Fuck My Life

[★Chuck Zombie★]

Today, I had drunk sex with a girl that I barely know. I didn't have a condom and was nervous about getting her pregnant, but she assured me that I could pull out. Right when I was about to pull out, she wrapped her legs around me and yelled : "BE MY BABY'S DADDY!" I couldn't get out in time. FML

I believe that can actually qualify as rape.....assuming he's not making it up like a lot of stories on that site.

 

[★Chuck Zombie★]

Today, I was enjoying my last day of Spring Break in Panama City. I got up to dance on the stage at the Holiday Inn in front of hundreds of college kids. I tried to be sexy by turning around and bending over. My friends took pictures and my bloody tampon string was hanging out the whole time. FML

Ew. What a nasty whore.

 

[seX-Power]

Lol I view these every day. Makes me feel better about myself.

 

[★Chuck Zombie★]

Lol, this one rules.

Today, it was my birthday. My girlfriend bought me a Nickelback CD. FML

 

[THE Brian Kendrick's Biceps]

Today, as I was getting my mail, I received a free coupon from a baby supply store saying "congratulations on your expectancy." Thinking it was a mistake, I showed my girlfriend, who I am living with. All she had to say was "Surprise!" FML

Today, I decided I would tell my mom I'm not going to marry my fiance because it just didn't feel right, only to walk into my own surprise engagement party. FML

 

[THE Brian Kendrick's Biceps]

rofl, this one gets its on post.

Today, I was pulled over by my father who is a police officer. He was training a rookie and gave me a breathalyzer test to show his trainee how to do it. I blew a .15 and was taken to jail. FML

 

[THE Brian Kendrick's Biceps]

Today, I walked in on my elderly great-great aunt sitting on her recliner in the living room. There was porn on the TV. Thinking that this was an accidental channel change, I asked, "What in the world are you watching!?" She replied in her sweet frail voice, "Two lesbians getting it on!" FML

 

[rosewt01]

HAHAHAHA, lol... i love that blue shut the fuck up one, ive already posted that on here somewhere els.e

 

[MJ807]

Today, I was writing an email to our entire company regarding a fundraiser we are taking part in for children and adults with disabilities. I was rushing to get the email out and hit send before I realized that instead of "Best Regards" I had typed "Best blueberries" as the closing line. FML

 

[PeepShow]

Today, I was enjoying my last day of Spring Break in Panama City. I got up to dance on the stage at the Holiday Inn in front of hundreds of college kids. I tried to be sexy by turning around and bending over. My friends took pictures and my bloody tampon string was hanging out the whole time. FML

Today, I had drunk sex with a girl that I barely know. I didn't have a condom and was nervous about getting her pregnant, but she assured me that I could pull out. Right when I was about to pull out, she wrapped her legs around me and yelled : "BE MY BABY'S DADDY!" I couldn't get out in time. FML