to Brown was already done.

Just stupid, stupid, stupid.

 

[Postman Dave]

Easily the stupidest thing they've done up to this point. As I said, the booking here cannot be defended by anyone because it flat out sucks and destroys a wrestler permanently. How fucking counter-productive is that? Instead of building up your next big face (and not just a WWE reject at that) you do that? Holy shit. I can see why the book was out of Dusty's hands as soon as this show was over, but the damage to Brown was already done.

Just stupid, stupid, stupid.

I forgot it was Dusty booking during the early PPV period. Who took over from him?