Booking Triple H's first Monday Night Raw in charge
Segment 1-Triple H walks towards the ring as the entire roster is on their knees doing the Wayne's World "We're Not Worthy" bit as they line the entrance ramp. Triple H gets in the ring and delivers his "State of the WWE" address. Highlights include-
*Firing Teddy Long as Smackdown General Manager and replacing him with Scott Hall.
*Revealing Shawn Michaels as the Raw General Manager
*Reinstating the Hardcore, Cruiserweight and European Titles and awarding them to his three daughters.
*Cancelling the scheduled WWE Championship tournament final of Miz vs. Rey Mysterio for the night and replacing it with an every superstar on the roster battle royal.
*Announcing a unification match between the United States and Intercontinental titles.
Segment 2-Divas Title Match. Kelly Kelly defends against Stephanie McMahon. Stephanie wins the match after whining to Hunter that she wants a title. Triple H comes out and tells Kelly to lie down on her back. Randy Orton walks out and says "like she hasn't heard that before". Kelly lays down for Stephanie who pins her using her enormous sillicone and breast milk filled titties.
Segment 3-The slam of the week is Triple H winning his first WWE Championship. This leads us to a backstage segment with Triple H in his office. The walls are lined with pictures of Triple H and there is a giant statue of Triple in the middle of the room. The Miz walks into the office but can only manage to sputter and stammer because he's so in awe of Triple H.
Segment 4-Intercontinental Title vs. United States Title Unification Match. Ezekiel Jackson vs. Dolph Ziggler. Before the match Triple H comes out and announces that there is a third competitor and it's Kevin Nash. Kevin Nash walks to the ring and manages to tear both quads, a bicep and a hamstring just walking to the ring. Then when he actually enters the ring he cracks two ribs and shatters both knees. Despite this Nash beats both Ezekiel Jackson and Dolph Ziggler by putting one finger on each of them. And yes he manages to break both index fingers in doing this.
Segment 5-Shawn Michaels and Triple H selling merchandise. Every item is something pertaining to Triple H.
Segment 6-WWE Tag Team Title Match David Otunga and Michael McGi...McGui...fuck it...Hennig's kid vs. X Pac and Kevin Nash. Triple H is on commentary. Nash is pushed to the ring in a wheelchair by X Pac. It's obvious X Pac is high on something as he keeps randomly stopping to allow the imaginary white flamingos to cross in front of him. Then as he continues pushing him he suddenly stops again because he has the munchies and rushes the concession stand. They've put the ropes down on one side and replaced it with a wheelchair ramp. X Pac pushes Nash into the ring then starts freaking out because in his fucked up state he thinks the ring is a bottomless pit and Nash has fallen to his death. X Pac climbs up on the turnbuckles and is yelling down at Nash like he's at the bottom of a pit even though he's right in front of him. Otunga and Hennig Jr enter the ring as X pac has somewhat came out of it and is actually standing in the ring. X pac seems more concerned with watching the purple wallaby dancing the macarena next to a talking toaster that is floating in mid air. Otunga and Hennig Jr try double teaming Nash but he double choke slams both of them using only his pinkies and pins them both as X Pac is still staring at the dancing purple wallaby and floating toaster. They hand X Pac his title belt and he immediately does a line of coke on it.
Segment 7-The Summerslam "Classic Moment" is Triple H winning the second Elmination Chamber. The WWE Championship battle Royal is next. The entire Raw roster is in the ring. Triple H announces himself as the final participant in the match. Triple H enters the ring and the match starts. Every one dog piles on Triple H who throws them off with ease eliminating 25 people in the process. Triple H then eliminates another 30 people simply by doing his water spit taunt. The final four are John Cena, Randy Orton, The Undertaker and Triple H. John Cena, Randy Orton and Undertaker each hit Triple H with their finishers 10 times. Triple H no sells each and every one of them, stacks all three of them up and hits a massive triple Pedigree. Then Triple H eliminates all three of them and wins. Triple H then announces an immediate world title unification match with Christian. Christian enters the ring and immediately gets hit with a pedigree and pinned for the three count.
Segment 8-Post unification title match victory celebration. The entire roster comes back out. This time each person has a gift for Triple H. Balloons fall from the sky (each balloon has Triple H's face on it). A huge fireworks display goes off with each firework being the letter H. Kevin Nash is pushed out to the ring by Shawn Michaels. Triple H places his hand on Nash's head and suddenly a bright light starts glowing around the two of them and Nash stands up from his wheelchair and is completely healed from all his injuries. Triple H then delivers his victory speech. He announces that he has cloned himself and the main event at Summerslam and every pay per view thereafter will be Triple H vs. Triple H.
On Friday Night Smackdown it's revealed that Scott Hall sold Smackdown for alcohol money. Instead the timeslot normally reserved for Smackdown will now be used to show The Chaperone. Every single week. Also Superstars and NXT are replaced with home movies of Triple H as a child.
Segment 1-Triple H walks towards the ring as the entire roster is on their knees doing the Wayne's World "We're Not Worthy" bit as they line the entrance ramp. Triple H gets in the ring and delivers his "State of the WWE" address. Highlights include-
*Firing Teddy Long as Smackdown General Manager and replacing him with Scott Hall.
*Revealing Shawn Michaels as the Raw General Manager
*Reinstating the Hardcore, Cruiserweight and European Titles and awarding them to his three daughters.
*Cancelling the scheduled WWE Championship tournament final of Miz vs. Rey Mysterio for the night and replacing it with an every superstar on the roster battle royal.
*Announcing a unification match between the United States and Intercontinental titles.
Segment 2-Divas Title Match. Kelly Kelly defends against Stephanie McMahon. Stephanie wins the match after whining to Hunter that she wants a title. Triple H comes out and tells Kelly to lie down on her back. Randy Orton walks out and says "like she hasn't heard that before". Kelly lays down for Stephanie who pins her using her enormous sillicone and breast milk filled titties.
Segment 3-The slam of the week is Triple H winning his first WWE Championship. This leads us to a backstage segment with Triple H in his office. The walls are lined with pictures of Triple H and there is a giant statue of Triple in the middle of the room. The Miz walks into the office but can only manage to sputter and stammer because he's so in awe of Triple H.
Segment 4-Intercontinental Title vs. United States Title Unification Match. Ezekiel Jackson vs. Dolph Ziggler. Before the match Triple H comes out and announces that there is a third competitor and it's Kevin Nash. Kevin Nash walks to the ring and manages to tear both quads, a bicep and a hamstring just walking to the ring. Then when he actually enters the ring he cracks two ribs and shatters both knees. Despite this Nash beats both Ezekiel Jackson and Dolph Ziggler by putting one finger on each of them. And yes he manages to break both index fingers in doing this.
Segment 5-Shawn Michaels and Triple H selling merchandise. Every item is something pertaining to Triple H.
Segment 6-WWE Tag Team Title Match David Otunga and Michael McGi...McGui...fuck it...Hennig's kid vs. X Pac and Kevin Nash. Triple H is on commentary. Nash is pushed to the ring in a wheelchair by X Pac. It's obvious X Pac is high on something as he keeps randomly stopping to allow the imaginary white flamingos to cross in front of him. Then as he continues pushing him he suddenly stops again because he has the munchies and rushes the concession stand. They've put the ropes down on one side and replaced it with a wheelchair ramp. X Pac pushes Nash into the ring then starts freaking out because in his fucked up state he thinks the ring is a bottomless pit and Nash has fallen to his death. X Pac climbs up on the turnbuckles and is yelling down at Nash like he's at the bottom of a pit even though he's right in front of him. Otunga and Hennig Jr enter the ring as X pac has somewhat came out of it and is actually standing in the ring. X pac seems more concerned with watching the purple wallaby dancing the macarena next to a talking toaster that is floating in mid air. Otunga and Hennig Jr try double teaming Nash but he double choke slams both of them using only his pinkies and pins them both as X Pac is still staring at the dancing purple wallaby and floating toaster. They hand X Pac his title belt and he immediately does a line of coke on it.
Segment 7-The Summerslam "Classic Moment" is Triple H winning the second Elmination Chamber. The WWE Championship battle Royal is next. The entire Raw roster is in the ring. Triple H announces himself as the final participant in the match. Triple H enters the ring and the match starts. Every one dog piles on Triple H who throws them off with ease eliminating 25 people in the process. Triple H then eliminates another 30 people simply by doing his water spit taunt. The final four are John Cena, Randy Orton, The Undertaker and Triple H. John Cena, Randy Orton and Undertaker each hit Triple H with their finishers 10 times. Triple H no sells each and every one of them, stacks all three of them up and hits a massive triple Pedigree. Then Triple H eliminates all three of them and wins. Triple H then announces an immediate world title unification match with Christian. Christian enters the ring and immediately gets hit with a pedigree and pinned for the three count.
Segment 8-Post unification title match victory celebration. The entire roster comes back out. This time each person has a gift for Triple H. Balloons fall from the sky (each balloon has Triple H's face on it). A huge fireworks display goes off with each firework being the letter H. Kevin Nash is pushed out to the ring by Shawn Michaels. Triple H places his hand on Nash's head and suddenly a bright light starts glowing around the two of them and Nash stands up from his wheelchair and is completely healed from all his injuries. Triple H then delivers his victory speech. He announces that he has cloned himself and the main event at Summerslam and every pay per view thereafter will be Triple H vs. Triple H.
On Friday Night Smackdown it's revealed that Scott Hall sold Smackdown for alcohol money. Instead the timeslot normally reserved for Smackdown will now be used to show The Chaperone. Every single week. Also Superstars and NXT are replaced with home movies of Triple H as a child.
