asherjk presents: E.B.W. Extremley Bitchin' Wrestling.

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thanks for the tips moonlight ill use word from now on and ill try using some colour, keep in mind im not very good at this sort of thing and im sorta learning as i go, next one will be better and i wont write it to kill boredom next time.

ill take a look at other BTB's more closeley and see how i go next time.

moreover thanks for reading.

Frankston FTW- Asher
 
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i relly need to stop double posting....

E.B.W Show Plan.

[FONT=&quot][/FONT] Australia Day Celebrations Promo

Beth Phoenix vs. Mickie James for the E.B.W Woman’s Championship

John Morrison calls out Batista

E.B.W’s GM is revealed

CM Punk vs. Drew Mcintire E.B.W Championship tournament round 1

DX and Kofi Kingston vs. Randy Orton and Legacy

Jeff Hardy vs. Matt Hardy Falls Count Anywhere for the E.B.W Hardcore Championship

GM announces Australia Day Celebrations matches.

End Show.

ill write this one at a godly hour of the day instead of 5 in the morning this time.

Cheers- Asher
 

LadyHotrod

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Um...it's your BTB. I'm sure you can do whatever you want. Maybe just explain how that person became GM.
 
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E.B.W
Extremely Bitchin’ Wrestling.

Opening pyro show and J.R says howdy and makes several barbeque jokes before a video comes up on the Titan-Tron.
[Australia Day PPV Promotion Video.]

Mickie James vs. Beth Phoenix for the E.B.W Woman’s Championship.

(Please note, I read into BTB’s a little more and found that a recap then a conclusion was better than a series of moves then a quick finish so ill go with the recap for all normal matches except for main events and PPV matches)
As Mickie James jumps and runs to the ring the crowd cheers and claps holding up their signs.
However as Beth Phoenix walks to the ring everyone boo’s because she’s a bitch.

In a back and forth match both Mickie and Beth get their fair share of shots in, the end of the match happens like this:
Both are down outside the ring as the referee raises his hand for the 6th time “SIX!†as they stand he counts again “SEVEN!†both enter the ring and start throwing punches back and forth before Beth lands a massive one right to the throat of Mickie before lifting her up for a Glam Slam but is countered by Mickie who dropkicks her in the chest standing and attempting her DDT but is countered by Beth who lifts for another Glam Slam but Mickie lands a sunset flip.
1-2-3!
“Here’s your winner and the new E.B.W Women’s Champion Mickie James!
_________________________________________________________________________
The crowd erupts when “This Aint’ No Make Believe†begins playing and John Morrison makes his way to the ring with a huge smile to go with his championship.
As “I Walk Alone†begins playing Batista is met with a collective boo as he walks to the ring, both men stare each other down as Morrison lifts his microphone up.
Morrison: Hello New York!
[The crowd cheers and claps and all that]
Morrison: So Dave, I bet you think I came out here to brag about the beating I gave you last week.
Batista: CUT THE CRAP!
Morrison: Whoa chill out King Kong [Morrison does his best impression of King Kong which is inevitably awesome]
Batista: You came here to mock me!
[Morrison shrugs]: Yeah... I guess I did but not only for that.
Batista: What then?
Morrison: Australia Day, How about it?
Batista: Think hard before you ask me again... Seriously think hard.
Morrison: What’s to think about? I kicked your ass once already; hell ill even put my title on the line.
[Batista kicks Morrison in the stomach and delivers a quick Batista Bomb before departing the ring]
Batista: See you there...
________________________________________________________________________________
The crowd stands and cheers when they finally see E.B.W GM Donald Trump walking to the ring throwing $100 bills into the crowd.
Trump: Welcome to E.B.W! Together we are going to hit Vince where it hurts!
[The crowd cheers and claps]
Trump: When Vince “fired†me I thought to myselfâ€How can I get him back?†and then I realised I should start my own wrestling brand, so I offered the best of WWE double their current pay and I got everyone I wanted! But this won’t be a failure like WCW; E.B.W will be the most successful wrestling brand in history! And to help me I got two people that Vince hates!
[The crowd screams and cheers when the DX theme plays]
HHH: Hey Vince, Are you ready? NO I SAID: ARE YOU READY!!!!
HBK: We have something special for you if you come out here
[The crowd boo’s as no chance plays and Vince struts out and enters the ring]
Vince: You guys think you can out rate WWE? Did you see what we did to WCW? E.B.W is just another failure!
Trump: Vince the problem with WCW was that they didn’t think it through; they just wanted to put a price on it and sell it to people. E.B.W is better than WWE its better than WCW it surpasses everything else!
Vince: Oh yeah? Surpass this!
[Vince plants a big right hook right into Trumps jaw and being super kicked by HBK for his trouble]
Trump: I think I just did!
__________________________________________________________________________________

Drew Mcintire walks onto the ramp to a standing boo.
CM Punks reception is much the same aside from the fact that Mcintire attacks him with a Singapore cane across the torso, the back, the neck repeatedly before hitting a Future Shock DDT wearing punk out completely before ordering the referee to ring the bell.
CM Punk vs. Drew Mcintire: E.B.W Championship Round 1
As the bell rings CM Punk is clearly wasted (drug free my ass) and Mcintire is smiling Osama with plutonium.
He kicks Punk in the torso and hits another Future Shock, 1-2-3!


DX walks to the ring and does their thing before Kofi comes out and waits near the ramp.
Legacy walks out and Orton is subject to Trouble in Paradise as Legacy attacks DX runs down to assist. HBK Grabs a steel chair while HHH bails Kofi out but Orton hits an RKO on HHH instead of Kofi as HBK enters the fray with a steel chair laying out Dibiase and Rhodes.
Orton stands cornered with three men standing around him, he looks over to see Legacy laid out on the ramp, and desperate he strikes Kingston but cops a chair to the back and a haymaker to the face as he is beaten down.
A large group of referee’s break up the fight and tend to Orton while DX and Kingston point and laugh.
__________________________________________________________________________________

The crowd roars when the Hardy’s make a tag team entrance rather than singles entrances.

Jeff Hardy vs. Matt Hardy Falls Count Anywhere for the E.B.W Hardcore Championship

As the bell rings Matt and Jeff shake hands before locking up and exchanging forearms before Matt Irish whips Jeff into the corner and unleashes a combo of kicks and punches before running to the other corner and running back at Jeff who lifts his legs into his brother’s face sending him sprawling out of the ring.
As Jeff ascends the turnbuckle Matt begins to stand but is too late when Jeff is already in midair, crashing down on him levelling both. Jeff goes for a cover 1-2-NO! Matt gets his shoulder up and both men stand, Matt Irish whips Jeff into the barrier and attempts a school-boy pin 1-2-Kickout Jeff kicks out.
Both men getting desperate head to the ring apron and pull out ladders before dumping them and grabbing chairs and running at each other and swinging. Jeff scores a shot at Matt’s ribs which floors him; Jeff makes a cover 1-2-thr... No! Matt barley gets the shoulder up.
Jeff smashes his brother in the head with a chair again before setting up a ladder inside the ring and climbing to the top and standing. Matt is still down and not moving much at all, Jeff puts his arms out either side and yells “Swanton!†before taking flight flipping over and BOOM! 1-2-3!
“Here’s your winner and the new E.B.W Hardcore Champion Jeff Hardy!â€
__________________________________________________________________________________


Donald trump walks out passing more $100 bills out to the crowd before raising his microphone.
Trump: Australia Day is coming up and we have some great matches for you here is the list:
CM Punk will settle his score with Drew Mcintire in a Singapore cane match!
DX and Kofi Kingston will have a brawl all over the arena!
Jeff Hardy will defend his title against Edge in a steel cage match!
Batista has a shot at John Morrison and his title when they meet in a no holds barred match!
Rey Mysterio takes on Chris Jericho!
And two giants clash when the Undertaker tries to lay the world’s largest athlete to rest when he meets The Big Show!
So until then! Good night!
Trump walks back to the ramp and the camera cuts out.


_________________________________________________________


here it is guys.

feedback welcome

Cheers- Asher
 

Moonlight Drive

Guest
Spelling and grammar are still a bit of an issue, but it was a bit better than last week. Make sure that you get on top of that next show.

You're still using these huge sentences though, definitely stop that. This
Both are down outside the ring as the referee raises his hand for the 6th time “SIX!” as they stand he counts again “SEVEN!” both enter the ring and start throwing punches back and forth before Beth lands a massive one right to the throat of Mickie before lifting her up for a Glam Slam but is countered by Mickie who dropkicks her in the chest standing and attempting her DDT but is countered by Beth who lifts for another Glam Slam but Mickie lands a sunset flip."
is not one sentence. Just slow up with your writing, you don't need to try and cram it all into one sentence.

There also needs to be more description of what's actually happening. Why the hell were DX coming to the ring anyway? And why was Kofi there? Wtf is going on with the Donald Trump thing as well, plus why would Vince appear on a rival brand? Everything is happening so quickly, you've got to stop rushing things.

The matches are still rather painful to read. Trying to force everything that happened into one or two sentences isn't the way to go.

Your promos improved slightly. Batista/Morrison was much better due to some back and forth, but still, you rushed it. Embellish what's happening, draw people in. The first Trump promo made no sense at all and was also rushed, but not as rushed as the first one. Also, a huge thing, character. You need to develop them more, like I said last week. Batista had a bit of an edge, but everyone else was much too generic. Try to bold the names of who is talking as well, it makes it easier to read.

The final promo by Trump was unnecessary, it would've been a much better ending to have Matt and Jeff finishing the show. You could've just indicated it was the end of the show, and then set out what matches have been booked for your Pay-Per-View, eg.

End Of Show

Australia Day
January 26

CM Punk vs. Drew McIntyre in a Singapore Cane match

Rey Mysterio vs. Chris Jericho

etc.

So overall, stop rushing everything. You don't need to announced everything at once and it's not an exercise in how fast you can cram everything into your show. Let stuff build up, let the characters and feuds develop rather than trying to make four weeks worth of build happen on one show. I don't even know how this match between Big Show and Undertaker got on the card, same for Rey and Jericho. Hell, I don't even know when the Pay-Per-View is.

Just remember: spelling, grammar, and slow it down.
 
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thanks heaps, the undertaker vs big show and rey mysterio vs chris jericho are just fill ins because most other PPV's on other BTB's are longer.

in regards to slowing it down, its always been a problem of mine trying to cram everything into one or two scentances, perhaps my first PPV will be better but who knows?

anyway thanks for reading.

Cheers- Asher
 

Moonlight Drive

Guest
thanks heaps, the undertaker vs big show and rey mysterio vs chris jericho are just fill ins because most other PPV's on other BTB's are longer

See, that's what I mean by rushing things. Most Pay-Per-Views have 4 weeks build, not 2. You don't need to try and cram too much onto your PPV either, 5 matches with proper build is better than 8 thrown together ones.
 
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thanks, ill keep it in mind, im gonna kill Undertaker vs Big show and Rey Mysterio vs Chris Jericho.

and what you said about DX and Kofi beating on Legacy, they were going to have a six man tag match, it went to hell before it started.
 

The Leviathan

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It's first time to read this and looks like you are really new here with how you do with your show and it quickly improves.

For the matches, I do really have no complains with this, it's easy to read and this will let some readers who don't have much time to read long matches. Just wait for awhile and you could get the attention of some readers especially when your storyline develops. As for some ending of the matches if pretty funny and some are shocking.

For the promos, I believe many will say that your promos are short and out of character. Well, I can't complain more with that 'coz I am also having some problems on writing a good promo, it is way hard to do an epic promo and only a few had in this BTB Section we can say wrote a gold one.

A little advice I could give you is to try to read some of the BTB's, old and new, to get you some of the ideas on how to develop your work and you could also find your own style of writing. Don't rush your writings as it will totally hurt the quality of your work.

I haven't say a lot of things but I hope I contributed something for your BTB. Good Luck with it.