Action Jackson Live-Posts WCW Nitro

[Action Jackson]

We open with Nitro girls, dancing all synchronized. I think I used to jack it to these chicks at one time or another.

Then we're shown Tony FUCKING Schiavone and Larry MOTHERFUCKING Zbysko.


1998 - when Larry Zbysko was over to a fucking ridiculous degree. That dude proably pulled down more pussy in 1998 than any other year in his life.


Mike tenay is in the parking lot looking for Ric Flair. Mike Tenay is a bad ass and his microphone has this enormous wire. The fact that the microphone is not wireless amuses me greatly.


First match... Van Hammer vs Alex Wright.


FACT: I heckled Van Hammer at Starrcade 1998. He sat about 6-7 rows in front of me in the 200's. I started yelling "YOU SUCK SHIT, VAN HAMMER!!! YOU SUCK SHIT!!"

Van Hammer stood up and looked back and I shut the fuck up. That dude could kick my ass.


Back to Nitro... Alex Wright's dong is way evident. I think Van Hammer is the babyface here. More information as I get it, sports fans!!

THE GREATEST NIGHT TONIGHT ON NITRO, IT'S THE GREATEST SPORT AND THE GREATEST NIGHT IN SPORTS!!


The main event is Goldberg vs Sting so fuck yeah.


Oh wait, I have more to report. Fucking Ernest Miller came in like a boss and broke up the match. I don't know why, but he IS The Greatest.

 

[Action Jackson]

Ernest Miller is removed from the ring by police officers for claiming he's The Greatest. Tony Schiavone doesn't blame them. Racist. It's S. Carolina and a black man is claiming he's the greatest. The police will stand for NO SUCH CLAIMS in S. Carolina.

 

[Action Jackson]

LOUD "We Want Flair" signs.


Racist comment #1 from Larry Zbysko, I fucking swear he just said "The police better keep Miller away from my car."

 

[Action Jackson]

We cut to Mean Gene Okerlund in the ring, on vodka #3 and schmoozing the fuck out of the crowd.

He's introducing BRET HART!! Big boos here.... I think he's a heel now or something. I don't know. Fuck South Carolina though. It's Bret Hart.

OHHHHH Fuck!! This is US Champion Bret Hart!! He's got the GROIN PULL and everything!!!

 

[Action Jackson]

Oh damn, Bret is turning babyface!!! He's cutting a promo on Hulk. Say what you will about Hulk, but he was the KING SHIT of HEELS in 1997-98. Anyone could turn babyface by cutting a "FUCK HULK HOGAN" promo.

 

[Action Jackson]

Roddy Piper walked out without music, because he's that pissed off. He says FUCK YOU BRET, I DIDN'T EVEN HAVE PARENTS or something similar. Then somehow he says "FUCK HOGAN" and starts babyfacing Bret about how he needs to straighten up and fly right and stand up for the people.

 

[Action Jackson]

A Bill Clinton reference from Piper goes over like a lead balloon, because we're in S. Carolina and most of these folks haven't even graduated high school.

 

[Action Jackson]

bad ass sign.....
HORSEMEN
IV: 20

 

[Action Jackson]

Saturn defeated Raven at Fall Brawl and hit a Death Valley Driver off the apron through a table on Lodi. He's about to wrestle Barry Windham's shitty son. Kendell Windham.

 

[Action Jackson]

Kendell Windham is neither a heel or a babyface. He just is. This match is really confusing. Saturn's supposed to be the big babyface here. WCW is so weird. God bless 'em. Larry Zbysko wants to have sex with Saturn.

 

[Action Jackson]

The referee is Brian Hildebrand AKA Mark Curtis ... RIP. The fuckin' SHOOTER. He is missed.

 

[Action Jackson]

BOTCHAMANIA... Kendell Windham misses the fuck out of a big boot and Saturn has to sell it.

 

[Action Jackson]

Short pause there... alright Kendell Windham hit a serviceable back superplex off the second rope. He didn't kill Saturn at least. I assume now this is the comeback for Saturn. T-Bone Suplex that Schiavone calls a "fallaway slam".

 

[Action Jackson]

This match is terrible and it won't end. Oh fuck FINALLY Saturn hits the DVD for the win.

 

[Action Jackson]

Wow... Nitro started so good. Now Saturn's cutting a promo. It won't stop sucking.