“Generic lyrics”
-“80s Rock Anthem” by Hair Metal Band
Once again, we see our hero (or villain…or asshole) sitting once again in his promo room. As always, we have a nice leather recliner, a table, a bottle, a glass, and a douchebag. Oh right, that’s Alex. My bad. Anyways, he’s dressed in an Alex Scott t-shirt (that narcissistic asshole), jeans, and cowboy boots. Right…because Canada has so many ranches. Do they? I don’t know. I’m no Canuck god damn it. Anyways, Alex sits back and begins his promo.
<>Alex Scott<>
Jesus Christ, here we are again. As always, I’m Alex Scott. Frankly, I’m bored. Why? Because i have absolutely nothing to watch. Why is that, you may ask. Well, usually, I can sit back, relax, and laugh at whatever my opponent chooses to do for a promo skit. But this week, my show hasn’t aired. Why is that, ADAM? Why haven’t you done a single damn thing since the card has been announced? The clock is ticking, buddy. And frankly, I’m getting annoyed.
Alex takes a sip of his liquor.
<>Alex Scott<>
I can’t blame you though, ADAM. After all the ass whoopings, both physical and verbal, that I have given you, I would not want to do or say anything to provoke me either. Of course, maybe you’ll finally put up something close to show time. I could be patient and wait up until the very end to see if you say a single word about our match. But I’m not that patient, and I have a schedule to keep up with. I can’t just stay at home all damn day, sit at my computer, and wait for you to make your own little promo for me to rip to shreds. While I know I would fully enjoy doing that, I do not have the time to wait for your lazy ass. So, I’ll just rip you apart without your promo. Which is fine with me. I have plenty of material from our past.
Alex downs the rest of the glass and fills it up once more.
<>Alex Scott<>
But why is that true, ADAM? Why have we always been at odds with one another? Is it racial? Is it a hate crime?...Nah. Im Canadian. That doesn't exist for us. Hell, we have black guys speaking fucking FRENCH up here! Clearly, all the rules are out the window. Is it more personal? Not really. I don’t hate you ADAM. But the truth is…I don’t give two shits about you. You’re nothing more than a pissant who doesn’t know his place or what to do. But you know what? I’m going to help you. Here’s something you can do to vastly improve your career.
The Awesome One now leans forward in his chair towards the camera, hands out front.
<>Alex Scott<>
Take two nails. You go up to your wall. Hammer each nail about a foot away from each other. You go up to the first nail and hang up your boots. You go up to the second nail and hang up whatever ridiculous chain you’re wearing. Then you pick up your T-Mobile Sidekick, call the front office, and tell them you’re retiring from wrestling. Because kid, you ain’t got it.
The cocky Canuck then sits back and takes another sip of his Scotch.
<>Alex Scott<>
I do this for your own benefit, ADAM. You are hurting yourself. Going into a match with me is downright stupid. All your decisions you make by yourself are shit. Using “Kriminal” as a name? Horrible. And really? Most dangerous man alive? That's your god damned tag line?! Your little moniker. Does anyone know where ADAM came up with that one?
Alex raises his hand. He gets a big smile on his face like a kid in school.
<>Alex Scott<>
Ooooh I KNOW! You STOLE that damn name from your old bunch of groupies! Oh, does no one remember MDMA? Most Dangerous Men Alive? That cute little faction you were the odd man out on with GWL, Eddie, and Walter? Yeah, I remember. I also remember how everyone in that group dominated the federation at some point...except for you, ADAM. All of those men became world champions...except for you, ADAM. So that's what you do, huh? Steal the name of a group that you were the weakest member of? No wonder you call yourself Kriminal...ADAM."
Alex downs the rest of his glass yet again. This time, he doesn’t fill it back up.
<>Alex Scott<>
And listen. I’m calling you Adam because that is who you need to be. It’s who you truly are. Kriminal is not you. Do you break the law? Outside of stealing tampons, no. Do you steal wins? We all know that ain’t true. So no, ADAM, you are no criminal. You are not the most dangerous man alive. And you sure as Hell aren’t a wrestler. As I’ve shown you before, you can’t match up to a real wrestler.
Alex then stops for a moment and ponders his next thought.
<>Alex Scott<>
Now, you may be asking yourself about why I continue to bring up the past. Well, ADAM, I do this because we can learn a lot from history. After all, we are doomed to repeat history. And if history tells us anything, it's that you can not defeat me, ADAM. In all our years fighting and facing off, you hold not one...not two...but ZERO victories over me! So no matter what you do...no matter what you say...I will always be better than you.
That cocky smirk comes up on Alex’s face once more.
<>Alex Scott<>
So face the facts. This coming Tuesday in Charlotte, North Carolina, if you walk down to that ring, you will be embarrassed, ridiculed, and completely outclassed by the one, the only, the AWESOME Alex Scott. Why?
A chuckle escapes Alex’s lips.
<>Alex Scott<>
I think we’ve already established that…haven’t we, ADAM?
The Awesome Assassin then stands up and walks off screen. We then fade to black.