Angry teen throws boiling water on boyfriend

[Kaedon]

The No Smark Zone 1: Grand Daddy Of Them All

The No Smark Zone 1: The Grand Daddy Of Them All

Welcome to my column. And when I say MY COLUMN, I mean it’s 100% written by me. Anyway, lets dive right in and see what we got shall we?

So we all can feel it, see it, hear it, and maybe some of us can even taste it; Wrestlemania is just a few short days away, and I for one couldn’t be more excited. I have very fond memories of hanging out with friends and family watching Mania and this year it will be no different. WM in a 60 inch TV is gonna kick ass. But will there be so much suckery that 60 inches won’t make a difference? Well, lets take a look.


United States Championship Match
Chris Benoit© vs. MVP

This is the match that I think will start out the show. Benoit seems to get a good reaction from the crowd and get them jump-started. I don’t think the build up for this match is as good as it could have been as everything is being thrown into the Battle Of The Billionaires and the big title matches. However it’s been pretty good none the less. Does anyone else remember when Chris Jericho was in WCW and had some masked Mexican wrestler come out who’s name translated into “The Hotdog� Just great stuff. And that’s what’s been going on here. Sure the jobbers get squashed, but that’s what they are there for. Plus, I get a good laugh out of it. I like both of the guys in this match, but I truly hate MVP’s finisher. I don’t know if it’s because its so overused or what, but I hate it. As far as predictions go, I’m gonna go with my all time favorite wrestler and pick Chris Benoit because, well I’m going with my heart. LETS GO BEN-OIT *clap clap clapclapclap*


The Money In The Bank Ladder Match
Edge vs. Finlay vs. Booker T vs. Jeff Hardy vs. Randy Orton vs. Matt Hardy vs. CM Punk vs. Ken Kennedy

So I guess this is officially an annual event now? Other than the 2 main event title matches, this is the one I’m most looking forward to. Why? Because I love matches that involve a lot of people, especially the quality of everyone in this match. You have 3 former World Champs in Edge, Orton, and Booker T. You have quite possibly the greatest tag team to ever grace a WWE ring in the Hardys. You have one of the greatest straight up brawlers in wrestling EVER in Finlay. You have someone who is indeed destined for greatness in CM Punk and you have a star on the brink, Ken Kennedy. With all of these elements in one match, you have the potential for one helluva match. Personally, I would have liked to see Johnny Nitro, MVP, and Carlito in the match. I can just see MVP pulling his comedy shtick and then taking a ladder to the face. But that cant be changed. I think this is one of the great ways the WWE has devised to make new stars. No more King Of The Ring. Who needs it? We’ve got MONEY IN THE BANK! Personally I’d rather see this than a bunch of separate matches. So what is gonna happen in this match? I think we are going to see the emergence of a new star. So that rules out Finlay, Booker, Edge, and Orton. I believe the WWE truly want to use this to MAKE someone as opposed to pile it on someone’s budding legacy. I honestly think CM Punk is the long shot of the 4 remaining. I don’t think its “his time†yet. But he will be the big thing one day. Both of the Hardys have the ability to kick some serious ass as singles stars so they have a chance. I could definitely see Matt Hardy vs. Undertaker or HBK vs. Jeff Hardy as being damn good matches. But the man who I think has the best chance to win is MISTERRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRKENNNUHHHHDAY. I just love that shit. Kennedy is the future, plain and simple. He had some great matches with Taker and other pretty random matches on SD since he really hasn’t had a stable feud since then. His matches with Batista actually surprised me and, honestly, he is the one with the most to gain from a win here.


Battle Of The Monsters
Kane vs. The Great Khali

This has the potential to stink up the joint, and none of it is on Kane’s shoulders. Yeah, I am a big fan of Kane, however we all know that Khali is very, VERY limited in the ring. But I am genuinely excited to see this match for one reason, the meat hook. I want to see that bad boy come into play somehow, and I believe it will to get this match because that might be what is needed to make it good. Remember Bossman getting hung from the top of Hell In A Cell? That wasn’t done without a reason. I don’t know how, when, or where, but I DO expect to see it come into play. As for the winner, well I think the WWE might be giving up on Khali so I’m picking the big red machine to win.


ECW Originals vs. The New Breed
RVD/Sabu/Dreamer/Sandman vs. Elijah Burke/Kevin Thorn/Matt Striker/Marcus CorVon

Wooooooo another big tag match. I believe this is the correct use of the “originals†right now since ECW is only an hour long. And I must say, I am rooting for the new breed in this one. I don’t particularly like the old school ECW guys. They are old and past their prime. I mean they can still do their thing, however I’m always a fan of the older guys getting their asses kicked by the older guys. As far as the match quality, I think its gonna be good, but then again I’m partial to multiple man matches. My pick, The New Breed, slick logo and all.


The Battle Of The Billionaires w/ special guest ref Stone Cold Steve Austin
Bobby Lashley w/ Donald Trump vs. Umaga w/ Vince McMahon and Armando Alejandro Estrada

Sorry to say it, but Umaga has no chance of winning. I like him, always have, and always will, but the guy has NO CHANCE IN HELL of winning. There is no way Trump is gonna get his head shaved on live PPV Television. Bobby Lashley is a freak in every sense of the word. There is no way a 250+ pounder should be as fast and as agile as he is. As much as Kennedy is the future of the WWE, Bobby Lashley is ALSO the cornerstone of the WWE for the next 20 years. And this will be one more stepping stone in the legacy of Bobby Lashley. The match will be sufficient, if not better. We have seen from Umaga’s matches with Cena that he can pull the rabbit out of the hat. And we also know that Bobby has more than great fundamentals, quickness, agility, and freakish strength and timing. Yeah, he’s like a black Brock Lesnar, only I don’t see Bobby quitting and whining like a little bitch.


WWE Women’s Title
Melina© vs. Ashley

Ok the build up for this has been great. I love interpromotional feuds, especially when they are between two hot bodies. Melina is a very good wrestler and is very disserving of being the WWE Women’s champ and you can tell Ashley has been doing something with someone to get better. The match itself wont be as good as Trish/Mickie last year, however it will be pretty good. The winner is hard to pick. I don’t see why you’d give the belt to Melina to only have her drop it so soon. However why all of this build up for the playboy covergirl? It’s a toss up however I think the slight edge goes to Ashley. But I like to live dangerously, so I’m picking Melina.


WWE Championship Match
John Cena© vs. “The Heart Break Kid†Shawn Michaels

I’d like to go on record and say FUCK YOU to everyone who told me I was crazy for saying this match was going to happen. Sure some people who thought they were “in the know†said it would either “be this or that†but not many went out on a limb and predicted it. I knew it would be the best potential match up. What did HBK say on Raw this past week? This would be their first match? I think that tan HBK got fried his brain. They have hooked it up before on Raw. But in a big time match up like this? Not so much. I think this is going to be the make or break match for Cena. I think if it doesn’t go well, it is going to severely hurt him. So much so that it might actually bust him down in status. That being said, I believe that the match is gonna be damn good. Why? A few reasons. For one, Cena isn’t as bad as smarks believe. His matches with Umaga prove that. And the other main reason is HBK. Quite simply HBK NEVER EVER fails to deliver at Mania. The only less than memorable match I have ever seen him in was when he took on Austin and even that was still good. I think this is gonna be at the very least a 3 and a half star match. The winner? It’s hard to say. I mean to some it may seem like a no brainer, Cena retains because he is the WWE’s version of superman right now. However I don’t think it is as cut and dry as that. The usual predictors (one person remaining strong right before the PPV) have been covered up VERY well by the WWE. This is a toss up in my mind. We all know there will be a rematch at Backlash because that’s how it goes so Cena could drop it and win it back. Or Cena could retain and drop it at Backlash as that seems less foreseeable. I honestly don’t know so I’m gonna play it save and say the champ retains.


World Heavyweight Championship
Batista© vs. The Undertaker

This match has the most…potential to go either way. It could either be really good or really lackluster like Batista vs. HHH 2 years ago. I’m guessing it will be better than that but I give Batista more credit than most. I think he CAN have great matches and much like Cena, this might be make or break for him. This match is going to be one of the matches that people talk about for years to come. This is the first time a Wrestlemania match has felt like a “big match†in a long long time. The build up has been damn good. Undertaker is cutting some old school promos again and I absolutely love it. The “for there to be life, things must die†particularly stuck a chord with me because that IS a foreshadowing. But is it for Batista to lose or for the Undertaker to have his streak finally end? I don’t know honestly, however it’s gonna be a helluva match. Oh, and while we are on the topic, I am sick to death of fucking smarks whining about “NO ONE SHOULD END TAKERS STREAK, LEAST OF ALL BATISTA.†While I agree a near 40 year old man isn’t the BEST choice to end his streak, I think it still wouldn’t be the worst either. I mean imagine the shot in the arm it is for Batista. Not to the smarks of course because they have already condemned the decision before its even fucking happened, but I mean to the REAL fans of wrestling. The kids. You know, the people who actually suspend disbelief? The people who don’t watch wrestling with a fucking scorecard in their hand? Yeah those people. If it were me, Id have either Edge or Bobby Lashley end it. I’d LOVE to see Edge vs. Taker in a huge match like at a Mania. I think it could be HOT. But that comes later, hopefully. We are talking about Taker and Batista. If Batista steps up his game for this match, it WILL be the greatest match of his career. If not, it will be just another not so memorable one. Like Cena/HBK, I have no idea who is gonna win. So I am going to go with the Deadman and hope he pulls it out.


So that wraps up my first column. Hope you all liked it and I look forward to reading your feedback I will be back next week with a WM review and a look into the future of the WWE. Until then, see you on the flipside.

 

[CenaMark54]

I agree with most of what you wrote and good column by the way.

I have to disagree with a few of your predictions though. First off, as much as I like Benoit, I just don't see him winning. Its obvious they want to make MVP a star, thats why he is on a card that Carlito, Flair, Nitro, Masters, London, Kendrick, etc were left off of. I see benoit doing the job and putting MVP over big time. Lets face it no one can make another guy look better than Benoit.

Lastly, I think either Edge or Orton or both are going to win the MITB ladder match and fued over the briefcase for the next several months. Lets face it, orton and Edge feuding over the briefcase would be feud of the year hands down. It could be a huge stepping stone for Kennedy at this point in his career and really elevate him to mainevent status, however, I just don't see him winning a match that Edge and orton are also involved in. Finlay and Booker have absolutely no chance, they are just in there to keep order and make sure everything is going as planned. The Hardy's are in there for the sole purpose of taking huge bumps and doing some high spots off the ladder. I think Punk has the fourth best chance of winning and my comments about Kennedy can basically apply to him as well.

 

[Kaedon]

While it is true, Edge and Orton are headed for feudsville, I see Edge or Orton costing the other the MITB match and THAT leading to the feud.

As far as Benoit....well I was going with my heart and not my head. I dont really expect him to win but I am hoping against hope because....well he's my all time favorite wrestler and I just cant bet against him (even though I think I might have in the betting zone.)

 

[Great One]

I agree I think Kennedy should win, BUT I think the even better choice that CenaMark brought up would be to make both Orton and Edge win, whether play it out as a set up the entire time and Orton/Edge were all along still partners or have em accidentally win it. This, in turn can cause Edge to keep his undefeated record and I think Orton should win the feud for it somehow, either that or Kennedy wins.

 

[Kaedon]

But how can they both win? Having them both pull it down at the exact same time would be a stretch. But I think itd be hilarious with Edge and Orton constantly showing replay footage "See my hand was there first" hahahahaha. Thatd be the shit...

 

[Great One]

Lol, yeah exactly, I think they could pull it off at the same time, making it the first time ever 2 people have won a ladder match together I think.

 

[Kaedon]

But see now that I think about it, wouldnt that just piss away everyone else in the match? I mean if the purpose of the match is to further their feud, couldnt the WWE do it AND not waste everyones time with the match?

 

[Nancy Di Loreto]

I thought that was an amazing column. And quite frankly, I agree with everything you say. I myself am a border-line smark but I must say, that was JUST-IN-CREDIBLE! (ECW Trivia anyone?) I hang around with smarks and this article would even make them admit they've done wrong. *clap*clap*clap*...

 

[Great One]

But see now that I think about it, wouldnt that just piss away everyone else in the match? I mean if the purpose of the match is to further their feud, couldnt the WWE do it AND not waste everyones time with the match?

That's true, but that's definitely something the WWE would do. I'm 100% sure the WWE doesn't give a shit about Matt Hardy, and we can safely throw Jeff Hardy into that category there too because they're just there for the spots in the match and to make it exciting. Booker and Finlay are just there for the star power. Kennedy and CM Punk are the rising stars who would still benefit from this seeing how they're in the MITB and competing on WM. I think we can conclude that the MITB will pretty much revolve around Edge and Orton somehow, and maybe Kennedy outsmarts them to win it then, I don't know.

 

[Kaedon]

I wouldnt dismiss Jeff and Matt Hardy so fast. I remember a time where Edge was in the exact same spot they are both in. And then with a little build up and MITB, BOOYAH instant star. I think the same could happen for either, as I said in the column. I think it could bolster the main event scene. Jeff Hardy vs. Cena, or HBK. Matt Hardy vs. Taker or Batista. Or how about the reverse? They can challenge for ANY title correct? Matt and Edge have had some amazing matches, and I bet HBK and Matt could pull some sick shit off as well. Then again, imagine Kennedy vs. Cena or HBK. The potential matches are endless.

 

[Great One]

Edge was ALWAYS amazing on the mic and had the potential to be the best, I've never seen Matt or Jeff ever cut an above average promo. Matt is decent on the mic, Jeff is terrible. I don't think they could contend for the title unless they bumped their promo cutting skills up.

 

[Kaedon]

Oh you and I both know guys with crap promo skills, not that either of them are crap (Khali) can still be great champs, if only transisitional ones. Remember when Jeff was taking on Undertaker back in the Attitude Era? I think he was getting a big time push and then he got of the wagon. I truly believe they both COULD be legit main eventers and MITB would be a great place to start. I mean really, who would bet on either one of them to win? Who would see it coming?

 

[Creature Of The Night]

What the bloody hell is a smark,and a mark?I love my wrestling but I don't really study the lingo much.The only Mark I know is my main man the Undertaker.

 

[Kaedon]

In any form of drama, be it a play, television show, movie, or a circus, the people in the audience are referred to as "marks". When you go to see Othello, you know know you arent back in the time of Shakespere, however you agree to suspend disbelief and pretend you are for the time you are watching the play. A smark or a so called "Smart Mark" thinks he/she knows more than the average "mark" because they read the reports of morons like Dave Meltzer or because they think they can predict what is going to happen. These people refuse to suspend disbelief because they dont want to be "marks." They essentially suck all of the fun out of wrestling.

 

[bigtrix]

first off, great column

second, i think its a joke that there are so many titles NOT being defended at the grandaddy of them all...the I-C title is burried in the billionaire match, the raw tag belts are burrried in the main event, no smackdown tag titles, and no cruiserweight title match. i will be there sunday and hope that the show is as good as its built up to be, even with only 8 matches.

now for my prediction to the money in the bank ladder match (as far fetched as it is)....picture jeff hardy winning the match, the crowd would go nuts. then at the end of the show, and a 30-45 minute main event between cena and hbk....jeff comes out and says he wants his title shot. but out comes matt because he wants a shot at the tag titles, both cena and hbk are beat down, so the hardys win the belts......kinda far fetched but something i would like to see because the tag division is going nowhere with the top 2 guys on the brand the champs.

just my 2 cents