Fuck My Life

[PeepShow]

I've seen people on here post stories from the website and was rather surprised that this didn't have a thread yet. Post stories from there you just can't stop laughing at or things in your life that made you say FML.

Here's one that was posted today on the website:

Today, I had my girlfriend over and we were hugging when she put her feet on my feet. We started walking around like that and I said, "This is hard to maintain." She replied with "So's your erection." FML

 

[Moonlight Drive]

I wish I could find it (super rep for whoever posts it) but the one with the 'how about some blue shut the fuck up' was hilarious.

Today, I got an e-mail from a guy I'd had a one night stand with. He wanted to get together to talk about it. Turns out he's in rehab and he wanted to address the biggest mistakes he'd ever made in his life. I am a on a drug addict's list of regrets. FML

 

[PeepShow]

Today, my phone rang while I was home alone. When I picked up, all I could hear was heavy breathing. Convinced it was one of my friends playing a joke, I said loudly, "Get off the phone, you fucker, and don't call back!" It turned out it was my grandma. She had been having a stroke. FML

 

[MikeRaw]

Today, I got an e-mail from a guy I'd had a one night stand with. He wanted to get together to talk about it. Turns out he's in rehab and he wanted to address the biggest mistakes he'd ever made in his life. I am a on a drug addict's list of regrets. FML

LOL

 

[MikeRaw]

I also laugh that, when you click on the story, it shows peoples response to it, which are equally hilarious.

 

[MJ807]

Today, me and my boyfriend came back to my house after a night on the town. Thinking the house was empty, we proceeded to have sex. Just as it was getting good my phone rings. It was a text from my mom, "Quiet down. Even your father can tell your faking." FML

WEEEEEEE

 

[MikeRaw]

Today, I got an e-mail from a guy I'd had a one night stand with. He wanted to get together to talk about it. Turns out he's in rehab and he wanted to address the biggest mistakes he'd ever made in his life. I am a on a drug addict's list of regrets. FML

 

[Moonlight Drive]

That's been posted three times >_>

Lmao @ MJ's

 

[MikeRaw]

FUCK. I've tried to post 3 different stories, but I keep pasting the same one that i copied fromy ou originally.

 

[Phenom]

I wish I could find it (super rep for whoever posts it) but the one with the 'how about some blue shut the fuck up' was hilarious.

http://www.fmylife.com/kids/56665

Today, my child says "Mommy. Sometimes my peepee goes up like a stick." I say "Well, honey, that's normal and ok." Then I ask when it does that. And he says "Well, sometimes when watching Scooby Doo and Shaggy comes out dressed in lady clothes..." FML

lol

 

[MikeRaw]

Today, my boyfriend and I had sex for the first time. Afterwards we went to Applebees for dinner, then after we'd ate I asked "How was it?" he says "It was terrible", to which I said "The food was that bad?" He replies "No, the sex". FML

 

[MJ807]

Today, at the dinner table my parents were talking to my younger sister about her new boyfriend and how they should be taking it slow. My sister then pointed out that that's not what I do. My dad said, "Believe me I know- your sister's easier to get into than community college." FML

I want to meet her.

 

[MikeRaw]

Today, I was on a webcam with my friend. We were joking around so i stood up and flashed her. Her grandma choose that second to walk past and look at the screen. Her grandma now thinks were lesbians and that i'm a whore. FML

 

[Phenom]

Today, my friend and i decided to call my boyfriend of three months on three way pretending that i wasn't on the phone. They started talking about me and how cute we were together when my boyfriend says, ''I really do like Ashley a lot and its going to be even harder when i tell her i'm gay now." FML

 

[MJ807]

Today, I had drunk sex with a girl that I barely know. I didn't have a condom and was nervous about getting her pregnant, but she assured me that I could pull out. Right when I was about to pull out, she wrapped her legs around me and yelled : "BE MY BABY'S DADDY!" I couldn't get out in time. FML

sucks to be you