Final Battle 2013 discussion thread
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Finished watching this thing yesterday and couldn't wait to get a review up and talk about this one. Have only seen 3 ROH shows this year (Best in the World, Death Before Dishonor, this) so don't know THAT much about the talents or the storylines going into this one... but oh, what a ride it was.
If you're offended by course language, don't click the... nobody cares. Lets go!
If you're offended by course language, don't click the... nobody cares. Lets go!
Wrestling's doing it's best to keep with the fans to appeal to what wrestling fans want, while... lets me honest, most of us wrestling fans aren't sure what we want anymore. For years, we wrestling fans all ranted and raved that Vince Russo was killing the business... but now that he's gone, all the fun went with him. TNA is formulaic, WWE is apathetic, and for what I've seen the same could be said about ROH. This show finally changed that.
There were several instances of Russo-booking on this show, and most of it was earned + most of it worked, plus there were some semblance of the good parts of Russo (more characters, feuds up and down the card, something for everybody, everything having a purpose no matter how stupid it is) that was wonderful. That's all well and good, assuming they're going to do it sparingly.
Onto the show:
-God dammit, who let Matt Hardy into ROH?
1: I loved the story of this, with "Dammit, Matt Hardy has 1 more contractual appearance, we HAVE to use him? Fuck! Oh, well, lets just throw him at some jobber and call it quits" while Adam Page could get that big win under his belt. Hardy's a heat magnet since he doesn't belong in ROH at all but still has a big name so Page going over would have been great for the young guy's career, that left me cheering "GO PAGE GO, GO PAGE GO!" and I totally forgot I wasn't watching NXT before seeing fatass Matt Hardy lightly jogging towards a Side Effect that was missed into a standing shooting star off the apron that got me cheering even harder for Page. Fuck Matt Hardy. Then Hardy won, retroactively making this a waste of time. Thanks, ROH! Feel bad for Page after this.
-2 stars
Mark Briscoe was backstage slapping around a whip yelling a bunch of weird shit
-4 stars
-Now HERE's a heel we can/can't get behind. Silas Young. The Damien Sandow of ROH, who's a very old-school worker who doesn't belong in ROH getting him some heat, but can still actually move so that puts him several steps above Matt Hardy. Fuck Matt Hardy. Strap matches always seem to suck since there isn't much you can do with the strap, but this turned out really good. There's some little things ROH do to make stuff better, like the simple "The count breaks when you get hit by your opponent" . Thank you. The Orton DDT off the ring was cool, Silas wrapping the strap around Brisco's neck and slinging him was really cool, but geez I hope these ROH guys get paid well. They both tag the corners at the same time, before Briscoe slides off his back, does a Sunset Flip, and Silas just lunges free and touches the last turnbuckle...1: Can we call this the Bo Dallas finish, when it feels like a total letdown and gets gobs of heel heat despite being well within the rules? It works
-3 stars
ROH having the best commentary team in the top 3 companies:
-1 star. ( > 0 stars)
-Don't even make me TRY to recap this ACH and The Guy Who Teams with ACH vs Generation Me match. This was just too awesome for words, now with bonus actual selling and in-match storytelling! Yay! The Young Bucks are one of the best things
going in the indies right now... why are you still reading this and not looking for a way to watch this match? Gogogogogogogogogogogo!
-4 1/2 stars
Ooooh, we get to look at Maria, too? :gusta:
-4 1/2 stars
Awwwwwww shit. There's magic that happens that involves "Kevin Steen" and "Stretcher" in the same sentence. There's totally a chance that crazy motherfucker might actually kill Michael Bennett.
But Stretcher matches always suck, so Steen said "Fuck that! I'ma just beat that ass all up and down the arena and yell stuff into the mic, then when you wanna stretcher dude out then fuck y'all too, and hey Maria you screwed me in a way I didn't want so fuck you and here's a piledriver, too! Merry Christmas, bitch!" Hahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha, I was dying laughing throughout this whole thing and marking all over the place. Awesome stuff! And love the way they made it feel all unpredictable and nobody knew what to do after dude destroyed the stretcher. This was gold, Steen wins lol
-5 stars for personal enjoyment
Also, who made those steel chairs that wouldn't even budge with Steen's fat ass standing on them for that epic finish?1: Probably that same factory that made the Big Show steel chair from TLC last year
That chair factory: 4 stars
I've read and heard people say that Outlaw Inc and Red Dragon had one of the worst matches of the year. I can't confirm or deny that, since I haven't seen enough of any guy (except Homicide) to judge them, so I was just getting used to seeing these guys.... and didn't feel like I learned anything about anybody. A bunch of stuff happened, I didn't remember any of it outside of the finish 5 minutes later, didn't feel like anyone cared... then they had the weirdest heel turn ever and they jumped in the crowd, probably expecting people to be afraid and nobody cared. Can someone tell me what the hell just happened?
wtf stars
A Show having Maria, no women's division, and her not being the hottest woman on the show?
Scarlett rating: 5 stars
Okay, so you're probably thinking after that last extended squash that I'm a huge Kevin Steen fanboy and nobody could top him, right? You'd be wrong, because Tommaso Ciampa is the motherfucking man! This dude's just freakin' awesome, we have Taven being a little poser ass and getting completely pwned for it at the beginning and then Ciampa just beat a whole bunch of ass for 7 glorious minutes of awesomeness. Don't think I've ever seen such a small guy be this deadly and beat this much ass in such a small amount of time and was marking so much harder than even that Steen match, this had me in stiches. Dude just fucked up the House of Truth, hit his finisher, left 'em all laying and gtfo'ed. Fuck yeah!
Personal enjoyment: 5 stars
Yeah, I know these dumb little things in between the match ratings deserve little more than
2 stars
Ooooh, they had a nice... story... with BJ Whitmer returning from neck surgery? But if you have a nice story and nobody makes a sound, did it even happen? See, I fully expected Whitmer's injury to be totally legit, so it hurt watching this match. I thought it was brave of him to come back for one last match (I wasn't a fan of his, but the story was nice) but I cringed so much at every bump he took that it ruined the match for me. Granted, the stuff between Eddie and Roderick was a whole lot of fun, but I shouldn't comment on that... Then Russo showed up, and we had an epic swerve after the match! We had the heartfelt, cheesy "I'm leaving ROH" speech after the match, and Eddie said "It's a shame your career was cut short." BJ: "Oh, my career is only beginning..." BOOM! MERRY CHRISTMAS, BITCH! Hahahahahahaha, Jimmy Jacobs with the Spike is always hard to watch, and these three guys together oughta be sadistic. Not sure if the turn was a good idea, but... dammit, we desparately need more swerves in wrestling, so I'll take it.
n/a stars
"Merry Christmas, Bitch" becoming a holiday tradition
5 stars
Also in the "Please don't make me recap this" section was the main event, definitely go see it IF you have the time. The match was definitely too long as you'd expect from ROH, but definitely kept your attention throughout. Fairly fast pace for such a long match, and enjoyed it throughout.
Then Matt Hardy showed up.
Why.
Fuck Matt Hardy.
Random Twist of Fate from the running-in rejected Hardy, and Elgin had none of it before Cole hit the Twist of Fate on him and we had another run in... Why is the IWC not complaining about this... because it's good, that's why. Briscoe with the save before all hell breaks loose and apparently Matt Hardy is managing Adam Cole now, which is... the best way to use him, and to save us from the last image being a bunch of top guys selling for Matt Fucking Hardy comes Kassius Mother Fucking Ohno jumping the barricade and running elbow-ing everyone to death and it was awesome... Oh, baby, it was something to behold. Hero's back, the ROH fans were happy, we got a great show and I'm happy.
Match: 4 stars.
Pay-Per-View: 4 1/2 stars, second best of the year.
Someone please tell me when ROH TV comes on, I have 3 hours on Monday Nights with nothing better to do.
There were several instances of Russo-booking on this show, and most of it was earned + most of it worked, plus there were some semblance of the good parts of Russo (more characters, feuds up and down the card, something for everybody, everything having a purpose no matter how stupid it is) that was wonderful. That's all well and good, assuming they're going to do it sparingly.
Onto the show:
-God dammit, who let Matt Hardy into ROH?
1: I loved the story of this, with "Dammit, Matt Hardy has 1 more contractual appearance, we HAVE to use him? Fuck! Oh, well, lets just throw him at some jobber and call it quits" while Adam Page could get that big win under his belt. Hardy's a heat magnet since he doesn't belong in ROH at all but still has a big name so Page going over would have been great for the young guy's career, that left me cheering "GO PAGE GO, GO PAGE GO!" and I totally forgot I wasn't watching NXT before seeing fatass Matt Hardy lightly jogging towards a Side Effect that was missed into a standing shooting star off the apron that got me cheering even harder for Page. Fuck Matt Hardy. Then Hardy won, retroactively making this a waste of time. Thanks, ROH! Feel bad for Page after this.-2 stars
Mark Briscoe was backstage slapping around a whip yelling a bunch of weird shit
-4 stars
-Now HERE's a heel we can/can't get behind. Silas Young. The Damien Sandow of ROH, who's a very old-school worker who doesn't belong in ROH getting him some heat, but can still actually move so that puts him several steps above Matt Hardy. Fuck Matt Hardy. Strap matches always seem to suck since there isn't much you can do with the strap, but this turned out really good. There's some little things ROH do to make stuff better, like the simple "The count breaks when you get hit by your opponent" . Thank you. The Orton DDT off the ring was cool, Silas wrapping the strap around Brisco's neck and slinging him was really cool, but geez I hope these ROH guys get paid well. They both tag the corners at the same time, before Briscoe slides off his back, does a Sunset Flip, and Silas just lunges free and touches the last turnbuckle...
1: Can we call this the Bo Dallas finish, when it feels like a total letdown and gets gobs of heel heat despite being well within the rules? It works -3 stars
ROH having the best commentary team in the top 3 companies:
-1 star. ( > 0 stars)
-Don't even make me TRY to recap this ACH and The Guy Who Teams with ACH vs Generation Me match. This was just too awesome for words, now with bonus actual selling and in-match storytelling! Yay! The Young Bucks are one of the best things
going in the indies right now... why are you still reading this and not looking for a way to watch this match? Gogogogogogogogogogogo!
-4 1/2 stars
Ooooh, we get to look at Maria, too? :gusta:
-4 1/2 stars
Awwwwwww shit. There's magic that happens that involves "Kevin Steen" and "Stretcher" in the same sentence. There's totally a chance that crazy motherfucker might actually kill Michael Bennett.
But Stretcher matches always suck, so Steen said "Fuck that! I'ma just beat that ass all up and down the arena and yell stuff into the mic, then when you wanna stretcher dude out then fuck y'all too, and hey Maria you screwed me in a way I didn't want so fuck you and here's a piledriver, too! Merry Christmas, bitch!" Hahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha, I was dying laughing throughout this whole thing and marking all over the place. Awesome stuff! And love the way they made it feel all unpredictable and nobody knew what to do after dude destroyed the stretcher. This was gold, Steen wins lol-5 stars for personal enjoyment
Also, who made those steel chairs that wouldn't even budge with Steen's fat ass standing on them for that epic finish?
1: Probably that same factory that made the Big Show steel chair from TLC last yearThat chair factory: 4 stars
I've read and heard people say that Outlaw Inc and Red Dragon had one of the worst matches of the year. I can't confirm or deny that, since I haven't seen enough of any guy (except Homicide) to judge them, so I was just getting used to seeing these guys.... and didn't feel like I learned anything about anybody. A bunch of stuff happened, I didn't remember any of it outside of the finish 5 minutes later, didn't feel like anyone cared... then they had the weirdest heel turn ever and they jumped in the crowd, probably expecting people to be afraid and nobody cared. Can someone tell me what the hell just happened?
wtf stars
A Show having Maria, no women's division, and her not being the hottest woman on the show?
Scarlett rating: 5 stars
Okay, so you're probably thinking after that last extended squash that I'm a huge Kevin Steen fanboy and nobody could top him, right? You'd be wrong, because Tommaso Ciampa is the motherfucking man! This dude's just freakin' awesome, we have Taven being a little poser ass and getting completely pwned for it at the beginning and then Ciampa just beat a whole bunch of ass for 7 glorious minutes of awesomeness. Don't think I've ever seen such a small guy be this deadly and beat this much ass in such a small amount of time and was marking so much harder than even that Steen match, this had me in stiches. Dude just fucked up the House of Truth, hit his finisher, left 'em all laying and gtfo'ed. Fuck yeah!
Personal enjoyment: 5 stars
Yeah, I know these dumb little things in between the match ratings deserve little more than
2 stars
Ooooh, they had a nice... story... with BJ Whitmer returning from neck surgery? But if you have a nice story and nobody makes a sound, did it even happen? See, I fully expected Whitmer's injury to be totally legit, so it hurt watching this match. I thought it was brave of him to come back for one last match (I wasn't a fan of his, but the story was nice) but I cringed so much at every bump he took that it ruined the match for me. Granted, the stuff between Eddie and Roderick was a whole lot of fun, but I shouldn't comment on that... Then Russo showed up, and we had an epic swerve after the match! We had the heartfelt, cheesy "I'm leaving ROH" speech after the match, and Eddie said "It's a shame your career was cut short." BJ: "Oh, my career is only beginning..." BOOM! MERRY CHRISTMAS, BITCH! Hahahahahahaha, Jimmy Jacobs with the Spike is always hard to watch, and these three guys together oughta be sadistic. Not sure if the turn was a good idea, but... dammit, we desparately need more swerves in wrestling, so I'll take it.
n/a stars
"Merry Christmas, Bitch" becoming a holiday tradition
5 stars
Also in the "Please don't make me recap this" section was the main event, definitely go see it IF you have the time. The match was definitely too long as you'd expect from ROH, but definitely kept your attention throughout. Fairly fast pace for such a long match, and enjoyed it throughout.
Then Matt Hardy showed up.
Why.
Fuck Matt Hardy.
Random Twist of Fate from the running-in rejected Hardy, and Elgin had none of it before Cole hit the Twist of Fate on him and we had another run in... Why is the IWC not complaining about this... because it's good, that's why. Briscoe with the save before all hell breaks loose and apparently Matt Hardy is managing Adam Cole now, which is... the best way to use him, and to save us from the last image being a bunch of top guys selling for Matt Fucking Hardy comes Kassius Mother Fucking Ohno jumping the barricade and running elbow-ing everyone to death and it was awesome... Oh, baby, it was something to behold. Hero's back, the ROH fans were happy, we got a great show and I'm happy.
Match: 4 stars.
Pay-Per-View: 4 1/2 stars, second best of the year.
Someone please tell me when ROH TV comes on, I have 3 hours on Monday Nights with nothing better to do.
